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From: davidmitchellsoapbox
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  • King cunt the great, the fuck of the late 10th century :P

  • Tide goes in, tide goes out, Cnut can't explain that!

  • It's not spelled 'Knut' in the country that this was made in, so it can't really be a misspelling. If 'Cnut' was actually incorrect, every contemporary spelling of his name by the same standard would surely be as wrong as the next, since the man himself was from the very non-English-speaking 10th century Scandinavia.

  • I laughed when I realized britts spell king Knut as king Cnut

  • @defaultuser88

    I laughed when you misspelt "Brit".

    I've love to know why Nordic people are so god-awful at spelling the word "British" or "Brit". The only people who can't spell "Brit" or "British" correctly (and yes, it is these particular words) are Nordic people, the worst of which being the Swedish.

    What I find funny about this, is that "British" is actually SPELT with one T in the Swedish language, so why they always feel the need to add an extra T is beyond me.

  • @IAmCaptainMarvel british is spelled with two T's in swedish (Brittisk), but yes I misspelled oh noes at least the world didn't end

  • Ah, so that's where Aladdin and the King of Thieves got its name for the main mythological relic they were looking for. "The Hand of Midas".

  • funny man make me laugh

  • I like the story of King Afkuss and Queen Lumcapper.

  • David is a large fan of a little thing called sarcasm, and/or irony, not to mention wordplay and anagrams, hence the deliberate misspelling of King Knut/Canute. I like to call people I dislike intensely King Knut/Canute.

  • It's spelled Knut

  • I'm going to make a new version of King Midas where the courtiers hire a bunch of gold-draped guys to seize the king, chain him up in the basement, and repeatedly bring to him large sacks of rocks to be transmutated against his flesh to become stinking rich, and in the process they bolster the flagging national money supply and become heroes.

  • I don't get it.

  • David Mitchell is my Idol.

  • so close 2 king cunt

  • King Cnut, the FCUK of the late 10th, and early 11th century... is it just me, or are both of these names/titles engineered to actually represent "King Cunt, the fuck of the late 10th, and early 11th century"?

  • @boenrobot I never would have guessed that...

  • Had to double look the title

  • This should have begun with a fact, such as:

    60% of you misread the title upon first glance

  • King Cnut is just an allegory for the over ambitious human nature, when they don't understand the dangers

  • "The FCUK of the late 10th and early 11th century" lmao

  • Isn't it immensely more probable that they were all just a TINY bit on the tipsy side? Of course, by "a TINY bit on the tipsy side", I mean incredibly, INCREDIBLY drunk.

  • @10nantFangirl That's what you get when your kingdom is in the unfortunate position of having to seek a merger...

  • I agree with you on most things David, but your pronunciation of Midas is not one. I say it like "My-dus" not "My-dass." I realise I may be wrong in this, but My-dass sounds like overpronouncing it. Also Shirley Bassey said "my-duss" in the Goldfinger theme song and if that's wrong I don't want to be right.

  • @NickStedmon its spelt my - das you dumbus

  • @fiddlest1cks I'm not entirely sure what your issue with my spelling is here, since neither My-dus, My-dass or My-das are correct spelling, I was spelling it phonetically. I added the extra s to show the emphasis on the "a" was like the "a" in "cat" rather than "cart." The only correct spelling is Midas. And if you were trying to be funny, then you just failed completely, so I'm sorry that you wasted your time.

  • @NickStedmon clearly your to dumb to understand the point and like a wise man said arguing on the internet is pointless.

  • @fiddlest1cks I agree with that; I have no time to argue with someone who doesn't know the correct application of "you're" and "too."

  • @NickStedmon What if they're dyslexic or something? Pull your head out of your arse.

  • @liamjd1 Well maybe they are, but if you follow the comment tree back all the way you'll see that they were also insulting without any manner of provocation so I have no time for someone like that either, dyslexic or not.

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  • @Silt9 Edward Ironsides, although it should be Edmund. Guy who resisted the Danish Invasion

  • this background music is used on Horrible Histories!!

  • sat on a stool

  • that wasent a soap box! he just tried 2 get into the mind set of a deranged possibly non existant king he didnt even yell at anything!!

  • lol @ the FCUK line.

  • I wonder if there were any dyslexics in King Cnut's day? Probably pretty embarassing.

  • Well, the original story was that nobody thought he could do it (including himself), but he did it to prove that despite his title the one who really controlled England was the guy who set the tides in motion - i.e. God. The story goes on to say that he removed his crown and hung it on a crucifix, never to wear it again.

  • In order to stop the sea you need an engineer. A Dutch engineer.

