I would get frustrated with Sub for not really trying to keep the conversation going. When asking about what was said, and he saying, well you should of been there. My response would of been, well I wasn't, so tell me! lol. Is that bad? Idk, I feel since I just found out about my BPD that its almost like I don't know what is "normal" and what isn't.
There are so many responses on here, I like to read them all but my eyes are going cross eyed lol. I didn't really understand separation anxiety, as what you are showing here. I thought it was something different. That in it self is a eye opener for me. I can relate to some of this. For me, having friends over is a way to connect, and if I feel that the person isn't enjoying what we are doing, I like to find something we both enjoy to do together so we can have that bond. cont...
I think I might have BPD, my wife has been going out a lot lately with new friends. Mostly to bars/clubs and I know shes not doing anything, but just going dancing. But I feel everytime just like in this video. Anxious, feeling hopeless, wanting to scream, shaking sometimes, then I can't sleep at all at night sometimes I'm up until 3/4am or until she gets home. Thanks so much for the tips and help.
You are so brave to make these videos! I would die of shame if I had to watch my behaviour, and watching this does make me cringe because I know this scenario very well. And I know very well the painful aftermath, losing friends, then the self-loathing and the confirmation that you are indeed 'bad', then the self-harm. It's a hard cycle to break.
@ipickit So glad to see a comment on this! I am in a BPD therapy group, and we are using Mindfulness. Wow, it's amazing. Relabeling thoughts, non judgement, and using breathing to ground ourselves when we switch 'modes'. BPD is about repeating the same mistakes over and over. Mindfulness, as you say helps to live in the moment and put things in context, and that some things just 'are' and jsut happen and don't reflect on you.
Oh and btw, still I think , based of just this situation that Sebastian is quite a dick here and I wonder why he was even hanging out with you in the first place....
Maybe this is a typical manipulative BPD solution? But I recognise a lot in myself and this is how I would have handled it. Shifting the focus outwards, showing your concern for your friend and in that way closing the gap. The tricky part? When despite all efforts he would still dismiss you. I'd say ok you obvisouly don't want to talk, you're having a bad day , I understand" and try to leave it at that. This way you rationalise away your fear of abandonment. I know it's hard though (2/2)
Bas should have persisted more in his concern for Sebastian, about what was bothering him about his boss instead of trying to focus on the fact that he didn't want to spend the time in the way Bas imagined. He could have said "You seem really bothered by your Boss, tell me what's bothering you". That way he would 1. get the attention he needs but in a more constructive way, 2. get out of his OWN head and mindset and 3. reinforce the friendship with Sebastiaan by showing concern. Win-Win. (1/2)
I think some people with BPD can't stand having people around them that don't give them attention they craving for. And when they don't get that attention, they'll blame the people as if they were devils from the under ground. I have bpd but i know it is very hard for people to give that attention because it's craving 24/7, not as normal people that just need to know sometime that they're OK.
I have bpd and had it since young. I really don't know anything other than my own feelings, but i can try to feel what other feel and that makes everything so much easier. I think that the friend didn't do anything wrong (except saying "dramaqueen and so on). He seemed depressed by his boss. And the bpd-guy just was to self concerned and that annoyed the friend. You can't actually tell somebody to behave when they didn't do anything wrong. The friend was just depressed.
Having said that, I don't want anyone to get the impression that I might have been just playing the victim for sympathy. The person I dated really did have a cruel streak. I stayed as long as I did because he liked to convince me that I was always "overreacting," so I'd spend the whole time trying to feel just peachy about being ignored, or not as good as his other friends. I see the difference now, when I'm tempted to feel anxious about a normal, good person who's truly done nothing wrong.
That "friend," was acting like an abuser I dated for 3 years. I don't know if there is a name for their type of cruelty, but they seem to seek out needy people and delight in feeding on their insecurities. They have a sick fixation about getting people to chase them, but the second you turn your back on them, they come begging. Because I went through that, I would say the friend was in the wrong to start with. Secretive, moody...it all seemed calculated to provoke a desperate response from Bas.
First of all, that friend was a bad friend to begin with. He didn't take him seriously and texted the whole time he was talking to him. The friend should have asked him what was really happening and Sebastian should have said he was feeling left out. He wouldn't need to make a big deal about it. All he should have done was said, next time can you wait to watch something with me. I just want to know what were still cool.
I can't talk for Bas but I have been in that situation allmost right through every relationships. The needy behavior always controls my emotions and forget to think of my partners needs. So selfish is this desease. I understand i should walk away and keep myself amused but the overwhelming fear and erational thoughts physicaly and mentally bound my to get answers. I have tried to get honest but this puts me in a situation of being seen. Then the spiral of anxt takes over, the rong reality check
ive been thinkin about this for awhile.... but yeah... i dont know how i woulda reacted. lately ive been just trying to ignoire it and wait for a few hours or a day and then take a decision from there because i know that in the heat of the action i do alot of crap...
I actually feel sebastian was quite unfair in the beginning too. I get the feeling that zie is passive aggressive, although that could be the borderline within me talking. Like zie wants to get attention but won't express it. I could be projecting, as I sometimes do in situations where I don't know what the other person wants. Sebastian could be more open though, and make an effort of contacting bas, talking to hirs face instead of the phone.
As for bas, zie could confront sebastian, asking for more response or attention. Not demanding it, but perhaps being open about hirs emotions. Putting it out there. Also not taking shit, or apologizing if one doesn't feel one has done anything wrong, just to get back on the other persons good side. Boundaries and conflict go hand in hand; being able to express different opinions is important to handle separation anxiety/clinging.
@AvaAvaneDawn wow, maybe you are right about the passive aggressive thing (sebastian). I hadn't even thought of that. Which is weird of course since i created this video myself. Thank you!
this video is me, completely. I have borderline,anxiety,and ptsd, and sep.anxiety. i just want to know if you feel this way alot, like is it gunna be like this for the rest of my life? im pretty educated on what i have been diagnosed with, but i just cant comprehend that the rest of my life will be like this.
Wow...I identify with this video a lot! I feel like that with my friends too!
I don't think that Bas was that aggressive to actually manage to drive someone -who really cares- away...I think that Sebastian is a bit indifferent, rude or too busy anyway. People with separation anxiety tend to be attracted by people who don't really pay attention to their feelings (they just want to hang out for example). I agree with the other comments: finding yourself is the important thing!
First of all, you are a fantastic actor...FOR REAL!!! And second, I really don't know how I would have responded differently. I had to laugh at the situation because it reminded me of exactly how I would react.....BUT it was also VERY interesting to have you explain why I think that way and what the reality of the situation actually was. I'll try to keep this in mind the next time a similar situation comes up. LOOOOVE YOU BAS!!!!!!!!!
