Facebook Increases User Control With New 'Cancel Account' Feature

[bapthiser]

HOTTIE

[bw13187]

"A grandpa reports there's more ginger ale in the garage" OMG so true, grandpas report that all the time

[C4truth]

Where is that liability waver!?1?

[sommmmm1]

that fb marketing chick...dyammmm

[RoxyTocin62210]

That is the most adorable little girl ><

[bloodySunday77]

I have an urgent need of Jill to show me how to delete my FB account.

[CrazyForCooCooPuffs]

Cleve-land

[aFinnsTheory]

@Beowaffle It remains broken because socialism is the best option.

[TheXnaut]

Well, ...where that attached liability waiver? I checked the description and everything..

[chrispalasz]

wow... Jill Mckleroy is hot.



[slipandbleed]

Thank you onion! I forgot where i put the ginger-ale.

[guitarmatt94]

onion in review is so lame compared to the full length videos they used to do..come on onion.

[BryceThomaggity]

If you've ever been to Winnemucca, having no extra appendages automatically makes you better.

[jameskennedy80]

hey that Facebook girl is hot!

[TheYouwontgetit]

if i had a facebook account, i would delete it like tomorrow...

[SuperWarking]

@TheYouwontgetit Fuck man. Stop fucking trolling on all these onion videos making retarded comments. Go do that shit on Friendster.

[TheYouwontgetit]

@SuperWarking ...who the fuck is friendster... ..also that was like a half a year ago you child ass rapist...!!!

[SuperWarking]

@TheYouwontgetit Friendster more or less was a beta version of FB in my opinion. Child ass rapist? Seriously? Now you and I both know you can do better than that. Classy insult though.

[TheYouwontgetit]

@SuperWarking ...i don't use either preteen boy asshole licker...

[FirstPistolSammy]

GINGER ALE

[MissLucyBoomer]

I think I'm gona go delete my Facebook now

[Deliverance02x]

@MissLucyBoomer Can you mow my lawn in Farmville first?

[XrayXD22]

@ 0:12 omg, i love Canada Dry! :DDD and i loved the job creator part lol

[bobscanfly]

Jill McKleroy

[AtibbsSPARTAN]

I've met bags of potatoes with more charisma than john huntsman 

[DavidCasper]

Good heavens. "Jill McKleroy," whatever her real name is, is a very attractive woman.

That is all.

[Prinzmetal49]

Abused by America! The World has been heard!

[Naddig74]

I feel a sense of delicious irony as I share this video to my facebook profile...

[bush0165]

I have to wonder how the Onion may have permanently changed that cute little girl's worldview forever

[takatakatang]

@bush0165 oh come on are you serious? she is a child, not a robot. kids process information, they don't mindlessly regurgitate everything. kids are impressionable and malleable, but one-liners for comedy videos on youtube are a drop in the bucket compared to love and guidance (or lack thereof) from family and community.

[seanThree16]

Knocked up in 6 years, crazy for the rest of her life. Depression.

[Wolfman7870]

I cancelled my facebook account a few months ago, then I signed back in for shits and giggles the other day and everything was still there. Seems you can't really quit.

[595o]

@Wolfman7870 You can close it and you can delete it, one is made rather simple to the user, the other not.

[Ojoe2010]

I never started a facebook-account in the first place. Who needs that 'hey-look-at-my-pointless-life­-thing' anyway?

[squeezeslemons]

@Ojoe2010 attention whores.

[anonymousman555]

@Ojoe2010 Neither have I my friend. What I do is go on YouTube to tell people how smart or stupid they are, mostly on Onion videos.

[lcowles]

@Ojoe2010 HEY......I just had a tuna fish sandwich. I think I'll take a picture of it and share it with the world! LOLOLOL 

[Permacrusher]

@Ojoe2010 The CIA needs it. Desperately. They tend to obsess over pointless things, like trying to make capitalism work.

[Beowaffle]

@Permacrusher Capitalism is broken until you consider the alternatives.

[awesomeman372]

@Ojoe2010 Why do that when you can just tell people about it youtube comments, amirite?



