Is there Hope for Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

[DelusionDispeller]

Victoria, this is a very encouraging thing to know. Since 2006 I have been making videos about NPD, hoping to reach out to people that have unfortunately have been stuck with these types. I'm wondering if the neurolinguistic information you are referring to has anything in common with cognitive behavior therapy. Please let me know because I have a lot of people looking for hope for the narcissists in their lives. Advice is appreciated!

[pignatan]

OOOOOMG you're so gorgeous!

[MrTurbochargd]

My father has NPD. The last time I spoke with him was on Father's Day of 2009. (I tried to call him 1 last time) For the sake of my self esteem, my wife and my children I simply had no alternative left. I haven't called him since and he's made no effort at all to contact my family. The cycle of abuse had to stop. You can't defend yourself against someone with a disorder. The only option is to walk or allow yourself to be abused.

[EternalFuu]

@MrTurbochargd I've come to the conclusion that individuals with so called personality "disorders" aren't afflicted by illness -- they *are* the illness. They're literally human pathogens.

[plalelal]

Believe me when they can't even admit or recognize themselves as a narcissist there is no hope. Well maybe 5% can improve.

[bluemune2]

hi victoria, yes in theory a N can change however the only thing that actually changes about the N there behavior and for what reason does the N change there behavior, to continue to procure narcissistic supply. you are correct in comparing Nssm to an addiction because it is an addiction the drug is the attention, the narcissitic supply. and as a therapist you must be aware the addicts are always an addicts. But what do I know I'm just a lay person who spent 20 years dealing with a N

[Salamphoenix]

well i disagree with you. narcissists are known not to have remorse.

[TheTubesrider]

24 years I've been married to a woman that suffers with NPD. And personally I think what you said in this little vid is spot on. You gotta see it, want to deal with it, and use a plan to create a new life pattern that will help you be more self aware. Also you have to be truly desperate. Honestly NPD is a horrible prison that insulates you from life. In our home my wife is more like the maid than the wife and mother. She lives vicariously through me and never cultivates relationships.

[jafka633]

I believe I have NPD. I believe it started when I was young and I interpreted my dad and mom's responses to me to indicate I was worthless. I didn't want for anything but at the same time I didn't have my needs met. So I started to reject the world after I felt it had rejected me. It's f'd. I resent a lot in this world. I developed perfectionism and a lot of shame in regards to that. I believe I was inadvertently dehumanised at a very young age and that's why I struggle so much in this world.

[iworkforme]

i'm curious about how it generally starts. i.e. who develops the disorder and why?...is it an early childhood experience in which the child learns that when they are right they are wrong and so they learn to overcompensate for a sense of inferiority?

[fallencypress2]

many narcissists are considered to be successful and popular people.very charming and and easily able to fake normal emotions like love or empathy when it suits them or when ever they feel like it

[tedwa14]

I know all of this because I am a narcissit and so is my dad. And now that I understand and have surrendered to this horrible problem all that I want to do is change myself for the good. And I will do it dispite of me failing and hearing what I hate most- You cant do it. Im not going to let one saying ruin my whole day ever again. I want to live a happy and free life so my mission is no longer- get married, make a lot of money, but be happy and understand that Im not a perfect person..

[tedwa14]

Imagine being someone that your not everyday only to be seen as a normal person but inside you know that you are living a lie and there's nothing you can do about it. That is what releases anger, frustration, irritation, and every other bad decision that they make. Also, this disease is inherited and is triggered by your family which is unconciously enabling your disease.

[tedwa14]

Anyone who is a narcissist only wants to find who they really are inside and when they get stressed about it they only do what makes them feel better and that is unconciously hurting someone. Do you think they want to do that? No, they only do it because it is the only form of motivation they can get because only normal people can live normal lives.

[tedwa14]

Do you know what is sad? Most people that have narcissism do not even realize that they have it. They go their whole life being someone that they are not and questioning themselves at the same time of who they really are only time come to the conclusion that no one understands their problems. This is no joke and for the person that has narcissism, they are living all of these self portrayed images which only leads to poor decisions, bad time and money management, and very poor self worth.

