Epic Relationship Rant - Marriage is like fasting?

[vanhuran]

Amen to all that been married 15 years and it takes alot of patience and understanding.

But the number one thing is compromise, at least for me that's when you really grow up.

[206pappy]

To a degree you're right but you really get to know a person when you're under the same roof. It's all on the table then... so to speak..lol. People tend to put on different faces depending on who's around. That always confused me. I'm just me regardless.

But you nailed it early on in this vlog. Maturity, knowing yourself and being comfortable with your own quirks and bs is as important as knowing the other persons. Don't get caught up in understanding the quirks. Just accept them.

[HLSince89]

my advice to guys is dont get married... ask your self why.. like really... whats the point? so she can screw your ass when you get divorced

[lauriejennifer]

@HLSince89 LOL. I hate to say "u mad bro?" but the line is soooo perfect here! (I hope you're the sort with a sense of humor. I mean no offense)

[dalotel]

@HLSince89 Some states recognize Common Law marriage, beware. Divorce statistically is high. But, some were taught to believe marriage is sacred, a moral environment to raise kids, making a life long commitment, devoted, cherished, putting the other one first, out of love. It's not Utopia when single minded women live in fantasy, never understanding how to give back into the relationship. They're seeking security, money, and kind words, regardless of how much of an idiot they turn out to be! LOL

[tjmick1992]

I've never had a girlfriend and have no plans to do so at the moment anyway. I'm safe...

[bbundridge]

Damn LJ, hit it spot on. Money is definitely a big issue.

[ashf00t]

This is an awesome rant! I think I'm going to make a response to it :) Interesting thing is, I thought the same thing, to not move in with someone until I was married...ya that didn't work...I moved in after 3 months and now almost 3 years later we're still together. Took me a couple months to get used to it and we did fight quite a bit after a year of living together (mostly financial lol) Now that I've got a better job we rarely fight.

[lauriejennifer]

@ashf00t I'd be interested to hear your response! Money is a common point of tension in relationships. I'm very happy for you that A) you've worked it out, and B) you got a better job. Congrats on both accounts!

[ashf00t]

@lauriejennifer Thanks bud! Wish you the best of luck in your future relationship! (that is if you want one hehe)

[lauriejennifer]

@ashf00t Let's put it this way: I am absolutely loving being single and very content. I don't feel like I "need" to be in a relationship. I have incredible friends and family, epic hobbies, and a great job. If I never "found someone," I wouldn't feel like my life was somehow less full. I live life to the fullest. That said, I am certainly not closed to the idea by any means, if you catch what I mean.

[ashf00t]

@lauriejennifer Ya not to be ironic or anything but I found my boyfriend when I wasn't looking lol. Joined a bike night and he was the one who never really talked to me, he wasn't shy by any means, he says he was trying to "figure me out" LOL I was REALLY weird back then :p But power to ya! I had some of the best times being single! And some of the worst, I guess it's a double edged sword.

[navythomas8]

Way to deep for me LJ!!!! Cant we all just have fun? LOL!!

[canis002]

know what... that actually made a lot of sense!

good vlog LJ.. good vlog.

[SCRC401]

LOL!!! You sound like M13 in this one!

[DblOSmith]

Makes perfect sense to me.

[NVDawg1]

LJ. I love your vds a lot. The thing involving marriage dear................is definitely scope him out bigtime.

Paul(NVDawg1

[lauriejennifer]

@NVDawg1 Great advice. Thanks, mate. If it ever happens to me, I would hope that it would be with someone I've been friends with for a while.  Not that I look at every friendship with a guy as a potential date (not even close), but that I think having such a history would be a great foundation for the best sort of marriage.

[martialme84]

@lauriejennifer agreed.

Read a book about that and the thing you said about "all the junk in your heart comes to light" and "if you´re being grumpy and not nice, that´s not them...that´s you" was in that book too..

[dodgerider26]

@lauriejennifer Koi and I have been best friends since 2002.

[cromick69]

Love is riding your bikes together to Church's Chicken.

[lauriejennifer]

@cromick69 Haha! I love that.

