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From: TheCWCvilleLibrary
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  • I always pictured him sounding kinda Brock Sampson-like. Close enough.  :)

  • "Humor me."

    Matt's a badass.

  • When Chris Chan says he exercised, he means he played a mini game in Mario Party, then ate three burgers afterwards.

  • Is he masturbating to that girls voice?

  • @Chrisiscool50 Dunno about him, but I'm masturbating to Matt's voice.

  • I watched this whole thing awhile back. So fucking funny. I think its time to listen again :)

  • This man sounds so young. Hard to believe he's a father

  • @UnOwenWasHere This is where I make one of those exaggerated "NOOOO"s.

  • does anyone have a pic of kacey

  • Seriously though, if anyone compared their fucking dog dying to losing my grandmother, I'd fucking kill. I've lost pets and I've lost family members. Losing a pet hurts, but it was NOTHING like when my Grandma died.  Fuck you, Chris. Oh, and keep on "stuffin" those vegetable. (But we know you don't stuff them down your throat)

  • But I lifted a dog house!!! And it weighed like, five tons of plastic!!! lollerskates.

  • @MrsPaul Lolscorpions.

  • Chris doesn't deserve White Knights. He's such a fucked-up, narcissistic, racist human being, that I can't believe that there are people out there trying to defend him. (To White Knights: Look him up on the CWCki, then you'll see why we troll him so.)

  • @satinsguard BE HE HAS AUTISM!!!

  • "You got a job son?"

    After that it all went downhill.

  • that straw is fucking huge.

  • oh no! Not cutco cutlery!!! .... Can you people imagine chrischan selling knives to us? That would be..... exciting. eh..

  • Jesus... Chris's voice is so FUCKING ANNOYING in this call. Like more than usual...

  • these father calls are gold, pure gold

  • Kacey's Father (Matt) = Lars = Alec Benson Leary = Brown Shirted Imposter.

  • @ujustgotpwned2008 And the guy has some awesome acting skills.

  • @ujustgotpwned2008 = Kevin Bacon

  • Matt's voice is graceful even in 240p.

  • 0:13

    Based on that line, its clear that this phone call could never had happened if Kacey's father wasn't a troll. If a girl came up to her parents and showed her Chris's vids saying he was her boyfriend, the parents would have their daughter committed.

  • 7:56 "I'm done talking about uh...Pokieman"

  • Is that the dude from postal??

  • He actually stopped volunteering at pokemans because the screamed at a small black child

  • @Kitsunefan9 ...that's hilarious and horrible at the same time, hilarious because Chris, a grown 29-year old man is fighting with a possibly 9-year old African American child, horrible because Chris, a grown 29-year old man is fighting with a possibly 9-year old African American child.

  • I hate the way Chris says "Hi Kacey!", it's really annoying for some reason.

  • I thought Cutco was some bullshit were they would hire anyone, then the manager would take the money and leave.

  • God I love watching Chris-chan get chewed out by the Dude from Postal 2.

  • You know, everyone keeps pointing out the stupidly-overthick straw, but I've always been more intrigued as to why a Wal-Mart McDonalds would have a Jackson Pollock painting on their wall.

  • Italy 25-27 is normal to move out, Netherlands & Germany 23-25/26.

    Whats with expecting kids to move out at 18? Must be an American thing.

  • @JustineBieberxoxo Depends on what you mean by moving out. I´m Dutch, and most people I know who go to college rent a room somewhere, so they pretty much live on their own. I know a few people in their early twenties who still live at home (and I´m one of them) because they live close to school and housing is expensive, but where I live we´re in the minority.

  • @GreyFenn I knew those. In Amsterdam, loads of em. And the rooms are so expensive 8 out of 10 times the parents are still paying their kids. And if they work enough to scrape by they barely make it through coillege. Same in Rotterdam.

  • Chris sucks hid dick,

  • I'm pretty sure that chick's dad IS Brody Stevens

  • This guy seriously is mentally sick (Aspergers as far as I know).

    The whole bunch of trolls that is responsible for this, obviously is sure not good enough at trolling non-retarded persons (if they would have enough skill/intelect, why gon on retarded?), maybe their retarded themselves...

    Not that I really empathize with that "CWC", he still seems to have an subhuman character, but goddamn he´s a retard...

    Well, as a German I do not give much about retards, but we redeemed them back then ; )

  • @benutzer29915022 Well, I really doubt this guy has Aspergers, I mean it can be easily cofuse, but CWC has a transtoned personality, a Psicotic as far I know, a very peculiar case.

