What I Have Lost to My Eating Disorder

[KissMeGooodnight]

In your other video your laughing and happy. Obviously this is an attention seeker.

[cntrymscfan08]

Sad :(

[Iyhbhurd]

You're beautiful.

[RedRosesAndBears]

It's sad :(

It might be strange but I like how you write your 'Y'

[eronktastic]

Girl, ive been basically exactly where you've been before in my life. Same everything. Same recognition of the song even. Watching this video nearly made me cry. I hate anorexia. It should go die. Have itself get anorexia and die.

[MarmiteSqueeze]

but you can get it all back! ive been there and done it.

[TheMaryaDD]

I love this video; it's beautiful in its simplicity, moving, and refreshingly honest. So sorry that you couldn't use "Sick Cycle Carousel" anymore; thought that song was perfect for it!

Thank you so much for making this; for helping to raise awareness about something that literally destroys lives!

[emanzumra]

i can't stop crying

as i believe every letter you wrote, and i'm going through the same hell!

and that's not all what i've lost, i've lost my friends, family relationships, it's like i'm disconnected from every human been i once knew :(

people won't understand when i talk, it's hard to get help overhere...

[ILoveFollowTheLeader]

Definitely cried too.

[fmaotaku2010]

does anyone have bulimia? i feel so alone and need someone to talk to. message me,plz.

[3jamic]

@fmaotaku2010 what is bulimia??

[fmaotaku2010]

@3jamic its a terrible eating disorder where you binge and purge

[chelliroo]

Perfectly captured. In every way.

[Katieluvsmilk15]

i think ur very pretty. and dont listen to rude ass ppl they dont know what they are tlking about. yes, there are ppl who make up sob stories and they piss me off but someone who makes up a sob story really wouldnt kno wat an ed does to u other than the obvious (loss of periods etc.) u got all the psychological and emotional stuff that no phony could ever pull out of thin air. great job :)

[trgd89]

I don't think you truly have an eating disorder. I've seen many girls make up these disorders for attention because they have stale personalities and lives. You seem to be a classic case of this.

[eronktastic]

@trgd89 What's your problem? Have you had an eating disorder in your life? Of course you shouldnt - its a living hell!!!

[manifique100]

@trgd89 just because she has the guts to share her story and struggles doesn't mean she's attention seeking or faking it. so many people have this negative idea that if truly have an ED you have to keep it secret and never seek help. this isn't the case. so shut up.

[bapyou]

Such a beautiful young woman inside and out. I hope you win your struggle. Peace.

[huertiux]

love your video, think you're so right.. what's the name of this song?

[izacamelia]

Wow. Thank you.

I suffer from depression and dermatillomania not eating disorders but I feel like all you've lost also applies to me.

You've said it all. I'm bookmarking this video to REMEMBER and stop losing things....

[beautifulinspace]

You are so beautiful. If only we could stop the pain, from everybody. I don't want to see people suffer and hate themselves. I know what an eating disorder does to people. Hope you feel better now. I cried when I saw this video. So much I recognized. We got to move on !

[honeybunny562]

wow! i really felt ur video now i could see my past from the outside insted of just the inside i was always skinny n seen myself as fat so i did stuff to make myself skinny i recently gained ALOT OF weight i see nothing but fat n ugly in the mirror i started to gain another eating disorder n decided to come on youtube n look up eating disorders to see what i could find im glad i came across your video it changed so much THANX FOR UR VIDEO IT HELPED ME N UR PRETTY..I WISH U THE BEST!

[joyisaware]

wow i've lost every single thing you wrote there, exept for the period but i'm sure i would have lost that too if i was a women..

thanks for sharing! your healing us all with honesty and awareness

[socialoutcast1980]

you gotta keep eating Mcdougal and burger king, don't give up now, people say crap about these foods, but it's all a lie, what makes these foods bad for you is the WAY you eat it, they're all healthy, but people don't even chew their food properly and get sick. It's all the brain, just because it's called fast food, people try to eat it as fast as possible. you have veggies and a nice juicy beef patty, also bread. It's all good stuff.

