So, like, Hopes and Dreams?

[plaidplatapus]

@redacid22 you're*. As in, YOU'RE a moron.

[MissFeefs]

My hopes are to stop cutting myself. Kidding..

[ThatWeirdo04]

@MissFeefs You shouldn't joke about that.

[CosmicSolitude]

LMFAO.

[StillnessVanishing]

I don't have the money to go backpacking through Asia lol.

[YankeeDoodlePoodle]

ur xmas lights r so kool

[msemppu]

I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!! dear lord do i just adore you ! can i just say one thing , you're the cheese to my macaroni :3 teeehe

[LokcedUot]

Any time when "I told you, like, two weeks ago, I masturbate to Pokemon porn, so the joke's on you" can be said successfully is a very good time.

[stephbanh]

are you quoting Never Been Kissed?

"So like, what are your hopes and dreams?"

haha.

[astrid930]

My dream is to become a nurse... and to become happy and to feel safe...

[sasukeichigo12]

Of course you like chelsea handler! She drinks and has plenty of sex toys as well! I feel like we are twins now <3

[KimHjalmarsson]

I totally agree! Comfort food shouldn't judge you!

[TheTwilightlover202]

I don't need my comfort food judging me!!!! LMAO I freaking luv u!!!!

[failuretosay]

can we please wack it to some pokemon porn together sometime?

[Omnislayer7]

I masturbate to pokemon porn too. We should be friends.

[TheKyotcha]

me and my future band will be the next big thing!!! wait and see!!! :D :P

[hpls]

you're like... the best thing that ever happened to me. what does that say about my existence?

much love <3

[kahleentenshi]

My dream is to gain my Bachelors in Nursing so that I can go back to college and major in music (jazz studies--piano) while having a nursing "day job." Hopefully, I'll be successful in music and eventually not need the nursing job to take care of myself. Then I can be a full-time musician/ singer-songwriter

[noshitbitch]

Omg you put my comment at the end, what even. I should probably watch these videos when they come out and not two months after.

[Incenderio]

I don't know why I don't watch your videos more often. You make me so happy.

[NoahAndABadger]

degratuated high school

[MsLawlMuffin]

Move to Oklahoma after I graduate school to live with my best friend. Bum around for 1-2 years with a fulltime crap job, save the money and travel around US and Canada to hangout with friends I havent seen for a while lol.

So big right.

[gayhappykid2]

You should do a video of you playing tennis. I love playing tennis :) I will acomplish your dream for you.

[colormyworld9555]

She actually really have done that.

[xvrhernandez349]

My hopes and dreams to have the high paying job I want get the car of my dreams and marry the man i love most :)

[hollaa19]

LOL! My dream is to one day be just like you!

[TangerineLightning]

David Sedaris, YES! This is the first I've heard anyone else mention him :D

[jamesterrules]

@TangerineLightning Right?? David Sedaris is seriously one of my favorite author's, too! His essays are hilarious and his narrative is so brilliant. He never ceases to amaze me. Props to Joe for having great taste in books :D

[ceres51892]

Oh, Joe. XD Those haters all secretly adore you. Less than three.

I'm glad you're writing a book! My hopes and dreams are to become a great author-ess myself, and to leave the country (sooner rather than later) and fall in love and get married. Yayyyy hopes and dreams..... (*sobs in a corner realizing how hopeless they might be*)

-Ri

[MrsWizz96]

I adore David Sedaris. js.

[AnastasiaMai03]

I'm usually smoking weed when I eat Dorito's .. I don't need hopes and dreams.

[Fkreisler]

so funny :)!!!!!!! ure awesome

[xstarbucksjunkie]

You should read Olivia Munn's book. It's called "Suck It, Wonder Woman!"

[TransSquid]

bahaha awesome man, just stumbled upon your videos through an ftm friend and haha yeah, i like what i see!

pokemon!

