Thank you Minotaur, for your patriotism, service to your country, and your razor sharp hooves used to disembowel countless threats to our wonderful nation.
The minotaur should be replaced and arrested. Why you ask?
This minotaur, the protector of the labyrinth, failed to keep a group of people ( Which have been guessed to be terrorists, due to their non white skin) from getting into OUR AMERICA. The minotaur is a danger to all of us! The least we can do Is run the minotaur out of his current job and arrest him on counts of terrorism!
@Shadow99052 So you would be willing to perpetuate and propogate the idiocy of the Bush administration, with the Patriot Act and the arresting and detaining of people without due process? Even enemy combatants have some due process under the Geneva Convention.
"even if the minotaur did act inappropriately, and i'm not saying it did, the united states cannot be held responsible for it's actions because it is a beastly minotaur and no chains can bind it."
I don't get it - this debate makes no sense It's not realistic and doesn't give any clever thoughts whatsoever. Why would you even have to discuss about all this, when obviously a poor minotaur - such as myself - should NOT be held kept in a prison. Especially not in the form of a maze. Haven't humans evolved enough from the times of Minos who decided to build the maze? It was thousands of years ago! Are you guys fucking insane?! Don't mess with the bull, or you get the horns!
@kurvos Well it's just for laughs luckily, but if you did want to try to see a message in it, I think I can see one. In the video one of them says what separates us from them is that we use a minotaur and they use a griffin. What would the message be? That we're both acting like assholes by using any means of torture whatsoever! Comparing one to the other is irrelevant because they're both horrible. Bottom line, Gitmo makes us just as bad as the "terrorists". And that's just my interpretation.
@burnrider2001 "Well it's just for laughs luckily".... OH, NO FUCKING SHIT?! I claimed myself to be a minotaur, you moron. Wasn't it obvious I was just messing around?! Are you kidding me??
@burnrider2001 "Oh no, I've made a fool out of myself! What should I do? I know - I'll act stupid so I get payback if he gets mad at me for it; therefor confusing him! Brilliant!"
This is a proof of your low intelligence level. You will just continue on this route because you have nothing else to come with; yet, you don't wanna stop answering my comments for whatever reason. Same goes for me? Not really; I'm trying to lecture you.
In the end even the Minotaur is not enough. To get the information we need, we as a country need to take the gloves off for good and release the Kraken.
OK I am gonna end the discussion here... Superman FAKED the back injury cause he was slackin it. The minotaur grows some killer dank, it was the red slime, NOT the green slime who spiked the punch. Cthulu was close friends with Tymothy Leary and had the hook up on the good stuff. With all that said. Morgan Freeman talks about science and Charlie Sheen speaks the truth. Did jesus build your hot rod? I dont think so.
This is absolutely outrageous. Does anybody recognise a pattern here? Back in '84, the Reagan Adminitration authorized the use of Centaurs to interrogate the Vietnamese P.O.Ws with very unsatisfying results. It was only after most of them were mauled or maimed, the Administration learned that Dumbeldoor had conspired with Capt. Jean Luc' Picard to stage the Titanic Scam.... WAKE UP PEOPLE!!
@Islandboyy02 Even earlier in WW2 captured Japanese soldiers were interrogated by Hydras and according to rumors, a basilisk. Mind you, I don't think this was completely uncalled for as you can only assume the Japanese would have unleashed Godzilla on us if they had developed nuclear technology first. We only used reptillian monsters to stop the proliferation and usage of reptillian monsters by less responsible countries like North Korea.
@TheDarkBlob Clearly I'm not because I know that the first letter in a sentence is capital, I'm is capital and has an apostrophe and "bout" has an "a" in front of it.
@ICE117649 Well when i say "is this comedy?" i mean like "this is not funny" i don't mean "omg is this for real???? D: " -.-' thought u ppl were smart enough to understand that
America, the idealists who founded you would be horrified at the use of mythological monsters on detainees. I am a Canadian: but when I found out my government deported one of its own citizens, knowing the country they were sending him to interrogated with three-headed dogs, I almost wished I wasn't. That fire-breathing, flesh-mangling Cerebus tore apart not just human limbs but the Canada I thought I knew.
Stop now, while you can still look your children in the eyes.
@dreamingpixles get your stories straight! It wasn't a fire-breathing monster, it was an ice-breathing one. The reason why it tortured people so much was because the government afterwards lit the people on fire to get the maximum amount of pain. Yeesh, I thought everyone knew that.
