Is it real?

[itbbe]

I have this as well as a great handful of my friends but they have theres sorted out and stuff but my mind is so confusing. i dont understand whos who like i like to be depressed, then its pethtic and disusting that i like to be sad...then im just numb...idk. i love it,but i hate that i dont know whats going on..do you have any tips....? or am i just insaine ha.

[castorgirl]

@itbbe if it's causing any distress in your life - which it sounds like it is, then I strongly recommend that you ask for some help. I don't know your circumstances, but there are usually hotlines of some sort for mental health issues in each country, you can start by calling them. If you have a doctor, contact them. The main thing is to reach out for help. People like drs will know what help is available in your area.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Please take care and reach out.

CG

[oranges1214]

castorgirl, you have some great videos , although we havent obviously met... its soooo comforting to know... someone else out there gets it

[Orenotter]

Being a multiple myself, I think I can answer the question.

Every alter has a purpose.

When we become burdened with more than we can bear, we break off. Each of us alters gets one or a few troubles or personality flaws which we are to conquer. This way, no one has to deal with the whole thing. We also have helper alters. Guides, teachers, protectors, stress relievers. Some do a wonderful job of doing their duty. Some never learn to. It's all about being a family and helping each other.

[skittles835]

great video..i struggled with several destructive behaviors; started very early at 3 and it just took off from there...everything from self injury to drugs to dissociation. I tend to struggle a great deal.

[castorgirl]

Hi Skittles,

I hope you're in a safer place now and getting any help you need...

Take care,

Sophie

[Elysium3006]

Every once in a while, I come back to watch your videos. I was diagnosed in March of this year...and sometimes, even though we know we are real...we start to question if we are really real or if we just make it up as we go along. It's weird...we couldn't make this up...but we still wonder.

Our therapist says that it is normal for parts to question. It is a way to deny it and if it isn't real then maybe none of the bad stuff was either.

Your videos help validate my pain!!

Thank you.....<3

[castorgirl]

Hi Elysium,

I'm really glad my clips help in some way, but also sad that this is what others experience too.

I think it's normal to question what is happening... Some of that questioning is healthy, some of it can be very negative and harmful.

I hope you're getting some good, positive help.

Take care,

Sophie :)

[RustyShuriken]

in our body there is an incredibly optomistic and ever-happy child (he is the one who made our youtube account and loves it)

there is me, i'm the wisdom... i can figure anything out with little effort, i also act as the leader of the alters in our body

then there is the true one who is very depressed and has tried to kill himself many times... but i take over and keep us alive...

then the 4th is pretty much the incarnation of evil... hates me more than anything, along with everyone else

[BaRx0]

i have a sadistic girl, a emotional girl, a cool nice girl and me. i hate the real me. shes pathetic

but im not sure if have DID i really try to get help from someone

[castorgirl]

It would be good to reach out for help... It can be scary, but it's worth it in the long run. Approach your doctor or a therapist...

Take care :)

[BaRx0]

i go to a psychiatric and a therapist because i hear voices and see things.. the psychiatric thinks that its a neurological problem and im doing tests,

im too scared to tell them about the other people that inside me

[killerkitty777]

you have to tell them. they need to know. You have to pull their memories and deal with what the others are hiding/protecting you from to 'assimilate' yourself. Glad you have taken some steps!

[killerkitty777]

Tell them

[map203]

wuts tha name of it

[castorgirl]

Bittersweet symphony by The Verve

[map203]

like the song

[mirrorofmanyfaces]

So powerful and hits the spot having DID is no JOKE!!!

[sheeby2]

I love this song ! Bitersweet symphony (The Verve)

[survivoroftrauma]

incredible video...really speaks to me today, too!...also my fave song!...

[castorgirl]

Thank you...

Take care of yourself

Sophie :)

[missdisorientated]

"all made up in my mind"

That's what I always get told.

[castorgirl]

It's frustrating isn't it...

Just try to be true to yourself and what you know.

Take care...

[castorgirl]

Hi

Yeah it is scary, but just hold onto that hope...

Take care

Sophie :)

[GwynniePennie]

Awesome video - simple and so straight-to-the-point.

In therapy for over a year - DX'd about 4 months ago. So mind-boggling and scary, yet I have hope. :)

Gwynn

(Indiana, USA)

[cheekyleopard]

I can relate to everything you have said .

:(

[castorgirl]

I'm sorry this is your struggle too.

Take the best care of yourself as you can...

Sophie :)

[cheekyleopard]

I can totally relate to the obsession with work and school. I think it was my minds way of dissociating from my feelings. Fill my head with facts and it stops me from feeling.

[castorgirl]

For us the obsession fed into the need to be perfect and invisible. It of course didn't work, but it's one of those things that you think will solve everything as a child.

You're right it does help stop the thinking and feeling, I now describe work as our best distraction technique :(

[cheekyleopard]

I think for me its been a positive way of coping, along with exercise. I think exercise was self harming.I did that much some days i could hardly walk! But in a sense im angry that i choose haelthier ways of coping as it didnt allow me to see that i even had a problem , or anyone else to see it.I wish id took more harmful ways then maybe i might of broken-down alot earlier in my life, and got the help i needed.

