Added: 3 years ago
From: XemVanAdams
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  • Cheating is cheating, Ima be pissed if I find out my lover is with anybody besides myself. I wouldnt call all DL brothers drowned and lost by any means, all though XEM is right some are. Most often I call them Bisexual. I dont approve of cheating. However, if someone dates men and women I dont feel they're obligated to explain their sexual desires to anybody. Most people, GAYS included dont understand attraction to both sexes so most Bisexual people dont bother explaining it.

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  • DL guys just need to be comfortable and except who they are and love themselves for being them. I have a video i just uploaded on my channel about this and it's sad in this day and age that many people can't fully express themselves.

  • And the openly gay men that sleep wit dl men are jst da same. Aint that much diq in da world.... Wake da hell up. Yall playn wit yall lives and health for a quick fuq nut boom bye. Mm mm mm smh, hell nah

  • Like he said: If ya sister or mother was datin a dl dude& called u on some shiit like dude jst gave her da package, how would YOU feel? Dl men arent lyn to gay men, yall know what yall dealin wit b4 yall bend da hell over& fuq em. They're lyn to da women because they wanna have they cake& eat it too. But on da contrary they're puttin ppl lives at risk that most likely wouldnt deal wit them if they knew what kinda lifestyle da man in question was livin... Dl dudes are selfish manipultive nymphos.

  • black people in America are so lost. 

  • some of what you say is true, but again your like err'body else judging DL people. That why I hate people who are out yo pettyman. But out nigga run to us DL nigga's. Once I meet a person I can tell if they out. I let them know u aint my type, as long as we are judge by out peeps i will not show no respect to them. They want to be respected but they dont respect other peep. P.S. Out niggas hide they HIV status. Go on BGCLive LOL.

  • i have a girlfriend that i love but i get oral sex from transexual but i am not gay

    the transexual had a sex change but i did not tell my girlfriend but

    i hate all faggots i hope the get aids

  • @blkmun86 you are a two-faced idiot...a hypocrite...

  • hate it luv it, the DL is here to stay!!! our black race has ruled out ever since time in memorial that being gay is not black so we are just follwing what the society wants us to do but at the same time doing what we feel we gotta do! every human being knows being gay or lesbian is just as normal as being a str8...DL has been there and is here to stay...most of our black dudes we don't feel comfortable being out otherwise we will loss our close hommies n family ties which are homphobic !!!!

  • @TheKoonig If having family ties or homeboys under a false pretense that you are "straight" is what you desire, by all means keep meeting guys on the internet /phone chat lines and hooking up in parks, strips, and truck stops. These undercover liaisons are what has contributed to an alarming rise in the cases of HIV. The reason is that people are generally more promiscuous and irresponsible during a quickie or one night stand rather than a healthy responsible relationship.

  • I find it sad that alot of out dudes judge dl niggas so badly, but they'll f**k you for some good dick. and yall kno im telling the truth. But when peeps judge an out dude they wanna pull that descrimination shyt. YOU cant have it both ways. If you dont wont a DL dude thats your bidness, I respect that. Cuz I dont want an out dude, to much drama. Be objective.

  • @aaronsofine1 That's the point! A DL man is only for some good dick and that's it; but wait; it's get better! Dick is only as good as the respect that comes along with it. The out dude's drama really stems from wanting the DL dude as a permanent fixture in his everyday daily life when all the DL dude wants is his one night fantasy fulfilled and back to his "pseudoheterosexual" life of dating women. marrying women, and having children. Assimilation as a "straight" seems to most important.

  • It is a really good thing to hear a man keeping it real and letting his voice be heard. :-)

  • You are so insightful. I have been telling my lady friends about down/low guys for a long, long time. I could have written the book myself, as you yourself could have written and made a fortune. You my brother, are wonderful.

  • DL homosexuality has nothing to do with condom usage or lack thereof...(wrong) your ranting sir... DL men are just following the social order. The only group that should be criticized are men who chose to carry on clandestine affairs, specifically unprotected intercourse. Men who are bisexual and chose not share the sexual preference with thier sexual should not be judged critically. Individuals should not be judged on the bases o thier appearence and image.

