Eddie Murphy - Raw - Marriage vs Leasing

[mpluck33]

HALF!!

[NightSord]

very confident man! and funny as shit!!

[Krazy3912]

I saw a pussy squirt once....but never any sparks flying. LOL

[HappyBunnyLOLRIPMJ]

-Where you gon be? -Imma be where im at lmao

[mrdancingmachine1984]

"HALF!"

[lorinec21]

"Okay" LOL



[2050miltons]

reall talk!!

[bobxyzp]

@wankstaz1 Stitches.

[Wolfanoz]

Marriage is a reason to legally take your shit in this day and age. Just a head's up. This bit still applies.

[briguitar12]

ah... HALF! >:D

[Patral521]

Eddie was a great comedian when he did stand up. You can hear Richard Pryor influence at 2:09

[tradedeficit]

"leasing the Pussy with the option to buy" hehehehe... priceless

[TheFreakinRican123]

Thumbs up if you're going to get a prenup before marriage after watching this.

[convictPKlol]

@TheFreakinRican123 what if you marry a rich widow who has more than you?

[TheFreakinRican123]

@convictPKlol I never said I would be the one to get a divorce. I'll stay with her forever. If she divorces me, though, I'm fucked unless I have my own financial security.

[makosoldier666]

pussy control !!!

[SerialYahooer]

Hell no. I'd fight for my stuff. I wouldn't share what I got myself. PRENUP!!

[27canavaro]

there wil never be a btr stand up guy ever

[DominicanLou]

I'ma be where I'm at!

[TensionManORG]

Aaahhh HAAALF!!!

[FillionDollarSmile]

Hahaha.. Now i know how he did the Voice of Norbits wife :) 6:44

[251to502]

"ok", lol

[mucocele]

it's like in my country, if you have a relationship with some one and you past 5 years with him or her and you brokeup with the person, you can be demand, tha law dictate that.. My Girlfriend in that time she broked with me after 8 years of relatationship and cheating too.. did i sue her, of course NOT! but i'm quiet sure she would do it if i was who make that.. it's about principles not heat of the moment.. i now it HURTS! but not to do that..

[maalaea]

prenup, prenup, prenup.

[khashy87]

Tom leykis or him?

[brranko]

this 12 was feminists :PPP

[PrincessSydney09]

If he liked it then he should've put a ring on it.

[Sabacouture]

12 people has just lost it

[chevyC10383]

leasing the pussy with option to buy.... u can loose half on trade in LMAO

[Tomfa0007]

Eddie is a god.

[tuckertwo]

11 people must have given up half.

[PromiserOfDeath]

I have to say i agree with @JDubs878! And Thats true American Women love the money but the Asian Women are Frugal They love Money more then american women They walk into a store thirty coupons thirty coupons then they do thirty different transactions just to get more coupons to save more money and you got thirty people behind her waiting! But also why take half when you can make it look like a accidental death and cash out? Guys Look out is the women crazy enough to kill you for your money? 

[dianeloraeya]

Try Latino brides in your area rockmycity.info

[ADADIKE]

what do u do?? i fuck my husband.... :)

[popyb3]

he talk fast as hell

[popyb3]

ha talk fast as hell

[tupacsomething69]

fkin genius

[berinaxaule]

Here online Asian wives Asian wives alone and try to chat her lushfmlk.info

[gunman5500]

Prenub!!!!!!

[gigantor21]

"Okay." -_-

LMAO

[draggeddownthehole]

Haha, I like his "chump" voice.

[Patral521]

What he said about Jap women is true

[tawkiusa]

for W2: I F#$& my husband LOL ))))))

[UltimateGoalOfLife]

This is the story of every man in the western world. Women unknowing how they have been brainwashed and lured to ruin the family and society. I urge every honorable man (women also but probably men would understand because of the pain they experience) never betray your man by never encouraging women to betray men by absolutely avoid luring, have relation, marrying or dating a married or divorce women and absolutely never to any mother. Give men a break. Stop encouraging men abuse and misandry.

[coledabull]

Eddie looked stressed when he said pussy isnt worth 150 million dollars Rofl!

[thuglife88888]

'ILL TAKE HALF HIS SHIT!!!' hahah

[bobxyzp]

My wife's Japanese, and let me tell you that timid thing's an act. Every time I make her angry she rips my balls off and stabs them into my chest.

