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  • I remeber i downloade dthis to my ipod and stopped after i saw the phantom didnt wear a mask know i wanna watch it for the maid scenes

  • LOVE the phantom paradise reference. u made me laugh SO HARD

  • "I'm tho thorry. I love animalths."

  • And every time I see this movie it reminds me that I could be watching better movies Julian Sands was in like Warlock 2 and Rose Red. And whenever he sniffs her/her things/everything of hers it reminds me of the Nostalgia Critic's review of one of the animated Titanic movies

  • was that mouse trap fire thing real??

  • Anyways, back to The Goonies 2.

    MY FAVOURITE PART.

  • This movie, along with Batman and Robin are probably used as instruments of torture cuz of how bad they are.

  • 6.16 - love the Phantom of Paradise clip right there - great choice Phantom Reviewer

  • Just when I was thinking the fast forwarded stalking scene needed the 'Yakkity Sax', you delivered!

  • This movie is shitastic. I want my hour and a half back of my life. But thanks for the review! lol. :D

  • silly is a word only used in bad scripts. i hatethat both of the main men have long hair. Raoul is such a man whore in this movie(he is also a man whore in 1990) OmG... love the wizard of oz thing! of course the whore girlfriend has a wide mouth its for... well. ok, u get the point. This phantom must be really bad at frenching! oh god... not the Turkish bath scene! anything but that!

  • Owned! By a maid! LOL Your review makes me proud that I have the dvd of this movie.

  • Come on! I sympathise with rats, but I don't vision people in rat traps. Also wouldn't it just be one person? Don't rat traps only have the capacity for one rat? WTF?!

  • I think the rats are cute, though I don't like this role in this film.

  • Yeah, this movie does look horrible. I think I'll avoid it.

    Incidentally, at 3:52, where it looks like the worker's girlfriend starts digging, I think she's actually trying to get rid of her footprints so the phantom can't find her. Not quite as stupid as trying to dig her way to freedom but kind of stupid anyway. JUST RUN YOU IDIOT! Oh dear, she got her tongue bitten off!

  • this movie = pure torture

  • does someone want to explain to me what the hell that is at 6:14 ?

  • Tonight we're gonna party like it's 1899!

  • I wanna buy all your reviews on dvd

  • 5:26, this scene DOES make sense. It's a subplot where the pedophile managers poison the original owner of the opera house and steal his business. DUH!! :P

  • This movie totally sucks. But, I will say you make it almost enjoyable with your hilarious comments. I love the Phantom so much; but I cannot bring myself to ever check this movie out. This whole movie is complete shit. Julian's just creepy and Christine as a very long tongue (after seeing those "she's your daughter" clips).

    It was very, very cruel of you to torment poor Raoul and the Perisan with this movie. :P

  • 7:19 How to summarise this movie in one syllable!

  • 0:43 - 0: 45 Because he's a WIG wearing rat obsessed weirdo.

    I love how you put that little sound clip of the lion from the wizard of oz in there! Good Call!

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  • there's a lot of big-lipped alligator moments in this movie, are there?

  • @4:00, she's not digging, she's covering the tracks she made in the dirt so he can't follow them.

  • @18haylo 10months too late hun

  • ur not a phantom?

    rat of the opera?

  • I want to look away...but I can't stop watching. o_O

  • Who is that girl that reviews with you? Is it your wife or something?

  • @VHebert77 It's Biskuts, his partner

  • Oh yes, burning people in a rat trap to romantic music. Because that's all you need to get in the right mood, apparently.

    DARIO! IT'S YOUR GODDAMN DAUGHTER! Stop being a creeper. XD

  • He seriously bit her tongue off?!?!?! ......now he reminds me of voldemort

  • XD Ah, I couldn't get past the "Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!" thing. It's just the way you said it cracked me up.

  • 6:17 - Ahhhhh, Beef....you make EVERYTHING better :D This just gets better and better!

  • Ha I was skipping through the video even through the fastforward Benny Hill bits

  • Christine's maid is badass!

