Well here Ateya i tend to agree with you. She should let her mother see the Father with a smile on her face. Now with her, im sure its not a simple thing of letting it go. And kicking his butt is not going to change what happen when she was younger. tho is might not be easy, she has to find the strenth deep inside herself to forgive. Then she will be set free to live life without that hovering over her head. Her mother cant set her free from this. Only she can.
I agree with lateishabrwn; this should have been brought up with her mom a long time ago and dealt with before. Her mother is already in one of the worst imaginable situations, and adding more bad news won't help anything at this point.
Also, some of these comments are coming from la la land. What if she told her and the mother says that she doesn't believe it.That would crush the daughter.
I'm late responding to this but, it makes no sense to tell her now. Honestly, she must think about it... her mother picked that fool. what does that say about your mother? I'm pretty sure this man has done other things that were wrong that her mother let pass. I hope she let her mother die in peace.
Hey Ateya! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! don't do it!!! that would just crush her moms heart because she can't do to much about it at this point...and I know a part of her knows this! however, she feels as if shes keeping something from her mom that she feels she should have told her long ago. I can understand her situation...but just know that shes not alone anymore because by her finally opening up about it, she can move on. GOD is GOOD!!!
this lady is 36 years old. my question is why she didnt tell her mom when she was 20,25 or even 30 years old. or even before her mother was on her death bed. i belive that this situation is haunting this young lady because she is involed in something against her mom other than what was disclosed.
I would just leave it alone&be by my mother's side!& yes she has to deal with this and try to 4give him and keep praying to GOD about it....her stepdad will pay 4 that
Negativity is the worse thing to bring about. Being a mother, i'd want to know, but in this situation, not the best idea. If it was me, death bed or not, it would be on my mind forever & id blame myself.she needs peace.Knowing your children will be safe when you are called Home, is every Mothers Last & Dying Wish... Tell her to forgive him. Dont hold a grudge or look for revenge. It'll control you.We'll pray for her. Let HIM handle it... GOD BLESS, and Love... -Starr*
HAVE HER TELL HER MOM!!!!!! PLEASE ATEYA!!! EW THAT GUY IS SO SICK!!!! nasty man. a
teya, please tell her, that she needs to get a man (her husband if she is married) or and uncle or some1 like that, and have them come with her as she tells her mom (if it gets out of hand so that the other guy can beat the crap out of her dad. lol or somthin like that 2 protect the woman) and tell her mom. BECAUSE IF THAT IS HAPPENING SOMETHING NEEDS TO B DONE!!!!!! even if its in the past
She shouldnt tell the mom because that isnt going to help the moms case, it will only make her upset and trouble her and stress is not sumthing she needs at this moment. Also ova a decade has passed so she shouldnt tell her, it is irrelevent and God will punish him if he hasnt already.
Its pointless to tell her now. Her mom's thoughts should be of peace. It is unfortunate, and my prayers go out to her, however, She should seek God and let him be her strength. Her mom may not can handle it right now.
No, if her mother is dying, then don't put that crap on her. Yeah, it is bad but your mother is dying! Why put that stress on her. Look on yourself, you made it out. You didn't kill yourself. You didn't become violent, etc. Be proud of what you have now!!
Her mom can give her a word of wisdom which will guide her. Obviously the daughter needs advice and hearing it from her mom will push her to do what she has to do
She should tell her mother I think her mother would WANT to know. True she has left it very late to tell her and this would not have been the best time to reveal such a thing but then...when is? If she doesnt tell now she will be carrying a double burden around. What if.....
unless you have been molested, you will never know what it feels like to harbor an act like that. To truly get over it, you have to talk about it and your mom should be number one. I have yet to have this discussion with my mother, i am very close to it because of some things i have been thinking about lately. I think she should talk to her mother. It is nothing better than knowing your mother loves you when you feel that much pain
I would not tell the mother due to her terminal illness. I would suggest seeing a therapist to work out her feeling and a way to confront the stepdad, and alert other family members of this sick individual. You have other relatives, you can protect from this predator! Be strong,and I wish you the best!
I agree with you Ateyaaa. My rationalization is that the mother is dying.. what good does it do to her to tell her? I would confront the stepdad and other relatives after the mother passes. It's a horrible thing to be abused (been there!) but there is no good that revealing this to the mother on her death bed will do. The mother can not do anything and it would cause nothing but distress in her last days. Just my opinion.
May she should write a letter to her mother (but don't give it to her). It sounds like she needs to get this off her chest. The letter is for her own peace of mind not to worry her mother on her death bed. She should pray for God to comfort her heart and her mother's as well. I wish she would have had the courage to tell mama back in the day before now. Sounds like this woman just needs some peace in her own life and maybe she thinks her mother can ease her own pain by knowing before she dies.
I really think this is an inappropriate time to tell her mom about the unfortunate ,evil, sick acts that were done to her. I would definitely pursue the subject once my mother had passed. Until then, the young lady should try seeking help, to deal with this emotions that have plagued her for so long. As far as the step dad is concerned, let the chips fall where they may. Pursue it to the fullest capacity. God Bless.
I truly DON'T AGREE with u all stating that she should just not tell her mother b/c she is dying. What if her mother was dying when this was happening when she was 12/13. Would she have to knuckle down and bear it then? I think the secret is going to be hard to bear at ANY stage of life. By advising her to bear it b/c its "too late" ur not ONLY empowering the perpetrator, but sending a message to ALL victims young and old that their secrets should only be divulged under stress-free conditions.
@sweetaz678 I think there is no right or wrong answer to this. This is her perception of what she should be doing. I understand both situations. But I do lean on not telling.
Let your Mom rest in peace. She needs to be able to get her affairs right in her mind and she really doesnt need this. Let her have her last few moments with you be memorable. He has already taken too much from you dont allow him to take away your last memories with your mother.
That's a tricky subject! Mom is dying, i don't think I would tell mom....but maybe I would. If I was in that situation I wouldn't. I would seek therapy to help me get thru and of course pray to the Almighty!! Let mom go in peace and you seek peace through GOD and Therapy!
Now is not the time. Allow your mother her last days in peace, how many days God allows. HOWEVER... after your mother passes...ALL BETS ARE OFF. TELL EVERYONE BODY YOU KNOW. HIS CHURCH, HIS CO-WORKERS, YOUR UNCLES...TELL EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!! And let the chips fall where they may.
I would have told her. But, after she is gone the guilt that is bothering her now is just going to get far worse. I know a lot of women/men who have gone through this.
I know that sounded kind of messed up ( previous comment) but that's kinda my situation now and I love my mother......and if u tell her u may not have enough time to get it right in your hearts.. Not trying to be insensitive at all. Love your mother as much as you can while you have her. My prayers are with you.
Actually I have been in a situation similar to this but it was my step dad's brother who tried to molest me when I was 5 and my stepfather beat me when he sent my mother to the store. With that said.... in my opinion, I would not tell my mother especially if she's dying of cancer..let her be and deal with his ass later! but u want her to have peace and this will give you peace as well. If her response is not what u want u could resent ur mother while not really wanting to have that in ur heart.
I agree with you Ateya. I wouldn't want my mother to have to hold on to anger or resentment I'd want her to leave this earth with nothing that major weighing heavy on her heart. I'd want her to have forgiven everyone for what they have ever done or else how will the Lord be able to forgive her. As long as the daughter knows herself and is no longer a victim in her mind she will be fine. If she never felt the need to tell her mom before maybe she's dealt with it and moved on, why rekindle?
I don't think that she should tell her mom yet, since she is already stressed out because of the cancer. but if she beats the cancer, I think that she should wait to tell her when the time is right.
Whether she has gotten over it or not, this is not the time to tell anyone something like this. At a time when someone is dying you tell them anything you think they want to hear to make their passing BETTER. Lie if you have to, but you should always make someones passing as easy as possible.
I agree I don't think I'd tell her either I mean she's dying. I'd feel bad that I was too afraid to tell her when she was live and well but now that she's weak I wouldn't be able to put anything heavier on her. That would just have to be something that I never got to tell her to her face. But I do feel that is something her mother should know so talking to her after she passes over would be good for her concious(did i spell that right?).
I don't think she should tell her mom that on her dying bed, because I would want her to be in peace when she passes. However I would pray about the situation and ask God what would be right to do right, He will deffinitely lead you the right way. As for your step-dad my first thoughts would be to hurt him in some way because that is the natural human thing to do, but really thinking about it that is another situation I would have to take to God, and let Him lead you through that situation.
My opinion would be not to tell her. I just don't think that's something that will make this process any easier. I think its solely based on the person who has been abused and how they think their mother will take it... of course not that good but some pople are stronger than others, others have a hard time dealing with that kind of situation. The bible says there is no crying and or sad thoughts in heaven so it goes both ways.