  • Xem, I respect your work on here and I think you are an outspoken articulate brotha that mean well, just thought I woud respond for those that have been placed unfairly.

  • However, let's not generalize and say that all dl men partiipate in unprotected sex and sleep with women

  • I think all people need to not be so quick to judge another person due to others not living the same way they live THEIR LIFE. I agree with the fact that fools that are having unprotected sex with others are infecting people. I don't believe in the sneaking around cheating when in a relationship, whether one is dl, openly gay or married. Cheating is cheating and passing around diseases is DISGUSTING and INCONSIDERATE of another's life..

  • Secondly, all DL men do not sleep with women. You can be DL and date dudes only. Every DL man does not have sex irresponsibly. Readers please realize that this is the same discrimination that is often brought on to openly gay males because of their preference to be openly gay. Now we have openly gay males discriminating or bad mouthing dl men bc they have a preference in how they choose to live their life.

  • Xem I typically feel like you make really good points but I must disagree with this vid. All DL parties were not accurately examined in this video. There was more generalization being done on your part which is often the case when speaking to openly gay men. First, it is important to know that many dl men date only guys that are dl, making it easier for them to be able to understand one another, this eliminates the friction that some of the openly gay men have with those that are dl.

  • This is For my Black gay brothers out there. I think we need this and this guy is great for YOU TUBE and for US.

  • totally agree

  • After reviewing your you tub. Blog. I realy agree with you 100% I use to date a DL. guy and it was notheing but PAIN in my LIfe. I hade faith in myself that i needed better and one day i will Have better. I Decide to think before asking for something. AS IN BECAREFUL FOR WHAT YOU ASK FOR. But most of all i am HAPPY WITH MYSELF BEING OPENLY GAY. AND I KNOW THAT THERE IS SOMEONE OUY THERE FOR ME. I wish there were more people like to to think about OThers. DESHAYEBLACKWELL@GMAIL.COM

  • amen.

  • your right! they need to be real with themselves

  • every partner should get tested. you practically can go to any clinic now and get tested for free... one night stands are nasty and not everybody thats gay, bi, participates in that madness.

  • dude please- deception is exercised by all men, DL, straight, gay, black, white, asian and mescans. black women and women in general should make a foo get tested before she accepts his dick. you sound stupid when you try to blame the DL man for ruining a community. people, all people, wake up. if you get played by a DL kat, that is your fault, not his. think a little people.

  • Dude shut up you on the dl

  • I think i just fell in love with you.Well said and much respect.

  • one of the best vids i have watched

  • wow man, you are a true visionary; I really agree with everything that your saying, and I wish more people knew about it ;)

  • Can anyone tell me who'se music this is in the background..Great Vid btw....

  • thanks for shareing that

  • Well spoken...and as an author, who writes a lot about male gay life, I will take this into major consideration. My next book, Miss Wayne and the Queens of DC, revolves totally around the lifestyle. This is awesome.

  • REAL TALK

  • Thank you for saying that. Many DL stories tend to focus on the straight guy....but you took a different approach. Thanks again.

  • Im loving this video and so real...because im really touch

  • How do you define Downlow is it the same as being discreet? after seeing this post i realise that i fall in the category of discreet. I dont date women though i still think about one day conforming to what society says is normal, that is the wife the kids and the white picket fence and that its so hard to get out of my mind. no one likes to be ostracized. it causes problems socially, in the work place and with your family. and often we end up lonely. i wouldnt recomend the gay life style at all

  • Trust me, I'm openly gay, being able 2 be who u truly r, is 100 times better than living a lie and hiding, if being black was a crime would u walk around wearing white paint? u r way 2 concerned about what other ppl think, life is 2 short, just b u. Honesty, I would never date your type, and I'm a dyme piece,  who wants 2 date some 1 who's ashamed? u r jailing yourself. Trust, u gain much power from walking through the fire, the looks, the stares, than hiding n a corner, own who u r!