  • i totally agree this movie sucks, but in the book raoul does listen through the door the conversaion between the phantom and christine...just want to point that out....

  • Eh, I don't think Christine needs to run away to Sweden and especially with the maid. I think she should go out with the sweet guy who brought her flowers and let the maid take the Phantom on. :)

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  • well, I think she was... trying to erase her footprints

  • This is probably my favorite PhantomReviews review. SO funny, and much more worthwhile to watch than the actual Dario Argento movie! I mean, I don't know how to make movies at all, but I'm sure I could make a better film with just a cheap camera and sock puppets! (ala Potter Puppet Pals) LOL.

  • @datalal624 lol those puppet videos are badass!

  • Yes, I love the maid! lol

    Actually, I like this Raoul for all the reason you don't. I'm a Leroux fan, and the original Raoul was described as looking like a girl with a mustache. I think Argento got pretty close.

  • This version was pretty bad! I am even surprised some one else watched it.

  • "Thinking about either one of them being attractive people broke my brain a little."

    Thank you, Christine.

    I love the Wizard of Oz references, though it may very well be blasphemy to combine such a wonderful movie with this... thing.

    Also love the interspersed "Wait... WHAT. THE HELL?!" moments (with increasing pitch). There really are no other words when it comes to this movie.

    And by the way...

    WIG.

  • i just realizd that in the book christine also had a maid

  • another great review. :D

    since i never watched the movie...and now i thank the stars that I never did. But watching your review is so much better. And much for fun to watch. :D

    btw, what song was used during the 'fastforwarding of the teethy-girl'? It's on the tip of my tongue..but i can't remember.

  • Actually, her fainting spell scene, I have to say, looks at least a hell of a lot more realistic than most fainting I've seen on film. I have had a fair few fainting spells in the past and you don't just fall to the ground; you get nauseous, restless and you break into cold sweat. It's not pretty and that's pretty much what it looks like and those were smelling salts that doctor was giving her.

    But I agree. Both Erik and Raoul are as bad as each other.

  • Seriously, "Terror at the Opera" (dir. Dario Argento) is a ton better.

  • 6:15, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME WAS THAT? WHAT THE HELL WAS DARIO THINKING? WHAT ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH DOES IT MEAN?

    Thank God that Lon Chaney, Gaston Leroux and Claude Rains didn't see this. Probably, thery're turning over in their graves like rotisary chickens. Herbert Lom is still alive and I pray that he didn't see this shit-fest!

    Honestly, this film is WORSE than PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE! At least PLAN 9 didn't show little men in a rat trap or whatever the hell it was!

  • I KNOW!!! It looked like something out of Dante's Inferno, that is, if Dante Aligheri had had a really, really, long, really, really affecting brain lapse. I mean REALLY NOW.

    LOL, I end each of these parts just squeaking out, "What?! WHAT?!" because this is so awful. The review makes it waaaaaaay more tolerable, though. You guys rock!

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  • ROFL this is great...but i didn't think 'teeth' was trying to dig I though she was trying to cover her footprints...argh I ain't gonna watch this pile of poo movie again to find out lol

  • Beef: What wasth that!?

  • The girl at :33 reminds me of Gollum, esp. when she says "treasure? fortune?". LOL. She also resembles Princess Fiona as her ogre-ego when she falls in love with Shrek, etc. It's the lips mainly.

    And holy shit, Prince???? I wish it really were him in this, it would be even funnier.

  • I like the use of the Wizard of Oz reference, along with the mortal kombat one.

  • Does Raoul have a long pony tail? That's...unattractive. He looks like a creeper, rather than a heroic romantic.

  • Raoul doesn't have a pony-tail.

    But Mr. Destler does.

  • "The thought of either one of them being attractive broke my brain a little."

    So true Biskits, so true

  • I have to add that Julian Sands had a much better wig in Warlock

  • Phantom, I have GOT to see this movie!!!!!!

  • Julian Sands definitely looks better than Prince.