    And King Cnut wasn't. ;)

  • @AmersfoortTristan He was Danish, close enough?

  • Y'know, I've never heard of King Cnut till today.

  • I'm watching these videos over and over again, I feel a bit pathetic

  • My-dass? Okay...I KNEW whom he was referring to, but...

  • @BrooklynJackBlue How do you pronounce Midas?

  • @bp56789 As an american I have always heard Midas pronounced MY-duss or something like it. It's Really just a switch of syllabic emphasis.

  • @TheScottishYogi To go all soppy for a minute it must have been utter hell for the poor man.Like George III and Juana La Loca being royal didn't stop a lot of them from suffering miserably.

    Soppiness over

  • The last sentence is the best

  • When i saw king cnut i thought it said king cunt... woops XD

  • The backdrop in this episode reminds me of Minecraft.

  • @Danbotology good on ya, me too! How addicted are we? this is not good

  • @Danbotology

    It reminds me of knightmare.

  • I thought he pulled that stunt to prove that he was less mighty than god in an effort to convert remaining Pagans to Christianity and unite his kingdoms under one God...

  • If that's silly, Xerxes was even stupider. He tried building a bridge across Hellespont out of ships, a storm broke them up, and he got pissed off and ordered the lashing of Hellespont.

    Oh, there was also this guy called Moses who claimed to be able to split the Red Sea in 2. But apparently he got lucky.

  • totally thought it read cunt

  • @comtraya101 Clearly the FCUK joke went right over your head then.

  • But what of old Pope Benidict??? Confidant and friend of Caanute. Ooops,, You guessed it,, Pope Benedict is back around again too. BUT,, this time, it is Benedict that makes pilgrimages to England.

    WAIT!

    What time is it? Yep,, 1000 years. Right on schedule.

    TR Knudtson

  • Well, let’s not forget old Midas either, son of Gordias (The Gordian Knot) Now the Seer that proclaimed the next man to enter the city driving an Ox-cart, would be King. SHE, the Seer, also having a pet eagle that was to land on Gordian’s cart. (Imagine that) And she, to rule as co-regnant with this former-farmer, Gordian,,, (No DUH!) Midas to start the myth that everything that he touched turned to gold. Umm, keep people from digging around in your mountains or invading you. TR Knudtson

  • And as The Good Book said, this is the origin of the saying, "paddle your own Canute"

  • "King Cnut the Great, the Fcuk of the late 10th and early 11th century" ...david mitchell is a genius.

  • I love how it looks as if he is in minecraft.

  • @letsallJACKoff I WAS JUST THINKING THAT!!!!!!!!!!!

  • haha TRKnudson, I love you!

  • what a Cnut

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  • Oops: Corrections. “Sovereignty” and “Throne”. Sorry, I am profoundly blind in real life and use a Web Reader to communicate in text on the Internet. Forgive me.

    All the best

    Knute

    TR Knudtson

  • Please remember, Caanute was the first King of England to put his severity to a public VOTE and was roundly set to the thrown by popular acclamation. He instated laws covering reciprocity, and restitution when wrong was proven. FOR,,, Nobles and Commoners alike. Not a bad sort really? Let’s try and be a bit more kind here. Much respect to you!!!!!!!!

    Knute

  • Oh David Please. Of course you have cocked it all up, all over again. First, the Nobles and the Church had the people believing that by the Popes Blessing, Kings were literally “Gods on Earth”. The whole point was to show EVERYONE, that no “Earthly King” blessed or not, could command the tides. Wise yes, and by agreement with Benedict, tributes demanded of pilgrims to the Holy land would be standardized and reduced toll. All the best. Knute, TR Knudtson

  • @OldKnute Why are you being such a downer? It's just a bit of fun..

  • @kadosiable Kindly; my fingers could not type any softer. My love for England; never more strong. My respect for David; secure. David offers great respect for Caanute in his renditions of events, and I shared my families’ writings on the subject. My mistakes and typos admitted and corrected. If we asked 3 others comenting, we would probably gather as many versions. All the best, Knute, TR Knudtson

  • @OldKnute Alright.

  • @kadosiable Thanks. BUT, do remember Midas TOO was a King who set things straight, the “stator” or “standard”, (A Roman warriors monthly pay) came to be because of his minting of “Electrum” coinage. Electrum, (A durable alloy of Gold, Silver and Copper) Naturally and artificially derived alloy but NOT TRUE GOLD. See: Bagdad Battery. The Myth of Midas was just an excuse to explain away, were all his bright and shinny gold coins were coming from. Hahaha, Propaganda of the day.... Knute

  • @kadosiable Really; a neat trick when you think about it. The Myth of the “Midas Touch” would insure his long standing on the throne. Would you depose a King that made gold with the touch of a finger??? OR,, invade a land thought poor in natural resources, the TRUTH, to remain hidden by this Myth? A wise King, or one that understood HUMAN NATURE?,, Or BOTH? Hehehehehe!,,, Knute

  • He'll always be king Cunt in my puerile mind.

