no offense, but i do not think this is a good book. Just listen to me, friendly criticism.
1.) I think that for the beginning of a book you need something more captivating, not the introduction of several characters and them going to school and being late. i realize that u are still working on it.
2.) the sentences are not constructed in an interesting way and there are hardly any adjectives, besides the fact that you repeated the "Wizard Magick School" in the first sentence twice.
One: I know that I am late, but I wanted to say that this is noting like Harry Potter beecause at da end when he is writing it says that tristan is not evil yet.
Two: I am writing a book 2 it is called" Calix Bone:The Specter Ring.
Three: If you want to know more about it just send me a message and ii will let u know give you a sneak peek what is going to be that series kalled and more just message me plz!!!?!?!?!?
turns out someone already took the title "The invaders" how was i supposed to know it was a tv show back in the 60's so now i changed the title to "The invader chronicles"
@yunaqqqqq2 The main thing is to just enjoy writing the story and the characters, and don't worry too much about where it is going. Like I say, the main thing is have fun! If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
You have a good idea but it seems to be rushed, you need to focus on making the words blend. You need to explain s some things a llitle better but other than that keep up the good work!
You have a good idea, but it seems as if you did some rushing in writing this excerpt. You obviously didn't pay much attention to description, and you used some words twice in a sentence, which makes the sentence seem a bit awkward. If you slowed down, went back, and rewrote what was shown, without going through it like a fat man going through a cake (:D), it would be a good story.
Wilfred did this, then that and when this happen....and so on. Theres a book in waterstones called how not to write a book. I have read it and it is perfect for helping you mind plan on writing. I suggest you scrap this idea of a story, because it seems very....bland and maybe not your imagination at its full potential.
I'm also working on a book. I've got about ooo 74 pages or so. I get my ideas from dreams mostly and see where I'm carried from there. try to show what kind ofppl ur charaters are like and make them memerialbe so for ex if that person was to die, ur readers would cry! Just some ideas for u!
what if ur main characters want to sneek out during passing period? 2 min. isnt going to help u. it was a nice try though. im not trying to be mean but my fav. subject is english and i know good from bad. all my friends want me to help them edit and give them ideas. so im helping u edit. hope this helps.
4 this line needs help "lucky for wilfred, all of his friends were in his class, which their first class was the paralze spell" it is incorrect. which their fist class was, that is no way to write. read ur work out load once in a while it might help. 5 As for the concept its been taken. 6 how r u going to make this into a book? cause i dont see it. ur chapter is so plain and some things are not going to help u like the 2 min. thing.
Just some things. One u do not put more than 1 exclamation point. 2 the first thing he should want to do is find out about the school and where his classes are, then maybe worry about friends. 3 "john, he was very funny." you want to show not tell. dont tell me johns funny have him be the only one goofing off in class and have him tell jokes. Tristan is smart booorinng!! have him (her?) be the only one with a 100 on the test or something like that.
ummmmmmmmmmmm weeeeeeeeeeeeelllll i dont like to bag on peoples artistic style but mabey you should try some thing else. the beggining is boring and its to plain. you need something more original this is so typical like any one could think it up. it also sounds a little like harry potter. the whole 'magic school' thing has been done befor. idk if you did it on purpose but you spelled magic wrong.
well i dont know if your still a you tuber but i to am writing a called snake im still working on first chapter but its close to the end an im ready to do chapter 2 oh one thing i learned from my sis who is alos writing a book called balck velvet is to have whats going to happen in the next chapte writin down like a lundry list any way thats all 5/5
@Meagan51422 The most important thing is to enjoy the writing and the story. Try making it interesting for you again? If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
@chronaxdeaththekid Hey it's good to hear other aspiring authors here on Youtube. How is the story going? If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
And dont spill the whole story in the first page i did that with a 110 page book i made and turns out i did do it that way and people really or barelly didnt get it :) So glitch is my first really good novel, but greenville is turning out to be great!!!! Make sure you lengthen your story more!!!
