I have a bit of a problem when it comes to jealousy how did you manage to control and get over it? Please answer or make a video that'd be great :) (and helpful!)
@oldstock1607 I actually have to disagree. For me, it makes me feel good that my mates are also with other guys and they still want me. Monogamous girls would leave one guy for another if they want. Poly girls don't really do that.
So, all the people commenting negatively on here, I have to ask you: how did you even end up on this video? I know personally I tend to search for videos about things I support. Are you guys actually just sitting down at your computer and getting on youtube with the intent to search for things to bash?
In my day we used to call them 'sluts'. It doesn't matter what fancy label you try and put on it, simple fact is that you're slutting it with multiple partners simultaneously. There's always one girl like that in school/college/the work place etc and no one ever respects her.
@CommandoVault I'm surprised somebody with such a low ability to understand new concepts managed to find their way to a computer and type out a message!
I found you because I was looking a videos about working at a restaurant (and your video scares me about getting a job);) the way I see it,(with homosexuals too) what you do is not hurting anyone, I mean the people you date know what your doing, they are okay with it. You know what's best for you, don't listen to other people. Except for me;)
Hmmm... based on your definition I guess I was a "polyamory" when I was in high school. But then I realized I wasn't attracted to dudes and I fell in love with one of the chicks I was dating and got jealous and possessive of this girl and ended up having a 2 year monogamous relationship with her that ended in utter disaster... Anyway, do what you like. Why do you let these cunts bother you with their stupidity. If your happy who cares??
@Scratchy314 Not at all. I just prefer girls who DON'T fuck everybody. Makes a guy feel "special" when his girl isn't fucking an assload of different dudes. Call me weird like that.
Wow its been a long time, it looks there has been so many changes, but it doesn't matter because as long as you keep confidence and seek optimism in yourself you always have the ability of illuminating yourself and all that surrounds you in a positive manner.
Wow. You could be speaking directly to me right now. I wish I would have known about polyamory before.... it would have explained my "deal". I have never been able to be monogamous, but I am a good person. Now I am in a monogamous marriage with an alcoholic. I don't know what my next step is.
Thanks for posting this. I think it's really important for people to understand polyamory for what it is, simply loving who you love, instead of limiting that because of what society tells us, and making ourselves feel guilty about it. And it's your choice. You're not hurting anybody.
I back you 100%. I've been married 30 years as of this Thanksgiving. For most of those years, my wife and I have dated whomever we wanted. In fact, for the past 15 years, she has had a steady boyfriend who visits our home so much he is practically part of the family. Sometimes he travels with us. Sometimes one of my girlfriends travels with us. I would not pay attention to other people's hateful comments. They are totally ignorant.
So sorry you're getting rude and ignorant responses to your recent videos. Just wanted to let you know that I've been a subscriber for about 5 years, and while I agree that you are not the same person I thought you were when I first subscribed, my reaction has been "Damn, she's so much cooler than I thought she was. Glad she's feeling more comfortable showing this side of herself to the world." Keep being brave and being yourself, because who you are is beautiful :)
maybe it's because i am from a state with a huge history of polygamy but i never saw polyamorous relation ships as something that was that odd. (not that i agree with religious polygamy or think it is the same thing because it is not, it's just what introduced me to the idea that more than two people could be in a marriage or relationship.) i think it's really cool that you want to educate people with your experiences.
@w1tchmom If she were in a monogamous relationship would you expect her to never say anything about her partner? I think it's great that she's addressing this issue. And she's not just addressing it for herself, she's addressing it for the sake of people understanding polyamory. Also, the idea that somebody should just stop speaking their mind because they are upset about something is kind of ludicrous, why should she do that?
I follow the ancient wisdom of Sly Stone: "Different strokes for different folks." Do what is right for you and don't pay any attention to those jerks.
I've always go with the philosophy of each to their own as long as it doesn't hurt anyone and as long as the whole thing is consenting... no one should really have a problem with it if it's your life.
The funny thing about polyamory is it isnt acutally 'new'. In fact, monogamy is the 'new' way of life in the west for the past 1000 years or so....humans and animals alike are naturally atracted to multiple partners...its mother nature...nothing new about that :)
I would think that more guys would be into polyamory than girls, because most guys are simply interested in having sex with as many partners as possible. But guys don't necessarily want or need the emotional relationship that goes along with the sex, whereas girls seem to seek and need the emotional component more often than not.
Great video, I'm so thankrful to hear from an open minded person. I don't really believe in monogamy, I find it unnatural. But I am a really jealous person so I probably couldn't handle people who I was seeing being with other people. It's so confusing and it sucks!
This was really interesting, Rem, thank you for it. Polyamory is not for me but I've always had an open mind to it. I was curious about what it's like and how it works but didn't want to experience it for myself - this has answered some of my questions, so to say. I would love it if you started a blog about your experiences!
I LOVE you, Rem. Just saying. I really think polyamory is so awesome. Unfortunately, I don't think it would work for me. But I think it's wonderful that it works for you! It's terrible that so many people are so close-minded. :( I'm glad you turned your anger into something productive, and I'm glad you're educating people on something so important to you. ^^
What happens when the 33%-33%-33% shifts to say 25-50-25? Do you become a -bad- polygamist? How does one love many fully? You have to do something differently with one partner, that if understood by the other members would spark jealousy or anger or sadness in another partner. How do you work around/with that? Do you find partners with different levels or intimacy or self worth to balance the issue?
@GaijinTenshi Do you mean like what happens when I'm closer to one partner than I am to another? Oh dear, that happens all the time and it's not a bad thing! There are many different ways to be polyamorous. Some people do have relationships where everything is, as you say 33-33-33. Other people have a primary partner and a secondary partner. How does one love many fully? Think of it like this: When you have a second child, do you love your first child less? No, of course not. (to be continued)
@GaijinTenshi (continued) Your heart expands to encompass both children. Well, it works the same way with polyamory. Your heart expands. There is room for more than one person in the heart. And can you explain what you mean by doing something differently with one partner that would spark jealousy in another? Gimme an example to work with, haha.
Although i can't relate to your situation/feelings on this i don't think anyone has the right to judge or bring you down about it. I think what it comes down to is everyone should do exactly what it is that makes them happy (provided they aren't hurting anyone in the process). I really hate when people take it upon themselves to make decisions for what other people should and shouldn't be doing.
You have to do whatever makes you happy in this life. Don't worry about what other people think, you're not living their lives, you're living yours. People who criticize you are simply ignorant and close minded.
@LaBeefy101 Well, it is important to me to educate and open minds, so that is why I worry. I expect better of people and I fully intend to do my part to make the world a more aware and compassionate place. :)
I think polyamiry is super interesting but it makes me kinda depressed since I have such a hard time meeting and connecting with one person (and then it all goes to hell because of weird jealousy and possessiveness), and then I hear the polyamory people going "I love multiple people and everything is great!". So I guess I'm jealous :p
@pete275 Hahah understandable. I've had an incredible amount of fortune finding remarkable people who are willing to be with me. I'm only 23 and I've already been in love three times! But there's a downside to getting close to so many amazing people: you eventually lose all those amazing people.
you should make a blog. i would love to learn more about polyamory. i always respected ur decisions. and im happy that ur happy. =] also u have really nice and toned arms.
Yeah i guess its just something i can't understand. I have no beef with it, its your life and we live in a free country so do whatever makes you happy no matter what people like me think.
i would love to read your blog on polyamory or your experiences with it. i'm not personally into it but i love learning about it and hearing about it. go you. c: <3
I stumbled upon your "smoking kills" video back in 2006. Watched your videos ever since. I think you're taking those stupid comments way too serious. Bring back the buoyant spirit you once had - it's been a long time since I saw you laughing lustily.
