Dianetics Commercial 1989

[Dracopol]

Yeah, Scientology will help you with your relationships -- after you "go on the bridge" you won't HAVE any. Every person you meet, you won't scope them out as friends or potential love-partners or business relationships, EVERYONE, big or small, you will approach as a target to sell Scientology courses to. Your universe will be judged on your "stats" -- how much money you pull in to the church. It's like Amway only worse; everyone you meet is no longer a human but a source of dollar-signs.

[Dracopol]

The Scientology cult was caught being deceptive. They had their own members buy up copies of the book to keep it up on the bestseller lists. However, B.Daltons realized something suspicious was going on when they received replacement books from Scientology. THE B.DALTON'S PRICE-STICKER WAS ALREADY ON THEM! In other words, Scientology had "recycled" purchased books, willing to lose the difference between wholesale sale and retail purchase, but were too dumb to remove the stickers first!

[AresCassell]

As a young kid I always thought this was a commercial for a book about volcanoes.

[alexmortland]

If you wanna watch a Scientologist trip over his tongue, ask him "what's up with the volcano on the cover of this book? Explain this, please".

[MoFoEskimo]

My dad wrote the dianetics song... That "doot doot doot da doot da doot" they always use. The more you know! (both him and my mom worked directly under him... of course they had to literally escape from it. My dad ran the celebrity center, and my mom was in charge of expansion.. and she was 3 months pregnant with me when he died, she said she was the only one hoping I WASN'T him, so she decided if he did come back through her, that meant he didn't want to be a scientologist anymore ;] )

[Dracopol]

@MoFoEskimo Back up a bit. Are you seriously saying they thought HE would reincarnate through your mother and become YOU?

[dakotagerman1]

l.o.l. A typical 1980's Stepford Wife feels "good" about herself and, then: KA-BOOM!!! A volcano explodes (where Xenu blew up the body thetans).

Oh, yeah. (Just one more thing.) Check out the funky synthesizer music. DIG IT!!! (Just had to throw in the emphasis after the volcano...couldn't help myself.)

[MayonR]

I remember these old commercials. They were posed as a breakthrough science. Sort of marketed deceptively. Yeah it's a cult. The more you pay the more you become experienced in the religious cult. And don't ever make the mistake of getting on their mailing list. It's almost impossible to ever stop them from sending their junk mail.

[willdav713]

@MayonR It is not impossible to ever stop them from sending junk mail. Ever heard of PS Form 1500? Ask your postal clerk at the Post Office. All you have to do is claim it to be sexually offensive not matter how funny it seems, This does work. I stopped Lifetime Fitness, RedPlum, and DR Horton from sending me their junk. I laugh when my neighboors complain of junk mail and say I don't get any I just label it sexually offensive and fill out PS1500. Junkbustersdotcom

[MyFing2cents]

I kept tellng them I couldn't afford the money, but they won't take no for an answer. I had to almost puch two guys out to be able to leave the building. After I left, they called me everyday, and then a guy showed up at my door after a week. I told him to get lost, and he insisted on knowing why I won't go back there! Then they were calling me and saying weird things about what I said in "auditing" as if they were blackmailing me to go back! They gave up when they found I worked for the FEDs!

[MyFing2cents]

"Now I feel great about MYSELF" she says. That is how this CULT operates, it's all about self-centered gratification, and denial of guilt, or responsibility for your actions. I remember these commercials, thats when I checked it out for myself. I bought the book, then got a phone call asking me to come in for a free "personality test". I went and then they offered a few free "auditing sessions". They wanted me to continue, and pay money. I knew it was a SCAM right away.

[LRonHubbardFuckFace]

@MyFing2cents My dumb-ass sister gave me a copy of Dianetics around this time. I stared reading and was confused, then got tot he part about the E-Meter,a nd asked myself, "e-meter" wtf is that. So I called them, and asked the same. They said I would have to come in to find out. I said I dint want to come in can you just tell me what it is. so fucking creepy. I got suspicious real fast.

[viketaker]

godless fucking losers like tom cruise make me ill..

