How To Get A Guy To Notice You While You're Having Sex With Him

[CPLittma]

LMFAO.

[flamedude220]

What the fuck did I just watch? I did not know this was a sketch XD

[jqsmith1452]

The text on the tutorial screens is the same as a Dr. Seuss book cover.

[blarpings]

i am eating celery

[drunkmaniac1]

what.....? none of that made sense to me at all. how did i get here?

[kimbaundead]

LMFAO!!!!!

[SreyMusic]

"who's this new girl sitting on my dick" LOOOOL

[gredangeo]

@SreyMusic I imagine her wearing a strap on while she's saying that sentence. :)

[ActaNonVerba71]

The Onion has absolutely some of the best videos on the tubes of internets.

[itze25]

This must be a joke.. hahah

[plastique45]

@itze25 of course not.

[LucaviAD]

At around 2 minutes, this guru advises women to remember their place & duties whether or not they're in the kitchen.

[GamingSho]

0:08 she had a typo

[wtfisthis47]

huh? your not a real women if a man ignores you when his dicks in you.

[doctorwhoaddiction]

how to get a guy to notice you while sex

try slapping him!

or push away from him and make him lie on the bed. then JUMP ON HIM NAKED IN A SEX FRENZY!

[phlogios]

I lol'd at "ooh sassy"

[AHeitzmann1995]

@MaikoMaikoMaki

Lol, you must be new here

[chrislago]

You can see more of Rebecca's tits... :)

[mustangman6879]

Halarious and totally insane, keep the vids coming pls LMAO

[CelloBoy13913]

I thought this was fake until....oh wait its not.

[MaikoMaikoMaki]

Is this a joke omg she talks so disgusting. Yeah ok good video but gosh politeness.

[cbeppe1]

Cookies after sex would go down well with me... Just sayin' ;)

[MegaWinnieGirl]

I don't pay attention to the guy during sex.

[ahyhijooooo]

@MegaWinnieGirl whore

[MegaWinnieGirl]

@ahyhijooooo Why am I a whore?

[ahyhijooooo]

@MegaWinnieGirl i don't know are you?

[MegaWinnieGirl]

@ahyhijooooo A whore is somebody who sells sex; so no.

[Monkeyzz101]

that's not a horrible book title at all

here is a little banter for you between a couple...

Guy: what you reading?

Girl: oh nothing

Guy: let me see *looks at cover* OH MY GOD WHAT THE H*** IS WRONG WITH THE LADY THAT WROTE THIS

Girl: *flips through pages really fast* uhhh... want a cookie?

[Monkeyzz101]

THEY ARE WAY TOO HAPPY WHILE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING THIS AWKWARD!!!

[ProjectEndgame]

So THIS is where my girlfriend got the cookie idea. It was great until I got some of my cum in the cookies. I had to dump her after that.

[9Godslayer]

@ProjectEndgame How the hell was she even able to make those cookies?

[Nemesis0fTheGods]

"Sassy!" XD

[proiciu]

this is one of their best eps

[sudchn]

They need an Oscar for keeping a straight face.

[guitarmatt94]

I cant stop laughing: Expert:"When he cums, you can have a fresh cookie for him!" News guy "Ohhh, haha the would win me over."'

[fermerwuvu]

Oh..ofcourse I'd love a fresh cookie =D

[TehDirtyDan]

How the fuck did I get Here from Lego Star Wars?

[fermerwuvu]

@TehDirtyDan you're a lucky man. Onion is the best news channel ever! =D

[31rS3RP3N7]

2:16, you can see even more of rebecca's tits...

[tequieromucho3366]

your joking right?......

[Mossgate97]

@sleazybtd There american dickshit.

[sleazybtd]

@Mossgate97 Sarcasm. Learn to recognize it.

While you're at it, learn the difference between "there" and "they're".

[photoshopluvr13]

"I'm Right Under You: How To Hook That Cute Guy In Your Vagina."

[MrBrilliantChaos]

Cooking while getting banged, best woman ever.

[TheIslammiracle]

'men love blowing their load into a confident woman'

...Thats going on a t-shirt tomorrow.

[iJustFlyDammit]

Wait a second...girls COOKING and F**KING! It can't get any better :D

[deathangelsweet]

i wonder if anyone has that kind of problem! 

[MertOKTN]

The answer: 2:07

[HeartsRequiem]

what the fuckkk did i just get trolled??!!

[HeartsRequiem]

lol this is so funny!!

[Underground906]

LOL. just found out this is actually a joke, now I can watch it for more then ten seconds. Great vid.

[Underground906]

This is some next level bullshit.

[sheatsns]

At first I didn't know this video was a joke...

[R3D50N69]

bad side of youtube again

[steps2psychosis]

This is quality information.i want to cum to a fresh baked cookie.

[VoodooKush]

Good question!

[ranksie400]

lmao so much rubbish

[pinksugarganster]

OOH SASSY! hahaha

[thespacialone]

Sorry to be a prude, but I think this was a little classless, the usual dry wit having been replaced by gaudy vocalized imagery. Saying "fucking" really undermines the format, too.

