Authoritarian vs Permissive Parents and Healthy Relationships

[ImagineX999]

My mother despises it when my opinion opposes hers. Whenever I do something she does not like, she tells it to my dad (whom is currently in Afghanistan) and makes me out to be a terrible child, and he always takes her side. Whenever I try to confront her about things I wish to change, she yells at me and tells me how appreciative I am, and usually threatens corporal punishment (in those words) Inside of me, I start to feel rebellious and get my siblings to join me against her.

[alisonpoulsen]

Yes, it's very much like Authoritative parenting, the difference being that there are consequences rather than punishment.

[alisonpoulsen]

Often parents who push or criticize their children simply want them to avoid the mistakes they made and truly want them to be what they view as "successful". While their intentions are good, they often cause pain, feelings of inadequacy or rebelliousness. An extreme case of over involvement is seen in "Black Swan." Good luck being able to separate emotionally, yet, have empathy for their shortcomings. It might help to learn some "nonviolent communication" or go to counseling with them or alone.

[SeattlegleeK21]

Hi thank you for this. I was looking up topics about strict parents all night yesterday because I got into a huge lecture with my parents on Friday. I felt that I was a disappointment every time I made a mistake. They expect me to behave and do well, so there's little appreciation. Thanks :)

[alisonpoulsen]

Interesting. I'd like to hear an example. It is true that permissive parents sometimes swing to anger out of frustration.

[UmmZen2010]

I have found that what are listed as the side effects of permissive parenting are also the results of authoritarian parenting.

[counsellingniagara]

No problem...I found this video to be right on the mark with parenting styles and child develop. Thanks for your feedback!!

[counsellingniagara]

Great video on the dichotomous styles/implications between "authoritarian" vs "permissive" parenting..check this out!

[alisonpoulsen]

@counsellingniagara

Thank you! I appreciate it.

[PandaStation3]

I knew this, my parents took care of me.

[alisonpoulsen]

Thanks Joan!

[somaticamore]

Hi Alison,

Love your topic's! Thanks for the info.

Joan Sarlo

[alisonpoulsen]

People can overcome excessive authoritarian parenting. It helps to understand their desires and fears. They probably want the best for you and think they know how to achieve it. Or they think it's excessive spending to pay for a college dorm or apartment when you can live with them. I think it's best to express that you see their side, AND would like to work toward gaining freedom. If you act out of anger, it shows you're still hooked in. You can be clear without anger. (continued)

[leneyboo]

Actually I do have a question now that I think about it... My parents are the type that if I try to break away, they're going to take it really personal. And they won't let me. I'm 18. They still won't let me have my own freedom. Is this normal? I've been wanting to move out. But I'm going to college soon. I don't know if I'll be able to work on the side. And it seems they're forcing me to stay home. Should I move out? Is their controlling me even as an adult normal?

[Sommthing1]

When you turn 18 by law your parents have no power over your actions and you should never let them intrude or stop your dream's and goals in life.

[leneyboo]

Well my excessive authoritarian parents have successfully damaged me for life.

Thanks alot mom and dad.

[CubFan7777]

We're covering parenting in my AP Psychology classes today and I plan to show this video. Thanks!

[ygnnb]

Ali.... Great job!!!!!!!!!!! I love the editing and the graphics!!! Let's get together next week.... Kai loved that you used her pic! SC

[somaticamore]

Hi Alison,

Great info and well delivered! How bout some words for ages 18-22 year olds and what the parents role is now at these ages.

[alisonpoulsen]

Encourage the best in them, and limit advice to when they ask for it. Avoid being judgmental and critical. Draw boundaries rather than to push them into certain behaviors. Allow them to make their own mistakes. They have to gain their own self-motivation, even if it only occurs through disappointments. If they're living in your house, ask them to be considerate and to contribute with some household chores. If you have a more specific example in mind, let me know.

[leut1017]

Great advice and well presented.

I like your colorful examples of each point.

They make it easy to remember.

UL