and im starting one called Chronicling Greenville...soo the good thing about yours is you have commitment but i do agree with singgg1118 writing a book is challenging, and detail is very important with the text.
wow, i am actually in the middle of writing a book called Emma:The Heart, one thing i would change about your story is to make the chapter alittle bit more detailed :D
@wetyou0 It's a shame you stopped. Never mind, maybe some day another story will take your interest. If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
@singgg1118 How is the writing going? There are lots of aspiring writers here on Youtube, which is really exciting that all of these people have stories to tell. If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
also the time switches from present to past, (or whatever you call it.)
are you a fan of Harry Potter? :P
NoVAPunkLover 3 months ago
no offense, but i do not think this is a good book. Just listen to me, friendly criticism.
1.) I think that for the beginning of a book you need something more captivating, not the introduction of several characters and them going to school and being late. i realize that u are still working on it.
2.) the sentences are not constructed in an interesting way and there are hardly any adjectives, besides the fact that you repeated the "Wizard Magick School" in the first sentence twice.
3.) Age?
NoVAPunkLover 3 months ago
Are you still writing it ?
edwardcullen2604 8 months ago
One: I know that I am late, but I wanted to say that this is noting like Harry Potter beecause at da end when he is writing it says that tristan is not evil yet.
Two: I am writing a book 2 it is called" Calix Bone:The Specter Ring.
Three: If you want to know more about it just send me a message and ii will let u know give you a sneak peek what is going to be that series kalled and more just message me plz!!!?!?!?!?
edwardcullen2604 9 months ago
turns out someone already took the title "The invaders" how was i supposed to know it was a tv show back in the 60's so now i changed the title to "The invader chronicles"
DAN5675able 1 year ago
I'm writing a book called "The invaders" I hope i didnt take or playgerize a title.
DAN5675able 1 year ago
You should have more talking!
briannarox1213 1 year ago
Im writing A BOOK !!! imma try to get it on line!
briannarox1213 1 year ago
@briannarox1213 What I am trying is doing short 3-4 minute readings and posting them here on Youtube. Maybe you could try it too?
3CheersForVirgins 11 months ago
Im also writing a fantasy book :D
well... trying xD
it might not be that good... its my first story ever that im putting work on :P
but ive taken a brake from it for a couple of month(s) now, so I hope I continue typing soon ^^
yunaqqqqq2 1 year ago
@yunaqqqqq2 The main thing is to just enjoy writing the story and the characters, and don't worry too much about where it is going. Like I say, the main thing is have fun! If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
3CheersForVirgins 11 months ago
When you write a book never copy other authors. Thats not right because it becomes a problem afterwards. I reccomend you think of a new story...
RobertsDigital 1 year ago
gogo harry potter....
pavarovas 1 year ago
This just sounds like a rip of Harry Potter only more rushed and in a lot less detail... :/
XKieronTV 1 year ago
You have a good idea but it seems to be rushed, you need to focus on making the words blend. You need to explain s some things a llitle better but other than that keep up the good work!
cowmasterbob 2 years ago
You have a good idea, but it seems as if you did some rushing in writing this excerpt. You obviously didn't pay much attention to description, and you used some words twice in a sentence, which makes the sentence seem a bit awkward. If you slowed down, went back, and rewrote what was shown, without going through it like a fat man going through a cake (:D), it would be a good story.
VladimirMilea 2 years ago
Yor story seems very slap dashed.
Wilfred did this, then that and when this happen....and so on. Theres a book in waterstones called how not to write a book. I have read it and it is perfect for helping you mind plan on writing. I suggest you scrap this idea of a story, because it seems very....bland and maybe not your imagination at its full potential.
Try harder you wont regret it.
Storm3sh 2 years ago
I'm also working on a book. I've got about ooo 74 pages or so. I get my ideas from dreams mostly and see where I'm carried from there. try to show what kind ofppl ur charaters are like and make them memerialbe so for ex if that person was to die, ur readers would cry! Just some ideas for u!