[jpzxcvbnm]

It would be amazing to see more NPD's go to therapy. But unfortunately, it isn't common.

[gregthesenior12]

I had one who almost crushed my soul after a 4 year relationship. They turned on me like a doberman pinscher. You are correct, they have to get rejected because they think they are on the top of the world and everything. In reality they feel like nothing inside.

[vivinski]

Thanks for talking to those of us who are narcisissts and for being positive about change. I've spent many years transforming myself, after dealing with difficult things, I now realise I'm a narcissist. Mostly this is due to distrust - my parents used to play me off against each other as a kid, I've suffered numerous sexual assaults, been kidnapped (lucky for me the attempt failed), suffered continuous bullying and degradation; yet I believe there is a strong case for hope and a better life. :)

[leeland0123]

sometimes i feel so alone im always so busy with my kids but when they are spending the night at friends house i feel so alone. my husband has taken every self esteem i ever had i dont know what to do for me i have no clue what i enjoy doing. its actually frustrating when someone asks me what i enjoy doing with my time my answer is being with my kids. i was wondering if you can give me some advice on this please

[leeland0123]

thank u

[shirleypare]

For me the most damaging aspect of the narcissist is the sneakiness and getting people to dislike you but you're not even aware of it. Their sneakiness which what scares me.

[leeland0123]

i am married to a narcissist man and i was wondering if i can get help to learn how to cope with him

[kmtaylor88]

hi victoria, my mom is extremely nacissistic. criticisms, put downs and insults are her favorite thing to do and still does it every opportunity she can. three years ago, i realizes she will never going to change and decided to limit my contact with her and now I feel happier and more importantly FREE from my mom's wrath

[thewolfkiba]

Your video gives me hope, but I feel like most people who possess this disorder will never hear your words and will continue how they are always going. I don't want to give up hope on my friend, but I know that he has to change by himself. I enjoyed your video and you have restored hope in my heart for people with personalities disorders. You are truly an awesome lady.

[G0LDENL0VEMUSIC]

@thewolfkiba DURING TIME OF RECOVERY , THEY WILL HEAR THESE WORDS, WHY NOT ? LOL, I KNOW SELF AWARE NARCISSISTS, WHO WILL BENEFIT ALOT FROM THIS VIDEO . IT HELPS TO CONFIRM WHUT THEY KNOW AND WHUT THEY ARE WORKING ON . , AND THE ONES WHO ARENT IN RECOVERY MODE 'OF THIS EXTENT ' YET , ALL THINGS IN DUE TIME . EACH ONE CHOOSES THEIR PATH . :)

[frisianmouve]

i thought i was going to do great things. i don't exactly know how i found out it was npd, but at least it was through the internet. everytime the fantasy land returned to me in my thoughts i told myself that i'm not better that the rest and that i'm just a normal person. After some time there was really change. now i'm opening up to new emotions like love and friendship. Emotions that i thought were just illusions and that were created to use people and make yourself better.

[frisianmouve]

I can really say that i have changed. I developed this NPD very early on by being bullied at school. there was a side of me that said everyone else is wrong, they don't understand the real me. Then i began with the whole fantasy land in which i thought i was actually smarter than everyone else, even to the point at which i thought i might actually be the only conscious being on the face of the earth and that everyone else was just an illusion(solipsism).

[KeneshaCoulibaly]

Going "WITHIN" might actually enable the narcissist to claim that he or she "healed" his or herself and return back to the narcissistic ways on a whole new level. Perhaps it would not be a bad thing to advocate religion or at least a source "OUTSIDE OF SELF" for healing or at least help, which would create humility . . . the kind that existed before our world became so narcissistic. 2Timothy, Chapter 3 talks about the end times and how people will be LOVERS OF THEMSELVES. Interesting. I think.

[ProthoPectore]

pain is the only teacher whos lessons we remember........



