Clive Wearing, Part 2a: Living Without Memory

[RoathRipper]

christ, when they showed his diary, that really drove home what its like to 'be Clive'.

[Newbpwng]

damn that in fact is a hell on earth

[mjknlr]

@Newbpwng Is it really? By the time he dies, he will have only lived thirty seconds.

[derekxnl]

I remember watching this in a Psychology class I took. At first I thought it must be torture to live an existence like that. But then I thought about what it must be like from his perspective. He spends every waking moment of his life believing he has just "woken up" from unconsciousness. I know that if I had (or believed I had) awoken from a coma I would be euphoric. Clive isn't aware that the moment won't last though so he gets to experience that euphoria every time he "wakes up".

[livinglegend01]

@derekxnl The feeling of Euphoria comes in correlation with past experiences of well/ill being. For anyone that can recall their previous feeling when waking up it could be a very enjoyable or not so enjoyable experience. And although Clive is capable of retaining emotions he gets continuously frustrated (as i recall from the discussion in my psyc class) everday. Having said that i really feel sad for the man, he can never have unique encounters because every encounter is carefully constructed.

[rizz0rs666]

Deborah wrote an amazing book about Clive's story. If you like this you should totally read it. It's called 'Forever Today.'

[JayBird4theW1N]

I have SO much respect for that guy's wife. She takes all this SO well. She's quite a trooper.

[antiHUMANDesigns]

During this video, Clive's memory got wiped 20 times.

[MrLinkedUp]

what is the name of this condition?

[pvtv3ga]

@MrLinkedUp amnesia 

[pvtv3ga]

@MrLinkedUp its in the first sentence of the video

[2wingo]

@MrLinkedUp He has two different types of amnesia: Retrograde, where he can't remember things from before he got it, and Anterograde, where he can't form new memories.

[MrLinkedUp]

@2wingo: Thanks so much for the reply. =)

[SpeedyXtreme1]

from 1.40 it doesnt seem as if he believes he hasnt seen her for 13 years :/

[CarlosHigg]

is his wife a psychologist?

[sisulienQa]

this video has such a big impact on me.... i cant even describe it... i feel so sorry for him but on the other hand i love him.... in the way he behaves, that his relationship to his wife was so strong that she is the only person he remembers... his love and its so strong.... It just makes me want to cry...

[liquorstore888888888]

I really wish there was some way to reverse the damage to his brain. It's such a horrifying existence...wouldn't wish that on anyone.

[neonaction]

but he still remembers his love for her!

[kaykentucky]

he must be the most amazed man in the world. lol

[emagotis]

the explanation of his wife about his diary sounds in a way like poetic fiction and simultaneously makes me feel really bad about how his state of mind, waking up and nobody noticing it, has to be...

[maulcs]

"strange places"? How? How would he know what was normal and what wasn't?

[berrylover]

:( he is in a living purgatory

[TheChrisSoria]

i wonder if there is anyway to repair this man.

I also think it's a bit ironic that this man was so good at an art form that plays out over time, then he loses his whole perception on time. Amazing. Really makes you appreciate many things we take for granted.

[lacqueredhearts]

He has anterograde and retrograde amnesia, due to herpes encephalitic.

Kudos to his wife for being so outspoken and helpful instead of shying away.

[AllAboutUs6]

@lacqueredhearts having one is bad enough, and hes has both... poor man

[notthatoneguy85]

I wonder if he takes note of the aging of his wife. If maybe her current age compared to his expectation is some indication to him of how long it has been since he has seen her, but on the other hand, he seems to know he has never seen her. I wonder then how it is that he justifies knowing her and loving her... I can't even imagine, but I want to know his thoughts on why, having never been conscious before, he knows her.

[afcnlovesu]

I really don't think he has time on his head for anything else than figuring out his own issues at every precise instant...but your point is really interesting, I mean it's like he has implicit thoughts such as knowing her...

[Landersson1]

clive suffers from amnesia, he can't rember things like being married to deborah, he doesn't rember being a musician, but when he sits down at a piano he plays with out any musicnotes. So there is a memorypart in his brain that still functions, but researches doesn't know where in the brain it's located or how it functions.

