Video Game Consists Solely Of Shooting People In Face

[WHISKEYWARRIOR9]

lol headshot

[W0lfleg420]

IN THE FAAAAACCEEE!!!!

[kamukamuism]

mi ez a FOS?????????

[Q8379]

When does beta come out

[RealTrueTarget]

I've heard that some people pay say $10'000 somewhere in the underground of eastern europe to do just this but with real people. Onion is so funny, yay.

[shockingstun1]

lmao horse, then ostrich

[ealdie24]

this isnt a troll news, coz thats what games nowadays are like

[duckypwns]

"A new cure for crying children - Smothering."

YES.

[frodo9]

taake myyy money!!!!!

[DEWFAN777]

xD so gay

[ShitInMyMouthAgain]

Where can I buy it? :P

[SirTannen]

That would be a great game.

[whatevarrr]

"new cure for crying children: smothering" ahahahhaha

[KampfKiewi245]

You know, a lot of games that really exist aren't really that different from what we see here. That is pretty bad....

[drugssexandtrumpets]

Close range 3: Knee high arrows of agony.

[MidnightSummerRain]

@drugssexandtrumpets I find the "arrow in the knee" thing really annoying. But you sir, at least you were clever. Nice one.

[TheSamee]

I started dying when the ostrich head popped up hahahaha.

[Braindamage210886]

I almost pissed myself...without having smoked any weed :D

[RYNO2511]

"A new cure for crying children, smothering." Oh I never thought of that

[MantisCrawl]

It's sad but at this stage in the gaming industry, I think this might happen

[BlazefireSaber]

Better than Call of Duty.

[Kolenment]

TheOnion is just like a News Station that GTA San Andreas would have in it!

[SuckMeOffx9]

Lol max payne reference

[mattyfromcali]

@SuckMeOffx9 The funny thing is, as far as video games go, Max Payne's story is pretty fucking great.

[14houghton91]

I love how people make obviously satire comments about how this game is bad for society and needs to be banned, yet people then reply telling them the video is satire. haha priceless.

[dr3a4lyfe]

I love how people just don't get it. The Onion is all satire. Relax people,....chill...

[RavidBunny]

lol multiplayer seems fun!

[snake1625b]

this is the bullshit that is killing our youth!

[backlikevertabrae]

@snake1625b it's satirical dumbass

[Zicko1000]

@snake1625b You actually believe this is real?

[FatSk8rkid]

i neva even heard of this game lol

[aislingniriada1989]

@FatSk8rkid Really? It's bigger than Skyrim... May even be bigger than Super Mario Bros.

[CyberSherriff]

lol it looks shit. u cant even move in it. too repetitive and waayy over hyped

[MrUtopia77]

@CyberSherriff it's not "way over hyped" since the onion is a fake news network lol

[MrBilly1380]

@MrUtopia77 lol right???

[flamingarse1]

@CyberSherriff and its suppose to come out in the fall . . . . . . . its cod D:

[christopherhovgaard]

0:32 why the holy fuck does a game reviewer use a Mac Computer?

[Bzilla56]

Looks better than Halo or Call of Duty.

[KitsuneShapeShifter]

Ah, I can't wait for Close Range: Bane Of Kittens.

[vector6977]

Left for dead 3 Demo?

[halo2pc]

Let's have a look at Pirate Bay

[sellsjeeps]

I'd buy that game

[INDIANBLANKET]

Lol, don't be so gullible, people. It's obviously a piss take.

[oyster106]

the demo doesnt work

[Legion719]

Imagine the achievements....

[P0LITICALLYC0RRECT]

SMOTHERING??!?!?! WHAT THE FFUUUCCKKK!??!?!

[kingdavey90]

New cure for crying babies -- 'smothering'. o_O

[donteetpeople]

How does The Onion find so many great actors?

[vdot011]

@donteetpeople Hollywood doesn't want them so ONN picks them up.

[Atreas40000]

@donteetpeople the same way hollywood found so many shtty actors

[NickyAmerica]

It has literally come to this with video games.

[CMillions23]

@NickyAmerica I wonder why people thumbs up completely false observations. Or are just fucking around... the world will never know.

[jesmond218]

I LIKE THIS GAMES



[jesmond218]

WHEN DOES IT COME OUT!



[BrokenPiecesOfHeart]

MAX PAYNE

[KissMyBlade]

IF YOU PRE ORDER , IT COMES WITH A SET OF TEENAGER DISNEY CHARACTER FACES LIKE BIEBER AND HANNAH MONTANA FACE PACK TO SHOOT AT!

OMG I'M SO EXCITED

[MasterofVideoGames0]

THIS GAME LOOKS HARD

[MasterofVideoGames0]

HE HAS A BONA AT 0:53

[kcuskcid]

i jizzed in my ... YOUR FACE BITCH =D

[ColdCity]

will this be on the ipod?

