Suicide Vid 1 - Austin and Me - Suicide in the Family

[Ghostlocc2]

i remember alot of time ive been thinkin about suicide but it never worked ive try three time...smh life is life people

[CrazyDazzlinAshleigh]

Hi please I had a ex boyfriend named Austin and he committed suicide and please I need answers please can ANY ONE I don't care who but please some one if u no an Austin the committed suicide please help... I'm begging please... If there's something I wanna know, it's how the love of my life passed away.

[PennyAnn25]

@CrazyDazzlinAshleigh I'm not really sure what you are asking. If you are asking how or why, I don't think we can ever know for sure why people comit suicide. We can guess, formulate, but it is can be a very private matter. The person often does not express the true extent of their pain to family & friends & most don't leave a note. The best we can do is know that their pain has ended.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[carlose0318]

so sad especially when someone commits suicide at such a young age. often they just can't see what's ahead of them, and that better days await...thanks for telling your brother's story and my condolences for your loss. R.I.P. Austin. Take care

[PennyAnn25]

@carlose0318 Thank you. I think that is a really big part of it. They can't see beyond what is happening in that moment or beyond their current emotion or state of mind.

[SuperAntiZionist]

I'm 100% convinced that the only people who enjoy life are retards (this includes religious people, stupid people, etc), and those who seek entirely to suck the good out of others (ie: human parasites, greedy, materialistic, egotistical, etc). Keep in mind these two categories account for 90% of the human population.

[PennyAnn25]

@SuperAntiZionist I have had periods of hating life and hating being alive and I have had many periods of enjoying life in between those periods of hating life. And I'm not religious or stupid or greedy, materialistic or egotistical...

[NoorminAllah]

read the Quran.

[taullynnecullen]

12 days after my birthday!

[taullynnecullen]

Two things is she a lesbian? And the other is my 6 month old cousin died 12 after my birthday. I know how ya feel. But when I first heard I didn't cry I just sat there thinking about it. Later I poured every tear out of me and cried and cried. I was devastated.

[PennyAnn25]

@taullynnecullen Is who a lesbian? Me? Yes, I am gay. I'm sorry to hear about your baby cousin. A lot of times grief doesn't hit us until a while after the event. That happens to me a lot.

[towatchutube123]

I just dont understand, I am 15 (Freshman in high school) and everyday I have thoughts of suicide. They come, and I think maybe I can end it all my a train, or a gun (older brother has one). I live a good community, but I lack friends. I dont know whether Ill make the choice, I watched your video and I thought how could I hurt my family like that, but I stop and say I cant go on like this, I just cant, im laughed at, Im ugly, and have no friends, maybe I can hold it, just maybe. 

[PennyAnn25]

I became a nurse. If I'd succeeded at 15 there would be people who wouldn't be alive because I wasn't there to save their life. When you feel horrible, daydream about your future, sometimes they come true...later.

[PennyAnn25]

@towatchutube123 I know now seems like all there is & all there will be-it's not true. There will be so much after & you have NO IDEA what you'd be missing. So many things that will happen after high school. People are so different once out of the microcosm of high school. They'll be much like you, just looking for happiness & judge less.

[masonrox2547]

@towatchutube123 Wow, I'm a 15 year old boy, almost 16, a sophomore in high school. know How you feel. I Only have one good friend, and almost everyone at my school thinks I'm a homosexual, and I'm not. There is a while plethora of girls that i find VERY atractive Any way, i have had thoughts of suicide, but in the end it is not worth it. Your 15, you have 70 years to live your life. Read my next comment too, I cant fit it all in.

[masonrox2547]

@towatchutube123 Part 2: Please don't take your own life. I'm getting chills just writing this, thinking I might be able to save another human being from death. And what you would put on your family, its unimaginable. They would feel like failers if they found out their own child took their own life. Please keep trying, please. (:

[towatchutube123]

@masonrox2547 I read your comment and I thank you for it. I feel the walls coming in on me, and its hard. I can see now that my life sucks, and it has since elementary school. I know I wont take my life this year, just because I am to scared. I dont want too, but everyday I feel pain, I feel the worst feeling in the world, and it wont go away. Nobody can ever feel the pain I do. The feeling you want you kill yourself is a feeling that I wish I never carried! I wish it would go away!!

[masonrox2547]

@towatchutube123 Are you close to your parents? Because if so you should tell them that your depressed, It would be alot eiser to just get some medication like xanax (its pronounce zan-x), it helps with stress. Or a different medicine like Zoloft, You should see a therapist, it could really help.

[towatchutube123]

@masonrox2547 I cant say that to my mom or dad, it would not go over well. I use to be close to my mom, but I usually just to avoid her, im a teenager, and Im not to big with my parents. My dad, well he lives in another state, my parents are divorced. So I dont get to see him that much, but I do, and I really like him, but dont get to see him a lot. I dont think I will ever take pills, and/or goto a therapist, I just hoping it will go away before I do anything. Just need to pull through it! :|

[masonrox2547]

@towatchutube123 It will, as a teenager right now i understand how you feel. It will pass soon. Just get as good of grades as possible then get a good job. (:

[towatchutube123]

@masonrox2547 I really want the thoughts out of my head. I feel like my life isnt worth anything, and just want to end it, I cant stop crying sometimes, I feel sad all the time. Please Please tell me, tell me how to feel better. I cant go on like this, I feel like I dont madder, to my school, to my country, to the human race. I know that sounds weird, but what I feel I just "end it now, you dont madder, no friends, so go kill yourself" Feel my life coming to an end, suicide hotlines???

[masonrox2547]

@masonrox2547 I hope your doing ok :)

[THLOVERish]

What should i do if i know that my friend are planning suicide, or she want to comit

suicide?