  • wow i've seen a ton of bad movies but that julian sands hallucinating on the opera house roof scene just left me speechless

  • "put them up, put them up"

    "I'm not a Phantom, I'm a rat."

    "I love thanimalsth."

    Ok i think i could watch this movie know without freaking out. Thanks...this is hilarious...in a weird demented way that i shouldn't love but its hard not to

  • 6:17 XD I love these Dario Argento Reviews

  • I admire you a lot, Mr Phantom!

    XDXD

  • Omg BEEF! Thank you! that made this movie so much more bearable XD

  • "WIG! WIG! WIG! WIG! WIG! WIG! WIG!"

  • "Think about either one of them being attractive broke my brain a little."

  • There's no originality in ANY of these death scenes! (Except maybe the guy who goes down the well in...part 2 I think?) I mean, the stagehand getting impaled like that is a complete rip-off of Phantom of the Mall! And that's not a great PotO movie either (although your review of it is great too)!

    I really hope you continue to make more Phantom reviews, PR! My daily YouTube experience wouldn't be the same without a new review from time to time!

  • Female Smell, DARIO IT"S YOUR DAUGHTER! and WIG are amazing.

  • Don't step on that spider!

    (it might be Lon Chaney)

  • it's true!

  • His hair in Warlock is so similar to the his wig in this movie. Perhaps they found the old wig in some old wardrobe covered in rat flith and thought "Perfect! This will work great for our Phantom!"

  • "I'm not a phantom, I'm a rat."

    Well that clears up a lot.

  • Raoul looks like Prince... and the Phantom looks like the lead singer from The Darkness! Maybe they should start a band...

    Thanks for these reviews, they're brilliant. And three cheers for the Benny Hill theme!

  • intruder alert!

    tell the master.

    lol

  • In actual defense of the movie (*gasp* I know), in the book, Christine does cry while she's singing and then keels over. Just letting you know.

    Everything else is awful in this movie, great review as always.

  • Ah, the joys of fiction XD

  • Someone pleeez drop a chandelier on this movie!!!!!!

  • I could totally mop my floor with raouls eyebrows!

  • lol at the roof top scenes i laughed sooooo hard! too weird dude

  • I think this whole review has broke my brain why are you torturing with this movie that is like 2 dogs humping and then one vomits.

  • hehe...your little convo of "A spider...a snake" reminded me of "Badger, badger, badger...mushroom! mushroom!"

  • Because he's a rat obsessed wierdo? Yeah pretty much! LMAO!!

  • This film is so bad. I WANT RAT MOBILE! :)

    That's the greatest part. It should have the batman theme pimping it, too.

  • Whoa, someone on this comments page needs a chill pill.

    In other news, I'm glad I'm not the only one who fast forwarded through the underground stalking scenes when I first saw this film.

    WIG!

  • "Fast Forwarding Tedium" and the wacky sax music were my favorite parts!

    This movie is so bad, it's difficult to lampoon. It speaks for itself!

  • this movie is like a lot of different really bad movies having a really nasty orgie with one another

  • I'm sorry but I have to object to this whole Raoul-is-just-as-bad-as-Erik-t­hing because ERIK KILLS INNOCENT PEOPLE and Raoul RISKS HIS LIFE (!!!) for the safety of another person!

    I'd say that's a pretty defining difference between the two, wouldn't you? I don't care how goddamn cynical you are, murder is STILL the worst thing one human being can do to another and risking your life is STILL one of the bravest and most noble things one human being can do for another!

  • I don't say that Erik is a hero and Raoul sucks. I say that Raoul does some creepy stalker things. Erik is clearly the worse alternative, and if you even think that calling someone a stalker is the same as calling someone a murderer, you need to take a chill pill, realize that this is an observation of one aspect of one character. You can take off your crusader's hat and go chillax. Christine is clearly better off with Raoul, but I think she would have been best off without either.

  • Alright, my apologies for blowing a gasket. Had a bit of a bad day.