[DblOSmith]

@cromick69 AMEN!!!! :)

[RZGOBLIN]

Rare and difficult to find, but it is possible to find an accomplice.

[lauriejennifer]

@RZGOBLIN Accomplice! I like that. LOL

[h2otek]

When each seriously gives 100% and there is no option for failure- failure can't happen. Easier said than done! If you think it should be 50/50 you misunderstand what it takes. Selflessness means putting up with the other as they are hopefully doing for you. Then understanding that different genders really do think & communicate differently. What I hear is often NOT what my wife means- but it makes perfect sense in her language despite it simply making no sense to me. Hard work, very worth it!

[lauriejennifer]

@h2otek Very, very well said, sir. It's not 50/50; it's 100/100.  And I hear you on the communication thing. I've been blessed to have grown up with many close guy friends, but my female friends who didn't are constantly "reading into" everything the guys in their lives say and do. "Speculation is the enemy of calm" is one of my favorite sayings. If I'm not sure what a guy means, I just ask.

[suburbanryder]

@lauriejennifer Yes, you have arrived at the genius level when you understand guys that well.

Many women don't, and spend weeks pondering, "What did he really mean?"

[lauriejennifer]

@suburbanryder Not only do they spend weeks wondering, they spend weeks wondering aloud with any of their female friends who will sympathetically listen. I am often mutual friends with the guy in question and have to bite my lip a lot. I try to urge them to "just ask him" and that they're probably seeing shadows that aren't there, so to speak... but it rarely works and their friendship inevitably falls apart. :(

[h2otek]

@lauriejennifer We guys like this! You sure seem level headed & ahead of the game in figuring out how it works. Of course knowing the rules & learning to apply them in the heat of the moment can be 2 different things! :-)

Singleness vs. relationship: Either can be a gift -or curse if expectations are wrong. Choosing contentedness as we are is a HUGE blessing! Then sometimes we get surprised when we find someone when we weren't necessarily looking. Which I think is the best way.

[RC62]

Been married 22 years next month. Me and the wife are very different in many ways but agree on most of the important stuff. We've learned to put up with each other. That is the biggest thing in a relationship. You have to understand that your mate has to put up with your BS as much as you have to put up with theirs. The other important thing is to be able to make each other laugh. Key ingredients to success. :D

[lauriejennifer]

@RC62 Happy Early Anniversary! That's awesome. I totally agree with you, too. I have this approach with my roommates, too. I am patient and gracious to the best of my ability, knowing they have to put up with all of my weird quirks, too. At least we all have separate bedrooms! LOL

Laughter is the best! I don't think I could ever marry someone who didn't make me laugh.

[kary1982v6]

you seemed a little disorganized :) good point though.. I see a lot of couples that give up over stupid things... more people should think about it before jumping into it! (both directions, marriage or not) both actions have results..

[lauriejennifer]

@kary1982v6 Haha! Well, this wasn't exactly a rehearsed speech, and I was on a motorcycle. LOL Yeah, some do seem to give up too easily. It's a shame. Other times, I see one person trying to stick it out when the other person has clearly given up ages ago. Both are heartbreaking.

[FoxF8]

ooo i like this video. you should do more opinionated topics that make people rethink there view on things. i for one agree with you on this topic. no living together until married. it would just make the bonds you create with that person that much worse if things don't work out.

[lauriejennifer]

@FoxF8 I recorded another one today, actually. I'll post it later this week, hopefully.

[NVDawg1]

I failed at that thing............errrr, marriage twice. Anyone should be really sure about compatibility before taking the plunge. Sometimes the sexy part takes over yer brain, and you become a total fool.

[lauriejennifer]

@NVDawg1 Aw, I'm sorry. There is definitely a lot of heartache around this issue for so many people. And, yeah, it can be hard to stay rational and level headed. This is why I'm sort of hoping that if I ever marry, it will be with someone I've been "just friends" with for a while. The theory is, there would be a more solid relationship history, apart from the dizzying romance.

