Man Caught Having Sex with Picnic Table

[ya2121]

'what are you in for?'

'murder.'

'and you, over there, what about you?'

'I raped a child.'

'new guy? what about you?'

'I had sex with a table'

[TROLL FACE]

[ohstatechamp11]

no if anyone said anything to his kid they were suspended

[bwlove25]

(Mrs Price) "honey, what are you doing...?"

(Art Price) "having sex with the picnic table, dumbass. Lord knows i can't get any from you!" haha

[thelaughingman79]

i'm from bellevue and all we seem to have are murder suicide's and crazed sexual deviants. so...you might not wanna move here

[supermarioyanni]

I was watching this with my friends and my babysitter and when this part came up I got so embarrassed and then she said to fast forward it.

[DisneyBlackJet]

._.

[prettiblackbuttafly]

See my page for "nasty people doing nasty things"... This one is added to the collection. You people never fail to prove me right. Lmfao.

[fader138]

Who is the victim? ...The Table?. Pollute the air, fight wars, dump waste in the ocean, but for the love of god don't expose your self in the most basic human form on your own property. Lets pretend we don't shit while were at it. especially around the kids!

[TheNewMusicNetwork]

oh geez. he was obviously drunk. who gives a fuck. stupid laws

[underlinedbluetext]

That picnic table was asking for it. Slut!

[jonathan45278]

Ive been sleeping with my bed for 3 years. I caught my wife sitting on a chair. She said that its a poof so I shouldnt worry. Actually I like my stove because it looks so hot when I turn it on but I dont want to get my fingers burnt again. I had an affair with the freezer but it cooled off. Now it just gives me the cold shoulder. I tried my luck with the fridge but nothing happened because it is frigid.

[81kingtut]

Of course it's strange, but as long as he doesn't hurt anyone, who cares... What happened to freedom and tolerance, should that really be replaced by moral moronism?

[AvocadoTomato]

@81kingtut Do it inside then. If you let someone that outside, where small kids can see, that's definitely hurting them mentally.

If it was okay to do in public, would you honestly want to see that?

[dokkiro]

I'm starting a park bench porn business.

[Rampage4O37]

Penis erection!!

[dommira420]

i went to school with his son and i feel so bad. especially for his wife who was a teacher and resigned because oif this she didnt know what he was doing tis whoke thing is a shitty situation

[CarolCitySlimm]

Stupid cracker

[doug905]

I assume the picnic table was tighter than his wife.

[Meganbloom12]

That makes me wonder, is his wife THAT bad that he does it with a picnic table?? :P

[oddwiak]

i've seen a few hot picnic tables in my day. hey, i seen my duty and i done it! so what!

[mrpoate]

the fuck? it was his property, in his home. ok, so it was near a school and he should definitely be made to stop doing it because of that. but upgrading it to a felony? huh?

[tylerrocks13]

Fukin weirdoooooo!

[NoPlaceForLoafers]

Fuck this!!!

Like Maddox says, what's weirder??

A guy having sex with a table or a guy filming his neighbour doing it?

[TheBigKiller]

@NoPlaceForLoafers MY CHILDREN ARE BETTER THAN YOUR CHILDREN.

Change your youtube picture to a table to stop people from having sex with inanimate objects.

[PiscesGal]

He dude was probably drunk and didn't know what was going on.

[confettistar]

I think it's obvious. What a man does in the privacy of his own home with a consenting table is his own business....But when he humps a piece of furniture in public view...it is a legal matter. Did they interview the table? Maybe it wasn't consentual at all.

[1runyen]

Wow this guy is a huge faget if the closest thing u can get to a vag is a fuckin patio table!

[NoPlaceForLoafers]

@1runyen Not only is your spelling, and therefore education, terrible, but your sentence makes no sense at all.

[dropandlongD]

rule 34

[verynice420]

why do people hump things these days!

[wiibot15]

lmao, why is his neighbor watching him have sex with his table in his backyard??? It's his house, sure he can fuck as many tables, chairs, and couch pillows as he wants. rofl

[ProfessionalWhiteGuy]

You go, girl!

[thecritiquevirtuoso]

I didn't know there was such a thing as a picnic table fetish. 

[BigLouieLittlePhilly]

is fucking a picnic table a crime in usa? if yes, what a dumb fuckin country

[yournuckingfuts16]

@BigLouieLittlePhilly No but if your doing it in public then yes

[mustangmikeca]

@BigLouieLittlePhilly no but exposing your genitals around a school and playground it is dumbass

[BigLouieLittlePhilly]

@mustangmikeca halt deine dumme fresse du redneck

[Pinworm4]

@mustangmikeca Around a school? It was in his back yard.