As a minotaur myself, I find this video offensive and upsetting. We minotaurs are being stereotyped as "brute and pea-brained" and monsters that have no true worth anywhere in the United States' workforce, but in a dark, damp labyrinth. Minotaurs, lest you forget, are capable in almost all areas of employment humans are. We are currently lacking jobs, and adding minotaurs to the labor force would improve such conditions. Hopefully the government does something about this issue soon. Good Day.
@megamantwelve This is the problem, these Minotaurs think they can hop over from the realms of fantasy, come here and steal our jobs. You let one in then you let them all in. It will end in them demanding equal rights. I say we should keep them in the never ending labyrinth of pain where they can be controlled and observed, or in gladiatorial combat with death-row prisoners for our amusement.
@Mortinium Hop over from the realms of fantasy? The only minotaurs I know of were either natural born American or a naturalized citizen emigrated from Crete! The latter earned his citizenship through a tour of duty in the US Marines! They pay taxes just like any other fantastic creature with a US social security number. They don't need to demand equal rights. They already EARNED them.
@Mortinium but thats so inhuman minotaurs feel as much as u do and the only reason why they are here is to have a better life u know what jobs they are stealing? the jobs u don't want to do all my nannies were Minotaurs when i was a kid they are no different than u and me and there for they deserve equal rights
@Mortinium It's narrow-minded people like you who are ruining this country. If it were up to you, trolls and goblins would still be using separate public bathrooms and gnomes wouldn't be allowed to eat in human only restaurants.
What you fail to realize is that these minotaurs are taking the jobs that humans don't want in the first place. Or do you want humans having to go back to patrolling labyrinths, fighting in arenas and working at Denny's? Ya, didn't think so.
@TheMors666 Agreed. And of course we even see the difference in efficacy in current events. Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld used minotaur torture to get dubious information and left us in a mess. At least Obama had the good sense to use proper intelligence analysts and certified scrying specialists. And he deployed a surgical strike with selkies, AND GOT THE JOB DONE.
Wtf? This can't be real. I thought that minotaurs became extinct way back in Ancient Greece or whatever. It's obviously a photoshopped picture! Wake up, sheeple!
@frostyking2323 Of course I'm kidding. I can see how you would think I was being serious though, considering how many people on youtube actually post comments like that.
this is just terrible. one more reason why everyone hates america. it's bad enough to water board, but to use a minotaur is inhumane. i'm writing a letter to my congressman to see who should be held accountable for this frightening lapse of judgement.
@MrKibbles2268 I'm not from America but the rest of the world likes Al Gore you know, Americas the only one who makes fun of him, i'm sure, My country doesn't, he's big on saving the environment, and we're the cleanest greenest country though, why doesn't america like him
@LendMeYourHand. But the DNA has to be compatible. You can't make a catdog because the DNA won't mix, the specific nucleotide coding can change traits, or mutations can bring out mismatches, but two whole strands can't interlink.
The abhorrent use of a minotaur just goes to show how inefficient our government really is. If we are serious about interrogating these inmates and saving money then we would hire a hydra. The more the terrorists fightback the more heads it grows allowing for great interrogation in a wider range of fields!
What am i missing here?? For all you fucks know, this could be a secret operation. The powers that be love to slip this shit in right in front of your eye's. As they feed off ignorance & fear. Minotaur Project. I mean come on, the shit they can do with DNA.
Don't tell anyone it's fake! ...On second thought, how stupid can some of you people be? Jesus Christ, please jump of a bridge so humanity can be rid of your retard genes.
@duckmanham Yes, but we can't exactly go and deprive the marines of their werewolf troops. That's just not good tactical sense, and it's good for morale having one of your platoon being able to turn into a nine foot furry killing machine...THAT'S ON YOUR SIDE. We don't want to take that kind of morale away from our troops!
I say again, we need nymphs to do the interrogation. We might even get a few defectors in the bargain.
Guess what. The minotaur isn't real. It's a metaphor. A metaphor is whenever you use on thing to mean another. I know it's confusing, but you'll get the hang of it.
@LaterMeansBrick Using teletubbies is going too far, sorry. The government should switch over to golems, since they'll obey any command unquestioningly.
@EltonvonCthulhu How about zombies? The old-school ones that just obey their voodoo masters. Not sure the military has that kind of necromantic support system, though.
@amishgonewild No. _The_ Minotaur is the misbegotten spawn of the Queen of Crete, cursed by the gods. The Minotaur is merely a cursed human being and it is quite real.
@jarheadkauai Oh cut Obama a break. The torture labyrinth was not only unconscionable, but the intel gained was dubious at best. And at least Obama deployed the USMC dragon airwings to Afghanistan where they were needed! What'd Rumsfeld do to our fighting mythological creatures? He buried the casualty reports of hundreds of merfolk which he deployed to the MIDDLE OF IRAQ, for crying out loud! How do you make THAT kind of tactical screwup?!
