First screenplay reading

[socrates4999]

It's good. I just  think you don't use enough subtext in your dialogue.

[JustinBieberGirl9514]

Great story!

[foshizle444]

nice story

[DKreviews1]

That's a great story can't wait till it's publised

[Tailean]

Great job man. I am a published screenplay/teleplay writer. Great story and well written. No need to worry about people stealing your hard work as long as you have them taken care of through the WGA. If someone did do that it would only help you because you would receive their pay checks :). Good luck to you.

[johnmonk66]

@Tailean Can you recommend an agent?

[Tailean]

@johnmonk66 To be honest, the biggest mistake most new screenwriters make is trying to find an agent to represent them. I would highly suggest for you to instead try to get a manager or an entertainment lawyer. In order to do that you will need a quarry letter and a synopsis. One other tip, keep in mind when you write that the first 5 pages mean everything. If you can get them to read the first 5 pages without stopping chances are you have a great screenplay. Good luck to you.

[johnmonk66]

@Tailean I do understand the advice, but most managers and lawyers only want you after your work is sold, or has on offer. Plus I am also finishing the novel, and everyone suggests to try and get the novel sold first.

[Tailean]

@johnmonk66 Yeah, you will find that there are a lot of people who say things that have never sold anything. The truth is its easier than most people make this on the net. Getting a manger is not hard at all, However, getting an agent is much harder indeed. Trying to sell something to a producer as a new guy in the industry, I mean its so rare. Although this has happened, I would bet a large amount of money that it has happened less times than the number of people who have won the lottery.

[AwesomeRyker]

I really enjoyed that, good job, if I were a film producer, I would make that a movie instantly. I would take out some of the literary value, unless you are writing a novel. But other than that, good job

[billygundum]

similar to a story i'm trying to create.

sifi, wormholes, time distortion ect.

plus getting fustrated in class

this may help thanks.

[johnmonk66]

@billygundum hope your is a lot different, my story is copyrighted and registered with the writers guild...which means if anyone steals my idea and uses it, i sue and get all the money

[billygundum]

@johnmonk66 sure is, worry not.

b4 this, i didn't realy kno what screen play was.

thanks

[ufoengines]

Still sounds like a novel. Sreenplays sould have no literary value. (So say the manuals on screenplay writing I've read)

Seems slow, but really good reading voice.

My next screenplay will be on a bank hold up by small time/part time crooks.

[johnmonk66]

the people who say screenplays have no literary value are the people who never write one. if writing screenplays was easy, everyone would do it.

your screenplay, sounds like a dozen other movies I have seen, I hope it is more unique then you make it sound.

[leroyinc]

Screenplays should have no literary value? What a bunch of nonsense! Any kind of literature, whether it be for literature itself or for the screen, should have literary value. I think those books you have been reading are misleading you.

[johnmonk66]

problem is you added your comment to my reply rather than the original guy who made the comment, lol, your comment has no literary value, he he

[BeastingIt]

If you're really serious about writing and selling a screenplay, I suggest getting the program Final Draft. Depending on the version you get and where you get it from, it can be relatively affordable and it really makes the screenplay writing process tremendously simpler.

[johnmonk66]

yes, thank you, this is final draft I am using, been using it for years.

[upturnedkangaroo]

i take it that Sarah has a stereotypical cockney accent?

[johnmonk66]

modeled after sherlocks housekeeper

[miramar9999]

the problem is to sell it !!

hollywood as you know prefers to steal

ideas and screenplay !!

[alanelba]

this sounds sooo great. i'm happy for you, i think it will be brilliant!!!

[jaimeone1]

Sorry I don't have ten minutes...what is the story about?

[johnmonk66]

sorry, i don't have ten minutes to tell you

[jaimeone1]

Yeah.... Well.... try taking ten minutes to tell an executive what this is about......(see what happens) I was only asking cause I work at a production office.....

[johnmonk66]

this is not a pitch, this is a reading of a scene

[jaimeone1]

That is why I asked, What it your story about? Is it finished?

[johnmonk66]

After a plague devastates the world, time travelers hunt dinosaurs to feed the masses. After a battle where the time machine is damaged, two hunters find themselves trapped in our time. They can stop the plague , but they know that changing the time line will erase everyone they love from existance.