  • That may work for you and all i can say is power to you. but my life is not that kind of party. Remember we are from different parts of the world and different cultures not everyone has your life. you said you wouldnt date guys like me all i can say to that is thats cool with me i cant hate on you for saying that. Everyone has their taste, i have mine and you have yours. we both know what works for ourselves. you should respect that

  • Hi, I didn't realize you are from another part of the world, where r u located? r u n the uk?, well I thought you were here in the usa, but I'm very aware that in third world countries, being gay can be hell on steroids. My apologies, I wish you the best whereever u r, everyone has 2 do what works for themselves, depending on where they r n the world.

  • i was going to sleep but i cam across this video and it's kinda sad because the music mostly lol but seriously i was just in a place a little town where the HIV rate was high all because downlow dudes who fought with this openly gay fem and fucked him with no condom later even with girlfriends and whatnots i had to get outta their.

    im going to sub not only are you a cutie you seem to be really smart.

  • Oh i didn't know you were gay o_o cool!!!

  • Exellent point of view of the DL man... it is so late.... just be u... Being u is what makes you the individual that you are!!!

  • Great perspective. Interestingly you spoke only of the DL with bisexual behavior, but there are other realms of DL. Moreover, this has existed far before we glamorized it in the media so we ought not think of this of some new phenomena. But I love your style, the emotions you evoke and harsh reality of living on the DL particularly as it impacts our communities and lives. Thanks, I got my eye on you...KC

  • Definitely on point, we have to separate our "in the moment feeling" from the true reality that currently exist, much props to this clip.

  • This was good speaking, you could almost be a motivational speaker or a teacher. Good discussion and good verbal skills-

  • who is the singer of the song playing in the background?

  • man i commend you .....cause i was once that girl!!!!!

  • I love all that you said. I am a 21 year old woman. At the age of 17, There was a rumor of my boyfriend sleeping with a man. To this day my exboyfriend denies it and in my heart i know he did. But I got tested for Hiv. Thank God it was negative. But that was my chance to leave and it turns out he does sleep around. I don't hate him but he didn't stop to think if he were hurting me.

  • THIS VIDEO IS DEEP.

  • why would this vid upset anyone, its the truth....if u got hit with the stone, it was meant for you....stop the lie's be real....

  • dude shut up.. why are you so concerned about how other peoples lives?.. get a life of your own..

  • we put wayyyy to much emphasis on WHO these men sleep with. cheating is cheating whether its a man or woman. DAMN!!!!

  • No its not!!!! Because HIV is running through our community quicker than ever and the main reason is because "DL" brothaz arent living there truth...That shit was cute in the late 90's for people now its just sad!!!!

  • Man you said a mouth full and i love that......

  • DUDE I LOVE THIS

  • Well Said.

  • TRUE,TRUE,TRUE!!!!

  • gay ethiopian man here gay and loving it.................gay pride in africa and gay pride in america black men in america.heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

  • nice vid i have a question i am 15 yrs old bisexual black male nd i kinda of like boys more than i lik gruls but i can still have sex wit a grul so it like am i really bi or gay will somebody tell me wat dey think cuz i am confused!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • wow, you're awesome. well-stated, well-argued. thanks for your honest and brave contribution to the gay black man discourse.

    DL may not be sexy argued that way. but you sure are! ;)

  • Gay black men need to wake up, yall need to stop killing yourselfs off and be role models for the next generation.

  • Its a sad reality but true.Now the thing is for every person that passes that opportunity to be with a DL guy, there is somebody else that wont. Honestly there are alot of gay men out there that just want to sleep around so it kinda fits their lifestyle. And to the women who are being cheated on by these DL brothers, they are the ones who should be more careful as to who they trust...I honestly feel that AIDS/HIV is the penalty for those who choose to be cheaters......

  • That is the STUPIDEST SHIT I have ever heard!!!! Most gay black me get HIV from inside there relationships!!!! As did I! No cheating, was very faithful!!!!!!! and i know alot of people like that!!! HIV comes from having unprotected sex...PERIOD!!!!!!

  • @Jaquarius2g4 Yes but he is talking about the risk DL men present. Of course unprotected sex and oral sex is the cause of HIV/AIDS.

