stop baiting this troll..``no audience no porformance..`` ..that is the only way to deal with em..outside of a shovel up side the head...unfortunatly..this is merly the intrnet..a device to show the world how very bad your spelling actualy is..
I remember as a child, my Father would teach me long Division and Fractions at the Kitchen table. Where he would take off his long belt and lay it on the table and when I made a mistake he would hit me with his belt. Where was my Mother when my Father would hit me with the belt??? Didn't she hear me crying?
Thats right, who cares about my Father and I; What's important is your social drama problems and your AP clases in Algebra. Please forgive me I lost sight of the true issues there for a moment. But thank you for putting me back on track.
I remember as a youth, the day I hated most, was "the last day of school." On the bus ride home, all the kids would be jumping up and down, throwing papers, going crazy, screaming, but not me. I would always keep my face looking out the window to hide my tears. No one on the bus ever noticed me frantically crying. Asnd I had to keep my composure as best I could. For me, the last day of school meant the begining of being alone with my Father "ALL DAY." My horor for me, was just begining.
I remember as a youth, I would kneel down and put my hands together and close my eyes real tight and praying to God wishing my Father was dead, And I would think If I just squeezed my eyes tight enough, my wish would come true. But it never did.
i jumped for joy hearing of the planes crashing into WTC. the sound of the impact was awesome. i love watching the people in the buildings desperately waving out the window for help. their cries for help were music to my ear. one by one, they jumped out the window,fell to their deaths. SPLAT! love the sound of the bodies hitting the ground. when the towers gave way, people in the buildings and on ground probably got crushed like pancakes. wish i were there to capture this kodak moment.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
I mean to force a girl to stay in state to college, I mean how dare the Mother to say that. How can a young girl face such cruelity as to stay in state to go to college. God forbid she should live in NEW York and be forced to go to Fordam UnIv or Columbia, God fobid that. Or if she lives in Calif, to be forced to go to UCLA, no no please no....Or if she lives in Mass to be FORCED to go to Havard or MIT, please lord no....
seriously, what is your problem? my life is nothing like that, asshole. i've been on my death bed tens of times before. i've had open heart surgery before i was even 10. and wtf i don't really care if I go to college in state. it's not that big of a problem to me, i just always wanted to go to colleges out of state. stay the fuck away from my vids.
Thank you for your profanity. What I am trying to express to you is "Perspective." You vlog on how hard your experience in High School, AP classes, where you are going to college...My intial comment was to infer that High school life, living with Mom and Dad, is a nice deal. And I wish I was back in High School. And I understand that you may not understand that at this time, but ten years from now. When you are looking back upon your life, you may finally get what I am trying to express.
and that part is perfectly fine, and i agree with you i will look back on my life and now i have priveleges, which i know i do. that's why i didn't find anything wrong with your initial comment. it was the follow up ones.
This comment has received too many negative votesshow
There are young girls, who live on the street, with NO money, hungry, no place to go, no cloths, and hooked on drugs. But their situations pales in the comparisons of this poor girl as she broadcasts her harships and tribulations to the world, from her bedroom, to youtube...on how hard High School is...
ok seriously dude your really starting to piss me off
all this shit you've said in the last several comments can send somebody in a relapes(sp?)
there are a lot of people that are recovering or starting to get a ED and you could have just triggered ana and mia to come stronger and take over someones life! do u really want that?
you are prob a 30 year old who still lives at home in their parents basement and has nothing better to do than diss a great video
The only people who keep my comments alive, are "YOU" people who keep responding with angry comments. I doubt very much if my comments here would drive anyone into a "Relapse." I do not think I have that power. You are just acting way too emotional. Well, I am sorry for "DISSng" a "Great video" lol, I do not evne know how to inturpret that. I too have been in the hospital many times for my ED. And for me, to have another replase would take more than a few words on utube.
No, both my parents have passed away. As a youth my Father would hit me and give me orders. And I would spend all of my time hiding from him. I hated him so much, I spent countless hours wishing he was dead. And when the time came when he laid in his bed and died, w/o tears I looked down upon him and thought, wow, the event that I have dreamed about for soooo many years came true. And I was in awe b/c it did not really feel as fulfiling as I thought it would.
