Forbiden Fruit - Ch. 4 - la push

[NimhShambler]

I love you. I really do. Arrr...Aparently, she is a pirate-sue.

[Death7Guardian]

... towards the end of this video, you sounded a little like the ninja from Ask A Ninja...

Coincidence, or have I discovered your alter ego!?

[manwithoutabody]

@Death7Guardian Either it's a coincidence, or I have a split personality I'm unaware of.

[Gleefreak47]

Who Arrrr you?

[theowlsarefun]

Naked heaving beasts, omg...

[InvaderNebu]

The slut-shaming in this chapter hurts.

[Ilikesclamchowderful]

Do sex on me lol XD

But seriously, I hate it when little kids write about rape and don't even

know what they are talking about.

It's disgusting.

[malicenefarious]

When I got to "and hit me with a shoe all night" it was too much. I have never laughed so hard, or had to wipe away more tears of mirth.

[aceaverille]

@malicenefarious i know, and the way it was written was as if this happens to the Mary Sue ALL THE TIME.

[tritinification]

Because any girl could go out to social events and still think of the HAWT Ewdard Cullen after being raped, then later treat it in text so normally as though it happened all the time. And of course NOT COMPLAIN.

[dfherui]

"...and then he raped me and hit me with a shoe all night and i didnt even complain" - I DIED.

[ViciousMaiden]

-"I'd been saving myself for the right guy and for marriage"

5 minutes later

-"Have sex with me now Edward"

So much for those resolutions.

[crouchisawesome]

'He ran away crying'

Oh dear God

[SchoolSucksMedia]

hears "mealancholy", mind goes immediately to the Gorillaz.

DEAR LORD I HOPE THAT WASN'T WHERE SHE GOT IT FROM!

Any way, your voice makes this bearabel.

[noraeable]

"Yep, that's Bella." I love your comments!

[Triforceofcourage112]

Did you chuckle when she said she was saving herself? XD

[phunboom]

LOL



[Tomonator7]

It's wat's underneath the skirt that maeks you beautiful....wait, wha?

[MissDiah]

Dude. You. Are. Brilliant! I have been laughing so hard. Can't wait for more!

[durane42]

The chearleaders were Learing at her, eh?

Mend your spelling a little, lest you may mar your fortunes!

[nicolebmoviesFTW2]

The tone you used when you read "He made me cook his dinner and suck his cock" made me laugh so hard. It was such a "Yeah, just FYI"-like tone. XDDDDD

[orangeblossom03]

"she has problems and she has flaws and shes UNHAPPY."

Being stunningly beautiful is SOOOO hard.

I *love* how Tia says she deserves to be raped for being a "dirty hore" and "horrible slut". Edward was just as horny as her, but of course he doesn't get called a slut. Fucking double standard.

However, the author perfectly captures Edward's personality, and Yyur voice is truly epic.

[KimikoMitchiko]

Please read more chapters from this, ITS TRUELY EPIC!!

[seaweedprincess]

NAKED HEAVING BEASTS.

[auronfangirl]

I lost it at 7:40

[twilightlily]

Rad hooker? Rat cooker?

[handmiadenofgod]

8:21- 9:11 was pure lulz. 

[Kukapetal]

"Naked heaving beasts" almost made me die XD

[DemonDogProductions]

8:18 BURNING DESIRE

[Bluestockings31]

These just keep getting better.

[OryNyuu]

I love the way you cracked up a bit at the "Edward ran away crying" part. It was funny as heck, this author has some wacko beliefs about sex and I can tell she watches too much porn XD

Anyway, keep up the great readings, grammar & spelling errors have never been funnier.

[ShotgunsAndSalt]

She was naked and begging a man who has a girlfriend for sex, with all her goffik friends within hearing distance of her screaming, begging him for sex, naked, and he walked away, leaving her alone in the woods, naked. Our protagonists are both stellar people.