Anyway, here's my question: Have you traveled anywhere else in the world (except within the US)?
Happy holidays from Austria (Europe) - the home of Mozart and Arnold Schwarzenegger ;)
@zNARFi I reject the idea that humans are supposed to be emotional brick walls and not take any negative comments seriously or ever admit to caring about anything. I think it's dumb that people are so obsessed with being apathetic. I care about the negative comments I get because I expect better of people, and I care about the state of our world. I think that's a good way to be.
As for seeing me laugh, I suppose you should catch me in person. I almost never stop laughing. :)
@zNARFi I've been to Canada but only a little bit. When I was a kid I lived like an hour from Niagra Falls so we took some trips up into Canada around that area several times, but that's it. I hope that one day Ig et to see much, much more of the world. :) Thank you and happy holidays to you as well!
you should definitely start a blog. Also, has there ever been a problem with you and william liking the same person? if not, have you talked about what you would do if that happened?
@moopsykins Hmmm. Not really, not yet at least? We have extremely similar taste in girls so I wouldn't be surprised if it happens one day. If it does, I'm sure we'll talk about it and one or both of us would be willing to step down.
@paytotheorderofofof2 Would you ever consider sharing somebody between the two of you? I don't know if this is too personal, but it just kind of occurred to me since you are, for lack of better words, sharing yourselves with other people.
@NicoleHovey Absolutely, but it would have to be a very specific kind of person. They'd definitely have to be right for the part, because three person relationships can be reeeally difficult. But I'd be open to it if it felt right and I thought we could make it work.
OK, weird question but I am kinda interested in this now.. not for myself just that it is something I know nothing about. What if you have kids with one of your partners... does that through the balance a little bit? Like would you become more serious with the dad of the baby? Sorry if I am being uber nosy just curious. :) x
@xXmichaela1Xx No no you're not being nosy, and it's okay to be curious! I actually don't want to have kids and neither do either of the people I'm dating, haha. That being said, if I ever were to have kids then obviously there would be a special parenting bond there with the father, but I don't think that would necessarily determine who I am romantically closer to.
@mycathasbeenstolen Well it was a long process that involved basically being more logical than emotional, arguing with myself in my head and presenting objective, reasonable points and reminding myself that what I'm feeling is irrational and this is why, etc etc... I could go more indepth about it but it's a lot to describe so maybe I'll save it until I start a blog!
The fact people are 'disgusted' that you are polyamorous confuses me. I am not bothered nor do I know anybody who would be. Be Polyamorous I dont care, dont be polyamrous I dont care. That kinda thing is just not important to me. I dont judge anyone cause of their personal preferences in life. I am a happy monogamous person so you should totes be a happy polyamourist (?) and the way your face brightens when you speak about your partners you are happy so that is all that matters. :)
@xXmichaela1Xx :)))) I am glad there are people like you in this world. And I am so pleased to hear that my face brightens when I speak of them, haha, they definitely brighten my life.
'you may do whatever you want as long as you're not hurting people' That's fair enough. You're perfectly free (and others are, too) to choose what your personal and sexual life should be like. Not everybody will agree with you, but who cares? You shouldn't care. Criticism in youtube is normal, all kind of different people watch your videos, so don't puzzle your head trying to understand why others critisize you here! Just do what you think is right! You're very brave being so honest! Hugs
@palabrasmagicas Well, I do care and I don't think it's bad to care! I don't care in a "boohoo, don't be mean to me" way, I care in a "this is messed up, we should all open our minds and get educated" kind of way. I expect more from people, and that's why I care. :) Thanks dear.
I say to each their own! I have never tried polyamory as I think for me it would be too time consuming and relationsips are hard work...one would be enough for me lol :)
People will always be ignorant about others choices or ways of life...thats their issue not yours. Be happy x
You shouldnt let people bother you with comments, if your happy that's all that matters, I wouldn't be into polyamory myself but I wouldn't frown upon anyone who was in that type of relationship, each to their own as they say. I have a hypothetical question, if William decided he wanted monogamy again with someone else, would it still feel like a breakup?
@Adz2@Adz2 Well the thing about me is that I don't get bothered by people's comments because of how they attack me, I moreso get upset because of how horrible people are to each other when I know we are capable of so much more kindness, compassion, understanding, etc. I get upset because of how people treat each other in general, not because of how they treat me. If I'm happy then that may be all that matters to me, but... (tbc)
@Adz2 .... I'm not just thinking about me, I'm thinking about the whole world and humanity and how we treat each other. Hahaha I know, I'm ridiculous, but I care about that kind of thing a lot. Anyway, onto your question! If William decided he wanted monogamy with someone else then yeah, that would absolutely feel like/be a break up. Why wouldn't it? I'd be losing him and that would break my heart! I love having him as a partner and it would be seriously sad to lose him in that capacity. :(
This was super interesting thank you for the in depth explanation! Good luck with everything! I have thought you were awesome since the love square/triangle.
@mariano26788 Cheating is when you do something with somebody else behind your partner's back and against their wishes. Polyamory is you do something with somebody else and all people involved are aware of the each other and the situation, and agree to it and are happy with it. There is a pretty clear difference. One is dishonest and hurtful, and one is honest and ethical.
I don't get it either. Why does anyone care? I think it's perfectly fine. In fact, I just don't get what upsets people about polyamory, polygamy, being gay, trans, bi, whatever! People should just live how they wish and not hurt other people and whatever is fine.
@WhistleStix Hahah well thats good to know! I actually recorded this two times prior to this version. The first two were much angrier, and I didn't like the harsh tone to them. So I kept recording until finally I relaxed and was able to express myself passionately but patiently. I'm glad to hear I did a decent job saying what I needed to say. Thank you!
@paytotheorderofofof2 Haha, I almost remarked about how patient you were being with your antagonists. Patient is the exact word I was going to use. But for various reasons I wasn't comfortable leaving that specific of a comment.
@harlequin0823 Hahah thank you! And yeah definitely not hurting anyone, at least not intentionally. I'm very careful to treat my partners with the utmost care and respect.
How many people do you date at once?? I once dated four women at the same time all in one good sized king bed it was the best time of my life and also outsiders don't get it cause we as a people have been brain washed into the Christian way of thinking you know one man and one woman cause this country we call America was built on Christian fundamentals if we as a people can get a lot more of a open mind frame we as a people would understand other peoples lifestyle more
@JDHoffa The most I've ever dated at once is two! I would be open to more if the situation called for it, but honestly it seems really difficult. I'm not a person who likes to go out and socialize very much, so just these two guys have filled my plate for now. Between my job and them, I barely have time to myself anymore! So I'm not exactly wanting to take on a third or fourth emotional attachment right now, haha. I'd be open to something casual/purely sexual though!
Awesome job at turning a negative into a positive. :-) I wish I could teach some people in my life to understand things about me that aren't "socially acceptable".
@RedQueenxo It can be reeeeally difficult to reach people sometimes. But, like others have told me in these video comments, what matters most is how happy you are with yourself and your life. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. And if you choose to, and they still aren't accepting, then thats their problem and not yours.
I'm so proud of you Remy. I've been watching your videos for a while and I love the way you express yourself and the way you think. You have changed, yes, but it happens to everyone, and I love the way you explained yourself in this video, even though you shouldn't need to explain a thing. And you look gorgeous as always. :) Love you, Rem! :)
@NirvanaForeverOhYeah Ahhh this is such a nice comment, it made me smile ear to ear. Acceptance, understanding, and a pinch of flattery. You have me blushing and as giddy as a school girl.