[Jsd8675]

@thespacialone Shut your mouth. Fuck is a word that most people say

[Skidblanar]

"men love blowing their load into a confident women" I approve this message

[catcharide56]

"Oh that's not gonna happen!"

It's true that's not gonna happen ladies, nice try.

[ForrestEvans420]

i want to fuck rebecca

[TheYouwontgetit]

i hate this video... ...some cunt threw a ball at me and started talking while i was plowing her last month... ...now i know why...

[kurls123]

All i need is a small oven under my bed! lmfao

[TheBarnebus]

Loool @ 1:10 .. " whos this new girl on my dick?"

[catcharide56]

"Men love blowing their load into a confident woman"

Yep.

[nicoleiscoolrawwwwrr]

LOL

[9mizzle]

Ohh HaHa That would win me over... hahaha

[MitchZer0II]

Wait, I had sex with some one?

[stukiller1]

im scared

[kymon117]

MOVE THE KITCHEN TO THE BEDROOM

Female efficiency has been greatly improved.

[mickynicky2819]

LOL THEY ARE GREAT ACTORS I WOULD HAVE LAUGHED MY ASS OFF

[denek723]

"Who's this new girl sitting on my dick?" LMAO



[SavoyTruffle78]

I'm totally gonna try these!! Next time a guy is fucking me, I'm gonna ask him if he knows of a good bookstore nearby!! **giggle**, I can't wait!!! :-))

[Kittystar123]

Why don't you try to get his attention BEFORE he's on top of you? ..

[heveinmusic]

Ladies... Remember to pre-heat that oven to 175c/347F during foreplay for those delicious cookies!

[TheFrogburt]

and the bar at the bottom of the screen

[TheFrogburt]

The funniest part is how into it the guy is.

[GemiZZle]

wtf hope this is a joke

[cjwright79]

Gotta be the most memorable Onion feature ever.

[rushzful]

I LOVE the Onion. Whenever I need to lose faith in humanity, I know where to find them.

[maggie1990mm1]

Lol is this shit funny or what.



[LaHatterFan]

Who's this new girl sitting on my dick?

[Pastor9764]

Americans joking about the usual problems resulting from male genital mutilation. The video isn't funny so much as revealing for everyone who knows real intimate sex with intact genitals. Just another massive facepalm at the USA, in this rare case even including the Onion crew.

[bodinian]

@Pastor9764 lolwut?

[uiruu]

@Pastor9764 wow. For a guy named Pastor, you're pretty stupid. Oh wait, that's not a contradiction. I forgot.

[Pastor9764]

@uiruu /watch?v=6BPEWw2Fi5Q

[uiruu]

@Pastor9764 Also, why is a guy named Pastor dissing circumcision? My understanding is that it is encouraged in religion.

[HanSoloStarcraft]

ouuuuuuh sassy



[kkamizadeh]

Plus, the first question from "Hilary," from Brooklyn, NY. Pretty funny.

[kkamizadeh]

I laugh hard at the last comment by the "relationship expert," but I don't know which reason, for my laughter, sums it up better: The grossly inappropriate language used by the "expert," or the extreme irony of the statement.

[iaintnut]

lmao ahahhahahah

[Howler54]

Hehe I like the news scroller thingy..

"Poll: 1 in 3 Americans believe Obama has personally scattered garbage on their lawns"

[csgrambauer]

@Howler54 LOL I didn't see that. Hahaha oh man this is why I love watching The Onion. And I'm not even American! XD!!

[MustbeTheBassest]

Wooah, sassy!

[soncher9]

lol that guy is so fuckin funny

[bollocks2who]

All the girls who clicked this video are supposed to be blowing a guy, bending over or making a Goddamn sandwich!! WTF are you doing in front of a computer??!

[LANDSHARK7130]

Sex IS the only time we notice you. are women this naive?

**this message brought to you by the author of "Women are from Mars, Men are from Penis"**

[davitodude]

What the heck, dude.

[isveryniceyes]

I love the ending "Up next" bit.

The government deems next friday to be "Take your child to look for work" day.

[TeleQtricK]

Fucking awesome

[vefge]

rather you give me a sandwich..

[CrayonVlogger]

I love the way they react to the person.

[DuralastTurbo]

CLASSIC!  =D

[bigsisgurl]

maybe shes baking them in an easy bake oven...

[controllerbrain]

they picked the worst looking chicks to call in!

[FamilyofSupernatural]

Must be awkward for the guy in the video...

[Raynor9X9]

@FamilyofSupernatural not really, I bet he wasn't even listening to her

[Nikkilove1998]

Are they kidding? I'm not going to bake while he buttfucks me! Or throwing a ball at him. I'd rather have him throwing his balls at me!!

[RunCircusRun]

@Nikkilove1998 The Onion never kids. Now bake me some cookies woman!

[alacar91]

i rather have dinner that a GODDAMN COCKSUCKING PIECE OF SHIT GODDAMN FUCKING COOCKIE

[SeaMonkey12321]

The only thing that would actually work here would be to make to make some cookies

[MsAli396]

OHMYYYYYYY soo much fake acting

[rascalcat208]

ya like a guy doesn't notice that he's sticking his junk up her and be like "oh who r u i didnt see u there......

