me myself and us - dissociative identity disorder

[madlevy21]

Hey I'm writing a play about DID for a drama course i'm doing at Uni and I was wondering if you'd be ok with me using this video in the performance. If you're not i'll totally understand but i think it's really powerful and will force other people to understand how people with DID feel. Thank you for this really powerful expression of feeling

[Biancabutterfly1]

becciliz thank you so much for this, i so understand this. I am DID and this i can soooo much relate to. thank you for being strong enough to do this and share with us. Continue to stay strong and not give up!

[blackrosefencer]

Wow...this video was excellent. It was so moving. As a person dealing with PTSD, the video definitely hit home for me too. I can definitely relate to the feelings of anger and frustration. I have been struggling through PTSD for three years now and have only recently come to accept that it never goes away. I will always have to deal with the memories of what happened to me and it made me who I am today whether I wanted it to or not.

[LostJedi26]

Could any of you message me and tell me what happens during the video? I'm blind, so I only get to hear that haunting but soothing song...

Lots going on in my head, reading these comments. Thank you for sharing, those of you who have. Be safe all...

[LadyColetteTheChosen]

You did a great job making this video.

If you have Dissociative Identity Disorder, just know that there are many people here to support you. I watched this video as I watch many about pschology to understand people, because I don't understand everyone. I never will, but I'll try. I'm not majoring in pschology, because it hurts to see hurt, but I want to help everyone I can. I know I will never fully understand what it is like to have more than one person inside, but I will do what I can.

[mayhmong]

I am truly touched by this. Learning to love and live for a purpose has always been a challenge. I wish that there would be more help to treating DID.

[MonicaRushing]

You are expressing my heart. i want OUT! Will I ever heal? The ache is so deep it won't ever go away.

[MonicaRushing]

I can't stop crying. Will I ever heal from all this? Thank you for expressing my heart's cry. I want OUT!

[becciliz]

@snifxx0 yes i did... i'd like to do more but i've just not had the headspace...its something thats helpful for me to be able to coe back to also- somewhat of a marker in a journey where voicing my needs and what is going on has always been a struggle

[originalkido78]

What's the song called?? We love it! As a person with DID, we really related and feel a great understanding!

[becciliz]

@originalkido78 The song is Scarlet by brooke fraser

[nenya]

Thank you for being so brave. Its nice to see that a personality so fragmented can still retain much beauty despite all of the chaos and turmoil.

I wish you all the very best!

[nicknacksoup]

Sending you out nothing but the purest Love and hope that someday you can feel the Angel you are x

[becciliz]

@nicknacksoup thank you

[asifitdidnthappen]

I can see where dissociation is fascinating. Let it be. We have to get the word out there about sexual abuse. And it is interesting. Read my youtube to get more information.

[marydepugh]

It is difficult to live with and you are always afraid for the most part. Sometimes you just want to end your life and many times you may not remember doing things thus making you feel crazy and overwelmed. fascinating to some i suppose; me....not so much!

[becciliz]

and guys, please don't fight.... life is hard enough without us fighting each other

[apresmidi505]

idk if i have this. i'm scared and dont know what to do

[becciliz]

its often unhelpful to self diagnose. i'd suggest you see your doctor if you're worried

[TombaFanatic]

@becciliz

Any advice for convincing someone who shows signs of a disorder and acknowledges said signs, but refuses to see a doctor of any kind about it?

I'm getting kind of desparate...

[emerald7502]

@TombaFanatic Its hard but it'd say; find someone you can live with, who can sacrifice their life with you, to welcome every new personality back into reality and let them know its okay to stop protecting the original. The truth is doctors can't really help but reassure you. There is only two proscribable drugs, light anti-depressants (which I would recommend) and tranquilizers (which will take away the reason to live and I would never recommend them).

[HappyDad98036]

@TombaFanatic Maybe seeing a counselor first, they are less intimidating (in the mind). Don't force the issue, be patient...when they are ready, they will go. They (DID people) need to know they are safe with you, they can trust you (esp. to not leave them). Your friend might be afraid that you'll leave if a DID diagnosis is made. Patience, trust, safety. This will be a hard road for *you* as well. Patience, trust, safety.