    However, I would like to state that Raoul does a lot of his stalking because he suspects Christine is being stalked by someone else (which he is correct about) not really an excuse but it does place him slightly above the average stalker IMO

  • He ends up going to the cellars because he fears for her safety, but the time in the book when he displays the stalking behavior comes before he really knows anything about Erik. Good for him for being chivalrous(he's rather useless on that whole endeavor, but I'll give him an A for at least going), but seriously, that doesn't erase the fact that he was doing some of the same things Erik did.  Good deeds don't erase bad ones; Erik lets everyone go in the end, but that doesn't erase his misdeeds.

  • I ran out of characters. Darn 500-char limit. Anyway, have a better day today, and consider your argument and what you're arguing against before you go on a tirade. It just makes a messy situation and a whole clump of unhappy people.

  • Grrr whos made a mess of my nice tidy comments page? Can we go back to trashing the movie insted of eachother?

  • Haha, it was me.

  • Oh, go drop a chandelier on yourself! (kidding)

    I said I was sorry, okay! (presuming the crappy youtube comment system didn't eat up my apology post)

    Anyay, good job on the review, man. Horrible though it may be, this movie doesn't really get under my skin the way the ALW one does. Mostly because nobody really remembers it. Noone will ever look at this version and go: "Yup, that's the definitive POTO right there!", excpet Dario Argento maybe.

  • Haha, thank God for small favors. I agree completely. This is even entertaining in a few places in a 'horrendously bad movie' sort of way. The rest of it is just... disturbing.

  • On the bright side, at least the ALW version had a nice deformed phantom, even though the deformity was weak.

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  • Fpiet, when did I ever say that Raoul wasn't brave? When did I defend Erik for killing people? You're jumping to some pretty egregious conclusions here. I never said that stalking was as bad as killing. It's rather obvious that Erik's murders are inexcusable. If you read my post, what I ACTUALLY said was that Raoul's stalking was as bad as Erik's stalking. Nowhere in my previous comment did I ever excuse anything Erik did. I was simply comparing how similar Raoul and Erik are in this one case.

  • Alright I overreacted. But Raoul does do some of his stalking out of (correct) concern for Christine's safety, which places him slightly above the average stalker IMO

  • You know I almost bought this p.o.s being a phan but am so glad this was here to prevent such a horrible mistake! just when i didn't think this sh!t bong movie couldn't get any worse there's shite ad libbing with the singing, that awful 'fantasising bit' (not sure the naked man trap was the creepier of the two) rediculously boring unbelievable chase scene followed by out of place warped tongue biting and next a god damn turkish bath scene!? It's not good for the soul maaan! Love the review! x

  • "People forget that Raoul does a lot of the same weird, stalkerish things that Erik does. Really, both of them are creepers..."

    THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS! For some weird reason, this never gets said enough! It's like Raoul gets a pass on it, because he's supposedly the "hero" or whatever, but in the book, he's guilty of many of the stalkerish behaviors that Erik's guilty of. You're one of the few people I've seen who've called him out on it.

  • Could I just comment that ERIK KILLS INNOCENT PEOPLE!!! I think that's a pretty defining goddamn difference between him and Raoul, wouldn't you say!

  • SO because Raoul doesn't kill anyone, he's obviously some golden hero? I've been stalked upwards of five times, and none of them had killed anyone, either, but it was pretty damn scary nonetheless. Nobody is saying Raoul is as batshit crazy as Erik, whose actions are clearly horrible and inexcusable, but I would bet you'd be a little creeped out if some guy followed you around after you'd rejected him, listening at your doors and hiding in your dressing room and all that.

  • No, Raoul is a hero because he risks his life for the woman he loves. How's that for romance?

    Doesn't that count at all? That guy willingly goes down into those trap-filled cellars aware that there is an insane murderer there who, at that particular moment, REALLY wants Raoul dead. That, right there, is chivalry, pure and simple! I wish I had half the guts needed to do something like that.

