Single Moms Dating #1 Turn Off! These are my kids!

[PrettyConfident08]

It's very scary to read these comments on this page. I'm currently in a bad marriage of five years, due to the actions of my spouse (adultery). We have one child together and just to think of leaving him and having to face black men with negative views on women having children is so disheartening. It seems it’s better to stay and be miserable than to have to try to enter the dating world with black men with attitudes like these.

[lovein30days]

@PrettyConfident08 Please do not feel that way. If you are in a destructive relationship know that there are plenty of good men out there who would date you with or without kids, TRUST ME! I have met these men and interviewed hundreds and the comments you see below only reflect mostly immature little boys who have not experienced life yet. They are probably under the age of 30 and have never been married...

[lovein30days]

@PrettyConfident08 because in America the divorce rate is at 70% and over 50% of these divorces involve children. This means there are many single men and women out there with children so it is understood and expected in the mature population which is where you want to be dating and interacting with anyways. Not to mention, black men are not the only men who are willing to date your beautiful self. Your child is a blessing and an added bonus to any man who would choose to be with you...

[lovein30days]

@PrettyConfident08 if you decided that staying in a marriage that makes you unhappy was no longer an option.

[MyrandaLuv1]

or just dont be a single mom.....

[7575047]

You want to be a guy magnet? Be physically available!

[understanding7i]

I love what she has to say for the single moms out there! Very truthful and inspiring! But I must say as a single man with no kids, a house, good credit, and a 6 figure income, I would never date a single mom. And for you naive single moms who don't have a clue why single men don't date single moms, here's why. 1. Single Moms are Ignorant about female birth control or they don't use any at all. 2.Single Moms don't believe in abortion. 3.Singles Moms know the address to family court! CHILD SUPP!

[understanding7i]

I love what she has to say for the single moms out there! Very truthful and inspiring! But I must say as a single man with no kids, a house, good credit, and a 6 figure income, I would never date a single mom. And for you naive single moms who don't have a clue why single men don't date single moms, here's why. 1. Single Moms are Ignorant about female birth control or they don't use any at all. 2.Single Moms don't believe in abortion. 3.Singles Moms know the address to family court! CHILD SUPP!.

[Ravenex2]

Kids without discipline is like a zoo without animals, it's very important. I believe both parents need to be present. It's not just about money. The social structure needs to be there, the support, the decision making by both a mom and dad. There is so much that a child loses when they don't have a parent, it's serious.

[HardforJesus]

She wants a man who's submitted to God, A.K.A. a genocidal distant father figure? More proof all single mothers have stockholm syndrome. :D

There's no point in telling us your turn offs, lady. Men don't want you whores, or your little brudes of failure/future criminals, I mean, children. *Cough.

[jino3g]

@TheOldschool1979 Okay, but if you made the kid but didn't raise him.  You don't deserve the title of Father neither.

[YellowPaint100]

I'm speaking to both sides here: To allow some1 into u & ur kid(s) lives & to let them help feed, shelter, clothe, & protect ur kid(s) & then to say do not discipline them is a glorified baby sitter. If ur gonna get involved, fine, BUT DO NOT move in together or leave that person & the kid(s) alone all day. This is not fair to any1, man, woman, or kid(s). It only makes for frustration & bitterness years later that will eventually explode. Date at a distance & leave the kid(s) out of it

[TheHRchannel]

A man unable to discipline a child, he's taking care of, will make him feel like he's not the father because disciplining a child is part of the process of raising a child.

[jjtiojohn12]

either way how are you going to tell a child what to do, and you never gave birth to him or her?

[FRESHCOOLAIDE]

If Beyonce' was'nt famous, and wanted to marry me, but she had 2 or 3 kids, ... I would get with Kelly.