  • King Cnut - "The FCUK of the late 10th/early 11th century" - classic

  • Well written. I love the quintessentially British way of describing things, e.g. "the entity in the vast wobbley blue corner."

  • @greyareaRK1 What does that actually mean? I'm Canadian...

  • @slightlyinsaneFTW As am I. He means the sea. Word play is quintessentially British, much more so than in NA. Read Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett for a start.

  • @greyareaRK1 :D Yeah, I haven't yet, but I'm going to

  • The vast entity in the wobbly blue corner, that did make me laugh.

  • King Xerxes once sentenced the sea at Hellespoint to 300 lashes for destroying a building project, allegedly. More sanely he had the builder's of the bridge's heads cut off. I think we only have Herodotus' account of this and the Greeks weren't particularly fond of the Persians. Oh.. and Alfred the Great once burnt some cakes.

  • Student ponce.

  • It's spelled "Knut" and pronounced "Knut", NOT "canoe".

    There should absolutely be NO "A", spelled or spoken.

  • Comment removed

  • @otur1 Oh sorry, Were you at his birth? Are you in fact over 1000 years old and know that you are 100% correct. From evidence found it can be pronounced and spelt both ways. Oh and it's Canute...... Not canoe.....

  • @otur1 Cnūt in older English, in todays English it can be pronounced Cnut/Knut/Canute/Knud but mainly goes by 'Cnut' considering the spelling similarity to the old name.

  • @otur1 based on which sources you're looking at, it can be spelled / pronounced either way.

  • I love the story of King Cunt... SHIT!!!

  • @windmoveswater As a dislexic i have done that many times.

  • David, I love you!

  • wasn't there a king cnut? in england

  • @harlandwirth yes

  • @harlandwirth yes thats who he is talking about

  • cool, exactly 40,000 views!

  • @talkissos 4,447 views in one week then. Pretty good

  • did he say edward einstein ??

  • @Allbymyself705 He said Edward bloody Ironside. I think he meant Edmund Ironside, an Anglo-Saxon King who was Cnut's rival for control of England.

  • @Lexivor ok i was only asking ... :(

  • @Lexivor You share the same name as my nobody.

  • cnut fcuk, tee hee

  • *gasp* - the language pedant made a grammar mistake!

    "King Cnut the Great... tried to stop the tide coming in, and it didn't."

    Surely you mean 'and he didn't' or 'and it did', or 'and it didn't work.' As it stands your sentence means that Cnut successfully stopped the tide (i.e. that it didn't come in)!

  • @ExplodingCabbage wow i missed that!

  • btw, i love you forever, in a cute teenage school/fan girl way.

  • I seem to recall Cnut was proving a point that, whilst he had dominion over his kingdom, he was still nothing in the face of God. So, really, trying to win points with the Christian populace. It was a PR stunt. I could be totally wrong though - this is just what I remember hearing.

  • My Last name is Knuutinen -> Knut -> Cnut and I am from Finland!

  • As a fellow pedant I'm sure Mr Mitchell won't mind me pointing out that it was not Edward but Edmund Bloody Ironside who would have had something about which to think should Cnut's wet-avoidance experiment have proved fruitful.

  • these adverts are annoying, i'm a girl, i don't care about bulldog soap!! :)

  • @FRAGNUB4FUN Yeah, why not?

  • Up there in my top 3 funny sarcastic bastards!

  • these are so SO SO good.

  • what a cunt, wooos i mean cnut

  • Comment removed

  • @nunnytv he has already done one on male grooming

  • A king who wants everything to turn to gold and ...whoops... can't have lunch.

    Hilarious!

  • Good man!

  • Stupid Cnut

  • It should be Edmund Ironside not Edward Ironside.

  • I love david mitchells voice. Everything he says is consequently funny.

  • Remember when you were a little kid and you learned something neat or clever and you'd laugh but not a laugh. It was a pleasure that just came out of you that sounded and felt like a little laugh.

  • In the absence of this podcast and by removing myself from watching too much televison, I had finally managed to get over my loyalty to Mitchell's whining. Now I'm hooked again. :)

  • Throne suits David, almost too well..

  • I'm quite glad the Bulldog add doesn't beat the shit out of my ear drums on this video.