[KristinSpradling]

THANK YOU!! I quit eating Doritos because of the effect it had on my self-esteem. Not only was it adding inches to my waist, but the stories on the back were reminding me that I am almost 30 and have neither invented anything or raised money for an important cause.

[ThePooh0987]

gosh, joe, i would kill for a body like that. my hopes and dreams is to win at least one grammy. sadly, i cant play any music. but5 that's my hope and dream b4 my ultimate hope and dream.

[SpiltMilkyWay]

It's about time someone made a video about the pressing issue of condescending bags of Doritos. How dare they try to make me care about orphans in Asia, anyways. ):

[NizzeeyDudee]

your such a queer but so amazing.

keeep it up ;D

[xxxHALOHEADxxx]

LOL! Nice. Quote of the day: "The last thing I need is my comfort food, judging me." Ha!

[RantfulVlogTv]

I love you joe!!!!!!!!Ahhhh your funny.

[jessicasaysthis]

"what. a load of shit." :D

& Is this the book that you used to read some parts on blogtv? Cause if it is...publish. that. shit.

[Carsonwashere12]

You have no idea how much I love David Sedaris! I met him once, he randomly pulled me on stage to introduce him in this small reading in VA. Best moment of my life.

[abc5606579]

I would very much like to publish the companion book:

'People I've done and things I've slept with'

[MissShaniquaX]

They call me Stacy. And thats my name.

[SkinnyWhiteMan]

Win.

[fugue10]

Those damn stories on the back of the Doritos bags....

Like I need the bag of chips I'm stuffing my face with to tell me to get my ass off the couch....

[bluiz2006]

Her life savings? Shit, i'm 22 and my life savings at this point is like $200. Fail.

[robertraymondprather]

Love the Dorito Schpill

[IloveyouSamanthaHuff]

'first of all, what a load of shit? first of all Doritos, why you gotta' be like that? We were just having a good time!'

and In the beginning of the video, the first time you said Dor'i'tos I LOVED:))

[SteveTalksSlow]

your so amazing! thumbs up!

[PurpleMyIpod]

Uhhh! I know, why can't Doritos be like cheetos and say a short stupid poem and tell me how many chips I can have.

[sanil87]

I love you Joe!

[VictoriaaaMF]

Just to let you know, I subscribed because I love your voice. Fuuck the haters. (:

[accioanna]

ahhhh gah i love you

[warezvz]

yeah "life savings" with 22 sure thing bro she saved 700 people with 100 bucks

[mugz490]

i love you barb!

[dudewitstix]

HOLY SHIT. BARBARA ROBERTSON IS JOE!!!!!!!!!!!

[DaniandJeff11]

I agree with the Doritos. I feel like they put those stories on the back of the bag to make you feel like crap because you are wasting your life away so you eat more Doritios. Then you finished the bag so you decide to go out and buy more Doritos and the vicious and delicious cylce continues. I have to say, it's a pretty good way to get more money.

[tuesdayis4ever]

BAH! I love you! I can relate so much! I was eatin doritos and the back of my back was talkin about some kid who went on a family trip to Africa an made some organization..

WHO TAKES FAMILY TRIPS TO AFRICA?!?!

[pam7378]

i like reading those in the back of doritos....xD

[PurpleMyIpod]

Ahhh! Watching ur videos fucks up my grammer! :(

[PurpleMyIpod]

@bonniegracex3 He looks actually sounds like the guy who has the mustache and says "Oh Nooooo"

[meaniekilleenie]

i love that book by david sedaris! <3



[teganbowiefreak]

My dream is to get signed or to sell a CD with dftba records.

[WhatsUpItsAndrew]

YOU EAT DORITOS?? THEN WHY YO ASS SO SKINNY #SMH.

[mle011]

"The last thing I need is my comfort food judging me!" lol Oh, and I love Chelsea Handler! Her books are on my to-do list!

[TaylorMcDreamy]

you are the shit!

[0xXemoemoemoXx0]

for some reason, i'm unable to stop looking between the triangle on your shirt and the triangle on your wall.

i supose those are my hopes and dreams one way or another. you know.