What I used to do was ball myself up into a ball and try to squeeze into the smallest spaces in the closet and under my bed in an effort to hide from my Father.
And now, as an adult, I am consumed with working and paying the bills, taxes, maintaining the house, the car, the dog and cat, all by myself. And I wish I could be back in High School again, there are so many things I would do differently now. But that is my cross I must bare.
Oh, I do not intend this youg girls tragic high school experiences as she broadcasts from her bedroom, with a bed, a computer, iphone, in her house with bathrooms and a car with food to eat. I am sure she has a very hard and difficult life. And I can only pray for her.
I am sure the kids of Dafur having nothing compared to the tragic years you experienced in High School. They dont go to school, they spend all their time looking for water and food and trying not to get butchered by rival gangs, But I will still love to hear about your tragic experiences that scared you so.
Yea, I used to cut myself too. I cut myself b/c I could not feel anything. And cutting myself made me feel something. Can you imagine living life where you can't feel anything? I still think of cutting myself now, but I don't do it. I think of times when no one was around, late at night, kneeling infront of the refrigerator looking at the food inside of it, think what it would be like to eat. So, you all can keep hating me, it doesn't really matter.
Life is tough for a high school student???? Man I wish I was back in high School....Just wait till you get out in the real world...and see how tough it is...
you're SO RIGHT. IVE WASTED OVER 2 YEARS with this AND ITS NOT MAKING ME ANY HAPPIER. and i dont want to THROW AWAY MY LIFE OVER THIS. my God, thank you so much. <333333333
im really glad you have to goals to keep you moving forward. the diet pills would never make you feel better. woahh that's a tough AP class! LOVE your sock!! :)) im so glad you havent self injured (cut, restricted, purge, everything) either, that's a really good sign actually. keep it up!!! im glad you came to me for help, and im really glad you took the time with your friends. and you're so right, the storms don't last forever!!!!! LOVE YA BEA!!!
Bea, U r an awesome young lady. I know u can beat this ED. You have so much going for you. I look forward to your updates because of your positive outlook. You r a blessing. God bless. ~Susan~
I've not a clue what all these tests etc. that you mention are about as I'm from England and the most I know about SAT is what I've seen on Legally Blonde!
Have you tried ski socks? You'd think they'd be bulky but they're really not, they fit snug and are great at home or under trousers.
In a weird positive that the way the social drama has upset you is good really because at least you give a damn about it- you should be proud of yourself.
Bea, I was totally thinking yesterday when I was on here that I needed an update from you haha! Good to here you are doing okay. I love you girl! <3 Stay strong as always!
Bea, Hey good to see your update! i've been thinking of you! And you should be really proud of yourself! You are so right it's terrible when you given in and not worth it. It's great to see you so strong! I"m praying for you too!
My parents had similar thoughts on the college thing. I had a huge scholarship to my dream out of state school... but my parents wouldn't let me go, because I wasn't healthy enough. So, now I'm stuck here, but that just gives me more motivation to get better. and I hope what your mom said gives you motivation to stay on track.
You are always beautiful, whether you just woke up, or just got out of the shower. There is no need to apologize. Besides, beauty comes from within. ;)
Man, that sucks that your mum found them, but maybe it was good that you had that talk. use that 'driving force' of wanting to go to uni out of state!! keep strong hun :)
also it sucks that school is sucking right now, it is here too! and it is cold... i have had to resort to wearing trousers so i can wear long socks :) haha
stay positive and i hope school and the general drama get a bit better :) Philippa xoxo
hey bea, i've not commented before but i've been watching your videos for a while (still catching up on old ones that i missed hehe) - really glad to hear you're handling the stress well! i totally know what school overload feels like, so you're right to be proud of yourself :) you go girl!
hope things are ok with your mom, and that today's day of study is not too mind-numbing ;) love, Lízenka xxxx
Glad to hear that you're not letting any bad thoughts take over. I am struggling with it right now .. had an extremely shit day and feel so .. big and horrible but i didn't let it stop me .. i ate dinner and i'm trying to feel better and i will eventually :) it always helps to know that i'm not alone and other people are struggling just like i am.