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  • awesome videoooooooooooooooo speak the truth

  • tel the truth bro!

  • you go boy!

  • you can not really DATE a man on the DL, all you are doing is catering to him or really just teasing him, He is also teasing himself, because he is not living life to the fullest

  • so true...

    i think im going to break up with him right now!

    tks xem!

  • great video. well said.

  • love it

  • So true, I'm trying to escape that life now. Problem is if I leave the girl and date the guy, I loose everyone and everything close to me, but if I leave the guy and date the girl I continue suppressing these feelings, and living a rigid life. I feel for anyone going through this. :(

  • i think i saw u at the hippo like a week and a half ago we have to do video 2gether mr.

  • I like thee VID because once again your doing Xem and Being You, telling the truth, being real, telling It Like It is~ I agree, thats why i Stay On The safe side, My Mom Aint No FOOL n she aint raise 1~! cant say that bout POPs.LOL,j/k

  • Sorry I missed this... Thank you for putting this topic out there and being so real... I am so proud of you!!!

  • Sooo soo damn true DL niggaz be flip flopping between two different life style not even caring about the people or persons feelings that they are hurting I love the video

  • Actually anyone can be on the DL` even females can go on the down low with another woman! so dont rule out Gay women. Sadly the black Church has to many homophobis preachers sending negative messages` condemning men

    before they even speak with the man.

    The DL is nothing new its been here since the dawn of creation.

  • Gay or straight, this advice should ring true to everyone. I'm no conservative, but I have found out that promiscuity and infidelity may result in endless consequences. Ultimately, it is not worth it.

    My advice: if you would be ashamed to tell your parents, friends, or even a stranger about something (anything) or if your heart tells you not to - don't do it! This goes for adultery, theft, lying, or any other bad thing you can think of.

  • well said many women are victimized by their boyfriend, husband

  • very well said...thank you

  • Thank You.

  • I remember a female friend of mine said she perceived every man as a potential rapist. I guess the same could be said of men: perceive them all as on the DL until proven otherwise. Women need to stop being so naive. Homosexuals are not as discriminating as you think. They are just as promiscuous as heterosexual.

  • You are wise beyond your years. Well said and done :)

  • Damn good video... that's whassup.

  • DAMN NIGGA U ON IT

  • i agree wit u gay or not having a double life is selfish no matter how u put it. u should come 2 Steubenville and speek. Cause they call niggas even if they aint, all because they doin't treat getting pussy or because they aint on that bullshit.U are a good man, keep it up FAM.

  • yeah dis nigga is da truth! wish he was around a long time ago

  • i love the videos you provide on youtube there great keep up the good work!!!!!!!!!!!!!XEM

  • Thank You Xem! bin ther done that!

  • I'm feeling this message right here!

  • THANK YOU, XEM! Although it's not just about the guys who have a girl and have an affair with another man. It's the whole idea of not telling your public partner that you are cheating on them or even entertaining the thought of cheating on them, whether you are heterosexual, bisexual or homosexual. But I agree with your message, period. I don't like the thought of anyone having an affair on the DL, whether it be with the same sex or the opposite sex. I'm loving your videos and you can dance! lol

  • deep!!!! not a fantasy of mine anymore. thanx for opening up my eyes.

  • Damn! I think I'm in love with you. You spoke the truth young brotha. Nothing good can come from dating a dude on the DL. I was younger when that happened, around 22. Dude had me capped nice, but it wasn't real. Keep letting the people know.

  • This is so true! I hope you open up alot of people's eyes...Thanks Xem!!!!!!!

  • I think that the guy in this video is prolific speaker with a great understanding of human nature.I do however hate the fact that HIV transmission in Black women is always attributed to their men being on the dl. Why're bisexual men atacked with accusations of tryna spead AIDS through the community but the same is not said when a man cheats on his woman with another woman?Do you know how common it is for bruthas to pick up prostitutes and crackheads for quick no strings attached releases?I do.