[todaysmiracle]

Thank you <3

[LYNXVAL]

So many children get abused and become MPD to forget !

[zaierk]

It's not a fascinating illness, if you have it this really destroys your life, your dreams. I wish to be cure from this, from all my scars. So, please don't say this is fascinating it's not like in the movies.

[sovietmarxist]

@zaierk

Just because its not a fun disorder to have, doesn't make it less fascinating.

[TashaRichardsonFan]

This is a very fascinating disorder. Very interesting.

[ThiadTobias]

You have made a beautyfull video. It made tears come out.

I don't like therapists. We manage life al right. We ain't allowed to talk about it, cause if someone finds out, we are in trouble.

Nice video. I also like the Sibill movie.

Yet it is difficult to watch.

[airiefaerie]

Why are you in trouble? Do you think your DID was planted? If its a natural disorder I don't see why you would be in trouble. Is this your paranoid side..lol (or maybe in trouble cuz people are cruel and abusive when they know they have an advantage.. over your uncontrollable sickness.)

[ThiadTobias]

We ain't in trouble jet. But if we tell we will, then we will have to go to shrinks and then we ain't allowed no more what we really want to do. I like our freedom. I'm not paranoid. I am not sick, it is mind protection. We can do things just like other people. We're not sick.

[airiefaerie]

I think it's cool and Im very envious of you, you have a natural coping mechanism that makes life tolerable. The alternative is worse because I live it. There was only one time in my life when something like this MIGHT have happened. It was when I found stuff in my car I didn't remember putting there and I dont have other people in my car and unless someone stole my keys... I never did make sense of that. That was no fun because if I had fun I didn't remember. But I dont have DID.

[actressandwriter]

Do you knwo how hard it is to live with it?

Never knowing if the next step you take is going to be right in front of you or three days later... Having memories shoved at you at three in the morning and not sleeping for days on end because you don't want it to come back?

Im not saying its easy for you to not have it... but dont think because we try to hide that we arent found.

[zaierk]

I can make repairs, but even though the scar will be there, but the only thing that I live for and will never let go is MUSIC. MUSIC is the only thing that makes me understand the pain that every human being goes trough in life.

[Angels14u]

Therapy may not make it all go away but it helps in your self's esteem which is all most peoples minds and hearts are aching for...self's respect and self's esteem. Mind could not stand, for what mattered to it...so mind broke....when respect is paid to mind and minds needs are respected healing can happen. When understanding and perspective are placed, mind can heal, mind was acknowledged, which is all it wanted for self.

[zaierk]

I don't understand why some bad things happen in my life that change the way I see life. I know that I have to forget but it is difficult to let go, that's why I'm sick of this thing, and I don't believe that love or hate can release you from those feelings I don't know what can. And no not even therapy...

[Angels14u]

understanding....considering sources....gaining perspective....therapy cant do everything...only you can make the repairs. But understanding things, considering sources, placing perspective goes a long way to your mind making realizations in your behalf..

[Angels14u]

.it may not make it all go away but it helps in your self's esteem which is all most peoples minds are aching for...self's respect and self's esteem. Mind could not stand for what mattered to it...so mind broke....when respect is paid to mind and minds needs are respected healing can happen.

[Angels14u]

.it may not make it all go away but it helps in your self's esteem which is all most peoples minds are aching for...self's respect and self's esteem. Mind could not stand for what mattered to it...so mind broke....when respect is paid to mind and minds needs are respected healing can happen.

[originalkido78]

Thank you for helping me feel, if just a moment, that I too can heal! Thank you for the loving support for yourself through this video. I have DID and this made me feel so many things and Ithank you for taking me on this short journey inside myself. WELL DONE!

