Dave Allen - Telling the time

[3foe]

Saw him live, twice, love this piece

[roomvid09]

It just doesn't get much funnier and real than Dave Allen!

[taffylfc96]

one of the best comedians ever

[MrY09i]

Best One! :)

[cogidubnus1953]

Thanks for uploading this...it really takes you back and shows just how good he was (and still remains). How I wish he was still around!

[tonymasons]

I thought my 6 year old son to tell the time by showing him this clip.

[bobsysue1]

Love this guy - and his ability to create comedy without needing to swear like a sailor's parrot is so enjoyable :)

[reacher60]

The brilliance of the man is finding it hard to believe that there ISN'T a kid stood next to him.

[TheSamibean]

Fat things waddle lol

[Saiaton]

Quite a thought that even then analogue watches were getting rare. There'll be a lot of kids don't know what he's talking about and don't even have a watch anyway since the time's on their phone

[LuisManuelLealDias]

@Saiaton wat the fuck are you talking about, analogue watches are everywhere.

[Crawler7900]

this guy is amazing =0

[MrMurphy151]

Cant get enough of Dave Allen. Its a shame he has passed now. RIP you comic genius

[MsBrit78]

I remember whatching this on TV in my little sitting room with my mum and laughing so hard! Dave Allen was probably my first taste of stand up, and I love him dearly! Thanks for the nostalgia!!!

[mattie30]

Dave Allen brilliant comedian, known for his missing finger end, wouldn't have made it as a pianist would he? (

[ThongLover45]

So, so funny!

[Bonnerflameguy]

this is so hillarios

[TheCaulfield1]

I LAUGHED ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS SKETCH - HILLARIOUS!!!!!

[aiisliingK]

So good, it's the older more experienced comediens who know how to work the audience! What a great sketch!

[MPJ1952]

My goodness, how did we ever learn to tell the time! No wonder the digital clocks and watches became such a success.

Dave's sketch is the perfect example of how not to teach, but I remember too well one of my early maths teachers, who was exactly like that: insulting, patronising, intimidating, scary. No wonder my brain always shut down when he asked me a question! I'm still quite unable to give quick and witty answers off the cuff...

[MrSmidster]

legend xx

[kayja42]

I was crying with laughter. I was talking about him to a friend of mine just last week. We both think he is fantastic.Thank you so much.

[cutykity]

he's a genius:-)

[voozoo62]

This is real comedy. Not like the PC bullshit we get these days. Thanks for posting this.

[mbishop1965]

fantanstic

[Aylviana]

im related to dave!!!! not lying!!! its the truth!! hahaha i never heard of him until i found out i was related to him! he's soo funny! "fat hands move slowly.. they waddle"..:)

[Maphysto]

How have I not heard of this man before?

[Sofoklis33]

omg i never realised how stupidly the clock works lol :)

[lebowski7336]

I saw Dave Allen perform around New Years 1987. The man was brilliant, and while some reports had him using salty language, he didn't and was absolutely hilarious.

Perhaps one of the greatest raconteurs of the second half of the 20th century.

[Taiwanlight]

Aidonovc, he lost part of his finger in an accident when he was a child. Not sure exactly but I've a notion it was a window accident. One of my teachers at school also had a finger missing because of the dangerous sash windows we used to have in older houses in Ireland. Dave often made a joke of his missing finger.

[potstillbill]

@Taiwanlight A favourite story of mine was when a guy stopped him in the street and asked him 'Are you that Irish fella with half a finger?'

Allen's response was 'No. I'm the Irish fella with nine and a half fingers.'

Dry....

[taffylfc96]

Awesome!! Have u got any more?

[craftyvonne]

this makes me think ' It would be so good if we could turn back time', awesome comedian Dav' Allen, thank you for the memory,

[Aidinovic]

Absolutely timeless comedy.

But where's the rest of his left index finger? Anyone?

[jediknightellis]

Veteran of comedy, up there with the Monty Python level of funny, so much better than the new Little Britain crap, and that's coming from a 22 year old! Good upload!

[ZeHoSmusician]

Digital watches FTW!

[legefy]

how would you know when breakfast was? id be hungry LOL

[mattie30]

Up the top of the clock one and two is twelve... ITS NOT THREE!!! Classic. this genius is sorely missed...

