How Can We Make The War In Iraq More Eco-Friendly

[ggmann13]

I typed in "onion testicles" into the search bar and this was the first video.

[jcharit1]

@ggmann13 The real questions is why were you looking for onion testicles?

[ggmann13]

@jcharit1 what was the fake question?

[jcharit1]

@ggmann13 No, I mean that I am more interested in why you were searching for onion testicles in the first place.

[ggmann13]

@jcharit1 I am more interested in your previous question.

[jcharit1]

@ggmann13 Not bad

[fabaum22]

They should change their Humvees for Priuses, really. That'd do it.

[93224956]

'a UN environmental report about the first Gulf War for example, points to the damage inflicted by 70-ton tanks like the M-1 Abrams on the ecology of the desert: Approximately 50% of Kuwait's land area has had its fragile soil surface destroyed as scores of tanks moved out of that country each day, headed for Iraq.'

The world is fucked.

[93224956]

Saw this and thought 'I guarantee there will literally be environmentalists who are so fucking misanthropic that they will legitimately be making this argument.' Took me a couple of minutes to find 'Militarism as Cause and Consequence of Climate Change'. The above is a quote from this article.

[duckypwns]

Wreak havoc upon your fellow man - But love and protect mother earth.

hahahahahaha

[ArtypNk]

I would go one step further and use the fallen enemies to feed the soldiers. Wasting all that perfectly good flesh is ridiculous. And that would increase the soldiers motivation too, "Want to eat tonight? Kill then".

[FrazzleAndTheWolf]

I wish Clifford would get on top of his game.

[6969dazzagazza]

...organic hemp...lol

[h0rnd0917]

What about "bring your (five year old) daughter to war" everyday...a kid canhit ya with a million questions

[TheYouwontgetit]

i think that machete proposal made the most sense...

[kiddingme01]

Arturo Trejo is awesome!

[RammsteinTranslator]

The only reason The Onion isn't a major news network is because most stupid people just don't understand satire. These guys come up with some of the greatest analyses/spins of current headlines, and then people watch them here and go "omg, this is real?". No, it's not real because you don't get it. If everyone understood the satire, the Onion could be a very real news network.

[maccyjames64]

'elegant in its simplicity' LOL

[MRTEL7777]

DOO NOT DOD. DEPARTMENT OF OFFENSE!!

[Chansulus]

bullet prof armor suits use swords the end of emissions right there.

[gotti786]

The Revolution in Military Affairs, allowed the most developed countries on earth, to wage war against the poor countries of the third world, without using human troops, these toys have the ability to kill from afar, no questions asked, just deadly fire. This sanitized version of the war, allowed the U.S and Europe to wage war all over the world, with hardly any critiscism from the local population, who do not suffer the consequences of the war, and do not want to see them either.

[jackthelad101]

OVER1000000 PEOPLE DEAD. OH YES SO FUNNY, LETS MAKE JOKES ABOUT IT. FUCKIN IDIOTS

[WeEatBrainz]

@jackthelad101 Yep

[manga4428]

@jackthelad101 Why so serious? 

[jackthelad101]

@manga4428 serious or realistic?

[redword2007]

@jackthelad101

Humour is a powerful tool to expose the insanity of war. Ever heard of 'Catch 22', 'Dr Strangelove', 'Mash' or 'Oh What a Lovely War'?

[jackthelad101]

@redword2007 i understand that people find it hard to open up to reality about issues of poverty and war and stuff but maybe im wrong..maybe there is no other way to wake people up to real issues...i just dont find this helpful...i think it changes peoples opinions about war like it should be a funny subject, its not...i can still have a laugh and a joke but theres something ye justy cant laugh at...thats just my opinion sorry if i offended anybody, but i dont feel i have

[annoythefish]

@jackthelad101 Death is the nature of life, my friend.

[BoredomPie]

@jackthelad101 um, first of all, less than 25,000 Americans have died in the war. Second of all, were fighting a terrorist group, so the war has probably saved more lives than its taken. You know, even the civilians in Afghanistan support us, and our own people don't?!? I'm not saying America has never made a mistake, but it seems like some people just think its "cool" to be rebellious. I gladly support the war.

