NOOO. why must it be a best JOKE competition?!?! i suck at thinking of jokes. but i really really need that book ! okay, here i go, gonna rip people off and get some jokes: knock knock? who's there? you know! you know who? yep :) avada kedavra! (stolen from theamberyone) wow i cant think of a joke. i guess i will just compliment you instead: i love your hair! you're awesome! i think you should send me the book! yay!
Just because I'm not good with the whole "jokes" thing...I'll just be me..(im sorry) 1) I'll Apple Your Jacks 2) I'll Honey-Bunch Your Oats! 3) I'll Ride His Sleigh...(woah!) 4) I'll Jingle His Bells 5) I'll Lucky Your Charms 6) I'll Tinker His Toys 7) I'll Cheeri- His -O's! 8) I'll Fruit His Loops 9) I'll Roast His Chestnuts Over My Open Fire 10) I'll Stuff His Stocking 11) I'll Make Your Yuletide Gay (you're welcome) 12) B/c I dont want an odd number...I'll lube up...his face?
A rope walked into a bar, and ordered a drink. the bartender said, get outta here, we don't serve ropes. So the rope went outside, and a while later, went back into the bar, and again the bartender threw him out. So this time, the rope rolled himself up, and beat his head against the ground, and then went into the bar. The bar tender asked, "Aren't you a rope?", he responded, "I'm a frayed knot"
Your hair looks lovely! Knock Knock. Who is there? Turtle. Turtle Who? TURTLE'S DON'T HAVE LAST NAMES. What's funnier than a dead baby? Dead baby in a clown suit. What do you call a dinosaur wearing glasses? A DoYouThinkHeSaurUs? I suck at jokes, but I realyl want to win. I've never won a contest ever ahaha.
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang.
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
Harry Potter analogon of "my pants". Replace the word "wand" by "wang".
A magic wang ... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches."
Part 2! Q: How do you have a party in outer space? A: You plan-et. Q: What happens when two snails fight? A: They slug it out. Q: Why was the insect kicked out of the wildlife preserve? A: It was a litterbug. Q: What do call a fish with no eye? A: A fsh. Q: What happens when two oxen bump into each other? A: You have an oxident.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I
'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'
'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'
(Let this serve as a lesson to all of you...never call youtube stupid when posting the second half of a comment...this is my...6th(?) attempt) It said I have 50 characters left but...gah. It makes me separate it. It would be quite spiffy to have Alan's book. But even more spiffeh than usual if you signed it. Good Luck picking a winner! :) Awesome video by the way! :)
That whole book sandwich thing bothers me so much, because it's clearly a "Casey-sandwich-on-Alan." You don't name a sandwich after the bread.
mansonrepublica 3 years ago
kira902k 3 years ago
there you go! 5 stars for you :)
my joke
what's funner than spinning a dead baby on a clothesline at 200mph?
Stopping it with a shovel
what's funner than throwing dead babies off a cliff?
Catching them with pitchforks
I know these are a bit sadistic, but for some reason they always send me into fits of laughter...
hope you like :)
creativemachine 3 years ago
Funny Pickup Lines?
1) Do you work for UPS? Cuz I want you to handle my package!
2) Would you like to see my log(arithm)? (dirty ppl!)
3) You make software want to be hardware! (woah!)
4) Let's make like Degrassi and "go there!"
cwkrumrie 3 years ago
Haha Cody, those were awesome. :)
caseadillas 3 years ago
cwkrumrie 3 years ago
A rope walked into a bar, and ordered a drink. the bartender said, get outta here, we don't serve ropes. So the rope went outside, and a while later, went back into the bar, and again the bartender threw him out. So this time, the rope rolled himself up, and beat his head against the ground, and then went into the bar. The bar tender asked, "Aren't you a rope?", he responded, "I'm a frayed knot"
Granted, its long, but it made me laugh
jacobbontrager 3 years ago
Ok here it goes...
(Insert worlds funniest joke here)
FreedomBunker 3 years ago
I love your hair! It's so totally cute :D
Dude look at how many comments you have! People want that book. I wonder what would happen if i signed a book and sold it.... oh the possiblities
ZeldaPhan 3 years ago
That would be epic, your thousands of subscribers would all scramble to get their paws on it! :)
caseadillas 3 years ago
nodarp 3 years ago
He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.