@AtarasBlog Thanks for the comment. Feels like it has to be everything or nothing. Must be difficult to deal with that anxiety. Hope you'll be able to find the 'grey area' in your life. All the best!
Its funny how I see myself in this video. I have to question myself and my perceptions because when I feel rejected, or like someone does not like my anymore, the feelings become very generalized and I feel as though everyone hates me. Yet sometimes when I feel good, it as though everyone wants to be my friend. All it takes is the wrong facial expression/body language/or tone of voice for me to get really upset and feel as though people hate me. I am coming to the conclusion that I may have BPD.
@RapidCycling07 That is not the only reason why I think i might have Borderline Personality Disorder...there are more reasons but i will not bore u with that...i used to think i was Bipolar type 2, but i am not so sure anymore
@MeAndMyBlackTable I haven't had the best experiences with Psychiatrists and Psychologists. It seems like the best help I get comes from speaking with individuals who had similar issues as myself in the past but then recovered or at least made improvements. It might be because they can relate better to me. That is why I am a big fan of your videos.
(2) So then Bas needs to maybe before he says something he regrets, ask his friend if he wants a drink (maybe at the point after the DVD situation) and then whether Seb wants a drink or not, go out of the room and get himself one. Then he may've calmed down and can tell himself that Sebastian is allowed to have other friends and that he doesn't wanna scare him off! It's really not an easy situation though..and it does take practice as I'm sure you know. You are lovely! xx
Ok, about the video, lol. Yeah, learning to trust on your qualities as a friend is indeed very important. Otherwise friendships will never really work. But it's so SO hard. But once it works out a bit, i know from my own experiences, the strength that you feel can be fantastic!
Hey lovely! We're baaack! Anyway to the video: Oh wow this is every second of every relationship I've ever had and a good part of the one I'm in. I'm Bas and Danielle is Sebastian. Now I'm a bit better but only the past 6-12 months I think. Anyway great video! Gah I'm all over the place in my comment. I would never've known what to do before but now I think he needs to tell himself to relax. And calm. Because his friend likes him or else he wouldn't be there with him. He would be with Caroline.
I suppose, when Bas found out Sebastien had seen the movie, he could've asked his opinion of it, and then suggested another movie. (ps: lord of the rings, very good choice! Haha). That's all I got :P. I completely related to this actually. I'm like this with my friends, but I've never been diagnosed with bpd separation anxiety, or anything of the sort. Perhaps I'm just insane ;).
I forgot to say how much I enjoyed the piece and also how much I admire what you have done. In reply to this idea of 'mistake', 'not a mistake' is a bit black and white. I think sometimes there is a time lag between continuing to make 'mistakes' and not beating your self up about it. Accept ones crapnes in these situations for a while possibly.
This was totally awesome! You are so talanted. And yeah, you totally nailed what sep. anxiety feels like. I love how colorful the furniture/backrounds are in your videos. Really great video :-)
And it's also true that that some ppl just act rude or distant sometimes. That's not nice. But I should accept that as a given. and go from there. Right?
What would be helpful for Bas to do? I think he should try to become more grounded and find his own self, so that he wouldn't have to be so emotionally dependent on other ppl, if they r not on the same page with him for whatever reason.
Once he can be happy within himself, other ppl will start respecting him more for who he is. And that will make it easier for him to make and keep friends.
That's EXACTLY how me and my bf broke up some time ago. I'm still shocked.
Bas should have just dealt with the fact that Sebastian already watched LOTR 2. He should have maybe tried to think of another friend he could watch it with and not made such a big deal out of it. Sebastian was being a little rude by looking so uninterested in the whole conversation so I think Bas should have gotten up and gone into another room like he had better things to do. He wouldn't have seemed so clingy and Sebastian probably would've gotten the point.
And thanks for your comment! But is that what Bas wanted to do? Gotten up and gone into another room like he had better things to do? ..I personally don't like to 'dance around' too much in a difficult conversation if it isn't necessary. But it is a great way to let off some steam though.
@MeAndMyBlackTable Yeah, I get what you're saying. "Dancing around" probably wouldn't solve anything and might have even made things worse. Unfortunately, that's one of my many flaws. I tend to "dance around" and then set myself up for disappointment when the other person can't read my mind.
this was a great mini movie. very entertaining as well as eye opening. as for Bas, i don't know what he should have done because he did what i would have done. i've been in this exact same scenario & i did just what Bas did here. maybe i would've asked Sebastian if he wanted to even be there with me because it was seeming like he was busy. so i would've been needy & clingy, but when that didn't work i would've been distant & shut down emotionally probably resorting to SI later. maybe...
@PutMe6FeetDeep hhmm doesn't sound so healthy George. You are a great guy. You shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad. Sometimes, it's more than ok to just hang and not worry so much about the other. Sebastiaan was somewhere else with his head and not willing to open up. That can be ok. The world doesn't have to change 'just' because Sebastiaan had a bad day. Maybe getting something to drink and putting on jackass would have done the trick in this case :)
@MeAndMyBlackTable i know. i hear what you're saying. this vid really hit home because i've been there so many times. if i could just shake this feeling of non-worth then maybe things would be different. it's like, when i'm around other people i always feel they'd rather be somewhere else so i'm stuck trying to make them want to be with me even if that means doing something i don't want to do. i don't know if this makes since but it did in my head.
About the double me: I use final cut express (only mac). I recorded myself twice, put them under each other on the (videoprogram) timeline and simply cropped 50% of one of the recordings. If you look closely you see a line in the middle of the screen. That's where the two recordings meet. I forgot about the light from outside while recordiing :)
P.S. and although i personally like very much your role-play video formats, I trust that the best is whatever you prefer and like doing. ... And we won't leave you for sure!
I haven't read the comments and so i might get repeated. Bas would be better off noticing that he didn't like Sebastian's indifference, labelling his automatic thoughts and then- since his friend hadn't asked him to change the channel, continue watching it. ( i of course would have yelled: hey, why are you self-absorbed? I want some sharing, mutuality and attention!).
Whenever something like that happens to me I agonize about it for hours and I imagine that the person hates me and will never want to see me again. It's pretty frustrating. Even when the person isn't cold and rude I still read into everything and worry that they don't like me.
I'm not sure exactly, it seemed like both of them were doing something off in the scene, Sebastian was a little too aloof and not responsive, which would annoy me if the person were my friend.
What Bas should have done different...hmm..
It seemed that once he started complaining about Carolyn it started to go downhill. Maybe he shouldn't have started jumping to conclusions.