  • That's Romantic with a capital R, plain and simple, but it doesn't automatically excuse his creepy behavior in my book, just like the fact that Erik led a seriously effed-up life doesn't excuse his horrendous behavior. You're equating me pointing out Raoul's squickiness as denying any good of his character and equating him with Erik's worst actions, which really is not what I did. Since I highly doubt we're going to agree, however, I'll leave my response at that. Have a glorious day.

  • Madam, you are completely correct and have taught me the valuable lesson that I should stay the hell away from youtube comment pages when I am in a bad mood.

    I sincerely apologize for overreacting and hope I didn't come off as too much of an a-hole.

  • Erik is not insane. Just...misunderstood...and he has some trouble with right and wrong, so in a way...he's like a small child.

  • Fpiet, I never denied that Erik killed people, and I wasn't really trying to make a case of who was the better person. I'm just saying that Raoul has many of the same stalking problems that Erik has, particularly in the book, and yet, people don't seem to acknowledge it. And in any case, unclench, dude. It's just fiction. It's not that big of a deal. lol

  • I know I just replied to you, but come on. As a fellow literature scholar (with a degree, even), I understand taking fiction seriously. As such, I made an observation about similarities between the two main male characters in the novel. Furthermore, nobody is debating who the better man is. I honestly don't know where you got that idea from, but it's not what's going on here, so you don't need to keep insisting that we are. We've explained to you what we said; you're beating a dead horse here.

  • he kills out of his love or something. I just want erik damn it. throw him a bone by throwing him to me.

  • No, in the book they said he killed people with the lasso. He did kill some people, but we love him anyway, which just adds to his charm, if you ask me XD

  • Raoul is NOT a fop. T_T

  • He totally is, hon. Sorry. ;D

  • Maybe in this Phantom version, but if Raoul really were a fop, he'd be in love with himself, and NOT Christine.

    Fops wouldn't risk their own life to save someone they love *coughChristinecough*

  • Whatever, he's a total dandy. And I'm not too fond of Christine, either.

    Erik, however, is all man. And totally awesome <333

  • Erik is too scary. Raoul = <3

  • You're quite welcome; Raoul is not the golden hero many make him out to be. Not to give him no credit--it was brave of him to go after Christine, but hiding in her dressing room, eavesdropping at doors, and stalking her around the opera sounds a little reminiscent of ANOTHER character. Raoul doesn't kill anyone and is good looking, though, which makes him somehow exempt. Speaking as someone who's been stalked several times, I don't really care for either Erik or Raoul's behavior XD

  • Yeah, I just read the novel again, after not reading it for a veeeery long time, and it really struck me how Raoul was guilty of many of the same things as Erik. Sure, he didn't kill anyone, and he was brave for going after her, but still. Stalking is stalking. Even if the stalker is handsome and a former friend.

  • Beef: What was that!

    lol loved that bit, eagerly awaiting part four as this has to be one of the funniest reviews yet!

  • Not to defend this crazy movie, but I think Goonies girl was trying to cover her tracks, not tunnel her way out. It's still crazy, though.

  • Oh dear, yes there is Turkish Bath and what other sh!t before this we get to end credits. You do a great job with this review.

    Oh, btw, the actress playing the Maid also played the dressmaker of the main character in Dario's other opera themed horror film "Opera" from 1989. Just pointing it out.

  • In all seriousness, Ty for the censor...I almost puked.

  • OMG I don't know if i can stand anymore of this. although I love your reviews this movie rapes me and every way imaginable. I think we should go back to duckular at lest that didn't rape me O_O

  • Oh dear God. There's a Turkish bath scene? And just when I thought this movie couldn't get any worse... and we haven't even gotten to rat sex yet! Love the reviews! You two really brighten up my day.

  • 8:52 Julian Sands used the same line when he and Christine first met.

    What, where they running out of original lines?

  • I think there are pornos that have plots which are more cohesive than this film

  • Thank you so much for posting these. I just came back from juries and needed a laugh. Thank you so much.

  • That stalking scene went on so long it took any suspense or fear completely out of me! Great review! This is definitely not the Phantom movie to watch.

  • "I'm a rat." You said it, not me.