Its a hard situation, I have mixed feelings on this...But I dont think she should tell her...however she needs to get it off her mind, so perhaps like you said, talk to her mother through God, because speaking to her mom now who cannot respond would not put her mind at ease..
ur mothers approval..pain dsnt have a time limit or preference or age pref. or limit preferance or capacity...the same way some of u say she didnt get raped so it shldnt be such a big deal 2 her then y shld it be such a big deal 2 her mom..c'mon ppl..b real.. her mom can deal with it as well.. i dnt wanna seem harsh..but this can release a grudge this gurl might of had or a burden shes held.. a life can end but another one can begin a new one which is what life it about.. jus my opinion..
okay i must comment again and say its appauling 2hear someone say bc shes older to "forget" it or "get over it" or even seek help..listen speaking to a stranger w a phd or a groupd of stranger wnt heal her.. her moms acceptance will.. we all seek.(cont)
In my opinion I would say that she has already gotten over it. She has lived with this man for 20 something years and has never uttered a word about it to a single soul. Either she's already over it or she's bottling it in which is not good. She doesn't have to get a therapist but talking to someone would help. I don't feel she should tell her mom because these are her last days, she had all her life to tell her that why not let her be happy before she leaves instead of hurting emotionally also.
I think that she should NOT tell her Mom this information because of her Mom's condition. I would confide in a therapist that they can assist her in releasing the pain of betrayal by the stepdad. Hopefully, she can forgive the step dad and move on with her life.
not that anyone is right or wrong here but in my opinion i would tell my mom. if I had a daughter and she was inapropiately touched i would denfinetly want to know, even if i was dying. just my opinion.
I was thinking the same thing. just wait til she has passed on and to just then confess it to her through the most high. she does need to be just as comfortable as she can while she is not well and in this state. then after all this is done, we callin them uncles!
Allthough the step dad is a freaking jerk, why wait 23 years later to tell your mom; not to mention, you wait to tell your mom when she is near death. I think she should seek counseling and/or confront the step dad. Don't place the extra burden on your mom in her most fragile status.
I really don't see the point of telling her mother now. Her mom is dying. All she is going to do is send her to her grave faster. Spend precious time with your mother you have had plenty of opportunity to tell her when she was well but you chose not to..so why now? It will do no good. I would be plotting some revenge on that step father though... :(
I wouldn't tell my dying mother something so hurtful on her dying bed. What good could possiblly come out of it. Mom is already dealing with her mortally which can't be easy. This molester has hurt you so please don't let his painful and disgraceful hurt continue on to your dying mother. All these years why now when her mother's plate is full. I believe it will only cause her mother more suffering. I just wouldn't and couldn't do it. May this young woman find solace in her life.
pinkchemicalsnow I agree with you maybe she feels that her mom new and she is angry with her mom because why on earth out of all the times in the world u could have said sumthin y now its like letting all secrets come out now it makes absolutely no sense because it will not change anything I cant see my mom on her death bed and think to tell her that and think I could sleep at night after that my mom needs to be at peace when it is her time she need to get counseling that can mayb help her
beautyzone1 let be honest her mom can't do nothing about it now and she a grown women herself so she had it on her mind all this time wats couple more years gonna do and its will not heal her from the pain that this man has caused. I agree with ateya dont tell the mom because stress can cause her to die quicker and she needs to go peacefully she should have told her from before and like most kids she did not do that so I feel she should seek couseling and tell her mom after she has passed
First off please assure your mom that she was an amazing mother and that is not her fault, but you have to tell her. You cannot carry this around for the rest of your life. Make peace with your mom and let her know everything, don't hold back. As she will be gone soon, you need to be the strong woman she raised, put this pediphile in his place (dern bastard)!!!! Knee him in the nuts on your way out to please....THANK YOU!!!
i will have to say no don't tell the mom b/c i understand it's gotta be hard for her to go through this when she was young but now after so many years i'm afraid this may cause trauma to her mom that's already severely sick. AND ONCE AGAIN GREAT ADVICE ATEYA: )
I agree with you Ateya. I She should let her mom go and after her mom is gone take action against this child abuser. He's sick in the head. That's some kind of weird mental illness and he could do it to other people. She should expose this man to other people so that can move on with her healing, but telling her mom isn't going to help very much. It's probably gonna make her mom feel like she failed in some way and she doesn't want to do that to her mom.
Your mother is going to God and she doesn't need to be burdened with this information now...I know there are some really sick people in this world, but the merciful thing is that he never raped her. She should get some counselling and the person she should really speak to is the Stepfather and how he made her feel. Her mum just needs rest and prayer right now...let it go.
She have been silent for 24/25 odd years. Why now???
I feel she should tell someone and her step- father should be held accountable for victimizing her.
But I don't think NOW is the time to tell her mom. I think this will KILL her mom. To know she have lived with and love the man who sexually molested her daughter. She will not go in peace.
Get COUNSELING and know that it is NOT. I repeat NOT her fault. She needs to TELL her other family if she have any. And get help.
Your telling a woman who was victimized to remain silent. Remaing silent is to live in shame. Her mom is her pilar of strength. Telling her mom will allow her to let go of the shame that kept her silent for so long. Her mom will leave her with all the strength and freedom that her stepdad took. There's nothing stronger than a moms love. Instead of empowering this woman, your advise is "talk to your mom in the after life". How dare you. The truth shall set you free. Does that ring a bell Ateya.
Okay I just reloaded the video. TELL TELL TELL TELL TELL. In fact RUN, don't walk. Tell her now. Don't carry that weight around with you. 12 and 13. I wouldn't be surprised it she was raped by this man as well. PLEASE TELL. You should NOT have to bare this burden alone, as you've done for the past 20 years.
Okay am I missing something? Is the mother STILL with the "step dad"???? The mother DEFINITELY should know then. It's not the child's responsibility to protect the ADULT. So the mother dies and then the child has to live with that horror and the dayum step dad as well. Then he REALLY get's to "have" her because the mother isn't around to block it.
I think the mother sensed something and that's why the person is asking the question now. She already knows the answer.
Please TELL HER, if she has to know the secret for her limited time left then thats what it has to be, you've already done her a "favor" by not telling her for 24 years! Dont use the rationale that it will hurt her its time for YOU to truly LIVE-no secrets. Your mother would give her life for you, so you divulging the secret so you can live the rest of yours fufilled is what she would rather want. Besides, you should tell your mother so she doesnt leave this worthless man anything!
I believe that she should tell her mother. I know the mother is dying, but honestly this woman has been dead inside for all these years obviously because this topic and feeling is extremely relevant to her. Her mother should know that and she should know that her mother knew before she left so SHE can feel at peace. Although her mother is dying now, this woman has a bunch of life left. she's been skiming on the surface of it, walking on eggshells, not to divulge any earth-shattering secrets.
Let it go. If you didnt tell her when she was well.When she could have beat his ass or something. So why do it now while she is sick? Don't add to her illness. That was nothing to hide.She have been told when he first did it.
If I was her I would tell the mother. I know she is dying, but I feel like her mother needs to know the truth. Talking to a conselor doesn't help at all, and if she's been living with her mom and dad all this time keeping that secret, I feel the only way to finally feel relieved is to tell the person who married him. Which is her mother.
This is why kids need to be talked to and informed at how important it is to talk and communicate to your parents or guardian or someone that you feel comfortable or just safe enough to tell.
Don't tell her now. She prob would not forgive herself and that's not what she needs on her heart before she goes. Get therapy and a can of whoop azz you'll be ok in time!
I totally agree with you Ateya. Let her mother's last days be as peaceful as possible. I also agree with you on the beat down for the ole' step dad later.
I don't think it is appropriate to tell her mother. Her mother is dying and she is trying to make the situation about her. I understand her pain, but if she felt the need to keep it from her mother for 23 years I see no reason to tell her now. She should work through her pain with a therapist. No offense, but to tell her would be completely selfish and unsupportive.
I agree with you and with cilcy. Please do not tell your mom. She is already dealing with alot and guaranteed she will feel like she was unable to protect her child. Go see a counselor and start going to sessions to work it out. If you are still dealing with this then chances are you have not been able to deal with what happened. So please set up an appt. If you choose to do so also confront your step father. After talking to a counselor you may feel better to confront him.
Hi Ateya. This woman should talk to a counselor and confront the stepfather, not her mother
Why should she add to her mother's illness?
Her mother would feel terrible not having been able to protect her
There are so many things that I wish I could take back, things that didn't need to be said and so many beautiful things I wish I had said before my mother passed
Her mother's time is precious - it should be about freedom and forgiveness, not about unloading past hurts
I do agree with you. I dont think she should tell her mum, she shuld jus keep it to herself n if she really needs to tell some1, then she should talk to sum1 else in the family who would be there for her.
i do agree with you her mom should have that piece in her heart to go home with i wouldn't tell simply because i would not her to think she didnt do a good good taking care and protecting me let her go home happy
Ateya, that's crazy. I don't think telling her mom would be the best thing to do in this situation. Maybe if her mother was well and able to receieve this kind of information but no I wouldn't.
