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From: punchlinemagazine
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  • I would still do Janeane over Natalie any day.

  • She used to be cute now she's an old skank!

  • You'd be unable to convey any emotion in a role if you were Natalie Portman

  • Ive had dreams about the Garafalo since Larry Sanders, Ive just never been worthy enough

  • I had sex with her. She was kind of boring.

  • I want to lick Janeane's underarms.

  • is she making a 'stuffing' joke at the beginning of the clip? if not, why are people laughing? if so, why is she considering she's flatter than natalie? either way this clip is not in the least bit funny, maybe it's just taken out of context but somehow i don't think so.

  • what a bitter woman

  • Well thanks for the 51 seconds, I guess.

  • "...are you coming?" To which the reply is always : "No, just breathing heavy".

    OK, please yourself.

  • Poor Janeane will never accept herself. Got news for you, celebrity. Most of us in your boat.

  • I was I were Natalie Portman!

    Ugh!

    ...and that's the joke.

  • ???

  • yea i musta missed the joke also

  • Meh, Janeane is hundred times better than Portman

  • @zabacinjsh She's definitely better looking.

  • Yeah, where's the joke?

  • @skoockum I don't think mental fragility is a party based affliction. Everyone is capable of being an ass, some are just better at it. A better term would be closed minded or fanatically self-suppressed.

  • I'd like to thank all the haters for their faggot comments and such, I will wear those appellations with pride, even though you are way off base. Attempts to defend ignorance are nothing to be proud of. Suffice to say a few of you must seriously feel threatened, and are perhaps suffering some kind of sexual identity crisis of your own. Instead of all the jealousy towards an effective and intelligent performer, develop your own talent and place your own hat in the ring, if you dare. Or stfu.

  • @Probitas1 Have you ever noticed how just about anything you can imagine brings out the idiot in conservatives and people who are working very hard to suppress their latent homosexuality?

  • Her Natalie Portman bit came like THIS close to making me piss myself laughing. And it came almost at the end, by which point my gut was already cramping from laughter. Damn, Garofalo's still got it as far as I'm concerned.

  • she's never funny 

  • I like that all the comments on her clips are about her appearance. Because that's why we watch comedians. To get erections. Grow up, guys. You're a disgrace to our gender.

  • LOVE IT

  • Talentless. And those tats are played out.

  • @IzzyIsou unplug ur ass

  • I bet this bitch has never taken a bath.....she looks dirty

  • She used to be all kinds of cute, now is plain and ugly...oh well, time will screw us all.....and for the idiot who say FOX is watched only by 38 people, well, only a liberal can be so arrogant and proud of his ignorance..say whatever you want about the channel bit it is one of the more popular on the nation while the socialist bullshit on CNN is bringing it down every day...and I am not a conservative for the record and don´t resent lesbians either, just the facts like I see it.

  • @AkiraBrahe  CNN, owned by a giant corporation, is Socialist??? That would just be bad business.

    P.S. YOU HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT SOCIALISM IS.

    P.S.S. Are liberals snooty elitists or are they "proud of their ignorance" as you claim? Get with the party line.

  • @penguinworm I will be as respectful as you were stupid moron, CNN is promoting socialism and was in fact jokingly called the Communist News Network long ago when Jane "Hanoi" Fonda was married with his owner Turner, many corporations and extremely rich individual are in fact promoting socialism like George Soros since they want to have the State controlling all and them in turn have control of the state, and yes liberals are simultaneously ignorant and arrogant just like you, screaming asshole

  • @AkiraBrahe #1 Can you point to any instances where CNN promoted Communism or Socialism? Or is Glenn Beckian chalkboard scribblings enough to hold up your worldview?

    The super rich already have a large degree of control over our government. A congressman who works for them while in office is someone who has a job for life (probably as a Lobbyist). Just because a billionaire feels a tinge of guilt and wants us poor folk to have healthcare doesn't mean there's a Socialist plot in the works.

  • @AkiraBrahe #2 The system that Soros' goals appear to be in alignment with is called Social Democracy, which is a far cry from Socialism. Most of the developed world's governments resemble that system much more than ours does, and they seem to be doing fine (apart from the clusterfuck that is Greece).