[castorgirl]

But you're getting the help now aye? That's what counts... In a perfect world nothing nasty would happen to children; in this world we do the best we with what we got.

Castorgirl...

[cheekyleopard]

Yes thats true.

I must of been a horrible dictator that was responsible for a million deaths in a former lifetime!

I try to rationalise why ive deserved all the stuff thats happened to me and thats about the most logical thing i can think of! lol

[castorgirl]

I often think that about myself too... then think that no one deserves what we've been through no matter how bad they were in a former life!

I'm not sure, but I think this one is tied to the whole idea that there is something bigger out there (whether that be a God or some other entity/being/belief) & that the human species has free will. IMHO, even if someone was hurt at some point, that doesn't mean they can 'even the score' by hurting someone else. They have free will to break that cycle!

[cheekyleopard]

I just hope things are evened out over a lifetime. I actually find what happened to me as a child easier to comprehend than how i got treated as an adult. I can understand how i couldnt ask for help and how it all happened. But as an adult no1 once asked me why i was doing the crazy things i was.The drink, the drugs , the debts, my behaviour. No1 asked if i was ok, or why i did the things i did. I was just a hurt child lashing out in an adults world.Makes me question people in general!

[castorgirl]

:) that's the key - that ability to question people and their motives :)

Not everyone is out to be nasty, but some people are. All we can do is learn from each encounter - the good and the bad.

Take care :)

Safe hugs if you want them :)

Sophie

[cheekyleopard]

Hi :-)

Yeah your right that is the key.I aint going to generalise i just know in my experience ive lacked teh ability to make a judgement on peoples motives and therefore defend myself.

Theres never been a grey area - its either been fully trust and open up or nothing !

Im hoping this changes - im not sure if any other survivors can relate to this?!

Thx for the hugs lol, :-)

[castorgirl]

Yup we can relate... We have the belief that all men are bad. We know good men who wouldn't hurt anyone, but still have this belief that all men are bad. It's a total contradiction, but the belief that all men are bad is distorted thinking from the childhood. We have proof it isn't true, but the belief endures.

We don't know the answers, but hope that with time & help those distortions & inaccurate generalisations can change & we'll start developing healthy relationships :)

Take care...

[cheekyleopard]

Another reason why i think its so hard being a survivor is this. We are all at diff stages of recovery , some arent at all.So to share things to sumeone else can be quite triggering for them.So at times we can be quite distant from even people who we can totally relate too.

Ive found this, especially since ive had emdr and started recovering memories.Suddenly im no longer a survivor, but also im not a recovered person. So i fit into neither.A very lonely journey.

[castorgirl]

I agree...

Take the best care you can of yourself :)

Sophie

[sunbeansnflowersluv]

Thanks This was a great video..

[castorgirl]

Thanks :)

This was one of our first attempts to try and understand why we are like we are...

Still trying to work it all out a year later :|

Take care

Sophie :)

[koalastephanie]

Nice video.

[castorgirl]

Thanks :)

Take care

[snakeeyesss11]

God Bless you :)

[castorgirl]

Dear snakeeyesss11,

We're not sure we believe in a God. It is an ongoing internal debate and I question our therapist, who is a non-demonational christian about the concept of a God often.

However, we thank you very much for your blessing and hope you are well.

Yours sincerely.

[castorgirl]

Good grief, that other reply was a bit heavy :)

We have "issues" with religion, but thank you for the blessing.

One of us really identifies with your videos which is why we subscribed. They like the "rawness" of them. Sorry that's the wrong word but as close to how they describe it as I can get.

Take care of yourself :)

Sophie

[snakeeyesss11]

Helo hunnie i what realy meant was take care and you know x:) Always here if you need ear tc Tony x

[castorgirl]

Hi ya Tony

No worries, I was just trying to soften the harshness of our first response :)

Take care

Sophie :)

[jesmalu]

hugs

[castorgirl]

Thank you... :)

Hugs back

Sophie

[reVerse2bfree]

You are so sane and accurate in conveying the effects if child abuse. It was like you were telling my story. I am reminded - we are not alone. We get stronger and grow stronger through telling our story. Thank you for that clip.

[castorgirl]

Hi :) We grow stronger through telling our stories in a safe environment. No matter how crazy it may seem you're never alone. There are always people who will listen and while they don't know what you've experienced, at least they will LISTEN.

Take care :)

[Annieh1315]

Making videos can be great therapy. You've got a lot of passion here. *Hugs*

[castorgirl]

Hi, thank you. At times I have myself convinced that I'm making it all up and the "perfect childhood" did happen. This was in response to that feeling. Take care :)

[lilahleena]

Nice video. The smile of this heart be yours when you loose your own and may courage continue to be yours.

[castorgirl]

Hi, thank you it's been a bad day and your words helped :) Take care...

[iheartsomeone88]

preeetty cool.. LOVED the music!! uh just kidding.. but it flowed well with the video

[castorgirl]

Hi and thanks... The music shows my age more than anything :)