[pfgreds]

@BoredomPie Lets not pretend now. The Iraq war is about oil, money & control. Yes some civilians do support the troops perhaps due to propaganda.

Its a shame that people are dying for this political cause and soldiers think they are 'protecting their country'.

[jackthelad101]

@BoredomPie does only American people count, i was totalling all human casualty's

[BoredomPie]

@jackthelad101 Well, maybe more, but definitely not 1 million. The wars are for a good cause, we took down saddam hussein, and now we are fighting the terrorists. Overall we have helped the situation in the middle east and now were defending our own soil. Again, all wars have casualties, but this is a war we need to be fighting.

[ShotgunDiplomat]

Out of all of Clifford Bane's excuses for not being at work, this is my favorite one.

[KetchupSplodge]

I liove the guys at The Onion, they really are exceptional actors, and it's produced very well, I've seen a lot of comments from people thinking that some of the reports were real. Kudos to you guys.

[SuperFifthwheel]

HAHAHA "Carpooling to war" - now thats a fucking an awesome idea. We shoud build carpool lanes for our tanks in foriegn countries.

[jgem12345]

ouch.... my balls.......

[WatchmenDrManhattan]

Aircraft career are green they use nuclear engiens

[papalolita]

@WatchmenDrManhattan Until an accident occurs of course. Then it becomes glowing green.

[kwelam]

"Elegant in its simplicity" lol

[Ghboy2]

If you want to war be more eco-friendly, just resort to biological warfare! Duuuuuuuh!!!!

[Chunkboi]

We can reduce greenhouse gases by using hydrogen instead of propane in fuel-air bombs.

[AlbertimusPrime]

use bio-degradable bullets :)

[evilblades]

i am not fucking kidding, in my country we are litteraly discussing how to make our effort in the afghanistan war more eco-frienddly.... -_-

[m1c000l]

why the heck is clifard banes never in

[NJburbsSeeker]

Why can I see this discussion going on in the Obama White House? lol

[b11k22]

testicular torture? WTF!

[TheChuck1617]

"And they're's also North Korea, they have one of the largest army in the world, but they save a lot of consumption because they simply don't feed them." XD

[22Mrjsmooth]

hahahahaha this one is hilarious

[WeTheFilmerz]

get a man a fish and he eats for a day... give a man a Keith Stone Lite and he wont be thirsty from that Big ASS fish i just gave him lol

[22WolfNight]

Write this on youtube: Fallujah Documentary 1 warning graphic

[macbeasty]

I'm waiting for the introduction..."Hi I'm Clifford Banes".

[woodside4life]

@macbeasty He's busy being the mayor of Baltimore. Or fighting gay marriage. Or something like that...

[Om0plata1]

I think these guys are doing some great critical thinking right there

[LASTMAN024]

Your all under arrest by NASA-AIVC

[VenusAsABoyFilms]

LOL

[blackman666ful]

Peep what he says at 1:51 . This guy is cold blooded.

[MrGameandSub]

@blackman666ful No...he's eco friendly- those villagers were gonna pollute the earth and kill it anyways- they had it comming. Altho he did forget about the pollution of making the machete. They should just use rocks (and make sure they put them back where they found them)

[blackman666ful]

@MrGameandSub Or maybe they should just use food as a weapon like they do here in the United States.

[Antoshik81]

Testicular squeezing instead of regular electric testicular torture! Hack everybody with machete - that's zero emissions right there! :)))))))))

[hamiltonjsh]

this is a world where the green party and republicans join in a coalition!

[hamiltonjsh]

69 people missed the ninja parade!

[RaggedM88]

:the sudanese have a long and bloody history of taking care of their environment" lmao

[Account0997]

I actually heard there was an argument to make the cleaning grease of atomic bombs more eco-friendly :)

[1787dude]

is this a joke????

[totallykeet]

@1787dude yes is it. but you may be the first to ask that ;)

[1787dude]

@totallykeet i saw this and another one of their videos and i was like "man this has to be a joke" its pretty fuckin funny

[blackknight509]

@1787dude Unfortunately not.