[pRaIrVkEoRur]

Guys I can't find my liability waiver.

[shadowC10ne]

There is delete account feature in facebook but they keep your information to serve their cia overlords.

[salamisumo2]

More accurate than MSNBullshit...

[rm688]

facebook "cancel account" feature, the most revolutionary feature to date.....for facebook that is.

[Mcheetah]

Too bad that little girl will peak at 18, and then get knocked up by the high school quarterback and go on to live a life of sadness and longing for the days of high school, again.

Enjoy it while it lasts, kiddo!

[hewhoeatsburritos]

@Mcheetah 0.0 ............



[BanjoThreeies]

At least it wasnt the greased up, deaf guy again.

[iamcoolstephen1234]

...including Gary, Cleve-land...

lol

[tctheunbeliever]

Future archaeologists will have to dig through the "blue layer" of Wal-Mart bags to find the ruins of our civilization.

[shaolinwolfjam]

Stop naming the cows. Lol

[culwin]

Let's unearth the ancient job creators and clone them

[discojoe3]

Whoever writes these should bother to learn basic economics before making pretentious witticisms about things they don't understand.

[Wasp16mm]

"Ancient Race of Job Creators" is the onion doing real news now?!

[Morahman7vnNo2]

Aww, such a cute little slut.

[iannetta11]

Natural-born citizen: There is general agreement that the term encompasses, as a minimum, anyone born on U.S. soil to U.S. citizen parents. Most scholars and politicians currently agree that the term includes those born on U.S. soil, as well as those born to U.S. citizen parents regardless of place of birth.

[geradical]

Jill is mad hawt!!! and FUCK FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!

The little girl is developing from cute mode to bitch mode. They grow up so fast.

[TomAwesome39]

i live in Cleve-land

[tubes69]

That little girl made me shoot milk out of my nose...

and I wasn't even drinking milk...

[Simpl1c1ty]

The Onion has had some good episodes recently, keep it up.

[daggerGforcefahrer]

i actually searched for the attached questionnaire...

[YooToobCanSuckIt]

unironically want that cancel account feature

[Audhumla]

please stop naming them

[unlessitsafarm]

@Audhumla BLANCHETTE. ROCHESTOR. JAMES.

[DSxTaels]

She's hot.

[zzyzx0788]

Cleva-land hahaha

[AceTrax2007]

This was full of win.

[HCSR2]

So, that tell-all book is a joke? Because it sounds like something Obama would do.

[jeanismohamed]

@HCSR2 I find it sad you had to ask...

[HCSR2]

@jeanismohamed

The point <---

Your head <---

[jeanismohamed]

@HCSR2 I honestly don't get what you're trying to say... I'm missing the point? The point is you're an idiot because you think the Onion news is real.

Logic <---

Your head <---

[HCSR2]

@jeanismohamed I don't think it is real. Once again, the point is way over your head. Don't lash out because you don't get it.

[jeanismohamed]

@HCSR2 Or maybe I'm laughing at you because of the way you chose to say your "point". Could you clarify it please? I'd be nice if you could just say it without having to ask stupid questions.

[HCSR2]

@jeanismohamed

I don't think you should be watching the Onion.

I was implying sarcastically that Obama is un-american by saying the book's existence is likely due to it's theme.

You really shouldn't be watching the Onion.

[jeanismohamed]

@HCSR2 and why not? read my first reply again... "maybe I'm laughing at you because of the way you chose to say your "point"."

not a smart one are you?

[HCSR2]

@jeanismohamed You are trying too hard.

Let's see, everything you've wrote was assuming my comment was entirely serious. You were not laughing at how a point was made, because you did not even understand said point. Deal with the fact you did not get a joke on the same vein as the Onion's humor.

You are acting defensive, constantly changing what you say, and lashing out because you did not understand something. That's ignorant at most and insecure at best.

Now stop acting like a child and deal.

[ryantheleach]

ლ(ಠ益ಠლ) ONION Y U NO GIVE US FORM TO SEND TO WEB ADDRESS INSTEAD OF VALID EMAIL... ლ(ಠ益ಠლ)

[jeremyshambles]

the ginger ale and cat sitting bits were bloody spot on, onion, cheers to your writers...