He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.
Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang.
Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.
RubberDiBung 3 years ago
Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls.
The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.
RubberDiBung 3 years ago
Harry Potter analogon of "my pants". Replace the word "wand" by "wang".
A magic wang ... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.
"Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
"Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches."
RubberDiBung 3 years ago
Put your spouse and your dog in the trunk of your car. An hour later when you open the trunk, who is happy to see you???
moosesdoll 3 years ago
oh and sorry for the multiple comments :-p it's habit after the past few days, lol.
one last joke, cuz 'tis the season:
Darth Vader and Luke.
Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers "I know what you're getting for Christmas!"
Luke exclaims "But how??!?"
"It's true Luke, *breath* I know what you're getting for Christmas."
Luke tries to ignore this, but tears himself free, screaming "How could you know this?!"
Vader replies, "I felt your presents."
livin4hymn 3 years ago
*star wars joke time*
Two stormtroopers walk into a bar. The third one ducks!
how is duct tape like the force?
it has a light side, a dark side, and holds the galaxy together.
knock knock!
who's there?
dook.
dook-who?
livin4hymn 3 years ago
**another warning: these are a bit twisted, but i was told these by my own mom, so...**
kid:"mommie mommie! i can't stop running in circles!"
mom:"hush you little brat, or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!"
kid: "mommie! lil brother is making me sick!"
mom: "hush, you'll eat whatever I serve for dinner!"
livin4hymn 3 years ago
oh and that guy's story is pretty epic. makes me wanna read the book.
joke #2
**WARNING it's lame**
so, a guy walks into a bar....ouch! (i warned ya, lol)
livin4hymn 3 years ago 2
finally got around to this...i know, bad bff.
200t! for epic all night spamming sprees! It was good times =)
jokes time:
what did the pirate say about the steering wheel in his pants?
Arg! It's driving me nuts!
livin4hymn 3 years ago
Star Wars is AWESOME! NERDFIGHTER!!
Josh Groban is truly inspiring as a singer/songwriter(?).. my whole family looooves his voice! he's not so bad looking either lol
um.. as for joke..
here's one i just heard:
What do you call a Italian wanderer?
He's a Roman!
get it? get it?? haha yeh.. lame oh wellz.
mewpie85 3 years ago
Yeah... Josh is definitely easy on the eyes. :) I pretty much want to marry him and have all his babies. And yeah he's written some songs too.
caseadillas 3 years ago
Glasses and a science girl, XZY. By the way you hair looks great.
Already commented on every ones happy dance but yay.
Matrix8369 3 years ago 2
CASEY! keep it in your pants! XD haha
carmenriots 3 years ago 3
NEVER! Haha.
caseadillas 3 years ago
TheZombieFlanders 3 years ago
What a brilliantly outlandish happy dance. Now, for jokes.
A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Give me a beer and a mop."
A hooker walked up to a man on the street and said "I'll do anything you want for $50." He replied, "Okay, then. Paint my house."
Q. What do you call a monkey that can fly?
A. A hot air baboon
My friend spilled some coffee. His wife called it grounds for divorce.
Q: What's red and sits in the corner?
A: A naughty tomato.
TheZombieFlanders 3 years ago
Your dance skills are so awesome!!
I agree with you P4A day was AMAZING! You weren't comment spammed...people were just spreading the awesome on your page!!! Yay!!
OMG! I want that book!! So...here is my joke for you:
I had a dog
He had no legs
I had to take him for a walk
What a DRAG
Joke 2:
There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand binary and those who have regular sex.
RedVolly 3 years ago 3
A tremor in my pants. The last time I felt this was in the presence of my old master.
Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants more heavily guarded than this.
Maybe you'd like it back in my pants, your highness.
Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially one... Your sister!
Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop my pants at the first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.
imagineermatt 3 years ago
Lock the door. And hope they don't have my pants.
You are unwise to lower my pants.
She must have hidden the plans in my pants. Send a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally Commander.
Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants when I was brought on board.
You look strong enough to pull my pants off a Gundark.
Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with my pants.
