E-Z-Kleen

[lolwtfomfglol]

"not even fred savage is worth this." ouch.

[RawringBean]

is she even speaking a language at the end? it sounds like she's just sputtering gibberish

[NuDimon]

And what knowledge do you base that on?

[RawringBean]

It's my opinion.

[weepingprophet]

Oh, that's an opinion? An opinion that basically amounts to "She's speaking a language I don't know, and therefore sounds like gibberish"? Right. Anyway.

Yes, she's speaking Thai.

[RawringBean]

yes an opinion, now let's calm down I didn't mean it to be offensive and I think you're taking it that way.

Don't.

[weepingprophet]

Oh, I gave you the benefit of the doubt that you were TRYING to be offensive. It was still a stupid thing to say.

In my opinion.

[RawringBean]

Good job.

[weepingprophet]

That's more like it.

[Dfeneck]

Idiot.

In my opinion its people like you that should just say nothing at all.

Why not post something useful or nice instead of getting upset over someone who quite obviously knows little about Thai, or does, but just finds it funny.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, but why do you have to be a twat about it and bring others down when he was quite clearly *not* angry.

[weepingprophet]

"In my opinion its people like you that should just say nothing at all."

People like me? You mean the person that made the video? I disagree.

[Dfeneck]

I'll admit I didn't realize it was the author on another account.

I'm just a little startled that you would take an aggressive stance towards someone who wasn't clearly being aggressive.

You never know who you are talking to on YouTube, for all you knew you could have been talking to someone who was 12 and was inspired so much by your work that he wanted to be an actor too - and then you crushed him.

I hope you understand what I mean without disliking me, because I love your work.

[weepingprophet]

"I'm just a little startled that you would take an aggressive stance towards someone who wasn't clearly being aggressive."

I'm not bothered by the typical, over-the-top "hater" comments; those are so absurd they're easy to ignore. Hers was the right combination of rudeness and ignorance and it got under my skin. One tends to be protective of the actors who appear in their videos.

"You never know who you are talking to on YouTube..."

You do if you click their profile.

[Dfeneck]

"One tends to be protective of the actors who appear in their videos."

Fair enough, I understand.

"You do if you click their profile."

Not everyone tells the truth :)

[weepingprophet]

"Not everyone tells the truth"

She makes videos.

[Dfeneck]

Fair enough then. I apologize for calling you an idiot.

Actually, while you are replying there is a question I would like to ask you.

Being a doctor who fan myself, I was just interested if Mike (the wanker) did actually write an episode for season 4, and if so, what one (if it made it in)

You made it clear that he was lying, but you never actually know, I mean it is a pretty big claim, and easy to disprove. You would think you wouldn't lie about something this big.

[weepingprophet]

No, that was all a joke. The writer of ChurchOfBlow is British, yes, but he's not Mike any more than I'm Bernard. We were just having fun.

"I mean it is a pretty big claim, and easy to disprove."

Then again, Stephen Fry wrote an episode that was never produced. Who's to say Mike didn't? If he existed, I mean.

[Dfeneck]

haha, Oh my.

I feel like a right twat now.

I guess it was kind of foolish of me to believe that that kind of slander would be left on your account if it was for real.

I guess that just proves your extreme acting talent. It was very believable.

Well done.

[6cheesy6]

Dr who on 3:21

[moonsuga]

Portland? Maine? Say hello to Stephen King :P

[MadameDeces]

She's nice, but she's terrible.... =/

[LoreleiMission]

can't get over how cute she is

[Lascivious144]

1:34, there is less food on the plate.... 1:37, there is quite a bit more.

Tsk, tsk, Bernard. You can't fool me.

[goldmember0072001]

bernard YOU ARE NOW A YOUTUBE CELEBRIETY , i mean if i met you it would be for me as i met god or batman , or i dont know ... daffy duck , but it would be amazing !!!

[FineJustUnique]

Mr. Smith (with "i") + glasses = handsome!!

[iopih]

that girl is very pretty,but her acting sucks,bernard.and yes,I am an asshole.

[deldulin]

Mr. Smith certainly looks a bit like James Spader in "Stargate" here.

[Joshe918]

i loved it probably the best video iv seen this year.

[Joshe918]

also i nearly pissed myself laughing make more!!!!

[lonesomemajor]

lose the glasses

[Lowbudget2]

It's not the glasses, it's that he talked about himself too much. lol.

Funny.

[Rumbleman99]

Your a good actor, but work on your british accent man.

[mevexatpede]

I was actually thinking you could look like Johnny Depp or whatever his name is. I was thinking that, like, two vids ago...