[alzappa1]

lol >.>

[Omghedgehogs]

This is a joke, right?

[DAN5675able]

@Omghedgehogs these are all fake news reports.

[calltoduty5]

@Omghedgehogs nah its real

[levi799]

PLEASE MORE TODAY NOW; NOW!! stop all that other bs, this was one of the best things the onion used to produce.

[sterlingbrown5]

Boy, great things those top rated comments are the best quotes from the video. Wouldn't it have sucked to actually be surprised and not have the funniest moments ruined?

[Doowz]

I want a cookie the moment I come! :O

[hss413]

207 people have no sense of humor

[TwisterGirlz7]

"Hey! Where did that ball come from?" "Ooooh, Sassy. :D"

Wow.

[marlesimms]

1:57 hahahaha

[FromHablit]

I don't think it's possible to bake cookies in three minutes..

[mrchaos239]

@FromHablit well have you tried!?



[Shyhalu]

@FromHablit someone's not gettin noticed anytime soon.

[liamb322]

@FromHablit Thats why I last for the required 20-25 minutes of baking time...

[cjwright79]

@FromHablit 55 people are premature ejaccers. Pitiful humans.

[dilibau]

206 women haven't followed the advice

[atltom58]

I want my cookie...........

[MsLizzie92]

And a small oven under your bed.

[MrYeager013]

where did that ball come from?

[freeleafinthewind]

I feel very sorry for all of the women who clicked on this video looking for real advice.

[MikkelHolmAbrahamsen]

@freeleafinthewind what if it works?

[Shyhalu]

@freeleafinthewind I feel sorry for those who dont think this is real, good, advice....specially the cookies.

[brianwesley28]

@freeleafinthewind Yeah. If they didn't already know about those tips before, they'll never really, truly catch on. I mean, props to their attempt to imform others of these tips, but if they don't already know them in an innate manner, then they're pretty much hopeless cases and not even ten segments on this topic will help them. They disguised this segment as being beneficial to those who don't already know, but the real intention was to confirm to those who already know that they're right.

[owenish10]

@freeleafinthewind you made me laugh with this one

[cjwright79]

@freeleafinthewind Do you now chief, do you.

[ugasziz]

@freeleafinthewind LOL!

[TheMegaTronKwam]

There's a simple answer to this question: suck his dick.....right guys

[310BPM]

@TheMegaTronKwam

i don't think you get this..

[SapphireLibra3]

I always thought why he wouldn't say anything to me while he was thrusting...

[MrHardCash]

This is a comedy show? Right? Plz tell me it is!

[310BPM]

@MrHardCash

are you seriously that stupid?

[SeriousGamer2009]

@MrHardCash You are the dumbest mothafucka on youtube.

[MrHardCash]

@SeriousGamer2009 Funny, since 20+ other people on this page asked the same question. How did you determine I was the dumbest out of them all?

But screw that! I WON! Where do I get my trophy from?

[MrHardCash]

This is a comedy show? Right? Plz tell me it is!

[suffern63]

@MrHardCash totally serious.

[Britnih93]

I need advise! I've been dating this guy for a year, we work together but in different departments. He recently broke up with me cuz his ex is now working at the company. He says she still loves him and that he hates her but isn't over her... I'm not sure how to take this or what to do. I'm worried that he might try and get back together with her. I want help trying to figure this out and how I should deal with it. What should I say to him and what should I do?

[DeviousBetrayer]

@Britnih93 Let him blow a load in your mouth.

[ZeckRichards]

You mean all this time I wasn't jacking off???

[TENNSUMITSUMA]

i say the title of this and said ' lets do this'

....no fuckin ads either, excellent

[HappilyAnonymousGirl]

here's another tip! talk dirty to him in a foriegn language, that'll get his attention!

[haruhistnumber5]

Oh my goodness. This is as hard-hitting as it gets. Another win for team Onion!

[lilsweeti13]

u know you know

[lilsweeti13]

well when i buy all that stuff then he complains that i spent so much and thts sexy. as for the ball i avoid brining that up because hes not supposed to want that. ask questions if u have to but u know.

[GreenStyleFilms]

Advice on our channel is by guys in the shower for girls.

[atmatheprophet]

Here's a new tip, make him a sandwich.

[RickhatesScott]

OOOOH, SASSSY!

[katkat3able]

AHA, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA­HAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHAA­HAHAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA­HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHAHHA­HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA­HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHA­HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH­AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH­AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA­HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH­AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHHHH­HHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA­AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA­AAAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAH­AHHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHA­HAHAH WHOO, FUNNY [X

[celestina742]

LOVE ONN:)

THEIR NEWS PRODUCES RELIABLE ANALYSIS THAT CAN ACTUALLY PREDICT OUTCOMES V/ CLOSE TO REALITY.

I'M UP FOR 24/7 ONION N/NETWORK..BEATS FOX NEWS ANY DAY!!!

[skyslideshows]

Why am I laughing my ass off??!! xD

[bijoumomo]

who in the world keeps a mini oven under there bed...? O_O "oh... cookies!"