NBC's "Law & Order SVU" and Grey Rape episode co-starring Christine Lahti and Mariska Hargitay

[matthewlane]

@DateSafeProject Actually thats not what Gray Rape is at all. Gray Rape is when a drunk women consent to have sex with an equally drunk man. Then the next morning she suffers from buyers remorse & then claims it was rape. I'm sorry but your misandry is showing. This idea that drunk men are somehow more responisble then drunk women is such sexist tripe. Feminists claim to want equailty, up until it comes to equality of responsibility & then its suddenly all mens fault.

[DateSafeProject]

@matthewlane Consent is what people want. To give consent, you must be of "sound mind." For this reason, most states have made it clear a drunk person cannot give consent. If you are asking why one person is held responsible, the answer is the person who is the perpetrator (aggressor) is still responsible drunk or sober. Why?  You are responsible for harming another person whether drunk or sober. You are not held responsible for someone harming you (whether you are drunk or sober).

[matthewlane]

@DateSafeProject Exactly, so by that theory, two drunk people who has sex willingly with each other, can't have simultaneoulsy raped each other. This doesn't even work as a logic chain let alone a freaking law. See Grey rape is not when one person gets the other drunk as to have sex (thats just rape). Grey rape is when 2 drunk people have consesentual sex & the next morning someone suffers buyers remorse.

[DateSafeProject]

@matthewlane You are going on the basis 2 people are equally drunk which rarely occurs. If that situation were to occur, the law would typically look at who was the aggressor.

You keep referring to what you believe "Grey Rape" is by referring to "Buyer's Remorse." This is not the definition used in the media and/or news outlets.

[Adele8705]

@matthewlane Um, NEITHER of them should have been consenting to sex if they are both drunk.

[dwtrinket]

We could call it grey self defense.

[dwtrinket]

If there is alcohol involved and a woman is so drunk and a male tries to take advantage of her and she says no and he ignores her and continues to attack her she should be allowed to take out a gun and blow his fucking head off and be able to say that he was so drunk that he asked for it. that is my opinion

[DateSafeProject]

blitzmut, legally a drunk person cannot give consent to sexual activity. While I'm not a lawyer, this law is pretty consistent across the country.

As to the both people being "equally" drunk, a good approach is to ask, "Why would anyone set that standard for having sexual activity?"

[blitzmut]

to any sexual encounter automatically means that someone's getting raped-- at least that's what I think you're saying. Correct me if I'm wrong.

If both people are drunk, is it possible to be both the victim and the rapist?

Also if a tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?

Like I said before, I'm not sure I'm understanding you correctly.

[blitzmut]

absolutes is extremely dangerous when it comes to something like this. a story: a long-term couple splits 2 weeks after they had sex w/1 of them drunk- but there was total recall, and no regrets.

Now after hearing in this video that if there's alcohol involved, he/she was 100% raped - and he/she wants to hurt the ex, so sexual assault charges are filed.

As for alcohol, clearly it DOES change everything--you said so yourself: since one cannot give consent while intoxicated, adding alcohol...

[blitzmut]

I'm confused here. Are you saying that if one person is drunk during sex, then that person was unequivocally raped? Even if the next morning both parties remember what happened, and are glad that it did? Even if they're in a relationship? Even if they've already had consensual sex numerous times before- with no regrets?

To be clear, I'm not saying that sexual assault doesn't occur under the circumstances mentioned (one drunk, another taking advantage, etc...)

I'm just saying that dealing in...

[wilddancesarah]

I am interested in the treatment of rape victims in court. Court is another male dominated arena in which victims can also expect to be handled roughly and get banged up a bit. The whole experience is offensive to a respectable female. To talk about a sexual experience you did not wish to have with a man who's not your husband in the presence of complete strangers who are taking notes and deciding whether or not you are making it up. It's degrading. It's like being raped with an audience

[wilddancesarah]

people can't handle when we break the establishment. part of the establishment is men being in charge and women sitting by idly nodding their heads in agreement. our recent outrage, as a society, against rape and child abuse (involving the male dominated priesthood), is something that's breaking society's mold. As a society we are saying no to rape. The ones that scoff simply prefer being in charge. The power to destroy a woman, a family, with physical dominance, that's a lot of power

[wilddancesarah]

men think that when they want it, it's not sexual assault. I got pulled out of my garage, drug down the alleyway at knife point, and ........ My father in-law said I shouldn't have been out at night. my fault. I don't know what date rape is, but violent stranger rape is horrifying. In court, there are males on the defense team prepared to make real rape victims look like idiots. that is the real life that i encountered. so if the tv show is trying to make women look like idiots.....