  • @PodMaster2009

    IT'S NOT ASPERGERS!!! ASPERGERS STEALS THE LIMELIGHT FROM THE HONEST AND TRUE AUTISTICS!!!! :p

  • Wow, her dad sounds like the coolest man on earth. Voice wise. It's like two different ends of a spectrum.

  • I own cutco knives i kinda want to throw them away now

  • Matt's voice is dreamy...

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  • Man, whoever this guy is, (Kacey's father) he's pretty cool. Who's with me?

  • Those "50lb" 12-packs are only 9lbs each. He can suck a dick.

  • dat faic

  • HOOOLY SHIT HE WORKED FOR CUTCO

    THOSE GUYS TRY TO RECRUIT ME BUT IT WAS A SCAM

    MY SIDES

  • 01:49 HOLY-

    Kacey's father has an intimidating voice!

  • "Get yourself an umbrella, there is a Shitstorm on the horizon" - Heinrich Himmer to Hermann Fegelein and Albert Speer.

  • The way he mispronounces "Pokemon" at 7:56 makes him sound like he really is in his 40s.

  • Haha that's not really her father, I believed it's Liquid Chris posing as a father to troll him.

  • I cannot believe Chris actually believed he had a chance with this attractive girl, how can he be this stupid to actually see that? It's probably his ego, or his inability to understand anything.

  • wow all you guys need to just leave him alone he is a human being just like us all of you trolls are no better than him just fuck off him wow you guys have no life get off the computer wow like really what would you do in his position just leave him alone

  • @CoolKwipp ... You DO know that you're defending a racist, sexist, homophobic and narcissistic guy, right?

  • @CoolKwipp

    "wow you guys have no life get off the computer wow like really what would you do in his position just leave him alone"

    >defending chris chan

    >telling people they need a life outside the computer

    0/10

  • I wish the guy sounded a little older.

  • @stinkypitz0005 Yeah, but it doesn't really matter. Chris doesn't recognise voices very well (he was fooled stupidly easily by BlueSpike and his "girly" voice).

  • I love how he lied right off the bat... Then said "...I'll give you my honest answers", 50lbs my ass...

  • This guy is great. He owned Chris-Chan so hard, he still was able to own him BAD without beating a dead horse.

  • Matt has the most sexiest,most orgasmic voice i have ever heard! *__* -drools-

  • Ooh, this must be uncomfortable for the father. Yikes...

  • The father sounds so much like Matt Vargas.

  • I could listen to this so many times.

  • i am celebrating the return of chris chan by listening to this whole conversation again

  • Fuck me please I fap and tap u

  • What is Target, anyway? I'm British, so I don't know. XD

  • @LondoninColouredRain Its Like ASDA.

  • @Cblack456 Ah right, thanks! :D

  • @LondoninColouredRain it's a department store

  • @NimrodAlert Thanks, I get it now :)

  • Does Kacey need a 16-year-old stepmom because I'm willing to apply.

  • Oh God I'm laughing so hard my cringes hurt

    This is fucking GOLD. I'm guessing the 'father' was about 19.

  • @jmerridew124 Yeah, he doesn't NOT sound like he's around 50. As he presumes he is.

  • LOL this "Matt" is pretty funny. XD

  • "This is Matthew, Kacey's fatherrr."

  • Wait, he said he graduated in 2006. However, I heard he graduated in 2000. Am I missing something or is Chris telling another one of his lies?

  • . . . Has anyone else noticed that Chris has like nine fingers on his left hand in that drawing?

  • @BlackSabbathRockR19 I counted seven.

  • @BlackSabbathRockR19 yeah and in reality his dick is bent at 45" angle

  • @sirpico123 I know. I don't want to think about it. :C

  • @BlackSabbathRockR19 I just wonder what that thing in his mouth is. A vacuum or something?

  • @ChupacabraMaquina ??????

  • I cant believe i listened to this whole thing O_O -_- holy shit i just died a little inside

  • kacey's dad sounds like one of the guys from rooster teeth

  • Reps..lol

  • That said, the troll did an excellent job of staying in character.

  • If this guy were a real person, he'd be an ignorant, incestuous redneck who listened to Rush Limbaugh in his spare time. The only "cool" thing about him would have been be that he pwnd Chris Chan.

  • @JadeEyes1 incestuous? He does come across as a conservative upper class WASP douche bag but I fail to see how he's incestuous.

  • @HillDueceua Maybe not in this part, but in another part he invites Casey to get cake out of the refrigerator and encourages her bend down. "Sloooowly...yeaaaah, that's it..." or something like that. It's subtle, but would be creepy if it were real.