[AlwaysBeMyThunder21]

"I dont need my comfort food judging me!"

OMG you are wayy too funny!

I love Chelsea Handler she is soooo hilarious!

[xmelissaruthx]

pretty sure half of the views on this video are me ;) <3

[peaceloveandpeaches]

I have always wanted to learn how to use chopsticks. Those damn things are impossible! No wonder asians are so freaking skinny!

[abbystraws]

doooritosss

[syrapickles32]

My hopes and dreams are to become CEO of Doritos and make them stop the nonsense. I agree we don't need our comfort food looking down on us. Our parents do enough of that.

[dudewitstix]

do you even go here?

[Bamaboy87]

I want to be the very best, like no one ever was!

[murray19831983]

@Bamaboy87 is it sad that i recognized the pokemon quote?

[Bamaboy87]

@Bamaboy87 Nope, just means that you know your Pokemon lol

[PoeticPoppa]

I'm going to open a dinner theatre. Theatre Degree CHECK Culinary degree IN PROGRESS

[FancyJesse]

You should make a video about me.

I just got a hair cut :)

[justicefosho]

OMG, I have “Are You There, Vodka? It's Me” also... she is so funny... HOPES - ? DREAMS - ? AGE – 27 = TOO LATE

[Sasuke3909]

For a second I almost unsubscribed but the you said "what a load of shit. First of all dorritos..." haha :) still my favorite gay!

[HimynamesWILLIAM]

Omg... I just ate a whole chocolate cake just watching your video made me feel a whole lot better about myself.

[justicefosho]

@HimynamesWILLIAM DAMN, that's messed up...

[TommysBed]

you are da best

[Layla818]

OH MY GOOOSSSHHHH! i cant wait until you finish this book!!

i cant wait to read it! im sensing a pre-order in my future! (:

[wallflower357]

HAHAHA omg i have re-watched this ten times. i laughed so hard i cried.

[biogodinkley]

not only is she younger and spicer than you..she's on your food. a privilege you'll never attain.

[db369x]

wait david sedaris is my FAVORITE author! .. i love you even more for loving him .. i literally have all his books .. and i've read them 3-4x each

[whitestripesiluv]

My dream is to like help people and stuff. Or win the lottery in which case I won't be helping anyone but myself to whatever the fuck I want. But you know helping people and stuff.

[bonniegracex3]

I love your voice, it reminds me of that creepy old man on family guy :D

[matchyoursocks]

My hopes and dreams are to beat Lindsay Lohan in a coke like race.

[mychemicalwhatever]

i love love LOVE david sedaris! i went to a book signing of his and he gave me a condom. :D

[ISnoggedHarry]

You tell that bag of Doritos. SPEAK FOR US ALL.

[g1asses]

I rewatched this video because it reminds me of all the good times I had watching "Lord of the Rings."

[disneykid1]

@g1asses it took me a minute but i see what you're saying there.

[carolinaladivina]

@g1asses i don't get it!!

[g1asses]

@carolinaladivina It was a Gollum joke.

[jewman714]

Michael Thomas ford is my favorite gay author.

[MrSquaretwo]

You really enunciate "dorito's"

[quirkysamlauren]

I just want a life, so I don't have to watch you for entertainment. Just kidding, I love me some Joe.

[kateaisling]

i want to get one dress down one red carpet some where. i dont care whos wearinf it or if its for some zero star film in the middle of no where. i just want to see something i made make someone look beautiful.

[MCRlover17]

My hopes and dreams are to write an amazing fiction novel, become and LGBT therapist, create a school from K-college to help mental and physically disabled people, also to an artist on the side (painting and doing photography and do more queer/LGBT themed artwork)

[Chocaz]

my hopes and dreams are to CHANGE THIS ABSOLUTELY ABSURD POST-COLONIAL ATTITUDE ppl still have. Makes no sense, but I'm getting there. sigh...

thanks for an awesome Cup of Joe!:)

[xkilledxxcupcakex]

HAHA! I've totally thought of this before!

