Ellen Degeneres Here & Now 7

[Alyn08]

Loved the final part. Get it, Ellen! :)

[kenyamcqueen]

oh my god this tripping part is so true

[sandraregina119]

she so funny :)

[BigOldMrKnish]

"somebody should put some orange cones. there's a pebble up ahead." xD

[Arihob]

20 people tripped and pretended to run

[737Trinity]

LMAO! Omg im in a library right now and i cant stop laughing

[Sherelyna2012]

hahahahahahahahahaha fucking funny shit or what!!!!

[dkhgr]

"RESPECT find out what it means to me RESPECT....hagkuhsd kifgiasdu......sock it to me sock it to me sock it to me!" hahahaha

[rtsproductionmanager]

I love how she basically procrastinated during the whole show. Procrastination was the overall theme and became the biggest and best joke she did the entire show.

[cooleogirl97]

-How she knows the 'Shoop' Song ....

Is Amazing <3

[ELML11]

20 people thought it was monkey hatchet

[Petsister]

she is TOO good.

[goddessspeaks79]

you're sooo funny!!!

[keleic]

i dont believe this! 20 dislikes! that is inhuman! 20!!!! not 1 not 2 20! WHY???!!!! who out there couyld possibly waste their time watching ellen and then just dislike the video?!

[tripplebeast]

my mouth hurts coz i was laughing so much

[arikabc]

I cannot find my EYE!!

[victorialazenby]

i just procrastinated by watching this entire 7 part comedy act. it did feel so right.

[adusia075]

'can you help me find my eye? ' she's awesome XD

[KINGofWORLDmj]

YOU TRIPPED!

[raccoonatac]

20 people dont have hammers

[FrownznSmilez]

R.E.S.P.E.C.T find out what it means to me! R.E.S.P.E.C.T (random mumbling) PCT SOCK IT TO ME SOCK IT TO ME. lmfaoo1 ♥ ellen

[kmillan98]

i can NOT find my eye!

[Hsmgirl97]

dat cha p.e.c.t ho! sock it to me sock it to me XD

[foreveroptimism]

I <3 ELLEN .

[imalgf713]

hahahaha. oh my is that blood? im bleeding hahaha. isnt that funny. hahaha

[scotchgirl11]

MONKEY HATCHET!!!!!

[chunkychugani]

20 people can go Screw themselves tripping

[yoitsbrennan]

20 people thought the dislike button was "dis I like."

[Eidolin]

after i watched this i was walking to junior high in the morning. it was like 7am and the streets were empty. i was really cheerful, and then i tripped on a pebble and oh my god i don't know why but it totally threw me off and got me paranoid that someone saw me xD for some reason it totally killed my confidence xD

[f60quisengdany]

AHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHA!

[ThisIsB0BProductions]

"You ever walk into a plate glass window?"

...why yes. Yes I have. At work actually.

2 things definitely did happen: pain and embarrassment.

[pinoymelchor]

"Im bleeding, hahaha, Isn't that funny..Im bleeding! Oh my, Can you help me find my eye?" HAHAHAHA Funny stuff!

[teathepinky]

i could watch this over and over again and it never gets old!! gotta love ellen! thanks for the upload!

[MrTjandcl]

She is BRILLIANT...it takes a very smart person to be that funny without being raunchy andto be SPOT ON about thier observations...lol. I love you, Ellen.

[sweetsoul1113]

Who Googled the lyrics to Respect after watching this? XD

[MrCory79]

Everytime I watch this I laugh so hard my stomach hurts lol Ellen is one of the most funnist comedian's I've ever seen or heard.

[weakvsfire]

i remember when i first saw this i thought it was so awesome that she managed to tie in why it was good to procrastinate

[Arneilla]

She's the only one who I could watch over and over, without getting bored.

[nwashington5]

8:38 is the best part!

[DINOMONSTERZ]

i think that song was writen for people that dont have hammers

[MCmimilamb247]

"I'm running.....and I'm done. That's all I needed."

OMG It amazes me how true it all is! I do that ALL THE TIME! And of course everyone just happens to be looking at me when it happens .. :P

[KewlStormy07]

"R-E-S-P-E-C-T...Jock ka ta ee see tee HO!" hahahaha

[bluevanities]

lol! in the song "RESPECT" i always thought it sounded like "take care of PCP." lol!

[BoredomMayApply]

i just got a six-pack from laughing xD

[zaqsway]

boogie on reggae woman 

[dragoncomunity]

did she just give a reason to procrastinate??

[IXvSakuravXI]

i love how this is like 7 years old yet we can still all relate to it. <3 Ellen. :)

[heidifoooo]

this is the best part of the entire here & now

[mary90201]

"My dog of 17 years just died"

"Awww you're kidding"

"No, as funny as that is, i'm not"

--Freakin love ellen.. So funny..

[alannailoveyou1]

i just cried for like 5 minutes, the tripping thing + the shiny door. too funny. <3

[CIBOYPRODUCTION]

I FOUND MY OWN LITTLE MONSTER JURAKAN THE LAST FEMALE VAMPIRE

[samsoto65]

"its so clean and shiny" hahah

[Nicol3ie]

"isnt that funny, ohh myyy...is that blood? HHAHAH." lol i love ellen!! her comedy is so classic.