Oh, like how Jimmy Carter dissavowed all knowledge of the 1st Centaur Unit's actions in Iran during the Hostage Crisis? You liberals are all the same.
@jarheadkauai Oh right, all the same. I met the minotaur. He works for Blizzard now. Got out too late to be a character model, but he works in billing. Nice guy, really.
There's also a sizeable difference between disavowing troop actions and sending troops into terrain that's incompatible with their habitat!
And don't even get me started on how Bush gutted the Iraq military rather than using them. Oh that really pissed off the indigenous djinn. That's not politics, that's just stupid.
incompatible with their environment? They're centaurs how the hell were they expected to parachute into Tehran? Modern war isn't like the old beach landings with thousands of horse people. But when a Democrat messes up you just wanna forget about it. And the merfolk would be winning in Iraq if they're flippers weren't bound by insane rules of engagement.
@jarheadkauai I was talking about the merfolk. You know, it's hard to get them to march when "marching" involves feet they don't have. As far as the centaurs are concerned...use dragons to airlift them in. No radar signature, no engine noise. But we are getting way off topic here...
Look, you want to get terrorists to talk, and have zero torture involved? Nymphs. I guarantee you, they will have them spilling their guts, and we may even get a few defectors to our side as a bonus.
@jarheadkauai Dude...read back that statement. Satyr VIRGINS? Okay, even if metagenetics showed that there are male and female satyrs, finding a virgin is impossible.
Also, you ever seen a nymph go to work on a prisoner in interrogation? They may have been promised something...except there's a difference between something promised and something delivered.
Although it's likely you haven't seen nymphs go to work on a prisoner...not enough women are allowed into active combat roles.
Right when she said "vacuuming", someone started to vacuum in the other room. Is my mom Clifford Banes?
IWantAGreatName 8 hours ago
Minotaurs are real?
kennyzk27 11 hours ago
@flamingarse1 lol thanks for pointing out the obvios i wasnt sure where he got that ...jkjk all
SobingDeath 3 days ago
Thank you Minotaur, for your patriotism, service to your country, and your razor sharp hooves used to disembowel countless threats to our wonderful nation.
MidnightSummerRain 1 week ago 2
@InsertGr8Name Not only is your username epicly awesome, but so is your idea.
Punisherfan123 4 weeks ago
1:30 om nom nom nom
Punisherfan123 4 weeks ago
I want to see videos of the maze, to see terrorists squirm and scream in fear, running for their lives.
Punisherfan123 4 weeks ago
The minotaur isn't brutal! does anyone know what the FUCK those bitches put in the maze did to the soldiers they captured?
Punisherfan123 4 weeks ago
lmao!!!
Zetler 1 month ago in playlist Season 1
Will they meet diablo when they reached the center of the maze???
watanabe757 1 month ago
The minotaur should be replaced and arrested. Why you ask?
This minotaur, the protector of the labyrinth, failed to keep a group of people ( Which have been guessed to be terrorists, due to their non white skin) from getting into OUR AMERICA. The minotaur is a danger to all of us! The least we can do Is run the minotaur out of his current job and arrest him on counts of terrorism!
Shadow99052 2 months ago
@Shadow99052 So you would be willing to perpetuate and propogate the idiocy of the Bush administration, with the Patriot Act and the arresting and detaining of people without due process? Even enemy combatants have some due process under the Geneva Convention.
Chunkboi 1 month ago
hhahaha pause at 0:42 ur welcome and look at his finger
animalcop55 2 months ago in playlist More videos from TheOnion
Comment removed
animalcop55 2 months ago in playlist More videos from TheOnion
Seems Legit...
gamerxavier8 2 months ago
i love this
dwyImike 2 months ago
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why don't you just blame the minotaur...?
TheYouwontgetit 3 months ago
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These terrorists have important information vital to our security. I say, add a second minotaur :)
InsertGr8Name 3 months ago
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InsertGr8Name 3 months ago
0:30 hey its FDA commissioner Steve Hoyer. :D
GregRK7 3 months ago
"even if the minotaur did act inappropriately, and i'm not saying it did, the united states cannot be held responsible for it's actions because it is a beastly minotaur and no chains can bind it."
culvre 3 months ago
176 people had their spines added to the minotaur spine pine.
CrapTurret94 4 months ago
I think this has been illegal since the geneva convention.When will America stop?