YOU IDEA STEALER!

[demoltx]

it sucks

[cthour]

u look different

[misterchopsticks]

woah she's thai! hahah funny ending :)

[emreerokyar]

does anyone know the name of this girl?

[Shadgrimgrvy]

You'd make a great Doctor Who.

[mexicandude1500]

this video was alright. not very anything really. im glad u got someone else in your videos tho. thats a nice change up. im kinda liking your new stuff. keep that creative mind ticking

[leszek1000]

The girl is a fine actress.

[Moresville]

Doctor Who!

[z4xodnfngjurgnfp]

hello again fuckin shit

[MadM3rv]

she's definitely cute

[ccsrey14]

i fell bad for her

[CommentorX]

Ccsrey14, you fell bad for her? You mean you're hopelessly, madly in love with the woman in the video after watching her for only 4 minutes? Wow, that's either love at first sight, or very, very creepy.

Spelling counts. :)

[ccsrey14]

yes i did fall in love with her and i did miss type.

[IryokuNWA]

your gay

[CommentorX]

IryokuNWA, who is gay? Is ccsrey14 gay, am I gay, are we both gay, or what? Be more specific, boy, you're firin' birdshot at a barnside. Christ in Chris Crocker, people say these little spank sock haters come a dime a dozen. I'm lookin' for the guy supplyin' the dimes.

[IryokuNWA]

your now the leberachi of youtube

[econchino]

after watching 1335Date dot com and this video i am beginning to think that maybe Bernard has experienced a few setbacks in his romantic endeavors. bad for him, but good for his fans. five stars.

[sardynox]

she's adorable :)

[Woratinklis]

Hack hater! =D.

[msa1985]

I like her.

[hardztylar]

hahahahaha freddy freddy freddy freddy

[Penzacole]

You messed up with editing a little...

You know, you should watch the amount of stuffs in that plate better.

[Penzacole]

By the way, her last sentence translated as:

Why the fuck are you doing this!?

[weepingprophet]

I know. I was faced with the choice of either using the funnier takes or preserving continuity. I opted for funnier.

Probably the wrong decision.

[Penzacole]

Great job anyway, I was almost laughed to death in the end xD

[Uccellino7]

William Kempe, clown of the Chamberlain's Men!

[durge69]

it isn't "youtube is my life" that this is based on...this was released before "youtube is my life", so, if anything, "youtube is my life" is based off this

[thugzhill]

people post you suck on his videos and he is the one who sead it first!! hacks are the ones who stoled that line from "youtube is my life"!!!

[parodyangel]

Exuse me. You are cool... But dont dis Johnny.

[djxfime]

freddy sed...freddy...omg freddy...freddy...

[carbidegnasher24]

dumped!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!­!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[deldulin]

Remember the movie "Stargate" with Kurt Russell and James Spader? Yeah, you TOTALLY look like James Spader did in that movie... Maybe it's just the glasses and the hair... Anyway, you suck at making movies, you pathetic geek! Your premise is shaky, your outlook is bleak. There isn't a too painful way for your life to end... Oh, and: You really need a girlfriend.

[migueldsgn]

Dude, that was cruel

[Blaze6181]

miguel you should go check out Bernard's other video called "YouTube Is My Life" and you'll understand what deldulin meant when he posted that comment.

[migueldsgn]

hehe, I know, I mean telling someone "you look like James Spader in Stargate" is cruel. Thanks anyway, after all we're in the same church!

[migueldsgn]

hehe, I know. I mean telling someone "you look like James Spader in Stargate" is cruel.

Thanks anyway!

[Narutofan123320]

What did she say at the end?

[dnreynald22]

the girl is cute

[rtnjn]

four eyes, four eyes!jk, your videos are the shit.

[Nuker168]

huh...u look so different

[bigmacakassa]

yo the chick in this is mad cute....nice one...

[Vggamegod]

Haha that must be a video in disguise on how to ruin a date at will by the good reverend.

[migueldsgn]

yeah! sure it is!

[mmmPUNANI]

the chick cant act

[Blahcetera]

Loved this!

[GinKadia]

You know what's highly amusing? The music you used for the first part is what I used for a movie of mine. I know it doesn't really matter but I thought I'd mention it *thumbs up*

[1Jennabug]

Nah...it's not bad. His editing and timing = good.

Usually the girls in the shorts are lackluster.

[mabs321]

will you spell Smith for me one last time please?