I hope you overcome this completely as you are such a great person. good luck x
stop baiting this troll..``no audience no porformance..`` ..that is the only way to deal with em..outside of a shovel up side the head...unfortunatly..this is merly the intrnet..a device to show the world how very bad your spelling actualy is..
joeblowthehot 9 months ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I remember as a child, my Father would teach me long Division and Fractions at the Kitchen table. Where he would take off his long belt and lay it on the table and when I made a mistake he would hit me with his belt. Where was my Mother when my Father would hit me with the belt??? Didn't she hear me crying?
Drav1212 2 years ago
please stop spamming, okay? if you're so busy with your own life stop making comments on my videos.
who cares about u and ur dad? remember, there are kids in darfur.
OSnapski 2 years ago
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Thats right, who cares about my Father and I; What's important is your social drama problems and your AP clases in Algebra. Please forgive me I lost sight of the true issues there for a moment. But thank you for putting me back on track.
Drav1212 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
Please post another video and tell us more about your problems...
Drav1212 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I remember as a youth, the day I hated most, was "the last day of school." On the bus ride home, all the kids would be jumping up and down, throwing papers, going crazy, screaming, but not me. I would always keep my face looking out the window to hide my tears. No one on the bus ever noticed me frantically crying. Asnd I had to keep my composure as best I could. For me, the last day of school meant the begining of being alone with my Father "ALL DAY." My horor for me, was just begining.
Drav1212 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
I remember as a youth, I would kneel down and put my hands together and close my eyes real tight and praying to God wishing my Father was dead, And I would think If I just squeezed my eyes tight enough, my wish would come true. But it never did.
Drav1212 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
i jumped for joy hearing of the planes crashing into WTC. the sound of the impact was awesome. i love watching the people in the buildings desperately waving out the window for help. their cries for help were music to my ear. one by one, they jumped out the window,fell to their deaths. SPLAT! love the sound of the bodies hitting the ground. when the towers gave way, people in the buildings and on ground probably got crushed like pancakes. wish i were there to capture this kodak moment.
PsychologicalSioux 2 years ago
Wow, and I said all that w/o using profanity....
Drav1212 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I mean to force a girl to stay in state to college, I mean how dare the Mother to say that. How can a young girl face such cruelity as to stay in state to go to college. God forbid she should live in NEW York and be forced to go to Fordam UnIv or Columbia, God fobid that. Or if she lives in Calif, to be forced to go to UCLA, no no please no....Or if she lives in Mass to be FORCED to go to Havard or MIT, please lord no....
Drav1212 2 years ago
o yeah and can i ask why did you subscribe so you can flame her every time she lets out a video??
get a life dude
TheF22accord 2 years ago
seriously, what is your problem? my life is nothing like that, asshole. i've been on my death bed tens of times before. i've had open heart surgery before i was even 10. and wtf i don't really care if I go to college in state. it's not that big of a problem to me, i just always wanted to go to colleges out of state. stay the fuck away from my vids.
OSnapski 2 years ago
Thank you for your profanity. What I am trying to express to you is "Perspective." You vlog on how hard your experience in High School, AP classes, where you are going to college...My intial comment was to infer that High school life, living with Mom and Dad, is a nice deal. And I wish I was back in High School. And I understand that you may not understand that at this time, but ten years from now. When you are looking back upon your life, you may finally get what I am trying to express.
Drav1212 2 years ago
and that part is perfectly fine, and i agree with you i will look back on my life and now i have priveleges, which i know i do. that's why i didn't find anything wrong with your initial comment. it was the follow up ones.
OSnapski 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
There are young girls, who live on the street, with NO money, hungry, no place to go, no cloths, and hooked on drugs. But their situations pales in the comparisons of this poor girl as she broadcasts her harships and tribulations to the world, from her bedroom, to youtube...on how hard High School is...