The first time I came across Polyamory was on your tumblr. I understood what it was, then I moved on. I don't understand how in this day and age, with so many different types of relationship options and sexuality that people still get upset over something "new". If it's not for them, that's fine, but it really isn't their place to judge other peoples choices. Oh the internet. Grow up.
i think your way of doing things is awesome, especially if that works for you and william. im pretty sure if i did that my downfall wouldn't be jealousy or anything, but dating one person can be exhausting, i cant image doing it with more then one person all the time. I think i love alone time too much haha.
I guess i don't get it. So one person, one relationship isn't enough for you? I understand your logic i guess just not your practicality on the issue. Why not just focus on one relationship and give everything to make that work. Why split your time and energy?
And in my honest opinion as a male i have to say i doubt this type of relationship works for very long. Jealousy can be contained but it is always there under the surface.
@Andothul I have a few poly friends, it's (for them) more that they can love multiple people.. My friends are in a closed poly circle, so its four of them and they don't see anyone out side of the four of them, when/if someone attempts to date one of them they're sort of half dating all of them, it's interesting and the concept is nothing new.. Though as im sure my reply shows, there's many different ideas on the life style.
@Andothul First I want to point out that plenty of poly relationships last for many years. It's not about CONTAINING jealousy, it's about rationalizing and overcoming jealousy.
Being "enough" is a monogamous perspective. If you want to get it, you've gotta look at this from a poly perspective! Poly people do not look at others as being "enough." I'm going to quote somebody who I think says it better than I can. It's lengthy but I encourage you to read the whole thing! To be continued...
@Andothul “The most important thing here is to get over the idea that a person’s value is measured by whether SHE ALONE can be “enough” for another person. The world is infinite and so are we—no amount of living, no number or depth of interactions with others should be “enough” for any of us, just as no amount of interactions with a person you love will ever be “enough.” To set borders on what another person can do or feel, as a condition for them to be able to receive my love (to be continued)
@Andothul (pt 2) and affection, goes against everything I believe in as an anarchist and a human being; I want to trust others to know what they need, and never limit them—and I certainly don’t think MY life will be any richer from the limitations I place on others. We have to free each other to be and become ourselves. This isn’t just about other lovers or sex partners or friends, it’s also about other undertakings, needs, even the desire for space and solitude— (to be continued again)
@Andothul (pt 3) it’s heartbreaking how much of our selves our lovers often as us to sacrifice to be with them.
I want to be valued for what I am, for what I do naturally, not how well I conform to some pre-set list of needs that someone has. If someone else can fill some of those needs, I wouldn’t deny that to anyone, and I don’t want to be jealous when others have something different to offer; I just want the chance to offer what I have to give to those I love, and to remember (TBC)
@Andothul (pt 4) that those things are priceless and not comparable to whatever unique gifts others may have.
None of us should ever be saddled with the role of sole provider for someone’s needs (romantic or otherwise), anyway; our purpose on this earth is not to serve others, but to find ways to be ourselves in ways that also benefit others. By saying the rest of the world isn’t off limits to your partner, you free yourself of the JOB of being the whole world to your partner.”
@Andothul I think thats a pretty awesome quote, and I hope maybe it showed you a new perspective?
It's really not about one person being enough. It's about loving so many different types of people, and knowing that everyone can offer me different, unique, special things, and I want to experience them all and appreciate what they bring into my life. Why not just focus on one relationship and give everything to make that work? I have! I did it for many years, and I found out... (TBC AGAIN haha)
@Andothul that that just isn't how my brain works and thats not how I'm happy. Being limited to one person is, well, a limit to me. My mind and heart are happier without limits, when they are free. I am young, I have a lot to see and do in this world, and I would not be okay being tied down to one single person, one experience, for the rest of my life... especially not starting in my early 20s.
Splitting my time and energy so that I can have more awesome experiences is just what I like to do. :)
@paytotheorderofofof2 i feel like a lot of young people are faced with this dilemma, they want to experience the world and different people and different places and i know i feel this way, so its hard to settle down with one person for an extended period of time, so i guess polyamory sounds good in this way and i'm so fascinated in it and in you for being able to pull it off and be happy with it, i just feel like the kind of people i would want to be with would not accept polyamory,
@paytotheorderofofof2 or their friends/family wouldn't etc. and i'm sure its all to do with what society has shaped our perceptions of relationships to be that most people feel this way. i'm just wondering how you find other people who are accepting of this way of life? i applaud you for being able to get over your jealousy, i personally like to feel special like i am the only girl my boyfriend sees.
@rainbowdoona and like that he is the only person i tell my secrets, hopes, dreams and most personal things to on a day to day basis. but this was very interesting thankyou! and sorry for the super long comment
@lenfantterribleX I've got two possible responses for you, you can pick whichever one you like best.
1. Whore, slut, skank, etc are concepts invented to oppress womens sexuality and make them feel shame and guilt for indulging in their normal, natural sexual inclinations.. the same inclinations that men are encouraged to indulge in. It's a nonsensical, harmful, antiquated concept that should be eradicated in the minds of anyone who respects women.
1: Just because I find something gross doesn’t make it so as such a term is subjective and therefore should not affect my opinion of a person. 2: If somebody is talking about the kinkiest stuff they’ve ever done, and they mention something and you don’t know what it is, look it up an a website with no images (learned that the hard way).
Sorry if my use of the word gross was offensive to you.
@LinkMEP Hahah aw, it's all good! All of us, no matter how open minded, still have more room to grow and learn and open up some more. I think it is awesome that you thought critically and challenged yourself. To me, that says a lot more about you than your initial reaction of "ew gross." Besides, there was a time when I said "ew gross" to some of the things I've done too. :P
And hahaha laughing so hard at learning the hard way to look on a website with no images. Hahahaha.
I always try to have an open mind myself. I don’t usually have a problem having an open mind. Though, and I hate to admit this, there was one time I did briefly have a problem having an open mind with one thing you said a couple videos ago. It was one of the things you mentioned with kinkiest stuff. But I applied some critical thinking, and came to two conclusions.
Two conclusions continued in next posting, sorry couldn't fit it into one.
Hi. I wanted to tell you that I think you are an awsome person and a very mature person to handle these negative comments in the way you did. I don't think it is anyones place to judge anyone else. I love the person you are. Keep making videos and I want to say Thank you. Thank you for educating the ignorant on polyamory relationships. Maybe it will open a few minds and change the world even if its just a little.
@RainbowPridePaw Thank you. :) I don't know if I always respond to negativity so well, sometimes I slip up and lose my temper a bit. But I try to turn my frustration into something more productive, which is how this video came about. :) Thank YOU. Thank you for being open and accepting, and for leaving me a comment that made me smile.
@tom9152a Hahah well I think they would both be there holding my hand if I get cancer and die! They both care about me a lot. But I would say that my long term partner is a bigger part of my life, as I have known him for 7 years and we've been together for over two years... The other guy, I've only been dating for a few months and we're not even at boyfriend/girlfriend level (yet?).
@tom9152a And the thing is that I am so much better at expressing myself through written word rather than spoken word, plus writing is much less time consuming and doesn't require privacy, so I'd be able to update much more often!
isnt being Polyamory just a cool way of saying huge slut, I'm kidding you've come along way from the 17 yo who use to shake when you making videos for this place
@Stargrave I've definitely heard that before but without the "I'm kidding" at the end, lol. Yeah I've definitely come a long way and changed a lot, but hey that's bound to happen. Can't stay 17 forever.... and frankly I'm glad for that. Being a teenager sucks. Hahah.