[mustangmikeca]

@Pinworm4 Yeah, there are houses around schools believe it or not dumbass

[Pinworm4]

@mustangmikeca So? what the fuck is your point? The school has no access to site of the guys house. It's not within viewing distance. He did this at night, IN HIS BACKYARD WHERE NO ONE CAN SEE ANYWAY (with the exception of a peeping tom neighbour, who has the only house that can view it). What exactly is your point? Is no one allowed to have sex in their own home if there's a school around? Are you seriously that dense?

[chocolatbuny]

ew! white guys are so weird

[arnolddisco]

@chocolatbuny that's a sweeping comment isn't it?

[yournuckingfuts16]

@chocolatbuny LOL! im white but i found that funny

[Eric23er]

His wife must be on her period... 

[shotta0121]

When someone told him 'They are good when they are on all 4s' he took it quite literally.

[mebeluvined]

"eyeshot"

[enforceone]

Fucking euros and their twisted shit. Somebody should chain this hick and hang him by his balls.

[PSCricket3]

He sexes tables, I sexes my pillow

[Clanitz]

How could they arrest him!? That table was obviously asking for it!

(Why was the neighbor watching/recording him in the first place?)

[MrAet10]

This was hilarious I couldn't stop laughing

[AnusreeAnuradha1]

uhhey looking for nice guys to chat i have a web cam too

[Plasser56]

Must have been BOARD. LOL!

[WelteringInBlood]

Serial table rapist!!

[andy11200]

TheOmegaEffect: I'm impressed, did you manage to type that all by yourself, even whilst under the influence of crack? Or are you withdrawing and that's why your grouchy. I'm just amazed you can spell. Are you sure your not White. Keep up the good work and maybe you can move onto big boys Reading books. Gold star for you.

[peacenlove4every1]

I agree. A nigger or spic wouldn't be able to afford a house.

[supabeast23]

@peacenlove4every1 Your name is very ironic.

[221cherry]

woww he is SO in desprate need to have a sex with a women that he used a table????

[davetista]

this guy's is funny as fuck. he should've tried this in the middle of the night.

[bonddre]

this sounds like something from family guy n its fucked up that dude looks like peter grifin. he's got three kids lol...n he's married..u do the math

[rowens89]

His picture should not be on the news thats so unfair to the children :(

[bluewhale18]

and the fact that his neighbour secretly made 3 dvd's of it, is not weird??

[genwave]

At least buy the table dinner and a movie, common!

[WilloPianoInApillow]

have they considerd he was drunk and was dared to for moneys? xD

[Tal0res]

On three separate occasions though? D:

[InnerRise]

Mooglecharmed. You are an idiot.

[srnane88]

Lmfao!!!!! How do you do it with a table?? Why so u want to?

[Vegheadsrock]

couldnt you bring the table in the house dude????

[FreeFragSGS]

"Fuck yo' patio table!"

-Dave Chappelle

[mooglecharmed]

What the difference between fucking a picnic table and some dude's asshole where feces and disease inhabit?

[digyourowngrave666]

oh lawd...

[skyknight332]

fail

[skyknight332]

0.0 What the fuck is wrong with society!? oh my fucking god...

[monoxide219]

how do u have sex with a picnic table???

[RiCHPORTERisFLY]

HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHA­AAAAAAAAAA THIS POOR BASTARD LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! i jus saw this on worlds dumdest criminals lolol what a jackass

[Tal0res]

xDD

[ddavda]

Jay Leno: I know what you're thinking. HOW UGLY ARE THE WOMEN IN THAT TOWN TO WHERE YOU CAN ONLY FULFILL YOUR SEXUAL DESIRES BEST WITH A METAL TABLE?!

[houstonTx457000]

theres something about those picnic tables, it has to be those long slinder thin legs and that big wide table top

[EvilEggCracker]

Just the way mother used to make 'em.

[090908]

Amen.

[xxxxxemocorexxxxx]

the police captain looks like a potato

[faris2far]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Fanpires23]

hahahahhaha Your comment made my day! Thank you so much!!

[Hammer4life]

to be fair the table was fit as fuck!!

[rocky9363]

lol imagine in jail

Price: Hey what are you in for.

Inmate: Bank robbery what about you.

Price: Having sex with a table.