Well, I react the same way.. Allthough I rarely react this way with friends I think and more so with boyfriends. In this example I think that the guy with the phone was way to "off" and should have been more active in the conversation somehow, atleast tried.. But Im curious of how to handle a situation like this cuz Im not sure :(
@Chiiiiyo The thing is that you can't change others, but you can change yourself. NOW: it's all about wanting attention from a guy who is busy with his phone and doesn't want to give that attention. He is rude..but also in control..something is wrong with that situation.
It's quite odd (and in ways very comforting) seeing that the way I react sometimes is how someone else also reacts in similar situations. It makes me feel a lot less..weird I guess, so thanks for putting this up. I think what 'Bas' should have done after noticing Seb. wasnt really into the program and looked kinda troubled was to ask if Seb was okay. Maybe it would have sparked a conversation which would bring them closer together and make 'bas' feel needed and important to Seb.
@tostrivetoseek Hmm, there's no way to delete comments. I watched it back and realised 'bas' did ask 'what's wrong?'. My apologies. I agree with Firebird in that by suggesting they get together as a group he isnt trying to restrict Seb. The downside though is if 'Seb' replies with a no, he'd rather keep things seperate. I had experienced this very recently and it just made me feel like he was spending time with others in order to escape from me :(
@tostrivetoseek Hey Grey, but you do have a point. Bas did ask: What's wrong? But Seb didn't really answer the question. He ignored it. Maybe it would have been a good idea to (in a not too direct way, no pressure) ask what was up with his boss and why he was pissing him off.. By simply repeating what he said, but then as a question.
This happens all the time to me!! Sometimes I'm Sebastian, sometimes I'm Bas. It's so hard to get out of yourself and find a balance or to change negative patterns. But I have to tell you that what your doing is amazing. Thank you.
I just need to tell you something, you shouldn't label yourself borderline! Maybe you don't but psychologists sometimes diagnose people borderline and they don't even have it! There is no such thing as a pure personality disorder either.. In the DSM 5, it will be as such.. personality disorder, with BPD,NPD and ASPD traits etc, a whole lot of different traits combine to make a personality disorder, remember you have lots of strong narcissistic qualities too.
@BorderlineMatt This has nothing to do with this video Matt.. I understand what's on your mind (for quite some time now) . And with this comment i'm letting you know: i got the message.
this is a really good way to describe something. this situation is something i can relate to alot an although im not to sure how he should hav reacted differently personally i would hav hone quiet at that point instead of gettin angry in case i said something that would hav upset the other person xx grat vid tho xx
@batonamat098 I think that's the next step :) First you scream and get angry, then you find out that that upsets people, so next time you'll keep quiet... And let it eat you alive, lol. I can really relate to that.
Hi again Bas, would Bas do best to learn to realise that he is getting to trapped by situations like that with Sabastian or any thing else where he is getting caught up by not just getting dragged along. I say this but recognise myself in the character, but as I get older I have been able to detach my self a bit more from negative emotions. But not as much as I would wish to keep my self feeling OK, old patterns I guess.
@stevehaylingisland He needs to learn from his mistakes, form an opinion and express that one next time. He needs to show himself. And stop trying to be Sebastian his shadow.
Well i can understand the, not being to handle these situations, part even more from you after seeing your 'New Years Resolutions tag' video...
Focus on yourself. You are a great person. Try to not only feel this, but eventually.. 'know' this. If you can do that (which takes time) you won't be treated the way Sebastiaan treats Bas anymore.
O.o I was just in a situtation like this last week...thats kind of scary. Anyway, I think Bas could have asked "Well, whats up with you and your boss?". I'm not sure if that would be trying to get into his bisness or anything...man. There are a lot of things that could have been done. But we always ask "What could have we done" after things like this. Good video too! (Golden Rasberry? I think not!)
Even though i may not be afflicted with the disorder, i believe what Bas should have of done was to just take a deep breath as soon as he feels he is getting overwhelmed by the emotion (whether it was anger at caroline, at sebastian or even at himself) and to just tell himself that "its okay to feel this way, its okay to be angry at____" and to just sit there until he can collect himself. i apologise to anyone who may have of been offended by what i have said, i dont know much about sep anxiety
@DJB4R But it's still great advice! Taking your time to 'find yourself again' is a great lesson that can be used in many situations! Thanks for the comment!
Great video Bas!, your use of a story to describe what separation anxiety is like, was really helpful for me to understand what it must be like to live with it
Damn it, Bas, you hit the nail on the head in this vid. This si why I've been trying to research this stuff. This was my ex and I. I was never sure what to do with anything with her. She was always threatened by girls who weren't even intrested and would scratch things off our list of things to do if she found out I did something with someone else. I could go on and on. I had no idea what I should do. The end was inevitable though for us. But from my guilt being unable to help is why I'm here
@MartialArtsSuperStar lol ! One way to look at it! Try to find some kind of understanding or show my balls! jk Guilt is the worst feeling. I was empethetic toward her during then and because of what we were dealing with I had no choice but to do as told for our child's sake. I've experianced what you showed in your vid (the one on the phone texting) and though it can get frustrating having to cater to their needs, you never really understand what hell it is for them until you've gone through it
Great video. I can relate a lot to it, though. :/ I'm not sure if I have separation anxiety but Bas's reactions sound similar to how I act sometimes.
Really good video, though. :) I enjoyed it! I have no idea what Bas should have done, though.... since honestly I probably would've acted in a similar way. :/
@MeAndMyBlackTable Wow, you remembered. haha. It was in Washington, D.C. actually and it was really great. :) I got to work with some really wonderful people. ^_^ And yup, I'm back now, back for my final semester of college!
@Melrudin Ok, sorry, i thought it was in NY, lol. And now your final semester? Sounds like a busy/stressful time.. I wish you good luck!!!! It's such a great feeling when you are done.. Something to keep in mind when you are stressing :)
@MeAndMyBlackTable Yeah, my final semester will be stressful-I'm student teaching and am really nervous about it (though excited at the same time!). I don't want to graduate, though. haha. I'll miss all my friends here. I'm applying to teach in Japan once I graduate, so hopefully, if I get one of those jobs, I'll be more excited about graduating.
Hi Bas, not realy knowing what was happening in his head but just guessing that there was a deepening negative emotional state building up. I could only hope that he has learned to notice when this was happening and to get to know that feeling and beware about what behaviour is likely to result and get some control back ?
@stevehaylingisland Well it's about feelings ofcourse but imho as soon as he starts to depend on Sebastiaan he is so vulnerable and not really able to make decisions for himself anymore. Thanks for your comment Steve! (It's Steve right?)
