My Immortal Part 4 Of 23

[12ashes12]

"you have nachos?"

"fuck yeah"

XD nice, you guys a fucking brilliant...you deserve a medal!

[babygirl121896]

"Tell me Voldemort doens't rape her."

"No, it's worse!"

"Oh great."

[DarkxideX]

When you listen to its entirety...

you will know.

[mythbuster43]

@nikyan1231 Agreed. Also, Twilight doesn't have clothing descriptions lasting for pages.

[cany230]

ĩ Ңά₮Һ ₮əĿəҜĩИə$ĩ$.

That's about as much sense as that sentence makes.

[DarkxideX]

That explains everything!

[DarkxideX]

I'd say Twilight. While it seems like both are trying to be taken seriously, there's always the chance that My Immortal is a troll.

[bassetts1899]

AN HORRIBLE MAN

[DarkxideX]

That's a Steam name right there.

[mythbuster43]

Cloud8745: Wait, he did just died by slicing his wrists even though she just said a little while ago...is he not a vampire now?

DarkxideX: Plot twist!

I swear, there is no part of your dramatic reading that isn't hilarious.

[DarkxideX]

Endless hilarity potential.

[Velox415]

It's still better than Twilight  XD

[DarkxideX]

Marginally. XD

And that's just because it gets so bad it wheels around to good. :P

[crazyjenius74]

all right. how do i do that. i really suck at technology.^^; i still have a nintendo 64 (which is awesom!!!)

[DarkxideX]

Ya damn right it's awesome! :D

Well uhh... lesse... Hang on I'll just sendja a message and then you can reply to it.

[crazyjenius74]

Did you know on deviant art, they've actually made an illistrated version of this? It's fucking HILARIOUS! Actually, b/c i've seen it on there, i was able to cosplay as Ebony or ENOBY for Sugoicon.

[DarkxideX]

Oho?

Link plx. :3

[crazyjenius74]

@DarkxideX

I was trying to post the link but it keeps saying "Error" I don't know what to do.

[DarkxideX]

PM it. :O

[ssoratanaka]

I have to bloody do a shirt saying "I hath telekenesis".

[DarkxideX]

Ya better. :D

[gamerboy218]

shouldnt ebony be dead cause in that one chapter she put crosses in her ears but in this chapter she says it would kill her since she is a vampire.mindfuck?

[DarkxideX]

I wish I knew anymore... XD

[MiladyMorrigan]

I forgot about the Wicked Witch part, nearly choked xD

[DarkxideX]

Sorry to hear. XD

[LadyBowie30]

Was the person that wrote this braindead?

[DarkxideX]

I hope.

[DarkxideX]

I should make one.

Although it would cost me out the butt if I got charged for infringement.

[ms14344]

Why does this make me wanna kill myself

[DarkxideX]

As natural as bread and butter.. ;D

[ZombiesAteMyKat]

LOL reading along and noticed that apparently vampires can be killed with a steak of meat instead of a wooden stake. I did not know that. .

[DarkxideX]

So all it takes is a trip to Outback Steakhouse.

[ogman02234]

couldnt she have just shot voldemint right when he gave her the gun

[DarkxideX]

Too reasonable. Thus it does not belong in the story. XD

[ogman02234]

the three greatest quotes by tara or ebony or whatever the hell her name is

1. I hath telekinesis

2. The Invincibility coke

3.They converted to stanism

[DarkxideX]

All perfect T-Shirt quotes.

[KarmicZenJen15]

"She could either kill him with magic or pop a cap in his ass" should be on a T-shirt!

[DarkxideX]

Yes. :D

That and invisibility coke.

[MsIndyStar]

I choked on a chip and cried tears of laughter. That's how funny this is. XD

[DarkxideX]

Splendid. :D

The funny part, not the chip part. XD

[TatsuraJ]

5:42 - 5:59

Oh gawsh, my sides are so sore I couldn't laugh any more.

You guys know how to make travesties such as this sound funny.