[delirious44]

I don't if your going to block me like a lot of women do when I oppose there argument . BUT maybe its because I'm not about to "submit to god" but I don't understand what kind of man wants to discipline a child that isn't biologically his THAT sounds like a weirdo to me to want to do that

[lovein30days]

@delirious44 LOL...well thank God me and many single women with kids are able to meet great "weirdos" :)

[delirious44]

@lovein30days most kids don't want to be disciplined by a man who is not there biological father . what about the biological father how does he feel that this man is disciplining HIS kids ? Now when I say biological I don't mean dude who is in jail or not there to be found , I mean the guy a woman shares a child with but for whatever reasons split with under fairly amicable circumstances but he still loves his kids still supports them financially and emotionally etc

[lovein30days]

@delirious44 Sweetie, I don't you can comment on most. The Census now show that over 60% of families are blended families where there is a step parent. Not all of these situations involve drama. In many cases, all of the adults get along and the step parent respects the role of the biological parent and that child is blessed with two fathers or two mothers. If the adults ACT like adults and put the kids first it can actually be a positive situation for everyone.

[delirious44]

@lovein30days COOL you can probably merge it and make it work cos your able to literate debate and listen well I'm judging that by your video and how you correspond with your comments . BUT in the black community you'll have to accept that your an exception amongst our generation of blacks today MALE OR FEMALE . Because from what I've experienced is we don't do the split family thing very well .

[MsNJohnson]

Im a single mom to an 11 year old boy and I think you make some great points.

[middletech]

Why would a man date a woman that had a kid. They can not be trusted with birth control. They do not respect the institution of marriage. They are arrogant enough to think they can do a good job with out a father at home.

The divorce rate for second marriages are worse than for the first because of the stress of raising the children.

There is nothing there for a man. Any man with balls would avoid a single mom like the plague.

[creetaylor7]

@middletech obviously, you had a bad experience. yes,its ur choice not date women with kids, but you just rattled off a very uneducated & judgemental opinion about ALL of US. i do have kids, i respect ur decision, but I definitely respect the institution of marriage. i WAS MARRIED and left for good reason. i'm not ARROGANT bc I am raising my kids alone, i do it bc its MY RESPONSIBILITY!! ! don't be so judgemental! you don't know everyone's story and/or situation! be blessed!

[Restarea11019V]

some single moms are ugly as fuck , fat an gross , no man wants to help someone like that

[mightyblack1]

A man without kids ,please stay away from them women with children,because those kids call the shot ovwer the mother and if you're a Step Dad,you will have battles with the kid and their punk ass frat boy daddy.You are on your own and that woman you're with will side with the child no matter right or wrong and will side with the bady daddy.Women with kids and no husband are damage goods too me,damn what happen to using birth control.If he loves God,hell she should love God too.

[rogerclark1976]

@mightyblack1 Really that would depend on the age, if you come into the child's life when they are a young age, say 3, and if the baby daddy is a punk ass frat boy he more than likely will not be in the child's life more than you, he probably will come around when he feels like it which could be once a month or twice. You'll have a greater influence on the child as time goes.

[mightyblack1]

@mightyblack1 Right now I'm hurting from the separation and it's hard from me to even deal with any sistas right now and I'm scared of them too.

[creetaylor7]

@mightyblack1 NOT always the scenario. I dated a man with no kids and i had 2. when it became serious, i had to sit down and talk with my kids, just as i talked to him before we got further into the relationship. yeah it was rough at first but I AM AN ADULT, I AM THE MOTHER! myself and no other responsible adult will be disrespected in my home, especially since he was the other provider! any woman that allows the kids to run things, shouldn't be worried about men until she get that issue right.

[mightyblack1]

@creetaylor7 I'm the damn fool.should have saw the signals when the little brat of a frat boy was giving me trouble.My wife side with this little boy bitch girl,and she throw a punch at me too and my Master Degree having as wife did nothing but call the cops on me.If a person have no kids ,please stay away from people with kids,and the little girl frat boy fag daddy was disrepectful toward me from day one and showed up unannounced.

[creetaylor7]

@mightyblack1 u had a bad experience so i can see y u would feel this way. but like i said, that is really on the mother! if she allows babydaddy's to show up unannounced and kids to be disrespectful, she wasn't ready for a relationship with you from jump. definitely sorry to know that you had to go thru that. although many many be on that type of bs, some of us are not! it's takes a lot of work, patience, and communication from both sides for these types of situation to function successfully :)

[1976tech]

LOL thats why I dont date wemon with Kids. Its 2 much work.

