One time I had an interesting question from a monogamous woman: What would I do if my ex which I still have contact with gets in hospital and I am with her (The woman asking the question). What would I do.
She was very surprised that I would ask her to come to my ex girlfriend in the hospital so we both can support the ill friend.
Back then I even did not realize that I was poly, I never heard the word and was brainwashed that monogamy was the only thing possible.
Primary/secondary can actually be very dynamic. One example could be you go on holiday and during that time you have another primary partner during that time, when you get home they revert to tertionary partner.
I get what you are saying, it just is not attractive to me. Good luck with it yourself. You called living with them "an adventure", maybe because of their bi-polarness, not polyamory, but I don't want adventure in a relationship. As for "roommates" I want more than judging it by living together harmoniously. I want exclusivity. You may not want that, I do.
Our living arrangements are based on being able to live together harmoniously, as are anyone's, I assume you didn't choose your wife/gf because she annoys you and you can't stand living with her. I never said that's how I choose my partners, nor that we are ONLY roommates, only that making rational decisions makes for a more pleasant living environment.
Your statement implied that your relationship was somehow 'more' than mine.
Say you had a 100 "primaries" as you call them. Could you really be as close to each one of them as you could be to your two current "primaries"? If not, why not? If honest, I expect you would say that is just too many to have time to be as close as you are to your current primaries. For me, 2 is too many to have tme to be as close. You may be different than me.
Nobody is telling you to change, my video was only to answer people who ask how I do it. Had you originally said you personally prefer monogamy I wouldn't have taken issue with it. And I don't imagine there is anyone that wouldn't find it offensive to be told their loved ones are nothing more than roommates. You may not have intended either but that's how it came across. We can debate logistics if you want but judging someone else's relationships or lifestyle is only ever going to start fights.
The roommate comment was from the video. I may not have understood you correctly, but you used the word, one I never would use with a spouse. I don't think I used the "nothing more than" line though.
I guess my real question for you is, what is the maximum number of "primaries" you could ever have and still be close enough with each one to be called a primary? Is it 2 like you have now? More? 100? Obviously different people may draw that line at different spots. So what is your maximum?
I have no idea what my maximum would be. How many children can you have and still be close enough with them to consider them your children? Let me ask you this, what percentage of your time do you actually spend with your wife(when you're not at work or out with friends)? How much of that is quality alone time(not counting running errands, kids/friends around, watching tv, etc.)? I'll bet it's not much, so apparently it doesn't actually take that much time to be close to a primary partner.
How many children can you have and still be close enough with them to consider them your children?"
I think about four would be the most I could do a good job with unless they were spaced far apart.
"what percentage of your time do you actually spend with your wife(when you're not at work or out with friends)?"
I spend quite a bit of that time with her and I think it is quality time. Even TV can be quality time as we both enjoy commenting back and forth on the show at commercials.
Well it's like anything else, if your mind is stuck in a certain way of thinking, you will fight to the death to keep that belief system alive. It's amazing how one can have example after example of having more than one loving relationship in their life, but the act of sticking one's penis in a women's vigina, or what ever the sexual act may be, makes it totally impossible to form a intimate connection with more than one. Exclusiveness is cool, I like poly a HELL of a lot better.
@MaconWall To each his own. I like having a special "single" relationship with my mother. If I had multiple mothers, I wouldn't like that. Some things are meant to be multiple, some single. For me matrimony should be singular. I don't have problems with someone else who wants to live differently. I know quite a few "singles" and some of them are celibate. They don't like people around them very much. I don't have a problem with those guys, who have no partners, nor with someone who has many.
@BattleshipTx Point taken. Then again, if you actually grew up in a situation where a number of women care for you, and treated you like a son, you might find it pretty cool.
One time I had an interesting question from a monogamous woman: What would I do if my ex which I still have contact with gets in hospital and I am with her (The woman asking the question). What would I do.
She was very surprised that I would ask her to come to my ex girlfriend in the hospital so we both can support the ill friend.