[DarkxideX]

It's like magic. :D

[krawlings117]

this is so horrible maybe it gets better...maybe not lol

[DarkxideX]

Mmmmmaybe. XD

[necro1371821]

I get why she threw crookshanks at Voldemort! In Tara's logic, he's like Imhotep from the mummy! so in here logic he's afraid of cats! Wow, even i think that's the stupidest thing ever....

[DarkxideX]

Agreed.

[gamerboy218]

hes not a slut yet she wears nothing but miniskirts and a shirt that shows off her boobs? wheres the dresscode?

[DarkxideX]

Should be implicit in Hogwarts. :P

[xsexyminxyx]

haha, i listened to all 23 parts of you guys reading this fanfic.

i think my brain has died on me, its so terrible XD

gahhh, my IQ just fell rapidly =(

[DarkxideX]

Ignorance is bliss, amirite? ;D

[xsexyminxyx]

@DarkxideX yessir :'D

[makairu]

Wait, wasn't she wearing cross earrings earlier? And now suddenly she can't even spell cross? LOL

[DarkxideX]

It's sad, I know. XD

[Maxrock9]

The characters are just abusing the swear words

[DarkxideX]

Very hardcore, they be doing so.

[Nellis4543]

@daolpu1

SIMPLICITY IS COMPLEXITY.

[DarkxideX]

So much lolz.

[xKiwiiLime]

I downloaded all 23 videos onto my iPod.

Addicted much? 8D

[DarkxideX]

Wait, you can do that?!

/whoosh

[xKiwiiLime]

@DarkxideX Yea, just use a Youtube converter xD

[thewhulk]

@xKiwiiLime could you share please XD??

[xKiwiiLime]

@thewhulk Uhhhh, I'm not sure that I can. :I

[tmmlink]

@xKiwiiLime I didn't know you can download youtube videos onto you ipod.

[xKiwiiLime]

@tmmlink Not the video itself, no. I just used a Youtube video converter to get the .mp3

[thatonegirludontknow]

Ahh, you guys got me to tears with this one.

[DarkxideX]

And you're only 4 parts in. ;D

[jetblack4ever]

"Is he not a vampire now?" "PLOT TWIST!" That bit killed me.....xDD

[DarkxideX]

Fun times, I know. ;D

[DannyPhantomAbriged]

Don't take this the wrong way but you two would make a good couple XD SORRY! lol Good job.

[DarkxideX]

Or TV show hosts. XD

[DannyPhantomAbriged]

True! Haha lol sorry i'm working on a slash art project so my mind instanly jumped to couple XD

[narrowedeyes]

Ah, the plot thickens... into a cold, congealed gruel.

[DarkxideX]

Extra point for splendid vocabulary. :D

[PrincessBilly1]

So, I say we kill them all :D

Stakes and garlic anyone?

Hahaha ^^

[DarkxideX]

I'll need 5 of each. :D

[thewhulk]

that is why harry failed. all he needed to do was have a cat with him all the time and he would have beaten voldimint easy

[DarkxideX]

If only he knew. :o

[eventingislife15]

"An hero!"

Bahahah :)

Crookshanks?

[DarkxideX]

Yes. :|

:D

[lunarflight]

Draco noclipped... that's how he got there.

[DarkxideX]

GENIUS.

[HyrAyl]

Ah, this is the wonderful c-r-o-s-s and stake chapter! XD

[DarkxideX]

Bwah ;D

[time0space0witch]

...I just looked up virility.... O.O fuck....

A gun? O.O? WTF?! Telekinesis? How could they have gotten that wrong? There are plenty of words that mean "mind reader": augur, channeller, clairvoyant, diviner, fortune-teller, haruspex, horoscopist, medium, mental telepathist, mentalist, oracle, palm reader, prophet, psychic, seer, soothsayer, telepathis, telepathist, thought reader. ...But Telekinesis isn't one of them.

lol! Twilight....

...Didn't she put crosses in her ear a few chapters ago?