Bas should realize that people seek other types of relationships to balance their lives. Maybe Bas could have asked Sebastian if he could meet Caroline and watch the third movie together. Then again, that could cause a whole other host of problems. Alas, I'm not too sure.
(2)b. would have the chance to see how s. and caro's relationship is live and wouldnt have to imagine it anymore (which i'm sure his imagination is making things worse than they are)..
then again, s. is a bit of a jerk here so maybe you could have just smacked him round the head for being such an insensitive dick.
i'm sure there are a bunch of solutions here, joking oneself out of such situations works too, at least for me. discussing feelings seeing as the mood is so bad, better later i'd say
well bas (after s. told him about watching part 2 with caroline) could have asked sebastian if he wanted to watch part three some time soon with him AND caroline, all three of them together, once he himself (bas) has gotten around to watching part 2.
that way sebastian might feel like bas accepted his having other friends and feel more comfortable with bas because hes less clingy and s. seems to like his freedom.
@MeAndMyBlackTable Each word there is like gold. You could sell it, and millions of borderlines would come to buy it because it means so. It contributes greatly to fixing the BPDs problem.
This video is awesome, I don't really have anything to add about what I'd do because I am really struggling with these exact situations but I hope that I learn some things from people in the comments, thanks for doing this!
@polaroidcandy Hey Emma, Well the most important thing (imho) is that you keep focussing on yourself. 'We' tend to let the 'other' take control over our thoughts, emotions and actions. thought: EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON THEM! In the past, i was willing to move the earth a bit to the left.. just to make someone smile at me..
Well, I think the most important thing is to not let everything depend on the other person. You are you. And that's important. Otherwise you'll give them all the (unnecessary) 'power'.
I would get frustrated with Sub for not really trying to keep the conversation going. When asking about what was said, and he saying, well you should of been there. My response would of been, well I wasn't, so tell me! lol. Is that bad? Idk, I feel since I just found out about my BPD that its almost like I don't know what is "normal" and what isn't.
raezer 4 days ago
There are so many responses on here, I like to read them all but my eyes are going cross eyed lol. I didn't really understand separation anxiety, as what you are showing here. I thought it was something different. That in it self is a eye opener for me. I can relate to some of this. For me, having friends over is a way to connect, and if I feel that the person isn't enjoying what we are doing, I like to find something we both enjoy to do together so we can have that bond. cont...
raezer 4 days ago
I think I might have BPD, my wife has been going out a lot lately with new friends. Mostly to bars/clubs and I know shes not doing anything, but just going dancing. But I feel everytime just like in this video. Anxious, feeling hopeless, wanting to scream, shaking sometimes, then I can't sleep at all at night sometimes I'm up until 3/4am or until she gets home. Thanks so much for the tips and help.
kwsixpack 1 week ago
You are so brave to make these videos! I would die of shame if I had to watch my behaviour, and watching this does make me cringe because I know this scenario very well. And I know very well the painful aftermath, losing friends, then the self-loathing and the confirmation that you are indeed 'bad', then the self-harm. It's a hard cycle to break.
metaldragon82 2 weeks ago
Aren't self fulfilling prophecies a bitch?
Bas- please look into DBT skills training. Mindfulness takes practice but gives one the priceless freedom from being alone in their own mind.
Being "present in the present" truly prevents unnecessary anxiety and allows one to avoid such self-sabotage.
In closing I'll offer a suggestion.
Do a Google search for Marsha Linehan.
I dig the videos.
Denise
ipickit 1 month ago
@ipickit So glad to see a comment on this! I am in a BPD therapy group, and we are using Mindfulness. Wow, it's amazing. Relabeling thoughts, non judgement, and using breathing to ground ourselves when we switch 'modes'. BPD is about repeating the same mistakes over and over. Mindfulness, as you say helps to live in the moment and put things in context, and that some things just 'are' and jsut happen and don't reflect on you.
metaldragon82 2 weeks ago
After he said dramaqueen he should've simulated busting into tears and girl slapping him.
einbischen 1 month ago
Oh and btw, still I think , based of just this situation that Sebastian is quite a dick here and I wonder why he was even hanging out with you in the first place....
HLGFreeman 1 month ago
Maybe this is a typical manipulative BPD solution? But I recognise a lot in myself and this is how I would have handled it. Shifting the focus outwards, showing your concern for your friend and in that way closing the gap. The tricky part? When despite all efforts he would still dismiss you. I'd say ok you obvisouly don't want to talk, you're having a bad day , I understand" and try to leave it at that. This way you rationalise away your fear of abandonment. I know it's hard though (2/2)
HLGFreeman 1 month ago
Bas should have persisted more in his concern for Sebastian, about what was bothering him about his boss instead of trying to focus on the fact that he didn't want to spend the time in the way Bas imagined. He could have said "You seem really bothered by your Boss, tell me what's bothering you". That way he would 1. get the attention he needs but in a more constructive way, 2. get out of his OWN head and mindset and 3. reinforce the friendship with Sebastiaan by showing concern. Win-Win. (1/2)
HLGFreeman 1 month ago
I think some people with BPD can't stand having people around them that don't give them attention they craving for. And when they don't get that attention, they'll blame the people as if they were devils from the under ground. I have bpd but i know it is very hard for people to give that attention because it's craving 24/7, not as normal people that just need to know sometime that they're OK.
iPusher 2 months ago
I have bpd and had it since young. I really don't know anything other than my own feelings, but i can try to feel what other feel and that makes everything so much easier. I think that the friend didn't do anything wrong (except saying "dramaqueen and so on). He seemed depressed by his boss. And the bpd-guy just was to self concerned and that annoyed the friend. You can't actually tell somebody to behave when they didn't do anything wrong. The friend was just depressed.
iPusher 2 months ago
Having said that, I don't want anyone to get the impression that I might have been just playing the victim for sympathy. The person I dated really did have a cruel streak. I stayed as long as I did because he liked to convince me that I was always "overreacting," so I'd spend the whole time trying to feel just peachy about being ignored, or not as good as his other friends. I see the difference now, when I'm tempted to feel anxious about a normal, good person who's truly done nothing wrong.
Saitoko7 4 months ago
That "friend," was acting like an abuser I dated for 3 years. I don't know if there is a name for their type of cruelty, but they seem to seek out needy people and delight in feeding on their insecurities. They have a sick fixation about getting people to chase them, but the second you turn your back on them, they come begging. Because I went through that, I would say the friend was in the wrong to start with. Secretive, moody...it all seemed calculated to provoke a desperate response from Bas.