MrSafetymeeting 4 months ago
It's completely unsubstantiated.
scorael 5 months ago 31
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@scorael Thank you for quoting the video because I'm deaf and can't hear what they're saying.
flamingarse1 1 week ago
frankly id rather suffer the wrath of the minotaur then listen to Rebecca black.
soccerdude120 5 months ago
the FDA guy!!!!!!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D
coolvidyos 5 months ago
Who the hell has time to put something like this together? Unless its a clip from some movie
razz0404 5 months ago
Hahaha, I fucking love the Onion!
burnrider2001 6 months ago
I don't get it - this debate makes no sense It's not realistic and doesn't give any clever thoughts whatsoever. Why would you even have to discuss about all this, when obviously a poor minotaur - such as myself - should NOT be held kept in a prison. Especially not in the form of a maze. Haven't humans evolved enough from the times of Minos who decided to build the maze? It was thousands of years ago! Are you guys fucking insane?! Don't mess with the bull, or you get the horns!
kurvos 6 months ago
@kurvos Well it's just for laughs luckily, but if you did want to try to see a message in it, I think I can see one. In the video one of them says what separates us from them is that we use a minotaur and they use a griffin. What would the message be? That we're both acting like assholes by using any means of torture whatsoever! Comparing one to the other is irrelevant because they're both horrible. Bottom line, Gitmo makes us just as bad as the "terrorists". And that's just my interpretation.
burnrider2001 6 months ago
@burnrider2001 "Well it's just for laughs luckily".... OH, NO FUCKING SHIT?! I claimed myself to be a minotaur, you moron. Wasn't it obvious I was just messing around?! Are you kidding me??
kurvos 6 months ago
@kurvos Nope, I really did think you were a mythical creature.
burnrider2001 6 months ago
@burnrider2001 "Oh no, I've made a fool out of myself! What should I do? I know - I'll act stupid so I get payback if he gets mad at me for it; therefor confusing him! Brilliant!"
This is a proof of your low intelligence level. You will just continue on this route because you have nothing else to come with; yet, you don't wanna stop answering my comments for whatever reason. Same goes for me? Not really; I'm trying to lecture you.
kurvos 5 months ago
I'm tempted to change my username to LooseCannonMinotaur.
moth7roop 6 months ago 4
Lol, Go minotaur lol!
74ryguy 6 months ago
In the end even the Minotaur is not enough. To get the information we need, we as a country need to take the gloves off for good and release the Kraken.
jayers2 6 months ago
@jayers2 HA!
Horticultural1 6 months ago
yay for torture
Grenademan1 6 months ago
Uhh, it's completely unsubstantiated...
apocl666 6 months ago
the comments are even more amusing :D
and1zero69 6 months ago
OK I am gonna end the discussion here... Superman FAKED the back injury cause he was slackin it. The minotaur grows some killer dank, it was the red slime, NOT the green slime who spiked the punch. Cthulu was close friends with Tymothy Leary and had the hook up on the good stuff. With all that said. Morgan Freeman talks about science and Charlie Sheen speaks the truth. Did jesus build your hot rod? I dont think so.
deadgamer42 6 months ago
This is NOT torture. It is ENHANCED INTERROGATION.
Grasslander 6 months ago 6
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Fine, so they'll take away the minotaur. Nothing in any convention prohibits the USA from releasing the Rancor, or our stockpile of Krakens.
jeffreyjackson1986 6 months ago
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jeffreyjackson1986 6 months ago
WHAT THE F**CK IS BUFFETING
zachonherface 6 months ago
Call me Conservative, but I see no reason to use Mythical Beasts for interrogation.
In my day, a burly man in a leather mask, wielding a red-hot poker, was all we needed to loosen a witch's tongue.
It worked then, and it'd work today. (And no costly endless labyrinths required.)
skeilak 6 months ago 8
We didn't use Cthulhu, so I don't see what they're complaining about. Besides, terrorism is worse than Nazi Germany and Imperial Japan combined.
Frisbieinstein 6 months ago
Bah in Bulgaria we use Wyverns that hover over our prisons and rip random inmates apart. You tanks are pussies!
NINJAinTIGHTS 6 months ago
This is absolutely outrageous. Does anybody recognise a pattern here? Back in '84, the Reagan Adminitration authorized the use of Centaurs to interrogate the Vietnamese P.O.Ws with very unsatisfying results. It was only after most of them were mauled or maimed, the Administration learned that Dumbeldoor had conspired with Capt. Jean Luc' Picard to stage the Titanic Scam.... WAKE UP PEOPLE!!