[SupaSteph80]

I was married aswell... And I take no offense to your comments. Well said to you aswell.

[janalyn629]

Great video. What if he doesn't believe in God? Is he not worthy of relationship/marriage if he is a good man? I'm saying when you put the religious criteria in there (a lot of good men are not religious, and in fact can't stand religion) that reduces your dating pool. just a thought....

[SoYahYah]

divorce should be illegal or you have to pay a fine of 1000 dollars..the money willl be donated to marriage counseling for those who want it :)

[thatnewguy84]

I do have to disagree about only wanting a man that has submitted to god. That makes no difference at all. Poeple in the church are not necessarily the greatest people on earth just because they say they have submitted to god. You dont have to believe in god to be a good person or a good parent. People who dont believe in god for whatever reason make good husbabnds, wives, and parents. It goes both ways just as there are bad people who dont believe, there are bad people who do believe also.

[thatnewguy84]

The problem is all single mothers dont think rationally as you do. Alot are still trying to find men that statisfy thier preferences instead of men that are good mates and father figures. I have seen it alot myself. Women who still want to date guys that are young and not ready or capable at the time of being a father figure. They might be a good boyfriend, but that doesnt equalu father figure.

[Lacehairwigs]

you are 100% right.single mums should find a right man to be a husband,and father and the kids should be raised together

[erinmammi]

it's hard enough being a black single woman trying to find a good man period...let alone one who is worthy enough for our children. Its obvious a houshold is better when the family is nuclear but the truth is these "Good worthy men" are not just roaming around waiting for a black single mother. And trust has to be established both ways...on the childs part, too. Thats kind of hard when most have been abandoned by their fathers. "Diva's" ? No. Mothers with common sense and good intent? Yes.

[taz010211]

I agree on that but the woman are the same way about not wanting to date single dads.

[gatester311]

no maam!!!!!!!!!!

[firefox8192]

Consult Dr. Neely Fuller on Black Male Female Relationships. Also se Dr. Na'im Akbar Dr. Amous Wilson on relatiionships. these people are QUALIFIED!

and have written and lectured extensively on the phenomenon of heterosexeual relationships. Their thesis is not based on "soup of the day".

[lesliepeppo]

it's not my fault that I'm a single mom. i know i was not designed to be the 'mother' and the 'father'...but look, the reason us single mother's are so uptight about not letting men discipline our children and so forth is cause there is a LOT of bad men, and/or bad fathers out there and it's hard to weed out the good, bad and the ugly....i'm just sayin

[chrisinft]

Men, if you don't date single moms you won't have to encounter these problems!

[lovein30days]

@violatione You sound so ignorant! The divorce rate is at 60%! Many single women with children were married.

[violatione]

@lovein30days The divorce rate is indeed high. However most of the single moms that I've come into contact with were not married when they conceived. Sad fact: A lot of women are popping out kids simply for the 216 monthly payments that come with them. I'm not saying that this is true for everyone but this is what I see.

[creetaylor7]

@violatione what $216 would you be reffering to? does anyone know? seriously?

[aslitusoa]

@lovein30days true 70% of divorces is by woman.

[violatione]

A true god fearing man is not going to date a single mother. The fact of your being a single mother brings your faith into question. Where was God and your bible when you were bringing those kids into the world? Personally I'm an Atheist and I don't care. But if I were a Christian man the above would be my thoughts.

[playgurl009]

@violatione A true god fearing man would know that everyone makes mistakes and he would also know that it is not his place to judge a person just because they do have a child therefore it shouldnt be a concern if the man can handle a child that isnt his (which i do know their are some that cant)

[creetaylor7]

@violatione you're not a God fearing, Christian man, so everything you wrote is biased...NEXT COMMENT THAT REALLY MATTERS please. and yes, they do date single mothers...and sometimes, they are single fathers...and it seems you only wrote on this so you can diss they Bible & God and announce your Atheism

[TJ347]

Submission? By today's women? What? If there were women like you around here, I'd have been married years ago. We need to understand that relationships require us to share authority, not try to run somebody else. That's why so many of us can't find what we're looking for, because we want to do it all ourselves. Thanks for this video.