Inmate: O_O

[Vorlnax]

lol wut

[misterfishermaan]

disgusting! someones going to eat off that later.dont bring rice pudding to be on the safe side

[angel3347]

I'v had sex on a picnic table...never with it :S

[MysTeri0usMatT7]

lol guess he was desperate??

[HeavyD77712]

hahahha i was wondering how he fucked a table then they said he stuck his dick thru the umbrella hole lmao funniest shit

[FUCHANU]

He probably thinks "If I can't have sex with a table on my front porch this isnt america".

My guess is he was hot so he took off all his clothes and tried to fix the table with his cock wrench.

This is why they make "how to do" books.

Another home improvement gone wrong.

[THExTOASTxOFxNewYork]

fail

[facethefacts2008]

it is a felony for having sex with a picnic table? WTF, are you kidding me?

[bcmalloy]

The guys obviously mentally ill and needs treatment, isn't that fucking obvious? Seems no one else can put 2 + 2 together in this story.

[SROMrPink]

did the table die ?

[aroneous]

I wonder why his family didn't want to talk?

[bakedasabun]

hahahahaha that is fuckin brillant!!

the man puts his penis in the tables vagina!!!!!!!!!! mm''kay!!!

[Joebo90]

they didnt mention the fact that his wife's a sofa and his kids are chairs

[Tal0res]

xD haha

[Joebo90]

to be fair that table was dressed pretty provocatively

[MissAbbyNormal]

Why wouldn't you just bring the table inside?

[Andreask93]

FOR THE LOVE OF FSM! It is just fucking steel and wood! it's not like he was hurting it. Besides it is proven that kid who see nude adults take very little or, no mental damage! leave the poor guy alone. haven't you ever gotten freaky with something around your house, may it be vegetables, pillows or what ever.

[CaigeWolf1270]

No.

[ferrariguy1988]

ive had sex on a picnic table with a girl that should be the only way

[HipHopJun]

How the fuck is that possible???

[genericusername337]

"once you think you've seen it all, someone goes and fucks a table"

but seriously, this guy can have sex with his own property if he likes. okay, at most some kids had a CHANCE of seeing him, but that shouldn't be a felony!

[nicolaassen]

why the fuck was he doing that though?lmfao i say charge him for being so weird

[Appleman21]

Aw come on! Let the man make sweet love to his table!

[potatomansoup]

Is that table rape? Not sure that is illegal, very funny though!

[ssssroryssss2]

One way to stop him doing it again. Wire a lightning conductor to the table. anyone want a BBQ sausage?

[piman314159265358979]

I had sex with a picnic table one time, too! I loved how the bars bounced against my penis.

[genericusername337]

Did you get any splinters?

[ronaldinhoca]

thres nothing wrong wti fucking the table. man wtf wrong  wit ppl watching him?

[astallascliffs]

1:10 I WOULD JUMP ON THATTT!!

MMM.

[capitalcontested]

for fuck sake, I'm not a big fan of table fucking, but jees, give the guy 3 fellonies??!?! at most, som kids saw him naked!!! oh shit!!!! i wonder if they've ever seen the telly. I hate how society think they are so right in their supposed morales. that dipshit kid in the car "that should be zero-tolerance" people are pathetic.

[dapenguin64]

wait, how do you have sex with a table?

[steelwarpig]

hey watch out for splinters

[davseb222]

I guess we supposed to be locking up doggies for having sex on the street now! Its natural - god bless him , hes' siply satisfyin urges - and look at the bright side, he aint doing lil kids...!!

[Jojojojof]

umm obviously his wife doesn't like him...

[moonmaidens]

i would WRECK that table

[congabat]

he was also overheard yellin....Hey Boo Boo hold that pickinic table steady!!!

[mrfrosty8172]

that table is pretty sexy

[YenPeregrine]

What he did was between the table and him, and the table said it wasn't consensual. Table raper!

[lemonycricket]

Oh my God, did you see that guy's eyes in the mugshot? He looks sadistic, like that guy in Austria that locked his daughter in the dungeon underneath his house. He's creepy and disturbed.

[riptide122]

i preffer my couch or my bed, much softer...

[pushover1]

The guy was obviously not getting satisfaction from his wife!

That family should move to another state, otherwise those kids are going to be tortured for the rest of their school careers.

[squishedbananas]

lots of times they can be cedar... I prefer wet ash ... soak it for 36 hours... you got yerself... one of THEM GOOD Lays!!

[loveupskirts]

lol

[alanlovedog]

that policeman is too fat to chase criminals.

