Added: 3 years ago
From: DarkMatter2525
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  • Great "I told you" dance

  • 87 christians

  • baby jesus has a beard sor t of funny

  • a baby with a beard!?!?! EPIC

  • Thank God people didn't act that messed up back in the day. You can just see by this video how much more corrupt mankind has gotten in these last few years.

    Is there any doubt we are living in the last days?

    Blaspheme every where you look.

    God forgive them, forgive us all!

    Help us Father God to repent of this evil & turn fully back unto You.

    Praise the Name of Jesus Forever!!!!!!!!!!

  • @lewiss1100 I enjoyed reading your idiocracy

  • @lewiss1100 take your fairy tale somewhere else

  • Wow.

  • Joseph, you are NOT the father!

  • U know how the bible says that Kind David's decendant would be Jesus? Joeseph was his decendant, yet the bible claims that he's not Jesus's father . . .

  • The guy in the audience with the cardigan and glasses looks really out of place.

  • So I guess Jesus really is black......LMAO

  • You should do an episode about what Jesus actually looks like. I mean, it's not like he is actually white.

  • a little

  • who wants to come to Bennigans with me

  • @glitteraddict44 hell yeah

  • This is why I don't watch Maury...because damn it...this is exactly how every show goes...dumb-asses and all...

  • Who knew that God was so ghetto?

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  • Yeah it sounds like karsh kale during the joseph rant.../watch?v=ilcJTwE5lw0

  • Funny!!! Why is the music in the background Indian though?

    Sounds Like Karsh Kale... 

  • And thus one womens lie for cheating on her husband turned into the biggest religion on earth

  • Jesus was obviously born to be a true spartan, the full grown beard at birth attests to that. I also bet if you look under the blankets he's ripped.

  • Y'all don know me.........

  • Christopher Hitchens said it best. The laws of nature were suspended in your favor and in a way you approve or a Jewish minx telling a lie.

  • Yeah, I know you said in the annotation that this wasn't a racial thing, but damn that was the blackest sketch ever. Some stereotypes really hurt black people and this is one of them, makes them look like bloody morons (even the audience with their stupid over-acting responses).

  • @TornadoCreator Haha its sad but that really is the maury show in a nutshell

  • ...but he's not 9000% sure, therefore he must be the father!

  • you know if today a woman would say that she's a virgin who gave birth to the son of god she would be laughed at blamed and brought to a mental hospital...or she might get a few crazy fallowers and build a sect.

    impressive how a sect like this is now the biggest most common "religion" on earth.

    just a lot of brainwashed sheeps who believe in something don't make it come true..

  • @ArbrusMN It's even more funny if you remember that the same people who wouldn't believe her would be the same ones condemning the Jews who for some strange reason did not believe a hippie was the son of their lord.

  • ROFLMAO!! LOVE IT!!!!

  • Holy crap! I was laughing on the floor laughing at 6:00 xD

  • GOD took over!

  • I clicked like before I even saw it, I prophesied that it would be good.

  • Dear DarkMatter2525. Your work is good. The best of your efforts are clearly when you proof text your comedy with references to bible vereses. This is a must if your goal is to free minds. That said, when you have god dropping the f bomb, most devoted believers of bible are going to tune out and ignore your entire work. Perhaps you could do a PG version of some of these. I would love to send them out, but they are offensive enough that I know they will not get watched.

  • @vanyortie Thats a great idea, I actually think the same.

  • Think about this: If you were Mary giving Yahweh a blow job, would you swallow the Holy Seed?

  • Gosh, and Jupiter impregnated earth-girls, too and they had baby sons who were half men-half gods, too.

  • Heh, Mormon commercial right before this video played.

  • That creepy Mary, I would with great pride use pessimism on this: Mary ain't the mother of Jesus, she's a ghost and doesn't exist. Mary is creepy as fuck, an' we don't need any creepy people and creepy children with no honour, we need great smiles on our faces. A true Christian is an honour and is the person of Jesus, with pride (a virtue), great honour, and I hate children, the way they have no pride creeps me out, children are creepy, teenagers are creepy religious fucks, fuck them, b proud!

  • lol.

  • Lmao this has made my day

  • A perfect representation of the Maury Povich show. Especially with the "Whatever whatever whatever whatever whatever" part. Well done!

  • then 9 months later a baby popped out of the godamn pussy whahaha ahahaha xDDD LOOL from communist soviet russia xDDD

  • A bit more believable than the real story .

  • @1:13 Karsh Kale - Distance . That's a good song.

  • BWAHAHA!! That was funny. God's a rapist, and Mary had a bastard child out of wedlock. She should have been stoned to death, then we wouldn't have idiots coming to our doors asking if we give a flying fuck.