    YES! Return of the Benny Hill theme!

    Wow, this IS a long review. Just that bad, eh?

  • "Just that bad," yes.

    I bought it on ebay completely unsuspecting many years ago, and a fellow phan and I sat down to watch it. It was probably the single most warping experience of my life. DX

    The worst part about it is that it is a pretty, well-shot film; it's just completely effed up in what the pretty shots are showing you.

    Believe me, the worst is yet to come. DX DX DX

  • Awesome review, once again. Can't wait for the next part.

  • oh jesus, the turkish bath...

  • dude the fantom stole lucious malfoys hair

  • Hahaha! This movie looks so horrible!! Your reviews are qute funny! I mean what the crap is this?!!?!? "I'm not a Phantom....I'm a rat" WHAT THE CRAP?! Haha I can't wait for part 4!! xD

  • i want more, this review is getting really good, wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wig wiiiiiiiiiiiigggggggggggg

  • Hahaha both Raoul and the Phantom looks like rats! xD

  • "I'm not a phantom, I'm a rat"???? WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT?! What kind of line is that?! That's stupider than the female smell line.

  • WigWig! I love that. This movie looks like something you would find in a toilet at McDonald's, great job.

  • Another fabulous review! And I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of "What the Hell was THAT?!" and "Dario, It's Your DAUGHTER!!" moments. Lol. Well, maybe not quite lol. ;-P

    Waiting quite patiently for Part Quatre.

  • Quick sidenote...I wonder how Raoul feels about you calling him a stalker, Christine...lol! I mean, he IS still being forced to watch this, isn't he? ;-D

  • Well, he can take some notes for how NOT to win my heart, can't he? ;}

  • Julian Sand's tounge bitting canniblism makes Hannibal Lecter's actions seem classy....

  • Hannibal Lecter's ALWAYS classy, even when he's eating sweetbreads XD

  • Wow, this film looks horrible...excellent review, PhantomReviewer! Can't wait to see the next bit!

  • Anthner great review Phantom! Say I wanted to ask who did create the chase music in 4:20?

  • That would be the Benny Hill tune. You can add it to any chase scene to add instant entertainment value.

  • The sad part is that it's true. But who originated that anyway? the Monty Python team?

  • Benny Hill.

  • Ah..forgive me...I'm not known for British comedy trivia aside from Monty Python, Mr. Bean, Fawlty Towers...Some Mothers do Ave Them..Keeping up Appearances...Yeah I need to stop listening to to Opera.

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  • Wigwigwigwigwig!

    I'm sure Raoul's gotta wig on too!

    Another fab and amusig review! Spot on!

    One note: the toothy bint isn't trying to dig out, she's trying to cover her footprints so the Phantom can't follow her. Still daft though.

  • Wow. Thanks you guys! "Phantom Wins by Fatality". This stuff is rather ridiculous. Argento, Master of Horror? No, Master of Whore.

  • OMG! The raoul in the story is totally UGLY!!

  • Love the Dario "wtf" moments, which is pretty much the whole film come to think of it? And I hate the film. But I love the review! Oh boy; moral dilemma alert.

  • Oh no...the dreaded bath scene.

    God I can't decide who is worse in this movie: Erik or Raoul.

    I agree, they're both so CREEPY AND UGLY AND DOWN RIGHT DISGUSTING.

    I can't wait for part 4 though, great job once again~!!!

  • You guys are to funny, Christien I can't wait for your solo review. I really hope you keep on doing this

  • I LOVE THIS!!!

  • oh no the infamous turkish bath scene! I can't wait.

    You Might be wondering why i am possibly on yotube at 6:00 in the morning...well its because i love you and your reviews, my dear.

    keep it up xoxoxo

  • I forgot to mention--You have the word "WIG" in the tags for this video. You're glorious XD <3

  • The chase scene gave me serious vertigo all sped up like that. And here I thought it was bad in real-time! Oh well, rest in pieces, Teeth!

    I love Beef. And PR.

    TURKISH BATH!! *dundundun*