[Iwearthecheese]

That's not true. He always remembers his wife. He just can't remember anything new.

[AmyK007]

God, what torture and hell he must be going through.

[tejaswy123]

I disagree. Although we might pity his condition, in a way he is living his life to the fullest. Enjoying the NOW of every moment. Its beautiful to see the strength of this love and disability or rather ability.

[thejugglenaut91]

are you joking? Enjoying the now? Are you fucking joking. It would be hell to live in that state

[harryh111111]

Yeah but he could just sit with a book of jokes and laugh forever, same jokes over and over.

Unless he can't remember what humour is.

[echalvorson]

@thejugglenaut91 yeah hell from an outside perspective. from our perspective. but not his.

[thejugglenaut91]

what are you talking about... what does he say when he "wakes up"? it's not talk of being enlightened or feeling free. It's about death and nightmare. How do you write a notebook filled like his and have a happy time? God you're a douche.

[Neanderthalcouzin]

@echalvorson That's an interesting point actually. That's why I don't think Hell exists, because it's subjective experience is rendered meaningless since it is eternal. An infinity of 'bad' days would just be a normal day surely.

[TempestDacine]

@thejugglenaut91

Indeed, it's easy to find some farfetched beauty in his condition from the outside, but the reality of the situation is probably not so poetic.

[AllAboutUs6]

@tejaswy123 he realizes something is wrong with him.... he lives every second confused. He described it in another video as if he was dead because he has no thoughts dreams and has never met a single human in his life. He is not living in what you call the "Now", he's living in confusion

[jochenislief]

the book she wrote is amazing....I have a deep respect for this woman......

eva

[cocker505]

he looks like ken barlow

[DutchCourageWhoohoo]

what a hellish state of being......

must be so confusing

poor guy

[GreenJanuary]

@DutchCourageWhoohoo hellish ineed

[Soothfish]

@DutchCourageWhoohoo Depends on the person.

Some people have a horrible past and an even worse future. His 'affliction' would be a paradise to them.

[mrliampep5i]

@DutchCourageWhoohoo atleast the fact that he doesnt know whats happening doesnt make him misrable about his conditions

[mrliampep5i]

@DutchCourageWhoohoo atleast the fact that he doesnt know whats happening doesnt make him misrable about his condition

[AllAboutUs6]

@mrliampep5i but he does somewhat know i think. He knows something is wrong with his brain. I watched another video of this and he compares everything to death. He says "I have no thoughts, memories or dreams, i have never met a person in my life, its like im dead my brain is inactive". Its so sad

[CWY103]

@DutchCourageWhoohoo I dont think so he will be confused, people only get confused if they have too much thing stuck in their head, everything for him is new, so =/

[Gumms97]

@DutchCourageWhoohoo but his confusion doesn't last even thirty seconds...poor guy.

[mandylovesu7]

Haha people are so funny. Deborah has divorced clive she has been divorced from him even in this clip

" In 1994 she filed for divorce (while still remaining joint next-of-kin with Clive's son, Anthony). Was your marriage over? 'Well, no. I got divorced for technical reasons. I didn't intend to live in England again."

[ShakeStephen]

it's interesting how persevering this man's wife is. I admire how she's stayed with him, even though it must be really frustrating.

[verenagirl79]

It's kind of nice to know that loving someone can be so deeply ingrained in a person...

[paulrozy]

@verenagirl79 yea but it fucking sucks when they become schizophrenic

[chiccosanchez]

is that snidey cow his misses. she seems to be laughin while shes describin his condition. wtf. she thinks its funny or sumthing??

[Whatsifsowhatsit]

Come on, you can't really believe that. I think she's great!

[abernat2928]

Does anyone else find it ironic how many times his wife explains and re-explains his diary entries?

[doohgk]

That kinda happens to me when I smoke too much weed.

[emptyzzzzzz]

i am kind of dealing something similar, but with me, i know what i *must* have done, but i dont remember doing it, i used to say it was like waking up in someone's body and into their life and have no idea what is going on, i know certain things by what is around me. its awful. and i cant explain it. :-(

[iluvnapoleon2]

Why wouldn't his memory reset itself when he was eating the danish? I mean, I expected him to like 'wake up' and say, "Bloody 'ell, why've I got this pastry in my hand? And when did you get here?"