[wanawa87]

How about we all just learn to function on our own, take our own actions in hand, and quit looking for a savior to throw us a bone. That is the essence of escapism, and it's total bull shit. We are all a bunch of assholes, so why would you want to take life lessons from another human who is probably more fucked up then you? Lets think for ourselves for once.

[hate4uall]

she fails!

[hospitia]

This is a GREAT commercial .

I have read and applied what is in the Dianetics Books and its truly amazing stuff.

I highly recommend it.

[worldwideicon]

even that music is scary... fucking xenu

[happygocarts]

XENU!!  FTW!!!!

[ssmith73]

I wonder who is the more gullible, scientologists or creationists?

[LuminousWorld]

hail xenu's volcanic penis

[happygocarts]

lol!!!

[mrdeadhead]

no wonder i haven't seen a b. dalton since 1998

[nerdelicious5]

Girl - My relationships fail. What's wrong with me?

Scientologists - You're possessed by ZOMBIE GOASTS from outer space. Give us $5000 to exorcise them.

[ShinigamiXV]

Zombie Goasts: BUT THIS IS ARE THETAN!!!!

[ninjacup]

I don't know how acting like a zombie helps with relationships. I went to Clearwater on vacation and saw a bunch of them downtown, they didn't smile, say hi or make eye contact...it was really strange the whole vibe down there was wierd.

[guitarbeast25]

is it just me or do all scientologists i've seen have a strange glazed look in their eyes

[Weequay2]

brainwashing. that's the look of a clean slate

[Eathanskies]

lol turn into a volcano if you read this book

[AnonymousCracker]

She was a complete failure. And once she became a clam, she became an even bigger failure than that.

[Williamgilbert]

Read the book "Kingdom of the Cults" by Walter Martin. This is a CULT.

[willdav713]

What facts does Walter Martin have? Can it be corrolated with police reports? Where is the evidence here that scientology is a cult? No one has ever died from leaving scientology, NO ONE. That is like saying all Muslims are terrorists.

[StabbyTheClown]

No one has ever died eh? So Lisa McPherson is still alive then?

[thelonius2000]

fail

[w00tix]

Check out what the definition of a cult is. Scientology is a cult.

[Hacktheplantet00]

yeah you're an idiot. people have died because they HAVENT left Scientology.

[DementedMax]

@willdav713

You're right you know, they killed 'em before they could leave the church.

There are a lot of suicide cases where the person was able to shoot themselves over three times.

Also, there isn't an absolute leader of the Muslim world, nor is the official church of Scientology the only group that practices the religion.

[EGarrett01]

Even as a 7-year-old, when these commercials used to come on, I could tell there was something weird and wrong about them. I never wanted to read that strange book.

[Makron5]

I think she's reading from a teleprompter.

[rubyfire]

This video is so 80's-tastic. Love the teased hairstyle on the relationship failure woman.

[crystalclear6149]

the fact that this came out the year i was born makes me sad inside.

[willdav713]

Ok so what did the Native Americans believe in? More like that of Thomas Jefferson, Deism seeing God through nature. For the Native Americans Christianity is the White Mans Religion. At one time the Bible had scriptures against Blacks. It is true a lot of the churches in the south used the bible to brainwash the commoners. I believe some parts of the bible were added to by some of the clergy and it is not 100 percent accurate. Like if God hated homos why are they alive?

[Mick342]

as opposed to E.T.'s, ?

Yeah he gave me a phonecall and some

friendly advice and my girlfriend who left me in '94 ceme back and we sycuk on close-encounters and made love all night....THaNKS ELRON!!!!! :)

[000DarkNite000]

@willdav713 are you illiterate or something?

[magicalhats15]

So i would ask, what part of following Christ labels me with a weak mind? Is because i accept His call to absolute love? Because i recognize - with my own mind, by my own reason and intellect - that His message is truth? Your anti-religion sentiment is sickening, showing only that you know NOTHING about religion except what your dark, self created thoughts tell you about it.

Take away the crazy from scientology and you have nothing; take away the crazy from Christianity and you have beauty.

[doodles6857]

you know nothing about christianity :|

[magicalhats15]

"Religion - in any form and by any name - merely a crutch for the weak of mind."