[debraann57]

Keep giving us more of Dave Allen...He was brilliant!

[8DX]

Gosh just realised he's missing his forefinger.

"May your God go with you" =D

[Furbikini]

i miss his great comedy, Dave Allen was the best.

[pharcyde110573]

He always shot straight from the hip, as did many comedians of his time, what a no-nonsense comedy genius! There is so much talent out there today but alas I fear, it has been muffled by the liberal bed-wetters! Bring back the real deal how can you doubt Mr Dave Allen comedy does not get any better!

[NyteRyd2r]

"... and the third hand is the second hand."

I lost it there.

[351cleveland]

i just realized he is missing a finger lol

[elwynlear]

awesome!! dave allen is a master:O)

[Rogvikh]

smart ass kid

[noematik]

THe hour hand is the first hand, the second hand is the minute hand and the third hand is the second hand... LOL

[KBS99]

I adore Dave Allen & cried with laughter the 1st time I saw this on the TV years ago. The man was a genius.

[MomoTheBellyDancer]

I'm glad I learned reading clocks at school.

[dodgedart74]

the institution of lowered expectations

[davidwrightatloppers]

You can HEAR MY version!!!

[mijahan]

Grew up watching the genius of Dave Allen. Love watching him to this day. Thanks for the memories Dave!

[quantumforce123]

The Lee evans of his day...dare i say BETTER!....the best...RIP Dave.....

[alxjmartin]

When did Lee Evans become the everest of comparison for comedy? Dave Allen was brilliant, absolutely. And there's a gulf of talent and untalent between himself and Lee Evans.

[TheSteelStallion]

There are many types of humour, some people may find certain comedians funny whilst others are not. Yes Dave Allen is a great comedian and I myself love all of his routines but I also love Lee Evans' comedy. Sometimes I wonder why people like yourself cannot see clearly the meaning of the word "opinion".

[etnlIcarus]

@TheSteelStallion I his defence, accepting Lee Evans as the yardstick by which Allen is judged, is likely to be difficult for the best of us. Lee Evans: a man whose weapons of choice are generic physical humour, mundane observations and lazy use of the word 'fuck' - the latter of which being the very lack of imagination, for which Allen was quite critical. Without even addressing their respective longevity, I dare say comparisons suffer from more than just the rigours of subjective appreciation.

[TheSteelStallion]

@etnlIcarus That works both ways. While I stated my likeness of Lee Evans I was in no way comparing him with Dave Allen. While some may say Allen is a laid back genius, others may say he was a rambling idiot. Either way, it is pointless to compare the two as they both have give different takes with their comedic presentation. Lee Evans is observational and physical humour, Dave Allen is observational, both same yes but presented differently. There are no facts, only opinions.

[etnlIcarus]

@TheSteelStallion Excuse the multi-quoting.

"While some may say Allen is a laid back genius, others may say he was a rambling idiot."

If funny, since no one concerned said either.

"There are no facts, only opinions. "

You're really not doing yourself any favours with relativist voodoo like that, TSS.

[TheSteelStallion]

@etnlIcarus "if funny, since no one concerned said either"

I never said anyone here did...

It just slightly annoys me that some people cannot see the idea of an opinion, let alone when a person just continues to say their opinion is better. Then again me complaining about this point entirely is a contradiction in itself. Relativist voodoo, or ramblings of the internet. All the same.

[etnlIcarus]

@TheSteelStallion "It just slightly annoys me that some people cannot see the idea of an opinion"

Oh I get the idea of opinions, as I'm sure alxjmartin did. I just don't seem to share your sensibility regarding them, where they're valid simply by virtue of being opinions and thus above scrutiny. Queue melodramatic racist/sexist/homophobic/etc example.

"Then again me complaining about this point entirely is a contradiction in itself."

Contradiction, hypocrisy, either/or.

[TheSteelStallion]

@etnlIcarus Oh well.

[etnlIcarus]

"both same... presented differently."

Well there's an understatement. Lee Evans' approach to observational humour, besides (as already stated) being of the mundane variety, is also a deeply cynical and vacuous exercise. Allen's perspective is undeniably of the less common variety and whose observations serve as the basis for subtle social commentary, rather than to the exclusive effort of eliciting laughter. A fundamental difference, demonstrative in their work; a fact, by any other name.