I found this video very interesting and mind-opening. HOWEVER! You should never feel like you have to defend against other people's ignorance. Just be comfortable in what you are and don't worry about explaining yourself. :)
@DreamerOfNight Ohhh, I know! People are always telling me that, hahah. I know I don't need to defend or explain myself to anyone, but I always end up doing this anyway, hahah. I always think... If I can educate one person, if I can open one persons mind... then its worth it. So I always end up spending a lot of time explaining myself even though I know I don't have to. Thank you, you're a darling. :)
I think polyamory is just another form of love. If you can openly accept queer people but then turn around and chastise polyamorous people, then you're a hypocrite, plain and simple. For you, Rem, have you ever dealt with jealousy from partners? Does your being polyamorous ever put strain on your relationships? Do you date only others who are polyamorous, or do you date, I guess they would be "monoamorous" people, so long as they are okay with your polyamory?
@thecatseatenit I agree! Saying I'm lost and confused because I'm poly is no better than saying I'm lost and confused because I'm not heterosexual. To say either is extremely derogatory and offensive!
Yeah I've dealt with jealousy from my partners. Sometimes William finds himself getting a wee bit jealous when I go out on a date with someone new or something. When that happens, we just sit down and talk about it, and I help him rationalize those feelings by remembering that... (TBC)
@thecatseatenit (part 2) my feelings for other people do not threaten my feelings for him. So far I have not had other people get jealous of William very much. I'm kind of selective about who I get involved with, so most people I get involved with are really chill and understanding... that helps. Onto your next Q... I don't think being polyamorous has put strain on my relationships, not any more than being monogamous did, at least. In fact, I think being poly has put much less strain... TBC
@thecatseatenit (part 3) on my relationships than being monogamous did! And I date people who are both polyamorous and monogamous. I do not mind if my partner wants to date other people, nor do I mind if they don't want to. As long as they don't expect ME to be monogamous, you know? Currently my long term partner, William, is polyamorous. The new guy I'm dating, Robert, is typically monogamous. So yeah, as long as they know what to expect from me, I don't care which way they swing with it. :)
@paytotheorderofofof2 That's really interesting, thank you for such an in-depth answer! I think it's wonderful that you've found the way of love that makes YOU happy. Because at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what anyone else posts on a website. ;) I hope you continue to find happiness!
I've been poly for three years now and have learned one thing. the only people who can truly except and understand polyamory are people in a poly relationship. i've stopped trying to justify my lifestyle a long time ago. i got tired of people's minds literally shutting down in mid conversation. i've noticed that the average person would much rather and happily except, if i was lying and cheating on my girlfriends rather then "yeah, we all know and care about each other".
@Jacknthemonkeys Agh I totally know what you mean. On one hand, I have no faith in people and I share your views. On the other hand, I'm a perpetual optimist about people, and I find that i'm pretty good at opening minds, so I just can't help but try!
i have done some gender studies classes etc at uni, and i tend to view labels, particularly in terms of gender as sexuality, as restricting and unhelpful. i havent come across polyamory before, (and i dont really know how to word this properly), but im curious how you go about explaining that you're polyamorous when you meet someone new.. i imagine many people wouldnt understand or be open to it. what has that been like for you? hope this isnt ignorant, im just curious as to how it all works!
@heycatters Yeah I definitely understand why you view labels that way. I, personally, find labels to be comfortable and useful! But thats just me, and obviously not everyone has to feel that way. We've all got different experiences, you know?
And that's a good question! But when you say "meet someone new" - do you mean romantically, or just anyone I meet? I guess I'll answer for both. :P
When I meet new people not romantically, I usually don't mention it until I feel like we're... (tbc)
I believe it is great that people are bringing about this topic, it is our future as we shoud know better.
I wish, I really wish, that someday we can overcome outdated mindsets and embrace our fulfilment as individuals in a loving society.
theawesomebeliever 1 week ago
I have a bit of a problem when it comes to jealousy how did you manage to control and get over it? Please answer or make a video that'd be great :) (and helpful!)
xJackieBabyyx 3 weeks ago
lol.....wow just wow......it's funny when people think that creating a fancy word and definition for something can make it right.... blows my mind.
jaykarfumos 3 weeks ago
@jaykarfumos Can you please explain what exactly is wrong about polyamory?
paytotheorderofofof2 3 weeks ago
so i was in an open relationship but jealousy got the better of me and it ended badly. :'( how did you learn to control it?
wurpol01 3 weeks ago
@oldstock1607 I actually have to disagree. For me, it makes me feel good that my mates are also with other guys and they still want me. Monogamous girls would leave one guy for another if they want. Poly girls don't really do that.
Devidedistand 3 weeks ago
So, all the people commenting negatively on here, I have to ask you: how did you even end up on this video? I know personally I tend to search for videos about things I support. Are you guys actually just sitting down at your computer and getting on youtube with the intent to search for things to bash?
Devidedistand 3 weeks ago
In my day we used to call them 'sluts'. It doesn't matter what fancy label you try and put on it, simple fact is that you're slutting it with multiple partners simultaneously. There's always one girl like that in school/college/the work place etc and no one ever respects her.
CommandoVault 4 weeks ago
@CommandoVault I'm surprised somebody with such a low ability to understand new concepts managed to find their way to a computer and type out a message!
paytotheorderofofof2 4 weeks ago
I found you because I was looking a videos about working at a restaurant (and your video scares me about getting a job);) the way I see it,(with homosexuals too) what you do is not hurting anyone, I mean the people you date know what your doing, they are okay with it. You know what's best for you, don't listen to other people. Except for me;)
91Brittany1 1 month ago
Hmmm... based on your definition I guess I was a "polyamory" when I was in high school. But then I realized I wasn't attracted to dudes and I fell in love with one of the chicks I was dating and got jealous and possessive of this girl and ended up having a 2 year monogamous relationship with her that ended in utter disaster... Anyway, do what you like. Why do you let these cunts bother you with their stupidity. If your happy who cares??
mma0tomars 1 month ago
Don't let stupid people get you down. Stay poly and proud. :)
Scratchy314 1 month ago
I fully support you dear, I love you and your videos, please take care of yourself xoxo
asstudios 1 month ago
I have actually considered being polyamourous and am thinking of actually doing it
dravensonly92 1 month ago
You're not confused. You're just what's colloquially known as a "greasy whore."
oldstock1607 1 month ago
@oldstock1607 u so jelly
Scratchy314 1 month ago
@Scratchy314 Not at all. I just prefer girls who DON'T fuck everybody. Makes a guy feel "special" when his girl isn't fucking an assload of different dudes. Call me weird like that.
oldstock1607 1 month ago 2
Wow its been a long time, it looks there has been so many changes, but it doesn't matter because as long as you keep confidence and seek optimism in yourself you always have the ability of illuminating yourself and all that surrounds you in a positive manner.
KickingAssDaily 1 month ago
Wow I've haven't watched your videos in like years. You're not married to James yet?
mrmitch 1 month ago
Wow. You could be speaking directly to me right now. I wish I would have known about polyamory before.... it would have explained my "deal". I have never been able to be monogamous, but I am a good person. Now I am in a monogamous marriage with an alcoholic. I don't know what my next step is.
morganviolet 1 month ago
People are always going to hate, just enjoy your life and thanks for the video!
tacticusunum 2 months ago
Love this video. Great attitude and explanation. You rock!! :D
MRFritcher 2 months ago
Thank you, angel. I feel the same way you do. Good job saying as it is.