[mabs321]

oh yeah? Well, I've lived in 4 cities called Toronto-one in Ontario and one outside Katmandu, one outside Timbuktu and one outside Kalamazoo.And I made 10 commercials in each city and I was married to Fred Savage by Elvis in Vegas but the marriage was annulled all cos he couldn't remember.

[Valashu5]

damn he is relly ruining it ..i wonder if this is acting or erm...a real date XD he screwed it up

but then again..

[terrysexytime]

YOU SUCK

[billy161264]

If this was related to "youtube is my life" then lol. If not, go die.

[mabs321]

oh yeah?Well, I lived in two cities named Toronto and I made triple the commercials you made and I slept with Fred Savage.

[lifeworthfightingfor]

I don't understand why she isn't haning on your every word.... I would be... I love you

[vans1134]

sorry I got on you about the video it was okay but my eyes are still red

[vans1134]

omg this sucked so hard it made my eyes bleed why why why whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[apruitt1067]

gay

[bsfproductions]

well i have to say this i love your other videos but this one was realy realy bad but everybody has bad days

[controlp41]

the girl was overdramatic which i feel my have effected your performance a little, which makes this your worest video, or should i say "YOU SUCK"/"gayness"

[animadevil]

eits satilites u have to wear tin foil hats for it not to happen ^^

[ViciousHeadbutt]

There is a satellite in orbit that uploads your ideas directly to the networks to steal and use or sell to be used by others.

The only way to defeat it is to wear a copper colander on your head.

[idlehands7]

haha i love how you keep talking about they keep ruining your ideas, and how they do it ... it must be some kind of mind ninjas ... think about it ...

[idlehands7]

see i forgot the how in that sentence cause i was so carried away with the video. it's all that mention of fred savage, dr who and johnny depp

[bryantaa]

You have the look of a killer on Law & Order: CI.

[tyrbolo]

She should have busted the chair over him

and then left...LOL

[CommentorX]

Uh, tyrbolo, you do know that Hollywood stunt chairs are made of balsa wood? And that the actor never really sits on them because they shatter at the slightest contact? Hitting someone with a real chair ... well, it hurts. As in, "Call an ambulance!" kind of hurt.

Now pushing her dessert into his face - man, the old pie in the face gag NEVER gets old.

[wigglepuppies]

You look like a cross between Johnny Depp and Charlie Sheen.

[blabadiblabla]

omg, is that the thai place near my house? Sure look like it, wow! :D Hey and what's up with that Becket guy, watched one of his plays in pbs once when I was like 11 yrs old...the one where the people are like trash? I like weird stuff but that play took the cake. Oh, one last thing: I love Dr. Who too but I digress... nice work.

[sodapogurl]

no offense 2 the grl but a little over dramatic with the acting i mean really ok she waz good u know if that waz her first time

[misterstogy]

Actually, I thought she was great. She did exactly what I would have done (except for the fact that I am a man).

[organicprankster]

And you, sir, get a cookie! The girl is good. If she'd played it "small", the scene wouldn't work - we need to see what Bernard evidently can't... and she gets it across beautifully.

[sodapogurl]

haha ok..sry like ik anything about actin so..ur prob right..

[ydirani29]

i was wondering, what movie did you make with fred savage?

-yd29

[hexachordal]

your british accent is... well, I... hate to break it to you, but... Remeber Dick Van Dyke in Mary Poppins? Worse than that. I'm sorry :(

[gogoyojimbo]

You're dumb.

[hexachordal]

No, I'm British. YOU'RE dumb :)

[ChurchOfBlow]

Let's not argue about who's dumb and who isn't. It's nearly Christmas for crying out loud. Let's just say we're all a bit dumb and be done with it.

- B.S.

[hexachordal]

sorry Bernard, Sorry gogoyojimbo :\

[wigfactory]

she over-acted. badly.

[FEGlobin]

Have you looked in the mirror lately? This is a comedy show on You Tube; lighten up before someone has the balls to tell you what's wrong with you. Signed: Eat a little much do we.

[wigfactory]

take it easy. I love the church of blow. and I love bernard/cornelius. but I think he could have found someone better. ...its not exactly something to shit your pants over. ...plus, Im not the first person who has expressed that opinion.

[FEGlobin]

I posted mine because it's all in jest, just like the show. That opinion you are referring to was left open for a good comeback "joke" from Bernard. Your comment was just mean. From your page. "We're all unplugged, in our bubbles with our cell phones, our ipods, our computers etc. I think YouTube is allowing people to relate to one another again." R U trying to be compassionate? It's been nice "Relating" to you. Keep spreading the Love baby, it's working.