[1787dude]

@blackknight509 im probly the only person thats asked that

[funnyAnabell45]

That's zero admissions right there." XD

[heisheartless]

How can we make The War in Iraq more eco-friendly.

-easy.stop it.

[CoreyL11]

@heisheartless That happened like a year ago buddy

[jampt1989]

This is fucking genious

[capricorncoool]

OMG!  I love this news channel it should be on my cable.

[hoppinonabronzeleg]

Why don't we get out of Iraq, and instead invade Somalia, and stop thi ssenseless piracy, it will only fuel terrorism

[eatmytool1]

@hoppinonabronzeleg but if we're more eco-friendly...we can have wars in ALL of those places...and possibly even more!! It's a great idea!

[Baronstone]

@hoppinonabronzeleg Because a ware in Somalia would be over in a few days. There arent enough people there for an extended war and what would be the point if we couldnt milk it for 10 years or so?

[CoreyL11]

@hoppinonabronzeleg bro the war in Iraq's been over for almost a year. and the somali pirates are one of the targets in the global war on terror

[katproductionsinc]

Checkout "Spilling Our Blood For War"

[m1c000l]

just go in by foot and hack every living thing child woman man with a machette

[lovellae]

how ironic! their caring about the enviroment when they should be caring about the lives lost!

great statire.

[jaiaguilar1977]

"testicular squeezing rather than testicular electrocution.."

hahaha

[hardcore4523]

what the hell r they talk about viet

[ccricers]

This is an eco-race against terrorists who are using hybrid car bombs. When they can easily blow up a Toyota Prius, it's hard to stop them!

[AnonymousComrade]

I can't help but feel that people in North Korea are watching the Onion News, and being told its a major US station

[Alathaea]

@AnonymousComrade that might be preferable to them being shown Fox.

[thomashester2]

@AnonymousComrade i used to live in South Korea & it definitely is one of the only US news that comes in. Thank you TheOnion.

[ShaithMaster]

@AnonymousComrade haha nice

[XxKuRoTsUbAsAxX]

@AnonymousComrade HA! You're implying that people in North Korea have access to internet! :)

[Varien47]

@XxKuRoTsUbAsAxX  they have an intranet disguised as as the internet

[Snakebite105]

@AnonymousComrade Did you hear about N.Korea's global happieness pole? Their second after china but USA is last. I think its hilarious because its true. THey fear china and want it to sound more believable by making htemsevles 2nd

[kasuskasus]

@AnonymousComrade They have internet in North Korea?

[zanderaco]

@AnonymousComrade A chinese news station actually did a story on an Onion News episode in which it was comparing the baseball strike to a *fake* strike in congress

[AcousticUplift]

'Elegant its simplicity'. Haha! Who thinks of these? Brilliant. This reminds of the story I read about the eco-friendly bullet in the New Internationalist mag and how they balked at the irony.

[criuth]

What about increased CO2 emission as the soldier expends additional energy to swing that machete and chase after said living beings? That is increased emissions right there... :(

[restricted13]

Carpooling xD

[Trunkmonkeymaniac]

Sad thing is the government loves to handicap the military because of the damn hippies, they force the military (with the exeption of the marines and SOF; they said go F off) to use steel core bullets because lead is bad for the environment, hey fags you know whats bad for the environment? People who will use ANYTHING that will make a big boom. And to those who want to blame the US for "messing up the middle east" open a book, it has been a craphole forever we just brought the publicity.

[omega4chimp]

The states already won in Iraq. 

[wisewarrior7]

@omega4chimp Hahaha if you have a flexible definition of the word "won"

[SrryIThoughtUWasCorn]

Lol at the end thy brought up Rwanda genocide

[MsSunhappy]

the dig on north korea not feeding the army just too funny

[Ascensiam]

This is why the war is gay:

America is a dick

the Middle East is the asshole of the world

America fucked up the middle east real bad.