[kiddingme01]

The ONION used to be a spoof of the news...what happened here?

[jauffRINDIR]

@kiddingme01 they spoof general idiocy now

[BaconSizzle48]

There are some pretty serious messages in this

[phaddil]

Make an exclusive 'Jill McKleroy' interview!!! We need to know more about her cute mole (it should have its own Facebook page). Who's with me?!

[arishatkin]

wheres the waiver?

[UFOJockey]

I would name them all too

[lejdcool]

1:40 master race female, asian/white, oh god help me

[ViLeDeth]

@lejdcool You mean the blonde Mexican chick?

[master0675]

ancient race of job creators LOL

[GenocidalEdge]

I deleted my fagbook account last year.

I have zero regret.

[MrRookie26]

@GenocidalEdge lololololl you have no friends or what?

[tomthefunky]

I've never once saw an Onion video slamming Obongo. Such kid gloves concerning him. I imagine the Onion offices filled with bearded, thirty-something metrosexual hipster douchebags pretending they're anti-establishment, when in fact, they are water carriers for the ObamaCommies in Washington. Barry the Bolshie could kill his wife and the Onion would cover for him. Pathetic.

[squeezeslemons]

Facebook doesn't have a "cancel account" feature? seriously? lol....

[kozychik]

@squeezeslemons I opened a FaceBook account inadvertently just to see some group pictures. It took me a year to figure out how to close it. Never Again.

[LastNickNameOnEarth]

Thats B.S.

Obama reads his own audio books, and does pretty good job at it.

[passivepower]

This can't be real?

[barakameek]

yet again, so good.

[DASBOOTnDASPOO]

the john huntsman part was the best

[shafta99]

good one. lol

[NobodysOffTheHook]

ROFL

[TheRepublicOfUngeria]

Facebook, you need to get with the times. Google has a social network that allows you to quickly shut down the account of any user if they piss you off, it's called YouTube.

[zzyzx0788]

@TheRepublicOfUngeria Dude fuck you, Youtube is awesome. I'm going to report you right now

[anonymousman555]

@jake546213 I trust the Onion more than any media company.

[appleormac]

What is a clothes line line?

[1penydragon]

@appleormac Exactly.

[barakameek]

@appleormac really you dont know , or trolling? (its a place to hang your clothes to dry.)

[raptors11111]

Lol slaughterhouse worker told to stop naming them

[SubconsciousGatherer]

1:37 Nice cold sore, honey.

[dink65]

@SubconsciousGatherer - She works for FACESORE.

[Judojack5]

hoooo dayumnn that Facebook girl is a fox

[DreamwaIker]

ancient race of job creators lol

[Psykomancer]

Soooo... anybody want me to watch their cat?

[StopmeatGoveg]

At least Pitt's burg still has a football team - the Steel Oars.

[hammer326]

@StopmeatGoveg named after a product procured by the ancient civilization of long past that lived in Pitts-burg

[LoveMurderinSnitches]

TheOnion, step up your game. I just seen some religious zealot, anti-abortion jack-off say that a embryo is the same thing as a grown man on AP. You used to be able to tell the difference between parody news, and actual news. You really can't anymore..

[TheTramsen]

little girl, hop into my van, there's lots of candy waiting for you at my place. Why don't you join me?

[dorkydevil]

I wish this was the real news.

[Turtleman7007]

Recent studies show the Job creators may have migrated to various tropical islands leaving their people bewildered and dying

[Zdk15]

I'll be damned. That cute little girl IS better than uncute girls!

[kainniak1]

@Zdk15 she does feel better if you know what i mean ;)

[quidnick]

Ron Paul is the Obi Wan Kenobi of the GOP.

[SoccerDudeACW]

i cant find the attached liability waiver

[alwaystextback]

I love these so much!

[WigglyMalmsteam]

I laughed out loud at "ancient race of job creators".

[GordonFreeMANness]

@WigglyMalmsteam Same shit.