I don't think she should tell her. What can she do now. The mother is to weak to take action now. This woman should have told someone back in her 20's or something. She was old enough then. Why wait until now. What she needs to do is go confront him with some family members like you said. Her mother can't help her now, this is a sad case.
Her mom can't even talk, so I dont think she needs to tells her mom. If she could of shared it with her mom at an earlier time that would be OK, but now her mom is too sick.
It just doesn't even seem appropriate to only want to tell her mom now that she is dying.
Not that i don't feel for her situation, but to wait 24 years and THEN say "oh mom, since you're dying now, you should know this..." it almost comes off as vindictive. Even if she had every intention of doing the right thing, to wait until she's dying just really makes it a moot point.
She needs NOT to burden her mom with this. This is an issue she needs to take up with God at this point.
i agree with you...i was going to say the exact same thing
why wait till she's about to die to say this, it just doesnt seem right... besides you should be thinkin about tellin your mom you love her and have some encouraging words so she can die with a smile on her face.
also what would tellin her mom this do? seriously it might speed up her death (god forbid)...honestly its not like her mom can get up and do somethin about it
How old is the young lady now..I agree that telling her mom might not do any good but it might affect her in the long run....if you ever look at psychology and how talking and keeping it to yourself can automatically cause problems in her future relationships..how she raises her kids so many cause and effect with that said if her internal conflict was resolved the thought of telling her mom really wont even come to mind so she needs to talk someone not saying her mom but someone at least soon
Her mom does not need to deal with that right now. She is dying and may already having to deal with regrets, this would just devastate her mom's world, because she can't really do anything about it but feel more depressed. And at a time when she is dealing with cancer she shouldn't have to deal with that too.
That is why young women need to speak out early when things like that happen to them, because now the stepfather is the winner in the situation, and the victim is now a victim again.
I agree with you ateyaa completely. I wouldn't tell her now because honestly that might be what kills her. Moms take that so hard. They feel like they have failed their child and they blame themselves and thats the last thing you want to do
I agree with you Ateyaaa. She's dying and what can she do by knowing at this point now. Let her last moments be peaceful. Then like you said in your video....beat down.
i think she SHOULDNT tell her mom ... like many have said before its to much right now. I think her mothers last days should just be calm and at ease. I def. wouldnt want something like that on my brain before im laid to rest
I personally would tell, but only because I have the kind of mother who would want to know regardless of the situation. This is something that my mother and I have discussed time and time again and it was agreed upon that regardless she would want to know. If my mom and I had not discussed this time and time again before then I probably would not tell her.
she does not need to know this now....it is too late to burden her down with that now!!!!! she should have told her before she was dying because now it will be all that she thinks about instead of passing peacefully
i'd personal tell her cuz i wouldn't want her to be married to the wrong person like i wouldn't even want to see him again espiaclly if she doesn't make it i would not want to see him at her funral but he'd be there cuz their married. Because i would think my mom would desirve to know. Even though i'd want her to feel comfterable i would not want her to go through life being completely oblivious to this. Because if she knows now i'd say it's better than never knowing.
Let this women know there are support groups out there and there is NO limit to have that man arrested for sexual criminal act. The problem with this story is how come the women need to make peace with it NOW and not before this an/or told her mother prior. NOrmally i would say tell the mother, but like you said the mother is on her death bed, so i will reserve judgement and just say that this women needs to make peace with it or bring the man to justice.- for her sake, she's in my prayers
NOO..she should NOT tell her mother now. The timing is all wrong. She held it in for all these years, and I imagine that it was hard. But I think she should let her mother go in peace, and she should seek therapy because it obviously still bothers her. Who can blame her?! No one deserves to be molested. Please let your mother's last days be peaceful sweetie. Also work on yourself. I hope you find closure hun.
Absolutely NOT.. I completely understand that she wants to tell her mother to bring closure but now is not the right time. Let your mother pass peacefully. I believe it would bring more harm than good to open up this can of worms right now. Please don't say anything and just pray and ask god to help you. Also, please forgive your step father cause as long as you hold hate in your heart for him the longer he will have control over your life.( Forgive him and fly free)
i think it would be to much on the mom she should have told her earlier in private with her mom then they should have called the police but prayer would have helped that situtation dont tell just pray and keep the faith
It really is sick!!! NO I wouldn't tell her becauseb that would make it worst!!!!!! I would talk to her through god also. But if it was me I would've told when it happened
ITA. This is not the type of thing her mother needs to hear on her death bed. I can't imagine how it would make her mom feel that she wasn't able to help her back then (because she didn't know) or now (because she is so ill). I think the best thing she can do is give her mom as much positive energy and love that she can. Then, after she has gone, I'd corner that sorry SOB and whoop the monkey fool out of him! No uncles or aunts would even be necessary. Well, maybe to pull me off of him.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I agree with EVERYTHING you said. She is now 36, she should have been said something at least around the age of 20 she is older and can get away from him if he threatens her. She should just wait like you said and tell her uncles after her mom pass. God Bless!
Ateya you are truely inspirational and I just want to say to the female that went through that that I am so sorry that that happened to her and that i will definitely keep her in my preyers.
Even though her mom is dying, and not in a position to handle such devastating news...I could empathize with how and why her daughter would want to tell her at that time. I believe by her telling her now would make her feel like she'd have closure on the situation as far as her mom was concerned. HOWEVER, I personally,WOULDN'T tell her, simply bc when she's passed, she'll find out. Or like like Ateya said she could pray and talk to her about the situation through GOD.
I think that she should not tell her mother, first because any negativity in her life at this point could make her give up, also I think she should have tried to find a way to tell her when it happened. I just want to say that all sickness is not unto death and lets believe God on her behalf that he will heal her until He gives the last say. But Ateyaa you are right, If she should pass then i would talk to her through God to relieve myself of the past hurts he put her through. God Bless you
How sick is the mother? You said she is on her dying bed but she is up and alert and able to talk back.... I mean is she under hospice care and just have a couple of days to live or is she at home functioning and just taking her treatments? I'm not clear on how sick the mother is... ???
I agree with Ateya and I wouldn't tell my mom. I think she should make her mom as comfortable as possible in her last days. However, I do recommmend that she seeks counseling because this issue can affect her and her future relationships if not already. I will also tell someone now especially if he has moved on to someone else to prevent another child from having the same experience. Unfortunately, sick people like him don't just stop at one child and who knows...the next child he may rape.
I m totally agree with ateya!! dont tell this to your mom! it will just give her pain and stress her spirit. she s ill so let s it go! If you had not tell her before maybe you knew that ....kisses and don't forget to pray god will help you
I agree with you, Ateya. Do not tell your mom. She really don't need to hear that while she is suffering herself. I lost my grandmother of cancer 2 years ago and I've seen what she was going through before she passed. Now after she has passed, you don't have to see him anymore. Because he is not your dad. Once your mom is gone, you don't have to have anything to do with him anymore. Let go, and let god take care of it.
I do not think that she should tell her mom at this stage. What would it accomplish besides putting her under more stress than she is already going through. I am all for kids coming forward and speaking out about it, but under these circumstances, i wouldn't!
i think she should tell the mom before she pass away, depending on how the mother is, she would either deny it and stick with the husband/step dad or she would believe her and stick with the daughter.
but cases like this one is normal in the black community, the only difference between the white pediphile and a black pediphile is that white do it up front to other people children, black pediphile do it to their own family, so we barely hear about it on the news b/c we keep silent like this case
I agree with you. It's never too late to tell people anything! Many may disagree because her mother is dying, but she had plenty of time to tell her. She should definately tell her mom, 'cause even though her mom will be gone and better off, she still wouldn't let it go. The situation has consumed her for many years. Not telling is only gonna make her feel worst. TELL YA MAMA, GIRL!!!!!
i think that she shouldnt tell her mom... it wouldnt change anything! it was done many years ago. let your mother rest in peace knowing that she gave her kid a good life.
that man is a sick man. she shouldnt tell her mom on her death bed. she should let her mom go peacefully. it's too late to bring criminal charges against her step dad becuase of statue of limitations. she should seek therapy to get over this once horrible ordeal in her life.
Ateya, I agree with you, but I would really get with the stepdad before her mom passed, and I would tell him that out of respect for your mom, you are not gonna burden her with something so crucial, but let him know how wrong he was and that he better hope he makes things right with his maker before he goes, death is a very powerful reminder that we are not here forever, and in the critical time it may cause him to try to heal the situation. After mom passes, I would make it public to her family
GOOD CALL ATEYA! This was excellent advice. Her mother will learn the truth after she's with God, and God will mete His justice - and hopefully justice on earth will be served to this stepfather on earth, too!
36 years old??? of course not. When mom is gone, if she wants to pursue this man criminally, or just confront him, do so. However, why let mom go with this on her mind? Is she trying to speed up this death? That shouldn't even be a question. If she was younger, as in teens, of course,but at her age, let it go. Confront the man after moms situation, but not now.
