Dan Savage on Full Disclosure in Relationships

[SexyRaww]

I'm sorry but I would never be with a man or woman who is holding onto past mementos of lovers or even having them as friends. There is a few rare people out there such as I who are looking for a serious, lifetime relationship and if the person they are with doesn't offer them that, they are going to move away and find someone that they can fall in love with. I'd rather be alone otherwise than waste my time.

[SexyRaww]

@SexyRaww And you feel call that psychotic behavior Mr. Savage, then that is only a product saying of your own ignorance and close mindedness. Because, you don't know me or the other people like me and you don't know anything beyond the lifestyle you lead. But, there is nothing I can do about it, nor will I try to. So do as you will and I will do as I will.

[Lemonz1989]

@SexyRaww It isn't rare to find people looking for a serious lifetime relationship - ALL my friends want it. Just because people actually like the people they were in a relationship with in the past, doesn't mean they aren't serious about wanting a lifetime relationship. I, for example, still have the letters my first BF gave me, and I wouldn't dream of throwing them away, because I still love him - just not in a romantic way. We mutually agreed on breaking up, because it wasn't working out.

[Snoep76239]

@SexyRaww Not always true. One's past makes who they are today. My GF asked about all my exes. My past relationships never had horrible endings and some exes are still good friends, and some my current GF is friends with, they make fun of my quirks together and it's great fun. If you really loved someone once there's no reason to be enemies or never speak again as friends, as long as it's REALLY over.

[SexyRaww]

@Snoep76239 Yeah, I've heard that before. Most people are in those kinds of relationships. I guess I am just different.

[Snoep76239]

@SexyRaww You're not "different". Most people *I* know are in your mentioned never-talk-to-their-ex-again types! Since you and I are both "different" in opposite ways, it probably means the general population is split about 50/50, and there are more complex dynamics at work about the kind of relationships the people we have as friends have and how their relationships work. Like most things, nothing is black-and-white except old photographs...

[kpslover]

I liked a girl who shoved me aside. Does that count as a past? I mean everyone above 18 has a past am I right?

[Aicirt8]

Hm. Full disclosure is kinda complicated. For example, If you've been married before and you're divorced now, I feel that that's something your partner should be told fairly early on. If it is something that doesn't directly affect your partner or your relationship, I don't think it's necessary to tell them, but it shows a sense of trust and closeness if you do.

[AkimotoMichiyo]

Dan, your lectures are amazing and great advice. Keep it up!

[superoriginalname]

I'm moving to pakistan

[Karanime]

I tell him everything. He needs to know, if we're in a long-term relationship. If we're going to be together forever, he needs to know everything about me. Dude.

[KeoneTOka]

lol "You just need to tell those straight guys to get the fuck over it, and remind them everyday that they don't live in Pakistan" XD ahaha that's funny haha

[maale27]

Dan :

Can you not stereo type Pakistan. Please dont heed to what you hear on Fox News and then judge Pakistan or Pakistanis. Pakistan is the 7th largest nation in the world and there is a conservative and liberal war going on where the conservatives use bombs intead of votes to get their point across.

If you are really interested in judging please try to see the center-left voting pattern of Pakistanis.

Thanks,

Hasan

[8GarretttterraG8]

@maale27 As a white American male I didn't find Dan Savage's comments on Pakistan as a stereotype of all people in that country. He was talking about arranged marriages, which occur in Pakistan. So rest assured, I don't think all Pakistanis are the same.

To you: How do you feel about what Dan was really saying... i.e., about arranged marriages? Do you think this is an acceptable practice for some Pakistanis to be engaged in?

[maale27]

@8GarretttterraG8 : I think generalization or stereotyping is not good. Arranged marriages are common there but forced arrange marriages are not common if thats what you are getting at. Arrange marriages are usually a 'introduction of two people' and its left to them to decide if it would work for them. There are forced marriages but we all condemn those and the reason is just cultural not religious. This is like saying that all white Americans are racist. What do think of racism in America ?

[maale27]

Dan :

Can you not stereo type Pakistan. Please dont heed to what you hear on Fox News and then judge Pakistan or Pakistanis. Pakistan is the 7th largest nation in the world and there is a conservative and liberal war going on where the conservatives use bombs intead of votes to get their point across.

If you are really interested in judging please try to see the center-left voting pattern of Pakistanis.

Thanks,

Hasan

[DougSF2001]

Dan: I don't know how I stumbled onto these videos, absolute gems of relationship advice, but I must tell you that I find you both worldly wise and incredibly funny at the same time. And I won't even take a cheap shot and ask my own relationship question (since I lost the one love of my life on 9/11, my partner of 8 years, who was a NY firefighter). Keep up the good work and best to your family! Doug

[a5dr3]

Yeah. Except your wrong about everything.

[markvz]

well said

[Chronosagaaddict]

is there like a dvd of his lectures, that would be soo much simpler to watch and awesome

[MasterFalloutVidmakr]

i hope so and if so let me KNOW! :>)

[sudsy123]

agreed!

[stephenpaultaylor]

@Chronosagaaddict i agree... i LOVE this guy. so wise

[bunnyJumpsuit]

I don't have a problem with my partner hanging onto mementos, but flaunting them, pining for the ex, refusing to acknowledge I might have feelings of my own, and yeah, sometimes, it's jealousy, but I"m not asking you to burn the letters and pictures or purge the hard drive, I"m asking you to not read me the fucking letters or talk about the ex all the goddamn time to me. Make some damn friends, that's what they're FOR, to talk about things I don't wanna hear.

[volcom1206]

Someone is bitter...

[ncfwhitetigress]

You make a good point.

[anney0207]

@bunnyJumpsuit wow ........... harsh :/

[wmotamedi]

@bunnyJumpsuit Wow. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Are you exaggerating a little bit, or was your partner really that hung up on his/her exes? Some people just can't move on, I guess.

[milascave2]

@bunnyJumpsuit Agreed.  I think Dan would say DTMFA. (dump the etc.)

[MarkusHomer]

@bunnyJumpsuit: So what you are saying is, that you are not a friend with your girlfriend? I really try to also be a friend for my gf. That comes (or should come) hand in hand.

If you think, you gf is thinking too much about her ex, than thats a complete different story, as if she is hanging onto mementos and you cant handle that.