Saitoko7 4 months ago
* I just want to know *that*... ooppss. I need spell check.
onlyallegra 4 months ago
First of all, that friend was a bad friend to begin with. He didn't take him seriously and texted the whole time he was talking to him. The friend should have asked him what was really happening and Sebastian should have said he was feeling left out. He wouldn't need to make a big deal about it. All he should have done was said, next time can you wait to watch something with me. I just want to know what were still cool.
onlyallegra 4 months ago
I wish I knew the answers. Lots of reality checks I supose...
sherylans 6 months ago
I can't talk for Bas but I have been in that situation allmost right through every relationships. The needy behavior always controls my emotions and forget to think of my partners needs. So selfish is this desease. I understand i should walk away and keep myself amused but the overwhelming fear and erational thoughts physicaly and mentally bound my to get answers. I have tried to get honest but this puts me in a situation of being seen. Then the spiral of anxt takes over, the rong reality check
sherylans 6 months ago
Comment removed
littleVikaukr 6 months ago
ive been thinkin about this for awhile.... but yeah... i dont know how i woulda reacted. lately ive been just trying to ignoire it and wait for a few hours or a day and then take a decision from there because i know that in the heat of the action i do alot of crap...
Dreadedaries 7 months ago
I actually feel sebastian was quite unfair in the beginning too. I get the feeling that zie is passive aggressive, although that could be the borderline within me talking. Like zie wants to get attention but won't express it. I could be projecting, as I sometimes do in situations where I don't know what the other person wants. Sebastian could be more open though, and make an effort of contacting bas, talking to hirs face instead of the phone.
AvaAvaneDawn 10 months ago
@AvaAvaneDawn
As for bas, zie could confront sebastian, asking for more response or attention. Not demanding it, but perhaps being open about hirs emotions. Putting it out there. Also not taking shit, or apologizing if one doesn't feel one has done anything wrong, just to get back on the other persons good side. Boundaries and conflict go hand in hand; being able to express different opinions is important to handle separation anxiety/clinging.
AvaAvaneDawn 10 months ago
@AvaAvaneDawn wow, maybe you are right about the passive aggressive thing (sebastian). I hadn't even thought of that. Which is weird of course since i created this video myself. Thank you!
MeAndMyBlackTable 10 months ago
this video is me, completely. I have borderline,anxiety,and ptsd, and sep.anxiety. i just want to know if you feel this way alot, like is it gunna be like this for the rest of my life? im pretty educated on what i have been diagnosed with, but i just cant comprehend that the rest of my life will be like this.
weballin717 10 months ago
@weballin717 I don't think that will be your faith. By practicing a lot and getting older it will become easier. I really think so.
MeAndMyBlackTable 10 months ago
this is so wierd. it was like i was watching myself. i don't know what he SHOULD have done, because i would have done the exact same thing :/
somekindamillie 10 months ago
@somekindamillie It's hard, isn't it. I still make so many mistakes myself when i am in such a situation. Hope you are ok.
MeAndMyBlackTable 10 months ago
my fav statement ' like she infected the store and it wll never be the same'..wow never really had words for that feeling.
AnomalyJonez 11 months ago
Wow...I identify with this video a lot! I feel like that with my friends too!
I don't think that Bas was that aggressive to actually manage to drive someone -who really cares- away...I think that Sebastian is a bit indifferent, rude or too busy anyway. People with separation anxiety tend to be attracted by people who don't really pay attention to their feelings (they just want to hang out for example). I agree with the other comments: finding yourself is the important thing!
agrava100 11 months ago
@agrava100 'People with separation anxiety tend to be attracted by people who don't really pay attention to their feelings' that is so true!!
MeAndMyBlackTable 11 months ago
Does this scenario occur in a guy-to-guy friendship?
glo85ria 1 year ago
@glo85ria ? Sorry, i don't understand your question, i think.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
First of all, you are a fantastic actor...FOR REAL!!! And second, I really don't know how I would have responded differently. I had to laugh at the situation because it reminded me of exactly how I would react.....BUT it was also VERY interesting to have you explain why I think that way and what the reality of the situation actually was. I'll try to keep this in mind the next time a similar situation comes up. LOOOOVE YOU BAS!!!!!!!!!
leighannenoelle 1 year ago
@leighannenoelle Hey :D thanks for the sweet comment!! You always make me smile :)
Hope you are having a great day miss canada girl :)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
i also have borderline.
the way i would react would be: i would ask who is this new friend?
and then show i am apset.
i usaully would say straight away that i wanted to see that movie with you.
i would also feel jelous. i always want all my friends to consider me their best friends, if not i usaully don't be friends with them.
i sometimes start to get abandment anziety when my friend says they have to go soon or when i dont know when they are soppossed to go.
i like your video :)
AtarasBlog 1 year ago
@AtarasBlog Thanks for the comment. Feels like it has to be everything or nothing. Must be difficult to deal with that anxiety. Hope you'll be able to find the 'grey area' in your life. All the best!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Its funny how I see myself in this video. I have to question myself and my perceptions because when I feel rejected, or like someone does not like my anymore, the feelings become very generalized and I feel as though everyone hates me. Yet sometimes when I feel good, it as though everyone wants to be my friend. All it takes is the wrong facial expression/body language/or tone of voice for me to get really upset and feel as though people hate me. I am coming to the conclusion that I may have BPD.
RapidCycling07 1 year ago
@RapidCycling07 That is not the only reason why I think i might have Borderline Personality Disorder...there are more reasons but i will not bore u with that...i used to think i was Bipolar type 2, but i am not so sure anymore
RapidCycling07 1 year ago
@RapidCycling07 Hey, thanks for the comment. Must be difficult to be in that situation.. Not knowing what 'it' is etc..
Did you ever consider talking to a professional?
I wish you all the best!!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable I haven't had the best experiences with Psychiatrists and Psychologists. It seems like the best help I get comes from speaking with individuals who had similar issues as myself in the past but then recovered or at least made improvements. It might be because they can relate better to me. That is why I am a big fan of your videos.