[KrazyKatie81]

i meant to rate it 5stars but somehow clicked 2

[Khypheneight]

Yeah, I agree with becciliz, I would go see a therapist, or do what we did and start off small, like an online email councellor and have them refer you... sometimes you need help to sort these things out...

Thanks again for a wonderful video becciliz, it's inspired us to make our own... still in production atm though :)

[becciliz]

:) its quite therapeutic. i've more i'm desperate to make but i have to use a friends laptop as m

[DoomCreeper1]

I don't know who yo talk to this about so I have been going to all the DID videos...I can't get my split, other, alter or whatever you want to call it to come out. He has come out a few times and we have talked.. The other day he came out and yelled at my friend and then he was gone again. If anybody knows how to bring him out PLEASE let me know A.S.A.P

[becciliz]

i'd suggest going to a therapist. there are specialists that work specifically with DID

[DoomCreeper1]

is there any way i could do this myself?

[Khypheneight]

This made me cry... with someone who is also living with this, it just touches us so greatly... thank you for making this video.

[becciliz]

thank you - sorry for making you cry

[tanangerbitch]

So brave. Thank you for this.

[becciliz]

thank you

[awesomeastrid]

Awesme video, well made I love this song, and film amndvideo is perfect ,s o much feeling Keep making videos Peace Blessings Astrid

[becciliz]

thanks, i've been planning to do some more, its a great thing for me, i only made this video for part of my own journey, the fact that it seems to help others just helps me all the more. i'd been making another and my computer broke, so have to wait until i get another to continue with that, but its definately a plan .

thanks again for your kind words

[EmpressByBirth]

well made :)

[lalalaraine]

this video is wonderfully made. made me cry. just read sidney sheldon's tell me ur dreams and it made me realize how hard it is to have this condition. but i do believe there's HOPE for everyone with this condition. continue reaching for the light and everything will be alright.i am with you through prayers.

[becciliz]

thank you :)

[Mardasee]

I have DID and I remember the fights I had with myself when I was young. It was like me my regular self fighting against my alters and my alters were fighting me back.

But I also remember the time when we did stop fighting. I my regular self was the one who apologized and made up first, and bingo! my alters changed too just like that. It was a bonding after that, friends forever.

I haven't triggered and dissociated for some time now. Two years ago. Dissociating is when I feel alive.

[hannah18h]

That was amazing, beautiful.

For mental health week, our school is entering this competition, that you have to create a play to make people aware of mental health. i play a person with DID and i've been searching websites and videos because I want to do it accurately. Yours has been one of the best!

[PolarB36]

Breathtakingly beautiful! Keep healing, growing and reaching toward the light. There is peace and joy ahead.. I know because I am living proof. ;)

[blueskunk12]

Well done. We used to say "Home is a four letter word". But no one understood.

[saywhatstephanie]

wonderfully done....

i cried.

[survivoroftrauma]

....gorgeous....i relate totally to you...to this....

[carebearchels]

what are the clips from ? A film?

[becciliz]

some are from a film, some are from adverts, some i made myself.

[Action11Heroine]

is this a real story about you or you just made it to make people clear of what is DID?? i am sooo keen to know!!!

[koalastephanie]

WOW-Beautiful.

[ishmeetb]

which song is this?

[becciliz]

scarlet by brooke fraser

[scooby244]

Thank you so much. This video is incredibly well done and it sees me like no one else has ever been able to. I have been on this road many years now. This made me see i am not crazy. thank you for that. You are incredibly brave and courageous. I am so sorry for all you have been through.

[becciliz]

glad to be of help :) this video, which i made originally just as a personal aid, still continues to help me on my own journey too :)

[missdisorientated]

Thanks for sharing this... i'm sorry you have suffered so much too

[becciliz]

thank you for all your kind words. i'm glad that its been helpful to people , as it continues to be for me.

take care and stay safe all,

much love x

[niwashi5]

the first words really tells it all.

"home is where the hurt is." Now married for 18years. This home is now a new home where other kind of hurt is.I am just to tired.The others within is too.Too tired left me tearless and wornout. I still wonder what wrong I did to deserve living on like this. I have two daughters and a descent husband and still I and the rest of the others within live within the past.