[youdisc]

I agree with you everything your saying is true I think women need to back off and let the man handle buisness when the kid is acting up.Also the child can maybe limit bringing up her dad every chance she gets around the dinner table as it gets annoying so moms please dont condone it..The man is trying to build on his new relationship and the kid is bringing up old times constantly is disresoectful and make the man want to jump ship and start his own family

[menarddr]

It sound good, but the wimmens wif 2-3 childs from different mens are ARROGANT as fuck, dey thinks dey fucking Mariah Carey o' sum shit. Dey dont gives up de cookie, an act like dey shit made o' gold. Wimmens like dese need to fall on dey knees and Praise Jesus and St. Peter dat a fuckin'man is actually interested in dem and dey brood. I dont mind if de chilluns in dey room while we makin' love, shit, wimmens jes need to learn to keep dey voices down, no need fo' all de holerin' and yellin'.

[RachelLaFaye]

This is so true. I am a single mother of three. And I have friends who are single mothers as well. Many of them have the "MY kids" issue. Which I could not agree with at all. Seriously, if a man is standing before you ready to take on you and your children and you are going to stand there and get into an arguement with him because he put them in time out for drawing on the walls with marker. You should not be dating yet. When I meet "that man" he will have the right to treat my kids as I do.

[ddsharper]

That is not wise, in my opinion. Any psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor will tell you that conventional wisdom says hands off by step parents, let alone someone dating you. It sends mixed messages, fosters low self esteem in the kids. Discipline belongs to birth parents unless that mae raised the kid from a very early age. I don't agree with this lady saying you can't do it alone. Yes you can and must. I raised a step kid & never put a hand on him, raised my voice, etc, is opposite of many.

[ddsharper]

who feel that they have to yell and hit & spank black kids cause they went through the same. hateful brothas posting neg things about single women come from mixed messages & verbal & physical abuse growing up. Kids want to please their parents but after women get beat down, they beat down their kids. Lastly, they ARE her kids & these men aren't necessarily sane, wise or qualified to discipline your kids. Kids detect evil before mothers do & most men aren't worth the shoes they are wearing.

[blakebymharris]

what doe GOD have to do with it?

[JuggB]

Well if you dont believe that I guess you cant have any part in any relationship like this. Most likely she thinks a man that doesnt even know God is not a good man and thats unfair of her to put that strike against any man like this. I know that I dont have to submit to God to be a good man and fulfill all duties of being a good father and a morally good person, but you know some people are just like that and still will say they are openminded hehe + God is on their side automatically lol!

[DEVINECLUB]

I loved my ex girlfriend son and didn't mind him comming along with us on a few dates but she kept bring him along on every date...even when I was trying to propose he was there and he ruined it by kicking dirt all over our little picnic on the beach...I expressed to her that i would pay for a babysitter and all she does is try to make it out like I don't like him or something...ALL I WANTED WAS SOME ALONE TIME WITH JUST HER AND SHE COULDN'T GET THAT THROUGH HER THICK SKULL!!!

[sfordgg]

did you know in nv you can strip and prostitute legally and make big money my wife makes big bucks and she even paid off our student loans you dont need child support just move to nv

[moronpaul]

I'm a man, not a cuckoo bird.

[kievia04]

Y is it a turn off wen I say I hav 2 kids wit different fathers. neitha of their dads r there. I DIDNT plan 4 it 2 b dat way. Their dads take care of the kids they had already. Y do guys prefer 2 date single moms, & hav 2 argue & get n2 it wit THEIR babydaddys all the time?

[trynow11725]

@kievia04 The logic behind women, particualry black women who have children with multiple men dates back to slavery. When a young girl began to menstrate she was considered then prime for making babies that could be used as field hands or could be sold at a profit as slaves to others who needed and could afford to purchase these children. Black men where see as doing their owners a favor by impregnating women. More field hands. That past and that history is still in many black women.

[IlluminousUthra]

Very good advice "to bad" the majority of the women who watch this subconsciencely wont receive this message. Let's just pray for the sake of there children that some of these women take to heart this very TRUE message.

