Weapon of mAss destruction

[1701EarlGrey]

So if you consider Samson as superhero - he is strong strong enough and have enough feats - you should call him the amazing Donkey-man? ;

[1701EarlGrey]

So you seeing that if you consider Samson as superhero - he is strong strong enough and have enough feats - you should call him the amazing Donkey-man? ;)

[InternetDarkLord]

My question: How many times can you beat the jawbone of an ass against other objects before it breaks?

[kalsolarUK]

@InternetDarkLord lol, indeed - but then no doubt the believer would argue that it was imbued with some kind of godly strengthening after samson picked it up.

[itsjustameme]

Pick up a sword? What sword? These 1000 soldiers were armed with sponges and potatoguns.

[InternetDarkLord]

This story reminds me of those scenes in Lord of the Rings where one guy cuts down an army of orcs, even though they have distance weapons like arrows. Everyone has extremely bad aim.

[kalirastar]

You need to get your stuff on dvd. Seriously you are one of the funniest people on youtube. Hope to see more from you

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks for that, much appreciated! Hope to have some more stuff up soon.

[RadarKat73080]

Maybe they were related to the henchmen from the Bruce Lee movies and they attacked him one at a time.

[hugesinker]

More of these great Samson vids please.

[Winsucker]

Hm, he would probably be a really good football player.

(And no.. I liked LEGOs when i was little).

[CorndogMaker]

When I visualize this story I cant see it as something really happening,. I mean, 1000 men? 1000!? All I can do is picture Samson spinning around like the Tasmanian Devil and diving into the army, their bodies fly everywhere. Then the last three or so are like "oh crap he killed everybody? on his own!? what the hell? Lets get out of here!" and they start to run but thats when Samson spots em and tosses the jawbone like a boomerang and it flys by and kills the last of em as they are running away.

[whade62000]

Samson is the literal biblical equivalent of a superhero-he kills a lion with his bare hands, smites crowds "hip and thigh" single-handedly, has his power in his hair-that's another thing, others get their power straight from God but what I guess what God did was he looked at this John Rambo of a man and say hmm,maybe I've gone a bit over the edge with this one, I don't want them to call a Mary Sue on me, let's fix that and give him a seizable weakness-and even goes out with a Heroic Sacrifice.

[narutobuu321]

yeah. But the funniest thing about it, was that these weren't ordinary men. In fact they wielded swords that were incredibly heavy, shields that weight maybe about 30 lbs. The philistines trained their soldiers to be incredibly strong. For samson to take those guys out, heh...

It just makes you think of the power from the original source. Samson was only getting a portion. The power of God was so great that it shook the earth when Christ died! Imagine if he used his full power?

[whade62000]

He'd turn Super Saiyan?

[rockbu5ter]

Anyone watching this skit wish to have a Bible study on any of the subjects being parodied just send a reply. Thanks

[Norcator]

This is the funniest thing I've seen in weeks. I had trouble breathing from the moment you put up the picture of Bible-Hercules and his weapon of choise. Do believers even read their Bible?

You should do a video on Judges 1:19, unless you have done so already. Killing a thousand armed men with the jaw bone of a herbivore is one thing, but defeating God with iron chariots is in its own special class. It's no wonder he's not around anymore. He would get his ass kicked by squadron of mall cops.

[kalsolarUK]

thanks for the comment, it is indeed a crazy story - and lets face it there are plenty of them in the bible. I'll have to look up the one you mentioned about the iron chariots, I have read it, but its been quite a while so it could be worth refreshing my memory on.

[WeedOfCrime]

Here a solution that's bound to satisfy all the believers. The donkey's jawbone was, in fact, the fossilized jawbone of a Pleistocene donkey. It had long since mineralized and was as hard as rock (because, after a million years of fossilization, it was one).

[kalsolarUK]

ohno..you do realise that they will take your suggestion seriously! lol.

