George Carlin - Red Lights, Cops, and Tickets

[ResuEmanA]

Love to see someone try this... Pigs would then come raid your house on suspicion of drugs, shoot your dog, cage you like an animal, put your "INNOCENT til proven guilty" ass in a cold box as long as possible. No phone call to tell your work you've been arrested under false allegations to keep you from losing your job and life. Your family only finding out where you are because they called the same Nazis to report a kidnapping, done by the same pigs you have to call to report this bullshit.

[TheAntihero1313]

You asshole in a hat!

[raeven1212]

That's my motto in traffic, cop didn't see it, I didn't do it

[bcmaledragon]

You asshole in a hat...Hey dont I pay your salary...LOL.

[786Raish]

...say "FUCK YOU and YOUR TICKET TOO!"

[BuffaloTPU]

I got a ticket today and I thought of this...

[garci2k2]

"YOU ASSHOLE......IN A HAT!"

[LiberatedMind1]

@chinopisces what the fuck are those

[chinopisces]

@LiberatedMind1: Ask gay boy over there. He knows. He even owns a purple one.

[LiberatedMind1]

@33niggerkiller lmfao

[LiberatedMind1]

Funny but id rather not die in a horrific car crash so I always STOP

[TheLockon00]

@LiberatedMind1 I stop at the green lights, because my brother might be coming the other way.

[rambadibow]

I guess back then they didn't have those fucking cameras that take your picture when you run a red light.

Oh technology, you feel so good, but you hurt so bad.

[Xylogeist]

This was before they implemented red light cameras :(

[SebAnders]

@chinopisces So would I.

[xprohitman21x]

I did that once... Finally out! Jk

[peruspaski]

alpha as fuck.

[malechauvinistxy]

its just a joke..dont actually do this..lol

[yeaiskateduh]

I tell the cops I prepaid all my tickets every April 15

[TheAmazeingAnarchist]

new motto.

[sadchazz]

i pass redlight most of the time it useless lol

[szqsk8]

"You're a public servant, get me a glass of water!". LOL!

RIP George -3

[Crazyjedi2]

And I'm like, fuck you and your, ticket too.

[gd44]

Cops didn't see it? I didn't do it.

[pillangostar100]

And it's surprising how many stupid people take it seriously all over the world.

[therandomdot]

In some of Carlin's bits, it's hard to tell if he's serious or playing Devil's Advocate. And even then, you have to wonder if some stupid people hearing him will take it ALL seriously anyways.

[TedEdFred21]

what's up with the woman at 3:40 who looks like she's jerkin off a ghost?

[TyromeBigums]

the 10 dislikes are cops

[Kiingof305]

lol i would do this in the memory of George Carlin



[ilovetogofast88]

What WAS Carlin doing in New Jersey? :)

[sov6rulz]

@ilovetogofast88 Trolling like a boss?

[universeturtle]

6 people got it from someone they didn't want it from

[The4thGuy]

...except from some big guy, YOU DON'T WANT ONE FROM!

[skyscraper54]

"heyy dont i pay your salary?..........your a public servant.....GET ME A GLASS OF WATER" ....*TAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZE*

[hybrid212]

I'm GUUUUN =)

[Morahman7vnNo2]

Boy weren't those the days.

[K20civicsirturbo]

love his car sound effects lol

[tzalwelgaanzeker]

I love how after knowing Carlin for 5 years I can still find stuff of him I haven't seen before :)

[amorning1976]

Cops are assholes.

[knucklebaby1]

@kathryn0200 yea, but you dont put other people in danger by talking,walking, or writing faster

[NsTrainMan07]

"...I only noticed them about a month ago, myself...."

[jenshu7]

^ how to get your ass kicked by the police.

[dzkeko]

@jenshu7 black people shouldnt take this advice

[MrMasonx742]

@dzkeko wen did they ever stop for red lights? or cops?

[vashydana]

@dzkeko HAHA see the Chris Rock Video "How to Not Get your *** Kicked By The Police" HAHA

[AdRafael]

LOL at all those fucking New Jerseyans' fist pumping. Now we know where this phenomenon started.