Timotheus157 2 months ago
OMG you are so hot !!!
qqbloodlover 2 months ago
can i be polyamory with you
phunkroller 2 months ago
Polyamory lets people spread more positivity over a shorter amount of time so therefor its good :)
psyborg303 2 months ago
Thanks for posting this. I think it's really important for people to understand polyamory for what it is, simply loving who you love, instead of limiting that because of what society tells us, and making ourselves feel guilty about it. And it's your choice. You're not hurting anybody.
NicoleHovey 2 months ago in playlist Uploaded videos
I back you 100%. I've been married 30 years as of this Thanksgiving. For most of those years, my wife and I have dated whomever we wanted. In fact, for the past 15 years, she has had a steady boyfriend who visits our home so much he is practically part of the family. Sometimes he travels with us. Sometimes one of my girlfriends travels with us. I would not pay attention to other people's hateful comments. They are totally ignorant.
AndyySerrano 2 months ago
So sorry you're getting rude and ignorant responses to your recent videos. Just wanted to let you know that I've been a subscriber for about 5 years, and while I agree that you are not the same person I thought you were when I first subscribed, my reaction has been "Damn, she's so much cooler than I thought she was. Glad she's feeling more comfortable showing this side of herself to the world." Keep being brave and being yourself, because who you are is beautiful :)
nonebutourselves 2 months ago
maybe it's because i am from a state with a huge history of polygamy but i never saw polyamorous relation ships as something that was that odd. (not that i agree with religious polygamy or think it is the same thing because it is not, it's just what introduced me to the idea that more than two people could be in a marriage or relationship.) i think it's really cool that you want to educate people with your experiences.
leggsXinXaXtopXhat 2 months ago
i understand
ambinautic 2 months ago
If you are so bothered by peoples comments stop putting it out there..It's no ones business but your own..
w1tchmom 2 months ago
@w1tchmom If she were in a monogamous relationship would you expect her to never say anything about her partner? I think it's great that she's addressing this issue. And she's not just addressing it for herself, she's addressing it for the sake of people understanding polyamory. Also, the idea that somebody should just stop speaking their mind because they are upset about something is kind of ludicrous, why should she do that?
NicoleHovey 2 months ago
I follow the ancient wisdom of Sly Stone: "Different strokes for different folks." Do what is right for you and don't pay any attention to those jerks.
OpContinental 2 months ago in playlist Uploaded videos
I've always go with the philosophy of each to their own as long as it doesn't hurt anyone and as long as the whole thing is consenting... no one should really have a problem with it if it's your life.
townofed 2 months ago
From what I can see you been in this apartment since the "me 2010" video do you like it in that place??
JDHoffa 2 months ago
The funny thing about polyamory is it isnt acutally 'new'. In fact, monogamy is the 'new' way of life in the west for the past 1000 years or so....humans and animals alike are naturally atracted to multiple partners...its mother nature...nothing new about that :)
BlueBellyfluff 2 months ago
I would think that more guys would be into polyamory than girls, because most guys are simply interested in having sex with as many partners as possible. But guys don't necessarily want or need the emotional relationship that goes along with the sex, whereas girls seem to seek and need the emotional component more often than not.
kbrdmn2 2 months ago
Great video, I'm so thankrful to hear from an open minded person. I don't really believe in monogamy, I find it unnatural. But I am a really jealous person so I probably couldn't handle people who I was seeing being with other people. It's so confusing and it sucks!
strawberrysatine 2 months ago
This was really interesting, Rem, thank you for it. Polyamory is not for me but I've always had an open mind to it. I was curious about what it's like and how it works but didn't want to experience it for myself - this has answered some of my questions, so to say. I would love it if you started a blog about your experiences!
hermionebubble 2 months ago
I LOVE you, Rem. Just saying. I really think polyamory is so awesome. Unfortunately, I don't think it would work for me. But I think it's wonderful that it works for you! It's terrible that so many people are so close-minded. :( I'm glad you turned your anger into something productive, and I'm glad you're educating people on something so important to you. ^^
AnAbsoluteZero 2 months ago in playlist Uploaded videos
did you watch laci green's polyamory video?
squirrelywrath2 2 months ago
What happens when the 33%-33%-33% shifts to say 25-50-25? Do you become a -bad- polygamist? How does one love many fully? You have to do something differently with one partner, that if understood by the other members would spark jealousy or anger or sadness in another partner. How do you work around/with that? Do you find partners with different levels or intimacy or self worth to balance the issue?
GaijinTenshi 2 months ago
@GaijinTenshi Do you mean like what happens when I'm closer to one partner than I am to another? Oh dear, that happens all the time and it's not a bad thing! There are many different ways to be polyamorous. Some people do have relationships where everything is, as you say 33-33-33. Other people have a primary partner and a secondary partner. How does one love many fully? Think of it like this: When you have a second child, do you love your first child less? No, of course not. (to be continued)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@GaijinTenshi (continued) Your heart expands to encompass both children. Well, it works the same way with polyamory. Your heart expands. There is room for more than one person in the heart. And can you explain what you mean by doing something differently with one partner that would spark jealousy in another? Gimme an example to work with, haha.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
Although i can't relate to your situation/feelings on this i don't think anyone has the right to judge or bring you down about it. I think what it comes down to is everyone should do exactly what it is that makes them happy (provided they aren't hurting anyone in the process). I really hate when people take it upon themselves to make decisions for what other people should and shouldn't be doing.
radlikemad 2 months ago
@radlikemad Absolutely agreed!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
You have to do whatever makes you happy in this life. Don't worry about what other people think, you're not living their lives, you're living yours. People who criticize you are simply ignorant and close minded.
LaBeefy101 2 months ago
@LaBeefy101 Well, it is important to me to educate and open minds, so that is why I worry. I expect better of people and I fully intend to do my part to make the world a more aware and compassionate place. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I think polyamiry is super interesting but it makes me kinda depressed since I have such a hard time meeting and connecting with one person (and then it all goes to hell because of weird jealousy and possessiveness), and then I hear the polyamory people going "I love multiple people and everything is great!". So I guess I'm jealous :p
pete275 2 months ago 3
@pete275 Hahah understandable. I've had an incredible amount of fortune finding remarkable people who are willing to be with me. I'm only 23 and I've already been in love three times! But there's a downside to getting close to so many amazing people: you eventually lose all those amazing people.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
you should make a blog. i would love to learn more about polyamory. i always respected ur decisions. and im happy that ur happy. =] also u have really nice and toned arms.
teheehe 2 months ago 6
@teheehe Hahah do I? Well thank you, you're wonderful. I think I'll be starting a blog soon.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
write a blog, i'd be interested :)
rainbowdoona 2 months ago 2
I'm glad you did this video.
lesomnambulist 2 months ago
you go girl!
cheeseandbread 2 months ago
Yeah i guess its just something i can't understand. I have no beef with it, its your life and we live in a free country so do whatever makes you happy no matter what people like me think.
PS you are still cute as ever
Andothul 2 months ago
@Andothul Hahah thank you. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I don't have much to say except that I've been subscribed to you from day 1 and I support you and wish you all the best.
Matt27689 2 months ago
@Matt27689 That makes me happy to hear that. :) Thanks dear!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I never understood why people judge each other... It's not like any of them are perfect... Just me :3
coolstream1 2 months ago
@coolstream1 Hahaha.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 I agree with you, thank you. One can still wish though.
RedQueenxo 2 months ago
i would love to read your blog on polyamory or your experiences with it. i'm not personally into it but i love learning about it and hearing about it. go you. c: <3
Tiggoelicous 2 months ago
@Tiggoelicous So many of you have said I should so I think I will! Thank you. :) I'm glad to hear that someone loves learning.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
You should. I'd read it.
duchampe 2 months ago
@duchampe I think I will. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I stumbled upon your "smoking kills" video back in 2006. Watched your videos ever since. I think you're taking those stupid comments way too serious. Bring back the buoyant spirit you once had - it's been a long time since I saw you laughing lustily.
