Department Of Treasury Releases New Monsters Of The Silver Screen 20 Dollar Bill

[MattS3NTM]

who is Trish?

[ToliveAnimations]

@MattS3NTM A result of smoking.

[bryoneill11]

SO, in other words, they are begging atheists to fix nation problems now

[TrySomeMusic]

@bryoneill11 No, that's not what they're asking.

[Krauserowns]

whoever does the voicover for this needs to be fired for implying that the onion will ever perish

[Legitimatemuffins]

stephen hawking is british...

[UberCookieboy]

"You were right, we we're wrong we-we have no fucking idea h'wat we're doing"

xD

[Kiwibirdman1701]

These are so boring!

[totallynotactuallyme]

It's a good thing I don't want kids.

[Karmakameleeon]

Stephen Hawking is British. I had no idea cause I could never detect an accent.

[2Critical4You]

@Karmakameleeon I see what you did there...

[StudentOfObjectivism]

Lol, American scientist: Stephen Hawkins.

[williamkendrick]

that was a great looking 20 dolla bill.

[Alexshrugged92]

Lol! I laughed so hard when they showed Cornell West as a "philosopher."

[shawnwoolsey117]

Ok i'll fix America

[Fayun144]

cigarettes cause trish! oh no!

[notastampcollector]

Why did they show Stephen Hawking when talking about US scientists?

[cromicus]

0:34 Frederic Mishkin is NOT a smart person. He accepted $124,000 to write a paper praising the stability of Iceland's banking system a year before it collapsed, and as Fed governor he oversaw the 2008 U.S. financial crisis. Youtube his interview for the film Inside Job and you will have no respect for this man.

[andyandymax]

@cromicus - He made $124,000 on a lie and you call him STUPID? No respect due him, okay, Immoral, okay. But he's 124K riher, and you and I are not. (Well,I'm not, anyway. I don't know anything about you.) By the way, just in case, I'm only kidding.

[10shinhan]

This is still more accurate than Fox news.

[jessemaurais]

"A newly deployed soldier has dreamed of fighting in the Afghan war since he was a little kid."

When you realise that this is now possible you'll be shocked, then ashamed.

[Stealthsuit07]

@jessemaurais Damn...

[pervysage35]

I fucking love the top comments!XD

@Gnometower

@louisuniverse

[LoryLandskipper]

"eons from now" LMFAO

[gregclarkey]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerm steven hawking is british 

[PerchickSpore]

Cigarettes cause Trish xDDD LMFAO!!!!

[666jealous666]

I love how they think Stephen Hawking is American -.-

[StrangerInPublic]

Love this one, Go Onion.

[winsomemastix]

God I wish this one were true...

[pacogoatboy]

Is it just me, or does the thumbnail image for this video look like some weird guy sniffing someone else's armpit?

[TheRandomSkillz]

The Onion has made me think of shows they should do.

Like one I just thought of is that Cell Phone companies are now hiring people to get with their single customers and text and call them hundred of times a day, raising their bills through the roof. Congress has agreed to allow this because it reduces our unemployment.

[dinodragster]

I'm tired of these jew jokes within comments complaining about jew jokes, for the love of god it's annoying

[l337pwnage]

wow, a story on the 99%.

[daspoooop]

deformed baby kinda overstepping it imo

[Regginyaga]

Economists aren't smart

[examinationboard]

Has this show sold out or what. i hate these videos where they just throw out stupid headlines and save the funny shit for tv, tv that most other country's cannnot see.

[willowtreephoto]

@examinationboard Go to their website and read the articles that it mentions. Onion news has been around a long time, this is the headlines.

Just like frontpage of a newspaper, you have to open the thing to get more.

[luisramos123]

Stephen Hawking is british, not american

[SpeedyDrawMcGraw]

@luisramos123 It said smart people, not smart Americans.

[shiningturtle]

@SpeedyDrawMcGraw ...but he said "US scientists..."