[OdeToNecrophilia]

wow, thanks for the video. you made me think i have hope. everywhere else said there is no hope.

but really, i'm so awesome, and i don't think that is untrue. what's wrong with thinking i'm awesome? i'm not that bad of a case...

[tearpixy]

My dad is a narcissist and an alcoholic. I have always been baffled by his ability to rationalize away all of his mistakes - like 3 divorces - and walk away thinking and feeling like he's better than the rest of us. I can't see any way for a person like that to achieve recovery. He's very religious, which is heavily incorporated into his whole "perfect" persona. Maybe he will get fed up with being utterly alone someday and get to a therapist... I hope.

[kimm1888]

I live a narcissistic boyfrined and if there was any hope at all, trust me, I would be grasping at it. There is NO hope! these people like their lives this way, so why change? If you think there's hope then you're in denial or living in the narcissist's fantasy land.

[SovereignBeing]

they are such good actors, they just go out and fool a new bunch of people... they need the attention 24-7.. even when everyone around them despises them , they are still blaming everyone else.. these are the hardest to work with.

[KeneshaCoulibaly]

YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. I just had this conversation with a loved one last night and began my quest for answers today. I am so grateful for your passion and empathy for people. God bless you.

[carrickmilo]

I had a freind with NPD, a real text book case.

I tried to tell her she should do therapy, her answer ' I could never find a therapist clever enough for me'

I gave up soon afterwards, just couldn't reach her

[valznartsy1]

love your videos, your style is so great . thanx, i cannot afford therapy and my insurance doesnt cover it ! so thank you!

[ajdr13]

You made a really good point when you said that the narcissistic can be helped only if he seeks for help. There must be a "metanoia" or a change in the moral attitude; a change of mind that involves repentance. Without repentance, there is not a genuine drive for change.

[ajdr13]

You made a really good point when you said that the narcissistic can be helped only if he seeks for help. There must be a "metanoia" or a change in the moral attitude; a change of mind that involves repentance. Without repentance, there is not a genuine drive for change.

[meow98]

I think we all have elements of the personality disorders, but I feel like I have analysed why my Parent is narcisstic. They grew up taking care of a sick parent, and had no childhood, so now its all about them, right? It can be miserable for the family, but that is my dianosis.

[GodlessInfinity]

That is, a narcissists spirituality will likely be shaped by his or her ego.

[GodlessInfinity]

I think most narcissists will somehow rationalize everything, project their failings onto everyone else, and blame the world for what they screw up. But if one can recognize that something's wrong, I think there's hope. I don't think promoting spirituality in a narcissist is a good idea though, a lot of religious leaders display the full diagnostic criteria for NPD, and I think it's a dangerous combination, keep in mind that a narcissists personality will probably be shaped by his/her ego.

[sweeetly]

@GodlessInfinity Your right about religion being so dogmatic and at times narcissic,

But the Non dual spirituality that is about Awareness would be beneficial.Take a look at Mooji and BentinhoMassaro on YT.

All these disorders boil down to one thing, lack of self love, not really knowing who we are.

[GodlessInfinity]

@sweeetly I disagree somewhat on a few things. I think narcissists are more diverse than many seem to give them credit for and while many develop the disorder because they have a wounded ego or are raised without unconditional love and approval I think some (maybe a lot) have grown a sense of entitlement and superiority from always being spoiled and accommodated to even when they do something wrong. I also think that most religions do not facilitate genuine self love or foster mental health.

[GodlessInfinity]

It seems like a logical paradox but even confucians and buddhists can be narcissistic, it's like people being arrogant and proud about how humble they are it really should cause cognitive dissonance but it rarely does.

[GodlessInfinity]

Most people have given up on narcissists, but I read about a treatment in Norway where the psychiatrist would get the narcissist to recognize the disorder in other people and become accustom to identifying the systems, then slowly call attention to those traits in the narcissist s/he's treating. I think part of the therapy is intentionally building an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance until the narcissism turns against itself, but I think the narcissist has to recognize that there's a problem.