[Panpiper]

I like you Brett, so I hate to tell you this, but you were a tad upstaged by that gorgeous lady you were with. She's great!

[ChurchOfBlow]

My name's Bernard. Bernard Smith. That's Smith with an "i."

- B.S.

[Electrophill]

Did Spiro screw up when he hitched his wagon to the Nixon pony?

Did Powell screw up when he hitched his wagon to the Bush pony?

Did Bernard screw up when he hitched his wagon to the Keane pony?

Only some of this is concreted in history.

[organicprankster]

Electrophill, Brett Keane promoted the hell out of the Church of Blow. Around 300 of this channel's subscribers are here due to Brett's many shout-outs. You yourself came back after the Viacom Purge because Brett uploaded a CoB video and reminded you the channel existed. Whatever your feelings about Keane, it seems reasonable to me to for the Church of Blow to return a favour.

[Electrophill]

Whoa... I'm just cutting up over some of the comments that were already left, like it was some big deal. I took it on up to a presidential level. Just a "ha ha" here.

Granted I never subscribed to Brett, but that was because he would put out 20 videos a day. It clogged my subscription video page up. Other than that, I've got nothing against the guy.

[eire138]

can't wait to see where you go from here, really enjoyed the church of blow, and I'm sure you will continue to entertain..

[AndreLeCoz]

that was alsome....lol

[rd1999]

Dude if you edited this you are having some real continuity problems with the food on the plate

[ChurchOfBlow]

There's no editing. I just leap backwards and forwards in time. I guess the answer to my question is definitely Dr Who.

- B.S.

[tingtangs]

Why the fuck are you promoting the lying asshole Brett Keane?

[gorikuri]

If I was on a date with you I would have enjoyed listening. LOL but at this point I'm married, and I don't think my hubby would like it. ;-) I have no idea what you have become...but I look forward to your vids.

[VivaToddVegas]

Not bad! If you're going to keep including beautiful Asian women in your videos, I'll keep watching! ;^) I think the "Bernard Smith" character needs some kind of direction... like a goal or mission.

[3101010]

As a member of the ChurchofBlow I dont really care to hear from Brett Keane, But if that is what you want I will go there now.

[efchellion69]

Ahh man! It was so good. & I was with ya. Right Up until you said, "Brett Keane". Fuck that shit!

[HC4D]

I guess you'll be making a bunch of sock accounts so you can attack Bernard now, right? :-D

[efchellion69]

Actually. As I've said many times. I have no sock accounts. They are pointless. I do all my work from this account and this account only. Get your facts straight. Bernard is a kewl cat.

[LotSix66]

Doctor Who.  Definitely Doctor Who.

[greatestadventure]

Glad to see a new video! You should have talked more about your mother, and brought up the possibility of a venerial disease.

[ChurchOfBlow]

I'll take some notes for next time. Thanks for the advice.

- B.S.

[NaomiAliza]

Yayyyyy!!! FINALLYYYYYY

p.s. what HAVE you become?

[SunHydroRevolution]

Funny vid.

Welcome back.

[Blinkazoid]

So nice to see you back Bernard!!! Well, we were interested in you whether she was or not.

[numbdoll]

:D:D:D:D:D

[organicprankster]

Was that idea LisaNova stole anything to do with spamming people's channels?

[1938superman]

HAHAHA! Well you ARE pretty interesting. Doesn't she understand that? What's her problem? lol :-)

[geekyvince]

I think the girl you chose did a very good I loved that after every little cut she became more and more annoyed.

[MediaGold]

Ha ha ha! Mentioning "Doctor Who" is a sure fire date killer.

I know this to be true.

[ChurchOfBlow]

Date killer? What do you mean? I thought that went pretty well. It certainly lasted longer than most dates I've been on.

- B.S.

[1ukia]

Wait.. I thought Brett died o_O Yep.. I'm pretty sure of it.

..What have you become?

[1ukia]

Where you been, dude? I have been waiting soo long! I was going to mail you..

[J6a6so6n]

ROFLMFAO... poor girl.

[SlowStrider]

Haha funny. You look so different than Rev. Blow here!

[RonnieOfTheEarth]

is that thai or what? Love thai!

Great vid.

[poxart]

lol nice

[agltbialik]

Awesome! It seems like forever since you had anything new!

[1DRock37167]

Bernard! Its about time you came back with something. Loved it!

[Vaatrad]

Could do better.

[ChurchOfBlow]

Thanks. I think you're right. But she <i>is</i> a nice girl.

- B.S.

[Jahjarbinks]

wow ive missed yah lol keep it up dude