Islandboyy02 6 months ago 5
@Islandboyy02 Even earlier in WW2 captured Japanese soldiers were interrogated by Hydras and according to rumors, a basilisk. Mind you, I don't think this was completely uncalled for as you can only assume the Japanese would have unleashed Godzilla on us if they had developed nuclear technology first. We only used reptillian monsters to stop the proliferation and usage of reptillian monsters by less responsible countries like North Korea.
CopyRezo36 6 months ago
i love this!
malesaosborn2709 6 months ago
i wish...i wish soooooo much to live in this abstrakt world these proggram lives in
ThePixeLLover 6 months ago
I believe this is making fun of the stupid argument about whether the US policy of "waterboarding" people is a form of torture or not....
GeneralMayhem333 7 months ago
L...O...L....rofl
DemangoProductions 7 months ago
1:34-1:51 Insert Bush whenever they say minotaur. Double entendre?
totalbliss1 7 months ago
Always wondered if Bush was an actual minotaur disguised as a human...now I have my proof.
totalbliss1 7 months ago
"who's spines were added to his spine pile" :O
survivormarcus 7 months ago
is this comedy...?
TheDarkBlob 7 months ago
@TheDarkBlob Nope. Its 100% real. Not a single thing fake or humorous about it.
megamantwelve 7 months ago
@megamantwelve hahahaaaaaaaaa,na bt i meant,it's not really that funny...just th thing that it's a minotaur...dammit...
TheDarkBlob 7 months ago
@TheDarkBlob Are you stupid...?
LuniaVideo 7 months ago
@LuniaVideo yea,im pretty retarded... wt bout u my friend?
TheDarkBlob 7 months ago
@TheDarkBlob Clearly I'm not because I know that the first letter in a sentence is capital, I'm is capital and has an apostrophe and "bout" has an "a" in front of it.
LuniaVideo 7 months ago
@LuniaVideo well im not and English speaker..dammit i live in Finland. Before u start complaining about my english maybe u shoul look up some facts!
TheDarkBlob 7 months ago
@LuniaVideo neither do i think of spelling when im commenting on freakin utub vids, who cares about spelling? u understand what i say!
TheDarkBlob 7 months ago
@LuniaVideo y u mad?
XxStrangers21xX 7 months ago
@TheDarkBlob
WTF? are you dumb? Of course it's not!
ICE117649 7 months ago
@ICE117649 Well when i say "is this comedy?" i mean like "this is not funny" i don't mean "omg is this for real???? D: " -.-' thought u ppl were smart enough to understand that
TheDarkBlob 7 months ago
@TheDarkBlob
How can anyone understaind what are you thinking?
ICE117649 7 months ago
@ICE117649 it's a public thought
TheDarkBlob 7 months ago
The etchings actually make the minotaur look kinda' cute and cuddly.
soulinthewall77 7 months ago
I BLAME DAEDALUS!!!!
leivadaros 7 months ago
America, the idealists who founded you would be horrified at the use of mythological monsters on detainees. I am a Canadian: but when I found out my government deported one of its own citizens, knowing the country they were sending him to interrogated with three-headed dogs, I almost wished I wasn't. That fire-breathing, flesh-mangling Cerebus tore apart not just human limbs but the Canada I thought I knew.
Stop now, while you can still look your children in the eyes.
dreamingpixles 7 months ago
@dreamingpixles get your stories straight! It wasn't a fire-breathing monster, it was an ice-breathing one. The reason why it tortured people so much was because the government afterwards lit the people on fire to get the maximum amount of pain. Yeesh, I thought everyone knew that.
CyberBlastoise 7 months ago
is that even real?
MrMascondroedan 7 months ago
Coal is the bedrock and pay dirt of my food pyramid.
parsjp 7 months ago
As a minotaur myself, I find this video offensive and upsetting. We minotaurs are being stereotyped as "brute and pea-brained" and monsters that have no true worth anywhere in the United States' workforce, but in a dark, damp labyrinth. Minotaurs, lest you forget, are capable in almost all areas of employment humans are. We are currently lacking jobs, and adding minotaurs to the labor force would improve such conditions. Hopefully the government does something about this issue soon. Good Day.
megamantwelve 7 months ago 153
@megamantwelve I'm laughing so hard right now!
thesacredyew 5 months ago
@megamantwelve This is the problem, these Minotaurs think they can hop over from the realms of fantasy, come here and steal our jobs. You let one in then you let them all in. It will end in them demanding equal rights. I say we should keep them in the never ending labyrinth of pain where they can be controlled and observed, or in gladiatorial combat with death-row prisoners for our amusement.