Ps my books name will be gravity :P
linklikepie 2 years ago
what if ur main characters want to sneek out during passing period? 2 min. isnt going to help u. it was a nice try though. im not trying to be mean but my fav. subject is english and i know good from bad. all my friends want me to help them edit and give them ideas. so im helping u edit. hope this helps.
ps read my last comment first =D
Hansy900 2 years ago
4 this line needs help "lucky for wilfred, all of his friends were in his class, which their first class was the paralze spell" it is incorrect. which their fist class was, that is no way to write. read ur work out load once in a while it might help. 5 As for the concept its been taken. 6 how r u going to make this into a book? cause i dont see it. ur chapter is so plain and some things are not going to help u like the 2 min. thing.
Hansy900 2 years ago
Just some things. One u do not put more than 1 exclamation point. 2 the first thing he should want to do is find out about the school and where his classes are, then maybe worry about friends. 3 "john, he was very funny." you want to show not tell. dont tell me johns funny have him be the only one goofing off in class and have him tell jokes. Tristan is smart booorinng!! have him (her?) be the only one with a 100 on the test or something like that.
Hansy900 2 years ago
I am just saying...there are thieves out there. They will try and steal your ideas if you offer it to them!
Just a warning. Trust me, it's happened to me!
--Steven Hill
:].
Stvnkid92 2 years ago
ummmmmmmmmmmm weeeeeeeeeeeeelllll i dont like to bag on peoples artistic style but mabey you should try some thing else. the beggining is boring and its to plain. you need something more original this is so typical like any one could think it up. it also sounds a little like harry potter. the whole 'magic school' thing has been done befor. idk if you did it on purpose but you spelled magic wrong.
middypuppi 2 years ago
its gay you spelled magic wrong too faggot!
Mikelegit122 2 years ago
TYPICAL STORYLINE.
It sounds like harry potter ( never read it)
Try something original
MajorasPianos 2 years ago
well i dont know if your still a you tuber but i to am writing a called snake im still working on first chapter but its close to the end an im ready to do chapter 2 oh one thing i learned from my sis who is alos writing a book called balck velvet is to have whats going to happen in the next chapte writin down like a lundry list any way thats all 5/5
chronaxdeaththekid 2 years ago
Wow, im writing a book also and i totally dont do that.
I'm more of a see where it leads me in this chapter kind of person.
I'm currently on chapter five and about 60 pages in.
Im stuck though so I think I'll put it down for a while.
Meagan51422 2 years ago
@Meagan51422 The most important thing is to enjoy the writing and the story. Try making it interesting for you again? If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
3CheersForVirgins 11 months ago
@chronaxdeaththekid Hey it's good to hear other aspiring authors here on Youtube. How is the story going? If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
3CheersForVirgins 11 months ago
And dont spill the whole story in the first page i did that with a 110 page book i made and turns out i did do it that way and people really or barelly didnt get it :) So glitch is my first really good novel, but greenville is turning out to be great!!!! Make sure you lengthen your story more!!!
ukilledkenny100 3 years ago
i finnished my novel Glitch it is 212 pages
and im starting one called Chronicling Greenville...soo the good thing about yours is you have commitment but i do agree with singgg1118 writing a book is challenging, and detail is very important with the text.
ukilledkenny100 3 years ago
wow, i am actually in the middle of writing a book called Emma:The Heart, one thing i would change about your story is to make the chapter alittle bit more detailed :D
singgg1118 3 years ago
Thanks for advice but i wasnt done with the chapter, just showing progress... and i stopped tho :( but good luck on yours :D
wetyou0 3 years ago
@wetyou0 It's a shame you stopped. Never mind, maybe some day another story will take your interest. If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
3CheersForVirgins 11 months ago
@singgg1118 How is the writing going? There are lots of aspiring writers here on Youtube, which is really exciting that all of these people have stories to tell. If you'd like to check out my superhero story I am working on, there is a reading over on my channel!
3CheersForVirgins 11 months ago
Comment please :D
wetyou0 3 years ago
@wetyou0 Commented :D
3CheersForVirgins 11 months ago