Learn to eat fast food people!

[BlondeZ4]

U have a unique gift. U found the words 2 describe the pain felt by anyone who has an eating disorder. U R very talented

[kayzar12]

omg that was amazin ur gorgeous i have sufferd from a eating disorder n at one stage had suwersidal thought and thinking a razor was my best friend so ive know how u fell i say ur a gorgeous darlin if u need to talk just msg me :)

[imaretardhucares]

the questionh is what havnt you lost ?

Awwh i feel sorry for yuu

[favea]

good video!

[Merlikas]

I have lost those same things... only I'm not sick... isn't it? But saing everything is alright is a lie.

[fuckkyouu]

ive lost all thoes too.

your gorgeous.

<3

[daniellepayton16]

I cried.

[DarknezZSoulXofMiNe]

I know how you feel.. I lost so much and it is hard to find it all again

[starsgocold]

this really touched me.

i've had ednos for well over 10 years and i'm prety sure we've both lost all of these things... and even more.

but never seem to lose the weight.

[JadiieLaura]

I hope you get better soon :( I nearly had an eating disorder, but people managed to help me because they could see that I wasn't eating. Get well soon x

[xBlackxMistx]

but your skinny so it is all okay . when i'm skinny it will all be okay .

[ArentWeAlone]

Black Mist . . . just don't do it. Find some friends and talk to them. Find a journal and write down your pain. Even find a psychiatrist and get help. Don't lose yourself in there; some people never come out.

[SaraBareilles1]

You are beautiful,I have an eating disorder,and i have lost many of my friends cause of it,my mother never peaks to me,and it sucks! i'm only 12 and weigh 64 pounds! i'm kinny,but i look fat....oh snap....i need help....but do i want it.....no........I have.......i have to fight it!.......an so do u!

[fggtSTDs]

This made me cry :[

I really hope that you get better love.

[jedidjaw]

you didn't lose your honesty competely, you just told us very openly what you've lost. I hope I one day may have the courage you just showed. Please get well, the world needs you.

[Nixi99]

i know....

[cooan]

Apart from the physicall symptoms and effects...the others are similar to depression.

Hope you're better

xx

[loveyourbodyalready]

Please vist my channel it may help you.

[miquiecrew]

you may have lost stuff, but you can find it again and go with it. ED is just a coping mechanism - it isn't you. hang in there. love the video.

[KAIKAX]

Kick it bad ..see all the things you´ve lost..all the anger, all the sadness..put it all together and kick it back as hard as you can..cause it´s worth it. I can tell. Got over it and you can do it too!!!. Kisses from Spain.

[TheEyesOfTheSouth]

I noticed family and friends were not on your list. That is a positive.

[Uzehername]

I hope you realize what a beautiful person you are inside and out. I hope you find faith again.

[TrueHatred1980]

I think there is something you missed...the most import thing is...that you lost yourself and your ability to love others as well as yourself. An eating disorder always stays with you...there is no magical "cure" like some people think.

[1111Cleopatra1111]

great video. hope you are better now!

[lindseyluvsya14]

Amazing and Creative. I relate to this very much.

[CaeliCelina]

your ys make all your words look like sad faces. :(

[bapyou]

Sweetheart, I hope you find the help you need. I've lost some of the thngs you've listed as well, but not to an eating disorder. A person can feel loss (or lost) as the result of any number of things.

[missesreece]

i'm so sorry that you've lost so much through your battle[s] with eating disorders.

i truly hope things get better.

kudos to creativity on making the vid by the way.

[knighttexter]

it sounds like a video about weed lol yal seen the commercials, but seriously get help you coo, just pray about it or something i don't know what to say good video go enjoy a cheese burger and fuckk the world and what others might see u as, go eat girl!!!

[empressofcharn]

really well done video. a lot of the same things have happened to me. hope you're better now or getting better x

[emptiness555]

i keep watching it over and over...

[Ivegotanadditude]

meaningful

[jackieobehave]

An incredible video - such an interesting way to convey the message.