[smartarse001]

Hello, I am Dr Klaus Steiphenbacher, and you ain't getting shit, faggots.

NERR NERR NAH NERR NERR!

[hameyadea]

I HAVE A SOLUTION! To save money, remove the U in USA. Less letters to print = more money saved!

[ReaperCH90]

i'm a smart guy, gimme power and i will bring the US and A back to the top

[tchapps1]

Who is Doctor Claus Steifenbacher?

[nitsua96]

You know what, These Jew jokes are getting really old, Anne Frankly I am getting sick of them!

[walshygel2]

@nitsua96 Wehrmacht as spam and move on

[LEFT4BASS]

@nitsua96 I know, man. I do Nazi why they are so hitlarious.

[theakstonsrock]

@nitsua96 Agreed man, we need a Final Solution to put a stop to it.

[MutantRomance]

@nitsua96 We need to learn to Passover these tastless jokes and learn to be more Gentile about the subject.

[PowerfulSplicer]

@nitsua96 I know they're making me Führerious.

[cjshisno7]

@nitsua96

personally i think it's Heilarious

[myuzeefreak]

@nitsua96 Right? Like, how do people Nazi what's wrong with telling such jokes?

[NickyAmerica]

@nitsua96

These jew jokes are nazi so funny anymore, Anne frankly, I am at my auswitz end with them.

[BMW1364]

@NickyAmerica wtf? that doesnt even make sense..

[ariandynas]

@nitsua96 Owch. The pun, it hurts.

MAKE THE HURTING STOP!

[phdan123]

@nitsua96 ohh that joke is really out of mein kampfort zone

[gameboy281]

@nitsua96 I can nazi how they even think jew jokes are funny

[gredangeo]

@gameboy281 Definitely, Jew jokes are out Mein Kampfort zone.

[bique2]

@nitsua96 Yeah! I Do Nazi The Humor In Them Anyways.

[98nafets]

Cornell West?

[flyersphan111]

0:34 wtf? Stephen Hawking is British...

[charlesvan13]

@flyersphan111

He was a US resident when at Cal. Tech.

[flyersphan111]

@charlesvan13 May be true, but usually, people refer to their place of birth to describe wheter they're American, British, Canadian, etc.

[dpy81]

Steven Hawking is British not American :)

[MacDaddyPuma]

@dpy81 not anymore he is ours

[mtssvnsn]

IWoz awaaaaay!

[Ramsez]

people calling on smart people? you wish

[walkerredeye]

isn't  hawking english?

[kaneyp]

US scientist, stephen hawkin? He's English...

[demonorse]

Producing joyless depressed adults is fine, just don't produce any fucking republicans!!!

[snewso]

Who the fuck is trish?

[UWARABLE]

The local synagogue was giving out free circumcisions for halloween in my town

[robotpanda77]

Why the fuck is that afro wearing moron in there with the "smart" people? Is that part of the joke? They should put a clown in there too. Oh wait, they ALREADY DID. Not smart enough to know how to buy a comb apparently.

[NobodysOffTheHook]

Rofl.

[bouhcbeta]

thats it, im quitting smoking now

[DonReba]

Better than usual.

[mrbadx19]

hell, put a pic of laura, my cube "mate" on a pack of smokes and 90% of people would stop smoking! 5'7" and 300+ pounds of lard takes a smoke break every hour! trish would almost get me dating again!

[Superfresh602]

cigrattes cause trish lmfao, and the raiders probably gave up two first round picks for madden lol

[MeatLoafEnchilada]

Onion views are PLUMMETING

[Kevin7557]

Okay I'm on fixing the problems. I'll need a week and I better get no lip.

[BluTwilight8]

rotf this was hilarious.

[01Blank10]

john madden should work in NASA

[Rcrby525]

@01Blank10 JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, JOHN MADDEN, UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU­UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU­UU

[deathbunny32]

Ha, that afghan war one was harsh.