[Dannyboy56able]

@ColdCity hope so!

[KieCuster]

Better story than Call of Duty.

[Lijrobert]

"Control of Cambodian Coverment Seized by Gray Parrot Wearing General's Uniform"

[J68927]

so long as there are no barely visible alien sideboobs, or any deeper reason for blowing up faces, it's completely harmless to children :D

[watanabe757]

Sell better than diablo 3...

[ChildofCalliope]

Is it Metal Gear music that I hear in the background at 0:30?

[shtalion]

I laughed my ass off with that crying children thing

[Toggaf69]

They should've made his name "Jeff taint"

[rushzful]

GOTY

[ReligiousUnderdog]

hahahaha smothering..

[TheDarklord0211]

Fucking amazing

[9mizzle]

haha these comments are killing me!

[MrMetalhead310]

I only drink rain water

[DesBlackmore]

A three-burst Mini-Uzi? That's very inaccurate. This game does not deserve my money.

[gamerunknown]

@DamnedByDurberg

It's just not natural to know what people look like naked

[SillyGayBoy]

@gamerunknown Nudity is the devil!! My son will turn gay if he sees a naked man.

[wese3000]

@SillyGayBoy LOL

[SillyGayBoy]

@wese3000 Thanks home slice. Didn't know that comment got 10 thumbs ups! Awesome.

[ju571n82]

@SillyGayBoy this is funny because your name is silly gay boy and you have a video on your channel named gay sex

[SillyGayBoy]

@ju571n82 Thanks for checking out my channel! Glad you like my goofy comments and video names :p

[SuckMeOffx9]

@SillyGayBoy Fag

[Mustaklaki]

@SillyGayBoy lolfag

[UnicornCop4567]

i knew it was fake when i saw on the case of the game that ign says that is was incredible

[lilbreezy47]

@UnicornCop4567 do you know IGN? that something they would have definitively said

[GeorgeMcGuinty]

i'd play this game!! haha

[eirikwegga]

Seems like half the library of every non-Nintendo system out there, and of course those have their own issues.

Adulthood is when you realize even Mario games are more mature than Gears of War/God og War etc. Adolescent shit for teenagers and manchild 'adults'.

[unfinished8kt]

when the ostridge's face showed up, died laughing

[NickyAmerica]

"Who are you"

"Somone who can help"

"HMMMM"

They should write for Bioware.

[specialk3333]

Lol to the emu!

[davitodude]

I would buy it on the pc if I could shoot a kitten in the face.

[fatalnightmare22]

wow, they trolled me, i thought it was a real game!

[AceGamingProductions]

"And when we come back, a new cure for crying children... smothering."

[jvkstudios]

To bad I wasted my money on battlefield already

[VEZOK54]

Wow lot of trolls here

[alx16tube]

the ostrich lol!

[highlandcommando]

manhunt, nows theres a game.......

[delusion74]

so is it on ps3?

[fbravis]

@delusion74 it is actually

[starhorst]

Does anyone know when "Close Range - Hammer Time" is released?

[MrBr0seph]

@starhorst December 31

[CynicalNsomniac]

@starhorst Close Range: Dolphin Destruction just came out, so I would assume Hammer Time won't be out for a few more months.

[starhorst]

@CynicalNsomniac no way they made another animal sequel... still got it but the flippers keep flippin' me of.....

[controllerbrain]

This is what Gamespot will do to the reviewer if they don't give the game a 9.5.

[chancy319]

"And when we come back, a new cure for crying children -- smothering". LOLOLOLOLLOLOLOL!!!!!!

[SiloofCoresarito95]

0:53

max payne in burt reynolds version??

[Aanthanur]

is there nudity in the game? i would buy it for my kids if it contains no pervert nudity.

[timrocket2]

@Aanthanur best comment it represents culture today lmfao

[filipgustaf]

@Aanthanur haha good point

[controllerbrain]

I'd pay $10 for the game.

[alacar91]

i want it

[DaGavinX]

IGN says it's incredible. lol Those graphic-whores...

[doomguard37]

hahahhahaha I lost it at the ostrich

[YaphetSx3]

wtf thats so retarded, i hereby declare this stories fake. they must have been bribed

[Uru81189]

@YaphetSx3 WHAT? This story is FAKE?

[RespectMyHate]

This is actually disturbing.

[abyssDT]

Can some one tell me the point of this stupid game?

[critterfreek82]

I liked the "Arctic Slaughter" side mission where you get to blast the baby seals to bits!

[4skoolin2learn0]

LMFAO " When we come back a new cure for crying children...smothering"

[DoomShroomer]

LOL, Tell me this shit is fake!