This song soothes my mind.Thanks

[dennisstosel]

I cried thru the video. I have mpd and know the depth of pain hidden within the soul of an individual with mpd. You have brought beauty, truth, light and honor to us. The pain of our past wants to hold us captive in pain and shame. Your video is a step towards our freedom. Please continue revealing, and sharing. You have brought me much healing. Thank you!

[LadyJzTalkZone]

Beautifully done. I'm glad I stopped by today. Lady J

[LittleMonster18]

wow. the song really made me cry.

thankyou so much for making this.

[cath1506]

it breaks my heart to see what you have suffered.

[brigadoondays]

I am entering my third year of coming to understand and recognize how much fragmentation and pain I've been avoiding throughout my 68 years of intermittent dissociation. I was actually able to stay with the video and remind myself that "Now" is not "Then," Your video helped me with the difficult work of addressing somatic memories (lacking sound or images) with care and compassion. Thank you for your sensitive, caring video. I hope you do follow up, for the benefit of all whom you've helped.

[magickme14]

i dont get it =S

[brigadoondays]

Fortunately, not every viewer's life experience will resonate with becciliz's. Your interest and willingness to at least view the video will hopefully dispose you openness if and when you ever do encounter a Multiple.

[uberman460]

i was afraid to tell anyone about. "them" they helped me through so much i consider them brothers now. i wouldn`t change for the world. i dont remember any of the abuse but i know it happened. scars diaries. people telling me life is starting to fix itself. "sigh" sorry needed to vent.

[becciliz]

vent away, its safe, with people who understand here.

[ask123321]

what a beautiful way of expressing your self and your experience. i am so sorry you were abused.

you are a beautiful young woman with a tragic past, and a very bright future.

keep on expressing yourself, being yourself, and sharing yourself. your work is a treasure to the world :)

take care,

a/s/k

[earlyseedling]

wow..having been diagnosed with DID has made my life finally real, finally 'sane', finally bearable. it took what seemed like forever to get to the place i am now and i have a long way to go..this video explains the journey so tenderly yet hauntingly..no child should be hurt like we were..with the help of a wonderful therapist, i am able to let my inner children know they are safe and loved..maybe with the help of this video others with DID will seek help to help their alters feel safe and loved

[packcollective]

keep working, keep hoping...

from the system

Pack Collective :)

[patkinchen]

My heart breaks for any child who has been or is abused. If you are a child in an abusive family, know it is not your fault. You deserve to be loved and cared for. Hang in there. And when you are out of that situation, live the rest of your life in love. All the love that is missing from your life now you can gain by loving your future family, and your future children.

I pray for you. I ache for you.

[niwashi5]

thanks for this vid.

it gave me courage to go to another one of my

weekly trip to the doc.

it was just too much for me to endure lately.

worn out and just too tired to hold on.

I wonder if i am"crying "too. and if so when will I be done...

thanks again

[missdisorientated]

Brilliant vid... thanks for making this.

I'm sorry for the pain you all have suffered.

[DarkStarShining]

Thank you for making this video.

[landofhealth]

thank you.. im going to join them i think.. they sound good. was it hard for you to get a dagnosis? hugs, blue x

[becciliz]

yes the diagnosis is somewhat of a chanllenge to aquire.

indeed it wasn't til i agreed to go into hospital for obs for a month that i got it -

i'd not suggest that method, it was a horrible experience, very disruptive to the system.

[becciliz]

there is more hope ofcourse if you can pay for an assessment- private clinics in the uk; there are a couple i could recommend from word but i've never been to one myself...im nhs diagnosed.

hope you're doing ok :)

if your switching is putting you in danger, maybe the hospital route would suit you. i didn't see a specialist psych for my dx, just one that knew what he was doing...the ones in hospitals are so much better than the out patients ones!