It is finished, I am currently working on a smaller budget screenplay because it is near impossible for an unknown to sell a big budget feature script.

[stefanoaltieri]

Well, Johnny... It sounds optimistically promising. I wish you all the best of luck with it. Just keep in mind that the laborious hours spent hunched over writing and piecing together all the scenes and blending in the seams are the easy part. The Hard Part is yet to come. And hopefully for you it will come very soon. Don't take anyone's advice to paper. Stick to your guns. See you in 2313!

[johnmonk66]

thank you

[stefanoaltieri]

Maybe he could leave the office for a moment to remind Sarah of something, then upon re-entering he simply finds the beautiful future woman already there. Without the blue light effect. This way he must struggle with believing what's before him and create conflict within the first three pages. Here he is, trying to convince the world to look into his theory, and with just as much convivtion struggling to believe it himself as it's manifested before his own eyes.

[johnmonk66]

well this intro has been axed from the final screenplay, but it will remain in the novel

[stefanoaltieri]

Then perhaps his heir inherits the box, with the note, stashes it in an attic, and one day, in the future, the beautiful woman's present, his grandson discovers the box in the attic and the race to salvation begins. He finds the beautiful woman and happy ending.

[johnmonk66]

wow, good guess, something similiar happened in the first draft, it was found by a grandson who sent it to the government. they dug where the map said and found proof of time travel. but the woman won't be born until 2313, hint, hint.

[stefanoaltieri]

I'm just being imaginative here. It seems like that's where the story could lead. Great story. But if I am correct, please do what it takes to make me incorrect. If i'm going off in a different direction, then I'd like to see the rest.

[johnmonk66]

i will say this

1. the plague comes

2. 200 years later society starts rebuilding

3. an accident/war leaves the woman trapped in our time, before the plague

4. if she changes the past, everyone she cares about will blink out of existance

5. did I mention the dinosaurs?

[renarde]

okay first john, dont listen to that jackass, fuck that-you'd have to be pretty dumb to steal a screenplay that is been put up on youtube that 1,500 people have watched and listen too-stealing this, a dated uploading video is askin to get sued. Stevespeilberg down there doesnt know shit and claiming he is a real writer is bullshit-i have three films in preproduction at the age of 19, that doesnt make me more of a writer than you. if you write screenplays, you're a writer-enjoy it man, keep going

[johnmonk66]

thanks, funny thing is this scene didnt make it to the final script, lol

and it is registered with the writers guild

but yes, anyone who writes is a writer, i am not yet an author. authors get paid.

and yes, anyone who calls himself stevespeilberg is a wanna-be ass, lol

[markjhf]

"When yestaday comes again" nice!!!...lol

[screenrida]

i enjoyed it!

[stevespielberg]

You should begin with a synopsis.

[johnmonk66]

so it can be stolen?

[stevespielberg]

Seriously, you're nuts.

[johnmonk66]

you are the one pretending to be someone you are not

[stevespielberg]

Unlike you, I'm a real writer. You have to have a goddamn synopsis so you can sell your work.

[johnmonk66]

real writer with a fake name? it is easy to say your'e a writer, prove it

[tomo121buchan]

haha stevespielberg got his ass handed to him!

[WARMONGER101]

Your voice is very calming, I wanted to crawl up into a ball and sleep.  :-)

[piron416]

it is nice screen play keep the good job! I m i wrote a novel but i didnt get anything out of it ($), now i m tryin to write screen play lets see what happens.

[miramartomcat999]

the talent agency do watever they want

a bad screenplay will become a movie if you have friends in the business

they are at least 2000 films that did not bring any money or lose money!! so how do you explain that at the begging they were supposed to read the screenplay

[johnmonk66]

many, many movies are made without screenplays. a director just decides to make a movie about something and write a rough draft and shoots it.

and people write bad screenplays, people buy bad screenplays, and people make movies from bad screenplays.