[DarkxideX]

I don't get it myself. :| No logic can be made. XD

[ShadowPhoenix142]

I think I just figured out the whole "Crookshanks!" thing. She threw the cat at Voldemort and he screamed because he was allergic!

[DarkxideX]

"OH NO! CAT DANDER!!!"

[ShadowPhoenix142]

Damnit I just noticed that someone else said the same thing about 3 months ago. >.> Oh well it doesn't matter...still funny as hell because its so bad.

[joeyw2685]

DIABOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!

[DarkxideX]

Oh god lol.

[HuntrBlackLuna]

The way you guys read the author's notes kills me.

[DarkxideX]

Mission success. :D

[MiauMewNyu]

"I hath telekenesis."

Gawd, I need that on a t-shirt xD

[DarkxideX]

And it needs to be a heavy with his eyes looking in two different directions with a completely serious face.

[Dappledmoon]

I'd so by that t-shirt :L

[icrangirl]

"VOLDEMORT GAVE ME A GUN!!!"

Best...Line...EVAH!!! XD

[DarkxideX]

All thanks to meee. :3

[wolfblade019]

vi·ril·i·ty [vi ríllitee]

n masculinity: the state of being male, having male characteristics, or male sexual potency Well, Why did I look that up?

[DarkxideX]

The same reason I looked it up. :3

[ilovelemonysnicket]

She lost her manly characteristics to Draco. Does that mean Draco gained them? XD

[DarkxideX]

That's impossible. D:

[ilovelemonysnicket]

I see. Aaron is a meaniehead.

[endeverafter4237]

That was the funniest thing ever and you two were hilarious

[DarkxideX]

We know. ;D XD

[Mashirafen]

The whole part with voldemort had me crying with laughter.

[DarkxideX]

Splendid. :D

[SunTheTiger]

7:09 Is she sure they weren't "coming"?

[DarkxideX]

Half sure. XD

[ilovelemonysnicket]

She's very sure. XD

[revealingowl]

Wtf? You yell a cats name and it randomly hurts someone!?

[DarkxideX]

Yes yes. :D

[ColdTRemor74]

im at 3:00 and i can honestly say this is worse than anything so far...

man am i glad you guys read this!

[DarkxideX]

I know. ;D

[animadevil]

Did Stephenie Meyer right this too? :O

[DarkxideX]

If she did, my heart would explode.

[FlameDude11]

i looked up werility too... and WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!? EBONY REALLY IS A DUDE!!!!!

[FlameDude11]

verility*

[DarkxideX]

Surprise.

[MotokoIsMe112]

LOST YOUR VIRILITY FTW!

[DarkxideX]

Nooooo :o

[Hells666singer]

I figured out the Crookshanks thing:

She threw Crookshanks at him.

[DarkxideX]

OH SNAP DAWG

[Hells666singer]

If I were Voldemort I'd run from having an angry, stolen cat thrown at me. Then again, If I were Voldemort I'd try to find a way to not be this mindfuck of story

[Hells666singer]

What is virillty? I didn't know it was a word until this video.

[DarkxideX]

It's a quality of manliness probably more to do with sexual potency than anything.

Which is chilling since she lost it in the forest.

[GameBuster43]

I quote from chapter 6:

"I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two CROSSES in my ears."

So why did she put that you can only kill a vampire with a cross, seeing as she's a vampire herself?

[DarkxideX]

My point exactly.

[anacsadder]

Haha!

I tried to read that fic myself and couldn't get through it. In fact, I only made it to just past the end of part 4 in this series. You guys have me cracking up though XD

[DarkxideX]

Goodly. :D

[SorDonGoo2]

"...or a steak"..?

They can die by touching meat?

[DarkxideX]

They're vegetarians. D:

[Elisepalmtree]

If I'm correct vampires are undead. Doesn't that mean they have no blood? HOW DO THEY SLIT THEIR WRIST?!