[LifeInDecibel]

The commitment to a marriage and everything that goes with it isn't hard I'd you are truly in love with the person. At least that's my persona experience. ymmv

[lauriejennifer]

@LifeInDecibel I hear ya there.  However, love as a feeling can and does ebb and flow. The commitment to stick it out and take the low road isn't always easy, because the emotional high isn't forever and always, you know?

That said, I think it's super awesome that your marriage is so healthy. That's a blessing. I'm truly happy for you, no cheese. (It still comes across sounding cheesy... stoopid internet)

[starhobo14]

Some good point there. But my aunts marriage failed due to her not living with her (at the time) soon to be husband. Their religious morals didn't allow for them to live prior to getting married. Now they are in constant feud and there is a child in the mix. It has literally been chipping away at the family as a whole. So, respectfully I disagree and say that it is very important to live together before getting married out of respect for both of the people involved. Not to mention people chan

[lauriejennifer]

@starhobo14 Aw, that really sucks. That's gotta be hard. I'm sorry your family is going through that, them especially. Not much I can say. :-/

I wasn't trying to argue against living together. I was trying to argue for (fight for?) those who give up too easily, married or not. They move in together, realize it's hard work, and quit too soon. They miss out on what could have become a great relationship.

Others, though, yeah. Some people aren't terribly compatible. :(

[starhobo14]

@lauriejennifer Yeah I agree that some just are not compatible. However I also think that most of the time it should be known or apparent very quickly.

[lauriejennifer]

@starhobo14 Unless one or both parties involved are either in denial, or are hiding something. That happened to someone in my family. And sometimes they're hiding something from themselves as much as from the other person, you know? I think it's really important to know yourself first, before you go getting your life intertwined with someone else's.

[h2otek]

@starhobo14 Agree to disagree?

And it'd have been different if they shacked up? Becoming the right person remains way more important than finding the right person. I say this after nearly 25 years of marriage. Some were not so easy, but if they were all easy I wouldn't have been pushed to grow more mature. The only "chipping" that needs to be happening is upon our own rough edges. If we're unwilling to learn to flex a little, it is then our own fault for forcing our own misery.

[starhobo14]

@h2otek It would have been different if they lived together before marriage. They both say that. However I'm not disagreeing either. I just think its very important to live with your soon to be partner before just simply marrying.

[QueenAnn01]

Nice topic of conversation.

[lauriejennifer]

@QueenAnn01 Thanks! I've been sitting on this footage for a while.

[67kneil]

44 years old still single yessss dodged the bullet i think people jump into marriage because its the social norm esp when entering the age of thirty. It seems like even if you casually date it becomes a relationship of bondage

[lauriejennifer]

@67kneil Yeah, I have seen people hastily get married and regret it. I've seen others happily married for decades. Who knows? I know plenty of friends who are freaking out about "still being single." I think marriage would be a great adventure, but I'm still loving being single. I do not feel alone at all.

[whylie74]

ooh, senior moment

I misread the title, I thought it read "marriage is like fisting"

sorry, my bad.

its divorce, divorce is like fisting.

[lauriejennifer]

@whylie74 LOL

[TheTacticalBarrage]

I will agree with Paul's view on the subject and leave it at that. :)

[lauriejennifer]

@TheTacticalBarrage Haha! Should I have muted this vlog, then, too? ;-)

[TheTacticalBarrage]

@lauriejennifer Never do that I like hearing you talk. I was just saying that people can be more focused on what matters when they are single then when they are with someone. they have less distraction and more focus on their goals. In Paul's case he was saying only marry if you lack the self control to resist temptation. I was trying to let you know it's ok to be single. :D that was all. ... keep riding! and of couursee talking... :)

[1954shadow]

To some one seeing LJ waving her hand around, they might think, "hey, there is a Christian biker and she is just blessing the road ahead." LJ, there is some one out there for everyone, I am living proof of that maxim.

[lauriejennifer]

@1954shadow Aw, thanks! Part of me fears I am a bit too quirky and free spirited, but I'm not even 30, and I still love being single. By the way, I miss you guys! I should try to stop by when the weather breaks. It's been raining or too cold in the evenings.