  • 38 people watch FOX news. I don't mean in relation to this video, I mean in general.

  • bulldikes aren't funny people

  • Ii don't get the whole natalie portman thing. she's just a girl. Not even that great looking. Maybe she has that subtle beauty that you only notice face to face.

  • As Monolo or Manny has said in Scarface,'BITCH...LESBIAN'.

  • what is she doing out of the kitchen?

  • @TheFirm34

    Knowing Janeane, she probably doesn't even have a kitchen!

  • I know some people might like to think I'm female, but I can assure, as can my wife, that I got dangly bits between my legs, and my son certainly benefited from that. People only ever care about a persons sexuality because they secretly or openly want to be with them. Comments like I've read here make me understand why women think men are pigs: a lot of them are. If you don't like that label, stop playing into the stereotype.

  • @Probitas1 Wow, go shave your vagina.

  • @Probitas1 Thus spoke the gelding

  • That wasn't very funny...

  • Comment removed

  • WTF?,she didnt say anything funny in this vid and everyone laughing.Some people have no idea what humor is,its sad,and a little bit funny.

  • @rodbob11

    Really? It's just... I thought Comedy was subjective. Now I know it's decided by you.

    ''Some people have no idea what humoUr is''

    No... they just have a different opinion to it than you, so you vacuously generalize and attack perfectly brilliant Comediannes without even bothering to give a genuine criticism, or to give us examples of *your* favourite Comedians - in case we criticise them I presume.

    Go on then, in your view - who are the top 5 Greatest comedians ever?

  • @BelfastAtheist First of all Id like to thank you for declaring me as the "The One" Who decides what is funny,and what is not.(just so you know I think that comment was a lil bit funny : ) ),all did was state my opinion on this short vid that made a mention of a hand in wich i didnt think was funny.Why should I ,or would I give genuine criticism to some thing that isnt really important?Janeane is ,in general pretty funny girl.Dave Chapel Is best,with Ricky Gervais riding doggy style behind

  • lol her stand up isn't even stand up....

  • @PatsyBailey lulzy

  • that wasnt funny

  • @PatsyBailey You're posting in public on a forum that allows people to respond, what did you think was going to happen? Is this your first time on the internet? Because if it is your butthurt is only just beginning. Better get that lube ready.

  • @PatsyBailey It's called a public forum. People people read posts and respond. It's not real complicated Patsy. And yes I think that anyone who thinks Janeane Garofalo is someone to admire or respect is probably crazy and/or stupid.

  • @bsh9616

    ''And yes I think that anyone who thinks Janeane Garofalo is someone to admire or respect is probably crazy and/or stupid.''

    You're a Republicunt, yes?

  • @PatsyBailey ...Just to let yopu know the reason I am here is because I decided to watch videos from 9/11 and ended up here after posting on some nutbag conspiracy theorists videos. Kinda like going to the book store and being in the stupid - crazy isle by accident....and look...there you are LOL!!

  • Probitas 1...we call women lesbians when they look and act like men and hate anything with hangy down parts. And I imagine you are probably a lesbian presenting yourself as a man here. Your words show the underlying anger you have for men. BTW when a woman blows us off we may feel lousy and walk away, but it would have nothing to do with not being able to handle it. Although your female ego would like to think so.

  • she's a self hating moron, who is hateful to everyone around her in return. she is as relevant to comedy as pie eating contests. go away, Garofalo.

  • Anybody who finds her funny are the ones we should start weeding out of society she is the dumbest twat on the planet

  • dike...

  • @lilbeaveymac

    What's that got to do with anything?

    Bigot..

  • was she in Two and a Half Men?

  • Comment removed

  • @TheWarriorProject

    Even if someone did - you would only reply in kind with 'yeah that wasn't even funny' - because Janeane said it. I know your kind.

  • Comment removed

  • @TheWarriorProject

    I said ''Even if SOMEONE did'' - it's right there in front of your eyes, you illiterate fuck.