[AbbeyNormal]

Unless the jawbone came from some sort of Sampson-donkey, you'd think that it wouldn't last long enough to bludgeon that many guys, who are presumably wearing some kind of armor.

It really does sound like any tall tale, Paul Bunyon comes to mind. "He was fifty feet tall, and chopped down a million trees with just a hatchet!"

[smaakjeks]

And how would one kill a thousand men with any melee weapon?? Did they come at him one at a time, helmet off and bowing? If a thousand men surrounded him and simply fell against him, he would be squished by the sheer weight of them all. Plus it would cost a maximum of, like, 10 guys.

[kalsolarUK]

yes, its a ridiculous tale really - I mean, he'd literally have to be superman to defeat that many guys. And if he did have superman strength..then what the hell was he doing using a jawbone of a donkey?? Surely his hands would be perfectly adequate.

[battybuddy]

LOL!

Actually when you started with the Jawbone of Donkey stuff, I was thinking of him just hitting an adrenaline rush and not really "Thinking" anything. Just wildly smacking people with that damn jawbone. VERY funny video- thanks. :D

[kalsolarUK]

I suppose the old saying "All brawn and no brains" springs to mind here, lol - thanks for the comment!

[battybuddy]

Sorry this one's 3 weeks later, but I came up with another concept you forgot to mention...

Bone IS a tough material... but can it really survive being used against 1000 men? Even if you assume that he only had to hit each man once, thats a lot of damage done to the jawbone just through being smacked against the flesh, and equally hard bone of 1000 men.

[kalsolarUK]

yep, I think we're agreed here - it is utter nonsense this story - but then thats not much different to the majority of all bible stories.

[J43fan]

ok samson didnt need any weapon. did you read what he did? he took the doors from the gates of the city and walked a couple miles with them. this guy was strong

[kalsolarUK]

yeah..strong is one thing..beathing 1000 men with the Jawbone of a donkey is something else. I suppose god helped him again. Maybe he secretly tied all their shoelaces together when they werent looking.

[J43fan]

dude. read the line i posted. do you know how much city gates weighed?!?!?!?!?! thousands of pounds. this one (with the Bible taken as it says) isnt got anything on the Bible.

[kalsolarUK]

You really believe this superman nonsense just because its in a 2000 year old book? Scary.

[J43fan]

sorry but every view takes some faith.

[brothergood696]

um if you get hit in the head with a donkey jaw bone by a guy that strong your not gona live to talk about it i promise

[kalsolarUK]

indeed... but to then kill 999 more men with the same weapon is fairytale nonsense. That takes a position of faith that borders on the insane (in my view).

[AppleOrangeCherry1]

maybe those 1000 men were pygmies or maybe they were cowards,then again,maybe they were a bunch of cowardly pygmies :)))))

[Eldxale]

I once played Samson. I had recently gotten a haircut.

[kalsolarUK]

you should have saved having the cut until the night of performance, you would have had it cut for free then! lol.

[blackprince84]

talking about all the asses/donkies in the bible it could be just one enchanted ass who keeps turning up over and over.

[battybuddy]

A Jack(ass) of all trades?

[lazarushf]

Good one! xD

[RosieDesire]

You have to read it in the context of the WHOLE bible. You see, the jawbone came from the TALKING DONKEY. If that donkey could see angels and spit out verbage could you imagine the power it would have on your enemies. Enchanted jawbone indeed. Poor donkey.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, damn donkey's always stealing the lime-light in the bible!

[Error79]

There are talking donkeys in the Bible? Has it also Hobbits in it?

Oh wait... or was that in a other fantasy book?

[kalsolarUK]

yep, see my balaams donkey video for an explaination or indeed just go to the good book itself! (The book of Numbers)

[DeletedDelusion]

Which verse?

[kalsolarUK]

Book of Numbers 22:28 happy reading!!!

[DeletedDelusion]

Thank you.

[EvilZoe]

Sounds like he really had a bone for those guys.

[lamnaa]

At the time of writing donkey were equivalent to sports cars, horses were something only the military and super rich had like modern jets.