And your copypasta shows you just mimic the ideas of others rather than thinking for yourself. Religion is only a crutch for the mind if the only purpose it serves in your life is to explain what you don't understand. I don't worship Christ because i think He created the world. I worship Him because i believe He is God. I wasn't brainwashed into beliving this, and i don't follow Him because i was born into it.

[JoeandOlly]

Maybe her problem was the Chicklet (Female Mullet) she had... though I would have still tapped that.

[schultz87]

Viva la pasta....All hail to the Flying Spaghetti Monster...

[LRonnyHubbard]

I came back from the grave to tell everyone I was a criminal/drug addict and more.I was wrong about scientology, its bull shit. Thank God i have that off my chest I feel so much better>Heaven looks great.

[SunriseSucks]

Elron Hubert!

[MRSUMONE]

i always thought it was Iron (strong like iron)

[GenericSuperhero1]

It's "L. Ron Hubbard."

It even says it on the cover you fool.

[deadside26]

the girl should have stopped when she said, "I was a failure....." nuff said

[olsonuf9]

I totally remember this coming on all the time in the 80's! How easily stuff passes by kids' ears/eyes.....

[vdiddyinthecity]

just...wow.....

[AnonymousMarcab]

Nice exploding volcano you have there scientology!

[DjC4]

AHAHAHA AWESOME! Great Post LOL HAIL XENU

[raunchbear]

Here we go again with that Xenu myth.

[thesouthparkguy]

Co$ denies the Xenu story of OTIII, yet they publicly allude to it with things like the exploding volcano animation on this ad. What a load of shit.

[zaphraud]

I remember these ads too.

During this period, they were taking member contributions and using the funds to buy copies of the book dianetics right back off the shelf. The same book could be sold literally dozens of times as new! They did this at a loss, for the sole purpose of keeping that quack piece of shit on the best-seller list.

[lordtalon69]

yep:

According to a Los Angeles Times exposé published in 1990, "sales of Hubbard's books apparently got an extra boost from Scientology followers and employees of the publishing firm [Bridge Publications]. Showing up at major book outlets like B. Dalton and Waldenbooks, they purchased armloads of Hubbard's works, according to former employees."

and .. i have no dought they still do it with all the star money they have now they can buy 1 mil books at a time if they want to keep it "popular".

[Varviktel]

hahahah... I remember that commercial... it ran through like 1992.

[iiswansongii]

Dianetics came along at a time when 'self help' was a big thing.

[acidtones1]

I've read self help books and they have helped me. But Scientology is nothing more than a sick and twisted evil mind control cult that tries to disguise it self as something lese. xenu(dot)net

[iiswansongii]

Oh I definetly agree with you. I've been addicted to watching xenutv1 videos and torymagoo44. In my observation, i was trying to say that it's almost like they 'disguised' themselves as self help, because they knew it was popular at that time. In 1989 I would have been 15 years old. I remember wanting to get that book after seeing the commercials. Thank God I didn't. At that time, I was probably in that 'searching' frame of mind where there was a chance I might have got hooked.

[acidtones1]

I was close to getting into Scientology but luckily I found out it was a cult just in time! You are right. They do try to disguise themselves as self help. Because that was during my major self help phase and that's how I became curious about it.

[SpikeJonze]

*SPOILER* THE VOLCANO ON THE COVER OF YOUR DIANETICS BOOKS = 75 FUCKING MILLION YEARS AGO ALIENS WERE THROWN INTO THE VOLCANOES OF THE HAWAIIAN ISLANDS, WHERE THE VOLCANOES WERE THEN BLOWN UP WITH HYDROGEN BOMBS, AND CAUSED THETANS TO SEPERATE FROM THE BODIES OF THE ALIENS. THIS IS NOT AN ALLEGORICAL STORY, IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE FUCKING TRUE.

Are you dead yet? YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO SEE THIS INFORMATION UNTIL OT III.

[Fragmeat666]

You may have saved people a lot of money. They're only supposed to find that out after spending tens of thousands of dollars.

[Neurosnarfer]

Taking a wild guess: nearer to the top of the Co$ dungheap is where the magic(k) occurs. There, the Scienos get their first taste of reality bending, but don't get told that magic also is free- and doesn't require the LRH godform.

