BREAKING NEWS: BAT LOOSE IN CONGRESS

[godlordy]

just like the real congress

[IMjustVikki]

JUST GET RID OF THE FUCKING BAT?!

[Emper0rH0rde]

Meanwhile the bat is saying "LET ME OUT OF HERE! THERE'S POLITICIANS!"

[TeMpThAnG]

call security? Lmao really?

[PCEggo]

This accurately satires the people who waste my tax dollars debating how to waste even more of my tax dollars.

[liv2scuba]

Seriously can't quit laughing.

[ShinShia456]

um  is this real?

[samofah]

Rep. Pronk Cummings is my favorite o-span representative!!

[pat5168]

Pro tip: When trying to make an idea sound more credible, say "A few years ago I had the pleasure spending an afternoon with an 89 year old woman in South Carolina. She was active in her church and had worked hard all her life and on that particular afternoon _InsertCurrentSituationHere_ she _InsertIdeaHere_."

[TheSpeedPlays]

Good thing Helldragon isn't a politician, otherwise the fhit would hit the san.

[michelleandbata]

we don`t have a large bowl :D

shouldn't they be at least normal?

[DeadlyGrim]

Hello! I am a commentator on the internet! I like to watch the Onion and suggest "improvements" that would remove all the subtlety and complexity from the joke and replace it with crass non-humor. I often will make statements confidently saying that this is satire of a current event, despite the fact that the video was made years ago. Sometimes, I believe that the Onion is real news. I am an idiot.

[samofah]

@DeadlyGrim you should work for the onion..lol

[celestina742]

Not far from How Congress operates today.,,,wasting taxpayers money & taking endless time to decide a well known Obvious fact that could've been done more efficently by the Averageman.....

[DragonLordG]

... bats are nocturnal. turning off the lights would make it more comfortable.

[Midnaswolf47]

And we expect these guys to find a solution to our debt crisis?

[Doctorj63]

Cool

[makeitmondos]

im using 311

[MrDavkoz]

Yep, these are the same fuckups that created our insane income tax laws.

[bandgeek8986]

@MrDavkoz You DO realize that The Onion is not a credible news source, right? This is a sketch.

[MrDavkoz]

@bandgeek8986 Yes, my comment was more along the lines of "art imitates life". Congress passing some inane legislation while our country slowly sinks into the abiss...

[ScamallDorcha]

@MrDavkoz you know that this is comedy and that it is fake, right?

[omgitotesknowyou]

love the person in the background with a net

[StalkingRainbow]

Fucking bats

[kevinmartinez723]

I bet some of you are gonna call 311

[suicidalpenguins4u]

i saw batman out the window while i watched this

[machinationu]

They should form a committee, then the committee hires a think tank.

think tank then has to study the bat.. so they bring in another bat to make

them mate as a baby bat is slower moving, and easy to catch.

After that think tank can hire nature group to study the known Bat habitations...

[Dhurak]

This is real?? :S

[txfnero]

@Dhurak Yes, this is indeed real. They actually took the time during the news, to show them discussing a bat...Seriously..how does ANYONE ...EVER...think ANYTHING on "The Onion" is real? The Onion is just a fake new show. They show fake and made up news. It's essentially the same thing as a TV Show...it's made up, and it's main intention is to entertain people. Simple.

[Dhurak]

@txfnero Jesus man chill, ok thank you for telling me.

Dont hate me because im not a Brightspark

[wonderXify]

@Dhurak No

[WithCompany]

127 bats feel they should be represented in congress

[Jurassic0Al]

Wouldn't it be hilarious if this had happened while a general was being questioned by Congress or somesuch? Petraeus, for example.

"I don't know if removing the bat from the chamber will make America safer. There are no easy choices, and removing the bat will be hard. But hard is not-" *bat zooms by, Petraeus ducks* "-hopeless." *bat zooms past Petraeus again*

"Tell me how this ends."

[CertifiedBouncers]

that bird is a terrorist!

[ScottInVa1760]

Why not have bats in Congress? There certainly are a lot of rats there.

[ScottInVa1760]

Bat loose in Congress? No worries... she's no longer the Speaker as of today!!

[VSnares94]

Why a bat? lol

[Zokunei]

HAHA, I love how he makes up a story on the spot to persuade people, just like politicians really do.

[ZomBettie]

hahahaha look how scared they are

[YusufAlaseeri]

If this was true and all news were like The Onion, I'd start watching american news.

[evannati]

the fat dude on the right is so funny

[cpdaddy7]

oh, it is snl

[cpdaddy7]

this is fabulous. what a bunch of hopeless windbags.

better than snl.

[cpdaddy7]

i think we need a bigger bowl

[yowzee]

lol; all in favor of turning the lights off so that the bat can get a decent meal, say aye!