I wouldn't tell my mother this when she's dying. I mean I uderstand she wants her mother to know , but my question is why now? Her health is failing her and whos to say her finding that out could make it worse. She needs to give it to God forgive this man and let God deal with him. Like the others said after all this time she still wants to know why go see a therapist. I hate she has to be bothered with that when she needs to be focused on her mom.
God saw it, and he will pay for it. I would tell the police. Men are being charged for all types of sexual crimes they did to children in their pass. Just burns my biscuit.....I know how she feels, I was molested as a young child. And I didn't tell my mother until I was 39 years old. Boy I felt a weight lifting off of my shoulder when I told my mother. I gave it to the Lord. And the Lord has taken care of him for me....She has to forgive him, so she can move with her life.
now is not the time to tell her mom that secret, she is already dealing with alot of pain from her illness and she should not add anymore grief to her life. let it go for now and takecare of it/him later.
That's why women have to be very careful about bringing men into their home with their kids by someone else. My Mom didn't get re-married until I was 23 and I was out of the house. I hear so many horror stories of abuse and I pray that the girl finds peace after the Mom is gone to glory. I pray that she has not been in abusive relationships in her adulthood b/c of this secret.
But, I do feel you gave her the right advice, I wouldn't hurt my Mom further while she is sick.
i wouldn't tell my mom, I would just let it go..until later.. her mother is already on her dying bed, the last the she want to do is put more stress on her mom..news such as that could possibily give her a stroke...
Do not tell mom, but press charges against this man. Make sure he gets put on some predator list. Do SOMETHING and make sure he doesn't get to touch anyone else. Protect other children as soon as you can. Ex-communicate and ostracize him from the family.
I couldn't do that to my mom when its her last days weeks on this earth bcuz a caring and loving mom wouldn't rest in peace knowing something like that. I've had these issues but worse than just touching and i did tell my mom and she still choose to be with that person so when other things happen with other people i didn't tell and even thou sometime it still hurts to know she didn't protect me and i'm 34 i still wouldn't tell her in that state. I know how she feels i struggle with telling also
Good advice... I would say that she should not tell her mom at this point; however, she should seek therapy. the first thing she should do is realize this is not her fault. Therapy can help her deal with any feelings she may have about this situation. There are alot of resources out there. Support groups are also a good place to turn where she can open up to others who have been in her situation.
I mean you said everything i was thinking but somethings you have to tell to move on but i feel whatever she thinks deep down in her heart she should do
You told her the absolute correct thing. Her mother should not be disturbed with this terrible knowledge at thiis time.
She might consider legal action against the stepfather once her mother has gone to her final rest. Others have succeeded even after many years passed. Might giver her some closure in finally accusing her attacker. Nothing else, she should seek counseling about this incident and how it relates to her f
You told her the right thing. Her mom should be at peace as much possible. Telling her is not going to change what happened. She survived it. This could speed up her mother's death. She should give it to God and just enjoy her time she has left with her mom.
she may wnt 4givenss frm her mombc she feels like she was protecting that sick man by not telling...they need eachother alot & her telling her mom may help her..she jus needs 2 help 1another & let her mom knw that it wasnt her fault, u just need 2 knw she'll still love u.. dnt think of it as a neg. opp... think of it as a new life 4 the both of u..
I think that everybody knows what kind of mother they have and whether or not they would want to know something like that. She needs to ask herself if her mother would want to know this information whenever. I would personally ask my mother if I had to tell her something that may be devastating to her at this time would she want to hear it? Depending on what the answer is go from there. I personally would. While she is still alert she can change her will and sign divorce papers.
ok i may b the only1 tht feels like she shld tell her mom, its not 2 seem inconsiderate but she is obviously haunted by her past2 the pnt that she can recall this incident & she mentioned it bc she finally wnts a voice & the comfort of her mom..(continued)
I also wouldn't let this ugliness into my mother's ears, especially at a time when she could do nothing. My best wishes go out to her for carrying this burden so long and to her mother, who is fighting that monster, cancer.
The only time I would tell anyone is if I thought it could help them. If someone thought they were alone and no one understood what they were going through, I would tell them what happened to me. Also if the person that did it is around young females I would tell their parents what the offender did. Other than that I'd take it to my grave because that bad thing that happened to me all those years ago doesn't define me. My present actions do.
Well here Ateya i tend to agree with you. She should let her mother see the Father with a smile on her face. Now with her, im sure its not a simple thing of letting it go. And kicking his butt is not going to change what happen when she was younger. tho is might not be easy, she has to find the strenth deep inside herself to forgive. Then she will be set free to live life without that hovering over her head. Her mother cant set her free from this. Only she can.
ceddyvette 1 year ago
I agree with lateishabrwn; this should have been brought up with her mom a long time ago and dealt with before. Her mother is already in one of the worst imaginable situations, and adding more bad news won't help anything at this point.
prettyboy1970 2 years ago
Also, some of these comments are coming from la la land. What if she told her and the mother says that she doesn't believe it.That would crush the daughter.
sbabwb 2 years ago
This **it needs to stop!!!!
sbabwb 2 years ago
I don't want to sound heartless but, all the time we hear the stories of women so desperate to have a man that they allow any ol'fool in their home.
sbabwb 2 years ago
I'm late responding to this but, it makes no sense to tell her now. Honestly, she must think about it... her mother picked that fool. what does that say about your mother? I'm pretty sure this man has done other things that were wrong that her mother let pass. I hope she let her mother die in peace.
sbabwb 2 years ago
Hey Ateya! NO NO NO NO NO!!!!! don't do it!!! that would just crush her moms heart because she can't do to much about it at this point...and I know a part of her knows this! however, she feels as if shes keeping something from her mom that she feels she should have told her long ago. I can understand her situation...but just know that shes not alone anymore because by her finally opening up about it, she can move on. GOD is GOOD!!!
bornavirgo 2 years ago
this lady is 36 years old. my question is why she didnt tell her mom when she was 20,25 or even 30 years old. or even before her mother was on her death bed. i belive that this situation is haunting this young lady because she is involed in something against her mom other than what was disclosed.
latieshabrwn 2 years ago
I think she should tell her mother. May God Bless her
Bahama06 2 years ago 2
I would just leave it alone&be by my mother's side!& yes she has to deal with this and try to 4give him and keep praying to GOD about it....her stepdad will pay 4 that
tha1stpresident 2 years ago
Negativity is the worse thing to bring about. Being a mother, i'd want to know, but in this situation, not the best idea. If it was me, death bed or not, it would be on my mind forever & id blame myself.she needs peace.Knowing your children will be safe when you are called Home, is every Mothers Last & Dying Wish... Tell her to forgive him. Dont hold a grudge or look for revenge. It'll control you.We'll pray for her. Let HIM handle it... GOD BLESS, and Love... -Starr*
jamaicazstarr 2 years ago
I agree with you Ateya. Her mother deserves to have peace and not anguish at this time
ddhayes6 2 years ago
HAVE HER TELL HER MOM!!!!!! PLEASE ATEYA!!! EW THAT GUY IS SO SICK!!!! nasty man. a
teya, please tell her, that she needs to get a man (her husband if she is married) or and uncle or some1 like that, and have them come with her as she tells her mom (if it gets out of hand so that the other guy can beat the crap out of her dad. lol or somthin like that 2 protect the woman) and tell her mom. BECAUSE IF THAT IS HAPPENING SOMETHING NEEDS TO B DONE!!!!!! even if its in the past
*God Bless*
chillactive24 2 years ago
I totaly agree! As soon as her mom passes she will already know!
But vengence is mine sayeth the Lord! God will take care of the freak when its his turn to face his creator!
The girl should just tell the police cause there is no time limit of sexual abuse of a child, Some cases are still being won!
She should let her mom go in peace. I wouldnt want to know if Im lying on my death bed and its too late to do anything about it!
And then move on with her life and make it beautiful!
helivestubes 2 years ago
She shouldnt tell the mom because that isnt going to help the moms case, it will only make her upset and trouble her and stress is not sumthing she needs at this moment. Also ova a decade has passed so she shouldnt tell her, it is irrelevent and God will punish him if he hasnt already.
MsLadyFreak 2 years ago
She should tell her mother. Her mother would WANT to know.
jwdicks 2 years ago
I think that she shouldnt tell her mom, because she waited too long, and if she tells her now, its just gona put more stress on her mom.
babysandy001 2 years ago
I totally agree with you Ateya!
249money 2 years ago
Its pointless to tell her now. Her mom's thoughts should be of peace. It is unfortunate, and my prayers go out to her, however, She should seek God and let him be her strength. Her mom may not can handle it right now.
merriem24 2 years ago
Yea, i would not tell the mother either. & hopefully the mom kind of sense what type of person he is & don't give him any money in the will.
misscollegiate08 2 years ago
No, if her mother is dying, then don't put that crap on her. Yeah, it is bad but your mother is dying! Why put that stress on her. Look on yourself, you made it out. You didn't kill yourself. You didn't become violent, etc. Be proud of what you have now!!