  • Comment removed

  • @TheWarriorProject

    Well you misread my message and acted like a dick; what did you expect?

  • Comment removed

  • @TheWarriorProject

    No... I was referring to the whole 'Run along now, cupcake' part of your message, you acted condescending towards me, on mistaken premises. Hence my displeasure..

    I don't ''know'' it - I love her work. If you want me to even pretend you're not a dick, then stop calling me a cunt.. if anything, you're acting even worse than I am. I see you couldn't make it through the last sentence without demanding the last word *and* insulting me, again? Way to be a hypocrite.

  • Comment removed

  • @TheWarriorProject

    Well, you deleted your comment - so I'm sure you believed very strongly that you were right.

  • What an unfunny cuntstick!

  • She might be racist, but she sure is funny!

  • janeane garofalo is one of the best stand up comedians ever

  • i have a feeling they cut off the video before we arrived at the punchline

  • Intelligent women are soooo sexy.

  • Why don't these people upload the entire show instead of a bunch of minute clips? Kinda gay.

  • @JesusIsKindaGay exactly!!!!! out of about the five minutes or so talks about natalie this is the least funny part! almost like they want to make her look bad! This DVD is awesome by the way!

  • I always thought she was kind of cute; I thought she was more attractive than Uma Thurmon in that stupid movie, The Truth About Cats and Dogs. Too bad her beauty is only in the face, and doesn't extent to her personality.

  • as a lesbian, I would love to have her on my team ;)

  • @ggleekie88 Take her.

  • Respond to this video... In return we want Portia derassi

  • «Were it a Chinese bound foot it would be reveared as the lotus flower ». Hahahaha!!!

  • Men call women lesbians when they get blown off, because they can't handle that someone might not find them desirable. I am a man, and I approve this statement.

  • @Probitas1 i'm a straight male and I agree!!...it's a sign of weakness when you can't accept a woman not liking you!!,how pathetic is that??....I mean how many women are there in the world??

  • @Probitas1 You are to men what an Uncle Tom is to black people

  • I agree! Natalie Portman is amazing. So intelligent and stunning!

  • If she were Natalie Portman she souldn't be leftist socialist liberal angry negative mean asshole.

  • @md4bush yeah ok.....right

  • I actually think she's pretty.

    Is she a lesbian?

  • I dont get it, like her looks aren't good enough? does she know what its like to really be ugly?

  • @iamthelaw82 and what, you are?

  • @iamthelaw82 and what, you are? if she just doesn't think she's pretty, then she doesn't. It's subjective.

  • She should do some plastic surgery jokes.

  • I love her! She's sooooooooooooo funny!

  • @luyben12

    Hey you fucking dickwad asshole. I get you're not a Janeane fan. So why do you insist on posting shit here. It's pretty obvious you only do it to annoy. Wow. Is this the highlight of your or something??? Do you go around checking your hate-mail to see if anyone responds or contradicts your sick point of view?? Do you only do it so you can talk more shit??...If so, it's fucking pathetic and almost depressing. I'm guessing you hardly get laid as well. People like you are undesirable.

  • For those of you who aren't fans of Janeane Garofalo, then quit watching her shit on youtube. If you're bored enough to watch videos on people you dislike, just to talk your bullshit then clearly it goes to show what kind quality of life you're leading.

    If you're THAT bored, go read a book or better yet...get a job. Oh and by the way, this wasn't the entire joke. Which is probably why you didn't fucking get it.

    P.S. She's not a dyke.

  • @luyben12 did i miss something? cuz i didnt hear her say ANYTHING nasty about natalie portman.

  • @bigcock49 ...yeah....natalie portman's jewish too, so learn some new words, fool.

  • Was this funny?

  • I've been in love with Janeane forever and she just gets sexier. Keep on rockin' the free world baby!

  • Is the laughter edited in?

  • who cares about her sexuality. a show of thumbs for whom think there should be more comments about her talking about natalie portman.

  • Not fucking funny. How does this broad get work???

