Ford Unveils New Car For Cash-Strapped Buyers: The 1993 Taurus

[TheYoshad]

:( man...i really liked my 93 Taurus though.  oh well this was still funny :)

[killzone321]

IT CAME WITH A BUMPER!!! FUCK, my didn't come with one. :(

[rickey1376]

i had to settle for a 94 as they were sold out of 93...my loss the 94 did not come with standard cassette that worked. i had to pay extra for each working headlight, and only one of the doors opened...the rear passenger...

[SmallpoxRot]

I feel bad for the people who clicked "dislike". Chances are they can't afford a car. I'm not trying to be funny, that's actually really sad.

[gardnerbm]

If they throw in a bottle of Stop-smoke im sold

[gardnerbm]

I dont think Honda can top that

[franner2002]

@gardnerbm A friend of mine has a 98 honda civic, and you need a screwdriver to open the front hood... Guess that could be a security feature

[gardnerbm]

I doubt the AC works

[SuperWarking]

@gardnerbm AC Is for faggots and people who work at the dollar tree

[behindtheline40]

the ad was the best part

[str8out]

Indeed it fits the american people of these days and their wallets.

[jeebsonrye]

i fucking love cup noodles

[stewie274]

Hahahahahaha that ad had me fucking crying from laughter!

[howiwatchvideos]

Im laying here nude

[ZenSeizure]

doors that lock lol



[h0rnd0917]

I can't drive off the lot without a license but might check out candy bowl

[Threetails]

About accurate.

[tizifan06]

I couldn't stop laughing when she said that she was glad that it had heating and air-conditioning so that her family could live in it year-round... :P

[NickyAmerica]

Everything about this is true.

[anonymousman555]

KEMP '96

[willk27]

well, I'm sold!

[SharpDressedMan1995]

jokes on them, i found a truck on craigslist for $27 in commerce city...

[QuanticChaos1000]

@SharpDressedMan1995 I got you beat, I bought a crew cab 4x4 Ford for $1 last week and drove it home! :D

[TheYouwontgetit]

that poor guy made sense when he said that he needed a car and ford taurus is one... ...that is actually what all people need who don't have their car as a show-off...

[LordPrick]

The Speaker Has The Same Voice As Bill Gates. Strange.... Does THAT Mean Microsoft Is Planning To Re-Release A New OS... The "MicroSoft Windows 95 CLASSIC"... A Totally New "ReMastered" OS Version Of The CLASSIC Windows 95 PC Favorite That Stays True In All Loveable Ways To Those Olden Days With A Cool New RETRO Feel...

[kockgunner]

@LordPrick I actually thought he sounded like Steve Jobs in the beginning haha.

[Skidblanar]

No way! Primus!? I'm definitely buying that

[Crazcompart]

I purchased a 96 Taurus, minus the Primus tape...Is that considered overkill? LOL

[LordPrick]

@Crazcompart Well... THAT's 1996. You SHOULD See If You Can Get Some "Pork Soda" InStead. But They'll Probably Ignore Your Needs As A Consumer.

[edimk25]

wtf is sailing the seas of cheese?

[blindmotorhead]

Got news for the onion. This, is not funny at all. I love older tauruses, and encourage anybody that has one to make vids of it starting up and post them on Youtube. I love these cars, shame on you!

[SexyFish660]

I'm going to hell for laughing at this.

[amer1cancer2753]

I heard the updated base is coming with brakes and the sport model might actually have a top speed of 59. Thumbs Crossed!!!

[ruinsane63]

i drive a 93 ford taurus 70k miles on it its on its first run i got it at 63k and i love it its in good condition and it never lets me down i cant go pass 80 on the freeway tho :( not that i would if i could ;) ...i pimped that baby out lol well kinda im changing the upholstry to black interior its grey now i dont like gray it has a white paint job so black would go nice i hope

[bakayurei]

that guy was a schizophrenic homeless man in the wire

[BrettDixonMusic]

Free "Sailing The Seas of Cheese" by Primus on CASSETTE! I'm sold.

[sugreev2001]

Haha the end was just priceless

[AINGELPROJECT667]

My aunt just sold her Taurus.

In a yard sale.

For $500.

To a family of Mexicans. 

[Numanore]

@AINGELPROJECT667 you sure those were mexicans and not jews? cause she got boned for $150 bones yo.



[jaffacake1578]

why didn't they do it with chevrolete instead? they are much worse than ford! ;)

[pashun88]

HAH! The ad. ROFL

[Snortemup]

Sailing the seas of cheese?. I thought everyone knew that Primus sucks.

[WB6NVH]

I'm laughing all the way to the bank. I have a 1993 Taurus and I get 33-34 mpg on the highway with it. That might be because it's lighter, now that most of the paint has fallen off, but it's really a good car. Buy repair parts on eBay and have a reilable car for less than $ 1000. Let the posers waste their money on car payments and trying to impress their loser friends.