  • I totally agree with you and I would like to add the fact that hordes of military men, politicians and your everyday male, travel overseas and have sex with foreign prostitutes and the likes BUT no one ever seems to tie HIV infection to these prototypes. Lets not forget about all of these hetero group sex & swinging parties that are sprouting up all over the place? If anyone is guilty of participating in one or all of these practices - YOU HAD BETTER CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!

  • why is the media so intrigued by the dl Black man? why do they find it so sexy? is it just the latest gimmick in an endless arsenal of weapons that they use to demonize Black men?

    Well what do they call white down low men?

    ---Just "white men".

    (because its the everyday white men that are really rampant with the shit)

  • thank you so much. i need that. I'AM ONE OF THOSE GAY GUYS WHO FINDS THAT DL MEN ARE INTRIGING. YOU'VE OPENED MY EYES

  • Im feeling that though cuz real talk its not about being DL its just that y should everybody know wat yall do behind closed doors we are still humans and men but SOCIETY hates us because of some of these dudes wanna be like girls n shit if niggas was to just b niggas n be cool society wouldnt hate us.Some boys make they voice high pitched n shit they be going over board n shit but if we all cum 2gether n we can just b regular men it wouldnt b no dl or niggas dieing from AIDS-WE WOULD BE LOVED

  • that's a copout. why not just let bruthaz be who they need to be and express themselves in the way that they need to for themselves? don't get me wrong---I understand completly the sentiments that you express and the place that they come from. however, isn't it the same thing as the brutha who says that "there's too much pussy out here to be pushing up on another nigga"? I say just do you and fuck what the next nigga is doing.

  • your videos are the truth. no doubt.

    keep it up my dude.

  • WOW! im an openly gay black young man, and to hear this made me feel so good, I never would have even thought of the females in my life when it comes to DL Brothas, but your so right its time we make sure that CLOTHES are in the CLOSETS not Black Men...and we (gay men) need to stop praising them like they're the shit, instead we need to MAN UP also and let them know what that the DOUBLE LIFE is not COOL at all!!!

  • he is so right tell it like it is lol :)

  • what song is that playing it sounds like john legend

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  • although i do not support the homosexual lifestyle in any way, truth is truth.. no matter who says it. I am a straight black man and this type of deception affects the black community as a whole. If a man wants to be gay that is his grown man business and is none of mine.. however, when these DL men run around their behavior has an effect on people who choose not to practice the gay lifestyle and that is not fair for any of us.

  • preach!! ahhh....

  • Men aren't suppose to show any sign of weakness in society. Espcially the black man. Who is precieved as a masculine figure in society, and as soon as that man labels himself Gay or Bisexural, it inflicts a centain lack of masculinity in him and our ego's get the best of us sometimes. But mostly it is used to shield ourselves from the bullets society gives us. Black men are already labeled black they dont want another label on their belt. And especially its one label you can hide from the world.

  • being "praised" in a demeaning way but i digress. Or maybe i should be ruthless and take a stab at your pride and say "Your trying to tell me that feminate man over there has bigger balls than you ! The same man you mock is more of a man then you'll ever be. Lost in shame and afraid of yourself, Man Up ! You can take a "nigga" in the street trying to disrespect you butyou cant state truths about yourself? Man Up! And maybe i'll take you seriously" But overall I think you hit the nail on the head

  • A good amount of men say it is not fair how a women can be open about her status and not have to worry about the same things they do, why is it so easy for us. And i reply with saying Thats Life. Nothing is easy in life. As a women we are continously discriminated against when it comes to our sexual ways of living. Dealing with terms just as you do. You get fag, We get slutt. Your easy break is being able to have sex with 3 women in one night and being praised and ours is coming out and also....

  • My views on this subject are simple. I am a proud Bi sexual woman who knows many homosexual men who are open about their status's. I mean unlike most of my sistahs i understand. I understand that it is not easy to be open about your sexual status as a man in this society and especially in the black communtity. The reaction could be fatal. But yet still, as i say to any man who feels that they can part take in this, Man Up. Period....

  • @keys33 - man up? no women, woman up- stop screwing until you get tested.

  • @AveolarD excuse me? What is that suppose to mean?