  • shes actually not bad looking despite the dumb tattoos. If she were natalie portman but still had the same personality she would probably just do the same thing and be a grumpy sometimes funny indie chick

  • bah. buncha rePUBElicans that just hate it, just can't stand it that ANYONE on planet earth might have a different world view than theirs. They know she's a lib and unfortunately for them, articulate (something most rePUBElicans really struggle with - they're either hick Tea-Partiers or, if somewhat educated, feel their education is suposed only be used to grab on to as much money & property as they can & hold on tight as hell).

  • You don't wanna be Natalie Portman.. She recently discovered that she was of Moldovan Jewish ancestry.. And from what I heard from you Ms Garofalo on Bill Maher, you are indeed an anti-semitic and I can bet that you're not welcome to perform in Israel..

  • what a bullshit. she was born in Israel and always knew she's a jew

  • "were it a chinese bound foot it would be revered as the lotus flower"

  • Janeane is just a miserable person. And the crowd? I just can't believe how they laugh before she's said anything. Strange. Nothing, though, an enormous amount of drugs can't take care of.

  • @stradafin I've noticed that most crowds do that at stand-up shows once a comedian becomes popular. 

  • @TheJeanean I agree: Gallagher, Dice Clay, etc. when they do their well-known bits. But laughing when a person brings up Natalie Portman? Is that a well-known bit? JG fans seem to just give her so much credit for being JG...

    Sorry, I don't think that was true of Lenny Bruce and Bill Hicks when they were riffing on Jackie Kennedy or on Jay Leno.

  • @stradafin I got they impression they were cheering, possibly they were Nat fans? Or maybe they were cheering thinking they were going to get some dish on Nat. idk. I wasn't referring specifically to that crowd woot

  • Those uglyass tats represent that evil puss she's been trying to hide her whole miserable liberal brain damaged life.

  • @one4technique I'm sorry but I didn't hear anything that said she was liberal or conservative in that clip.

  • @mohawk1020 No... But I know that she is a liberal diseased pig...

  • @one4technique well then how about you take your political philosophy to another video because this is just a stand up video

  • @mohawk1020 Ok. I've made enough of an ass out of myself in here. sorry.

  • How big of a douche does somebody have to be to belittle ideas like hope and change?

  • She was really beautiful in The Larry Sanders Show and Truth About Cats and Dogs... and I love a woman with a sense of humour, who has her own opinions about stufff. But her tattoos are about Sailorish? Don't think...? She's prettier than all that!

  • I love Janeane Garofalo!!!!!! o_O

  • She's arrogant and unfunny.

  • Men call Janeane Garofalo a dyke when they have no confidence in their sexuality. It's a personality defect that's needs to be treated as the pathetic, weak-minded bigotry that it is. Disgusting.

  • @FungusMossGnosis

    LOL... you have no idea about much!

    How's that Hope and Change working out for you libtard?

  • @FungusMossGnosis

    Yeah, and there are black helicopters crashing into buildings as we speak...LOL

    Voted for Obama hey?

  • @FungusMossGnosis You've obviously never "met" tony1/tony2/seanvikeen/kingart­hrup/upvolleyball/ASentinel2/r­oostertrigger/totalfuckingdouc­hebag...

    This stupid motherfucker has at least 100 accounts, has "conversations" with himself and votes his posts up so people will "think" he's popular. What a dumbshit.

  • @stewchizzle

    Thanks for the info, it figures. I knew he was some kind of schizoid or sociopath, now I see it must be both! Odd.

    It's amazing how many obsessive idiots spend vast amounts of time on Garofalo pages, as if she's some powerful political force they want to crush.

    She must remind them of that cute arty girl in high school that rejected them, because they were obnoxious fucking cretins who would clearly be reliving their High School psyche for the rest of their miserable life.

    Odd...

  • @FungusMossGnosis Right, or they call her a dyke because she acts like a lesbian

  • @Anth150 You know that 'dyke' is a slur to attack lesbians, used by people who are personally offended when a woman doesn't act the way they demand all women should act, right?