Good Stuff!

[ddsharper]

Illuminous: I do not agree with this woman or you. It is wrong and all it does is breed hatred in the child and low self esteem in their psyches. This goes against all counseling advice in family counseling by people who do this for a living, including the courts.

[IlluminousUthra]

ddsharper I think you are misinterpreting her message and my response. She mentioned that she does not agree with step dads putting hands on a womans children.

[ddsharper]

@IlluminousUthra - My badd!!

[IlluminousUthra]

She did say that the step dad should be able to put the child on time out if need be. That's what I agree with in this message. I'm in a marriage in which I have never had to place my wifes children on time out much less discipline them. Why? Because they respect me as a man and my role as a step father in our family. Those men who dont have it like that may have to look at them selves and how they are handling the relationship between the woman's children.

[ddsharper]

You are a good man and having been a step parent I really appreciate your ability to set boundaries. If I had it to do over I'd not do it. It was always a battle though I spent the lion's share of time with the kid. But the kid played on the fact that I had little authority. thanks.

[rbonilla18]

hahahaha who the hell in his right mind will date a single man.

[tpatterson0]

now that cold

[eritreasunshine]

not every man who claim and swear up and down that he whorsips in GOD is a good man..hint hint...catholic preists..and why does the the discipline have to be done my the head of the houshold the "man"...what makes him better...also i would NEVER allow my (when i do get married" my husband to hit my kids if he did not biology father them...tell me what happened and i will deal with it.

[OthelloCarmellow]

If that's true you had better have a good male role model for your sons (if you have boys) outside of your home, because I can tell you that any man that lets you run your house like that is a 100% punked out trick, and if you don't act your boy(s) will grow up to be hoeass pussywhipped men like your punkass husband.

Just being real with you.

[UltraDOG17]

speak the truth, cant raised champions if u coming from a CHUMP family. How can u be a King, if u an peasant. disgraced bastards & bitches

[JeiBabi]

you are right. I have a good man and I find myself saying my kids. But I had to fall back a little (just alittle) and let him do his thing. and he is so wonderful at

[trynow11725]

What about a single man's fear of having to deal with conflict from a singles mom's ex? Sometimes there is a lot of drama in that senario. The baby daddy IS the child's father. How do you manage a baby daddy who comes in and out can want to assert his authority over the kids that are his? The single man who walks into that might have to deal with a lot. Moreover ,the child can turn around to the next man and say

YOU are Not My Daddy, Dont tell me shhh. What then?

[rogerclark1976]

@trynow11725 Look him square in the eye, get the phone and say "Lets call your Daddy" then you and his father talk about this situation like men. True that's not your child but if he's under your care and you're providing for him, there's a level of respect that has to be shown, so talk with his father.

[onegreeneye]

good..true.true- i see mine coming..this year. fantastic video!! whats true is not always popular, but gods truths always prove to be so, in the end..after we may choose wrong.. we always see why god sets a certain order or rule that can be followed.. thanx.God bless.

[doorvboy]

they is no god ...so your mind is in the wrong matrix..

[dariusphilly]

the wrong matrix she is not ; Morpheus; ?? stick to your own kind ,im sure there plenty of atheist videos on youtube

[Johanswife]

did she really say a man who is submitted to god is the right kind of guy to have around your kids? lol What about the people who dont believe in god?

[lovein30days]

What about them?????

[rogerclark1976]

@lovein30days I've noticed many don't respond back to you.

[sdacrowe]

@Johanswife

That is me, well I am agnostic, but I guess since I don't believe in the popular myth of god or religion I will never have a man. Also, I am divorced with kids. Another thing, there is no proof that children weren't designed to be raised by one parent, that's a social (depending on a certain era) and religous piont of view, not a fact.

[rogerclark1976]

@Johanswife Verbatim? No, I didn't hear her say that.