RapidCycling07 1 year ago
(2) So then Bas needs to maybe before he says something he regrets, ask his friend if he wants a drink (maybe at the point after the DVD situation) and then whether Seb wants a drink or not, go out of the room and get himself one. Then he may've calmed down and can tell himself that Sebastian is allowed to have other friends and that he doesn't wanna scare him off! It's really not an easy situation though..and it does take practice as I'm sure you know. You are lovely! xx
mentalhealthhelpUK 1 year ago
@mentalhealthhelpUK I'm so glad you are back!! *doing a little dance*
Ok, about the video, lol. Yeah, learning to trust on your qualities as a friend is indeed very important. Otherwise friendships will never really work. But it's so SO hard. But once it works out a bit, i know from my own experiences, the strength that you feel can be fantastic!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable It is so hard but worth it I know :) xx
mentalhealthhelpUK 1 year ago
Hey lovely! We're baaack! Anyway to the video: Oh wow this is every second of every relationship I've ever had and a good part of the one I'm in. I'm Bas and Danielle is Sebastian. Now I'm a bit better but only the past 6-12 months I think. Anyway great video! Gah I'm all over the place in my comment. I would never've known what to do before but now I think he needs to tell himself to relax. And calm. Because his friend likes him or else he wouldn't be there with him. He would be with Caroline.
mentalhealthhelpUK 1 year ago
I suppose, when Bas found out Sebastien had seen the movie, he could've asked his opinion of it, and then suggested another movie. (ps: lord of the rings, very good choice! Haha). That's all I got :P. I completely related to this actually. I'm like this with my friends, but I've never been diagnosed with bpd separation anxiety, or anything of the sort. Perhaps I'm just insane ;).
theladyofshalott16 1 year ago
@theladyofshalott16 Ha ha, nah you're just 'prettig gestoord' as we say in Dutch :)
(means: a bit insane in a good and healthy way, lol)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
I forgot to say how much I enjoyed the piece and also how much I admire what you have done. In reply to this idea of 'mistake', 'not a mistake' is a bit black and white. I think sometimes there is a time lag between continuing to make 'mistakes' and not beating your self up about it. Accept ones crapnes in these situations for a while possibly.
stevehaylingisland 1 year ago
@stevehaylingisland Yeah, i agree with you. I wrote it down a bit short and black&white ..I'm trying to answer all the comments at the moment :)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@Kathrynmovies Hey Kat :)
Thanks. How are you doing today?
STAY STRONG!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
This was totally awesome! You are so talanted. And yeah, you totally nailed what sep. anxiety feels like. I love how colorful the furniture/backrounds are in your videos. Really great video :-)
IrishGingerzRule 1 year ago
@IrishGingerzRule Thanks Leann :) Yeah, your green is my red, lol.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Thanks for another brilliant video.
smertgopam 1 year ago
@smertgopam And thank you for a GREAT comment!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
And it's also true that that some ppl just act rude or distant sometimes. That's not nice. But I should accept that as a given. and go from there. Right?
smertgopam 1 year ago
What would be helpful for Bas to do? I think he should try to become more grounded and find his own self, so that he wouldn't have to be so emotionally dependent on other ppl, if they r not on the same page with him for whatever reason.
Once he can be happy within himself, other ppl will start respecting him more for who he is. And that will make it easier for him to make and keep friends.
That's EXACTLY how me and my bf broke up some time ago. I'm still shocked.
smertgopam 1 year ago
@smertgopam I'm putting it in the description box :)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Bas should have just dealt with the fact that Sebastian already watched LOTR 2. He should have maybe tried to think of another friend he could watch it with and not made such a big deal out of it. Sebastian was being a little rude by looking so uninterested in the whole conversation so I think Bas should have gotten up and gone into another room like he had better things to do. He wouldn't have seemed so clingy and Sebastian probably would've gotten the point.
Your vids are awesome!!
iwantjcslips 1 year ago
@iwantjcslips Thanks Cheryl!
And thanks for your comment! But is that what Bas wanted to do? Gotten up and gone into another room like he had better things to do? ..I personally don't like to 'dance around' too much in a difficult conversation if it isn't necessary. But it is a great way to let off some steam though.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable Yeah, I get what you're saying. "Dancing around" probably wouldn't solve anything and might have even made things worse. Unfortunately, that's one of my many flaws. I tend to "dance around" and then set myself up for disappointment when the other person can't read my mind.
Thanks for responding! :-)
iwantjcslips 1 year ago
this was a great mini movie. very entertaining as well as eye opening. as for Bas, i don't know what he should have done because he did what i would have done. i've been in this exact same scenario & i did just what Bas did here. maybe i would've asked Sebastian if he wanted to even be there with me because it was seeming like he was busy. so i would've been needy & clingy, but when that didn't work i would've been distant & shut down emotionally probably resorting to SI later. maybe...
PutMe6FeetDeep 1 year ago
@PutMe6FeetDeep hhmm doesn't sound so healthy George. You are a great guy. You shouldn't let anyone make you feel bad. Sometimes, it's more than ok to just hang and not worry so much about the other. Sebastiaan was somewhere else with his head and not willing to open up. That can be ok. The world doesn't have to change 'just' because Sebastiaan had a bad day. Maybe getting something to drink and putting on jackass would have done the trick in this case :)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable i know. i hear what you're saying. this vid really hit home because i've been there so many times. if i could just shake this feeling of non-worth then maybe things would be different. it's like, when i'm around other people i always feel they'd rather be somewhere else so i'm stuck trying to make them want to be with me even if that means doing something i don't want to do. i don't know if this makes since but it did in my head.
PutMe6FeetDeep 1 year ago
You made a mini movie!!! ;) And you did a great job of it too.
How did you make two of yourself appear in the same screen? Please teach me.
idranktheseawater 1 year ago
@idranktheseawater Thank you. Yours are fantastic.
About the double me: I use final cut express (only mac). I recorded myself twice, put them under each other on the (videoprogram) timeline and simply cropped 50% of one of the recordings. If you look closely you see a line in the middle of the screen. That's where the two recordings meet. I forgot about the light from outside while recordiing :)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable Thank you Melissa for your comment. I really admire what you do here on YouTube.
And if you ever want to know anything technical just ask because i'm a video/mac nerd :)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
=)
BorderlineMatt 1 year ago
P.S. and although i personally like very much your role-play video formats, I trust that the best is whatever you prefer and like doing. ... And we won't leave you for sure!
kitesInSpace 1 year ago
@kitesInSpace Ha ha! No? You won't LEAVE me? ha ha. Thank you for the other very powerful comment. People need to know about that!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Bas,
I texted Sebastian! ;-)
I haven't read the comments and so i might get repeated. Bas would be better off noticing that he didn't like Sebastian's indifference, labelling his automatic thoughts and then- since his friend hadn't asked him to change the channel, continue watching it. ( i of course would have yelled: hey, why are you self-absorbed? I want some sharing, mutuality and attention!).
kitesInSpace 1 year ago
Whenever something like that happens to me I agonize about it for hours and I imagine that the person hates me and will never want to see me again. It's pretty frustrating. Even when the person isn't cold and rude I still read into everything and worry that they don't like me.