Mortinium 5 months ago 52
@Mortinium Hop over from the realms of fantasy? The only minotaurs I know of were either natural born American or a naturalized citizen emigrated from Crete! The latter earned his citizenship through a tour of duty in the US Marines! They pay taxes just like any other fantastic creature with a US social security number. They don't need to demand equal rights. They already EARNED them.
Chunkboi 5 months ago 3
@Mortinium but thats so inhuman minotaurs feel as much as u do and the only reason why they are here is to have a better life u know what jobs they are stealing? the jobs u don't want to do all my nannies were Minotaurs when i was a kid they are no different than u and me and there for they deserve equal rights
jackthayer 2 months ago
@Mortinium THEY TOOK OUR JOBS!!!!
MrHam976 2 months ago
@MrHam976 DERKA DURR! D:<
AdmiralBetas 1 month ago in playlist Season 1
@Mortinium Fuck you, my dad is a Minotaur!
TalentedOrangeTv 3 weeks ago 3
@Mortinium It's narrow-minded people like you who are ruining this country. If it were up to you, trolls and goblins would still be using separate public bathrooms and gnomes wouldn't be allowed to eat in human only restaurants.
What you fail to realize is that these minotaurs are taking the jobs that humans don't want in the first place. Or do you want humans having to go back to patrolling labyrinths, fighting in arenas and working at Denny's? Ya, didn't think so.
TheMors666 1 day ago
@TheMors666 Agreed. And of course we even see the difference in efficacy in current events. Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld used minotaur torture to get dubious information and left us in a mess. At least Obama had the good sense to use proper intelligence analysts and certified scrying specialists. And he deployed a surgical strike with selkies, AND GOT THE JOB DONE.
Chunkboi 11 hours ago
@megamantwelve Hey, chill out, I know one Minotaur who works billing at an MMO company, and another in loss prevention. Idiots do not do well in LP.
Chunkboi 5 months ago
Well of course the minotaur's justified we have to find out if they're really harbouring a kraggen
ilpd2001 7 months ago 2
Wtf? This can't be real. I thought that minotaurs became extinct way back in Ancient Greece or whatever. It's obviously a photoshopped picture! Wake up, sheeple!
nothing980454 8 months ago 4
@nothing980454 That's what most of the news want you to believe.
Wake up and listen to the only real news, The Onion News Network.
Monxy100 7 months ago 2
@nothing980454 your kidding .....right?
frostyking2323 7 months ago
@frostyking2323 Of course I'm kidding. I can see how you would think I was being serious though, considering how many people on youtube actually post comments like that.
nothing980454 7 months ago
rofl at the geneva convention prohibiting "bovine monster etc." lol
IcyScythe 8 months ago
I remember reading about an agreement dealing with bovine creatures in the Geneva Convention.
Russelcrewe 8 months ago
@realskpetic haha
wizard101personguy99 8 months ago
Chopping off the hydra's heads and feeding them to starving people can solve world hunger.
BBradshawProductions 8 months ago 4
we could use griffins but we don't use griffins...i think that's what separates us from them....LMAO!!! this is AWESOME!!!
JNS033 8 months ago 3
lmao!!!!!!!!!
JNS033 8 months ago
Obama used the minotaur known as Hillary and he was able to get Bin Laden
MrTimalex1 8 months ago
since 1896?? LOL
wizard101personguy99 8 months ago 2
so in 1896, newspapers were the ancient internet?
Anynomousman 8 months ago
Love how there's always one panelist who makes sense, but gets pummelled by the others. :)
WeirdBrainGoo 8 months ago 48
this is just terrible. one more reason why everyone hates america. it's bad enough to water board, but to use a minotaur is inhumane. i'm writing a letter to my congressman to see who should be held accountable for this frightening lapse of judgement.
i000110001100 8 months ago
@i000110001100 :-))))))))
JNS033 8 months ago
TROLL!
guyonpc 8 months ago
since 1896?
bananacreamcookii 8 months ago
these guys are hilarious
mgs4isepic 9 months ago
I think that the minotaur represents Al Gore
MrKibbles2268 9 months ago
@MrKibbles2268 I'm not from America but the rest of the world likes Al Gore you know, Americas the only one who makes fun of him, i'm sure, My country doesn't, he's big on saving the environment, and we're the cleanest greenest country though, why doesn't america like him
Snowboarding182 8 months ago
im amazed no 40iq people took this seriously like they take every other onion video
YourRoadToHell 9 months ago
Banes should turn the vacuum off and join the discussion.
OMFTori 9 months ago
The pictures of the Minotaur are clearly photoshopped. He is much more terrifying than that, it is government probaganda.
Andy32268 9 months ago
@LendMeYourHand. But the DNA has to be compatible. You can't make a catdog because the DNA won't mix, the specific nucleotide coding can change traits, or mutations can bring out mismatches, but two whole strands can't interlink.