[sheerterror77]

Good thing the table was metal, this guys got real standards... who wants a shoddy and undesirable wooden table? SPLINTERS IN YOUR DICK? Don't think so!

Look how fat that cop is, NO MORE DOUGHNUTS, NO MORE!!

[oddiot]

yep he has taste, i was checking out a attractive metal teal model at home depot. i even asked the clerk to take some measurments for a "smooth" fit. he even checked out the heigth of the table hole and my groin area after i showed him ths video on my laptop. i could get 10% off if i wait until valentines day.

[belwoodzzzz]

Brings a whole new meaning to "Gettin' some wood"

[riptide122]

lmao!!!

[cheesylard]

he was probably jacking it to the fact that kids are going to eat on that table later hahaha

[Quankers]

If a man cannot have sex with a picnic table in his own back yard then the terrorists have truly won.

[MaNu469]

yeah welll.. the backyard was exposed so.. imagine walking with your child seeing that shit..

[veryshortname]

that would make me laugh my ass off... what's wrong with being naked.... and having a little fun with your picnic table.. give a guy a break. I can't believe they threw in 'cause kids use this table', to make charges worse. BULLSHIT

[OrnateFreak]

@veryshortname If you're a parent, your kids crawl into your bed on occasion. Does that mean you can't ever have sex in your own bed anymore?

[agreeing with your last sentence]

[nynick7]

This shit happens all the time.

[oddiot]

sure it happens all the time but i prefere indoor furniture like most normal folk.

[nynick7]

yup...

[Idittspedi]

I hope he didn't get a splinter. That would be worst than getting caught. I do have to question the neighbour for filming the act though.

[JesterPJ1027]

HAHAHAHA WHAT A LOSER

[PhillieBRidin]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha­hahaha

[nickjonascute]

i live in bellevue........yeah that guy has problems...even before he did that

[oddod1]

if you hate me what the hell do you call a guy poking a picnic table? gahndi?

[woodrowguthrie]

hahahaha he don't give a fuck

[oddod1]

can anybody prove the table didn't want it? those legs look shaky, as in it was having orgasms.

[bucketz330]

you know, eventually hes gonna get board with the table

[oddod1]

then what? lawnmower?

[tmouncher1]

lol the table was probs sexier than his wife

[Taurenofhell13]

probably is his wife

[Bela195401]

Man, I wonder how many splinters he had to pull out of his dick every time???? Or maybe he just varnished the table and he thought it felt like a lubricant.

[oddod1]

actually this is not as gross as sticking your tallywhacker in a feces filled butthole.

[GoneBad666]

it prolly had a hole in the middle for a parasol

[jtrain1991]

Damn she must have been doing something wrong. lol

[palexchick226]

lol. picture one of his kids(a daughter if he has one) confronting him:

"Dad, I played with my Barbie's there!"

"Well, sweetie, I'm sure Barbie had just as much fun on that table as I did."

[00MORDRED]

i would have loved to be a fly in the staff room

at the cop shop that day!!!

holy fuck!! the jokes must have been out of control.

[PankeymanProductions]

Why was his neighbor video-taping this?

[oddod1]

he is a porno director filming "picnic table bang"

[lettersfromaboy]

I can see how he can be attracted to a table. With its glazed exterior. I guess the same can be said about a donut. LOL! What a furniture abuser!

[lettersfromaboy]

Talk about wood on wood!

[sixstring1965]

Maybe he has a furniture fetish... You'd think he would stick to appliances (except for the blender of course)

[nilocking17]

Dude how do you boink a table? Why not go for your wife she got three holes that can be used and you will be seen as normal.

[dradawnus]

how do u fuck a table

[laprescot]

how do you...wait how do you do that?!!!?

[djparrish01]

WHAAATTTT???!!!??!! Nasty bastard!

[judasromero]

He went from couches to tables LOL!

[lettersfromaboy]

Talk about your upgrade

[tist006]

is that zac effron?

[OMEGATHENIETZCHIAN]

how is this news? This is funny but news?

[OCAT55]

I prefer fucking cars! The smaller ones will rock with you...

[beatofthestreets]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHhahaha!!!!!

[roadfixr]

There's more to this story since this posting. Turns out that he the relationship was going on for quite some time and they did not use safe sex. As a result they now also have a little end table out on the porch, too. I feel that he mistreated the table by never brining her indoors, too. It's no wonder he had a boner for her. Did you see the long, slender legs on that table? Yummy!!

[HoustonMarcab]

no seriously, this shit is fun. I fuck my tables all the time. Its the ONLY way to go