I'm a little confused...

[Gianthogweed]

He remembers things for 7-30 seconds, so it's not as if he suddenly forgets everything. As he's eating the Danish, talking to his wife, he still remembers the stuff that happened immediately before it. It's not like in Memento, where his life is broken up into 5 minute fragments. It's like a continuous moment in which his memories fade over the course of a few seconds.

[midorimonster]

He quit literally lives in the present. So an action that may take more than 30 seconds or so can be prolonged as his participation strings together each smaller action. So stimulation is key. Interaction is not as easily. He can functionally have breakfast with someone. However, being in the same room but not interacting with someone across the way would definitely be an instance where he would see the individual for " the first time." The point being he cannot recall memories.

[tamlac00]

Also he has over time habituated to many things. He doesn't get surprised that he is living in a new house or that he is talking to someone. I think he plays along with what he find himself in.

[MegaGate]

What is memory? If have memory then where to be found into brain? Memory isn't object!

Memory is complex of virtual algoritma!

All what we see in our life isn't stored like video film. If you change one number of algoritma then your memory to be change.

Then who is change algoritma? Answer:Conection!

[micamaca1979]

What is wrong with everyone here? How does a video that's supposed to merely teach you about amnesia become the impetus for all that swearing? Some of you should really grow up. P.S. I'm actually a Dr who works with patients such as Clive, so if you have any sensible questions, please feel free to ask me.

[Terrakinetic]

Clive wasn't left a negative memory just before he lost his cognitive ability. Have you ever worked with anyone who kept on reliving a nightmare?

[InspectorRemorse]

Does Clive have sex?

[85226]

When he just "wakes up", how does he "remember" where he last put his diary?. How does he remember if he likes danish pastries? How did he remember the phrase: "Ladies First" when offered a danish? How does he know what his hand writing looks like? Why doesn't he question who the other people are, like the video crew in the room? How does he have a recollection of his wife? How does he remember how to speak? How does he remember how to spell? Too many things simply don't add up.

[lljames2]

He has, etched in his brain all long term memory of what occurred 20 years ago. Why is that so hard to understand? Since his brain injury 20 years ago, he lives in 20 to 30 second intervals of responding with no short term memories. So, knowing what a danish is, is something that has been around in his previous 40 years of life experience before his brain injury. Get it?

[bl4h1]

memories are saved. kind of like something you would save to your hardrive. They are fixed in your brain. The problem now with this guy, is he can no longer store memories. So they are lost after a few seconds rather than being stored. He can recall things that were stored before his accident. not that complicated to grasp

[kettlebugs]

Actually, he CAN'T remember things before the accident. The hippocampus is a part of the brain that deals in long-term memory, which was damaged; however, other parts of the brain store other kinds of memory. The amygdala stores emotional memories; he still remembers his wife because the amygdala was only partially damaged. He remembers very little of his past but remembers how to do things like ride a bike because that is called procedural memory, which is stored in the cerebellum.

[alexmagnus1]

he remembers soe facts from his past. He remembers he has two children, though not their names. He remembers he has been to germany though not when and in which cities. Et cetera.

[alexmagnus1]

He remembers some things from before 1985.

[MrsKewlkruse]

Can you imagine looking in the mirror? How startled you would be to see yourself drastically older than you think you are?

[papatoony]

This is so crazy. Basically we have a sixth sense that we take for granted--the ability to perceive the passage of time. Without it we'd be screwed.

[HotSIzZle12]

great respect for his wife staying with him through the years.

[BloatedSensations]

Ummm... I can think of a few reasons, right off the top of my head. Possibly the least of which being that murder is illegal.

[seiferalmasy2]

How can you murder someone who barely exists. Do you think he wants to live liek that you moron? Oh and by the way, it is called euthanasia. It is a mercy killing. Let leave him in that torment for 90 years! I be glad when people like you, a leftist bastard are sent packing. And , let me also add, his wife must be completely goo goo to stay there and not see the humanity in euthaniasia. What is wrong with her? Perhaps she is getting money for his sad existance? hmmm?