[plot000000]

little girl, call me in 10 years

[uJellie]

@plot000000 There is just something that sounds a little pedophile..ly about that.

[plot000000]

@uJellie yeah i debated on whether or not to say it, but it's all good. it's just predicting the future, like looking at the girlfriend's mom to see what she'll look like down the road.

[deesince1985]

Lmmfao

[DarkPanthera]

@neopato thats what the Onion is making fun of- the fact that NOBODY can really delete their facebook account, which is facebook being way too controlling ad disrespectful :)

[Doctalen]

You could always delete your account though. Not something to satire

[Shott133]

Now where is that waiver....

*searches*

[1schwererziehbar1]

the lost civilization bit is the best.

[OpusOneTwoFive]

@neopato that's the point of the joke

[AlgeBrad3000]

Pretty sure Obama is abusing us... I'd like a divorce...

[VitaNuovaRevolution]

ahaha, that eight year old girl is adorable!

[jeb31415]

I think this is the best Onion Review ever.

[SagaciousSilence]

Pitt's Burg sounds interesting. I might go there some day. I love ancient archeological sites!

[fuckoverload]

5. Balance. (7)+2.

[TrolleyPower]

1:40 She's hot.

[rolandroiroi]

wow amazing! gotta love the new facebook. i might try that latest feature. i really love facebook

[KyIernuva135Clone]

On the Facebook part did the woman have minecraft on her desktop?

[TheIr0nMike]

@KyIernuva135Clone No

[ureyesrbleeding1]

They lied! I can't find the new feature for facebook!

[Deadmansparty2002]

Thank god Facebook implemented that feature. :)

[hoosierhiver]

A+

[theonlylolking]

If you take any news station, fox, cnn, msnbc, etc... seriously then you are dumb. Only smart people know that the onion is telling the truth.

[FreddoX1]

I really liked their "archaeology" segment because its true and people should be horrified by it. Jobs are down to the service sector, more and more people have to qualify themselves to get a job nowadays. It used to only take for you to be born, raised and then the industry could provide you a job, a job which could pay for your house, your car and take care of your family.

[Razvan2smart]

OK I know I'm overstating the obvious, but COME ON! Anyone knows how to delete their Facebook account! They just don't want to!

[1jim3bob]

but...but...this sounds legit! T_T

[OgreMECH]

Obama's narrator sounds like Reagan!

[dinodragster]

That little girl is gonna be very beautiful when she's grown up.

[adam145]

I'm sure that in the next News Report that little girl will be fighting with obesity already.

[ProNorden]

At 01:01 ... 'Archeologists Uncover an Ancient Race of Job Creators' ... funny, ...but way to close to the truth.

[Hasteroth]

@ProNorden Well The Onion IS a social satire

[3martijns]

obama needs to tell the World how Much he Hates the USA.

[VideoNewZ9]

we should make that little girls clip go viral

[MahdiRanger]

Cleve-Land

Pitts-Burg

HAHAHA

[roaringbee]

Pah... paid workers?

[zythepsarian]

ilu onion

[youwise8D]

missing today now :*/q2wsae

[ddspadoni]

that girl is very pretty!... oh god I mean the blonde one who's age appropriate

[Dragonicafan]

you already can cancel your account ;)

[Imagineim]

@Dragonicafan Psssh! That's what they want you to think...

[SilasWolfe]

@Dragonicafan If you manage to wade through the bullshit to find the *actual* "deactivation" feature, you must log out of it completely and entirely and not use any Facebook connectivity features in any program or on any website for no less than 14 days. If you can do this without accidentally accessing any connectivity features anywhere, they will make your page unavailable to anyone. Except themselves. It along with all your photos and info will remain in their archives.

[alex134219]

@Dragonicafan can you really? answer no

[TheOlderLady]

I'm not signing your damn waiver. I'm calling my lawyer.

[housecry]

It's like watching a little Grace Helbig. You've been hazed!

[defect530]

i haven't used face book in 6 months. i'm to lazy to download my pictures before deleting my account. maybe i'll do that today.

[mrs1man]

what waiver? I WILL FILL IT OUT :)