[420FlyByNight]

I love how youre talking about relationships and riding a bike, and then I look down at the bottom of the screen and there's an ad for free catheters. YAY!

[lauriejennifer]

@420FlyByNight Hahaha! I love when YouTube does something like that.  LOL

[Snowhite808]

Soooo - basically You saiyn "don´t get married, huh?"

Just in a supermotogirly kinda way?!?

Like sayin to the neighbours "i hate You" - by taking a massive loan on your house and building a 10story high massive sign explaining all their faults :)

[lauriejennifer]

@Snowhite808 Haha! I would love to get married, but I am also very much loving being single. I'm quite content either way, and either choice comes with trials and blessings.

[theamazinbagman]

what are your tolerances with divorce, obviously if there is abuse you can expect a person to get out of the relationship, but if there is no abuse its just the marriage making their lives hell do you divorce then because maybe thats whats needed for the people to have a healthy ralationship

[Snowhite808]

@theamazinbagman Why then get married after all??

In my country we are not that religious nor "all in for marriage" and the majority of jounger people living together as a family are never married. The "boohoo -lets get married" thing is just so overrated. Plus if You had trouble living with somebody before - getting legally commited will make all the trouble worse.

[theamazinbagman]

@Snowhite808 yep its definatly the culture to get married or "old fashioned"

also i was having a poke at LJ, i shouldnt make fun of her because shes christian. But one of my friends a jahovahs witness has some disturbing views on marriage and divorce and everything else because there are no morally grey areas

[lauriejennifer]

@theamazinbagman There are definitely times where divorce is necessary. It's still heartbreaking, but it can be totally the best thing. Relationships are complicated, and it's almost impossible to impose black-and-white rules across the board, you know? There are dynamics to consider that it would not be merciful or loving (or even just) NOT to take into consideration.

[derrarocket]

I get what your saying i am a total a*sh^le if i dont get enough sleep but i have never fasted because it affects my training

[lauriejennifer]

@derrarocket Ah, sleep is totally another great example. "Sorry, I'm so angry. I just didn't sleep well last night." Correction: You are angry, because anger is in you. Sleep deprivation is just bringing it to the surface." Truth hurts, but it helps you change when you embrace it. Fasting can be a positive part of training, but do a LOT of research first. Juice fasts are the bomb.

[CranberryJam]

Get it all off your chest.

You sure had a bee in your bonnet about relationships that day.

[lauriejennifer]

@CranberryJam Haha, I know! Normally, I get all goofy and happy when I ride. Not sure why this was so different. Sometimes it just happens, you get passionate about something.

[dorseyeliana]

I loved ur topic. I want to ask you have u ever been in a relationship n how was your experience? If you want to fast for Christ try fasting on something other than food.

[lauriejennifer]

@dorseyeliana Yeah, there are definitely other ways/means to fast, if health restricts you from water fasting. I have yet to "find anyone," mostly because I haven't been looking. Until I was about 23 or 24, I didn't even know who I really was or what I wanted in life, so I chose to stay single until I could figure my stuff out. Once I got over that mid-20's life crisis, I decided I really enjoyed being single. LOL We'll see if I change my mind. I'm not opposed to marriage.

[mister0ldschool]

relationships are hard indeed :\

[lauriejennifer]

@mister0ldschool Hard, but worth it. We only have each other.

[RandomFilmsUK]

i liked this video the moment you tried to defend yourself and have a mini conversation with yourself about defending yourself.

[lauriejennifer]

@RandomFilmsUK Haha! I do that to myself a lot, I just don't always verbalize it for the entire interwebz.

[SpeedsterGuyCoverage]

I wonder if passing motorists notice you talking with your hands while alone on a motorcycle.

[lauriejennifer]

@SpeedsterGuyCoverage Well, you know what they say: "Ride as if you're invisible." Heh.

[kiwibiker100]

so your sating "derftghnjkm,kjredwwerhjnkmyhg­trfertgyhj grt tgry" right

[lauriejennifer]

@kiwibiker100 Bingo.