Back then I even did not realize that I was poly, I never heard the word and was brainwashed that monogamy was the only thing possible.
obaeyens 1 year ago
Primary/secondary can actually be very dynamic. One example could be you go on holiday and during that time you have another primary partner during that time, when you get home they revert to tertionary partner.
obaeyens 1 year ago
I still think monogamy is best. I don't need the "adventure". I want to be more than roommates.
BattleshipTx 2 years ago
Wow did you not get the video at all.
FlyingFree333 2 years ago
I get what you are saying, it just is not attractive to me. Good luck with it yourself. You called living with them "an adventure", maybe because of their bi-polarness, not polyamory, but I don't want adventure in a relationship. As for "roommates" I want more than judging it by living together harmoniously. I want exclusivity. You may not want that, I do.
BattleshipTx 2 years ago
The adventure was the bipolar, as I stated.
Our living arrangements are based on being able to live together harmoniously, as are anyone's, I assume you didn't choose your wife/gf because she annoys you and you can't stand living with her. I never said that's how I choose my partners, nor that we are ONLY roommates, only that making rational decisions makes for a more pleasant living environment.
Your statement implied that your relationship was somehow 'more' than mine.
FlyingFree333 2 years ago
Say you had a 100 "primaries" as you call them. Could you really be as close to each one of them as you could be to your two current "primaries"? If not, why not? If honest, I expect you would say that is just too many to have time to be as close as you are to your current primaries. For me, 2 is too many to have tme to be as close. You may be different than me.
BattleshipTx 2 years ago
Nobody is telling you to change, my video was only to answer people who ask how I do it. Had you originally said you personally prefer monogamy I wouldn't have taken issue with it. And I don't imagine there is anyone that wouldn't find it offensive to be told their loved ones are nothing more than roommates. You may not have intended either but that's how it came across. We can debate logistics if you want but judging someone else's relationships or lifestyle is only ever going to start fights.
FlyingFree333 2 years ago
The roommate comment was from the video. I may not have understood you correctly, but you used the word, one I never would use with a spouse. I don't think I used the "nothing more than" line though.
I guess my real question for you is, what is the maximum number of "primaries" you could ever have and still be close enough with each one to be called a primary? Is it 2 like you have now? More? 100? Obviously different people may draw that line at different spots. So what is your maximum?
BattleshipTx 2 years ago
I have no idea what my maximum would be. How many children can you have and still be close enough with them to consider them your children? Let me ask you this, what percentage of your time do you actually spend with your wife(when you're not at work or out with friends)? How much of that is quality alone time(not counting running errands, kids/friends around, watching tv, etc.)? I'll bet it's not much, so apparently it doesn't actually take that much time to be close to a primary partner.
FlyingFree333 2 years ago
This has been flagged as spam show
How many children can you have and still be close enough with them to consider them your children?"
I think about four would be the most I could do a good job with unless they were spaced far apart.
"what percentage of your time do you actually spend with your wife(when you're not at work or out with friends)?"
I spend quite a bit of that time with her and I think it is quality time. Even TV can be quality time as we both enjoy commenting back and forth on the show at commercials.
BattleshipTx 2 years ago
@BattleshipTx
Well it's like anything else, if your mind is stuck in a certain way of thinking, you will fight to the death to keep that belief system alive. It's amazing how one can have example after example of having more than one loving relationship in their life, but the act of sticking one's penis in a women's vigina, or what ever the sexual act may be, makes it totally impossible to form a intimate connection with more than one. Exclusiveness is cool, I like poly a HELL of a lot better.
MaconWall 1 year ago
@MaconWall To each his own. I like having a special "single" relationship with my mother. If I had multiple mothers, I wouldn't like that. Some things are meant to be multiple, some single. For me matrimony should be singular. I don't have problems with someone else who wants to live differently. I know quite a few "singles" and some of them are celibate. They don't like people around them very much. I don't have a problem with those guys, who have no partners, nor with someone who has many.
BattleshipTx 1 year ago
@BattleshipTx Point taken. Then again, if you actually grew up in a situation where a number of women care for you, and treated you like a son, you might find it pretty cool.
MaconWall 1 year ago