[DarkxideX]

AAA

MYTHOLOGICAL PARADOX

[BetterThanYou2468]

maybe voldemort is allergic to cats

[BetterThanYou2468]

XD tee hee its the only explanation

[DarkxideX]

"Dander! Nooooo!!!"

[BetterThanYou2468]

ya lol

[Sporeness]

Volfemort has him bondage!

[DarkxideX]

Cryface. D:

[Sporeness]

Tears of blood! :O

[Faesissa]

I swear the best line in this fanfiction is from Voldemort saying that he "hath telekinesis!" That always makes me crack up!

[DarkxideX]

An instant classic. :P

[TonyBranston]

"Croshaw" I shouted!

Suddenly, an horrible British man came into the forest and sent a legion of crudely drawn black imps to attack me!

[DarkxideX]

FUUUUUUCK

[LillithStarStruck]

This is a definite case of something being so bad it's good. A fic that is so horrifyingly, blood-curdlingly, burst (or maybe bust, judging by Tara's writing) into flames bad that it becomes funny.

It's like how you see those little hairless dogs that are so ugly they're cute.

[DarkxideX]

Effective comparison.

[Hells666singer]

Really? I thought it was more like the 'Twilight Zone' Music. It hurts your ears but you can't help but listen.

And she said she got this from the movies...

Correct me if I'm wrong but couldn't Voldemort FLY in the movies.

BTW Voldemort's got the right idea when he looked at her: "Dude you're so fucking retarded"

[BohepansTheThird]

There is a 5th dimension of fanfic writing, beyond that which is known to man. It is a dimension as vast as space, and as dumb...as the most retarded person. It is the middle ground between crazy, and moronic. Between ignorance and stupidity. And it lies between the pit of man's worst written works...and the summit of "so bad, it's good". This is the dimension of twisted imagination! It is an area which we call...The "My Immortal" Zone.

[n1g3ld34c0n]

@BohepansTheThird *cue Twilight Zone theme*

[TheOneBlueNinja]

@BohepansTheThird You sir, have won an internet.

[BohepansTheThird]

@TheOneBlueNinja

I thank you. I thank you, good sir. I do what I can.

[Vincent2654]

so when does words damage people

[DarkxideX]

When used in excess.

[HunterBlackLuna]

I'm sure Tara was just following the words of the Buddha: "Words have the power to both heal and destroy." :D see, this story IS deep!

[Vincent2654]

not to put you down but this story is not deep. it sound like this so called "Gothic" chick stole random crap from different things and beat on her keyboard like a retarded 5 year old

[AnimeAndHaloDOMix]

XD Don't worry I was kidding. In reality I'm well aware of how horrible this story is.

[RenegadeLamp]

I HATH TELEKINESIS!

You 'hath' a genuine idiot, Voldemort, lol.

[DarkxideX]

Can I hath telekinesis plx? D:

[GazzyW007]

I can has Kinesis-burger?

[LordBleck2100]

you may not.

Great readthrough btw XD

[twiikimchi]

"you might think i'm a slut but i'm not."

"just keep telling that to yourself honey."

XD

[DarkxideX]

lolol

[DarkxideX]

Heh.

[spikedwallman]

well, maybe vlasevolsevladevoldemort is allergic to cats...

[DarkxideX]

Hopefully.

[yahiko34]

"You can either kill him with magic, or pop a cap in his ass," Million dollar line DarkXideX..

[DarkxideX]

Yes.

[sectionrev]

Omg I love you for posting this best reading ever!

[DarkxideX]

I know.

[TheKlanao]

You are an hero for re-posting this!

[DarkxideX]

I know. :3

[Konomichan]

This fan fic could be the perfect torture method!

[DarkxideX]

More effective than waterboarding.

I guarentee it.

[SonicRocker15X]

IDK, it never tortured me. If I was locked in a room reading this fanfic I'd laugh, especially if this reading was playing meanwhile.

[omega180]

You know my firend told me in Spanish that he saw twilight and he just laughed through it. I laughed so hard when he told me that the vampire guy took the girl and climbed up the tree but it looked like he humped up the tree.