HammandClov 2 years ago 2
Her mom can give her a word of wisdom which will guide her. Obviously the daughter needs advice and hearing it from her mom will push her to do what she has to do
JoJa00 2 years ago
She should tell her....the feeling to never know sucks.
JoJa00 2 years ago
She should tell her mother I think her mother would WANT to know. True she has left it very late to tell her and this would not have been the best time to reveal such a thing but then...when is? If she doesnt tell now she will be carrying a double burden around. What if.....
chynawitch 2 years ago 2
unless you have been molested, you will never know what it feels like to harbor an act like that. To truly get over it, you have to talk about it and your mom should be number one. I have yet to have this discussion with my mother, i am very close to it because of some things i have been thinking about lately. I think she should talk to her mother. It is nothing better than knowing your mother loves you when you feel that much pain
efuhktual 2 years ago
I would not tell the mother due to her terminal illness. I would suggest seeing a therapist to work out her feeling and a way to confront the stepdad, and alert other family members of this sick individual. You have other relatives, you can protect from this predator! Be strong,and I wish you the best!
tlaverne40 2 years ago
I agree with you Ateyaaa. My rationalization is that the mother is dying.. what good does it do to her to tell her? I would confront the stepdad and other relatives after the mother passes. It's a horrible thing to be abused (been there!) but there is no good that revealing this to the mother on her death bed will do. The mother can not do anything and it would cause nothing but distress in her last days. Just my opinion.
nataliemedia 2 years ago
i wouldnt say anythingg.
:/
yeppyeppkiki 2 years ago
May she should write a letter to her mother (but don't give it to her). It sounds like she needs to get this off her chest. The letter is for her own peace of mind not to worry her mother on her death bed. She should pray for God to comfort her heart and her mother's as well. I wish she would have had the courage to tell mama back in the day before now. Sounds like this woman just needs some peace in her own life and maybe she thinks her mother can ease her own pain by knowing before she dies.
TeacherBC06 2 years ago
i totally agree!!!!!!!
arinic7 2 years ago
I really think this is an inappropriate time to tell her mom about the unfortunate ,evil, sick acts that were done to her. I would definitely pursue the subject once my mother had passed. Until then, the young lady should try seeking help, to deal with this emotions that have plagued her for so long. As far as the step dad is concerned, let the chips fall where they may. Pursue it to the fullest capacity. God Bless.
mizzfla 2 years ago
I truly DON'T AGREE with u all stating that she should just not tell her mother b/c she is dying. What if her mother was dying when this was happening when she was 12/13. Would she have to knuckle down and bear it then? I think the secret is going to be hard to bear at ANY stage of life. By advising her to bear it b/c its "too late" ur not ONLY empowering the perpetrator, but sending a message to ALL victims young and old that their secrets should only be divulged under stress-free conditions.
sweetaz678 2 years ago 6
@sweetaz678 I think there is no right or wrong answer to this. This is her perception of what she should be doing. I understand both situations. But I do lean on not telling.
MedusaNegrita 11 months ago
Let your Mom rest in peace. She needs to be able to get her affairs right in her mind and she really doesnt need this. Let her have her last few moments with you be memorable. He has already taken too much from you dont allow him to take away your last memories with your mother.
kswafer 2 years ago 2
That's a tricky subject! Mom is dying, i don't think I would tell mom....but maybe I would. If I was in that situation I wouldn't. I would seek therapy to help me get thru and of course pray to the Almighty!! Let mom go in peace and you seek peace through GOD and Therapy!
Stay Blessed
Tashie723 2 years ago
i totally agree with you!
dianasj 2 years ago
Now is not the time. Allow your mother her last days in peace, how many days God allows. HOWEVER... after your mother passes...ALL BETS ARE OFF. TELL EVERYONE BODY YOU KNOW. HIS CHURCH, HIS CO-WORKERS, YOUR UNCLES...TELL EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!! And let the chips fall where they may.
diermitch 2 years ago
Please let your dying mother go in PEACE. Imagine having to go through that much mental hurt during those final moments:(
GotImani 2 years ago
I would have told her. But, after she is gone the guilt that is bothering her now is just going to get far worse. I know a lot of women/men who have gone through this.
ladyrose01z 2 years ago
I know that sounded kind of messed up ( previous comment) but that's kinda my situation now and I love my mother......and if u tell her u may not have enough time to get it right in your hearts.. Not trying to be insensitive at all. Love your mother as much as you can while you have her. My prayers are with you.
nykki07 2 years ago
Actually I have been in a situation similar to this but it was my step dad's brother who tried to molest me when I was 5 and my stepfather beat me when he sent my mother to the store. With that said.... in my opinion, I would not tell my mother especially if she's dying of cancer..let her be and deal with his ass later! but u want her to have peace and this will give you peace as well. If her response is not what u want u could resent ur mother while not really wanting to have that in ur heart.
nykki07 2 years ago
I agree with you Ateya. I wouldn't want my mother to have to hold on to anger or resentment I'd want her to leave this earth with nothing that major weighing heavy on her heart. I'd want her to have forgiven everyone for what they have ever done or else how will the Lord be able to forgive her. As long as the daughter knows herself and is no longer a victim in her mind she will be fine. If she never felt the need to tell her mom before maybe she's dealt with it and moved on, why rekindle?
jusbcuz1 2 years ago
I don't think that she should tell her mom yet, since she is already stressed out because of the cancer. but if she beats the cancer, I think that she should wait to tell her when the time is right.
omari1226 2 years ago
Whether she has gotten over it or not, this is not the time to tell anyone something like this. At a time when someone is dying you tell them anything you think they want to hear to make their passing BETTER. Lie if you have to, but you should always make someones passing as easy as possible.
ChocolateSisterGraph 2 years ago
I agree I don't think I'd tell her either I mean she's dying. I'd feel bad that I was too afraid to tell her when she was live and well but now that she's weak I wouldn't be able to put anything heavier on her. That would just have to be something that I never got to tell her to her face. But I do feel that is something her mother should know so talking to her after she passes over would be good for her concious(did i spell that right?).
SuperOfficialFashion 2 years ago
ateyaaa good answer! and my prayer is with her!
ladycateyes 2 years ago
I don't think she should tell her mom that on her dying bed, because I would want her to be in peace when she passes. However I would pray about the situation and ask God what would be right to do right, He will deffinitely lead you the right way. As for your step-dad my first thoughts would be to hurt him in some way because that is the natural human thing to do, but really thinking about it that is another situation I would have to take to God, and let Him lead you through that situation.
Sueetone27 2 years ago
My opinion would be not to tell her. I just don't think that's something that will make this process any easier. I think its solely based on the person who has been abused and how they think their mother will take it... of course not that good but some pople are stronger than others, others have a hard time dealing with that kind of situation. The bible says there is no crying and or sad thoughts in heaven so it goes both ways.
natpaige007 2 years ago
Its a hard situation, I have mixed feelings on this...But I dont think she should tell her...however she needs to get it off her mind, so perhaps like you said, talk to her mother through God, because speaking to her mom now who cannot respond would not put her mind at ease..
mssssbaddadan 2 years ago
ur mothers approval..pain dsnt have a time limit or preference or age pref. or limit preferance or capacity...the same way some of u say she didnt get raped so it shldnt be such a big deal 2 her then y shld it be such a big deal 2 her mom..c'mon ppl..b real.. her mom can deal with it as well.. i dnt wanna seem harsh..but this can release a grudge this gurl might of had or a burden shes held.. a life can end but another one can begin a new one which is what life it about.. jus my opinion..
MsPSoSexxii 2 years ago
If her mom cant even respond what would be the point? I think that would just put more unnecessary stress on her.
xgirlkhat 2 years ago
okay i must comment again and say its appauling 2hear someone say bc shes older to "forget" it or "get over it" or even seek help..listen speaking to a stranger w a phd or a groupd of stranger wnt heal her.. her moms acceptance will.. we all seek.(cont)
MsPSoSexxii 2 years ago
In my opinion I would say that she has already gotten over it. She has lived with this man for 20 something years and has never uttered a word about it to a single soul. Either she's already over it or she's bottling it in which is not good. She doesn't have to get a therapist but talking to someone would help. I don't feel she should tell her mom because these are her last days, she had all her life to tell her that why not let her be happy before she leaves instead of hurting emotionally also.
SuperOfficialFashion 2 years ago
she should of told her mama when it first started happening..