  • BWAHAHA!! That was funny. God's a rapist, and Mary had a bastard child out of wedlock. She should have been stoned to death, then we wouldn't have idiots coming to our doors asking if we give a flying fuck.

  • omg i remember this episode!

  • OK, HANDS DOWN.....this is OFFICIALLY the Funniest video i have Ever seen on Youtube. idk what else to say bout this darkmatter kid.....FUK IT, im subscribing! GREAT JOB DUDE. damn near thought i was watchin maury 4real!

  • She said Joseph is the father and shes a virgin? wait a sec ...

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  • I was like whaaaaa??

  • Had a hard time explaining to my boss why I was laughing so hard I cried the first time I watched this at my desk

  • How the hell did he voice all of this without constantly laughing his ass off.

  • @Badassdude1234 Haven't you heard of outtakes and deleted scenes? Probably had to rerecord millions of times!

  • @Badassdude1234 This is Take 83 lol

  • @Badassdude1234 How do you know there wasn't a massive amount of editing to remove the laughing?

  • If you Google "How old was Mary when she bore jesus?" she was TWELVE years old. Also she was "betrothed" to Joseph i.e not married yet! And, since giving birth breaks the Hymen (this is the definition of losing your virginity) she was NOT a virgin when she married Joseph.

    According to the bible a woman who loses her virginity before marrying should be stoned to death.

  • lol they always run back stage

  • @KnowImillian I'm not white, you know. But I'm also not ignorant or racist toward whites or anyone else...

    Nor am I a troll. :P

  • If people equate this behavior with a particular race, then it is THEY who are labeling that race, not DarkMatter. (Even if it happens to be their own race.) DarkMatter didn't say or imply any such thing. It wouldn't be possible to do a parody of the Maury show without including this moronic behavior.

  • MMMM.... Benigan's! And kids eat free Tuesdays!

  • @KnowImillian has it occured to you that Joseph appears to be white in the video? Or that there are tens of thousands of white guys who act just like Joesph did in the video? How is it racist against blacks to portray a white guy in a manner that white guys are known to behave?

    Contrary to what you might think, not all white guys listen to classical music, wear powdered wigs, drink tea, speak in posh accents, and eat straight cheese as a snack.

  • I aint got nothing on him.

  • I TOLD YOU!

  • dude your the shit now my kids can judge for themselves

  • hmm i feel like Bennigans now :D whatever that place is.

  • So let me get this straight: Joseph sounds like a complete buffoon, and you "politically correct" are accusing the maker of this video of making him sound "black"? Well, if you really believe that this is how a black person sounds like, then it is quite the accurate impersonation. If not, then it is YOU who hear a black man when what you should be hearing is an idiot.

  • @KnowImillian Read first annotation.

  • I'm Irish, whats that Bennigans place like, food looks pretty gotdam tasty

  • Dumb but couldn't stop watching.

  • 72 ppl are skank hoes

  • At the end there. . I think my kidney burst from laughter . . . oh fuck my sides

  • I know you said it wasn't about race, but most of the Maury guests are of a certian race and you made Joseph talk like a member of that species, too. Go figure, right? LMAO

  • love this shit!!!

  • Im MUSLIMS AND I FIND THIS IMPOSSIBLE NOT TO BE FUNNY!

  • 0:38 Am I the only one confused by the baby having a beard?

  • @MethanolCH3OH Yes because you obviously seem to be impossibly stuck on a single small animation detail in a comedy sketch.

  • @MethanolCH3OH That's just a funny detail :'D

  • Bennigans!

  • God copied off of ermacs fatality...

  • Holy shit. God is a total badass.

  • @Porkytool5 you know I thought someone would reply to me with a funny and witty remark. You're obviously not capable of that. :( XP

  • over done, no longer funny

  • All this could have been avoided if Mary got that abortion they agreed on.

  • @ATBINTC Because many atheist have certain problems against religion (and I would have to include me) That isnt necesarly hypocritical they arent discreting him actually they are discreting the belief in him

  • The Bennigan's commercial was a nice touch.

  • Why do their eyes look dilated?

  • @spucy maybe cuz its a fucking cartoon

  • Racist!

  • @jblev2 Oh cmon, that's how the show is

  • @TheRationalist76 Yeah, if you are a racist who is watching it!

  • @jblev2 it's not even racist, they aren't even only showing black people. racism is categorizing a certain race into a certain category ("all black people suck"). Displaying a certain attitude is not racist, maybe offensive, but not racist

  • @TheRationalist76 I saw black people in there, and we know what Maury is about and these shows, and he is making fun of black people who get up about this issue! Racist!