[Kristiekins2]

I'm still confused as to why Edward talks like that...

[timebrewer]

naked heaving beasts

[3nek0]

At least Tiaa's really popular with all the gay kids at school...

[xFarxFromxNeverx]

Lmfao. "he ran away crying."



[elphieofkiamoko]

As I listen to this, I'm sitting in my computer chair making a t-shirt that says "Cannot cope. Off to Rohan."

It seems appropriate.

[Kolbatsu]

I like how at first the suethor says that the protagonist isn't a Mary Sue and this entire chapter is spent having the other girls teasing her for being too perfect and beautiful.

[EclipseMoonXIV]

manwithoutabody, I want you to do sex on me

[FleetingVoid]

@manwithoutabody You must have what is either the most entertaining time reading this or the worst time.

[lamnaa]

Nearly had me falling out of my chair with this one.

And that's how all people from the Edwardian era spoke, in bad Old English.

[SugoiSugar]

3:07 Yeah, it's all about the undergarments.

[turtlecrackers]

Naked heaving beasts? Does she have a pair of naked molerats with motion sickness in her bra?

[LeRach]

Every gay at school wants to have sex with Tia? But she's a girl...

[ShotgunsAndSalt]

@LeRach She must have meant lesbians 

[Diet07Coke]

I really, really shouldnt have lost it at the "hit me with a shoe" part. I really shouldn't have.

but I did

Good sir how the hell can you make this shit hilarious?

[SolidWorm88]

I lost it at "naked heaving beasts."

[HermitCrabShell]

"even thought she was technology a hot chick"

Oh dear, I just dies a little bit

[LordlyJeremy]

"Do sex on me!" Beep-bop-boop, HU-MAN.

[TheSodaCanCreeper]

Uncle Larry is such a dick.

[angryfatkid]

*passingly* "He made me cook his dinner, and...suck his cock while he ate his FOOD..."

I laughed so hard at that.

[FlowoftheImagination]

"...and then he raped me and hit me with a shoe all night..."

It's supposed to be tragic, but it's hilarious...

[EarthlyMaidenLita]

Also, Angela? As in..Angela Weber? The German chick? Wasn't she supposed to be the Generic Nice Girl?

[EclipseMoonXIV]

8:50

*spit take!!*

[EarthlyMaidenLita]

I thought she was cool with her gazongular cleavage?

And no one makes fun of you for being skinny. You get made fun of for being fat and sassy.

Also, after being bullied for several years, I don't see why it bugs her so much if she's supposed to be cool with it...

By middle school I had pretty much grown apathetic to anyone else.

[EGLchan]

2:36 I'm misunderstood - therefore I'm special!!1one

2:48 OMG, she wears pink! Then she must be a bimbo! :O

3:08 Am I the only one who can't help but interpret that the wrong way?

[GeckoLadie]

NAKED HEAVING BEASTS

[SuperWarxe]

"...made me cook his dinner and suck his cock while he ate his food and then he raped me and hit me with a shoe all night". Is that "arson, murder and jaywalking", or "bread eggs milk squick"?

[Limepanda]

I love you.



[HunterBelmont01]

Great Cyberman voice

[sunnylover3211]

I was so happy when I saw this came out.

[NekuThat1DeadKid]

yeek, her new friends are cybermen... GOTH cybermen

[SlashFirestorm]

Okay, rape should not be funny, but goddamn it, the casual transition to it was just too hilarious to resist laughing.

Also, if someone took off their bra and showed me naked, heaving beasts beneath it, I think I'd scream and scream and scream.

[Ninja1Ninja2]

The way you handled the voices of the trinity of goth girls was absolutely hillarious.

[Brelettable]

"OMG, SWEET LADY!"

[niahmiyoki]

I have to give this story something, normally these kinda fanfics make Edward and their Sue hook up right away. At least he's managed to resist so far.

[grishnak991]

Wait... Did the three witches from Macbeth somehow get mixed into the story?