How to Use Scene Breaks to Cut the Fat - Lessons From Elantris by Brandon Sanderson

[Iskander0027]

"The breeze was gusty and strong atop the wall of Elantris, and it whipped Hrathen's cape with glee."

That is not good writing. I mean, come on...

The strong wind atop the wall of Elantris whipped Hrahten's cape around his calves and knees.

That's better.

[KMWeiland]

@Iskander0027 I agree. That sentence borders on purple prose. But the point was to show the benefits of a well-placed scene break.

[KMWeiland]

I'll type out the scene break, as it appears in the book, below. The character (Hrathen) stops at the bottom of the stairs to bribe an old man into letting him climb up the wall to the parapet. The scene ends with a few lines of dialogue:

"Who is Jaddeth, good sir?"

Hrathen bowed his head. "You'll know soon enough, old man. One way or another you'll know."

***

The breeze was gusty and strong atop the wall of Elantris, and it whipped Hrathen's cape with glee.

[t260y]

I wish you could have shown how he did it, like read a passage from it, then explained it to us...