[lean77back]

@bobxyzp damnnnnnnnnnnnnn

[smssuper]

@bobxyzp : this timidness thing isn't a pre-made into Japanese women,,,

BUT this timidness is actually made by a REAL JAPANESE MAN,,

AND ALSO timidness WILL VANISH IF U R A REAL WUSS BAG...

[BartvG88]

@bobxyzp Ooh that should be a fatality DLC in Mortal Kombat!

[arelius1971]

@bobxyzp - Sweet, you must really LOVE your wife !!!

[Kite197]

@bobxyzp

Some people pay extra for that you know.

[wankstaz1]

@bobxyzp so they just grow back every time?

[NexusDarkworld338]

@bobxyzp don't remind me...(crys in corner)

[NexusDarkworld338]

nexusdarkworld . com

for the newest fantasy novels

[SURFUR]

Notice when he impersonates the woman going "Right on! Get all the money you can, I'm glad she did! She was married to him, she deserved..." Every woman in the audience cheered loud. He was being sarcastic, the ladies still gave a standing ovation.

Frightening, isn't it? Cover your ass any way you can.

--Eddie Is God, Dane Youssef

[bnibouayasht]

if u like  it than u should have put aring onit

[13lackfriday]

HALF!!! HAHHAHAA!!!! fuck me dude, this guy was a fucking comedic genius before he ever voiced a stupidass furry animal for a kids movie

[robertrgn]

ok we dont need the contract lol fucking funny

[orwell2984]

"No pussy!"

[aliensareal]

*Half, i Take Half His Shit!*

[butsy17]

Whatever Tiger earned while they were together is what she should of gotten half of, not his entire savings which included money he earned well before they were maried.

[donhavrano]

who the hell was so stupid to put "negative" on this vid? Guess the "just-a-salad-woman" xD

[theblaquebaastid]

Hahahahah this is too funny..was JUST sayin this SAME shit on my facebook status lool

Even had one girl sayin she wouldn stop till she had every penny &he was a hep b ridden crack addict.. Now THATS comedy

[basten2]

"be careful b/c you lose half on the trade in." we need more comedians like this now who are funny and are genuinely trying to warn guys about shit. eddie shoots the shit straight.

[irkiIIer]

that would be so sad if this guy died im gonna be like 4:41 ok :(

[supaman2525]

i still have nightmares with the word "Half" lol

[ActaNonVerba71]

no pussy is worth a dollar. f-that. my money is my money.

[fiercenunbothered]

I'm gonna be where I'm at!!!

[gj804]

The most Elin should get is 20 mil. She only been married to Tiger for 6 years and she knew when she married a superstar that he probably had some chicks on the side.

[jchem]

You loose half on the trade-in LMAO!!!!!

[nubiancelestial]

This shit works both ways nowadays. I know a guy who has a degree in Art History. His fine ass wife is a doctor. He lives off her money. Apparently people who major in Art History don't make much money.

[calebbuddy]

One of the funniest comedy clips on marriage of all time! Keep in mind it's Eddie Murphey ;)

[4bird5]

not that i give a fuck about tiger woods but the nigga made his own money off his own skillz ,if shes leaving she should take all her own shit that she owns an begone fuck this shit bout her getting milloins what the fuck about her it aint like she cant get a job her ass aint laid up or nothing she cant work like anybody else

[JulysTanzanite]

LOL I have my rings and I still trip if my husband asks too many questions

[laxboy671]

this is so fucking true. unless they start out independently wealthy then taking half is fair IF your funds were combined.

[KJSPianoGoddess]

Imma be where Im at!! You dnt own me!! LOL. That sounds like something I would say. Hahhahaa.

[BabyG18]

can anyone tell me the time of when he talks about rick james?

[kimvaterra]

So fucking true!! But I'm glad that women are making money now too, cause there are guys out there that get HALF too, and some women pay child support, and alimony! Since they were the bread winner during the marriage...

[record1207]

Fuck that...Most women will make sure they get at least 60%+++++. Been there n done all that shit!!!

[4EPH]

go die in a hole record1207. biootch

[Blackjesus3]

MAN THIS IS SO FUNNNNY

[Sn0wninjai]

I just orderd like 3DvDs from Eddy never no he is doing stand up like this, im from germany we only know his movies but this is better than everything else!!

[foeasy16]

@Sn0wninjai

Arnt you guys in the Uk blackphobes haha lol

[Sn0wninjai]

Germany isnt in the uk?

[HarpoTheVillain]

Wait, what...? UK?

Let's make it simple foy you. Germany = the country the Nazis took over. The UK = tea, driving on the left side, scones, politeness and genius comedy.