[luc649]

Blood sucker amongst blood suckers.

[holly27th7]

OMG..."We don't have a large bowl!" ROFLMAO

[Jurassic0Al]

@Gustav0M- Well, that might take out the bat, but it would get about half the Senators, too. Now, if you used a flashbang grenade, the same thing would happen but the Senators and possibly the bast would instead be stunned.

[Boobalopbop]

127 people are pro-bat lobbyists

[Boobalopbop]

For Christ sake, just catch the pronkin bat!!!!

[PumaOPumaOPumaO]

@Boobalopbop

It is too pronkly

[TheNecromanticCat]

Hilarious!

[galenct]

I love cummings. Pronk

[agmarkis]

wow

[stompinbunnies]

'we dont have a large bowl' some funny shit

[igotbored44]

"They use echolocootion"

Priceless...

[Boobalopbop]

@igotbored44 State for the record I meant echolocation... Noted.

[ballrub]

this is the reason this country is so fucked up.

[Inediblehulk]

@ballrub Yeah, bats taking over parliament have destroyed more nations than war and the IMF combined. Luckily, parents naming their kid "ballrub" have only just slowed down growth in one small Estonian town...so far.

[greenguy415]

The best part of this video is the line "H.R. 210 'Industrial Carbon Reduction Partnership'

[IamJohnTitor]

LOL

[someman7]

I love the guys' enthusiasm

[darththork99]

its a bat whats the big fukin deal it wont hurt anyone

[bomb6710]

There it is! right there!

[HiveGaming]

lol

[Weapon01]

I got the solution.... and it'd only cost the tax-payers $.15 to $1.50 (No B's or T's)

The solution.... 12ga shotgun.

[ThePsychoReturns]

@Weapon01 Bad idea. It would probably cost 150 million dollars to repair the wall and clean up the bat's remains.

[Weapon01]

@ThePsychoReturns Dammit, you're right.

[LMGunslinger]

Theres a 311?

[MistressVixen]

...Yeah. I can see this happening. This is hilarious.

[lilbabyworden]

im glad they finnaly got that damn bat out. that was quite the ordeal.

[tensaibishonen]

for some reason the word "capture" makes it 3 times funnier.

[theonlyred4]

I laughed my ass off just reading the title of the video.

[Gazmanaust]

@theonlyred4 hahah same

[19KISAME93]

@theonlyred4 me too lol

[eggiex1]

This sounds like it's right out of The Simpsons.

[brukins]

LOL!

[HockeyBomb62]

Wow

[thisguyoverhere1]

@Silvia1826  wow.

[thisguyoverhere1]

@Silvia1826 wow

[Silvia1826]

ROFL!!! I love it when things interrupt important people. XD This is awesome Onion, thank you!

[40172]

Are they talking about Pelosi, the old bat?

[HalosRuler]

@40172 rofl

[3SirCrimson3]

They use echolocution!

[BigKevO117]

Yep, these are where our taxes are going...

[GeneralSuvarov]

money well spent...

[MikeofWyoming]

Thank you onion!

[Dexerion]

I strike a motion to call a vote of this video being "hilarious" or, "Mega hilarious." All in favor.....

[ryan19554]

Aye

[3100701]

aye

[Songwriter4God]

@Dexerion I second that!

[sp0nge1337]

@Dexerion Aye.

[dmcyankees24]

i love the onion stories like this where they're hilarious but actually point out real problems... like the fact that congress cant agree on anything.

[HauntedGhostLady]

I'd like to see them debate over the best way to change a lightbulb.

[Crosshairs95]

The large bowl plan is not fiscally responsible. Back in the day we worked hard for results! Physical capture is the American solution!

[NintenFan0900]

Really, if I didn't know about what the Onion was all about..I might have been fooled to believe this was real.

[CanOfDaniBoy]

It's funnier because I can almost see this happening...

[Boobalopbop]

@CanOfDaniBoy They would totally sit there discussing it all day, and share anecdotes about bats and their constituents experiences with bats and anti-bat grand standing, lol

[Chuichupachichi]

All they have to do is open a window which immediately leads to a parked & waiting military jet & offer the bat complimentary round trip service between Washington & San Francisco

The old bat will leave the building faster than you can say Nasty Pillowseek

[dsparentsr]

The guy that plays Rep. Cummings is pronking hilarious!

[Bloodyidit]

thats buracracy for ya. lol.

[ArcaneOmen2041]

I love the one guy's plan to turn off all the lights and open the window. THEY EVEN SAID THEY KNEW BATS WERE NOCTURNAL!

WHY WOULD IT FLY INTO SUNLIGHT IF THEY TURNED OFF THE LIGHTS?

[EasyPeasy21]

The bat is totally pronkin.