  • @keys33 - think- that's what it mean. women should make a brother get tested before sex and vice verse. tell me you are not that dumb!

  • @AveolarD Ok, I dont cyber tough guy ok, so do not disrespect me. And what are you talking about, I said nothing about blaming men on the down low for ruining the black community. I simply said its not easy to open up as a man on the down low to the black community because, out of most we are known for being very harsh towards them. When did I ever blame, I said man up as in be man enough to not part take in the DL when your married

  • @keys33 - two different issues. first if i offended you, i am sorry.. no question that a dl brother should communicate. no question, dl is wrong. don't wait for the dl brotha to speak up. you seem pretty on it, create a group of communication in the the community. deception is not only played out by sex. lying, cheating and other misleads are also not communicated. i'm just sayin, sistas be harder on your man. don't take his word. if there's nothing to hide, he will confess.

  • @AveolarD Oh ok, now I understand. We were on two different pages. But i do agree with, trust is lacking all together in these modern relationships, and the DL is another prime example of it.

  • @keys33 coo. this is the issue. there are DL brothas and DL gays. are they the same? maybe. usually a DL brotha loves his wife and he's straight. he just likes to creep wid another dude for a few other reasons. can't get a brotha pregnant. the azzhole is tighter than a vagina, makes sex better. he doesnt want to force his wife into anal sex. gay dl are brothas who do not want to come out of the closet and that is their right. swag is cool and it's an attraction.

  • You are amazing. One of the best videos I have seen, you are so smart!

  • Why don't we look at what causes black men to on the DL, THE BLACK CULTURE! All my friends are str8 and my fam would KILL me if they even thought I might swing that way. I'm attracted to both men and women, the same way someone str8 is attracted to white and black women. But I'm confused or in Denial for that. The real problem is black people have been taught self hate. Dark skin vs light skin, fat vs skinny, gay vs str8, fem vs masc, we've been taught 2 hate ourselves so much that it's sad.

  • He's right lol My profile on MySpace gets hit on by DL men, married or in a relationship, ALL THE TIME LOL I send the same message to all of them: A lecture on how I dont respect or support the continuation of closeted men!

    But you have to also understand that a lot of these women know their man is gay, but the much of the black community is under the false impression that being gay is a choice. These men and women are BORN not conditioned! You can not and will not change them!

  • You are so right it is not a choice

  • Heyy what's that song playing in the back??? I had to watch this again.... So powerful!!!

  • Wow!!!! You are so smart. I know you do public speaking. I don't even date DL men but if I did this def would make me see the light.... All of your topics are very deep... This one brought tears to my eyes....

  • Preach. Brotha--preach. From-a--sista. Thank you for getting "that" message out.

  • DL = DeniaL

  • wow, Until i saw this video I was More than Willing to SLeep with a Married Man. but Now I don't wnat them. thanks man for making me Realize what I was doing.

  • NOW THAT 100

  • SO HIv is DL guys fault, naw its flaming faggets who fuk errybdy, and plus, people who hate on DL WHy? its none of your buisness

  • YO ASS ON THE DL BAby u DROWNED AND LOST

  • as a black woman i love you my brother for being so honest

  • Dam You are speaking the truth man.

  • SPEAK BOI!!!!!

  • I liked your message. I just think the whole gay/bisexual/homo thing is kinda sad. I think of God, and how he is feeling right about now. How his children has let the lusts of their body and mind succumb to that which is honestly wicked. It is the reason for the demise. I hate that men lie about wanting to be with other men. If you think its okay in the dark, then it should be okay for you in the light.

  • YOu Betta speak!

  • Having been involved with two DL brothas recently,well I'm still involved with one of them-for seven years now,I totally agree with the message in this vid,DL brothas are the worst case scenario on the scene today,the denial,lies,and dishonesty fueled by the double lives that they live is just unbelievably dangerous.

  • The other thing I want to say is, there seems to be something more adverse by a man living a straight life who has sex with another man. If he had sex with another woman, he is not as much of a scum bag. But the fact is, he still is sleeping around and he still is unfaithful and still could just as easily contract some disease and take it home. We need to look at these men, all of them, for what they are INFIDELS whether gay or straight, DL or not.