[Pentdad]

There is a weapon currently being tested in Japan, which is like a mammoth vacuum cleaner that sucks people and thing into the air for them to fall down again.

[888finite888]

testicular squeezing?! lol

would'nt a "bag tap" be more effective?

[rdvd7]

Well the Russian Air force has a Vacuum Bomb that has the equivalent power of a small Nuclear Warhead, but with no Radiation or Fallout.

[vehlajatt22]

we need to start investing in greener nukes

[SSTTEEAALLTTHH]

@vehlajatt22

You laugh. Russia has developed powerful non-nuclear ordnance because the radiation is such a drag. That's serious.

[jescarpita7180]

"what about a wind power generator, that has the same shock to the testies" LOLOLOLOLOLOL

[Pandemonius88]

'They save a lot of consumption because they simply don't feed them.'

'Elegant in it's simplicity.'

[MICHAELJONSTON]

What the fuck!!!

Why are you giving the american government ideas!!!

Noooooo!!!! (organic 100% fairtrade hemp sack thrown over my head and i'm now being beaten with recycled baseball bats)

[TheGreenerItGets]

@MICHAELJONSTON Hahaha! But the environment! You're not looking at the big picture.

[MICHAELJONSTON]

@TheGreenerItGets

You are totally right :P after my hard beating, being pissed on and metal chairs smashed into my face, I now totally respect our world need to respect the enviroment xD

[TheGreenerItGets]

@MICHAELJONSTON You see? Why waste energy generating biohazardous fluids, when you simply piss on a person? And no doubt that chair was made from aluminum cans. Way to take one for the team :-)

[MICHAELJONSTON]

@TheGreenerItGets

I cannot thumbs up this comment enough :P 

[TheGreenerItGets]

@MICHAELJONSTON Awe, thany you! Now put the hemp bag back over your head.

[TheGreenerItGets]

@TheGreenerItGets *thank.

[peoplz360]

9/11 INSIDE JOB STUPID SHEEP

[9billion2]

How can I make my balls taste like pine trees and lemons?

[ericsyutubeaccount]

@ochoo2008 the onion is a fake news show and now you look stupid

[jrnookiemonster]

I was about to leave a nasty comment simply because of the title, then I watched the video... LOL Oh my goodness, the format and sarcasm is amazing. You guys are awesome. Keep up the good work.

[p0tazzium]

Clifford Banes needs to get his shit together.

[mikedevildog07]

Is it me or is the first anchor guy the guy from the video hoax Swagger-Wagon?? here on youtube? If it is. This guy is badass. He deserves to work with the Onion. Thumbs up.

[scorael]

I can't believe that they can maintain that straight face while speaking like this

[Lightclops]

hahaha testicular squeezing

[Shexz13AD]

is this real or fake? i just thought they were being really really honest.

[turtelman1234]

@Shexz13AD its fake the onion just makes jokes watch ninja parade goes unnoticed yet again and youll see what im talking about

[goatbut29]

@turtelman1234 Lol, the Ninja parade is fucking genius! I think my fac so far is 'tiny dark wont stop barking after years..'. To see that sweet neighbor lady next door say 'id like to kill it' makes ROFL every time.

[stranger7138]

@Shexz13AD Is this real or fake? God O' Mighty. I'll bet your a college student too.

[Airsoftmanss]

"....and their fun to build". FUCKING HALRIOUS

[3billion3]

Plant flowers in all the dead eye sockets.

[undeadpresident]

Sadly, this is about as sane as the corporate media's discussion about the war in reality.

[Albirdosaur]

It's not emotions, emition, or emitions, it's EMISSIONS. Jesus.

[dan8852]

@Albirdosaur Disappointing. I agree.

[MrPhotomemories]

There's NO money in peace

[MrSafetymeeting]

organic missiles,green spray paint, biodegradeable bullets, sanitary mass grave sites. These things and more could make Iraq a greener place.

[wwwtotalitaerde]

My brother was tortured and murdered to stop him publishing in the internet. As a result of the BND torturing my brother our hompage had been offline between 2005 and the end of 2009. Censuring the internet through torture and murder is of concern to everyone using the internet or running a homepage.