CrystalRainDrop789 1 year ago
@CrystalRainDrop789 I can really relate to what you are saying. ..It's almost like you WANT that person to not like you anymore...
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
I'm not sure exactly, it seemed like both of them were doing something off in the scene, Sebastian was a little too aloof and not responsive, which would annoy me if the person were my friend.
What Bas should have done different...hmm..
It seemed that once he started complaining about Carolyn it started to go downhill. Maybe he shouldn't have started jumping to conclusions.
The outtakes were funny :)
MsDementedArts 1 year ago
@MsDementedArts Thanks, i wish i had more outtakes, lol.
You are kind of right about Carolyn..that's the point where Bas lost his grip on reality and started one of his owns.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Well, I react the same way.. Allthough I rarely react this way with friends I think and more so with boyfriends. In this example I think that the guy with the phone was way to "off" and should have been more active in the conversation somehow, atleast tried.. But Im curious of how to handle a situation like this cuz Im not sure :(
Chiiiiyo 1 year ago
@Chiiiiyo The thing is that you can't change others, but you can change yourself. NOW: it's all about wanting attention from a guy who is busy with his phone and doesn't want to give that attention. He is rude..but also in control..something is wrong with that situation.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
This video was very interesting, I had heard of separation anxiety before but didnt think it was what you portrayed.
I liked the format, the way you did the video and the little out takes bit! xx
MsScarredSoul 1 year ago
@MsScarredSoul :) thanks!! Good to hear that!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
On my mind? What? I'm trying to help you out bud.
BorderlineMatt 1 year ago
@BorderlineMatt I know you are. Don't take my comment the wrong way man.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
It's quite odd (and in ways very comforting) seeing that the way I react sometimes is how someone else also reacts in similar situations. It makes me feel a lot less..weird I guess, so thanks for putting this up. I think what 'Bas' should have done after noticing Seb. wasnt really into the program and looked kinda troubled was to ask if Seb was okay. Maybe it would have sparked a conversation which would bring them closer together and make 'bas' feel needed and important to Seb.
tostrivetoseek 1 year ago
@tostrivetoseek Hmm, there's no way to delete comments. I watched it back and realised 'bas' did ask 'what's wrong?'. My apologies. I agree with Firebird in that by suggesting they get together as a group he isnt trying to restrict Seb. The downside though is if 'Seb' replies with a no, he'd rather keep things seperate. I had experienced this very recently and it just made me feel like he was spending time with others in order to escape from me :(
tostrivetoseek 1 year ago
@tostrivetoseek Hey Grey, but you do have a point. Bas did ask: What's wrong? But Seb didn't really answer the question. He ignored it. Maybe it would have been a good idea to (in a not too direct way, no pressure) ask what was up with his boss and why he was pissing him off.. By simply repeating what he said, but then as a question.
Thanks for the comment!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
This happens all the time to me!! Sometimes I'm Sebastian, sometimes I'm Bas. It's so hard to get out of yourself and find a balance or to change negative patterns. But I have to tell you that what your doing is amazing. Thank you.
jalvmxm 1 year ago
@jalvmxm Thank you!! That's sweet.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
i can also understand why the guy felt as he did, as i still feel like that in situations but i somehow manage to deal with it. no idea how.
nephilimchrist 1 year ago
I just need to tell you something, you shouldn't label yourself borderline! Maybe you don't but psychologists sometimes diagnose people borderline and they don't even have it! There is no such thing as a pure personality disorder either.. In the DSM 5, it will be as such.. personality disorder, with BPD,NPD and ASPD traits etc, a whole lot of different traits combine to make a personality disorder, remember you have lots of strong narcissistic qualities too.
BorderlineMatt 1 year ago
@BorderlineMatt This has nothing to do with this video Matt.. I understand what's on your mind (for quite some time now) . And with this comment i'm letting you know: i got the message.
Have a nice day.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@BorderlineMatt says the one with borderline in his username?
Chiiiiyo 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@Chiiiiyo Lol says what? I haven't said anything negative.
BorderlineMatt 1 year ago
This has been flagged as spam show
@Chiiiiyo Lol, says what? I haven't said anything?
BorderlineMatt 1 year ago
I don't want to be rude. With all due respect, I think he's bpd. What do you mean he shouldn't label himself BPD? He's definitely not a narcissist.
composer63 1 year ago
this is a really good way to describe something. this situation is something i can relate to alot an although im not to sure how he should hav reacted differently personally i would hav hone quiet at that point instead of gettin angry in case i said something that would hav upset the other person xx grat vid tho xx
batonamat098 1 year ago
@batonamat098 I think that's the next step :) First you scream and get angry, then you find out that that upsets people, so next time you'll keep quiet... And let it eat you alive, lol. I can really relate to that.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Hi again Bas, would Bas do best to learn to realise that he is getting to trapped by situations like that with Sabastian or any thing else where he is getting caught up by not just getting dragged along. I say this but recognise myself in the character, but as I get older I have been able to detach my self a bit more from negative emotions. But not as much as I would wish to keep my self feeling OK, old patterns I guess.
stevehaylingisland 1 year ago
@stevehaylingisland He needs to learn from his mistakes, form an opinion and express that one next time. He needs to show himself. And stop trying to be Sebastian his shadow.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
so without really thinking about it i have no idea what he should have done different.
i've experienced many situations like this and i can't handle them
but as always i like the video =)
Tianshi01 1 year ago
@Tianshi01 Hey :)
Well i can understand the, not being to handle these situations, part even more from you after seeing your 'New Years Resolutions tag' video...
Focus on yourself. You are a great person. Try to not only feel this, but eventually.. 'know' this. If you can do that (which takes time) you won't be treated the way Sebastiaan treats Bas anymore.
Take care.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
O.o I was just in a situtation like this last week...thats kind of scary. Anyway, I think Bas could have asked "Well, whats up with you and your boss?". I'm not sure if that would be trying to get into his bisness or anything...man. There are a lot of things that could have been done. But we always ask "What could have we done" after things like this. Good video too! (Golden Rasberry? I think not!)
XXRavethedrummerXX 1 year ago
@XXRavethedrummerXX Heeeyy Pepy!
Yeah, you're right! Sebastiaan doesn't really answer the question and Bas just goes with Sebastiaan his flow. Just like that..