[DateSafeProject]

kierier7777, both males and female are survivors (effects all genders). The show is discussing a male - female case. Can a male be sexually assaulted when he is intoxicated? YES! Anyone can be sexually assaulted whether sober or intoxicated.

The idea most males are "demonized" when involved in a sexual act while intoxicated is simply not the norm (in fact, rarely do you hear of it happening). The research shows more often intoxicated females ARE unfairly blamed for what others do to them.

[kierkier7777]

Yes, Mr. Domritz, it takes courage and strength to report a sexual assault. My comments were not meant to trivialize that at all, and I apologize if I conveyed that sentiment.

I noticed that you ignored my first post or simply chose not to tackle the troublesome issue of the disparate way our society responds to people based on their gender, which is my central argument. To be fair, you aren't the first to ignore this (and certainly won't be the last).

[DateSafeProject]

As to "Grey Rape", either a sexual assault occurred or did not occur. "Grey Rape" makes it sound like there is an in-between. Thus making light of the trauma sexual assault creates.

The definition of sexual assault IS NOT "the first to a finish line of reporting whether or not they have regrets." I'm hoping and assuming you did not mean to diminish the strength and courage many survivors display by coming forward to report a rape.

[kierkier7777]

To clarify, I am not condoning sex while intoxicated, however I am challenging the notion that sexual assault is as uncomplicated as Mr. Domirtz posits.

If we define rape victims as the first to a finish line of reporting whether or not they have regrets, we set ourselves up for very, very complicated advocacy situations.

[kierkier7777]

What I find problematic about "gray rape" is that men AND women share equal propensity to regret decisions they make while intoxicated, yet when a woman confides in her friend that she has second thoughts about a sexual encounter while she was intoxicated, we are very good at surrounding her with (indeed, encouraging her to utilize) rape victim advocacy.

When a male confides in his friends that he has those same regrets we demonize him as a rapist. Don't you see a problem here?

[DateSafeProject]

Great points, arabesque0128. Please help spread this message by sharing the video on FaceBook, Twitter, etc...

[arabesque0128]

Had the perpetrator NOT been present, the girl (in this context) would have never been sexually assaulted. By implying otherwise, we are inadvertently placing blame on the victim/survivor rather than on the perpetrator of the violence. And sexual assault IS an act of violence, not sexual gratification--a very important point to keep in mind. This is just one of the many misconceptions that defines the rape culture that we live in. Let's hope SVU is able to clarify and bring light to this issue.

[arabesque0128]

Thank you for this video. I am a huge supporter of the show, but was upset with the line reference in Christine Lahti's interview. Many men and women in our culture go out to a bar or a party, get drunk, and get home safely. That in and of itself should not be looked at as an unwise choice in this context. The problem in this context is not the decision to go out and drink alone or with friends. The problem is that the perpetrator was present...

[DateSafeProject]

svuchick1, thank you for your comments. What you describe is exactly the stereotype we are concerned the SVU episode will lead to - the concept "girls cry rape."

In addition, people who have been considered "good friends" have sexually assaulted the ones who cared about them.

FYI: If someone did engage in sexual activity with a person while the partner was drunk, a sexual assault would be occurring. Consent cannot be given when a partner is not of sound mind.

[svuchick1]

I think the term grey isn't about grey rape as a whole, but the whole situation being black and white. When Christine talks about girls not making good decisions when they are drunk could mean the whole maybe agreeing with sex and waking up, noticing what happened, and knowing it was a bad choice, the girls cry rape. Even if it was a really good friend. you have a situation where u go to a party, drink a lot, wake up with someone the next morning and can't remember what happened...must be rape

[svuchick1]

@svuchick1 So therefor the black and white situation (girl+getting attacked or forced to having sex+stranger = rape) gets cloudy because of events that happen. (girl+party+too much alcohol+someone you know or don't know+waking up not remembering what happened the night before must = rape). Regretting your decision of sleeping with someone doesn't mean rape. Statistically police believe women over men. What's the truth? It's a grey issue because who do you believe, the guy or the girl?

[DateSafeProject]

@svuchick1 Regretting a sexual decision alone is not rape of any kind (again proving the word "Grey Rape" is an incorrect reference) AND proving how misleading a term like "Grey Rape" is in our society. Someone engaging in sexual activity with a drunk person IS sexual assault (not confusing and not "grey rape").