[ELJones00]

awhile because allowing some "strange" man to become a parent to your child can put a strain on the child's relationship with their mother. I will also say that I could have a biased opinion because my mother's husband was abusive so I hated him anyway. In the event that he was a good man, it may have taken time, but I would have been able to accept him as a father figure

[ELJones00]

I am now 20 years old, and my mother began dating someone when I was ten years old... I would have tried to kill him if he ever tried to discipline me, however, I can understand your purpose in this video. If the mother is not around, and the only person available to discipline is the boyfriend/stepfather then some negative behaviors could go unaddressed if he is not allowed to disipline the child(ren). I would agree that you have to ensure its the right man and a man that will be around for

[lovein30days]

I understand what you are saying. It is a different case if the man is not a good man and abuses the kids. That is why I started to do what I do. It is very important that a single mom chooses her mate wisely so that what happened to you does not happen. But lets say the man really is a good man and loves the mother and child, discipline is a MUST by the head of the household!

SYDD

[ELJones00]

right, I do agree with that

[freek373]

this video should be required viewing for all single moms

[gvtuber]

Thanks.

[gvtuber]

Solid advice. Well stated.

Question - why do you call your female audience "diva"? As a 40-something black male I hear the word "diva" tossed around quite a bit.

As a women of study, I'll leave it to you to define for me what a "diva" is and how to spot one.

This is not sarcasm or facetiousness - just a pure quest for the acquisition of knowledge.

Gary Houston

[lovein30days]

Great Question!

D - Divine, all women are a divine creation of God

I - Intelligent, intelligence is attractive and no woman should dumb herself down for a man.

V - Vivacious - having life, energy. No one wants to be around anyone who doesnt make them feel alive.

A - A challenge, No man wants it if it is too easy. All women should place a value on their body and self worth and not give and abuse it freely

Hope that helped:)

SYDD

[camachmi]

shared parenting coming soon

[dznutz1971]

I live in Detroit, the "Baby Momma Capitol" where 8 out of every 10 womne got kids. I hate dating single mothers because they lead to dead in relationship and will give a brother a bad case of "Bitcheswithchildrenitis"

[lovein30days]

This is a great example of a "don't wanter!" Dude it is great that a man like you who would refer to a woman as a bitch and generalize all single moms, doesn't like to date single moms. They don't need a man...or a boy like you around their kids. They have enough on their plate.

SYDD

[nolanj23]

Takes a village to raise a child...a lot of women aren't choosing correct biological fathers to lead their children...but leaders are out here in abundance.

If he's capable to teach your child and even teach you...better recognize and let him.

[tonmagicwon]

hit her kids in the chest so hard ,it will make thay teeth clack.lol

[Dblock7185]

Sorry I don't date women with Kids. I don't have any , I might be wrong for saying this ,and I'll probably miss out on a good woman but I just can't do it..

[lovein30days]

Hey to each his own. I don't date short guys either. It is nothing against your own preference nor that which you don't desire.

SYDD

[BlaccBoii]

@Dblock7185 I concur...well said!

[DionLaurent1]

@Dblock7185 The only thing you'll miss out on is a bunch of drama. There is nothing wrong with being selective about the women you date. Women are selective all the time. It is only right that we do the same. Plus, a woman who had kids by a deadbeat or at an early age isn't that good of a woman to begin with. If she was, she wouldn't have had kids with a guy that is a deadbeat. And if she was married to the guy, what did she do to scare the guy off. That's how I think of it.

[toyoyta34]

great video

[blklacquer]

i was just talking to my cousin about this, and trying to get her to see her bf's point of view, but as you say some just don't get it.

[crtbgbrwn67]

Love it, and I have to agree. As a single man, you see it all the time. Great video.

[shav0nne]

I LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE that couch. I actually had a look at one like that not to long ago. :)

Applause on the topic.

[bloodadvocate]

real talk sista....happy new year

[DaTrAgGeRnAuT]

smh

[kamochej]

SYDD - You are so correct. There is nothing more maddening for a Man than to deal with a female who says "Yeah, you are the Man over everything in this house except my kids".

Those kids who consume the biggest amount of parents time, energy & money - and the Man doesn't have a say.

Like, WTF - if I'm doing manhood stuff I'm not going to beg a woman to let me be the Man. I'm just going to bounce.

Great video...

[Snowbunnie2006]

I love your vid's!!! Your so knowldgeable!