[InaudibleWhisper]

He isn't in torment for years. He's confused for minutes, then it's all forgotten. As well as this confusion, he still thoroughly loves his wife and playing the music he loves. Of course it's a sad existence, but you can't make the decision to end his life for him.

[BloatedSensations]

So... you want the power to decide, based on your own, personal, moral compass who gets to live, and who gets to die? You get to decide that for them? You're sick. There's something wrong with you. Please seek help. You're sad, pathetic, and wholly dangerous. Perhaps YOU should be "put down"? Perhaps I should have the right to decide that it's in your best interest to be killed?

[BloatedSensations]

Did you ever stop to consider that perhaps he doesn't want to die? You self-righteous piece of vermin! If you lose your ability to create memories tomorrow, can I decide for you whether or not you live or die? And, P.S. the "right to die" movement is a leftist movement, the "right to life" movement is a right-wing movement, you fucking moron.

[seiferalmasy2]

lets ask him shall we? I think you are evil for wanting him to live liek that indefinately. arsehole!

[seiferalmasy2]

Only a fool could leave that guy having spasms ina completely freaked out state and not see how evil it is. What is more disturbing is how his wife sits theer asking him 100000X a day if he can remember things. NO HE CAN'T. STOP ASKING HIM! something bloody wrong theer, that is for sure!

[seiferalmasy2]

Ever heard the term "we never treat dogs as bad"

[BloatedSensations]

And, I think you're a low-life, self-righteous, dangerous, piece of trash eugenicist that lacks the moral wherewithal to make a distinction between a human-being and a rat caught in a snare. IT'S NOT FUCKING UP TO ME OR YOU whether or not he should "live like that." I do not, and should not, nor should anyone else, have the authority to make such a decision regarding the taking of a human life.

[BloatedSensations]

Can I decide for you when it would be in your own best interest to have your life ended? Would you be comfortable with that? YOU WANT TO FUCKING MURDER PEOPLE that you feel are deserving of death, you dumb piece of shit! And, that makes you evil, demented and dangerous. You are sick. Seek help.

[BloatedSensations]

You can call me evil all you want, but I'm not the one who thinks that human-beings should be killed when I decide for them that they'd be better off dead. You backwards, pin-headed psychopath!

[seiferalmasy2]

i have debated this dude, and what i realised was that nearly 100% of people DO NOT WANT to be left like that. OF the 10 people i have so far asked, only 1 said they were not sure. So i put it to you: Would you want leaving like that? Let me guess; you are incapable of answering this truthfully.

[seiferalmasy2]

also your continued attacks of verbal abuse and swearing only paint you as the mindless bigot you are.

[seiferalmasy2]

all you need to know is: he is living a loop of confusion and spasms day in day out. YOUR IDEOLOGY IS EVIL

[seiferalmasy2]

we aren't going to agree on this: so let us just leave it. You just live safe in the knoeledge that Clive Wearing at this very moment is still looping round and round in a confused state. I hope you can sleep at night.

[BloatedSensations]

You want to decide for people who gets to live and who would be better off dead. You want to kill people for Pete's sake! 'nuff said. And, YOU started the ad hominem attacks, idiot! So, if you can't take it, don't dish it out! Also, If you're so sure that this man so wants death, why do you think he has no history of attempted suicide in the last 22 years that he's lived with this ailment?

[seiferalmasy2]

You honestly don't know why he has had no suicide? my god you must be more daft than I thought. He is ON A LOOP. Every 1-2 minutes he is right back to the beginning. I cannot believe you just asked that question. Debate closed.  Your daft response speaks for itself.

[BloatedSensations]

You obviously don't understand his condition. At any given moment, he feels perfectly normal - just like you feel right now. Except that to him, he always thinks that he has been unconscious for decades. That's why he constantly feels as though he's "truly awake for the first time" - because he feels ok now, but he can't remember anything from the past.

[BloatedSensations]

He hasn't committed suicide, because he doesn't realize that anything is still wrong with him. To him it feels as though his ordeal, whatever it was, has finally come to an end. He doesn't know that he's "stuck in a loop" - he can't grasp that. Because, as soon as his condition is explained to him, he forgets the explanation.