[dumbassmoron]

@WB6NVH i dont have a car at all so im even cooler than you.

[Numanore]

@WB6NVH you call other people losers and yet you drive a ford........ there is a reason why the american auto industry is hurting umm geeeee let me think oh yeah ...it sucks dick. I will stick with my VW and laugh all the way to the bank for the next 40 years hope your ford makes it that far.

[WB6NVH]

@Numanore What? I was just saying that only a loser needs to impress their friends with a brand new car and huge payments.  Nothing at all about the American or foreign auto industry. What makes you think I don't have a VW as well? If you are keeping your car for 40 years you are thinking the same way I am. No need to get excited!

[Numanore]

@WB6NVH lol I wasn't attacking ya. If you look at the current auto trends all the newer cars people are buying are foreign built that is where the connection came from. So even though they are spending a heap of money people are getting a good product. Sorry for the confusion.

[7th75thCallaghan]

subs have an error, should be 'brake' lights, not 'break'.

[acronus]

I was a bit disappointed when my new 93 Taurus came with a copy of "Pork Soda" instead, but the dealership more than made up for it by letting me have all the empty bottles and cans in the sales departments recycling bin.

[juanpablofx]

free candy! I'm so there!

[benzbubblecat]

hot fuck, I love the onion.

[atmatheprophet]

Looks like a news report for Tata Motors

[7255202]

99 Taurus SE Bitches!

[brendameistar]

free candy....

[lambofan69x]

"buyers can also customize their taurus to fit their lifestyle with optional upgrades like working brake lights, a rearview mirror, seatbelts and doors that lock." lol

[rorcon]

The ad did it for me.

[serville64]

172 people own 1993 Taurus'

[youtert]

The tape is a copy.

[alexhong100]

LOL at the new add

[Vaizorg]

Does it have cup holders?

[NHavocJ]

@Vaizorg HEY! Look at mister money bags over here!

[fuckcapitalism666]

@NHavocJ hahaha you kill me man!

[viper100200]

I thought tauruses had 3.0 V6

[07wade3]

Is it sad that I have a '94 Ford Taurus?

[AngryPigFetus]

@07wade3 I have one too, but I bought mine for a 100 bucks not six hundred and fifty bucks.

[coldfarted]

@AngryPigFetus you probably didn't get the "new tire" option.

[uchiaslaya7]

What's really sad is y'all think this is a genuine Ford commercial...

[mrbriscoe2001]

How about the AMC Eagle?or the Yugo?

[CnChenn]

 Its called a junkyard....

[herve1348]

i could use a 1993 taurus right about now

[scopes777]

Sailing the Seas with Cheese is a platinum hit....buy this car just for the cassette and the cassette player inside.

[didsomebodysayme]

whats sad is this is the best ford commercial i've ever seen

[SpraxIAKS]

Funny thing is with all the expensive cars out there it really isn't a bad idea. Get an old Taurus, do some work on it then bam you're set. Fuck if a person can make a 500+ HP monster of out a '62 Buick (BuWicked as they call it) pretty sure can do well with a Taurus.

[TheLeviathanZero]

@SpraxIAKS A 500+ HP '93 Ford Taurus would be badass.

[Wasabirock55]

Everybody know this news network is for entertainment right? Because it's not real

[Tony007corp]

This is sort of sad..

[airfoemoe]

Free Candy? count me in.

[Grizzlo503]

171 people own a '93 Taurus

[Obsoliit]

who cares what the specifics are "it didn't come with a 3.1" or "they all had automatics" it's just funny because it's the kind of thing you would do if you don't have money but need a car... just buy an older cheaper one. if we could all afford a new car then there would be no used cars on the streets

[420Killuminati420]

skip ads - 0:01

[dinnerandashow]

171 Ford owners don't think this is funny.

[gangbang5able]

first of all the 93 ford taurus came only with a 3.0 v6 and a 3.8 v6 the 3.1 v6 only came in general motors cars

[Slax67]

Does it include volume control on the radio? Might pick one up..

[gleefanatic2011]

casette tape lmao

[sialuab]

every poor person loves 'sailing the seas of cheese'

[antjeisback]

By the time you've finished watching this video it is likely that the press gathered for that announcement is unlikely to be impressed. Still, great comedy.

[trisnjok]

i'd love to see an ad like that... too much hype in the marketing biz today...

[cyprenator]

i just sent my 93 taurus to scrap. actually i drove it to the scrap yard 35 miles away. they actually are really nice cars. mine had the optional locks and brake lights that work....

[Unknownboi88]

the 93 Taurus is a car? I though it was a joke on wheels...