  • @cactustactics Uh, right, at least the first part "to attack lesbians", which would make my statement true, that if someone acts like a lesbian, they may be called a dyke. It definitely is a derogatory term, but I didn't say it wasn't.

  • @FungusMossGnosis You're a dyke.

  • @0megaM00

    Thanks. Sometimes I see a really gorgeous woman and find out she's gay and WISH I was a dyke. But first I'd have to have a vagina.

    @ Anth150

    I never saw Janeane as "acting like a lesbian," so either I'm missing something, or some of you are seeing with a very limited, narrow spectrum.

  • @FungusMossGnosis I actually dated Janine during 94/95. She is definitely not a dyke!

  • @therealuptheass "I actually dated Janine during 94/95"

    Did you now? Well, since there is zero evidence that she's ever had a lesbian bone in her body (so to speak) and only a complete idiot would assume she is a "dyke" based on her speech and dress, it wasn't necessary to reveal that.

  • @FungusMossGnosis or because she's a shitty comedian

  • @FungusMossGnosis

    "Men call Janeane Garofalo a dyke when they have no confidence in their sexuality. It's a personality defect that's needs to be treated as the pathetic, weak-minded bigotry that it is."

    She's very masculinised attitudinally and behaviourally. This is not an issue of confidence when it comes to men who find aversion to that (this is among the less spectacular feminist challenge fallacies), it's an issue of heterosexuality and biological norms of gender-specific behaviour.

  • @JCrownwell "masculinised"

    You know, we're both as right and wrong, both making blanket generalizations. Of course, I'm more right.

    I wrote what I did 9 Months ago because I was irritated with this cretin and his score of sock puppet accounts ("seanvikeen" among others) trolling Garofalo pages telling lies and making it political with his sexism and racism.

    Of course,needless to add, you can't get much of a proper impression of this heterosexual lady from this noncontextual clip.

  • @FungusMossGnosis

    "Of course, I'm more right"

    There's a difference between making generalisations and stating trends. A generalisation is an allusion to an absolute trend without empirical support, or exaggeration of the predominance or strength of a trend beyond empirical support.

    There's plenty of empirical support to back my stated trend, in scores of psychometric studies which look at Cattell personality criteria and the BSRI. Your claim, however, has no equivalent evidentiary basis.

  • @JCrownwell

    Are you a psychiatrist?. . .or a lawyer?

    Anyway, thanks for the chuckles.

    Since your only objection is to the first 13 words of my writing in that one post, and this is based on a misunderstanding of a 51 second video clip, I think we can virtually 'shake hands' and part on this business and move onto more important matters.

  • @FungusMossGnosis

    I try not to tell people what I do for a living. It influences how they react to me, instead of taking my points on intrinsic merit.

    Nevertheless, I like how you stepped down there, even though it was based on a feigned misinterpretation.

  • @JCrownwell

    P.S. -- I've never been accused of starting trends before. That's hilarious.

  • @JCrownwell

    No, really, tell us what you do for a living.

    When you stop doing 101 subjects at university.

  • @tonycolbert2

    I agree about the tatoos, and the woman's love, but, ok,,, I guess I agree about there being nothing funny too.

  • @tonycolbert2 I've never considered her to be a closet lesbian until I read what you said.

  • @tonycolbert2 how do you have so many likes. She's hilarious. Who cares about her personal life. she has been doing stand up for twenty plus years. where are you in your life? where's your thousands of adoring public? shame on you. shame.

  • @Redsparrowe123

    Funny is she? Is that why she can't get a job in film or television? Her highest profile appearance in the past 6-8 years was as a panel guest on Bill Maher. She's a mean-spirited cunt, and her career is over :)

  • np is hot

  • haha, figures the dumb, unhappy bitch wants to be someone else. Wasnt exactly a mystery she was unhappy with herself. I would feel bad for her if she didn't live her life like the problem is with other people (the right wing of politics) and not with herself.

  • I've seen funnier turds in punch bowls. Smarter, also.

  • Is it just me or did Jeanean Garofalo have a voice transplant? Her voice has completely changed.

  • @elmando5 i think her voice is so different from all the smoking. :/