[renarde]

an agent no but an agency yes. i actually had an agent but she sucked so now i have non, and in that time i was signed to write to feature due otu this year. my suggestion is looking for someone looking for a script, write it get paid etc - then try PMA agency

[johnmonk66]

thank you

[renarde]

FADE IN is no longer used, your first page should only have the title and written by name etc to be honest that was the only critism i have for you. For everyone else, type your dam screenplays, i have 2 movies coming otu this year one in may. discipline, passion and balls are all you need. so go out and get it done

[johnmonk66]

thank you for the info, can you recommend an agnet who will actually take time to read a new writers work? thanks again

[porn1978]

Can a screenplay be acceptable on regular sheet paper or does it have to be typed?

[johnmonk66]

considering that it is almost impossible to get a screenplay sold, you had better follow all the rules. most agents will not read anything if it is done incorrectly. read syd fields 'screenplay'.

the first reading of a screenplay is really just the reader or agent flipping through the pages to see if it looks like a screenplay. if its not up to par, he wont even read it. they figure if you dont care enough to bother typing it, its not worth reading

[porn1978]

Oh wow,that was a reality check for me lol.I was certain there was a way i could get around it but i guess not.Your video inspires me and gave me some ideas.Thanks John!

[hubble2016]

In the beginning you start off saying the grounds were Queit, and sweaty men are Mowing the grass. You sure you want to say that?

[johnmonk66]

quiet school grounds indicate a lack of students, not an absence of all sound. and who said men were mowing the grass? they are Cutting the grass, in 1929, no gas powered lawn mowers in 1929, just quiet push mowers.

[zerodollarfilmschool]

Wow, it's an interesting premise, John. If I may give you one piece of constructive criticism: show, don't tell!

There will always be facts that the audience needs to know, but exposition alone cannot move your story forward. Try to create visual, conflict-driven scenes where these facts are revealed through action rather than dialogue.

Best of luck with it!

[johnmonk66]

understood but...

this is just to introduce the mystery, I have to get a lot of info in the first ten pages. the story takes place in the future and this scene is just to catch interest.

but it is a little big budget for my first try, so i am working on some lower budget screenplays to get my foot in the door.

i think of this as my 'star wars' but i have to make my 'american grafitti' first, lol

[yankeesfan22vt]

"LATER" lol

[johnmonk66]

Wow, thought this would work, maybe I have to go to myspace next, lol.

[yuthchack]

just love to write screenplay to the story ,structure,idea,managwment ect, and then be wrote it .let's go.

[LittleTramp1921]

It sounds like a spoof.

[ohgoshdirector]

isnt this a rewrite of Ray Bradburys short story A Sound Of Thunder?

[johnmonk66]

no, but i will be sure to find it and read it now, thanks

[ohgoshdirector]

ok cool, good luck with the idea my friend, im a writer myself and its good to see some good stuff being written, do you know that you sound like Brando in Apocolypse Now when you speak??? you should do voice overs!!!

[am8tam]

hey bro i love your work i want to know if you want to wirte one for me i want to shot a film in afghanistan it is about Sep.2007: Movie clip of a 12-y-old girl in Herat province of Afghanistan, who has been given in a forced marriage and faces violence by her husband everyday.

She says: "Please help me get divorce, next time he will kill me, he injured me with a knife."

[johnmonk66]

if it is something you feel strongly about, get syd fields screenplay book, it is not as hard as you think

[knumberd]

very cool

[zenbassistfilmmaker]

Nice. I enjoyed this. Good work.

[JustLeftMovie]

Cool video. Your screenplay has a very cool start. I'm doing the same thing... trying to find connections by posting videos of my stuff. Check it out if you have time.

[johnmonk66]

saw your work, seems good, but you were optioned, did you have an agent? can you recommend one? sometimes an agent is all one needs.

[bocoboo]

A gripping start. However, if it's a feature length movie I think you are coming into it too quickly - delivering too much 'good stuff' to soon. Spin it out by giving us some character stuff - unless it's a short film.

[johnmonk66]

I can understand your point, but these characters are not the main characters, they only introduce the mystery. Once the plague the woman warns of takes place, a hundred years pass until time travel is invented. Then the main part of the tale takes place 65 million years in the past where future soldiers hunt dinosaurs to feed the starving survivors.

[bocoboo]

Aaah. I see now. The part you read is a teaser for the main story. That makes sense. Teasers need to be pointed and pithy. Seems like a winning script, John. Good luck and thanks for letting me read/hear it. Bob.

[zafwon]

I'm not connected, but I like it!