[athywren]

you have to understand, the drop rate of swords in those days wa very low - only something like 0.5% so mostly when these soldiers died, they only had a banana or a flask of water on them, and those who did have swords... well, they were alright but their stats didn't stand up to the Donkey's Jaw of +2 Bashing... simple (duh!)

[davidproper]

The jaw bone of a donkey is a fantastic weapon choice! While your enemies are staring at you like your a moronic retard for using a jaw bone of a donkey to fight with, you surprise them and bash their heads in! Fucking brilliant!

[kalsolarUK]

Lol, makes perfect sense to me! Damn, why do these simple observations seem to slip by me!

[davidproper]

The obvious is almost always overlooked. :)

[laffer35]

Good video as always :D

[lazymornings]

don't start or i'll twat ya,w'me donkey bone!!(or so me gals tell me,lol)!!!i am a god,hem hehe!!!!!

[pornoopel]

funny! ..had a good laff..thx :)

[Gisburne2000]

Terrific point about the sword! Maybe they were magic disappearing swords like the ones used in the Book of Mormon where there were millions of people fighting but not a single weapon found.

[kalsolarUK]

lol, yep..full of miraculous stuff these religeous texts. It never ceases to amaze me how the die-hard literalists seem to be able to switch off their logic chip so easily when it comes to religeous writings.

[Gisburne2000]

Samson reminds me of Desperate Dan. He probably ate Balaam's talking donkey in a pie before using the jaw bone. Has anyone noticed just how many donkey/ass stories there are in the Bible? They could make a movie just from those passages alone. They already did? Oh yeah, Shrek.

[Gihaal]

I laughed so hard after the part about the paper...

[favoritefood0]

Lol Wow....Nice video Kal! Always nice to hear the ridiculous stories of the bible.

[DeletedDelusion]

This is realy a very strange story, Samsons mental weakness seems to be as big as his physical strengh.

I don´t even see any symbolism that would make sense, accept a very simplistic and primitive warning to never trust a women.

[nadiaTeeze]

well.. they say use your weapon in battle you know it. Don't use an unknown weapon.. but a donkey jaw bone.. hmmm.

[nadiaTeeze]

attlia the hun

[GerardBlaize]

weird, i was like "that funny guy who reads bible bullshit hasnt been on in ages" then you posted that! =O pure coinsidence... or God??

[kalsolarUK]

God obviously..lol.

[brentaal666]

Loving your videos... Keep up the good work

[figmenttt]

Always entertaining.

[nozr138]

obviously the donkey died of anthrax.

[farvision]

You are puffing into the mike. I suggest moving

it further away. You're loud enough anyway.

[colleen3217]

Awesome! Great to see you back.

[kalsolarUK]

Thanks, I should have more from the bizarre life of Samson very soon

[Flyingkittycats]

Maybe it was the jaw of some mutated, plagued, vampire donkey. (You never know.)

That's the only way I can justify it.

[ReligionIsACrutch]

"Oooo jaw bone of a donkey! That's the one for me!"

I'm willing to be that whoever wrote that story came up with the line about making an ass of men before the rest of it and the only way to make it work was to have Samson kill 1,000 people with a jaw bone.

Common sense people!

[kalsolarUK]

Damn if only I had your insight into these things! hehe.

[CousinoMacul]

Come on, it's so obvious! He might have accidentally lopped off a lock of his own hair if he were wielding a sword or (for that matter) anything sharper than a jawbone of donkey.

[DeletedDelusion]

Good point LOL

[Philosophobia]

Funny stuff.

[Chance22011]

Hilarious as always! 5 stars!

[WizardJim]

1 versus 1000? Bah, happens all the time...in anime.

[CadicusTheDamned]

Don't forget about kung fu movies!

[kalsolarUK]

The Matrix:Reloaded springs to mind, lol.

[WizardJim]

it's called "kicking ass"! :-D

[kalsolarUK]

Always wondered where that phrase came from. lol.