[darthwinst]

Close Range was good, but it felt kinda rushed. I ran into a really bad glitch in the "Kitten Karnage" side mission where I could only blow off the kitten's ear and then the game would freeze. Also the graphics were pretty poor for PS3 standards.

It was fun, but I think Chainsaw Dawn will be much better. Already preordered the Bloody Pulp Special Edition.

[MetalReigns2]

Ive actually played this before lolo

[MrJakethebaker420]

is this a fucking joke?

[carby212]

@MrJakethebaker420 No.

[MrJakethebaker420]

@carby212 OMG!

[carby212]

@MrJakethebaker420 Look it up on gamespot.

[Stryker1501]

@MrJakethebaker420 there's a demo on the internet

[ccricers]

I like playing this online. My K/D ratio is infinity.

[HandicappedWalrus]

I'd buy it.

[Queenlafry]

Reporter- "And when we come back, a new cure for crying children; smothering."

Person Who Thinks Show is Real- "That would really help out a lot!"

[crazylaws475]

Look at that legendary Multiplayer, its going to skyrocket straight past mw3's!

[ToxicFox95]

I would buy this. Some one needs to ask the onion to actualyl do the things they make stories about.  LOL@ jeremylfisher

[jeremyIfisher]

aww the website is down :(

[TheSpartanK11]

@ItsSkaTV Yes, i have been hearing rumors of a supposed DLC. It includes new weapons such as knives and dynamite sticks. Also, in a major turn of events, a new way to beat the game is available for those who do not like shooting people in the face. To put it simply, you shoot them in the testicles.

[TheRaggamuffinStylee]

Looks like it's got a lot more depth than Call of Duty. Sign me up!

[ItsSkaTV]

Is there going to be DLC?

[AllHailThe9]

what the fuck is this!?

[TheSuperman1221]

Where can I purchase such an advanced game?!

[kingsman565]

It literally has got to this point with games today.

[elvishskills]

@kingsman565

>literally

i have yet to come across a solely face shooting based game

[kingsman565]

@elvishskills You've not played Fallout 3 then I take it.

[elvishskills]

@kingsman565

Now that you mention it...

I stand corrected.

[bRADnaptime]

@elvishskills okay... fallout 3 has a fuck lot more content and depth than its gore... I find it hard to believe either of you actually played it.

[DragoonBoom]

@kingsman565 It has if you've touched only the tip of the iceberg of what gaming has to offer. Case in point: fuck mainstream games.

[kingsman565]

@DragoonBoom Bring back platform games.

[jcwgarrett]

@kingsman565 What the 5 shooters that come out every year?

[wokeupthismorning100]

BORING GAME!!!! ONE STAR!!!!!

[Karascool]

@wokeupthismorning100 this game is going to be better than CoD and Battlefield combined. XP

[ThePinkCamal]

as always the first man to die was a black man.

[xg4bx]

this game would outsell CoD

[theplainest]

i just spit up my food.

[scully528]

just read the subtiles at the bottom,

don't even listen just read

[InsertGr8Name]

The amount of skill required to master this game must be shocking

[b4567890]

There's a problem, the site is now gone.

[mackat4ck]

A new cure for crying children, smothering! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[92spectrum]

i lost my shit when i saw the emu get shot

[niklas12ful]

are they trolling ? i cant tell

[MajR]

wtff

[Xardian116]

HAY! They never said if is was for the XBox or PS3!!!!

[KennyRuler1]

multi players hilarious. lol

[KennyRuler1]

reload. aim. wait screw the sights. just fvcking shoot.

LOOK OUT!!!!! Shoot the guy's face before he does nothing.

lol

[speedzjay]

BOOM HEAD SHOT ...LOL

[kohle36]

YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHhHHHH XBLAAAAAAA BITCHES GONNA PWN UR ASSES!!!!

[shadowC10ne]

Hahaha. This is so true with today's gaming. If we have games in which we fight the "bad guys" in a war then it's a small step to killing random people in the face.

[MrSafetymeeting]

OMG.I can't believe they have such a game!This is the kind of thing that leads to terrorism! I bet the CIA is involved.

[XSomeRandomAsianX]

@MrSafetymeeting hey, you realize this is fake?

[MrSafetymeeting]

@XSomeRandomAsianX The Onion is the only reputable source of news type info today

[TheUsername1029]

sadly, this is how every soccer mom sees video games

[wisewarriormuzic]

Thumbs up if you'd actually get this game XD

[MrEndymion9611]

I want this game.

[CalebCallister]

i would actually play that game...

[RammsteinTranslator]

1:29 made me laugh so fucking hard I cried and peed a little.

[bunchofdaisies]

headshots need to get nerfed in this game

[jackthestunner]

not gonna lie, i would buy it.

[FlamingBat]

That game would get old fast.

[shota541]

is this for free'?