[TheSteelStallion]

@etnlIcarus Well either way I think we can agree, people are free to express their opinion.

[etnlIcarus]

@TheSteelStallion Sure. Some opinions are just better than others. :P

Nice chatting with you, TSS.

[mikethetowns]

@etnlIcarus

You guys are gay.

[etnlIcarus]

@mikethetowns You've been cheating on me, I knew it!

[8DX]

You like long words it seems.

[etnlIcarus]

@8DX I like words, generally; long ones, if appropriate. Language is the closest thing I have to a hobby.

[bookworm12424]

"I'd be hungry"

"SHUT UP"

Lmao brilliant

[turdyhights]

lol this takes me back, i could never remembered this guys name but i remember watching him with my grandfather on a sat night when i was very little.

[dangerousprimate]

Dave was a truly great comedian!

[lostbhoy2]

how the feck did we ever learn the time????

[drepmore]

The clock face is basically just the sky and the hour hand is the sun's position in it, is it not?

[lostbhoy2]

yeah,that makes sense....think i'll get a digital watch lol

[drepmore]

Heh :)

[jimthedj65]

pure and utter genius the man was way ahead of his time...

[truewolffur]

I saw Dave Allan live once. He was so funny. He's sort of picked on someone in the audience and at the end said for him to meet him in the bar in the interval and he would buy him champagne. The guy said he did not drink champagne, so Dave Allan asked him what he drank. "Mild" (a type of beer) was the reply. Dave went into this long story about how champagne was the nectar of life and the drink of Gods etc. At the very end he just said, "Mild just makes you fart." It was so funny.

[narlacat68]

Allen is an absolute crack up!

RIP Dave, we really loved u

[samurai1833]

Forgot how great he was, every so often Detroits Channel 20 would replace the regularly scheduled Benny Hill with a Dave Allen show, brilliant man.

[ekim292]

If you like comedy genius and Dave Allen was one of my all time favouritives, we all need a laughter (the best medicine of all). Try typing in Les Dawson 'Blowing out the candle' Thanks for posting as 'sideslam' said!!!!!

[balucious]

classic frustration, he was a genius.

[croutonfada]

Savage! Thanks for this, pissed myself!

[daniel246]

arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

[SIDESLAM]

Thank you for putting this up, it really takes me back, its been said before he is a legend, hes also so much like my dad at the teaching, but thanks again for taking the time to put it up, you tube would be nothing without people like you.

[GRIDKEEPER]

Legend!

[zeusrw]

I've looked for this clip on a number of occasions, glad I found it. I remember watching this the first time it was on TV and since then I've tried to repeat the sketch for others with little or no success. Now I can point them to this clip and watch as there faces light up.

Awesome, I can't wait to teach my kids the time.

[Gilmaris]

I always struggled with the time whenever it was 20 or 25 to or past an hour myself, because in Norwegian, 14:40 would be "ten past half three" ("half three" means "half TO three" in Norwegian, not "half past" as in English). Those are simply more words than necessary. "What time is it?" "Five to half." And then I had to think a bit to organize the words and translate them to digital, 24 hour format. Which is the first format I learned, and the one I still prefer.

[GoblinXXX]

Digital watches don't even stop the insanity. My mom has one, and when you ask her the time, she peers at it, thinks for a minute, and says "It's a quarter til 7."

[Trabalesi]

Brilliant

[gjis4]

this guy was genius

[jimbobv8]

Love this guy. The way he does this you can imagine the little kid standing there. Brilliant.

[robmcginley]

Soooo bloody funny!!!!

I saw Dave at the City Hall in Newcastle in the early 90's. I have never laughed so much ...fantastic talent!

[BadNews88]

Note to sirtinycreep:

So do I, m8...so do I..

But his humour *shall* live on **forever!!**

Thanx for this, m8!

[webothlovesoup]

This series was great. I suppose this introduced me to stand-up. I wish they put this on DVD. If it IS available could someone let me know where to get it because having rewatched it, it hasn't dated at all and is very funny ! Dave Allen was wonderful. Thanks for posting.