[landofhealth]

thats the best vid on d i d ive seen,, im struggling to get funding for a diagnosis but my switching has got so unmanageable recently.. its so horrible.

warm thoughts to you, blue and crew x

[becciliz]

keep fighting...hope is out there

have you tried contacting first person plural- they might be able to help in some way

best wishes

[becciliz]

healing and hope to all you guys. thanks for witnessing us :)

keep strong x

[jaxkipi]

Wow. That was really good.

[Goaway879]

Beautiful

[CAndybobman112]

i live with MPD i have have bf who love me i have 4 mains who keeep an eye one me, i delt with mine for 2 years now. Hang in there, it does get better, just keep going and trying your best. plz keep fighitng hte good fight

candybobman112

[becciliz]

im glad its being helpful to you guys just like it has been for me

think i might make another soon

[AijinShitai]

it's.. it made me cry.

[iraqidolphin]

Broken apart. Hundreds of personalities. I'm waiting for the explosion inside. There is a big drift in my mind that needs mending and I don't know how deep, or far it is, or how long it will take to reach it. Maybe I never will -never to be whole. I can still try. This clip is beautiful and is testimony to your hurts and mine/our hurts. I am forever greatful to Youtube people like yourself who share similar pain and I will never probably meet all of you out there. Together in healing.

[NUGHEZH]

hello. I am from Germany and my english is nooot good, but, I must say, Thank You!!!!!!!!!

You D'ont know how the feeling is inside, to see this video. Thank you, you speak out what nobody can say here, with this. It is great and true . thank you so much for this.

[msarafraz]

Hang in there you will be fine. I have a girlfriend with dual personality disorder and its a struggle but with love and support, we all will survive. Life is a challenge for all of us in one way or another. You will be fine because you have a good heart.

[janebond88]

This is a beautiful and powerful video. Thank you!

[soullessandpained]

too triggering for us to watch i'm sure it's good tho. thanks for posting it

[CWELSTEAD]

Whats the name of the tune playing, its so sad but nice.

[becciliz]

scarlet- brooke fraser

[becciliz]

thank you, sorry that it was too hard for you to watch. keep safe and best wishes

[Shurekien]

Good job. I remember watching this movie in my psychology class.

[singerCindyAnne]

i cried so much towards the end... it scares me to ask myself (or maybe, "them"?)...why?!?! thanks for being so strong...

[becciliz]

sorry it upset you. please take care of yourself x

[amyl2701]

This is a touching video. What are the clips at the beginning from?

[becciliz]

an advert

[becciliz]

i took a couple of different clips that were similar and worked them together

[Jatje92]

Awesome. I just read a book about DID, "First Person Plural - My Life as a Multiple". It scares me but it also amazes me to see how brave they are-people with this disorder. Thanks for the vid.

[Paladin1701]

bravest thing I've ever seen

[becciliz]

that really brought a tear to my eye. thank you

[secretoompaa]

really good video. it's good to see people coming out and sharing what it is like for them. thank you for sharing.

[niwashi5]

it was a good one

too good it hurts.

It was a little hard on me

but yet I think those who sees this

can understand DID much better.

[psytrancegirl]

this morning I woked up and after a few dificult days of many horrible emotions and feelings I always have had but not at the same time....just to realize that I have it.... is not being easy for me today I feel scared...and haven't decide whats best to do about it...I don't think I can share it with the ones I care...they have enough with the issues I allow them to see.

[balletgymmad]

is thier like a dvd with the little girl and the nan, cuz ive seen it on other vids, if so what is it?

[fiddler32]

Do you mean like the scenes with the lady tripping the little girl and stuff? That's from the movie "Sybil".

[candy3A3Z]

Wow- very good job. Child abuse is so heartbreaking and there are so many victims. May you learn to love yourself and move on.

[cheekyleopard]

Brilliant. Strange becoz it could of been made by me about my life and whats happened to me the last 2 years . - but im not creative like that!-

Very sad but excellent.

Hope your finding yourself.

[prisonrescuer]

Wow, that's an awesome video. Good job.

[EmT1891]

It's actually really amazing <3