Drav1212 2 years ago
you wanna shut the fuck up?
noone cares what you have to say why are you wasting your time even commenting on this?
you have no business here nobody wants to hear your shit.
so stay out of it end of story.
TheF22accord 2 years ago 4
agreed
itsjessica93 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
I am sure her computer only has a 150gig harddrive, and operating on windows XP, ohhhh the tragedy....
Drav1212 2 years ago
ok seriously dude your really starting to piss me off
all this shit you've said in the last several comments can send somebody in a relapes(sp?)
there are a lot of people that are recovering or starting to get a ED and you could have just triggered ana and mia to come stronger and take over someones life! do u really want that?
you are prob a 30 year old who still lives at home in their parents basement and has nothing better to do than diss a great video
so sht the fuck up, fuckingbitch
itsjessica93 2 years ago
The only people who keep my comments alive, are "YOU" people who keep responding with angry comments. I doubt very much if my comments here would drive anyone into a "Relapse." I do not think I have that power. You are just acting way too emotional. Well, I am sorry for "DISSng" a "Great video" lol, I do not evne know how to inturpret that. I too have been in the hospital many times for my ED. And for me, to have another replase would take more than a few words on utube.
Drav1212 2 years ago
I too was a cutter in my youth. Though I think about it often, I have gained more control over my life, as I mature.
Drav1212 2 years ago
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No, both my parents have passed away. As a youth my Father would hit me and give me orders. And I would spend all of my time hiding from him. I hated him so much, I spent countless hours wishing he was dead. And when the time came when he laid in his bed and died, w/o tears I looked down upon him and thought, wow, the event that I have dreamed about for soooo many years came true. And I was in awe b/c it did not really feel as fulfiling as I thought it would.
Drav1212 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
What I used to do was ball myself up into a ball and try to squeeze into the smallest spaces in the closet and under my bed in an effort to hide from my Father.
Drav1212 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
And now, as an adult, I am consumed with working and paying the bills, taxes, maintaining the house, the car, the dog and cat, all by myself. And I wish I could be back in High School again, there are so many things I would do differently now. But that is my cross I must bare.
Drav1212 2 years ago
Oh, I do not intend this youg girls tragic high school experiences as she broadcasts from her bedroom, with a bed, a computer, iphone, in her house with bathrooms and a car with food to eat. I am sure she has a very hard and difficult life. And I can only pray for her.
Drav1212 2 years ago
I am sure the kids of Dafur having nothing compared to the tragic years you experienced in High School. They dont go to school, they spend all their time looking for water and food and trying not to get butchered by rival gangs, But I will still love to hear about your tragic experiences that scared you so.
Drav1212 2 years ago
wow, it fascinates me how 4 years of 9 months play such a scaring event to last your entire life.
Drav1212 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
fat-ass crackwhore got stiffed by johns. your ass is so fat, that the ass cheeks weigh 20 lbs each.
TheoreticalSioux 2 years ago
I am sorry to hear that you cut. I recently did too, the first time in a year. Contact me if you ever need help in algebra!
perfecti0n92 2 years ago
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Yea, I used to cut myself too. I cut myself b/c I could not feel anything. And cutting myself made me feel something. Can you imagine living life where you can't feel anything? I still think of cutting myself now, but I don't do it. I think of times when no one was around, late at night, kneeling infront of the refrigerator looking at the food inside of it, think what it would be like to eat. So, you all can keep hating me, it doesn't really matter.
Drav1212 2 years ago
Life is tough for a high school student???? Man I wish I was back in high School....Just wait till you get out in the real world...and see how tough it is...