  • I have a couple of different thought on this, and I may need to make two posts. I think that many people are DL because they are not aware of themselves. DL is just a small part of a much larger problem in these men lives. If you dug deeper in their lives, you might find that many of them are either confused or not secure with themselves. They may have things in their lives, other than their sexuality that are uncomfortable for them.

  • I agree!

  • I have a couple of different thought on this, and I may need to make two posts. I think that many people are DL because they are not aware of themselves. DL is just a small part of a much larger problem in these men lives. If you dug deeper in their lives, you might find that many of them are either confused or not secure with themselves. They may have things in their lives, other than their sexuality that are uncomfortable for them.

  • I must admit, you do speak the truth. But there are also some "DL" men that don't actually have sex with women. Some homosexual men only play the role of being straight but never take upon themselves to get sexually involved with females. I know this from first hand experience. Alot of assumptions have been made that categorize "DL" men just because of what (1) Author of (1) book did. Every story isn't the same, he decided to have sex with both men and women.

  • This is true as well

  • This is responsible talk. Period.

  • Yo I support you..Aint no substitute for the Truth..either it is or it isn't...You speake TRUTH..We need that.

  • Being a young black women who has openly male gay friends,"DL" brothas really disgust me. One, yes is it a risk for a woman as myself who wants a family and a man who is open and honest. Two, I love the gay community and support it 100%, but there's nothing I hate more than a man who bad mouth a gay man in public but will sleep with him QUICKLY behind close doors. I am so pleased to see that someone besides me & my female friends see that there is a issue with men on the "DL"

  • i actually hate the title "dl" becasue it sensationalizes the issue and takes us away from wat is the true focus:infedeity...all the things that females suffer from their men cheating with men, are eperienced when they cheat with women..ppl just hop on it bc of the same sex factor..the dl description groups the discrete men with the decietful men into 1 group and we will never begin to attack the things that are realy ailing our community

  • yes! i hav been the victim of that many times sis. a dl bruh will make an advance on u, and when u decline, an in a nice way, now u become his target. I h

  • More and more gays are coming out today than they did back in 1955. So why can't these "DL" men do the same? If you wanna be gay...cool. But don't lie, marry a woman, have children, and then SNEAK around with men. Or, if you wanna be BI, then what's wrong with letting a woman know UPFRONT that you're a switch-hitter? That way, the choice to accept it and be with you will be HERS, rather than forcing her into the situation.

  • If this subject doesn't apply tyou "Komisabe" then you shouldn't be offended, he hasn't accused "YOU" of anything! He's merely callieing attention to BS.There is a big difference between being "DL"(damn lame)and being discreet, being discreet normally doesn't involve, lying, cheating, hiding behind women ! Don't hate the messenger, hate the "game",the game that's killing the black community. Do not condone this "DL" B.S., fear, ignorance, deception and denial is rampant in our black community.

  • Um, I think you got me mixed up with someone else. I'm not a MAN who's "offended" by anything here. So I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

  • You should read the post carefully...are you "komisabe"? and I agree with your opinion, however 99% of the alleged bi men are not honest!

  • I read your post 3 times, and nothing in it suggest anything positive directed towards me. It appears you might have been talking to someone else, but you hit the reply button of the wrong person. It's cool. No hard feelings though.

  • If the Black Community does not speak out more about this DL lifestyle and how it is growing more and more,then what will be the future for our daughters? The days when young girls grow up and look forward to marrying a man and have that expectation that her husband at least wants her and not a man is fading away. The Black Community is getting hit hard by HIV/AIDS and we all know why,but we all want to be politically correct so we don't say it. We have run out of time,we have got to speak out.

  • Speak out against the DL lifestyle. See that's what i mean. Read my comment above. I am a masculine gay male. I don't go around spreading HIV. I'm negative and will keep it that way. I also let girls know i am gay. But even when i was "DL" i never had a fake girlfriend or wife. I was discreet, but also honest to myself. It's not about the DL. It's about the cheating. Am i the only one who sees that?