[rcjg24]

@lauriejennifer I know I'm going to catch some hell for saying this, but girls don't want to date friends, they want to date ppl they dont know. and often they are jerks. Then they wonder why it didnt work out and complain about it to you, the "friend" it's like once your friends that's it.

[rcjg24]

@lauriejennifer I WISH you could be friends and get to know ppl and then date them and everything, but once your friends it seems like thats where you end up, the FRIEND-ZONE! and thats kinda frustrating. They will say things like "I wouldnt want to ruin our friendship" or whatever, but by then its to late.... heh.

[lauriejennifer]

@rcjg24 It's funny you say that, because I'm totally not like that. A friendship would only be "ruined" if it was a friendship where you weren't both adults about it, or you had a communication break down.

[rcjg24]

@lauriejennifer i know that and u know that, so why doesnt everyone else. its something ive always failed to understand. Im def not saying everyone is like that, just an amount that is higher than it should be.

[lauriejennifer]

@rcjg24 Because then we would have nothing to rant about! LOL

[kiwibiker100]

oops SAYING lol

[MetalHeadKLR650]

You make some excellent points. My wife and I don't have very much in common but we have learned each others faults through compromise and adjustments. We work through things because we make the effort to. Marriage itself is hard work, u have be be willing to show up every day.

[lauriejennifer]

@MetalHeadKLR650 It super hard work. I'm still basking in singlehood. No rush. LOL

[rynoride]

@MetalHeadKLR650 very well put bro. I'm definitely not married and as single as single gets... but I've been through my fair share of relationships to understand your point 100%.

[Fudmottin]

This was your funniest one yet!

Although I don't know about the fasting thing. It seems like it would be unhealthy.

As for alone time, I wouldn't want to give up that. But it can easily be accommodated by a random bike ride. Also, I fart in bed.

[lauriejennifer]

@Fudmottin Heh, glad you enjoyed my little tirade. Fasting can be very unhealthy, if it is not done correctly. It has a lot to do with what your diet is like before fasting/on a regular basis, and with how you break the fast.

The motorcycle is totally a great alone time tool. It's healthy to have time alone and apart. My point still stands, though, that there is a difference between peace and lack of conflict.

[azwakko]

You got some good points of view relationships. My wife and did live with each other before getting married. I did think it made for a good test of compatibility but in hindsight it did nothing for making marriage easier.

[lauriejennifer]

@azwakko I know many couples who do this. I also know some people who think getting married will 'fix' their relationship.  That's just a big *facepalm*

[konstantinos777]

marriage and relationships should not be about something selfish as fasting. what about love, admiration and caring for one another? what ruins relationships mostly, are expectations and hopes.

[lauriejennifer]

@konstantinos777 Hmm... I'm wondering if you watched/listened to this video? I can sum up what I was trying to say: Don't blame relationship problems on the other person. When trials and hardships come up in your life, or in your relationships, realize that the only thing you are responsible for is your reaction to it, and the only person you can change is yourself.

[konstantinos777]

@lauriejennifer of course i did. you're talking about love relationships without even mentioning the word "love" once. or maybe i'm wrong!? i guess love is out of the picture? is it all about compatibility, tolerance, companionship and blame? a love relationship (such as a mother-child one, or friendship) is a whole new being, a new ego. you don't need to blame problems to any person, not even yourself. unless you have based your relationship and marriage on expectations & hopes!

[lauriejennifer]

@konstantinos777 Love is much more than a word, or an emotional attachment. The type of commitment I'm talking about in this vlog is one aspect of love and relationships. An 8 minute ramble certainly isn't meant to be all inclusive.

[Dexi]

I don't mind the serious ones, LJ :)

[lauriejennifer]

@Dexi Glad you liked this one, too. Sometimes the soap box ones turn out quite entertaining. Not sure why I sat on this one for so long.

[Dexi]

@lauriejennifer *cough*thatswhatshesaid*cough*­

[lauriejennifer]

@Dexi Haha! I walked right into that one.

[Dexi]

@lauriejennifer xD Seriously tho, it was nice. Do more.

[Jontium1]

1nd



[lauriejennifer]

@Jontium1 Top of the class, I see.