[gordogreat74]

I hope to become rich enough to never have to work & to get a cute house boy to entertain me. =:P

[Pixiesoapbox]

I wanna be the answer to a question in Trivial Pursuit. That's the mark of true achievement!

[WEwalked]

So when you have sex with dads, do they like it when you call them 'Daddy'?

[lilyput1000]

my dream is to become a nurse =D yayyyy

[minhngoanhien]

"the last thing that i need is my comfort food judging me" hahaha oh Joe ur videos are more quoteable than Mean Girls.

[25butterbeers]

Since I finally got a job yesterday I guess I am going to have to change my hope/dream...

[Mitchellfw]

My hopes and dreams mostly involve me owning a country home I can go summer at. I used to want to be an author but it's mostly involved me writing (or pretending to write) the same story... and then destroying it in disgust and redoing it for the fifth time in the last 8 years.

[duckie789]

interesting how that story pissed u off, and then inspired u, maybeeeee it just pissed u off because you know that you could be doing more with your life than you are. just saying thats kind of bull.

[bwguy6]

@duckie789 uh yeah that was kinda the point of the video

[duckie789]

@bwguy6 just saying, he was inspired by the story, hence the point of putting the story on the bag, but it pissed him off, he should be grateful that there are people like her in the world and it should make him want to do better things, im just saying its stupid and selfish to react so negatively to a good thing.

[bloo91tinson]

I fucking love your videos!

[03oli]

well i hope to be a social worker and help as many people as i can and i would also like to help the LGTB community and the hispanic community 2. :) i love all your videos they always make me laugh lol thank you so much

[BriIsTheFinestCheese]

"the last thing I need is my comfort food judgin me!" ...I'm waiting for the message in the nutella... "this is Maggie! She weighs sixty pounds! DO SOME PUSHUPS LARDASS"

[chibiwolf1005]

Remind me why people hate you? Sorry I just find you funny. I hope all the shit people say are just jokes 'cause you're pretty cool to me.

[ladymadonnasky]

I would definitely buy your book. 2 Copies, one for me and one for my mom.

[BrettWieckhoff]

I want to write amazing novels :D

[thenamesbanana]

Sweet Chili Heat is the only way to go!

[mitsku]

I like how you say Doritos

[typicaljeremy]

my hopes and dreams is to be 22, from New Jersey, back pack thru Asia, and become so moved by the orphans over there that I never come home. I then will spend all my savings to build a orphange. ;)

[DlxGirl]

to be come that person who will someday slap you across the face and say, "bitch get off of your ass and throw the boonesfarm bottle away", and then continually make your life a living hell until you do something productive. Eventually your life will become a movie, but it will be called the Pursuit of Alcohol instead of the Pursuit of Happyness.

[disneykid1]

@DlxGirl "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Alcohol" that would be a good title for the book.

[DlxGirl]

@disneykid1 If you use it you have to give me a shout out in there that says "This book is for DlxGirl, thanks for turning my life around you crazy bitch."

[owlcityfish]

i dont know what my dreams are but my bud bex's would very much like to work for playboy...shes a classy lady

[eunibrows]

You should punch Maggie in the face.

[Brookerdoo]

in regards to your book, i love it when a story comes full circle. Example- David Sedaris' story Monster Mash in When You Are Engulfed in Flames.

I think if you did something like that it would turn out really well.

p.s. if you dont have when you are engulfed in flames, go get it right now. k thanks.

[theearthturns]

You're much too thin to be the typical Dorito consumer.

[vanitytragic]

maggie must be some bitch with a silver spoon born in her ass, because how in the hell did an 18 have "life savings" she must have had an easy life. Doritos I cannot compete with someone who is already ahead, thats like putting a celebrities kid on the bag because they read to the blind :P it's not selfless when your not sacrificing much.