Anyway, here's my question: Have you traveled anywhere else in the world (except within the US)?
Happy holidays from Austria (Europe) - the home of Mozart and Arnold Schwarzenegger ;)
zNARFi 2 months ago in playlist Uploaded videos
@zNARFi I reject the idea that humans are supposed to be emotional brick walls and not take any negative comments seriously or ever admit to caring about anything. I think it's dumb that people are so obsessed with being apathetic. I care about the negative comments I get because I expect better of people, and I care about the state of our world. I think that's a good way to be.
As for seeing me laugh, I suppose you should catch me in person. I almost never stop laughing. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@zNARFi I've been to Canada but only a little bit. When I was a kid I lived like an hour from Niagra Falls so we took some trips up into Canada around that area several times, but that's it. I hope that one day Ig et to see much, much more of the world. :) Thank you and happy holidays to you as well!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
you should definitely start a blog. Also, has there ever been a problem with you and william liking the same person? if not, have you talked about what you would do if that happened?
moopsykins 2 months ago
@moopsykins Hmmm. Not really, not yet at least? We have extremely similar taste in girls so I wouldn't be surprised if it happens one day. If it does, I'm sure we'll talk about it and one or both of us would be willing to step down.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 Would you ever consider sharing somebody between the two of you? I don't know if this is too personal, but it just kind of occurred to me since you are, for lack of better words, sharing yourselves with other people.
NicoleHovey 2 months ago
@NicoleHovey Absolutely, but it would have to be a very specific kind of person. They'd definitely have to be right for the part, because three person relationships can be reeeally difficult. But I'd be open to it if it felt right and I thought we could make it work.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
Rem your so cute ! & I love ypur hair.who cares what people say! Your strong intelligent and know who u are!
ChulitaBonita 2 months ago
@ChulitaBonita Thank you, you're very sweet!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
OK, weird question but I am kinda interested in this now.. not for myself just that it is something I know nothing about. What if you have kids with one of your partners... does that through the balance a little bit? Like would you become more serious with the dad of the baby? Sorry if I am being uber nosy just curious. :) x
xXmichaela1Xx 2 months ago
@xXmichaela1Xx No no you're not being nosy, and it's okay to be curious! I actually don't want to have kids and neither do either of the people I'm dating, haha. That being said, if I ever were to have kids then obviously there would be a special parenting bond there with the father, but I don't think that would necessarily determine who I am romantically closer to.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
How did you learn to overcome/control your jealousy?
mycathasbeenstolen 2 months ago
@mycathasbeenstolen Well it was a long process that involved basically being more logical than emotional, arguing with myself in my head and presenting objective, reasonable points and reminding myself that what I'm feeling is irrational and this is why, etc etc... I could go more indepth about it but it's a lot to describe so maybe I'll save it until I start a blog!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
The fact people are 'disgusted' that you are polyamorous confuses me. I am not bothered nor do I know anybody who would be. Be Polyamorous I dont care, dont be polyamrous I dont care. That kinda thing is just not important to me. I dont judge anyone cause of their personal preferences in life. I am a happy monogamous person so you should totes be a happy polyamourist (?) and the way your face brightens when you speak about your partners you are happy so that is all that matters. :)
xXmichaela1Xx 2 months ago
@xXmichaela1Xx :)))) I am glad there are people like you in this world. And I am so pleased to hear that my face brightens when I speak of them, haha, they definitely brighten my life.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I've been watching you for years. You're awesome. I want to say more, but I'm not sure what.
I'd definitely read your blog if you started it :>
eHeroine 2 months ago
@eHeroine I think I will start one so I'll let YT know when I do. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
'you may do whatever you want as long as you're not hurting people' That's fair enough. You're perfectly free (and others are, too) to choose what your personal and sexual life should be like. Not everybody will agree with you, but who cares? You shouldn't care. Criticism in youtube is normal, all kind of different people watch your videos, so don't puzzle your head trying to understand why others critisize you here! Just do what you think is right! You're very brave being so honest! Hugs
palabrasmagicas 2 months ago
@palabrasmagicas Well, I do care and I don't think it's bad to care! I don't care in a "boohoo, don't be mean to me" way, I care in a "this is messed up, we should all open our minds and get educated" kind of way. I expect more from people, and that's why I care. :) Thanks dear.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I say to each their own! I have never tried polyamory as I think for me it would be too time consuming and relationsips are hard work...one would be enough for me lol :)
People will always be ignorant about others choices or ways of life...thats their issue not yours. Be happy x
hideandseek80 2 months ago
@hideandseek80 thanks darlin :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
God Rem, I admire you so much.
metaphoricalbamf 2 months ago
@metaphoricalbamf prrrrow!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
You shouldnt let people bother you with comments, if your happy that's all that matters, I wouldn't be into polyamory myself but I wouldn't frown upon anyone who was in that type of relationship, each to their own as they say. I have a hypothetical question, if William decided he wanted monogamy again with someone else, would it still feel like a breakup?
Adz2 2 months ago
@Adz2 @Adz2 Well the thing about me is that I don't get bothered by people's comments because of how they attack me, I moreso get upset because of how horrible people are to each other when I know we are capable of so much more kindness, compassion, understanding, etc. I get upset because of how people treat each other in general, not because of how they treat me. If I'm happy then that may be all that matters to me, but... (tbc)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@Adz2 .... I'm not just thinking about me, I'm thinking about the whole world and humanity and how we treat each other. Hahaha I know, I'm ridiculous, but I care about that kind of thing a lot. Anyway, onto your question! If William decided he wanted monogamy with someone else then yeah, that would absolutely feel like/be a break up. Why wouldn't it? I'd be losing him and that would break my heart! I love having him as a partner and it would be seriously sad to lose him in that capacity. :(
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
This was super interesting thank you for the in depth explanation! Good luck with everything! I have thought you were awesome since the love square/triangle.
saydieagain 2 months ago 2
@saydieagain Thank you! Man, you guys have totally lifted my spirits with the awesome comments you've left on this video.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago 2
i'am a cheater (i'm not proud), change the name (Polyamory) im a good person
mariano26788 2 months ago
@mariano26788 Cheating is when you do something with somebody else behind your partner's back and against their wishes. Polyamory is you do something with somebody else and all people involved are aware of the each other and the situation, and agree to it and are happy with it. There is a pretty clear difference. One is dishonest and hurtful, and one is honest and ethical.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 is really that simple??? i mean.... i dunt know... is like "i dont give fuck"
mariano26788 2 months ago
@mariano26788 In what way do you feel that it is like not giving a fuck?
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
Comment removed
mariano26788 2 months ago
@sarahrayne79 Haha thank you!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I don't get it either. Why does anyone care? I think it's perfectly fine. In fact, I just don't get what upsets people about polyamory, polygamy, being gay, trans, bi, whatever! People should just live how they wish and not hurt other people and whatever is fine.
alaskafido 2 months ago
@alaskafido Totally agree! I'm glad to hear you and so many others share this sentiment.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
:) I liked this video, you expressed yourself well. Sorry that people got you riled up. But apparently you make good videos when you get riled up!
WhistleStix 2 months ago
@WhistleStix Hahah well thats good to know! I actually recorded this two times prior to this version. The first two were much angrier, and I didn't like the harsh tone to them. So I kept recording until finally I relaxed and was able to express myself passionately but patiently. I'm glad to hear I did a decent job saying what I needed to say. Thank you!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 Haha, I almost remarked about how patient you were being with your antagonists. Patient is the exact word I was going to use. But for various reasons I wasn't comfortable leaving that specific of a comment.