PrettyKiki09 2 years ago
I think that she should NOT tell her Mom this information because of her Mom's condition. I would confide in a therapist that they can assist her in releasing the pain of betrayal by the stepdad. Hopefully, she can forgive the step dad and move on with her life.
sexyellex 2 years ago
not that anyone is right or wrong here but in my opinion i would tell my mom. if I had a daughter and she was inapropiately touched i would denfinetly want to know, even if i was dying. just my opinion.
tweeetie55 2 years ago
i dont think she should tell her mom tell the police
mingosan2006 2 years ago
I agree wit u.I dnt think she should tell her mom now that might send her to her grave sooner or leave her mom feeling guilty and anger
shortncute59 2 years ago
I was thinking the same thing. just wait til she has passed on and to just then confess it to her through the most high. she does need to be just as comfortable as she can while she is not well and in this state. then after all this is done, we callin them uncles!
treasurecat03isme 2 years ago
No, it's not okay. It's as simple as that.
dawnydmc 2 years ago
Allthough the step dad is a freaking jerk, why wait 23 years later to tell your mom; not to mention, you wait to tell your mom when she is near death. I think she should seek counseling and/or confront the step dad. Don't place the extra burden on your mom in her most fragile status.
Divalawgirl 2 years ago
I Totally Agree with you
nunaavane 2 years ago
Luckily, he didn't rape her. Let it go. That's not something you want to find out as your dying! She needs to let her anger on him not her mom.
YUNGLILMAMI 2 years ago
I really don't see the point of telling her mother now. Her mom is dying. All she is going to do is send her to her grave faster. Spend precious time with your mother you have had plenty of opportunity to tell her when she was well but you chose not to..so why now? It will do no good. I would be plotting some revenge on that step father though... :(
Cutchswife 2 years ago
I wouldn't tell my dying mother something so hurtful on her dying bed. What good could possiblly come out of it. Mom is already dealing with her mortally which can't be easy. This molester has hurt you so please don't let his painful and disgraceful hurt continue on to your dying mother. All these years why now when her mother's plate is full. I believe it will only cause her mother more suffering. I just wouldn't and couldn't do it. May this young woman find solace in her life.
chocolate12u 2 years ago
pinkchemicalsnow I agree with you maybe she feels that her mom new and she is angry with her mom because why on earth out of all the times in the world u could have said sumthin y now its like letting all secrets come out now it makes absolutely no sense because it will not change anything I cant see my mom on her death bed and think to tell her that and think I could sleep at night after that my mom needs to be at peace when it is her time she need to get counseling that can mayb help her
tee1736 2 years ago
beautyzone1 let be honest her mom can't do nothing about it now and she a grown women herself so she had it on her mind all this time wats couple more years gonna do and its will not heal her from the pain that this man has caused. I agree with ateya dont tell the mom because stress can cause her to die quicker and she needs to go peacefully she should have told her from before and like most kids she did not do that so I feel she should seek couseling and tell her mom after she has passed
tee1736 2 years ago
First off please assure your mom that she was an amazing mother and that is not her fault, but you have to tell her. You cannot carry this around for the rest of your life. Make peace with your mom and let her know everything, don't hold back. As she will be gone soon, you need to be the strong woman she raised, put this pediphile in his place (dern bastard)!!!! Knee him in the nuts on your way out to please....THANK YOU!!!
naturalbornqueen 2 years ago
i will have to say no don't tell the mom b/c i understand it's gotta be hard for her to go through this when she was young but now after so many years i'm afraid this may cause trauma to her mom that's already severely sick. AND ONCE AGAIN GREAT ADVICE ATEYA: )
jerseygirl149 2 years ago
I agree with you Ateya. I She should let her mom go and after her mom is gone take action against this child abuser. He's sick in the head. That's some kind of weird mental illness and he could do it to other people. She should expose this man to other people so that can move on with her healing, but telling her mom isn't going to help very much. It's probably gonna make her mom feel like she failed in some way and she doesn't want to do that to her mom.
Good luck, whoever you are. <3
pinkchemicalsnow 2 years ago
Your mother is going to God and she doesn't need to be burdened with this information now...I know there are some really sick people in this world, but the merciful thing is that he never raped her. She should get some counselling and the person she should really speak to is the Stepfather and how he made her feel. Her mum just needs rest and prayer right now...let it go.
up4itgal 2 years ago
WHY NOW???
She have been silent for 24/25 odd years. Why now???
I feel she should tell someone and her step- father should be held accountable for victimizing her.
But I don't think NOW is the time to tell her mom. I think this will KILL her mom. To know she have lived with and love the man who sexually molested her daughter. She will not go in peace.
Get COUNSELING and know that it is NOT. I repeat NOT her fault. She needs to TELL her other family if she have any. And get help.
SweetWetHotHoney 2 years ago
Your telling a woman who was victimized to remain silent. Remaing silent is to live in shame. Her mom is her pilar of strength. Telling her mom will allow her to let go of the shame that kept her silent for so long. Her mom will leave her with all the strength and freedom that her stepdad took. There's nothing stronger than a moms love. Instead of empowering this woman, your advise is "talk to your mom in the after life". How dare you. The truth shall set you free. Does that ring a bell Ateya.
josselin239 2 years ago
Okay I just reloaded the video. TELL TELL TELL TELL TELL. In fact RUN, don't walk. Tell her now. Don't carry that weight around with you. 12 and 13. I wouldn't be surprised it she was raped by this man as well. PLEASE TELL. You should NOT have to bare this burden alone, as you've done for the past 20 years.
CaliRed121 2 years ago
Okay am I missing something? Is the mother STILL with the "step dad"???? The mother DEFINITELY should know then. It's not the child's responsibility to protect the ADULT. So the mother dies and then the child has to live with that horror and the dayum step dad as well. Then he REALLY get's to "have" her because the mother isn't around to block it.
I think the mother sensed something and that's why the person is asking the question now. She already knows the answer.
CaliRed121 2 years ago
Please TELL HER, if she has to know the secret for her limited time left then thats what it has to be, you've already done her a "favor" by not telling her for 24 years! Dont use the rationale that it will hurt her its time for YOU to truly LIVE-no secrets. Your mother would give her life for you, so you divulging the secret so you can live the rest of yours fufilled is what she would rather want. Besides, you should tell your mother so she doesnt leave this worthless man anything!
sweetaz678 2 years ago 2
I believe that she should tell her mother. I know the mother is dying, but honestly this woman has been dead inside for all these years obviously because this topic and feeling is extremely relevant to her. Her mother should know that and she should know that her mother knew before she left so SHE can feel at peace. Although her mother is dying now, this woman has a bunch of life left. she's been skiming on the surface of it, walking on eggshells, not to divulge any earth-shattering secrets.
sweetaz678 2 years ago
Let it go. If you didnt tell her when she was well.When she could have beat his ass or something. So why do it now while she is sick? Don't add to her illness. That was nothing to hide.She have been told when he first did it.
moeevehouston 2 years ago
If I was her I would tell the mother. I know she is dying, but I feel like her mother needs to know the truth. Talking to a conselor doesn't help at all, and if she's been living with her mom and dad all this time keeping that secret, I feel the only way to finally feel relieved is to tell the person who married him. Which is her mother.
presuchz21 2 years ago
This is why kids need to be talked to and informed at how important it is to talk and communicate to your parents or guardian or someone that you feel comfortable or just safe enough to tell.
Don't tell her now. She prob would not forgive herself and that's not what she needs on her heart before she goes. Get therapy and a can of whoop azz you'll be ok in time!
dunigan77 2 years ago
I totally agree with you Ateya. Let her mother's last days be as peaceful as possible. I also agree with you on the beat down for the ole' step dad later.
ebonybelle1luv 2 years ago
I don't think it is appropriate to tell her mother. Her mother is dying and she is trying to make the situation about her. I understand her pain, but if she felt the need to keep it from her mother for 23 years I see no reason to tell her now. She should work through her pain with a therapist. No offense, but to tell her would be completely selfish and unsupportive.
APRILINLA 2 years ago
I agree with you and with cilcy. Please do not tell your mom. She is already dealing with alot and guaranteed she will feel like she was unable to protect her child. Go see a counselor and start going to sessions to work it out. If you are still dealing with this then chances are you have not been able to deal with what happened. So please set up an appt. If you choose to do so also confront your step father. After talking to a counselor you may feel better to confront him.
nubianangel01 2 years ago
dang, you thuggin? lol
EbonyAbraxas 2 years ago
Hi Ateya. This woman should talk to a counselor and confront the stepfather, not her mother
Why should she add to her mother's illness?
Her mother would feel terrible not having been able to protect her
There are so many things that I wish I could take back, things that didn't need to be said and so many beautiful things I wish I had said before my mother passed
Her mother's time is precious - it should be about freedom and forgiveness, not about unloading past hurts
cilcy 2 years ago
first i want to saay i am so sorry for what this girl is going through.
i know you are hurting, but u need to tell her.
i am so sorry but if you were here and u found out and didnt know beause ur daughter was not upfront with you u would be upset.
put yourself in her shoes
VSpink25 2 years ago
hard question i can't even answer it now i'll answer this later.