My thoughts are with you - may you find your way through this, & toward the happy, healthy & fulfilling life you deserve.

[jolieestmaigre]

every time i see this video i cry :(.this is pretty much my life starting to spiral down and i'm only 15

[aquarius26al]

I lost the mos beautiful part of my life , my youth...my teen days...and i lost the chance to have kids and this hurts as hell.

so i know how you re feelin , but you re not alone , im here with you...we are here with you.

And everyone who reads this and has an ED , please ,please,please GO GET HELP before its too late.

[kissingpointRd]

goodness babe u have come a long way to be aware of all these things u have lost! u r going to be a better person after this even though it seems you have lost so much ur life is still so valuable and u are an amazing person to have come that far. and you have helped me so much by posting this so i'm sure u have helped so many others too!

[iamoldrainbow]

forgot to add. i lost my good grades in school im barely passing high school now and i have absolutely no friends i have noone.

[electricoskies]

You say you have no friends does ur family support you because thats all you really need & you to believe in yourself && if u want a friend i would be =)

Hope things get better for you =)

[iamoldrainbow]

so true. every work on that card describes me right now. i dont even want to live

[ItsMeDesyB]

='[  maaaan this is sad, say strong peeps!

but girl in vid didnt look that bad :s

[electricoskies]

looks can be deceiving

& it is sad feel so sorry for people who suffer from it ='( Please get better it so painful watching these videos :(

[smalliverchick]

:( I can totally relate. One of my things I missed most when I was deep into an ED is the fact of having friends and being able to laugh, smile and also concentrate/with proper memory.

[marymarimoore]

it´s really something to think...

i had once anorexia and i know, everything you said, its really true and yes you can really lose youre voice

[evegorecki]

this is one of the best, simplest, MOST HONEST ana vids ive seen - im 37 years old, been on the carousel for decades and NOT fool enough to believe its a trend or beautiful or any other crap people bill it as - i loved your truths - you are not alone in them - thank you

[fuhcue13]

did u really lose ur voice?

[aquarius26al]

mine got kind of deeper (sometimes i hate it , it sounds like masculine) and my doc. says that purging has damaged my vocal cords because the acids in the stomach begun to wear away my throat and vocal chords.

[LoveToMagic]

Perhaps temporarily. In bulimia it tends to happen, but did you see that anorexic girl on Dr. Phil? Her voice was really fugged.

Hope you are getting and staying well, OP. ♥

[alovelyday7]

I'm sorry you've lost all of that. Please take care of yourself. Stay strong!

[kagee5640]

i lost hope.

[arsenicqueen69]

I've lost all of that. Seven years of an Eating Disordered hell, and I still can't count what I am losing and never getting back. Maybe we can get through this. Maybe we all can... We'll never get back the hours, days, or weeks but maybe we can get back some of our lives...

[ludfirst]

Thank you for this video. It helped me a lot. Take care.

[Isabet]

This seriously made me cry... because I am on that path too, because I know this is what I will become, and because I want to stop it, but I can't...

[tester7555545]

soo much pessimism! I see lots of hopelessness. Try some optimism...Maybe that was a dumb statement. I am surprised you are still alive, it is a miracle

[tester7555545]

soo much pessimism! I see lots of hopelessness I guess it is time for you to die

[ComfortingLie007]

Wow, I can really relate, to those feelings and emotions. Except I dont have an ED.

[groesteridiot]

All what I have lost to RECOVERY

I lost the line between hell and silenceness

I lost these very few seconds of silenceness

I lost the feeling of beeing physically as cold as psychologically

I lost feeling totally exhausted

I lost being able to fall asleep (with the thoughts of dying)

I lost hope

I lost feeling ...ok, while watching in death-eyes

I lost the skill to exclude losts of triggering thoughts out of my mind

I lost everything despite a life which I hate

[melisierra]

you still have a chance to get better, i used to have those kinds of problems and get through them....you are a nice woman think about it

[MoonlightShadowlolz]

I feel soooooo sorry for you!!! I really hope you'll get better soon! please stay strong!