  • @JadeEyes1 oh I must have missed that when I listened to it the first time

  • @JadeEyes1 Nah, I think he whispers: "Some cake down there or something, go help yourself" almost as if he was mocking what he said himself XD

  • Chris chan lifting 50 pound weights? bwahahahahahahhhhhaaa

  • CutCo Salesman.  The bright shining star on any resume. To each their own growth rates though.

  • Why is coach mcguirk talking to chris?

  • @3FrogBrosCartoons totally fucking sounds like him xD

  • DAT STRAW

  • Man! Please tell me where I can download all of this as an audio file!

  • Oh dear god, I fucking lost it when he stated being an "ASSISTANT GYM LEADER" was Charity work

  • The real question is "why the hell would anyone WANT to hire Chris in the first place?"

  • LOL. THAT STRAW LOOKS LIKE A DICK!!!!!!!!!!!

  • @BootyFister That's impossible, "Christian Weston Chandler is STRAIGHT. AND. DON'T. YOU. FORGET. IT." He proved it so not-creepily by showing us that he likes Playboy, not just for the plot.

  • @Edfan10 SIT ON MY FACE AND FART.

  • @BootyFister Err....what?

  • @Edfan10 <3

  • @BootyFister ...wait are you just spontaneously horny at times?!?

  • @Edfan10 ALL THE TIME. <3

  • @BootyFister

    AND IT'S BENT JUST LIKE CHRIS'S...

  • @SirRobertDole2 ALMOST THE EXACT SAME ANGLE. I WONDER WHAT FREUD WOULD THINK OF THAT DRAWING...

  • I feel bad for anyone who went to Wendy's while Chris worked there.

  • @ZyxthePest Yeah. He got the sack because he made a kid cry :(

  • MATT?! Lucky bastard

  • "Living with your parents. Aged 30. Got it."

    I lol'd

  • the girl is actually a dude

  • Matt's voice is fucking HOT. XD

  • @FullMetalSatomi

    It's Liquid, obviously :-!

  • learn how to draw or stop making vid

  • Stupid girl, "repetitions" = the number of lifts. So Chris was right, he did 51 reps. Not 51 sets.

  • @tosgem ROLF. True, you know your fucking stupid when CHRIS is Right about ANYTHING in your discussian! xD

    BTW, I strongly doubt Chris can do 51 reps of anything, maybe of two pounds or so.

  • @tosgem no chris was wrong lol because he couldn't even do 51 reps lifting his own arm fat.

  • holy but fucking christ mathew sounds just like me. thats some creepy stuff.

  • @Anthraxsgaming Yaay? :II

  • I wonder if Matt has seen a pic of him... Lol.

    I love his voice man, too bad he's married.

  • omg this was easy to troll him i can tell this is an automated voice.

  • Is kacey's father Chris Hansen?

  • @Mrlisboa85 LOL I was JUST thinking the same thing. :P

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  • .................HELLO CHRIS! O_O

  • his life would not have turned out so shit if his parents actually bothered getting him proper support.

  • Reps=times. At least she got the part about autism right.

  • @AltairEgo1 I think she might have meant times as sets.

  • LOL OMFG THEY USED ROBO VOICE?? ..i thought it was at first. Omfg this guy is so easy to troll, who was playing the role of her dad lol

  • Wait a minute, she said she has to lift a hundred pounds or more for her job yet her "father" later claimed that she was a waitress.......damn those are some heavy steaks.

  • @ProdigalSon16 she could have a second job beating ners asses xDDDD

  • "You've been playing a children's card game for ten years..?"

    Only adults are allowed to play children's card game.

  • at first i thought he was talkin to howard stern, then i was like, no, but still epic...btw, is kacey hot?

  • Humor me.

  • Is that a bong pipe in the drawing?

  • @ElectricShark McDonald's soda i think. Bong pipes are for niggers. And chris hates niggers. Therefore he hates bongs.

  • @ElectricShark Its called the oversized staw of fail

  • "Your 30 and you want to work at Target"

    lol

  • I WILL FIND A WAY TO INSTALL FEMALE BODY ORGANS IN MY SYSTEM JUST TO HAVE BABIES WITH YOUR EPIC VOICE...

  • so like...is that guy a troll? I have a hard time believing that's an old man.

  • @kingbooforums

    Everyone Chris knows via the internet is a troll. And quite a few he met IRL too.