[BloatedSensations]

He thinks he's pretty much fine now and at least has the rest of his life ahead of him. He doesn't know that he's just going to forget everything all over again. So, you want to kill him for that... nice. You've decided for another human being that he'd be better off dead, and so it should be. That's just sick.

[kettlebugs]

Hey, Seiferalmasy2! I guess no one ever told you this, but sometimes people disagree on moral issues, particularly on subjects like life & death & euthanasia. But that's because everyone is different and everyone has differing, yet equally valid opinions! I know it must be a shock for you to hear that for the first time, but try and think about it.

[kettlebugs]

Hey, BloatedSensations, GUESS WHAT! People have different moral values and opinions, especially on things like life, death, and mental illness! Gee, who knew?

[BloatedSensations]

Hey, kettlebugs, GUESS WHAT! Some people's moral values allow for things like theft, rape, murder, pedophilia, etc.. I guess they just have "different moral values and opinions", huh? I guess those things are perfectly all right for them, because, after all, morality is completely relative, isn't it? Gee, who knew? Wrong! Some things are inherently immoral - humans deciding for other humans, no matter their state of mind, whether or not they should live or die is one of them - end of story.

[kettlebugs]

Sorry, but I don't think murder is INHERENTLY wrong. But that doesn't mean I'm going to shove it down your throat, and you shouldn't shove your opinions down anyone else's, either. I think what the person you were arguing with was saying was that if they were in that situation, they'd rather be dead. They do not have the authority to have Clive Wearing killed; they were just expressing their opinion, not "deciding whether he should live or die", but just saying his life seems worse than death.

[BloatedSensations]

The person who I was responding to said "why won't they put him down? to keep him alive like that is evil. completely inhumane. His wife obviously doesn't seem to grasp that." He was expressing disappointment toward the fact that nobody seemed to feel comfortable enough to make the decision that this man should not be allowed to live, and then follow through with the action of murdering him.That is nothing short of the ravings of a sick, disturbed, twisted mind.

[BloatedSensations]

And when, exactly, did I ever try to shove my opinions down anyone's throat"? Anyone can hold to any opinions they wish... but, if they're stupid opinions that only a moron would hold to, I'm going to let them know about it. I have as much right to express that as anyone else does to hold to, or express, any ridiculous, nonsensical opinions they might.

[kettlebugs]

Considering you are acting as if what you think is right and your opinions are the only answers, as well as calling those who disagree with you morons, that would qualify as shoving your opinions down other people's throats. Anyway, you certainly have the right to express yourself, but there's no sense in making personal attacks over it. Rather than calling other people stupid, evil, etc, you could have just said "I disagree because..."

[DLPBurke]

It seems to me much crueller to keep this man alive, after all in evolutionary terms he would have died long ago. People are making a decision to keep him fed every single day, thus choosing that he lives a life of misery

[kettlebugs]

Anyway, the person you argued with simply has a different point of view than you do. Maybe you think it is cruel to take someone's life, but they were viewing it as a mercy killing, which means it's what they think is good. You don't have to agree, but try and recognize that they aren't an evil person, they just simply feel differently than you do.

[BloatedSensations]

If you believe the sun orbits around the earth, then you don't simply hold a differing opinion to mine - you hold an idiotic opinion, and you're a moron. If you believe that pedophilia makes children feel loved and wanted, you don't just simply hold a different opinion than I do - you hold an idiotic opinion, and you're sick and disturbed.

[BloatedSensations]

If you believe that one human being should have the ability to decide for another that they'd be better off dead, and then carry out their killing, you don't simply hold a differing opinion to mine - you hold an idiotic opinion and you're sick and evil. No good can come of viewing such opinions with tolerance, nor with handling people holding such opinions with kid gloves.

[BloatedSensations]

And, of course, calling someone a moron because they hold moronic opinions does not qualify, by any stretch of logic, as "shoving my opinions down someone's throat." It qualifies as expressing my opinion regarding their opinion. I took no action to force them into unwillingly abandoning their opinions for mine. I am allowed to express and hold the opinion that someone is a moron for holding to moronic opinions, am I not? Whether or not you agree with it?