[TheRealSa1nt]

5 people stopped at a red light

[ELPRESADORisaBEAST]

@TheRealSa1nt ohhh that was fucken original

[firetopman]

can anyone spot the abbot and costello joke?

[ReviewerKid90]

If we did that in todays society. Jail time.

[kathryn0200]

cops are just money collectors. I, being human, am not devoid of the fight or flight reflex. I mean think about it. What do you do when you are in a hurry? You walk faster, talk faster, write faster, ride your bike faster, etc, etc. And it makes no difference when you are driving.

[FiveStarFuhrer]

5 people clicked dislike.

[tomcykcrush10]

If you dislike this you should be dead or have no soul lol

[celticspg30]

What the fuck are those people doing?

[toekneeeyeoweme]

Fuck you and your ticket too, you asshole in a hat...

[TheloniousKeys781]

I don't think the people in the video get that his digression meant that he was never serious about the entire situation.

[samfilmkid]

this is my personal favorite of his shows, because it was a perfect balance of silliness and his "fight the bullshit" persona

[oaklandrmoss18]

@songsong4us I dont think that would be what he would want but who knows

[arctyler]

5 people took his advice

[mark51397]

@arctyler shit, another 7 also did

[Hargaanti]

@arctyler

i dislike this cause we need rules a fool will drive red light

[NormacHC]

@arctyler 14 people took his advice.

[MrGoodNKinky]

5 people had conjugal visits from some big guy they didn't want one from!

[Konicava]

5 bastards have bad mileage.

[rocaho001]

@songsong4us How do you put a whistle on a gravestone? :|

[rachel25lee]

songsong4us, Dude, that would be frickin' epic.

[rachel25lee]

If you're suicidal, do this. Do iiiiiiiiiiiit.

[bigkdrman1]

I thought this was hilarious and I'm an ex-cop.

[rocaho001]

@bigkdrman1 LOL :D why ex?

[bigkdrman1]

@rocaho001 Decided to be a teacher instead.

[rocaho001]

@bigkdrman1 I met an ex cop who decided to be a nurse a few months ago in the ER. She said she changed her mind after some teenage gangbanger shot at her. What made you change your mind? 

[bigkdrman1]

@rocaho001 Nothing as traumatic as that. I was a small town cop dealing with pain in the ass small town politics. I kept my hand in it for awhile after I quit but decided to do what my mother told me to do 30 years ago. Go into teaching.My father is a retired Sheriff's sergeant and I have a brother who is a police chief.

[rocaho001]

@bigkdrman1 why are they a pain in the ass? I live in a small suburban town as well. The police tend to be very aggressive here as they only have one main road to show off on. lol

[bigkdrman1]

@rocaho001 Small rown politicians trying to act like big city politicians. Also thinking they are above the law since they are part of the town council. As for your officers. It may seem like they are aggressive and "Showing off" but they are probably only following orders from their city council to really keep an eye on that stretch of road. I usually don't make a habit of second guessing officers. Call it professional courtesy.

[RhondaEve]

learn how to prepare for a huge ticket in Vegas ...see "las vegas ticket" vid ; )

[MrBodypro8]

Jonathan Winters is one of my favorite comedians but I don't expect anyone to get that. I find few comics today to be really funny. I understand why the above routine is supposed to be funny and why some may find it funny, I don't. It just doesn't make me laugh.

[sventoby]

@MrBodypro8

congratulations

[MrBodypro8]

I watched him again just in case. Nope, still not funny. He didn't make me laugh. I guess he appeals to a certain type of person. People who get angry when you don't share their perceptions. Each to their own.

[bigmarty11288]

I'm GONE!

[slyjokerg]

@MrBodypro8 there's no accounting for taste. you are in a tiny minority (of brainless dipshits).

[TomsCigReviews]

I saw this whole HBO special, and the audience is a fucking bummer...

[pHr33kAcHu]

@MrBodypro8 You're a cunt and a failed troll.

[Jarhead9101775]

@MrBodypro8 Obvious troll is obvious. Either that or a Dane Cook fan. Carlin is probably one of the greatest of all time besides Pryor .

[BoreyKelew1992]

@Jarhead9101775 To me Richard Pryor is the best story teller, George Carlin is the most influential, Louis C.K. is the funniest, Bill Hicks my personal favorite.. Just something about Bill really grabbed my attention. Just giving my 2 cents..