YumeNoMatsuri 9 months ago
@YumeNoMatsuri
Never mind the fact that the diploid numbers are different meaning that any offspring would be infertile as all sperm/eggs contain half a chromosome.
sp0nge1337 9 months ago
Funniest ending ever.
ani451 9 months ago
God thats terrible! I had no idea we used that form of torture?
TaKruew 9 months ago
god damn Clifford Banes always missing
bluewilbur 9 months ago 2
The abhorrent use of a minotaur just goes to show how inefficient our government really is. If we are serious about interrogating these inmates and saving money then we would hire a hydra. The more the terrorists fightback the more heads it grows allowing for great interrogation in a wider range of fields!
MeMbErOfZiT 9 months ago 4
@MeMbErOfZiT ROFL!!
IcyScythe 8 months ago
Perhaps a better alternative would be to just feed detainees to the Sarlacc.
Prometheus722 9 months ago
What am i missing here?? For all you fucks know, this could be a secret operation. The powers that be love to slip this shit in right in front of your eye's. As they feed off ignorance & fear. Minotaur Project. I mean come on, the shit they can do with DNA.
LendMeYourHand 9 months ago
why cant all news be like this?
jesusmetal92107 9 months ago
' we could use griffins.. but we dont use griffins... and thats what separates us from them.' LOL
savethemangos 9 months ago
Don't tell anyone it's fake! ...On second thought, how stupid can some of you people be? Jesus Christ, please jump of a bridge so humanity can be rid of your retard genes.
thecheeze9001 9 months ago
Completely unsubstantiated.
SaltOfTheEarth76631 9 months ago
Eum... What the hell is this?
FinalFantasyHQ 10 months ago
@FinalFantasyHQ ITS THE ONION!!
idrivefast235 9 months ago
If we start using Minotaurs,how can we claim to be any better than the Drow?
athenasatanjesus 10 months ago 26
@athenasatanjesus So now you're racist against purple people? Please, we're far past those times.
What we need to do is bring forth the Shapeshifters. They're great for extracting information without psychologically scarring our prisoners!
duckmanham 9 months ago
@duckmanham Yes, but we can't exactly go and deprive the marines of their werewolf troops. That's just not good tactical sense, and it's good for morale having one of your platoon being able to turn into a nine foot furry killing machine...THAT'S ON YOUR SIDE. We don't want to take that kind of morale away from our troops!
I say again, we need nymphs to do the interrogation. We might even get a few defectors in the bargain.
Chunkboi 8 months ago
@Chunkboi LMAO!!!:-))
JNS033 8 months ago
@Chunkboi hahaha yes we should definitely use nymphs to interrogate the sexually repressed, horny as hell "enemy combatants" we pick up ;).
IcyScythe 8 months ago
@athenasatanjesus
At least we'll still be better than the Tanar'ri.
357223308 6 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
This isn't news... Ancient greeks have been using this method for a long time now.
xaiomanga 10 months ago 2
This has been flagged as spam show
USA! USA! USA!
MINOTAUR!
VVD 10 months ago
Guess what. The minotaur isn't real. It's a metaphor. A metaphor is whenever you use on thing to mean another. I know it's confusing, but you'll get the hang of it.
smokengunz1 10 months ago
I heard rumors that the minotaur is going to retire in 2012. They decided to replace him with 1-st generation of teletubbies, and barney.
LaterMeansBrick 10 months ago
@LaterMeansBrick Using teletubbies is going too far, sorry. The government should switch over to golems, since they'll obey any command unquestioningly.
EltonvonCthulhu 10 months ago
@EltonvonCthulhu How about zombies? The old-school ones that just obey their voodoo masters. Not sure the military has that kind of necromantic support system, though.
AdamYJ 8 months ago 3
@AdamYJ Heck yeah, I totally agree with this. Think what we could accomplish if we had, say, 5000 or so mind-slaves with unshakable loyalty.
Zaidon7 8 months ago
@AdamYJ HAHAHA necromantic support system, good one XD
IcyScythe 8 months ago
Julianna McKannis looks like a minotaur
11bveteran 10 months ago
Better than the Rancor they have in Canada.
ds16653 10 months ago 6
that's completely unsubstantiated!
Oxyster7 10 months ago 62
xD: Clifford Banes is such a legend!
jahlinem 10 months ago
Are Minotaurs real animals?
amishgonewild 10 months ago
@amishgonewild lol
cobhc246 10 months ago
@amishgonewild No. _The_ Minotaur is the misbegotten spawn of the Queen of Crete, cursed by the gods. The Minotaur is merely a cursed human being and it is quite real.