Just a guess, heh.

[acidtones1]

I believe in Magick. But even so! Why get brainwashed in the process by some lunitic? Scientology is dangerous.

[niyooh]

That doesn't come from that...Scientology says it comes from the explosive effect it has in your life. I don't think it has anything to do with OT III.

[acidtones1]

How dare you spoil the volcano senario! You know that these people aren't ready for OTIII yet! Gosh! Now these people will have to go here - xenu(dot)net - for the antidote of the "important" information you, the SP, leaked out!

[NevvySyndrome]

Do Scientologists who don't know the "Xenu" story ever wonder what the volcano means?

[zaphraud]

evidently not.

[CamdenBloke]

Is B. Dalton even still arond any more? I remember as a child of the 80s there being one in the local mall. I also remember that while arguably there was a somewhat ok selection of classic and contemporary literature along the wall, most of the rest of the books were fluff. A lot like those discount bookstores today where the Crowns used to be. I suppose they went under, eventually.

[CamdenBloke]

I remember seeing these adds as a kid and wanting to get that book (I was born in 1980). In middle school I grabbed a copy off of a library used book rack, not knowing about the cult. It seemed perfectly reasonable for a few pages, but took the notions of psychosomatic illness way too far. I was 13 and decided on my own it was crazy, assuming when I started that I was reading a reputable psychology book. How do so many people fall for this?

[BrickTamnland]

hint: people are easy to fool if they lack critical thinking

[MacavityF]

Can anyone upload the "Great Lie" Dianetics/Scientology commercial where the professor/scientist yells "MAN IS ANIMAL!!!!" ?

[OpenSaysamy]

Lol.. "I kept thinking 'what's wrong with me?' The book gave me answers!" Awesome- I wish I had a book that would enumerate my flaws!

[lumpwump]

try the bible and it can be found easily and cheaply(if not free)

[Phisherphish]

Scientology isn't even a Religion. It offers no truths, no enlightenment. It simply strips your mind of any defenses and demands you pay for it. Not even the Christians have made donations compulsary for salvation (at least not since the early reniassance).

[shizzle5150]

lulz!

[knickknuck1]

Religion - in any form and by any name - merely a crutch for the weak of mind.

[lostbluedot]

agreed!

[lostbluedot]

my last comment was for knicknuck1 :)

"Religion - in any form and by any name - merely a crutch for the weak of mind." agreed!

[Adino1]

This is where it all started.

[leftwingwacko]

I remember these weird commercials, I thought to my self while watching them that it sounded like a scam! I sent my money into the Chia pet commercial instead.

[Controversies]

lol chia pet, awesome, you sure saved yourself some money on that deal

[guring44]

I love the cheesy music lol

[johnjohnb1]

lol i know me too

[stillingwave]

I always wondered what the volcano had to do with anything, then Southpark answered that for me.

[mactrigger]

you fucking retards! stay in your fucking cult! be brainwash as you like in TR! And why not a Sec-Check to be sure! That's a fucking LIE DETECTOR, you idiots! HAhaha! You don't have to be a fucking genius to know what is mind-controlled!

[nymphrenic]

Dianetics is a tidy and rational understanding of the function of the human mind. I found the theories in dianetics to be far more intelligible than most mainstream psychology, drawing on the basic need to survive as a fundamental principle of it's theories. Penis-envy and wanting to have sex with a parent are certainly no more provable psychology than is the basic need to survive as reason for our woes as stated in dianetics.

[nymphrenic]

There's a reason Dianetics has been mocked and scorned so...to believe in Dianetic theory is to believe in evolution, to believe that the more prosperous you are, the more likely you are to survive, goes against most theology.

I wonder who might take serious issue with that ideal?

Always question a mob-mentality. If it's such obvious bs, it wouldn't warrent the energy its given to demonize it so.

[nymphrenic]

To understand the history of survival, is to understand the mind and why you may do as you do despite rational thought.

With better understanding of survival, you'll better predict your behavior, & you'll better understand your previous, often repeating, behavior by applying the theories and therapy meant to discover it, so to cease that behavior. It's very logical and very rational. When finishing reading Dianetics, you'll discover the power of mob-mentality and laugh...hard.