Drav1212 2 years ago
ohhh im in ap gov too, so far my class isn't too bad! and, something to maybe help your stress, you can take the SAT as many times as you need to :)
ellie1289 2 years ago
girl, the last, like, 2 minutes of this video were extreemly inspiring and motivating.
seriously. thanks. <3
molly p.
anavalentina1 2 years ago
you're SO RIGHT. IVE WASTED OVER 2 YEARS with this AND ITS NOT MAKING ME ANY HAPPIER. and i dont want to THROW AWAY MY LIFE OVER THIS. my God, thank you so much. <333333333
dauntlessdreams 2 years ago
im really glad you have to goals to keep you moving forward. the diet pills would never make you feel better. woahh that's a tough AP class! LOVE your sock!! :)) im so glad you havent self injured (cut, restricted, purge, everything) either, that's a really good sign actually. keep it up!!! im glad you came to me for help, and im really glad you took the time with your friends. and you're so right, the storms don't last forever!!!!! LOVE YA BEA!!!
-molly
dauntlessdreams 2 years ago
Bea, U r an awesome young lady. I know u can beat this ED. You have so much going for you. I look forward to your updates because of your positive outlook. You r a blessing. God bless. ~Susan~
weasalw 2 years ago
Hi
I've not a clue what all these tests etc. that you mention are about as I'm from England and the most I know about SAT is what I've seen on Legally Blonde!
Have you tried ski socks? You'd think they'd be bulky but they're really not, they fit snug and are great at home or under trousers.
In a weird positive that the way the social drama has upset you is good really because at least you give a damn about it- you should be proud of yourself.
Have a good week you and Molly
X
whimsical2tree 2 years ago
Bea, I was totally thinking yesterday when I was on here that I needed an update from you haha! Good to here you are doing okay. I love you girl! <3 Stay strong as always!
Soccerwin785 2 years ago
Bea, Hey good to see your update! i've been thinking of you! And you should be really proud of yourself! You are so right it's terrible when you given in and not worth it. It's great to see you so strong! I"m praying for you too!
Jalynn99 2 years ago
thanks for the update and the reminder that the urges to binge/purge and all that pass! <3
lckychrm827 2 years ago
My parents had similar thoughts on the college thing. I had a huge scholarship to my dream out of state school... but my parents wouldn't let me go, because I wasn't healthy enough. So, now I'm stuck here, but that just gives me more motivation to get better. and I hope what your mom said gives you motivation to stay on track.
You are always beautiful, whether you just woke up, or just got out of the shower. There is no need to apologize. Besides, beauty comes from within. ;)
-Sam.
SwirlsOfInsanity 2 years ago
Man, that sucks that your mum found them, but maybe it was good that you had that talk. use that 'driving force' of wanting to go to uni out of state!! keep strong hun :)
also it sucks that school is sucking right now, it is here too! and it is cold... i have had to resort to wearing trousers so i can wear long socks :) haha
stay positive and i hope school and the general drama get a bit better :) Philippa xoxo
1AlwaysAndForever1 2 years ago
im totally right here with you. stupid school.....
ehhhh....
PSAT HERE WE COME! FUN!
NOT!
xoxo
-amanda
flyaway3860 2 years ago
lol yes it does pass
and its funny that you said keeping busy helps..
it even helps with dealing with bad relationships.
bevon17 2 years ago
thanks! it's russian =) well, russian nickname, so most of my english friends can't pronounce it hehe xx
MissLizenka 2 years ago
haha same, most of my public online profiles are Beata, which is Polish so yeah.
OSnapski 2 years ago
hey bea, i've not commented before but i've been watching your videos for a while (still catching up on old ones that i missed hehe) - really glad to hear you're handling the stress well! i totally know what school overload feels like, so you're right to be proud of yourself :) you go girl!
hope things are ok with your mom, and that today's day of study is not too mind-numbing ;) love, Lízenka xxxx
MissLizenka 2 years ago
thanks hon <3
you have a beautiful name btw. =)
OSnapski 2 years ago
Hey Bea,
Glad to hear that you're not letting any bad thoughts take over. I am struggling with it right now .. had an extremely shit day and feel so .. big and horrible but i didn't let it stop me .. i ate dinner and i'm trying to feel better and i will eventually :) it always helps to know that i'm not alone and other people are struggling just like i am.
I hope you overcome this completely as you are such a great person. good luck x
sweetiepie456 2 years ago
thank you babe <3 the support means a lot. really. =)
stay strong, for me.
OSnapski 2 years ago