[lifeispeachey1026]

hahaha i just baught a 93 ford taurus i feel awesome now lol

[pvalaquez]

:D Love this

[NebulaSteam]

LOL! I've got a '92 Ford Taurus. 2.5 out of the 4 windows roll down, the heater works, but the A/C... well, not so much. But who who needs Air Conditioning anyways? Back in the old days, you didn't condition the air, the air conditioned you. So, I guess I'm old school. That, and I don't care what car I drive as long as it works.

[ruinsane63]

@NebulaSteam lol all my windows roll down on my 93 however when i start the ac my car trembles a bit at first but then it stops and all i feel is fresh a/c lol

[DJSoyBoy]

he had me sold at the primus tape :D

[darkblade190]

A '93 taurus... man they're richer than I. '90 here =/

[TheClash122]

HAHAHAHA This was great but the "Still Ahead" at the end is the best!!

[geekconnection]

its not a honda accord lol

[METALMAN4Wii]

Take That Toyota.......!

[geekconnection]

my dad own a 1994 ford esscort. i love my dads car. automatic seatbelt straps when car turns on. also we are planning to paint it blue. we also own a hyundai accent which is more of a womans type of car with a cd player and a white paint body.

[METALMAN4Wii]

@geekconnection Wow a 94 according to the Onion your family's Rich........!

[bureX]

SOLD!

[victorbarovsky]

Gold. Pure gold.

[YeJiub]

i own a Ford Taurus SHO 93' v6 3.0L 4speed Automatic FWD

Runs great, a nice quiet engine with good acceleration and excellent handling.



[Cyborg1170]

WAIT IS THIS FOR REAL. :>

[MustangsCanTurnToo]

@Cyborg1170 ::Face palm::

[peter1234930]

@MustangsCanTurnToo sir that was a troll

[Cyborg1170]

I have over 100 cars, hot wheel cars. they are cars though. lol

[brackenjo]

$600? finally, a car i can afford!

[METALMAN4Wii]

@brackenjo Sorry it's $650.....!

[Gondring]

The Onion does such a good job in production, to make these look and sound like real clips of whatever venue they are supposed to be from.

[TheMrNamefag]

Sailing the Seas of Cheese? Count me the fuck in.

[8Manifest8]

@TheMrNamefag hahaha

[5959512]

I dont think the taurus ever had a 5 speed

[ogjoec]

@5959512 very few did but the thing I dont remember is the 3.1 liter engine I thought they were 3.0

[Gondring]

@5959512 -- Yes, you could get a 5-speed with overdrive in the 1993 Taurus. A 3.1-liter, though? Not that I have heard of!

[Konformation07]

@Gondring no you couldn't the basic Taurus all came in automatic you could however get the Ford Taurus SHO with a 5 speed manual.

[Konformation07]

@5959512 It didn't thought the Ford Taurus SHO did.

[akropiss]

I always asked myself who the fuck thought in 1993 "hey this new car is the bee's knees"

[ryanandpatric]

so do you think that this would be a good fake suicide car?

[euricdinkins]

Hmmm will every model have a huge dent in the front and an hole in the rear????

[YF681]

FUCK FORD AND FUCK THE TAURUS, I HATE THAT CAR!

[rickscoat]

@YF681 Please don't hold back, we need to know how you really feel.

[YF681]

@rickscoat FUCK THE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT TWAT FUCKER FUCKING SHIT!

[Andernerd]

The should have done this with the pinto instead, including comments about how the heating system can only be activated by other cars...

[rhrtrr]

not worst car my dad put 200,000+ miles on it 95

[Mister707Gamer]

"I love that it has heat and air conditioning, so my family can live in it year round" ROFL

[PrinceBerzelius]

rofl! xD

[87Raining]

@PrinceBerzelius  me2

[TimeQueenofRome]

I don't want all the bells and whistles. I want a car that can take me from my mother-in-law's house to the unemployment office and back!!

[HeavyGhost]

The 1993 Clitoris-asaurus.

[fthis12345]

haha.

[GSG9Tactician]

epic win!!!!

[colourmegone]

When are they going to re-release the Edsel?

[Lorric101]

Ha ha. They should have had a hammock in the back instead :)

[eatthebook]

"heat and air conditioning so my family can live in it year round"...wow

[spraynpray]

It's funny because a new honda is the same, only the engine is smaller.

[dointime85]

kemp '90!

[orion855]

First of all, it was a 3.0 liter and there were no manual shift models.

[yookayman]

I cannot stop watching that TV advertisement. I must have watched it three times now.

[lemmegitsomuhthat]

I bought one, but spring in seat poke me in balls. I try take back, but they want more 50 dolar to make nice for my balls. I no have more 50 dolar, so I cut off balls to put on rear mirror, but there no rear mirror... Finally, I so mad, I make sale man eat my balls. America jail more nice than live in car, but now many black man poke me in bottom...