[Turkeydistroyer]

that was brilliant i'm never going to read a clock in the same way hahaha

[horatiospillar]

I love Irish comedians. I can see were Dylan Moran got his inspiration from . 5/5

[DandeB88]

I wouldn't speak so generaly about Irish comedians...there's a lot of shit. Though I agree with the literary style of delivery, the content is far superior. Moran is an average observational comedian who wraps it up in good delivery. That's just me...I know I'm in the minority when I say that...just give me Kevin McAleer or Michael Redmond over Dylan Moran, Ed Byrne, etc.

[creeball]

i agree with wot u say of moran. he can sometimes sound kinda simple in his delivery then u think about what he says and u realise he has a very good point - it is that simple! just like his "schwartznegger" bit from LIKE TOTALLY.

[Ennisrfc93]

Rip Uncle Dave!x

[p3945u5]

Hours... whoures ;-)

[MeshyTito]

Thankyou so much for this - -I fell in love with him as an impressionable 13 year old in the 1970s - he was a very charming gentleman - I miss him loads.

[VainAppointed]

nice message

[neverbeen2]

i remember crying watching these first time round :)

[wendie70]

I have just bought the book the essential dave allen today in a charity shop an i was trying to explain who he was to my 18yr old daughter we just looked him up an the funniest sketch i remembered was this one. It makes you wonder how we all managed to learn to tell the time :) thanks femaleanimal for making me laugh like a mad woman xx

[femaleanimal]

That`s marvellous. What agreat parent you are!

[sotoj159]

@wendie70 :D

[nelsonaraujo86]

@wendie70 indeed! a great parent you are!

[d07a]

@wendie70 funniest sketch is religion

[Dovlacija]

absolutely briliant!!!

[EuroAlien]

Fantastic...this is one of my favourite, if not THE favourite sketch Dave Allen did - and it's great to see it again. Many thanks.

[lili020405]

I watched the show in the 70's, and he said I used to hold my drink this way, and put his missing finger in his drink...It was hilarious!

[mikopop]

Why is he missing of his finger, sorry

[IrishQT07]

He caught his finger in a cog when he was younger.

[Thanosthebrave]

I love Dave Allen. He's one of the funniest comedians ever. Shame he's dead though..

[amandajanetibbetts]

mad me laugh even though not in the mood !!!!

[bradjunk]

Always liked him. My fav is him as a Vicar collecting for the orphanage and the little boy answers the door. ANYone have that clip?

[ratholin]

this so kicks ass thanks for posting it.

[dazafc]

As funny now as the very first time I saw it! My mum & dad used to tell me about him, doing his stand-up/flat out routine.... whiskey in hand, back in the early 70's.... GENIUS!

May this man, who brought happiness to so many, Rest In Peace.... and MAY 'HIS' GOD BE WITH HIM!!!

[allycat114]

he's quite funny

[haerverk]

what an artist! my fav piece of his

[donkeyhumps]

Dose anybody know what time the watch strap shop shut"s at....?

[maccafan10]

Sorry, I've gotta run. I have an appointment at half past quarter to from.

[Forkez]

I think I just unlearned how to tell the time.

[lovelylea78]

Really makes you think how stupid our time system is to explain doesnt it!!

[jezcrazy]

He is so brilliant and very funny,i'm in stitches everytime i watch him.he is very much missed,there will never be anyone that could ever replace him.

[sirtinycreep]

I love this

[CK1223]

irreplacable

[lfcsponge]

brilliant comic and so much missed... so many irish comedians gained inspiration from dave.. rip!

[sirtinycreep]

Brilliant comedy. I wish he was still alive.

[gcarcass]

Brilliant, so funny!

[alijaan16]

classic comedy

[exaybache]

i just realised he's missing half a finger

[danny1374]

He actually told the audience once how he lost his finger, he said his dad caught him picking his nose once when he was a boy and cut it off! but hes told many different stories of how it happened so well never know!

[WhereEaglesDareUK]

tamesidecitizen.blogspot

[freakystyley73]

lol! "may ur god go with you"

[DaveP72006]

brilliant guy,i loved this series,much missed.

[gtirlad08]

a real master at work...god bless dave

[dazafc]

flmao

[tartanboyz]

the man was the best ... the guv!