[picturethief]

Search for "Xenu" on wikipedia. Scientology is fricken wierd.

[tksmkwd]

what if cia aint in my country???? n what if iv never seen a psychiatrist??? i guess it cant help me??? so its a crock???

[janandjan]

The book is actually very good.Reading it is also the best way how to understand what Dianetics really is and how human mind works.People who really did brainwashing like CIA+psychiatry's programs in 50's were scared of this book getting into your hands because here you really have your mind all explained and you can even undo what they did to people.

[Joe402]

lol @ the volcano

[alexoidztube]

A third paradigm of mind control, or brainwashing, comes from George Estabrooks in his writing about hypnotism, about which he was an expert. Estabrooks noticed that many of the elements of mob psychology used by cult leaders were very similar to techniques used by hypnotists. He states that these techniques were used by Hitler, they were also practiced by Hubbard.

[festus3030]

Anyone know why it shows an exploding volcano in this vid?? You can check this out if you want. According to Scientologists , Aliens were chained to a Volcano and killed with NUCLEAR WEAPONS , 75 million years ago ,, I'M not kidding, THESE SCIENTOLOGISTS BELIEVE THIS . And to get more crazy than that ,,The Scientologists believe they possess our bodies. NO BULL , Just look up the FACTS.

[robopanther]

Scientology is unbelievably idiotic. Who would believe this utter crap - we're living in the 21st century!

[SiNN4R]

CULT

[forgottenkahz]

You just don't understand. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!

[mikeredped]

your relationships suck because u r a stupid chick.

[fireplace911]

If only jihad was about bringing the end of scientology.

[predictablyrandomist]

extremist religions can suck my balls

[mackeral0]

all hail lord xenu

[TomthatiscalledTom]

L Ron Hubbard

Hid in the Cupboard

Scared of the FBI

Cruise thinks he's a God

But he's really a Fraud

Dianetics is based on Lie!

[thefilthelement]

The book gave me the answer that there is a lot wrong with me. I feel great about myself being completely alone.

[scooter952]

there is nothing wrong with you friend! you are in the image of the almighty! and you are not alone, if your belief tells you that theres something wrong with you, change your beliefs! show love to the Lord, not a man with a huge ego and who evaded the FBI!

[thefilthelement]

It was sarcasm, there is no way I would ever believe in this brain washing, money extorting cult.

[scooter952]

ah okay

[garouHH]

Right now I honestly don't know which of these two belief systems scares me more.

[notscooter952]

do I promote hatred? only to actions of stupidity and disrespect. I can understand why you might feel... iffy about christianity: the religeous right. it's distorted what I believe into some nasty political agenda.

[garouHH]

It's more that "if your belief tells you that theres something wrong with you, change your beliefs!" part. There really might be something wrong with you, but not with your beliefs. Before you change *those*, you should have more reason to do so than "It doesn't feel right". Evidence for instance, or, in the more evidence-free parts of philosophy, good axioms.

[notscooter952]

well articulated. you're right.

[wagenknecht23]

I am an ÜBERMENSCH thnx to scientology! AND YOU CAN BE TOO! WTF ARE YOU WAITING FOR? Its even cheaper than you think check it ouuut

[Tabascofanatikerin]

Oh man, what the lady says here can mean anything like "After I read the book I still haven't found a man I can love but now I enjoy living alone much more".

Crappy commercial, dangerous pseudo-religion and I won't pay a cent for a book of Scientology.

[mastercellphone]

Was that Lady Macpherson?

[Tabascofanatikerin]

Mmhhhmmhhhhhhhmhhh.....nope, doesn't look like her.

Poor Lisa Macpherson. I guess she never expected a nasty ending like this.

[Herald8]

I have a slightly different version of this commerical from 1989. It shows a few more pages quotes, no people talking, and ends with "Where ever paperbacks are sold."

I used to think the rocks were similar to Land Before Time, lol

[SlappyThePenguin]

Great advertisement, where can I buy a copy? The bookstores where I live say they won't stock or order that crap in. I wonder why.