WhistleStix 2 months ago
live your life hon! if everyone is aware of whats going on... then your just fine. please just be happy and dont hurt anyone :P
harlequin0823 2 months ago
@harlequin0823 Hahah thank you! And yeah definitely not hurting anyone, at least not intentionally. I'm very careful to treat my partners with the utmost care and respect.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
You are beautiful. Ignorance is ugly. Lots of love!
Jannabelle126 2 months ago
@Jannabelle126 Thank you :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
How many people do you date at once?? I once dated four women at the same time all in one good sized king bed it was the best time of my life and also outsiders don't get it cause we as a people have been brain washed into the Christian way of thinking you know one man and one woman cause this country we call America was built on Christian fundamentals if we as a people can get a lot more of a open mind frame we as a people would understand other peoples lifestyle more
JDHoffa 2 months ago
@JDHoffa The most I've ever dated at once is two! I would be open to more if the situation called for it, but honestly it seems really difficult. I'm not a person who likes to go out and socialize very much, so just these two guys have filled my plate for now. Between my job and them, I barely have time to myself anymore! So I'm not exactly wanting to take on a third or fourth emotional attachment right now, haha. I'd be open to something casual/purely sexual though!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 A casual/purely sexual female partner is what I'm looking for also
JDHoffa 2 months ago
Awesome job at turning a negative into a positive. :-) I wish I could teach some people in my life to understand things about me that aren't "socially acceptable".
RedQueenxo 2 months ago
@RedQueenxo It can be reeeeally difficult to reach people sometimes. But, like others have told me in these video comments, what matters most is how happy you are with yourself and your life. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. And if you choose to, and they still aren't accepting, then thats their problem and not yours.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I'm so proud of you Remy. I've been watching your videos for a while and I love the way you express yourself and the way you think. You have changed, yes, but it happens to everyone, and I love the way you explained yourself in this video, even though you shouldn't need to explain a thing. And you look gorgeous as always. :) Love you, Rem! :)
NirvanaForeverOhYeah 2 months ago
@NirvanaForeverOhYeah Ahhh this is such a nice comment, it made me smile ear to ear. Acceptance, understanding, and a pinch of flattery. You have me blushing and as giddy as a school girl.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
The first time I came across Polyamory was on your tumblr. I understood what it was, then I moved on. I don't understand how in this day and age, with so many different types of relationship options and sexuality that people still get upset over something "new". If it's not for them, that's fine, but it really isn't their place to judge other peoples choices. Oh the internet. Grow up.
confusedlook 2 months ago
@confusedlook High five!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
i think your way of doing things is awesome, especially if that works for you and william. im pretty sure if i did that my downfall wouldn't be jealousy or anything, but dating one person can be exhausting, i cant image doing it with more then one person all the time. I think i love alone time too much haha.
Callanishername 2 months ago
I would LOVE to see a blog, I aspire to you so much and I think you are a wonderful person. You are like gandhi.
Monalisa2005 2 months ago
@Monalisa2005 Hahaha that is an extreme comparison!!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 I just mean in the sense of love all. n.n
Monalisa2005 2 months ago
I guess i don't get it. So one person, one relationship isn't enough for you? I understand your logic i guess just not your practicality on the issue. Why not just focus on one relationship and give everything to make that work. Why split your time and energy?
And in my honest opinion as a male i have to say i doubt this type of relationship works for very long. Jealousy can be contained but it is always there under the surface.
Andothul 2 months ago
@Andothul I have a few poly friends, it's (for them) more that they can love multiple people.. My friends are in a closed poly circle, so its four of them and they don't see anyone out side of the four of them, when/if someone attempts to date one of them they're sort of half dating all of them, it's interesting and the concept is nothing new.. Though as im sure my reply shows, there's many different ideas on the life style.
FlyingRock225 2 months ago
@Andothul Experience.
Monalisa2005 2 months ago
@Andothul First I want to point out that plenty of poly relationships last for many years. It's not about CONTAINING jealousy, it's about rationalizing and overcoming jealousy.
Being "enough" is a monogamous perspective. If you want to get it, you've gotta look at this from a poly perspective! Poly people do not look at others as being "enough." I'm going to quote somebody who I think says it better than I can. It's lengthy but I encourage you to read the whole thing! To be continued...
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@Andothul “The most important thing here is to get over the idea that a person’s value is measured by whether SHE ALONE can be “enough” for another person. The world is infinite and so are we—no amount of living, no number or depth of interactions with others should be “enough” for any of us, just as no amount of interactions with a person you love will ever be “enough.” To set borders on what another person can do or feel, as a condition for them to be able to receive my love (to be continued)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@Andothul (pt 2) and affection, goes against everything I believe in as an anarchist and a human being; I want to trust others to know what they need, and never limit them—and I certainly don’t think MY life will be any richer from the limitations I place on others. We have to free each other to be and become ourselves. This isn’t just about other lovers or sex partners or friends, it’s also about other undertakings, needs, even the desire for space and solitude— (to be continued again)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@Andothul (pt 3) it’s heartbreaking how much of our selves our lovers often as us to sacrifice to be with them.
I want to be valued for what I am, for what I do naturally, not how well I conform to some pre-set list of needs that someone has. If someone else can fill some of those needs, I wouldn’t deny that to anyone, and I don’t want to be jealous when others have something different to offer; I just want the chance to offer what I have to give to those I love, and to remember (TBC)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@Andothul (pt 4) that those things are priceless and not comparable to whatever unique gifts others may have.
None of us should ever be saddled with the role of sole provider for someone’s needs (romantic or otherwise), anyway; our purpose on this earth is not to serve others, but to find ways to be ourselves in ways that also benefit others. By saying the rest of the world isn’t off limits to your partner, you free yourself of the JOB of being the whole world to your partner.”
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@Andothul I think thats a pretty awesome quote, and I hope maybe it showed you a new perspective?
It's really not about one person being enough. It's about loving so many different types of people, and knowing that everyone can offer me different, unique, special things, and I want to experience them all and appreciate what they bring into my life. Why not just focus on one relationship and give everything to make that work? I have! I did it for many years, and I found out... (TBC AGAIN haha)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@Andothul that that just isn't how my brain works and thats not how I'm happy. Being limited to one person is, well, a limit to me. My mind and heart are happier without limits, when they are free. I am young, I have a lot to see and do in this world, and I would not be okay being tied down to one single person, one experience, for the rest of my life... especially not starting in my early 20s.
Splitting my time and energy so that I can have more awesome experiences is just what I like to do. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 i feel like a lot of young people are faced with this dilemma, they want to experience the world and different people and different places and i know i feel this way, so its hard to settle down with one person for an extended period of time, so i guess polyamory sounds good in this way and i'm so fascinated in it and in you for being able to pull it off and be happy with it, i just feel like the kind of people i would want to be with would not accept polyamory,
rainbowdoona 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 or their friends/family wouldn't etc. and i'm sure its all to do with what society has shaped our perceptions of relationships to be that most people feel this way. i'm just wondering how you find other people who are accepting of this way of life? i applaud you for being able to get over your jealousy, i personally like to feel special like i am the only girl my boyfriend sees.
rainbowdoona 2 months ago
@rainbowdoona and like that he is the only person i tell my secrets, hopes, dreams and most personal things to on a day to day basis. but this was very interesting thankyou! and sorry for the super long comment
rainbowdoona 2 months ago
You are not poly, you are just a whore!
lenfantterribleX 2 months ago
@lenfantterribleX I've got two possible responses for you, you can pick whichever one you like best.