14malarkey 2 years ago
I do agree with you. I dont think she should tell her mum, she shuld jus keep it to herself n if she really needs to tell some1, then she should talk to sum1 else in the family who would be there for her.
Her mum really does not need the worry ryt now
hannahmng 2 years ago
wtf is this
bmwlova3 2 years ago
I agree with you. She should not tell her mom this on her dying bed. Let her mom go comfortably and talk to her in her prayers.
tlogroove 2 years ago
i do agree with you her mom should have that piece in her heart to go home with i wouldn't tell simply because i would not her to think she didnt do a good good taking care and protecting me let her go home happy
vincyca 2 years ago
Ateya, that's crazy. I don't think telling her mom would be the best thing to do in this situation. Maybe if her mother was well and able to receieve this kind of information but no I wouldn't.
Dreyababy07 2 years ago
how very very sad. she should have gone to the cops years ago. i know it can be hard but she still needs to get help for it.
LovingWhoIReallyAm 2 years ago
I'm guessing I'm the only one that would tell her.
syrgirl 2 years ago
Hi Ateya. No, I don't think that she should tell her mother.
jnellegirl 2 years ago
I don't think she should tell her. What can she do now. The mother is to weak to take action now. This woman should have told someone back in her 20's or something. She was old enough then. Why wait until now. What she needs to do is go confront him with some family members like you said. Her mother can't help her now, this is a sad case.
ingrid717 2 years ago
Her mom can't even talk, so I dont think she needs to tells her mom. If she could of shared it with her mom at an earlier time that would be OK, but now her mom is too sick.
slesseps 2 years ago
It just doesn't even seem appropriate to only want to tell her mom now that she is dying.
Not that i don't feel for her situation, but to wait 24 years and THEN say "oh mom, since you're dying now, you should know this..." it almost comes off as vindictive. Even if she had every intention of doing the right thing, to wait until she's dying just really makes it a moot point.
She needs NOT to burden her mom with this. This is an issue she needs to take up with God at this point.
missladygray 2 years ago
i agree with you...i was going to say the exact same thing
why wait till she's about to die to say this, it just doesnt seem right... besides you should be thinkin about tellin your mom you love her and have some encouraging words so she can die with a smile on her face.
also what would tellin her mom this do? seriously it might speed up her death (god forbid)...honestly its not like her mom can get up and do somethin about it
AkedaGB 2 years ago
How old is the young lady now..I agree that telling her mom might not do any good but it might affect her in the long run....if you ever look at psychology and how talking and keeping it to yourself can automatically cause problems in her future relationships..how she raises her kids so many cause and effect with that said if her internal conflict was resolved the thought of telling her mom really wont even come to mind so she needs to talk someone not saying her mom but someone at least soon
finestdime100 2 years ago
Her mom does not need to deal with that right now. She is dying and may already having to deal with regrets, this would just devastate her mom's world, because she can't really do anything about it but feel more depressed. And at a time when she is dealing with cancer she shouldn't have to deal with that too.
That is why young women need to speak out early when things like that happen to them, because now the stepfather is the winner in the situation, and the victim is now a victim again.
ladykcampbell 2 years ago
I can't comment, because what I want to say is going to make me wanna find dude.
Leianess 2 years ago
is ateeya married ?
saw a wedding ring :O
marg3 2 years ago
She shouldn't tell her mother at this point, although her step dad should be exposed.
mwll518 2 years ago
I agree with you ateyaa completely. I wouldn't tell her now because honestly that might be what kills her. Moms take that so hard. They feel like they have failed their child and they blame themselves and thats the last thing you want to do
prettykeli 2 years ago
No she shouldnt tell her mother
DiorVixzen 2 years ago
I agree with you Ateyaaa. She's dying and what can she do by knowing at this point now. Let her last moments be peaceful. Then like you said in your video....beat down.
anne461 2 years ago
i think she SHOULDNT tell her mom ... like many have said before its to much right now. I think her mothers last days should just be calm and at ease. I def. wouldnt want something like that on my brain before im laid to rest
babygurlt897 2 years ago
I personally would tell, but only because I have the kind of mother who would want to know regardless of the situation. This is something that my mother and I have discussed time and time again and it was agreed upon that regardless she would want to know. If my mom and I had not discussed this time and time again before then I probably would not tell her.
tyefrmny 2 years ago
she does not need to know this now....it is too late to burden her down with that now!!!!! she should have told her before she was dying because now it will be all that she thinks about instead of passing peacefully
minnie543 2 years ago
She definitely SHOULD NOT tell her mother. She should let her mother die in peace.
lilchocolatz 2 years ago
I wouldn't tell my mom, I'd voodoo the hell out the step dad though.
ParadoxTWC 2 years ago
loooooooooool
Lamissdurdc 2 years ago
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queen01esther 2 years ago
i'd personal tell her cuz i wouldn't want her to be married to the wrong person like i wouldn't even want to see him again espiaclly if she doesn't make it i would not want to see him at her funral but he'd be there cuz their married. Because i would think my mom would desirve to know. Even though i'd want her to feel comfterable i would not want her to go through life being completely oblivious to this. Because if she knows now i'd say it's better than never knowing.
willyoubemyedward 2 years ago
Let this women know there are support groups out there and there is NO limit to have that man arrested for sexual criminal act. The problem with this story is how come the women need to make peace with it NOW and not before this an/or told her mother prior. NOrmally i would say tell the mother, but like you said the mother is on her death bed, so i will reserve judgement and just say that this women needs to make peace with it or bring the man to justice.- for her sake, she's in my prayers
pyucku 2 years ago 2
i agree!!
Chocolatelover123 2 years ago
i agree with you. it would be too much right now.
SwoopSui 2 years ago
NOO..she should NOT tell her mother now. The timing is all wrong. She held it in for all these years, and I imagine that it was hard. But I think she should let her mother go in peace, and she should seek therapy because it obviously still bothers her. Who can blame her?! No one deserves to be molested. Please let your mother's last days be peaceful sweetie. Also work on yourself. I hope you find closure hun.
ladyrosie1983 2 years ago
Absolutely NOT.. I completely understand that she wants to tell her mother to bring closure but now is not the right time. Let your mother pass peacefully. I believe it would bring more harm than good to open up this can of worms right now. Please don't say anything and just pray and ask god to help you. Also, please forgive your step father cause as long as you hold hate in your heart for him the longer he will have control over your life.( Forgive him and fly free)
songbird4u 2 years ago
i think it would be to much on the mom she should have told her earlier in private with her mom then they should have called the police but prayer would have helped that situtation dont tell just pray and keep the faith
kamille3000 2 years ago
It really is sick!!! NO I wouldn't tell her becauseb that would make it worst!!!!!! I would talk to her through god also. But if it was me I would've told when it happened
divasundae 2 years ago
ITA. This is not the type of thing her mother needs to hear on her death bed. I can't imagine how it would make her mom feel that she wasn't able to help her back then (because she didn't know) or now (because she is so ill). I think the best thing she can do is give her mom as much positive energy and love that she can. Then, after she has gone, I'd corner that sorry SOB and whoop the monkey fool out of him! No uncles or aunts would even be necessary. Well, maybe to pull me off of him.
KYVirgo 2 years ago
You took the words right out of my mouth. I agree with EVERYTHING you said. She is now 36, she should have been said something at least around the age of 20 she is older and can get away from him if he threatens her. She should just wait like you said and tell her uncles after her mom pass. God Bless!
yashaboo86 2 years ago
Ateya you are truely inspirational and I just want to say to the female that went through that that I am so sorry that that happened to her and that i will definitely keep her in my preyers.
waqqid2008 2 years ago
Even though her mom is dying, and not in a position to handle such devastating news...I could empathize with how and why her daughter would want to tell her at that time. I believe by her telling her now would make her feel like she'd have closure on the situation as far as her mom was concerned. HOWEVER, I personally,WOULDN'T tell her, simply bc when she's passed, she'll find out. Or like like Ateya said she could pray and talk to her about the situation through GOD.
tjmprototype 2 years ago
thats a no brainer, hell naw she shouldnt tell, you didnt tell when u were 20,25,30, when her mom was up but now u want to tell, silly
xoticangell 2 years ago
I think that she should not tell her mother, first because any negativity in her life at this point could make her give up, also I think she should have tried to find a way to tell her when it happened. I just want to say that all sickness is not unto death and lets believe God on her behalf that he will heal her until He gives the last say. But Ateyaa you are right, If she should pass then i would talk to her through God to relieve myself of the past hurts he put her through. God Bless you
Godschild002 2 years ago
How sick is the mother? You said she is on her dying bed but she is up and alert and able to talk back.... I mean is she under hospice care and just have a couple of days to live or is she at home functioning and just taking her treatments? I'm not clear on how sick the mother is... ???
livinmybestlife 2 years ago
I agree with Ateya and I wouldn't tell my mom. I think she should make her mom as comfortable as possible in her last days. However, I do recommmend that she seeks counseling because this issue can affect her and her future relationships if not already. I will also tell someone now especially if he has moved on to someone else to prevent another child from having the same experience. Unfortunately, sick people like him don't just stop at one child and who knows...the next child he may rape.
lakitiamarie 2 years ago
I m totally agree with ateya!! dont tell this to your mom! it will just give her pain and stress her spirit. she s ill so let s it go! If you had not tell her before maybe you knew that ....kisses and don't forget to pray god will help you
hotleeus 2 years ago
I agree with you, Ateya. Do not tell your mom. She really don't need to hear that while she is suffering herself. I lost my grandmother of cancer 2 years ago and I've seen what she was going through before she passed. Now after she has passed, you don't have to see him anymore. Because he is not your dad. Once your mom is gone, you don't have to have anything to do with him anymore. Let go, and let god take care of it.
terizlarson 2 years ago
she should let her mother rest,and after her mom passes away cut her step dad's penis off.
redprincess237 2 years ago 2
i do agree with you ateya, because i mother is so sick and this is not somethin to tell her at this time. As for the man, he needs to be confronted
amoysweetty 2 years ago
I do not think that she should tell her mom at this stage. What would it accomplish besides putting her under more stress than she is already going through. I am all for kids coming forward and speaking out about it, but under these circumstances, i wouldn't!