[tritonrocks]

You said it yourself at 0:19 - a lot of the research out there says NO. I agree. The narcissist CANNOT be helped. You must RUN AWAY from them. NOTHING you do will ever correct the situation. A narcissist CANNOT be helped. Period. I believe it is a form of autism, and you can see what they do with that - NOTHING.

[darkunorthodox]

@tritonrocks this is just pathetic, 

[tritonrocks]

@darkunorthodox My comment was pathetic? Why, because it represents the truth? Look at all the famous narcissists in history - Napolean - Hitler - Stalin - Obama - all of them have (or had, for those that have died) an inflated view of themselves, absolutely zero empathy, and a total inability to communicate intimately with others. These people cannot be helped, ever. You must rid yourself of them. My best friend divorced a narcissistic wife some years ago. It was a painful process.

[darkunorthodox]

@tritonrocks of course, hitler was also a vegetarian, they cant be cured as well, i think you r ignoring how many doctors, scientists, , engineers, psychiatrist people in the military and other sucessful people, who whether by glory, greed ,passion or all of the above have contributed to society, did u know picasso had NPD?, narcissists, like people with OCD, aspergers, high performing autism, and so on, need to optimize their natural gifts, and minimize, their weakness, not be hated

[tritonrocks]

@darkunorthodox This will be my last reply. I witnessed the incredible emotional (and physical) damage a narcissistic person can inflict on those around them. A friend went through a divorce with a narcissist. It should have been a simple matter. Instead, she made it a long, drawn out, expensive affair. What should have cost $10K and taken 3 months ended up taking 2 years and almost $100K. There were NO kids involved. Narcissists, in my opinion, should be removed from this planet. Period.

[darkunorthodox]

@tritonrocks of course,u make alot of sense, people r emotionally inmature to get a divorce(or pick a proper pattern) so lets blame them, lets use them as a scapegoats, what u need is to grow up, and realize that they r at least honestly selfish, u want bad, look at antisocial personality disorder, narcissists simply dont care about others (i dont blame them, i work through life the same way) but APD are active psychopaths

[EternalFuu]

In order for a narcissist to "self heal" they'd have to actually grow a conscience and undergo a level of honest self-examination that would be unbearably excruciating for them. If they ever did that they'd be compelled to commit suicide. A narc "self-healing" would be akin to a vampire curing itself my sunbathing.

Fact is, they aren't ill; they ARE the illness.

[darkunorthodox]

@EternalFuu but what is a conscience? i mean, narcissists CAN feel empathy (remember to have NPD, you dont need all symptoms) and narcissists often stratify their relationships, so yes they can feel empathy for their kind but it depends on severity

[EternalFuu]

@darkunorthodox

I don't think they feel empathy so much as having some tenuous ego identification with another. The fact is they don't love others -- they don't even really love themselves. Their existence is driven by insecurity and addictions to behaviors that numb the discomfort of being themselves. They're totally spiritually bankrupt and can only tolerate their existential anguish by propping of their flimsy self-image at the personal expense of others.

[darkunorthodox]

@EternalFuu you say it like "real" empathy is different, in normal people ,empathy is less rational, in narcissists, its is simply more causal, or consciously justified. i go with the DSM criteria for NPD not some made up novella about NPD from divorced wives who simple had @ssholes or vaknin 600 page fraudulent book. some research shows many narcissists are actually happy people unlike the insecure but brave face stereotype. im not saying they are "good" people but they are demonized.

[EternalFuu]

@darkunorthodox

I'm not basing these views off Vaknin's drivel or even the DSM, but my own personal experience with malignant narcs -- some of whom I've know since childhood. Their alleged "happiness" is akin to the cheap buzz a heroin addict gets from their drug(s) of choice -- in a MN's case the drug is inflicting misery. They're loathsome pieces crap and their "well adjusted" front is just that; a front. They're psychological parasites worthy only of contempt.