[manrightchea]

I sprang for the $1000 model that replaces the taped trash bags with glass windows.

[NE0NBL00D]

you can't make cup o' noodles in your car. everyone knows you eat crackers and vienna sausages with your cans of tuna when living in your car.

[lawnside82]

damn i can fit alot of cup a noodles in there.

[baconhaven]

I have a 92 tarus

[Trance88]

Cool! This one comes pre tenderized. I'd buy one for $650 in a heartbeat!

I forgot to look for an ad for this durring the super bowl. Damn.

[imanerd36]

I would by one in a heartbeat for $650.

[gredangeo]

Comes with a Primus tape? I'll take one! :)

[brennan61]

Primus Sucks!

[fbscj7]

Depending on where her family is gonna live in their '93 Taurus, she might want to spring for the doors that lock!!

[walmartio]

@fbscj7

suck it, libtard

[MrDetwaa]

this can't be real. fake.

LOL ^^^ people crack me up when they say these things

[mattreloaded24]

I was sold the SECOND I saw the Cole-Kemp '96 bumper sticker

[Ruztea]

I have and love my Taurus. No joke.

[joker0187]

dude, why drive a taurus. geo metros are better : )

[brianwesley28]

No that I got my funnies out of the way, I want to say that I do like the way that The Onion presents a serious topic in a satrical manner. There is a cultural undertone. Earlier today, I saw Jenna Lee, on Fox News, use a good analogy that this nation lost enough jobs last week to fill six of the stadiums where the Super Bowl is being played. Ford may have ripped my friend's keyless entry invention off, without him seeing a dime, but Henry Ford did invent a hemp bodied car...

[brianwesley28]

@brianwesley28

This nation needs to override the retarded law prohibiting the cultivation of industrial hemp and start some new industries. They won't because of he same greed that made them criminalize it in the first place, as well as the same greed that has placed us in this situation. We have land. Hemp has over 40,000 uses. We can make hemp cars, or we can drive the 1993 Ford Taurus in increasing numbers. I don't like to get serious in these Onion videos, but it is important.

[brianwesley28]

"Basically I just need a car...and the '93 Taurus is one." LOL.

[033312]

is this real?

a old car for sale

[tommysch]

LOL @ you

[sano0311]

hhahahahha comes with seatbelts and turnlights

[LifeIsGood63]

And a working battery!

[alexalex3131]

Probably burns oil a little ,so check every second fill-up. Full size makes up a little for lack of air bags, shoulder harnesses..Of course no expensive security sysem needed, but might spring 20 bucks for "The Club" just in case.

[coronet67]

You know this is fake because theres none of these still on the road

[fatguy605]

like hell there isn't. i have one out in my driveway right now.. same color and all.

[coronet67]

Sure, but does it run?

[fatguy605]

she runs like a dream. 130k miles, and the only issue is the rear suspension is worn out.

[tommysch]

Sounds more like a nightmare to me but if you like it...

[brianwesley28]

@coronet67

That's called a company with vision. Why do you think that they're not on the road, anymore? When someone would trade one in, they had to haved stored the 1993 models in a special location, as opposed to reselling them, or scrapping them out, in anticipation of the 2010 modern age. That's thinking ahead. have youdriven a Ford lately? You will.

[darkelady58]

The friend who sent me the link to this video used to have a Taurus. Not sure what year. The front was dented in from hitting a deer. Last I knew the car was dead and for sale on the front lawn for a couple hundred.

[ledicarus]

1993 Ford Escort Wagon kicks Taurus' butt :)

[ActiveWorldsLunitic]

Our Taurus was missing the optional Rear View Mirror, though!

I actually liked it, it was a good car

[ActiveWorldsLunitic]

Ok, weird - My grandma's name is Joanne Smith, and she had a '94 Taurus that we got for $800 back in '04!

[KhmerD0g]

hahahaaaa.

another word, we don't need any new cars. just buy used cars to get from point A to point B.

[fatguy605]

i just bought one just like this yesterday... except i talked him down from $600 to $400....... and i'm being serious.. times are tough.

[ccricers]

I remember riding in a beat-down 80's Mustang when my friend was racing against a fellow high schooler in his Ford Probe. Good times. Note: this actually did happen

[SugarTomAppleRoger]

I purchased my copy of "Sailing The Seas Of Cheese". I think it is crap and want my money back.

[DimebagsLeftToe]

@SugarTomAppleRoger you need to acquire some taste

[ztscar13]

my mom has one of those lol

[kieran514]

Embarrassed Rep. Peter Hoekstra (R-MI) Calls Speaker Pelosi 'Mom'

HAHA