[maxice40]

man o man thats a bloody good job they dont teach that it like this way at school i had a hard time getting it that way it is now lol but.... its fun as fuck man hes is 1 coool dude m8 r.i.p david

[dittohead300]

Comic genius.

I was fortunate to see him perform live in London. 2 solid hours he had the whole audience laughing. Truly amazing.

R.I.P. Dave.

[Backscrachter]

not be a good boy and learn to read the clock.and ill buy you a digital watch,lol

[DasDeutscheBand]

Thanks for this. As well as being as funny as I remembered, it brought back memories of seeing him live in the early 90's - the funniest stand up routine I have ever seen.

[femaleanimal]

I`m very envious1

[NuttyNeilman]

Brilliant!! Thank You

[LovelessOrBeloved]

lmao, i loved him so much <3

[kerrpy24vim]

In the name of the father and the son and into the hole he goes

[kerrpy24vim]

THERE HOURS NOT OURS. WHY?

[legomad]

So you don't get mixed up with the our's like

"thats ours!" Its spelled Hours!

[franklymike]

This is sheer and utter genius

[CRAWBURGER]

AND WHEN YOU LEAVE....KINDLY TAKE YOUR RELIGION WITH YOU....RIP Dave Allen....fookin' genius

[femaleanimal]

Could have been taken that way. But he always said it was to acknowledge our multi-cultural society.

[Morelessorother]

I saw this when it was on television for the first time back in the day. I hadn't seen this for years but could still remember the jokes and the way he performed it. It was a treat to see it again. Thanks a bunch for the upload :-)

[davidtennantmad]

*dies*

OMG.OWW. THAT WAS FUNNY ENOUGH TO HURT MY SIDES.

I love him.

I doo.

And I was like that child. "But WHY?"

"But you just said..."

Teehee

[sonadagothalus]

Anyone have anymore of him...he was at his best with his 1994 xmas special...as miserable and angst filled as ever. greatest comedy genius ever

[femaleanimal]

Which was his last performance, as far as I know. He one of those people who seemed to get LESS mellow with age!lol

[pang5]

My goodness. I know how to tell the time and he's managed to confuse me. :)

Seems like a genuinely enjoyable person.

Wish I could have seen more of him earlier.

[chriswils]

brilliant ....do u hav any of his priest routines, which i dearly loved, tx 4 the postings

[hew35s]

Nobody could have pulled this off like Allen. Utterly superb.

[tangsheen]

genious i remember watching his show on channel 11 when i was 8yrs old

[Cormando]

the third hand is the second hand.

ha - he's one of the greats alright.

[sheffbhoy]

BLESS YOU MY CHILD! I lost my veeja with this bit in, and I've been telling people about it for over a decade! Laugh? I nearly bought my own beer! You've made my day! Thank you so much!

[bollokchop]

excellent!!!! so true

nice one femaleanimal

i remember the one where he gets in trouble as a kid something to do with a phone i think would be great to see it again

[muz1234]

Excellent! If you have any more clips of Dave Allen, PLEASE post them. He showed how a good story could be told without having to swear every second word ... a bloody genius.

[psycho6killa]

Class

[cru5aders]

my all time favourite piece of tv.thank u female animal

[FilthyCute]

OH WOW! I can't believe you have this. It's my all time fave, nice one femaleanimal, you are class!

[DanielMumby]

This is marvellous. Can you post up some of his Holmes routines?

[keylines]

He was a master.

[midguardz]

more of these dave allen pieces please animal lady.

[femaleanimal]

There will be more, soon, I promise - I`m just having a few computer problems at the moment.

[n1960w]

I saw all the Dave Allen early 90's ITV shows, in my opinion these showcase some of Mr Allens best work ever. Very sadly missed.

[mwpmcintyre]

Please femaleanimal, more more more please? Dave Allen is just an absolute legend, and you cannot buy his work anywhere other than the repeated sketches in his videos.  Fantastic work!

[iuhxsevb]

I did not realise that he did another seriers Thank you for posting this.

[tinkabel33]

the best standup comedy scene ever. original idea, carried phenomenally... bravo and R.I.P.

[glamrockdj]

A great comedian, one of the best, nae the best

[flickpot]

very funny thanks so much for your clips