[Doreiku]

Haha, so true. XDD

[DrThunder88]

This is a hilarious send-up. I love The Onion.

[krrrruptidsoless]

Vote the chiroptera into office. It seems to be able to do more work than they can. And it can work at night without using lights which is a green effort America can live with. A bowl of sugar water and some fruit and we got an all night workaholic. All in favor say yea. All oppose say GHy78jHhggghskekJtThhHgYkik993­73r3rbdwbswdGGHK</''d;;dd;p;dj­htfvbh

[krrrruptidsoless]

@RadiatorBoy

Taking into consideration all the yeas of sports fans and your the only one voting the opposite. The yeas have the vote . The voting is adjournd. Thank you all for attending.

[TheAutiger13]

this is one of the onion's funniest satire. Too sad that this true of our congress

[listerstorm239]

This is a totally pronkin' video!

[JRO1646]

Cumming makes me laugh a lot.

[witchhunter84]

Why are there subtitles of written script at the end?

[Clearie552]

XD hahahhahahah!!

[drako781]

Now. That funny so funny ha ha ha...

[kingchyzer]

I have to say, this is probably the best Onion ever. :-D

[Manofaction0]

*whisper whisper*

"We don't have a large bowl."

[RedskinsWarpath]

LOL this is how they really act to HAHAHA! Debate it even though its so SIMPLE HAHAHAHAHAHA

[Gerdrako20]

they should call Manu

[tteez57]

This is quite amazing

[Varrik]

Cummings is awesome.

[xXGamermanXxX]

Lol 3 of them are ffreaking out lol by a bat lol

[YouLoveBeef]

Hereby proving you just watched the video.

Kudos

[TheSonicPage]

xD BAtz! x3

[AmyRoseTheHedgehog7]

haha XD

[averagejoe805]

If pro is the opposite of con. Is progress the opposite of congress.

[6775077]

I wish i could give two thumbs up to this one :)

[nerdyharry]

@averagejoe805 nice. that is a fucking perfect joke.

[brazjol]

@averagejoe805 no, the roots are different. congress comes from congregate. i believe as the opposite of pro, con comes from "contra"

[globalchaos1984]

@brazjol ...it was a joke.

[dezinediva]

@averagejoe805 yes. that is correct.

[daspoooop]

Where do they get these people? Seriously, are they actors or just do it for fun? Very funny.

[wimbletone]

geez people give the congress a break! i hope that with this, we have all realised that the reason why the congress is pretty slow..its all cos a bat debate has been doing on for years. its not easy you know. ^_^ i love the onion!

[davidcole100]

i wish the bat would have bitten these sobs they are crooks and corrpt. all of them each and everyone

[Borleys]

@davidcole100 dude chill the hell out. and this is from the onion. It is fake and meant to be funny. Just like pretty much all of the onion videos. so please stop.

[kdmone]

lol

[ThatWrestlingShow]

I really hate these ads before videos

[colonelmatterson]

that bat is pronkrageous

[8850407]

stupid republicans

[Omnisoldier]

lol xD

[Dacadvid]

The House of Reps is the most efficient chamber of Congress. The Speaker controls the Rules Committee, which controls the whole House. It is still ridiculous, but the Senate is worse because there is no structure. Bills in there take forever, as seen in the healthcare bill.

[Jessicanana89]

haha, I love old people.

[KarmicOmen]

LOL! It's a moonbat!

[Danny77uk]

You can't set an arbitrary timetable on capturing this bat. We must stay the course.

[jcgranados1]

"I was not aware that 311 had that service included" LMAO

[BiuePillow]

LOL this is so hilarious

[SoldierCyfix]

this must be the real deal, this so like congress

[MrAizakku]

its by the onion, though :P

[fdoric6]

Ha! Congress can rush to war with no plan other than blow the crap out of everyone until they give up or they are all dead. Gives an insight into what congress is really about, don't it

[wisdumcube]

Congress never gets anything done XD

[Wbeliever7]

this is a joke right?

[NZRUGBY0]

No. Congress does this all the time.

[seanblake00]

@ Wbeliever7:

no this is real, it was in the news at that time.

[seanblake00]

wow ur so smart. how did you figure its by the onion.

you should apply for a nobel prize.

[MrPivotPie]

@MrAizakku Do you really think a bat would be loose & flying in a political building, think you fucking moron!

[dm121984]

@Wbeliever7 Yes...Onion News Network isn't real - its a mock version of pretty much all US news networks (Fox, CNN, ABC, etc).

[TheGreatArgument]

echolocution!!!

[wwjdCRABS]

Search for "send this to JESSICA ALBA."  Trust me.

[EmceeJury]

getting rid of bats is easy. just ask Manu Ginobili