[Nixi99]

i'm suffering from an eating disorder since 15, and between in treatment since 16.. once again i'm going to the hospital and i turned 28 today. I'm mainly bulimic but under weight.please try to stop cuz it only gets worse.. i've lost everythig you siad and more and i'll never get it back, but i accept it. i just can't stop though...

[unperfectisback]

I've lost alot too.

[keigsisbomb]

damn...

know how you feel girl

stay strong

Peace

[pennyd20]

wow...very well done! I am so proud of your ability to be so brutally honest! you brought me to tears. I care about you. You are going to make it! I truly believe that. Try to stay positive!

[everlastingchill]

I like your handwriting, especially your Y's. Great song choice. Powerful message!

[Ardor80]

We all have our somethings that haunt us and hurt us.

We all have our differences.

We all have something that we can connect with.

We all have something to share.

We all have hearts.

We all have something to hide.

We all want to be loved.

[meggy202]

god what is with all these youtube haters. love ya & your videos including this one.

hope you're doing ok hun

x

[Euphoria1111]

Why are these people leaving such MEAN COMMENTS. You obviously do not understand eating disorderS! April, I want to tellyou that your body can still heal itself... that is an inner quality you will never lose.

[scarfaceQ8]

fuk u dnt share ur depression with us keep it to ur self

[KungFu17]

I think you are exaggerating, and that focusing on what you've lost is self-defeating. It helps other people perhaps stop going down this road, something that makes this video very thoughtful and worthy, but it probably doesn't help you any...

[dolphin087]

brilliant. I saw myself on every page. You're clearly a very intelligent, thoughtful, deep thinking person, and I am sorry you have lost so much...and I hope so strongly you can [we all can] take our lives back!! *love*

[coachkamisue]

wow,this really was an emotional video.within the first couple of pages it brought tears to my eyes

[melissawreckemtech]

good for you for recognizing the negatives of what you're doing to yourself, that's a big step on the road to recovery. best wishes,

[gnrqueen]

yeah..but u've lost yr voice!!oh...!!

[idanes]

that's so sad

[Sodomatriarch]

love ya!

[beauty84b]

take care!

i'm thinking about you and sending you all strenght i have (maybe that's not a lot but always something).

[WhatLiSaid]

Very well put. I can relate. I lost everything you have lost. Forunately, I've recovered everything as well. Best of luck in your own recovery!

[SoulFlava141]

best video ive seen so far when it comes to how i feel on most of the things and emotions u wrote down...

[outlawered]

beautiful

[qtred]

amazing

[bad4alice]

You have Found the Strength to do this Video;

You have Found the Intelligence to Realize your Problems;

You have Gained my Respect and Admiration.

You can Find MOST of the Things you've Lost, and

You have just Taken a HUGE Step towards Recovery! =D

We DO Care! Hugs, -Ali-

[mallorynakamura]

Amazing video. It's so true :(

[chanceoperations]

great video...i never heard that song before, but it fits so well.

[nonamavi]

Doesn't it? I think a lot of songs that talk about needing to leave a person but never being able to fit so well with this situation.

[isaglow]

I love your video!

[angelupabove10]

This is an amazing video! I've seen you before on The Purg. so maybe you might remember me too? Stay strong.

[WhereRMyWings]

*claps* Awesome video hun. Perfect song choice, Ive never considered the lyrics that way.

[bigworldlittlegirl]

Wow that was really great! Very moving and strong. When I think about it I've lost many of the same things, maybe even more. Would you mind if I made a video like this for myself?

[nonamavi]

Not at all.  I responded to ozfizz's video, so if you to make one, respond to hers. :)

[patito76]

great video, you´re so right

[ozfizz]

It's scary how much it has taken away. Love the lyrics to that song. x

[bindiloo]

TRUTH.

[skinny80lbs]

whats the name of the song and artist....

[Littlemissgemma]

Lifehouse › Sick Cycle Carousel

[lindieinred]

this is a very strong and moving video.

[qweengrape]

this was a great video.. god i can relate...