[EternalFuu]

@darkunorthodox

When I say malignant narcs are spiritually bankrupt I'm not suggesting that they deserve pity or sympathy -- I'm flatout saying they're miserable evil pieces of sh*t. They're fundamentally insecure, envious, petty and cruel and I'm personally annoyed when people act as if these "people" are portrayed as having some kind of illness or disorder. They're just toxic crap made sentient -- i.e. f*cking evil.

[darkunorthodox]

@EternalFuu if they were born that way, then we should feel sorry for them not hate them. if they become that way then its the environment's fault. either way your opinion is biased. spiritually bankrupt? atheists ,must be hell's spawn then.

[EternalFuu]

@darkunorthodox

I'm an atheist, myself. Spirituality has nothing to do with what bedtime stories you believe in but the QUALITY of person you are. Malignant Narcissists are just that -- MALIGNANT. They mean you harm just by their very nature.

[MrGizlington]

@EternalFuu you display a shocking lack of empathy; a veritable narcissist.

[EternalFuu]

@MrGizlington I suggest you look up the definition of the word 'empathy' and then ask yourself what an empathetic connection with a malignant personality entails. Here's a hint; 'empathy' doesn't mean feeling sorry for someone.

[philonqi]

Victoria, do you truly believe that there is a cure for the narcissist?

You say you have seen some of them change, when some serious conditions made them so...But I had the same experience with one, who seemed truly to start regretting his previous deeds and wanting to change, after her long-time partner left him in a very malicious (for him) way (but actually, I realize it was maybe the only possible way for her to escape); but after he got better, he started to behave the same way again..:(

[loiba]

Victoria, thanks for your videos. It took me until age 27 to be able to recognize that my father is a huge narcissist, my mother perhaps at once an inverted narcissist through being with him became one. I have attracted narcissists as friends and lovers and became an commitment phobe myself. I'm just now being able to recognize this pattern thank God because I would probably never have had children otherwise.

[loiba]

Victoria, thanks for your videos. It took me until age 27 to be able to recognize that my father is a huge narcissist, my mother perhaps at once an inverted narcissist through being with him became one. I have attracted narcissists as friends and lovers and became an active commitment phobe myself. I'm just now being able to recognize this pattern thank God because I would probably never have had children otherwise.

[Dom2dom2]

My ex boyfriend narcissistic dad is scaring me away from him and his family now . I found out he is narcissistic based on what he told me and what I am seeing now. I hope that my ex boyfriend is not narcissistic himself but my friend told me that he seems like he is. I do not know how to help him but i hope that he can change if he really is.

[glutamin111]

@Dom2dom2

a bit unusual too see a girl care so much for her ex boyfriend...LOL

[aaaaaaaars]

I made the decision of never seeing my father again. I have supplied the rest of my family with information and said goodbye to them as well. I believe this is best for them as well. They may actually realise the seriousness of what is being done to them. I don't believe he will ever change.

[MrHeebiejeebies]

this girl is great, post moar vidsss

[imhelingnow]

Thank you so much. I've been educating myself about this. My mother has NPD. Many men I've been involved in have NPD. Realized many people in my family and my life (including myself) have strong narcissistic traits. To avoid enabling these people, is the best way to help. I can't look at them as inherently evil. I think narcissism is running rampant. Most of us in the 12 steps have these traits because the Big Book talks about our selfishness being the cause of our addiction. You're awesome!

[glutamin111]

@imhelingnow

having narcissistic traits is a huge difference from having NPD. It should take you plenty of time before you diagnose someone with NPD

[darkunorthodox]

@imhelingnow this is why the dsm shoudnt be in public libraries,

[tritonrocks]

I have a friend whose wife has NPD. Well, I should say ex-wife because he finally left her and got divorced. There is no hope for a narcissist. There is no cure. Anyone that says there is, including this therapist, is deluding you. The more people I meet that have NPD the more convinced I become you need to get them out of your life - pronto. They are a physical and emotional drain. I like how she says "don't give up hope". I agree, but I'm a realist - get NPD people out of your life!