[modelmajorpita]

Republicans have systematically glorified ignorance and attacked education at all levels, because only the rich and the stupid support neo-con policies.

[spinnernet1]

I like the joke about the sun "dreading rising this morning" at the beginning.

In fact, the whole vid was very funny.

[Obet1979]

All right stupid people, I will fix the world.

[Fancysymbol]

That openning bit is kinda dark if u think about it...

[tomitstube]

"a newly deployed soldier has dreamed of fighting in the afghan war since he was a little kid".

thank you boeing, northrop grumman, and lockheed martin.

[Gnometower]

Oh... Jew jokes in the comments again. I did nazi that coming. I was Goehring to write something clever, but figured it was not the reich thing.

[louisuniverse]

@Gnometower what did jew expect ?

[Chaoitcme]

@louisuniverse Hey jew you.

[jmdagger94]

@Gnometower Anne Frankly, i think they should stop

[ElfmanLV]

@Gnometower To be honest, I found it Hitlerious.

[Mossgate97]

@Gnometower These nazi jokes are horrible, ann frankly i am tired of it!

[Edgehead178]

@Gnometower I LOVE YOU

[UnSlaved4ever]

Dr. Stephen Hawking is a Brit, an European. so.. HA!

[lVIarshaLL]

cigarrettes cause trish loool

[zvi303]

They want the guys who messed everything up in the first place to fix things? Oh, that'll help.

[expIorer5148]

I know who's going to quit smoking now!

[leeo268]

Holy shyt, some of these fake news ideas might actually work

[mrbisshie]

Do want monsters of the silver screen 20 dollar bills!

[lucklessluke]

ermm when you said US scientists Stephen Hawking is British

[kiizutsuita]

The onion is so clever!

[UndefinedMadrid]

Hawkings is not an American scientist

[davidls11]

@UndefinedMadrid And his name isn't Hawkings.

[UndefinedMadrid]

@davidls11

Right... It's his last name. What is your point?

[davidls11]

@UndefinedMadrid My point is you still haven't caught your mistake...although you were right about him not being an American.

[UndefinedMadrid]

@davidls11

I referred to him by using his last name. Have you never seen anyone do that before?

[davidls11]

@UndefinedMadrid Hawking, not Hawkings.

[CrazedNovaProduction]

At 0:06 - 0:11 pretty much me right there.

[gulllars]

0:20 i've often wondered about why the average level of intelligence in politcs and fraction of real scientists in office seems to be lower than the average college-educated population.

It is also my belief that if 1/3 of politicians were requred to have a natural and/or computer science degree, the world would be a better place. Perhaps also engineers?

[davidls11]

@gulllars Smart people are too smart to go into politics.

[gulllars]

@davidls11 an unfortunate but mostly true observation. An exception is germany, who has their equivalent of prime minister, Angela Merkel, who has a phd in quantum chemistry and worked as a published researcher in that field for a few years.

I've also noticed smart people going into local politics when there is bad leadership and no real alternative other than them. This is somewhat what happened to me this fall in the student democracy of my college.

[jugallojed]

Just the boost I needed today!

[thexsoar]

who is Trish?

[thankqwerty]

Stephen Hawking is a british!!!

[Jeremiah2450]

Don't pass up the Jewish household on Halloween, they give out the extra large candy bars...

[Jeremiah2450]

In The Creature from the Black Lagoon we Trust.

[amyrat151]

God, how I wish the story about all the dumb people in America turning to smart people to make things better was true. ::sigh::

[lollalot]

@amyrat151 Problem with that is, a lot of dumb people think they're smart.

[GeneralGiantPanda]

:37 WOZ!

[Teranex]

So bro but Hawkings=Brit

[fateunreal]

its about time i have been waiting for new stuff from the onion new for while now...

[viking977]

i wish the first story would happen

[TotemX]

Trish is one hot piece of ass.