German snitchers are following me on youtube and trying to suppress me making public the atrocities of their State through flagging.

Thumbs up if you want the BND stop torturing and murdering.

[TCzelusniak]

@wwwtotalitaerde uhhhh what?

[iceblue345]

stop using tanks and start using Ambulences...Its called P-E-A-C-E

[DeadWhiteButterflies]

Will we ever get to see Clifford Banes? His legacy seems to grow ever more with every In The Know episode XD

[JayVexVideo]

LMAO @ 0:44 "...and fun to build."

[dickcheney6]

"The hoods of the prisoners should be made of organic hemp"

But that would be counter productive because the prisoners would smoke them!

[Piepope]

@lesterclaypool1 they were trying to save on gas because it was the supplies were easy targets... or something like that. It was for safety reasons. Can't remember where I saw that.

[MrSafetymeeting]

Wind powered testicular electrocution torture would be a big step in the right direction.The old way is barbaric and wasteful!

[nomiclas]

@MrSafetymeeting let's dig up thomas edison and get his take!

[Piepope]

I heard they were actually going green with hybrid tanks & stuff

[lesterclaypool1]

@Piepope oh thank goodness ,,, its about time that we can wage war with out it effecting the enviroment

[ntheoret]

Duh, how about not making war, period... This video is pointless!!!

[TheSlevinCalevra]

@ntheoret You're literally too stupid to insult. It's a fucking joke.

[Lachdenan]

@TheSlevinCalevra In all seriousness, the people that think the Onion is real are the same masses who are manipulated into supporting idiotic governmental policies. It's funny to see it all play out like that.

[Raja221]

@ntheoret re4tarded. its fake. get a hint NOOB

[thestarsprism]

"The Sudanese have a long and bloody history of taking care of their environment." I cracked up.

[messenger360]

I have a better idea. Pull the troops out and end the war.

[SlipAllCityToy]

I heard a smart man saying;

"Youtube arguments are like special olympics, even if you win you are still a retard"

[tangyuehao]

The eco-friendly army of the future: A nude guy with body paint smeared dover him and armed with a wooden spear.

[flashman201]

I mean look at North Korea, it has the largest army in the world but they save a lot of consumption by not feeding them.

[oatmealclampickle]

libral dumbfucks worrying about Iraq being green.

[footballfreak145]

@oatmealclampickle conservative retard not realizing the videos fake.

[marek0086]

@footballfreak145~ its quite worrying isnt it?

That person may one day be responsible for making YOUR burger!

[SpEaKeRfReAk123]

"There is no reason that you have to be letting a bunch of toxins in the air to destroy a village. You simply go in there by foot, hack every living thing, child, woman, man, with a machete, that's 0 emotions right there, and that's a step in the right direction."

Wow that is funny.

[MexEatxDead]

@SpEaKeRfReAk123 He says 0 Emissions not emotions. Derp

[SpEaKeRfReAk123]

@MexEatxDead Ever heard of mistakes dipshit? or do you not have a life and you need to go around youtube looking at peoples comments and then correcting them.

[MexEatxDead]

@SpEaKeRfReAk123 Ever heard of rage, bro?

[SpEaKeRfReAk123]

@MexEatxDead Lol ever heard of a life? if not you should look into getting one.

[MexEatxDead]

@SpEaKeRfReAk123 Ever heard of ears? You should look into using them. :]. It was a small correction dont get your panties in a knot

[SpEaKeRfReAk123]

@MexEatxDead Oh believe me I am not getting anything in a knot, actually having a good laugh about it. I like your come back, well played, well won. :)

[stbays]

@MexEatxDead

What if he doesn't have ears? O.o Not everyone owns a pair of those. And I wouldn't want to try finding a pair on the second hand market.

[MasterKittez]

@SpEaKeRfReAk123 Don't mess with her, she's not in her fairy kingdom right now. So she's pretty cranky.

DON'T LOOK HER IN TEH EYES! O_O

[RolandWHK]

@SpEaKeRfReAk123 It's emission not emotions he said lol