  • @jblev2 I saw white people in there too, is that also racist? or is racism only allowed to be toward other races aside from whites?

  • @TheRationalist76 White people have never been an oppressed minority so it doesn't matter if you say things like this to them; these things have been used against black people to oppress them and that is what makes it wrong.

  • @jblev2 This wasn't TO any Black people. It was using a modern culture (predominately Black and Latinos, yet many Whites are part of it to) in a way to make fun of Religion. Now the term Racism does not change because one group has been more oppressed in history then another.

    Racism-The belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race

    This was not grouping black people into a certain category. It shows that some people (all races) are like this

  • @TheRationalist76 This has nothing to do with modern society, and yes the term Racism changes when using it with which group depending on how that group has been represented.

  • @jblev2 It is not racist. If the people in the video didn't want to be made fun of, they probably shouldn't act like buffoons. He never puts all black people under a specific characteristic, he is only making fun of this certain culture containing predominately blacks and latinos, but there are also white people in the crowd. It isn't racist by definition, it is merely a way to make fun of a certain culture which acts a bit foolish if you ask me

  • @TheRationalist76 Maybe you are right, it is not racist, it is against culture. Whatever, you win.

  • @jblev2 Well don't be all down about it :D just make sure you cry "asshole!" instead of "Racist!" next time :P

  • @TheRationalist76 How about dumbshit, instead?

  • @jblev2 whatever floats your boat mate 

  • awww man that was some good shit... lol blue team is down!

  • LMFAO he was so happy! 

  • yall is going straight to hell, do not pass go do not collect 200 hunderd dollars, and with a sholarship wearing gasoline underwear, shit im going to hell for watching this,

  • @mayles15 There is no such thing as hell.

  • Joseph is Liar, They Was No DNA Test On That Time.........

  • I want to get down on my knees and start pleasing Jesus. I want to feel his salvation all over my face.

  • Baby Jesus has a beard! xD LMAO

  • to all bitching christians

    if we are made in gods image, then god has a sense of humour and he can take a joke.

    If not, humour is a sin, which would make hell the most awesome place ever

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  • @phattystu no the world isn't going to end. get over it and stop praying for the world to end.

  • 60 people thinks its easy being sleezy

  • love it... but i think your imitation was just TOO good. REALLY cant figure out why those shows are still on.

  • I don't think I've ever laughed that hard in my fuckin entire life.

  • Holy shit man. What does it take to get on that show as an audience member? ``Now can you jump and down and holler like a god damn chimp? D`uuuh,... yeugh!!!... Great another one, alright, here`s your ticket``

    Maury, the New Springer for dumb ass trashy teenage hoes who can`t keep their shit in their pants.

    Shit show man.

  • please explain why the sleeves are always like that in all your cartoons?

  • @darkmatter2525 You did everything perfectly i avidly watch Maury for laughs the only problem was Maury's voice otherwise you did it perfectly the over reaction of the guests them insulting each other and them using the term "I am 1000 per cent sure he is the baby daddy" And they call us Atheists evil most of them are damn avid church goers!

  • The Bennigans commercial was a nice touch.

  • L0LL00LLLLL

  • hahahahah damn basedgod

  • Relax GOD HATERS, U may not be Into GOD, but GOD is into you :-)

  • Now I'm hungry

    

  • Forgive me for quoting the video, but...

    I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU I TOLD YOU

  • the holy spirt overshowded her

  • That is just like what God would do.

  • @LegionIscariot LMAOOO

  • Wow! A Bennigans commercial! This is going way back

  • I find Africans who come here to study in Britain much smarter.

    Americans are dumber in general, including their Africans.

    I mean Neil De Grasse Tyson, astronomer, brilliant.

    And darkmatter2525 contemporary infidelguy, a prominent rationalist atheist, who's black.

    I too find a higher correlation of lame intelligence in blacks, but that's all it is.

    Take each person from any race as they come, let the dumb be dumb and let the smart be smart.

  • I have not laughed this much in a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time, haha.

  • @khanhogamir Especially when god came down!!! Highlarious!!!!

  • after watching this i can't help but wonder; how big could jesus' penis be?

  • That audio distortion makes my ears bleed.

  • I just came out to my mother, no not the gay thing and she told me no your not an athiest. Coming out that I was gay was much easier.

  • Darkmatter2525 I am a big fan but the reason that I thought this to be slightly racist is due to the fact that when the camera first scanned the crowd the majority of the audience members were loud-acting stereotypically portrayed black people. I saw the and enjoyed the jokes in this vid believe me lol but sum people are still 2 ignorant 2 not see this comedic video as an accurate portrayal of the AA race. Pls do me a fav, and annotate in the beg of the vid, that it is not racially driven.

