Dan Savage on Who Writes to "Savage Love"

[apparition34]

I definitely LIKE this video

[Aicirt8]

What I love about Dan is he's not afraid to state what he believes, even though he knows a lot of people will disagree

[JamesTheTank]

made me laugh, must thumb up

[Kyller54]

no really nothing dan has said has botherd me whatso eva but i supose im just the youth of the group or as i get called the early riser by my friends for being gay

[Chronosagaaddict]

it's cuz yur amazing...

[MaicoMoon]

Just upload the whole fucking session and not these little bits and pieces. Is it that fucking hard?

[CalmBlue]

They're not going to upload the "whole fucking session" because these clips are only intended to show small portions of the events.

If you want to see the whole thing, go see it live. If you can't, then be thankful for the clips.

[oskomena]

I wonder what "things women don't want to hear" he is referring to..

[jimmylang]

ditto for "things gay men don't want to hear"

[SubmarinerAndroid]

Here's one: that there is more to being safe and healthy than "wear a condom." Savage has written that there are limits to how promiscuous one should be, and some called him of all people 'sex-negative' for that.

[Devin1488]

i dunno about the stuff gay men don't want to hear. the most uncomfortable i get when listening to dan's podcast/reading his column is talk against monogamy. sometimes he makes me feel like i'm doing something unethical by seeking a monogamous relationship hahah.

[schwa75]

he's not against monogamy, just against the idea that monogamy is some "gold standard" that everyone is supposed to be looking for.

But he'd never say it was "unethical" for you to want what you want. You gotta do what makes you happy... :)

[squamish4244]

@Devin1488 Well, for instance he tells gay men to not be dumbasses and wear condoms because of the risk of AIDS, which they feel impinges on their right of 'self-expression' as homosexuals.

[XiaoGui17]

Women don't want to hear that they have a responsibility to keep a man sexually satisfied if they expect monogamy. Women don't want to hear that men's degrading fantasies should be indulged. Women don't want to hear that open relationships are sometimes the answer if the woman has a low libido. These are all things Dan Savage has said.

[Judeas]

You say that like he says it should be a one way street though? Im only kind of new to these videos, but im fairly sure if the roles were reversed he would still give the same advice, or say if the woman cant reconcile themselves with these things then maybe they need to find someone who wont make those sort of demands from them. I know he has said before that if a guy expects oral then he should be willing to give it for him to receive it. It isnt a one way street.

[XiaoGui17]

No, it's not a one-way street, of course, but there are a lot of women who still loathe to hear these things even if they are reciprocated.

[CaraIain]

and men don't want to hear that they have to talk to their girlfriend to find out what turns her on...and then do it with a smile on his face. These things too, has Dan Savage spoken.

[xxBlacksundayxx]

@CaraIain

Oh that is so BS ! Though I was raised on chivalry, I could be different. But sex is always about pleasing your partner, call it...self-sacrifice, aside from her tearing off your skin you grin and bear it..Hell you might even enjoy it in the end!

Regardless, it is always great to hear how to make your lover happy.

[Rillion12]

Dan doesn't say that men's degrading fantasies should be indulged by women who don't want to. Actually, in his column today he was quite clear about his position on such things: "I encourage people to be good, giving, and game (GGG), which only requires us, as I've explained, to consider our partner's reasonable sexual requests. I've never suggested that any and all sexual requests must be fulfilled."

[XiaoGui17]

I saw that in the Slog as well. But some women are unwilling to even CONSIDER the most "reasonable sexual requests," as he puts it.

This was in the context of Dan justifying his statement about what an inconsiderate diva the woman unwilling to indulge her fiance's foot fetish was.

I'll bet women such as said inconsiderate diva don't want to hear that.

It all comes down to WHY women are rejecting men's sexual requests: because society expects them to or because they genuinely dislike it.

[gamerunknown]

@XiaoGui17

Well he's an advocate of reciprocity. I highly doubt that he'd advocate degrading or humiliating one's sexual partner, no matter which, or forcing them to do something they're uncomfortable with. He holds that anal sex and oral sex should both be reciprocal - no stereotypical gender roles there. The one thing I'd be more conservative than him on is cajoling partners with the threat of leaving if they don't comply - ignoring consent, non sexual fulfillment.

[squamish4244]

@XiaoGui17 A lot of men don't want to hear that their lousy and selfish bedroom skills turn a lot of women off sexually.

[squamish4244]

@XiaoGui17 And men who let themselves go and expect their partner to stay in shape.

[Decktrio]

@XiaoGui17 and men don't want to hear that if they expect to get head, they need to give head... they get to hear this from Dan Savage

[poolerboy0077]

He mentioned one in an old video regarding monogamy.