1. Whore, slut, skank, etc are concepts invented to oppress womens sexuality and make them feel shame and guilt for indulging in their normal, natural sexual inclinations.. the same inclinations that men are encouraged to indulge in. It's a nonsensical, harmful, antiquated concept that should be eradicated in the minds of anyone who respects women.
2. There's nothing wrong with being a "whore."
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
1: Just because I find something gross doesn’t make it so as such a term is subjective and therefore should not affect my opinion of a person. 2: If somebody is talking about the kinkiest stuff they’ve ever done, and they mention something and you don’t know what it is, look it up an a website with no images (learned that the hard way).
Sorry if my use of the word gross was offensive to you.
LinkMEP 2 months ago
@LinkMEP Hahah aw, it's all good! All of us, no matter how open minded, still have more room to grow and learn and open up some more. I think it is awesome that you thought critically and challenged yourself. To me, that says a lot more about you than your initial reaction of "ew gross." Besides, there was a time when I said "ew gross" to some of the things I've done too. :P
And hahaha laughing so hard at learning the hard way to look on a website with no images. Hahahaha.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I always try to have an open mind myself. I don’t usually have a problem having an open mind. Though, and I hate to admit this, there was one time I did briefly have a problem having an open mind with one thing you said a couple videos ago. It was one of the things you mentioned with kinkiest stuff. But I applied some critical thinking, and came to two conclusions.
Two conclusions continued in next posting, sorry couldn't fit it into one.
LinkMEP 2 months ago
It's your life, do what makes you happy, who cares what others think. Hope you slept well after this video.......be proud of who you are! :)
JewelAngel 2 months ago
@JewelAngel Thank you thank you! I am super pleased to see such positive responses on this video.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
Hi. I wanted to tell you that I think you are an awsome person and a very mature person to handle these negative comments in the way you did. I don't think it is anyones place to judge anyone else. I love the person you are. Keep making videos and I want to say Thank you. Thank you for educating the ignorant on polyamory relationships. Maybe it will open a few minds and change the world even if its just a little.
RainbowPridePaw 2 months ago
@RainbowPridePaw Thank you. :) I don't know if I always respond to negativity so well, sometimes I slip up and lose my temper a bit. But I try to turn my frustration into something more productive, which is how this video came about. :) Thank YOU. Thank you for being open and accepting, and for leaving me a comment that made me smile.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
Blogs are old news. Vlog your experiences. Which 1 of these guys are going to be there to hold your hand will you get cancer and die?
tom9152a 2 months ago
@tom9152a Hahah well I think they would both be there holding my hand if I get cancer and die! They both care about me a lot. But I would say that my long term partner is a bigger part of my life, as I have known him for 7 years and we've been together for over two years... The other guy, I've only been dating for a few months and we're not even at boyfriend/girlfriend level (yet?).
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@tom9152a And the thing is that I am so much better at expressing myself through written word rather than spoken word, plus writing is much less time consuming and doesn't require privacy, so I'd be able to update much more often!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
isnt being Polyamory just a cool way of saying huge slut, I'm kidding you've come along way from the 17 yo who use to shake when you making videos for this place
Stargrave 2 months ago 2
@Stargrave I've definitely heard that before but without the "I'm kidding" at the end, lol. Yeah I've definitely come a long way and changed a lot, but hey that's bound to happen. Can't stay 17 forever.... and frankly I'm glad for that. Being a teenager sucks. Hahah.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I still love you and you will always be my favorite youtuber<3
ChrisTface 2 months ago
@ChrisTface :)))) This puts a big smile on my face.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I found this video very interesting and mind-opening. HOWEVER! You should never feel like you have to defend against other people's ignorance. Just be comfortable in what you are and don't worry about explaining yourself. :)
DreamerOfNight 2 months ago
@DreamerOfNight Ohhh, I know! People are always telling me that, hahah. I know I don't need to defend or explain myself to anyone, but I always end up doing this anyway, hahah. I always think... If I can educate one person, if I can open one persons mind... then its worth it. So I always end up spending a lot of time explaining myself even though I know I don't have to. Thank you, you're a darling. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
It may sound crazy, impossible and impractical..but who cares!? its what makes you happy, and its your life choice, who is anybody to judge.
KateyJW 2 months ago
@KateyJW Agreeed! Thank you for your awesome acceptance.
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
I think polyamory is just another form of love. If you can openly accept queer people but then turn around and chastise polyamorous people, then you're a hypocrite, plain and simple. For you, Rem, have you ever dealt with jealousy from partners? Does your being polyamorous ever put strain on your relationships? Do you date only others who are polyamorous, or do you date, I guess they would be "monoamorous" people, so long as they are okay with your polyamory?
thecatseatenit 2 months ago
@thecatseatenit I agree! Saying I'm lost and confused because I'm poly is no better than saying I'm lost and confused because I'm not heterosexual. To say either is extremely derogatory and offensive!
Yeah I've dealt with jealousy from my partners. Sometimes William finds himself getting a wee bit jealous when I go out on a date with someone new or something. When that happens, we just sit down and talk about it, and I help him rationalize those feelings by remembering that... (TBC)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@thecatseatenit (part 2) my feelings for other people do not threaten my feelings for him. So far I have not had other people get jealous of William very much. I'm kind of selective about who I get involved with, so most people I get involved with are really chill and understanding... that helps. Onto your next Q... I don't think being polyamorous has put strain on my relationships, not any more than being monogamous did, at least. In fact, I think being poly has put much less strain... TBC
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@thecatseatenit (part 3) on my relationships than being monogamous did! And I date people who are both polyamorous and monogamous. I do not mind if my partner wants to date other people, nor do I mind if they don't want to. As long as they don't expect ME to be monogamous, you know? Currently my long term partner, William, is polyamorous. The new guy I'm dating, Robert, is typically monogamous. So yeah, as long as they know what to expect from me, I don't care which way they swing with it. :)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
@paytotheorderofofof2 That's really interesting, thank you for such an in-depth answer! I think it's wonderful that you've found the way of love that makes YOU happy. Because at the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what anyone else posts on a website. ;) I hope you continue to find happiness!
thecatseatenit 2 months ago
I've been poly for three years now and have learned one thing. the only people who can truly except and understand polyamory are people in a poly relationship. i've stopped trying to justify my lifestyle a long time ago. i got tired of people's minds literally shutting down in mid conversation. i've noticed that the average person would much rather and happily except, if i was lying and cheating on my girlfriends rather then "yeah, we all know and care about each other".
Jacknthemonkeys 2 months ago
@Jacknthemonkeys Agh I totally know what you mean. On one hand, I have no faith in people and I share your views. On the other hand, I'm a perpetual optimist about people, and I find that i'm pretty good at opening minds, so I just can't help but try!
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago
i have done some gender studies classes etc at uni, and i tend to view labels, particularly in terms of gender as sexuality, as restricting and unhelpful. i havent come across polyamory before, (and i dont really know how to word this properly), but im curious how you go about explaining that you're polyamorous when you meet someone new.. i imagine many people wouldnt understand or be open to it. what has that been like for you? hope this isnt ignorant, im just curious as to how it all works!
heycatters 2 months ago
@heycatters Yeah I definitely understand why you view labels that way. I, personally, find labels to be comfortable and useful! But thats just me, and obviously not everyone has to feel that way. We've all got different experiences, you know?
And that's a good question! But when you say "meet someone new" - do you mean romantically, or just anyone I meet? I guess I'll answer for both. :P
When I meet new people not romantically, I usually don't mention it until I feel like we're... (tbc)
paytotheorderofofof2 2 months ago