[sweetfuckingchrist]

I ♥ some David Sedaris. You need to be like him. NOW.

[TheSingingPeople]

"I didn't have a point to this video except for that my dorito bag was pissing me off today" yesss. You pull it off Joe, you pull it off.

[MacbookJesse]

Your dream died when your coach died? He must've been like.. super hot.

[SeriouslyPissedOff]

pokemon?

[chapstickbandit]

holy macaroni, if your book is a cross between david sedaris and chelsea handler i'm pre-ordering a copy now.

[NaviiAvii]

i love chealsea handler!!! and you~

[PeachGirl009]

My goals? Well, I am still in Highschool, so my goals is to make it out of that and survive in the "real world." Wish me luck! I don't know what I want to be when I grow up!

[briisizzle]

I think the point of the story was to encourage you to actually do something with your life... and yes I mean you Joe.

[ProperPunctuation]

Question Joe-WHERE DO YOU FIND GOOD POKEMON PORN?! All the sites I find are terribly awefully tragically BAD.

[BohemianEdward]

@ProperPunctuation I agree wholeheartedly.

[ash29ley]

i guess good CAN come out of doritos! unless you enjoy anal leakage...

[IDatedTheGiantSquid]

Screw Doritos and their taste of judgement.

They are just jealous of my mad skills.

[urJOLLIN]

Why don't you make a video about your childhood?

[rathermisplaced]

"The last thing that I need, is like, my comfort food judging me" - <3

[nanogenetic]

your accent is getting charmingly thicker

[trulybliss8]

I actually wanted to be a writer until I found out you were gonna write a book.

[iplu]

You're one beard away from hoboness.

[RainbowSquidCo]

David Sedaris! I love David Sedaris!

[Ganychan]

Hope and dream : i'm writing also.

[xoliviaox]

DAVID SEDARIS IS GOD.

[eccentrified]

That story ruined my breakfast...I had to replace reading the cereal box with reading the dorito bag...

[thatsamanthaiam]

AHHH i just finished reading Me Talk Pretty One Day

He's so awesome

[soccervanburen]

He’s a FLamer!!!!! ahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahah

[sanye0706]

"my comfort food judging me" lol :DD

[allisoneatslomein]

You have the cutest hair ever.

[thetman55]

I feel like I'm the only who gets the "Never Been Kissed" reference...

[specsCsims]

You look paler today.

[6524dancer]

After high school, I hope to attend NYU and work at a fashion magazine.

[sabxzilla]

i hope to be your friend one day :) but seriously, i want to be a clinical psychologist & work with kids. yay!

[LoveAudraLove]

Hopes and dreams= becoming a Pokemon trainer. Gotta catch 'em all!

[deathbeforelaceX]

@disneykid1 (I think that was HIS hope and dream, not a suggestion for you :3 )

[carmenriots]

I really want them to bring 3D Doritos back.

[yirock]

omg david sedaris makes me moist

[PutMeOnAPlane]

I finally thought of the pokemon you look like! Its been bothering me forever! dodrio!

[properliz]

I'm indifferent to my comfort food judging me. I'm totally different (...ummmm opposite of indifferent?) to my comfort food judging me by rubbing my face in the accomplishments of people younger than me! Please don't show me a 21 year old who has cured the world of Malaria and Justin Bieber. Show me a 23 year old and I can be like "Well there's still time for me"

[aquaticsirens]

The Last thing i need is my comfort food judging me!

[RainbowsOnLegs]

David Sedaris' books on CD accompany my family and I on almost every family trip we take.

[TheFredandKettchShow]

Her parents go to my church :/

[rbekers26]

Omygod you're so gay. And not in the homosexual way.

[Idogrock]

@disneykid1

*whispers*

then move to ontario ;)

[qwertyoctopus]

Oh, joe, you make me laugh with your hilarity.

[lilballerina]

Ugh, Joe I know what you mean. It's like every time I open a bag of Lays I'm bombarded with some inspiring story.. I just wanna eat my chips man!!!