[BrittStar15913]

20 people's eyes fell out

[sumdeepstuff]

Sounds like Jennifer Aniston laughing in an awkward moment. :P

[BLONDEBABII16]

what year did she actually have this show because I noticed she has a ring on but when I looked it up, it said it was in 2003. Is that true?

[xtremeski550]

What 19 "people" could dislike this?!

[free2flyken]

The eye thing makes me laugh so hard.....i have cried many times over it.

[cosg9531]

She has a few moments that are slightly amusing, however, overall, she's rather bland.

[Gleekedgal]

@cosg9531 so not true lol

[dangeroussuzie]

I can't find my EYE

HA HA HA HA

[S0NOTC00L]

19 people couldn't find the Like button... Can you help them find the Like button?

[musicalywhoo]

that was worth it all JUST for the last minute. Hilarious.

[CaLLi3064]

well just spend an hour going through this whole stand up..now thats procrastinating haha

[45T0N]

I love when she's reading the song.

[Nizwiz411]

Is that blood?

[brianmcfaden13]

funny much love u ellen

[shimmerpink4]

3:30 was my favorite part lol

[Sweet92Devil]

wish i could meet ellen someday, she seems like a gr8 person! ^_^

[brlaranjo]

Ellen is so AMAZING:)!!!!!!!!!!!! I have this on DVD, the box set

[Gleekedgal]

@brlaranjo I just ordered it, but I couldn't wait! I can see now that it's worth it!

[MrsLovettMyLoves]

does he have it?

why have i been singing monkey hatch it

lmaooo

[cutelilo8]

i keep watching this over and over and never get sick of it

[rubyruff94]

@bomberfun1 you disgust me.

[rubyruff94]

@bomberfun1 you disgust me.

[Crunchy68]

She looks so sweet and innocent. I always wish we could have met in jr. high, and maybe we would have been best friends.

She gives that impression.

[metalman895]

@bomberfun1 Haters gonna hate. I love you Ellen!!

[EeyoreGirl8]

@bomberfun1 wow reallly that's what you have to say about her? get a chromosome.

[metalman895]

@EeyoreGirl8 lol he's just jealous she got Porchia. XD

[scrappingmetal]

@4:36

[chris00145]

i love ellen god bless her this woman is a genius

[10cuddles]

I CAN'T FIND MY EYE

[DaAlzki7852]

LOL! " Its so clean and shiny!"

[StillOBSESSED]

"Can someone help me find my eye?"

LOL!

[a12bentm]

The woman is a genius.

[imcrazy85]

thats right sister

[robynrox707]

U R SOOO FUNNY ELLEN <3

[napkinshower]

i know she is a lesbian but....i have a crush on her. ha.

[Aiyuri100]

"I'm fine I just can't breathe"

[Jeffieboi]

Ow! I had to pause it cuz my stomach hurt from laughing! And now I have to poo...

[faithhancock04]

So funny, who hasn't pretended they didn't trip!

[ashtrayheart91]

you tripped!!!!

[minimooseization]

shoop de woop shoop de woop shoop de woop de shoop de woop

[rachel25lee]

LOL That sounded psychotic: "Ahahahaha, I lost my eye, hahahaha!" XD LOL Nice. Love it.

[meehee45]

that was the best stand up routine i've ever seen

the very fact that she related it all made my day

ellen...i love you, your jokes, philosophies, singing, and face

[o0SquidFeatures0o]

Wow. That was pretty cool. Now for the biology coursework... Arghhh...

[esse9]

i was meant to study for finals but.. im procrastinating now! here and now! hahaha thank u ellen.

[LassieTPC]

@esse9 you too? damn her for being so hilarious!

[DeceptiveSoul]

@esse9 Right here and now jacky boy

[KnanoMusic]

In memory of murphy?

[geekluvinskater]

Just watched all the clips, she is just hilarious!! So awesome :D

[narutolll]

Give me Ellen Degeneres Here & Now 8!!!

[walmi123]

i love the ending, i replay this just to wathc the end. its just epic rofl

[walmi123]

Her dance at the end is epic same with her voice rofl love u ellen <3

[LovinxoxoLife]

Ellen is the reason I procrastinated so much and am doing my homework on Sunday night.....while still watching her! :D Lol!

[Just8eatit]

She's so cool even when she defends the uncool she does it in a cool way, she's the voice of the under dog.

[relelo10]

" I lost an eye.. AHAHAHA!"

[EclairLovesSelGomez]

ellen degeneres and roseanne barr are the reason why i haven't done any homework this weekend.

[ro2n]

@EclairLovesSelGomez I have a paper to write for tomorrow and I was thinking of procrastination and I started looking up books on Amazon about it and how to do something about it and then I remembered this stand-up and I said "F it I'll just procrastinate a little bit more" my point: Damn she's right!