  • @keythema Key phrase "the majority of black people that i've spoken to" Im sure that you have not spoken to more than 300 black people and contrary to your belief there are heck of lot more black folk than just that. Having an opinion be it ignorant or closer to the truth is one thing but taking that same opinion and stating it as fact is what leads to the increased division of culture and race. Also another inaccurate statement is that white people tend to have smaller penises, Wrong!

  • @keythema what the hell are you talking about? he used those clips because they're ACTUALLY clips from a maury episode.

  • It's not racist, this is how many black people behave, like animals, fact cannot equal racism as racism is based on opinion.

  • @TheDoomPig Wow, this comment is coming from an educated black woman that grew up in an awesome black community. I must reply to this by saying that that was one of the mos ignorant comments that I have read today. MOST black people dont act any particular way rather the black people that YOU find yourself surrounded by could fit some of the stereotypical media-driven mannerisms that you are now stating as fact. If you live in the ghetto, you will meet ghetto. Step out of your surroundings.

  • @keythema I just go by experience, majority of black people I have ever spoken to have been very unintelligent people. Also, there's enough video evidence in general to show that pretty much every Black seen on video acts pathetic. Not an ignorant comment, the truth hurts, for example, white people are naturally pussies, we're also way smaller in the downstaires department compared to black people. I call it how it is, not because I'm said to be racist.

  • @TheDoomPig Where did you get those statistics. Every black guy doesnt have a big penis nor does every white guy have a smaller one. Moreover, if white people were such pussies, why do they continue to have increased advantage in all areas of finance and economics etc? Again this is an example of you taking your opinion and stating it as fact.

  • @keythema You have to base everything on the average... it's not opinion, evidence of Black's being unintelligent is right there. Countries with a higher population of blacks have an overall lower average IQ, so work that one out. Everything has to be done by the average, we can't interview every single person of every race and religion, you go by the average. So not my comment was not racist, just fact.

  • @TheDoomPig

    There are million of blacks far smarter than you, millions who aren't.

    Generalising is pointless. I believe giving people a fair shot to demonstrate themselves individually.

  • @superhamzah85 You have to go by the average, I never said all blacks were dumb. I said the blacks there are behaving like animals, the majority of blacks that do go on Maury behave like animals.

  • @TheDoomPig

    The people there are reacting to events you havn't seen., you don't know the context, thid is an editted video remember.

  • @TheDoomPig

    Yeah because we all know every race that goes on Maury is an up right moral citizen that acts appropriatly. Thats why they are on a moral values show like Maury

  • @TheCaliCapitalist Moral family values.

  • @superhamzah85 Yes and the dumb ass ones are always the ones on Maury. Not one of them has had any proper education.

  • @TheDoomPig

    I also agree with your fact, but I bet you, there is a statistical correlation for being born in September and getting heart disease, 15% higher than people born in June.

    It's a fact, but utterly pointless.

  • @TheDoomPig What you mean Africa? Thats a country thats also full of Christians and witch burners and skinny ones at that. Does that mean all Africans are skinny witch burning Christians? No just an average in Africa but you don't take it as fact you take it as statistics. Yes it is fact a lot of black people can be fucking idiots but so can any race or any gender or any religion or any sexuality or any creed or any person of any homeland.

  • @yuo252 Africa's not a country. just thought i should let ya know :)

  • @TheDoomPig Also, I hope that in the future u will refrain from relying on the media to inform you about the different cultures or races because you will inevitably become socially handicapped due to an increased exposure to stereotypical drivel produced and packaged to entertain not inform. With that said, I dont write this to change your mind bcuz that wont happen here. I write this so that other uninformed people will think twice b4 they nod and agree to ur "racist"comment.

  • lol evacuate the city

  • lol 5,000% sure

  • brilliant

  • Meh... this type of talk shows are always the same... they drive me nuts >.<

  • Mary thought up the best/stupidest lie ever for cheating on her husband. Little did she know at the time that people would actually be dumb enough to believe it.

  • Atheists: We prefer to talk through mumbling lips apparently. Moving them are for fundementalists and squares! Jking, pretty funny. Though I have no idea why people consider THIS to be the number one offensive bible joke on their hitlist. Have they ever watched Family Guy? I mean Fox Five is where they get all their twisted pro-christian speeches from white haired republicans.

  • this is some funny shit!

  • german here, so, is this really how the people on this show behave?

  • @robertgaudlitz yes...unfortunately so....

  • Born with a beard. ...Oh...my god...Chuck Norris is Jesus.

  • hahh don't stop making Great vids

  • I lol'd so hard XD

  • how dare you make baby jesus with beard!?

    every1 knows only chuck norris was born with a beard!