[PennyAnn25]

@THLOVERish You tell your parents or her parents or a teacher. No matter how uncomfortable or difficult it is or if you are sure your friend will hate you for it, you tell someone who is in a position to do something about it.

[PennyAnn25]

@krstcmjns They don't take you seriously because you attempted suicide or because your therapist brought it up? How old are you?

[PennyAnn25]

@krstcmjns What has happened to make them think you are an asshole?

[infrasomnia]

it's in my genes so I guess I am doomed :)

[PennyAnn25]

@infrasomnia I wouldn't say doomed, but it certainly should be incentive to go the extra mile to stay healthy.

[infrasomnia]

My grandmother (fathers mother) hanged herself when I was 13,and had previously one attempt of suicide when she was 30.My uncle (mothers brother) had about 10 attempts of suicide ever since the age of 20.He has spent almost all his time in the several past years in mental institutions for paranoia, alcoholism, hallucinations, depression, all generally defined as "severe psychosis of unknown physiological origin" for obviously psychiatrists don't understand his condition well enough.

[shavertz1]

very sad, sorry for your loss

[PennyAnn25]

Thank you.

[singleguy1946]

If you need a freind , ad me i will listen , and not judge.

Your very brave, and I truly admire you for sharing your story

[TheUndert0ker]

thanks for sharing, it takes a lot of courage. do you think that once you have suicidal thoughts in your head they can ever go away? or is there some change in your brain, like the neurons themselves kinda keep it there, always lurking in the background?

[sho0hio22]

god bless you are a very strong person

[Joebeeb]

Hello, thanks for sharing. I think of commiting suicide sometimes, i just feel worthless and that i'm never gonna get better. My depression has been really bad over the past week and i spent most of this weekend crying and feeling sorry for myself...

[PennyAnn25]

There have been times when suicide was my every waking thought. Felt worthless, hopeless. But that is all depression tricking you, trying to make you believe things that aren't true. I hope there is someone you can & are talking to about these feelings.

[Joebeeb]

No my family don't want to know and probably don't care. I have had social anxiety and depression for years. Its really tough, every damn day is such a struggle. I hate my life, i don't i have anything to live for.

[PennyAnn25]

What about therapist, dr, friends, friend's parents? Do you journal? Write poetry, play music, art, photography, go for long walks, anything to help you express your pain & help you let go of it? I go for long walks & sob, get it out of my system. I journal a lot, rarely ever reread, just so I can put what I'm feeling down & leave it there for awhile, be without the weight briefly. I try to find something to focus on other than how I'm feeling, projects- planting, sewing dog collar covers...

[zezzykiller]

I think you just detered me from commiting suicide, I was thinking about it but now im thinking about the affects it might have on my family.

Thank you

it is not worth it

[PennyAnn25]

Wow, I am glad to hear that. I hope you are talking to someone about these feelings and thoughts.

[hopkins4545]

You're a very courageous woman for posting this so that others who suffer can benefit. I'm sorry.

[MercinaryxiM]

on the 5 stars it says asome i gave it a 5 stare but it wusint asom :c

[Soxlotus]

o my i am really sorry : (

[MorrisseyLife]

I applaud your openess. I know those suicidal thoughts to well, the edge is always nearby. Austin will always be a beautiful person in your heart and many others too.

Luv

Cat x

[janinehelen68]

My mother has attempted suicide, my uncle, my other uncle killed himself while in state hospital. I'm sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine how painful that must have been.

[PennyAnn25]

Yes, it does run in families. Thanks. It was painful, but honestly, I am still in shock. I still automatically think, "No way."

[shoegalsho]

Thank you again for sharing. I know this must be very difficult for you and it's a good thing that you can share this. As always you are doing a great job. Over in the U.K teen suicided rate in young men the higher than any other group. Generally there are no signs at all. Young men need more support and care so they can feel strong enough to talk to someone. I just feel so sad that you are in a position to tell this story and it is such a shame Austin is not here. Hugs and kisses girl. xxx

[PennyAnn25]

Thank you. You're right. It is a shame. I really understand how it is more difficult for young men to express their feelings, they are pressed with the idea of being 'tough' and 'don't cry' and 'don't be a wuss' from infancy. I hope that changes.

[icegirl152]

This one made me cry. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have been struggling for weeks with suicidal thoughts. This video reminded me of the loved ones left behind---the pain they feel.

[PennyAnn25]

I am glad to hear this video might have helped you see a different side. In the upcoming videos I will be posting on the topic of suicide (I think 4 in total) I talk specifically about how Austin's suicide affected the lives of the people he left behind, how it changed people forever. I also talk about how his suicide affected my emotions now when I have suicidal ideation or thoughts. Hope you watch. Stay safe.

[chocara1]

Sorry for your loss.  You are so brave. Best Wishes.

[PennyAnn25]

Thank you.

[fever103]

I'm sorry to hear that your brother suffered so. I think your sharing his story is a wonderful thing. So many people have misconceptions either about suicidal people or suicide in general. The world needs more people like you - a corrective voice in the chaos. :)

[PennyAnn25]

When people ask me about my family & it comes out in conversation that Austin died, I don't shy away from saying he committed suicide because I never want him to become our family's dirty little secret, you know? He was too special.

Thanks for your comments. I do my best. ;-)

[saltyeggs71]

You are very brave to start sharing this. I really look forward to your upcoming video. You are brave. You are wise.

[PennyAnn25]

Thanks for your comments. Although, I never considered myself as brave or wise, but if you say so! ;-)

[Elistios]

That's really a nice video! Thanks for sharing. Peace, Ken ^-^ v