[kettlebugs]

They were focusing on the fact that killing Clive Wearing would end his suffering. There is nothing evil about that. There are plenty of good reasons to think that you shouldn't do that, but neither side is any more evil than the other. They could have argued that you are sick and evil for fighting to allow them to prolong his pain and confusion, and they'd be no more wrong than you are.

[bl4h1]

bad analogy

[kettlebugs]

Um, those are FACTS and scientifically proven things. Moral values are not.

[BloatedSensations]

Killing Clive would end his suffering in THEIR view. What if I took an audit of the life you're living right now and decided, using my own set of moral values, that for whatever reason, your life wasn't worth living? What if I then came to where you live and shot you dead? Or, publicly called for your killing and berated those close to you who failed to carry it out? I wouldn't then be an evil nut-case? I suppose that would just be a harmless expression of my own differing moral values?

[BloatedSensations]

I suppose Pol-Pot, Stalin, Hitler, Mao etc. weren't evil people at all? They just held to different moral values? I suppose we should inform the surviving family members of all of the people killed in the atrocities created by such men that they shouldn't harbor any ill-will toward those people, because, after-all, they weren't bad people... they just had different moral values.

[kettlebugs]

Hitler & Stalin and others like them killing innocent, healthy people because of prejudice. It's not really applicable to someone who thinks that an ill man would be better dead than living a ghost of a life. Hitler did not commit mercy killings, did not think he was helping people. Maybe you think it is unfair to kill Clive Wearing, but they simply think it would be a blessing to him. I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm not saying they are right, but you both want what's best for him.

[kettlebugs]

I don't think they were public calling for his death. They were simply trying to express how, if they had been someone close to him, or in his situation, they'd find death more merciful. "Killing Clive would end his suffering in THEIR view." Yes, you're right, and that's exactly what I'm trying to say.

[BloatedSensations]

Uh wrong, Hitler thought that what he was doing was right and just. He thought he was protecting innocent citizens from the threat of an evil scourge of a sub-human race. Hitler's own set of morals allowed for this mindset. To him, it was not immoral to kill a Jew, because, to him, Jews were a serious, sub-human threat to the well-being of innocents - the extermination of Jews, in his mind, and according to his own set of morals, was a noble act.

[BloatedSensations]

So, if you think morality is purely subjective, then you must agree that there isn't anything wrong with someone being sympathetic to Hitler's wish for genocide - if not, then your argument is illogical.

[BloatedSensations]

And, please, re: the "publicly calling for his death" part. That person made the claim that Clive's family was "evil" because they have as of yet neglected to decide for Clive that he'd be better off dead and then murder him. He made it all too clear that he felt his own, personal set of morals should be the sole authority over who should live and who should die. That, in itself, pretty much encapsulates the very definition of "evil."

[DLPBurke]

thankyou kettlebugs, that is precisely what I was saying:) That he is now a guinea pig for research, has no life at all, no hope of getting better,

Why the hell would someone want this guy to live and moreover, would the man himself want to? I think not and if you ask yourself truthfully nor would you yourself.

[RoboCowDung]

Because you know, he doesn't seem happy at all in these videos and his visitors wouldn't at all be sad if he died...

[gredangeo]

stfu prick, better to be this guy than a Quad any day in my opinion.

[DLPBurke]

When I ask people like you what they would want if they were in the same position they never answer, because they know they would want to be humanely put down. and so would any sane person.

Clive isn't getting a choice whether he dies. he is being forced to live, So kiss my arse.

[seiferalmasy2]

why won't they put him down? to keep him alive like that is evil. completely inhumane. His wife obviously doesn't seem to grasp that.

[krunchmot]

I found the love that Deborah and Clive ave for eachother really really inspiring!

[GotCrazyPills]

This is really amazing and interesting. Thanks so much for posting.

[InSaneTK]

Atleast his love for his wife remains, very touching. :P

[ferretsrcrunchy]

Thank god he wouldn't be able to contemplate suicide and be able to follow through with it... as he doesn't have enough time to do so without forgetting to do it in the first place.

[Abstractly]

Which is sad in itself, really.