[a1mint]

What do you do with an NPD'ered person that fundamentally disrespects people (perceived by him/her to be) beneath them, which is everyone it seems, and insists that something is wrong with everyone around him/her?

[edwardtang1977]

@a1mint either get all the people to kick his ass(he won't learn)..or cut off contact with this person..they are very good at pretending they learned something...but it is just a trick so they can betray you again.

[a1mint]

@edwardtang1977 Cutting contact is not an option.

It gets worse, how about the person claiming ownership on anything psychology, because he took an (unfinished?) course on general psychology.

Sense of entitlement dripping off left and right.

[thejman968]

it seems like my thoughts and deep inner feelings are extremely narcissistic (aka I believe in myself, thing I have a lot to bring to the world, like to experience positive sensations, work toward goals...etc.) but I have trained myself (through getting in touch with my soul apart from my colossal ego) to see the reality of interconnectedness and unity that is the universe (perfect, whole, beautiful, and communal)!

[begood4000]

Hello.. I enjoyed your vid. I'm curious how many of the patience that you see with possible NPD are the type that are outwardly abbrassive to others (the loud mouth kind that ruin everything around them), and how many are the Stealthy kind. It's my expirience those that are stealthy seem to always have back up plans with people thinking they're as sweet as pie. Where is the loud mouth tend to be terrible to almost everybody. I would imagine it's harder for the Stealth to hit rock bottom.

[dulcepekpek]

Thank you for the hope.

[zerbo803]

Ill beat this disorder cause Im the best at everything I do lol

[edwardtang1977]

a narcissist would say "you're on holiday huh? so what do you do all day AT HOME ALONE?"

and whatever you answer..they will put you down...

What do I say to them?...help please

[rafapak]

@edwardtang1977

tell him or her that you won't tell them what you do. don't tell them why you won't tell them. they will probably ask you ' why?' types of question. tell them that you won't ecxuse yourself. there is no reason why you should tell them anything.

[hauntedpark]

I see my narcissm as a blessing

[SmoothInstigator]

I admit I'm a narcissist. But unlike others I really am better than other people.

[pegasas269]

hi. i love you videos on npd. i have been looking for something help and give us hope. i have been diagnosed bpd. i have been with my bf for 2 yrs now. we've always known something was wrong. we have recently realized he is npd. i know everyone says it doesn't count unless a dr says so, but it doesn't change what he can see is him. we have made so much progress with him already without knowing. i hated to see hope stolen from him. this gives us hope. we are very committed to this. your thoughts?

[09findhorn]

If a true narcissist ever gets to the point, (unlikely), where they realize their disorder has created havoc in their life, and the lives of those they may have negatively affected, it may be too late. I wouldn't trust them for a nanosecond.

[guillaumel21]

@09findhorn Just shut the fuck up..! ur not entirely wrong tho

[09findhorn]

To guillaumel21: That's a very intelligent remark.

[guydecervens]

I don't think narcissists are capable of change.How can you grow empathy in an adult? Can you grow that many neural pathways? I could be wrong but I would need to see just one that has been cured. I'm with you in wishing despair on them though.

[pf126p]

So in other words, hitting rock bottom is a start. I've been wondering when my ex will get there. But she always finds someone to enable her and keeps dodging every bullet. I wish I could send her to you, for the sake of the children.

[beemerdi]

Thank you Victoria! I love that you wish the gift of despair for N people. I thought I was the only person who did something like that! I usually say (to myself) may a person reach nirvana. This I mean in the context that you must first suffer to know compassion and you must first know compassion to reach nirvana.

[jessLUVSdave]

My dad is very narcissistic but he thinks he's perfect and refuses to change. There's no getting along with him and he has pushed everyone away. My brother doesn't talk to him ever since he went to college, my mom moved away and I now live with her. We hardly talk anymore and it kills me. Hopefully one day he'll realize what he has done and we could repair our relationship.

Btw, you're very pretty and thanks so much for posting this vid! ^_^

[guillaumel21]

@jessLUVSdave wow ur story sounds alot like mine..