DeadlyGrim 10 months ago
@amishgonewild yes, yes they are.
shark55580 10 months ago 2
@amishgonewild Yes, they are quite real and many of them still live on Crete.
Sevenfold120 10 months ago 8
@amishgonewild They recently got one in the Nashville zoo. It's pretty badass. I volunteer there on weekends and I recently got to feed it a lamb.
jfsj513 10 months ago 9
@jfsj513 wait really?
TheGhilliSniper 10 months ago
Is it just me, or Clifford Banes has never been on this show? Every time I watch In the know hes always doing something else xD
larutadelchico 10 months ago
"its completely unsubstantiated...."
deadly990 10 months ago
"Powerful coal lobby adds coal to food pyramid."
Agiinor 10 months ago
Hahahahahahhaa! that was great....! I hope they DO get to use Griffons at some point.
BabyMelfina 11 months ago
however the Geneva convention is all for a bovine monster that wields an ax with teeth less than 9 inches in length xD
steaiii 11 months ago
minotaurs pfft xD
liano22 11 months ago
Damn liberal dogooders release the hydra i say.
skapunkno1 11 months ago
you guys both know alot about ancient greek mythology.
Ldunathan 11 months ago
@Ldunathan greek mythology is the forshiz man!
TheChuster 11 months ago
Why does Clifford Banes still have a job?
Bert2DX 11 months ago
@Bert2DX lmfao. Clifford Banes has been laying off for 3 years.
wwefanworld 11 months ago
wtf you have to remember 9/11 lol 0:38
lionelreyna 11 months ago
0:43 he's flipping me off!
CSRgamer 11 months ago
@CondemnedPhury
It's not?
CSRgamer 11 months ago
1:39 she looks stoned and crazy.
imabirdie2 11 months ago
@imabirdie2 ha ha nice one.
skapunkno1 11 months ago
@CondemnedPhury The Onion news network is 100% fact.
buffhockey47 11 months ago 4
now I'm pissed that we don't have real minotaurs eating terrorists. fuckin obama.
jarheadkauai 11 months ago 5
@jarheadkauai Oh cut Obama a break. The torture labyrinth was not only unconscionable, but the intel gained was dubious at best. And at least Obama deployed the USMC dragon airwings to Afghanistan where they were needed! What'd Rumsfeld do to our fighting mythological creatures? He buried the casualty reports of hundreds of merfolk which he deployed to the MIDDLE OF IRAQ, for crying out loud! How do you make THAT kind of tactical screwup?!
Chunkboi 9 months ago
@Chunkboi
Oh, like how Jimmy Carter dissavowed all knowledge of the 1st Centaur Unit's actions in Iran during the Hostage Crisis? You liberals are all the same.
jarheadkauai 9 months ago
@jarheadkauai Oh right, all the same. I met the minotaur. He works for Blizzard now. Got out too late to be a character model, but he works in billing. Nice guy, really.
There's also a sizeable difference between disavowing troop actions and sending troops into terrain that's incompatible with their habitat!
And don't even get me started on how Bush gutted the Iraq military rather than using them. Oh that really pissed off the indigenous djinn. That's not politics, that's just stupid.
Chunkboi 9 months ago
@Chunkboi
incompatible with their environment? They're centaurs how the hell were they expected to parachute into Tehran? Modern war isn't like the old beach landings with thousands of horse people. But when a Democrat messes up you just wanna forget about it. And the merfolk would be winning in Iraq if they're flippers weren't bound by insane rules of engagement.
jarheadkauai 9 months ago
@jarheadkauai I was talking about the merfolk. You know, it's hard to get them to march when "marching" involves feet they don't have. As far as the centaurs are concerned...use dragons to airlift them in. No radar signature, no engine noise. But we are getting way off topic here...
Look, you want to get terrorists to talk, and have zero torture involved? Nymphs. I guarantee you, they will have them spilling their guts, and we may even get a few defectors to our side as a bonus.
Chunkboi 9 months ago
@Chunkboi
Nymphs would never work! These people have already been promised 72 satyr virgins in Elesyian Fields.
jarheadkauai 9 months ago
@jarheadkauai Dude...read back that statement. Satyr VIRGINS? Okay, even if metagenetics showed that there are male and female satyrs, finding a virgin is impossible.
Also, you ever seen a nymph go to work on a prisoner in interrogation? They may have been promised something...except there's a difference between something promised and something delivered.
Although it's likely you haven't seen nymphs go to work on a prisoner...not enough women are allowed into active combat roles.