Thanks for the comment man!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
I agree with @nephilimchrist on this one. I would have done exactly that
CrespinMinPin 1 year ago
@CrespinMinPin Hey :)
Well I think it's so great that people can feel this way!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
I think I would have said, 'oh well, I will watch it on my own then.' And I would have asked what Caroline thought of the film.
nephilimchrist 1 year ago
@nephilimchrist Hey Madeline, well i'm glad that you can say that, and i hope you can also feel that way.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Even though i may not be afflicted with the disorder, i believe what Bas should have of done was to just take a deep breath as soon as he feels he is getting overwhelmed by the emotion (whether it was anger at caroline, at sebastian or even at himself) and to just tell himself that "its okay to feel this way, its okay to be angry at____" and to just sit there until he can collect himself. i apologise to anyone who may have of been offended by what i have said, i dont know much about sep anxiety
DJB4R 1 year ago
@DJB4R But it's still great advice! Taking your time to 'find yourself again' is a great lesson that can be used in many situations! Thanks for the comment!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Great video Bas!, your use of a story to describe what separation anxiety is like, was really helpful for me to understand what it must be like to live with it
DJB4R 1 year ago
Damn it, Bas, you hit the nail on the head in this vid. This si why I've been trying to research this stuff. This was my ex and I. I was never sure what to do with anything with her. She was always threatened by girls who weren't even intrested and would scratch things off our list of things to do if she found out I did something with someone else. I could go on and on. I had no idea what I should do. The end was inevitable though for us. But from my guilt being unable to help is why I'm here
MartialArtsSuperStar 1 year ago
@MartialArtsSuperStar Well, it's great that you are now researching this Brad! It shows balls!
Thanks for your comment man.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MartialArtsSuperStar lol ! One way to look at it! Try to find some kind of understanding or show my balls! jk Guilt is the worst feeling. I was empethetic toward her during then and because of what we were dealing with I had no choice but to do as told for our child's sake. I've experianced what you showed in your vid (the one on the phone texting) and though it can get frustrating having to cater to their needs, you never really understand what hell it is for them until you've gone through it
MartialArtsSuperStar 1 year ago
Great video. I can relate a lot to it, though. :/ I'm not sure if I have separation anxiety but Bas's reactions sound similar to how I act sometimes.
Really good video, though. :) I enjoyed it! I have no idea what Bas should have done, though.... since honestly I probably would've acted in a similar way. :/
Melrudin 1 year ago
@Melrudin Hey :)
Thanks for your comment! It's hard to deal with people like Sebastiaan, isn't it.
Hey how was the internship in New York? You're back now?
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable Wow, you remembered. haha. It was in Washington, D.C. actually and it was really great. :) I got to work with some really wonderful people. ^_^ And yup, I'm back now, back for my final semester of college!
Hope all is well. :)
Melrudin 1 year ago
@Melrudin Ok, sorry, i thought it was in NY, lol. And now your final semester? Sounds like a busy/stressful time.. I wish you good luck!!!! It's such a great feeling when you are done.. Something to keep in mind when you are stressing :)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable Yeah, my final semester will be stressful-I'm student teaching and am really nervous about it (though excited at the same time!). I don't want to graduate, though. haha. I'll miss all my friends here. I'm applying to teach in Japan once I graduate, so hopefully, if I get one of those jobs, I'll be more excited about graduating.
Melrudin 1 year ago
Comment removed
Melrudin 1 year ago
Hi Bas, not realy knowing what was happening in his head but just guessing that there was a deepening negative emotional state building up. I could only hope that he has learned to notice when this was happening and to get to know that feeling and beware about what behaviour is likely to result and get some control back ?
stevehaylingisland 1 year ago
@stevehaylingisland Well it's about feelings ofcourse but imho as soon as he starts to depend on Sebastiaan he is so vulnerable and not really able to make decisions for himself anymore. Thanks for your comment Steve! (It's Steve right?)
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
I would have done the same thing as Bas. But...
Bas should realize that people seek other types of relationships to balance their lives. Maybe Bas could have asked Sebastian if he could meet Caroline and watch the third movie together. Then again, that could cause a whole other host of problems. Alas, I'm not too sure.
adrienne317 1 year ago
@adrienne317 Hey :D Great comment! It could be a great way to meet and create new friends.. With maybe a new form of anxiety.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
(2)b. would have the chance to see how s. and caro's relationship is live and wouldnt have to imagine it anymore (which i'm sure his imagination is making things worse than they are)..
then again, s. is a bit of a jerk here so maybe you could have just smacked him round the head for being such an insensitive dick.
i'm sure there are a bunch of solutions here, joking oneself out of such situations works too, at least for me. discussing feelings seeing as the mood is so bad, better later i'd say
DearFirebird 1 year ago 2
This is really good! Awesome video :D. Great learning experience!
avarules2 1 year ago
@avarules2 Thanks Shahid!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
well bas (after s. told him about watching part 2 with caroline) could have asked sebastian if he wanted to watch part three some time soon with him AND caroline, all three of them together, once he himself (bas) has gotten around to watching part 2.
that way sebastian might feel like bas accepted his having other friends and feel more comfortable with bas because hes less clingy and s. seems to like his freedom.
DearFirebird 1 year ago
@DearFirebird By far the best comment! Thanks my dear firebird :D
I'll try to do my homework tomorrow. I hope to still pass your class XD
But seriously, you did such a wonderful job and i'm sorry that i'm so late with my stuff.
I've been distracted by someone special.. :D
But you'll always be my number one my darling.
xxx.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
I must commend you on the video it is awesome, the best one yet by far :D
mkjartansson 1 year ago
@mkjartansson :) thanks Magnús!!
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Bass. I'm lost as to what the guy could have done to fix the situation. These never end good for me.
composer63 1 year ago
@composer63 Keep depending on yourself..and not the other. The focus should be on yourself, 'looking' at the two of you.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
@MeAndMyBlackTable Each word there is like gold. You could sell it, and millions of borderlines would come to buy it because it means so. It contributes greatly to fixing the BPDs problem.
composer63 1 year ago
This video is awesome, I don't really have anything to add about what I'd do because I am really struggling with these exact situations but I hope that I learn some things from people in the comments, thanks for doing this!
polaroidcandy 1 year ago
@polaroidcandy Hey Emma, Well the most important thing (imho) is that you keep focussing on yourself. 'We' tend to let the 'other' take control over our thoughts, emotions and actions. thought: EVERYTHING DEPENDS ON THEM! In the past, i was willing to move the earth a bit to the left.. just to make someone smile at me..
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
Not take any conclusions? Tbh i don't know, but i identify a lot with this scenario.
metallicaJo1988 1 year ago
@metallicaJo1988 Hey dutch girl :)
Well, I think the most important thing is to not let everything depend on the other person. You are you. And that's important. Otherwise you'll give them all the (unnecessary) 'power'.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago
This is phenomenal.
composer63 1 year ago
@composer63 thank you Charles.
MeAndMyBlackTable 1 year ago