  • Kacey's dad's voice is so smexy ;D 

  • this sounds like a fake caller to me. you guys are assholes for thinking this is funny. the guy has issues leave him alone

  • this is fake

  • their both idiots that b itch deosnt know what a rep is

  • "Hello, Chris..."

    I just came.

  • kacey... her voice ... >:C i hate it!!!!!!!!!

  • "...as a sales representative for Cutco cutlery"

    I'm actually really interested in learning more about this period of Chris' life. I nearly got sucked into that pyramid scheme myself recently.

  • @Funkybob2 LOL I think he worked for them for a while when he was in college (they tend to target college students, because they need quick easy money). He wasn't very good- he only made a couple of sales, and it has been speculated that his parents bought them to not make him feel like an utter failure. There's a page about it on the CWCiki. Needless to say, he sat on his ass and did nothing towards it, as usual...

  • @videogamenostalgia "and it has been speculated that his parents bought them to not make him feel like an utter failure"

    If that's the case, then based on what I heard, it's the one thing Chris was successful at. Apparently, it's difficult for most people to do even THAT, and you're encouraged to make the customer feel sorry for you.

  • @Funkybob2 Explain how that's a success? I'm sure ANYONE'S parents would guilt-buy a couple of knives of their kids if it was their first job and they sucked ass at it. This is Chris we're talking about- i highly doubt he had to use negotiation skills to get his parents to buy them.

  • @videogamenostalgia

    Because the knives are so expensive(around $1200, last time I checked) that even relatives who don't want to make their kids/nephews/nieces/whatevers feel like failures rarely buy them. Or is it speculated that they didn't buy a set, but just a piece? Keep in mind, I'm not trying to defend him, I'm just pointing out that Cutco actually looks pretty highly on people who make their clients feel sorry for them, whether it be intentional or not(based on what I've heard).

  • @videogamenostalgia

    Actually, come to think of it, "successful" isn't the right word; it'd be better to say this was the one thing he was ON PAR with most people with. My bad.

  • Coach McGurk?

  • I'm getting a deep-voiced Egoraptor vibe comin' from Matthew.

  • why wont you make this phone call downloadable?

  • Remember kids- the straw is the most important part of a balanced meal...

  • ......."Hello Chris."

    did anyone else shit their pants when they heard this the first time?

  • @Checkmate409 Chris probably did, but then again, he always do.

  • @Checkmate409  its safe to assume that chris did

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  • wait, did he actually go to college? Because i seriously doubt that.

  • so... howd they get chris to do this? hes dumb but i didnt think he was... well i cant say that...

  • Damn it... I have a degree in Drafting and Design and I work at Target. FML

  • @RndmG Basically you're who Chris-Chan wants to be. You're living a severely retarded man's dream!

  • Is Casey a troll or is she actually dumb enough to date chris ?

  • @ferretgeneralken troll and a very good one xD

  • @ferretgeneralken Troll, she does calls with Liquid and Chris.

  • i call 'bullshit' on the CAD degree. i mean look at his fucking art.

  • hello, chris. this.. is matthew, kacey's father.

  • I hate it when some damn military person tries to use their status to bully and intimidate someone, "Oh I'm an ex-marine, you better not mess with me, I'll kick your ass!" So PATHETIC. I thought in the military they taught you respect. and I thought he was supposed to be over there fighting for everyone, especially protecting people with disabilities like this Chris guy, but what does he do? Calls him a faggot, WHY TO GO, homophobe!

  • @StewartJerk

    I agree with you about when ex-military personnel abuse their status. However, as someone with Asperger's Syndrome, I feel you should know that singling us out, saying: "They shouldn't be held to the same standards as us, they're different!", even if you're well-intended, is far more humiliating as de-humanizing than any direct insult thrown at us.(continued in my next post)

  • @StewartJerk

    (continued)

    Saying that we should be "protected" and "helped" to a point where we shouldn't be considered responsible for our actions suggests a lack of faith in our ability to fend for ourselves. A teacher's aid was forced upon me in middle school, and everytime I think about it I get upset, because it shows how little confidence my counsolers and parents had in my ability to adapt.

    (Continued)

  • @Funkybob2 I didn't mean to offend you BUT you know in our culture some people are given more respect based on certain attributes. I mean why is there a rule "Never hit a woman, even if she hits you first?" It seems some women would take offense to that, and say, "That's putting all women into a category saying they are all too weak to fend for themselves. and women shouldn't have to take responsibility for their actions the same as a man should."

  • @StewartJerk

    You're right, and I believe that that's a load of bullshit too, bullshit which I have been arguing against for years, because YES, saying "Never hit a woman, even if she hits you first" implies JUST THAT.

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