[JustAnotherX]

Ellen is like an oracle! ;-)

One could say that she predicted the whole case with the woman in Florida, shaving her pubes while driving. O.O

[rach0babe]

YOU TRIPPED!

[Roseforever84]

"Can you help me find my eye? I cannot find my eye!" LOL! I love Ellen!

[thewomaninthemoon]

The end was awesome!Who new Ellen was FUNKY!

[clementia101]

I love the way she laughed!

[sketchist09]

what.a.cute.laugh!! <3

[Tritano]

Thanks for this (and God bless Ellen Degeneres. I've always been a fan.)

[xtraflo]

I'd Do Her !

[Ashchethem]

It amazes me that she can say half the things she does with a straight face. XD

[meshorocks2011]

@Ashchethem your sooo rite even now if i was her (wish i wish ) i wuld lol soooooooooooooooooooooooooo hard

[TheFranzruss]

if some pipol dislike ellen in this vid..its just because..a person cant please everybody..

[MvyMkr]

I cannot find my eye..!

Possibly never laughed that much...actually hunched over in pain due to laughing!

[cainarrly]

does anyone know if theres just a link of her skit saying the monkey hatchet part???? thats my favorite part!

[vivapinataplayr]

procrastinate now, dont put it off

[FalafellFo]

i'd love to meet her

[StBarthelemy1572]

Are you telling me that 30000 people were too impatient and had to jump the part 6? Check the number of views! lol

[iamimmortalify]

wow. only 17 people didnt like this. How? shes fucking amazing? Its because she a lez right? dont lie. That may not be one of the only reasons. But its one of them. So times are changing. So are the people around you. If you think love is wrong...there must be somethign wrong with you,

[BlackPhenix69]

@iamimmortalify Hmmm plz dont accuse ppl of not liking her just cause she's a lez, some ppl just don't share the same sense of humor, it may be true, but by accusing them of that your just being as shallow as they are for not liking her. Don't get me wrong i fucking love Ellen, she's like my hero, but sometimes i tihnk the things she says aren't funny, and i can accept that some ppl may not like her sense of humor. Remember it takes all kinds to fill the world =)

[Ashigoh]

i have ADD & memory problems... and still remember lyrics from my favorite song :)

[OmgImSue]

@Ashigoh

yeah me too!

-high fives-

[Ashigoh]

@OmgImSue Niceee!! -high fives back- ;)

[wingsinchains]

Ahahahaha... ahahaha... can you help me find my eye? hahahaha... isn't that funny?

[ilyjoesphadam]

I can relate to EVERY WORD she is saying when I get hurt I do laugh along with the people that are there Lol, I always mess up on songs and sing the wrong words XD. I absolutley LOVE her to death.

[XxThereIsAGodxX]

It's so clean and shiny!

..I cannot find my eye!

[MJHJTR]

@ SuperPandas - i have actually been doing the exact same thing... and my homework is due tomoro morning...

[artexposition]

i love you Ellen. Your so funny.

[twilight12901]

the RESPECT song is so true

[funkylilmunkey5]

Ellen can definitely rap "Shoop" better than I can XD <3

[Qiuera91]

from 1:42 to 2:31!!! The BEST!!!!!!!!

[AnnyaMoon]

Great show!!

[CuddyWoolf]

Oh Jesus... cant stop laughing when she started with "urgh, I'm bleeding... oh my eye"... lol.

[claireflego]

Everybody needs a daily dose of Ellen <3

[mangafrek101]

@claireflego agreed one hundred fold!

[nicool722]

"there's a pebble up ahead!" lmao

[grl562]

if i get a low grade for not studying history..

saying i watched all seven parts of ellen stand up comedy is an acceptable and understandable excuse..

now i've just got to convince my teacher about that too..

[ZonaWildcat1188]

every joke she tells is something that has happened to each of us at some point, and that's why it's so damn funny. the tripping joke is SO applicable and something i have totally done, same with the automatic toilet bit...and just about everything else she says! she is amazing.

[Clitorisaurus]

I hope she's remembered more as a comedian than as a lesbian. She's very good.

[jhonnynotas]

@Clitorisaurus racist.. . shame on you!

[AniuLonewolf]

i'm running and. i'm. done.... that's all i needed

she is so awesome as she tells the truth!

[RJ18wa]

Just what I needed.

[sexylove123]

lmao always has me crying. so true and so funny!

[Blackthorne369]

"I cannot find my EYE! Hahaha!"

[Raspberryvoltage20]

this video is the shit it cracks me up so bad when she says there a pabble up ahead

[Curlicue102]

one time i rolled on a pencil in the hallway and tripped up the stairs

[jaxin280s]

Seriously hot hips at 9:17 -- she's got it all!

[Slikrik1212]

"Once you get a hammer you find you don't hammer as much as you think you would"...... Ha haaaaaa!!

[Viznel137]

She is great!

[narahip]

BAM!

[chopt50]

she's great!

[melissanicolex3]

ellen is amazing<3

i have had such a huge crush on her for like two years(:

[narahip]

@melissanicolex3

crush like ?????