Also, there's lots of black people in the UK. They've everywhere, and they're tolerated.

There's black people in Germany, too, and guess what? They're tolerated there, too! Why wouldn't they be? Sure, there'll always be racist scumbags here and there, but still.

[jez76]

@Sn0wninjai

You should get "Delirious" as well. - The prequel to "Raw".

[lean77back]

@Sn0wninjai omg i remember when i was a kid my older brothers and sisters were watchin i have the vhs for it but

i dont know what happen to it i am so happy i found it on youtube.

[mssmith692]

@Sn0wninjai he is always at his best

[MrJupiterMan]

Now we have 3 hundred million and 70 dollars. I want to do my share

haha.

[bheight1]

hey, i'm Johnny!! she was like "i kno who u are mutha fucca!!!!" lol

[0047124]

where you gonna be....imma be where im at!!!!! what a clown......

[0047124]

HALF!!!

[JP5466]

Took bad Eddie didn't take his own advice.

[supaman2525]

@JP5466 yea why did he past that up with mel b from the spice girls b/c that man is crazy and she's fine as hell and when that happen HALF!!! lol

[david14061986]

-now thats pussy control-

LMFAO

[ViciousVic26]

Im Alwayz Leasing The Pussy With An Option To Buy.

[ghettogurlmd]

now we have 300 million n $70....lol no pussy iz worth ........ id put da shit on layaway!!!!! naaa dnt worry eddie derez alot out dere rite ladiez!!!??

[JDubs878]

Tiger Woods should have watched Eddie Murphy Raw before he started cheating because now Elin wants half of all his money. HALF OF A BILLION!!! O_o

No fucking pussy is worth HALF A BILLION DOLLARS!! >:( What a money grubbing BITCH! Sure she deserves money, but you telling me she can't live on 50 or even a 100 million bucks?? WTF?

How GREEDY AND VINDICTIVE do you have to be to want to want to try for half his money?? Fuck woman, you won the lotto the day you married Tiger. DON'T BE GREEDY!

[joedec]

like eddy murphy said, love and money don't mix. especially if you're a celebrity

[realhiphop087]

this is why instead of cheating you have them go missing then find someone else =]

[racedemon89]

@JDubs878 the second i thought about that when i got home after reading that in the paper i thought of this instantly, its like the the fuck outta here

[jackhammer614]

and that bitch is gonna get every dime of it 2 just becuz they have kids and he fucked 10+ women hell yea their gonna suck that mufucker dry

[anonyms2196]

@JDubs878 lol true best thing is not to get married

[TheAussieKoala]

@JDubs878 He cheated on her with 15 girls i think she should have all of it

[JDubs878]

@TheAussieKoala

And that's why marriage sucks SO MUCH!! He fucked some girls, so what? Its not like he killed someone or something.

What if the situation were reversed and she fucked 15 guys? Would Tiger get all her money or even half of it? Of course not. That's why marriage is so fucking UNFAIR TO MEN!

[JP5466]

@JDubs878 Men should NEVER get married. That way you get to keep ALL your money without laws and courts in your business. Divorce is nothing more than legal theft. There are no benefits for a man to be married... not one.

[realhiphop087]

@JP5466 Thank god for porn?

[record1207]

@JP5466 Man that is telling it exacly right on!!!!

[jiangshulin]

@JDubs878

lol, Aggree 100%

[jcortizo187]

@JDubs878 Damn straight!

[kendrawhisp]

@JDubs878 he shouldnt have cheated... whats 500 million when you have 1 billion? It's all bullshit when you have that much money. I think half for public humiliation and heartbreak is reasonable, but it really doesn't mean shit to either of them.

[lifeXXrocks]

@JDubs878 hey id want to take half his money to if he'd cheated on me. I'd hate him!

Many people have been cheated on and they understand it HURTS

[JDubs878]

@lifeXXrocks

I understand that, but here's the thing. What if Elin cheated on Tiger, do you think Tiger would get half of her wealth? Of course not!

He'd keep his cash, but still probably have to pay child support even though it was Elin who did the cheating. That's how unfair it is for men when it comes to marriage.

Us dudes get NOTHING out of marriage while women like Elin who find a rich guy to marry just signed their check to easy street for probably the rest of their lives.

[realhiphop087]

@JDubs878 This is why you take the OJ method.

[Filamboy888]

@JDubs878 @JDubs878 This is too true, I think feminism has done alot to lead to the dissolution of the family structure; in some places upto 80% of divorces are filed by women, there was a case on the news where some guy won the lottery, his wife (who left him 10 years previously) then filed a lawsuit against him and WON $2 million. Can't believe the world we live in today.