My condolences...
xkhontaghusx 2 years ago
That pervert should be behind bars! :(
SUPERAMERICANBLONDE 2 years ago 3
i think she should tell the mom before she pass away, depending on how the mother is, she would either deny it and stick with the husband/step dad or she would believe her and stick with the daughter.
but cases like this one is normal in the black community, the only difference between the white pediphile and a black pediphile is that white do it up front to other people children, black pediphile do it to their own family, so we barely hear about it on the news b/c we keep silent like this case
chambers396 2 years ago
I agree with you. It's never too late to tell people anything! Many may disagree because her mother is dying, but she had plenty of time to tell her. She should definately tell her mom, 'cause even though her mom will be gone and better off, she still wouldn't let it go. The situation has consumed her for many years. Not telling is only gonna make her feel worst. TELL YA MAMA, GIRL!!!!!
00uumama00 2 years ago
i think that she shouldnt tell her mom... it wouldnt change anything! it was done many years ago. let your mother rest in peace knowing that she gave her kid a good life.
idig 2 years ago 2
that man is a sick man. she shouldnt tell her mom on her death bed. she should let her mom go peacefully. it's too late to bring criminal charges against her step dad becuase of statue of limitations. she should seek therapy to get over this once horrible ordeal in her life.
afrikahchick 2 years ago
Ateya, I agree with you, but I would really get with the stepdad before her mom passed, and I would tell him that out of respect for your mom, you are not gonna burden her with something so crucial, but let him know how wrong he was and that he better hope he makes things right with his maker before he goes, death is a very powerful reminder that we are not here forever, and in the critical time it may cause him to try to heal the situation. After mom passes, I would make it public to her family
ummsaleem 2 years ago
GOOD CALL ATEYA! This was excellent advice. Her mother will learn the truth after she's with God, and God will mete His justice - and hopefully justice on earth will be served to this stepfather on earth, too!
BrickRoux 2 years ago
36 years old??? of course not. When mom is gone, if she wants to pursue this man criminally, or just confront him, do so. However, why let mom go with this on her mind? Is she trying to speed up this death? That shouldn't even be a question. If she was younger, as in teens, of course,but at her age, let it go. Confront the man after moms situation, but not now.
mzyasmin 2 years ago
I agree totally with you.
6766177 2 years ago
I wouldn't tell my mother this when she's dying. I mean I uderstand she wants her mother to know , but my question is why now? Her health is failing her and whos to say her finding that out could make it worse. She needs to give it to God forgive this man and let God deal with him. Like the others said after all this time she still wants to know why go see a therapist. I hate she has to be bothered with that when she needs to be focused on her mom.
mrsw02 2 years ago
i feel she should have been told her mom..she has waited too late,her mom already is weak,and shes going to put more stress on her
sexybaybay24 2 years ago
God saw it, and he will pay for it. I would tell the police. Men are being charged for all types of sexual crimes they did to children in their pass. Just burns my biscuit.....I know how she feels, I was molested as a young child. And I didn't tell my mother until I was 39 years old. Boy I felt a weight lifting off of my shoulder when I told my mother. I gave it to the Lord. And the Lord has taken care of him for me....She has to forgive him, so she can move with her life.
GODSPRINZES2 2 years ago
now is not the time to tell her mom that secret, she is already dealing with alot of pain from her illness and she should not add anymore grief to her life. let it go for now and takecare of it/him later.
stay blessed .
KidneyGirl91 2 years ago
She needs to let it go, her mother is dying, don't let her die with that pain in her heart. She should have been told her that!
AtlantaAngel84 2 years ago 2
That's why women have to be very careful about bringing men into their home with their kids by someone else. My Mom didn't get re-married until I was 23 and I was out of the house. I hear so many horror stories of abuse and I pray that the girl finds peace after the Mom is gone to glory. I pray that she has not been in abusive relationships in her adulthood b/c of this secret.
But, I do feel you gave her the right advice, I wouldn't hurt my Mom further while she is sick.
MsDebate 2 years ago 2
Agreed Ateyaaa
BlackCherry888 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
i wouldn't tell my mom, I would just let it go..until later.. her mother is already on her dying bed, the last the she want to do is put more stress on her mom..news such as that could possibily give her a stroke...
chocolategoodness1 2 years ago
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chocolategoodness1 2 years ago
Do not tell mom, but press charges against this man. Make sure he gets put on some predator list. Do SOMETHING and make sure he doesn't get to touch anyone else. Protect other children as soon as you can. Ex-communicate and ostracize him from the family.
beijosparavoce 2 years ago
Let it go.
beijosparavoce 2 years ago
i agree with you Ateya she shouldn't tell her mom on her dying bed.
plussizediva24 2 years ago
I couldn't do that to my mom when its her last days weeks on this earth bcuz a caring and loving mom wouldn't rest in peace knowing something like that. I've had these issues but worse than just touching and i did tell my mom and she still choose to be with that person so when other things happen with other people i didn't tell and even thou sometime it still hurts to know she didn't protect me and i'm 34 i still wouldn't tell her in that state. I know how she feels i struggle with telling also
latisha1974 2 years ago
Good advice... I would say that she should not tell her mom at this point; however, she should seek therapy. the first thing she should do is realize this is not her fault. Therapy can help her deal with any feelings she may have about this situation. There are alot of resources out there. Support groups are also a good place to turn where she can open up to others who have been in her situation.
nubeginnings08 2 years ago
I mean you said everything i was thinking but somethings you have to tell to move on but i feel whatever she thinks deep down in her heart she should do
ifneedbe123 2 years ago
You told her the absolute correct thing. Her mother should not be disturbed with this terrible knowledge at thiis time.
She might consider legal action against the stepfather once her mother has gone to her final rest. Others have succeeded even after many years passed. Might giver her some closure in finally accusing her attacker. Nothing else, she should seek counseling about this incident and how it relates to her f
msiptygr 2 years ago
You told her the right thing. Her mom should be at peace as much possible. Telling her is not going to change what happened. She survived it. This could speed up her mother's death. She should give it to God and just enjoy her time she has left with her mom.
pamelawalker1 2 years ago
she may wnt 4givenss frm her mombc she feels like she was protecting that sick man by not telling...they need eachother alot & her telling her mom may help her..she jus needs 2 help 1another & let her mom knw that it wasnt her fault, u just need 2 knw she'll still love u.. dnt think of it as a neg. opp... think of it as a new life 4 the both of u..
MsPSoSexxii 2 years ago
I think that everybody knows what kind of mother they have and whether or not they would want to know something like that. She needs to ask herself if her mother would want to know this information whenever. I would personally ask my mother if I had to tell her something that may be devastating to her at this time would she want to hear it? Depending on what the answer is go from there. I personally would. While she is still alert she can change her will and sign divorce papers.
HvnsLilQT 2 years ago
ok i may b the only1 tht feels like she shld tell her mom, its not 2 seem inconsiderate but she is obviously haunted by her past2 the pnt that she can recall this incident & she mentioned it bc she finally wnts a voice & the comfort of her mom..(continued)
MsPSoSexxii 2 years ago
I also wouldn't let this ugliness into my mother's ears, especially at a time when she could do nothing. My best wishes go out to her for carrying this burden so long and to her mother, who is fighting that monster, cancer.
SheLuvsHerIpod 2 years ago
I wouldn't tell my dying mom what happened.
The only time I would tell anyone is if I thought it could help them. If someone thought they were alone and no one understood what they were going through, I would tell them what happened to me. Also if the person that did it is around young females I would tell their parents what the offender did. Other than that I'd take it to my grave because that bad thing that happened to me all those years ago doesn't define me. My present actions do.
ayamejoy 2 years ago