[ASCIISyaeZ]

Why does the thumbnail look like the guy is sniffing bra?

[rampage241]

Fucking Brilliant!

[flamingibanez]

The funniest bit is when "our scientists" shows an English guy (Hawking) do you not have your own?

[isveryniceyes]

@flamingibanez Not just us, the USA. Everybody fucked up. EVERYBODY.

[flamingibanez]

@isveryniceyes I know, but it's funny because it specifically states "US scientists"

[isveryniceyes]

@flamingibanez Haha I see. Good job there The Onion.

[syafiqjabar]

@flamingibanez

They wanted to get Carl Sagan, but then they remembered he's dead.

[gamerunknown]

@flamingibanez

They "have" Neil deGrasse Tyson, but science knows no borders.

[AsbelTheSoporific]

@flamingibanez nope. we dont. our country outsources intelligence due to lack of local supply.

[mikedamat]

@flamingibanez There aren't many famous ones. We sadly have an anti-science culture, look at the GOP candidates.

[toonadict]

@flamingibanez Nah, we bully the shit out of our smart people. Call em nerds, shove em in lockers, give out swirlies.. Eventually they kill themselves rather then deal with the daily torture. Remember, being smart is for loosers who cant play sports.

[redwallcools]

@toonadict rather than* losers* can't*

Another win for the smart people!

[DazmoTube]

@flamingibanez

Oh fuck, I forgot England is a shining example of how to not fuck everything up. I should have realized sooner that the global economic crisis was caused by and in fact only exists in the United States.

[apathist04]

I only came here because I thought a guy was being smothered in some chicks boobs.

[jipidibipity]

@flamingibanez I don't know- Jay Vacanti and Robert Langer ain't half bad- considering their tech could eventually replace diseased organs with gene therapied healthy organs of the same DNA. Kywds: Artificial Organ Regrowth - NOVA scienceNOW....

[agent1442]

@flamingibanez you see, that's exactly the sort of thing that he could help with.

[plostellum]

@ Science-Report: I knew it!

[b88104044]

the smart people part really cracks me hard hahahaha...so the trash and parents parts, this week really is brilliance all around.

[nightkraawler]

I can only hope that my future grandsons are gonna be proud to go risk their lives in the Afghanistan war

[nightkraawler]

@nightkraawler like that soldier.

[jeremyshambles]

i knew a trish that smoked but she was well fit, a bit raspy, but fit indeed...

[angstyDarko]

screw quitting pshh b ecause.. trish looks like she's having a damn good time with her cigarette!

[JMMT7022801]

Do you think we'll ever get to see Al Bundy, Red Foreman, Homer Simpson, and Peter Griffin on a $20 bill anytime soon?

[Vinxian1]

@JMMT7022801 I sure hope so :P

[BeAnBeAn22]

my names Trish...

[Alphapunk2]

@BeAnBeAn22 hahaha :D

[epayne6]

Poor Trish.

[pudicus2]

lmao can't wait until 0:30 comes true

[alecnovella3]

LOOOOOOOOL

[gmsherry1953]

Ayn Rand would be smiling -- if she believed in an afterlife; the Onion agrees that smart people need to fix everything. And the parenting story is pure brilliance. Usually there's a thin line between satire and the truth; in those two cases there's NO line.

[MarkFaust]

I WISH they'd make Universal Monster money! That would be fucking awesome!

[slapnut892]

OK. I'll never smoke again.

[Xezatt]

onion is getting uninteresting and unfunny

[Frohstar]

@Xezatt I disagree, this is the best one in awhile.

[Javimonotheism]

Eons from now, the Wise ones will definitely talk about you Onion... Oh most definitely.

[aestevalis0]

Oh yeah, the parenting story.

[7Rafe7]

i never understood what the green logo was supposed to be

[aestevalis0]

@7Rafe7 Seriously?  It's an onion.