[realhiphop087]

@lifeXXrocks I see greed more then justice in that argument.

[lifeXXrocks]

@realhiphop087

i see revenge in tiger and elin :)

[DreMurf313]

@JDubs878 thanks for that bit of info that is most definitely true.There is no love these days, only marriage for tons of money.

[shelltwin1]

Just as true today as it was then, there is nothing for a man to gain in a marriage!!!, divorce courts always favor women!!!

[tommyboomboom]

that so nearly happened to him with Mel B. hahaha

[supaman2525]

@tommyboomboom yup and shes fine as hell then she said "HALF"!!!!! that shit was over lol

[Ryancuasay]

brilliant!

[bboywon]

"you know...ah!.....HALF!" hahahahahaha

[CountIronMaggot]

haha that is gold !

[bigBANGsingularities]

bali, 7/7 and 9/11 were inside jobs

[07liberian]

Honestly Who Care!

[bigBANGsingularities]

Well, a lot of people care.

[khanm8]

HALF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hahahah im 23 and im walking around with a prenup in my pocket... just in case

[hyege]

u dnt even have to be maried now if ur together for 2yrs leaving together u can claim half wen u split lol

[usakindatheart1]

women make money NOW

and men take half of it too

my x took half, the sob

community property

he didn't do a DAMN thing to earn it

it goes both ways!!!

[Peachiko]

Sorry, that's what his cheating ass deserves. <_<; I mean, that's what Eddie is implying, "I don't need him, or his fat bitch" Ok then, lol xD

[HakiSEVAC]

Eddie you are the one and only KING !!!

[Anthonyg9]

Love 6:35. It ties in very well with Beyonce's notion that "if you like it, then you would've put a ring on it".

The whole "ownership" thing is very real in American dating & relationships.

[fuckthelocals]

RAW one of my top5 list of the best standups of all time!

[daplaymaker]

Lamar Odom should learn from this whenever his wife fucks up

[fuckthelocals]

Leasing the pussy, with the option to buy!!!

ROFL!

[BloodyCape200]

he meant everything he said and everything he said was correct.

[ujamaa4]

The best line of this whole segment of the show is "Geth the fuck out my face wit that BULLSHIT" lol. And he said it like he MEANT it too lol

[BEHAUTEPINK]

"OK..". lmbo

[ihsan1983]

he sounds like nutty professor...those voices are coming out ....LOL

[killinemfast]

its the same person... ur a fuckin idiot

[Sparrkle02]

HALF

ahahahahahhaha

[sparkyindahouse]

what a strange way to look at things

[07liberian]

"That's Pussy Control For Ya There" LOL

[blackcobra1981]

fill out the w-2 form, and if they ask what you do, just say I fuck my husband

[ANewNormalcy]

I'll bet there were some, uh, interesting conversations after the performance.

[showstopper98]

Hahaha this whole stand up was really funny. So was delirious. That was really really funny

[darkstack]

LOL "i'm gone be where i'm at!"

[MFHCFH]

"No pussy is worth 150 million dollars!" LMFAO!

[siddepoo]

"Leasing the pussy with an option to buy" hahahah soo true

[yaddymama]

ima be where Im at... LOL

[luiiboy]

This is the best Stand up ive seen in my life hahah Eddie Murphy the Best!

[fedupx5900]

@3:32

He said that american women are the most resourceful and the most business smart women on the planet. Then he touched his nose for no reason.

Actually there is a reason. He didn't believe what he just said.

[Nutsymton]

he had an itch

[fireshadowkyo]

or his nose itched, one of the two

[assman84604]

haha leasing the pussy, with the option to buy

[Rachshofner]

I will have to put that on my next W-2....

I fuck my husband...hahahahah LMAO

[ikissfutbol89]

the ends are meetin like a motha fucka

[DominicanLou]

I'ma be where I'm at!

[stonesmad]

Gold. But if he knew my ex-wife, it would be more like 90-20 instead of half.

[alvrez0409]

did you get 20 or your ex-wife?

[stonesmad]

That was a typo (even my math isn't that bad) 90-10 of course...and I got the 10, AND the pleasure of years of child support payments to boot. Now that was one overpriced pussy.

[pigeonhammer]

now we have 300 million and seventy dollars. HAHA! Lol I nearly pissed myself!

[Thedarkkatana]

that's exactly where he got me too !

[l337fpc]

What have you done for me lately?