[slyjokerg]

@BoreyKelew1992 that's a good list, but i wouldn't order them as you do. but an excellent selection. hard to not include eddie murphy from long ago (oh lord jesus christ help me, i'm fallin' down the steps)... chris rock (i know you did it, just admit it) patton oswalt (nick nolte as han solo, "ahh jesus christ chewbacca... go fix the god damn hyper drive...jeez).... worst ever... probably carlos mencia. rita rudner was f'n awful too. i like foul mouthed cunts like lisa lump-a-jelly.

[BoreyKelew1992]

@slyjokerg Lisa is my favorite female comic. I know she sticks to making fun of races.. but she's just real funny to me, not sure why.. I admit. Eddie Murphy yes.. Chris Rock great writer, actor, and comedian, Patton Oswalt (my weakness is strong) made me cry from laughing the first time I watched it.. Also.. I forgot.. Joe Rogan, very very funny comedian. Love his details and imagination.

[slyjokerg]

@BoreyKelew1992 the thing about lampanelli is that she is not actually making fun of people of races or gay people or w/e. she is making fun of the those that actually do that. she is mocking racism, etc... that is why it works and she is so funny. yeah, rogan is pretty good. i like that he keeps it real and doesn't let people push bullshit. stand up comedy is a real skill. some have it, some fake it. although i can't say i never laugh, the "redneck" boys are not that great.

[icannotfly]

this is the worst advice ever haha

[weirdodude550]

GET ME A GLASS OF WATER!

[EasyExpertVillage]

did george carlin loose some weight on stage. cause that sweat shirt is way to big.

[dbuch1000]

imagine his view on red light camras

[lluczz]

we dont have red lights in canada

[peterbouton]

I love it! Don't I pay your salary?! Get me a glass of water! That's the best

[GreenChemicalBoy]

Too easy. Fuck da police!

[DeathnoteBB]

That would be great if some didn't have cameras now :/

[FinallyTheNight]

"My first sexual encounter involving penetration was in junior high school with a college freshman. I didn't know left from right. He showed me how. I've never considered myself bisexual but, this is passé: I have enjoyed the comfort of men from time to time, even during my marriage with Rhonda..." Fr. p. 218 of "Last Words" by George Carlin, paperback, 320 pages (ISBN-10: 1439191107), published by Free Press, reprint ed. (Nov. 2, 2010)

[Shadow78954]

@FinallyTheNight and that is relevant to....?

[MrIWannaLaugh]

he kinda reminds me of my dad. :)

[MrIWannaLaugh]

he kinda reminds me of my dad... XD

[questionablemakings]

Reminds me of my neighbor.

[MrMasonx742]

@StephenColbertRulz i followed his advice it works great lol

[hyouma09]

@MrMasonx742 Well then you're pretty goddamn stupid.

[MrMasonx742]

@hyouma09 or im super smart

[hyouma09]

@MrMasonx742 Or one day the cop will put you in a fuckin slammer LULZ. I love this conversation, it's like doing comedy for the love of god.

[MrMasonx742]

@hyouma09 im sure thats true

[hyouma09]

@MrMasonx742 It is true.

[hyouma09]

@MrMasonx742 It is true.

[NsTrainMan07]

".....DON'T I PAY YOUR SALARY?..."

[NsTrainMan07]

"...tell him you gonna 'check it over for mistakes' .."



[NsTrainMan07]

"...without a "another ticket from the state"..."

[NsTrainMan07]

*PUBLIC

[NsTrainMan07]

PUBLIC

[NsTrainMan07]

"...your a puplic servant ..... get me a glass of water.."

[NsTrainMan07]

"....people are waiting for me at a party.....I got a trunk full of heroun,..."

[NsTrainMan07]

"...BE FIRM!! ....."

[NsTrainMan07]

"....I ONLY NOTICED THEM ABOUT A MONTH AGO MYSELF.....COPS DIDN'T SEE IT I DIDN'T DO IT..."

[NsTrainMan07]

"....FUCK YOU, AND THE TICKET TOO..."

[NsTrainMan07]

"....I didn't see it I didn't do IT!!..."