That blast came from my pants. That thing's operational!
imagineermatt 3 years ago
Star Wars quotes made better with "My Pants"
My pants may not look like much, kid, but they've got it where it counts.
We've got to be able to get some reading on my pants, up or down.
I find your lack of pants disturbing.
My pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe. I suggest we use it.
Han will have my pants down. We've got to give him more time!
General Veers, prepare my pants for a ground assault.
I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
imagineermatt 3 years ago 3
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None.... There never *was* any light bulb, don't you remember?
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: That's not funny!
Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32.......
saphirex 3 years ago
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
RubberDiBung 3 years ago
Mine was split. Lame. You can delete it if it gets annoying.
idontwantaheathcliff 3 years ago
Definitely not lame! The more comments the better! :)
caseadillas 3 years ago
joke number 2
What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?
They go into town, and blow a few bucks
christinacash 3 years ago
...come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once a more."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey coola down, lady," said the man. "I justa tell my friend how to spell Mississippi."
idontwantaheathcliff 3 years ago
Q:why do scotsmen wear kilts?
A:because the sound of zippers scare away sheep. Q: whats the ingredients of seven lemons??
A: lemons
[that was LAME]
Q:whats the best think about 26 year olds in bed?
A:theres 20 of them.
[xD]
BekkiCullen 3 years ago
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. I come. Dennis come and Dennis come again. I
idontwantaheathcliff 3 years ago
A man wakes up after a late meeting.
'Louise,' he moaned, 'tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?'
'Even worse,' she said, her voice oozing scorn. 'You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonizing the entire board of directors, and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.'
'He's an idiot,' John said. 'Piss on him.'
'You did', came the reply. 'And he fired you.'
'Well, screw him!' said John.
'I did. You're back to work on Monday.'
miceylulu 3 years ago
whatever bekah! comment on my videos to!! lol -Carmen
nerdfightastic 3 years ago
Q: How do you get holy water?
A: Boil the hell out of it.
Q: What do prisoners use to call each other?
A: Cell phones.
Q: What has four legs, is big, green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree would kill you?
A: A pool table.
RubberDiBung 3 years ago
my dirty joke.
Why Is Sex Like Riding A Bike?
You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.
christinacash 3 years ago
ha ha ha alan sandwhich hilarious. happy dance ftw. and gosh your just soo cute ha ha.
christinacash 3 years ago 3
Aww. Thank you Christina! My nose is still all stuffed up though, can't you tell, haha.
caseadillas 3 years ago
Well, I'm a new viewer, but I thought I'd put a few corny jokes I've heard/read.
Joke 1:
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon being asked the price, the bartender responded, "For you? No charge."
Joke 2:
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
And then a corny Christmas riddle:
Q: What does it mean if you're claustrophobic?
A: You're afraid of Santa.
easavoy 3 years ago
xD...You're happy dance resembles mine...mostly with the jumping.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
You Know...
You know who?
EXACTLY! AVADA KEDAVRA!
Why is santa so gosh darned jolly?
*shifty eyes* He knows where all the bad girls live...heey.
A man walked into a bar....ouch.
Umm...Gah...too tired to think of anymore. Why did I have to comment after I just took the hardest test of my life? Grrr....
cosmicchik 3 years ago
(Let this serve as a lesson to all of you...never call youtube stupid when posting the second half of a comment...this is my...6th(?) attempt) It said I have 50 characters left but...gah. It makes me separate it. It would be quite spiffy to have Alan's book. But even more spiffeh than usual if you signed it. Good Luck picking a winner! :) Awesome video by the way! :)
*prays it will go through*
cosmicchik 3 years ago
I love your jokes! And yeah, my happy dance is basically me jumping around. HAHA.
caseadillas 3 years ago
FIRST!!
OSUbrit 3 years ago
WRONG.
nerdfightastic 3 years ago
Actually RIGHT mwhahaha
OSUbrit 3 years ago
DAVE! You little bitch! You went in there and signed me out and deleted my first comment! One word, mister - WAR.
caseadillas 3 years ago
5 Words: what is it good for?
OSUbrit 3 years ago
...absolutely EVERYTHING.
caseadillas 3 years ago
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
CleverestWitch2188 3 years ago
I thumbs down you sir.
caseadillas 3 years ago