[nzephier]

i bet carlin had some BADASS road rage when he drove!

[AnalieSkywind]

Goddamn, those sidewalks come in handy,

[windie07]

Every time i hear George Carlin talking I immediately start crackin up!!! lmao

[giodmx313]

3 dislike from cops !!!!

[rimza311]

3 people are assholes in hats

[gujadhurv]

Al Pacino kinda sounds like him here

[kevdoom2]

the three people that disliked this video are "assholes in a hat"

[454ns]

"you're a public servant, get me a glass of water!" lmfao

[weirdodude550]

Get me a glass of water!

[ZebraNeighbor65]

Very true, very true. George Carlin is a riot LMFAO.

[ahhgirl67]

ONE hater? Show yourself!

[yashamoto]

YOU PIN-HEADED PRICK!! 

[JudasAngel666]

LOL Trunk Full of Heroin LMAO

[xmaneater]

Cop didn't see it, I didn't do it!

[whyunofunny]

Fuck you and your ticket to!.........YOU asshole in a hat.

[dolphinspray19]

@whyunofunny George Carlin was THE MAN! Wish he was still with us.

[Xanatos712]

@StephenColbertRulz You mean he was actually joking?! Oh fuck, this is going to cost me...

[CampinCarlos]

00:23 fuck em.

[zeewolsk]

I OWN EVERYTHING GOD DAM IT!

[kjelderen]

xD

[proent]

they take your picture of your license plate now if you run it =\

[PyroSirBrad]

Irony that the person who uploaded this is 911

[zeewolsk]

Fuck you and your ticket too! best part

[DrinkSkateSleep]

@StephenColbertRulz It probably would have been better advice in the 80's.

[madhattermd1]

i love all his sounds.. he reminds me of my grandpa... except my gramps isnt funny. just makes cool sounds...

[Antoniocool86]

I love this man. Genius.

[Foxboy106]

fuck the police

[DjfunkmasterG]

FUCK YOU and YOU'RE TICKET TOO!!!!... LMGDFAO =O)

[ertznay]

George Carlin does not look good in an oversized teal blue jersey. The man is genius, but that shirt is repulsive, it's almost distracting.

[TurquoiseCowboy]

@ertznay Haha yeah, I agree.  It looks like a snuggie

[fashnmama]

GD those sidewalks come in handy don't they?

[allforrock4]

the next person who takes this advise is gonna get his ass tazed. HA!

[cager7]

This should be shown in every Drivers' Ed class in America, very informative.

[2pacisgoDIamOJ]

GET ME A GLASS OF WATER LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOOL!!!!!!!

[DreamsCatcher101]

I never got a ticket but when i do i will taking it all nice and calm and taking it. Then sending the ticket to the real owner of the car.

The DVLA in the UK, not sure about elsewhere

[narutosas007]

and say fuck you and ur ticket too!!didnt expect that LOL

[911Infowarrior]

@narutosas007 You asshole IN A HAT!  lol

[edwinm1]

@911Infowarrior lol hey dont i pay your salary,,,,you're a public servant GET ME A GLASS OF WATER YOU PIN HEADED PRICK!

[Barisax241]

@911Infowarrior Cant you see i have enough garbage on the floor of my car already?

[MrBodypro8]

The camera panned the audience: white, middle class, young people. I guess to them this stuff was cutting edge and outre. Wow! Lipping off a cop!

[SHlTTER]

@narutosas007 i wouldnt have either but you warned me

[786Raish]

The cop didnt see it, I didnt do it! NICE!

[narutosas007]

@786Raish LOL i think i would try that

[suphuwtf]

He will get someone killed with those advice!!!

[italiamom]

hey are'nt you a public servent get me a glass of water lmfao...

[curiouspeopleunite]

I think carlin had the charm and charactor to get away with that without a rodney king style beatdown.

[izkierdizta]

@AlwaysBeKilling Thanks for the tip. Wat if it doesn't work? Gonna keep checkin my grammar?

[ProtestantIRA]

You asshole in a hat!

[izkierdizta]

@AlwaysBeKilling really? so how you know when to use which?

[izkierdizta]

@AlwaysBeKilling No, why?