  • Cnut had a cool bachelor pad royal style. They called it Cnut bachelor pad.

  • Cnut was probably Cnuts.There was a King can't think which one who though he was made of glass.

    Too much inbreeding in those families.

    I like the ad Bulldogs are cute :)

  • "i fart in your general direction, you silly king, you!!"

  • @bareakon neee!

  • @Perizada

    "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing Zow Zing!"

    - The Knights Who 'Til Recently Said Ni, 1975

    okay. no more monty python references, i promise

  • @bareakon In the words ,more or less, of the Black Knight come back here and I'll bite your knees off,

    Keep the Monty Python coming :)

  • @Perizada go away or i shall taunt you a second time!!!

  • @bareakon and I quote

    "Ekke Ekke Ekke Ekke Ptang Zoo Boing Zow Zing!"

  • @goulygliu p.s. Thank you Bulldog for toning down the add, its now a reasonable volume, much less annoying :-)

  • Trust david to take a simple story and look way, way, way to far into it xD

  • Anyone else think there is something really reaaally poorly thought out about calling a skincare product (for humans) 'bulldog' and advertising it with pictures of a chubby ugly dog? When I think of bulldogs I dont reallly think skincare products..I think smelly ugly creatures. The fact that the tube itself looks like its meant for dogs does not help much..I get the gimmick that its trying to make skin care products seem manly but maaan they could not come up with anything better than that?!

  • @MetalguitarlessonsUK I agree that it could be more obvious that it's for men and not dogs (I initially thought the same thing about the haircare products). But I don't see the problem with using bulldogs. Are you suggesting they should have used a prettier dog?

  • @Pirochiro More that they should probably not have chosen an animal so renound for its lack of hygiene and powerful smell that is not above eating its own shit and sick.Not the best mascot for grooming products really. The fact that they chose one of the ugliest looking dogs does not much help matters.Essentially my point is dogs are not a good icon for which to promote hygiene products and its somewhat astounding that someone decided it would be.. like using pigs as a mascot for diet food.

  • @MetalguitarlessonsUK Do you have a problem with the fact that it's a bulldog or just that it's a dog? What's wrong with dogs?

    And I think a pig as a diet food mascot would be pretty good. It would be a good use of irony.

  • @Pirochiro I thought I was fairly clear..both but only as a mascot and center figure piece of advertising for hygene products, not out of a disliking for dogs. It does not look like they are shooting for irony here,

  • @MetalguitarlessonsUK I'm guessing here but you are not fond of dogs are you?

  • trousers are ever so slightly to tight, not that I'm complaining :-)

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  • I love the angry red shirt.

  • "No attention to the basic foundations of economics, these semi-mythical kings."

    Not entirely unlike our own royal family. :) Love these rantlicious!

  • brilliant

  • 1) yay they're back and AND he's still wearing a red shirt, perfect!

    2) did he say Edward Einstein? ...isn't that not usually the correct name? (if I'm confused it's certainly not he first time.)

    3) glad to see that point of gold economics addressed! similarly applicable in wishes of "I'd want a million billion dollars!!!"

  • Isn't it King Knut?

  • I love the crappy CGI... This is what School-video lectures should be, I'd be inclined to watch it if they had David Mitchell in them but alas they all star orange Tom Jones wannabes, who have no passion for it.

    Great Vid, Dave!

  • Yay more David Mitchell!

  • Welcome back! Was missing these vids. They're classic!

  • I'm so glad this is back. I love David Mitchell.

  • 'the fcuk of the late 10th and early 11th century'

    hahahahaha, brilliant

  • I want to 5 star it, but.....

  • wooo they're back!

  • @the0real0fozzy can't they have a joint reign?

  • YES! You've returned!

  • <3 nice video!

  • yayyy, I missed you!

  • Good to see this back for a new series!

  • A welcome return, Mr. Mitchell.

  • far wvaey blue corner lol

  • Maybe the autocue was a little too close or something but David's eyes jittering around to read the text was pretty distracting for me. Good there's a new series, though!

  • my god he's a legend :)

  • Just when I thought I couldn't have more of a crush on David Mitchell...

  • lmao, wow david the grapics are so advanced... It's like this video is from the future, immense. :P

  • Me thinks david has spend just a little bit to much time thinking about this.

  • great you are back doing these!

  • Very nice series! I'm popular on YouTube in the UK (20,000 subscribers) I'd love to promote your channel in return for one line filmed for me by David? Let me know! I'd probably be able to get you 2,000 - 3,000 new subscribers and a lot of ad revenue! Tris

  • @tristopiaTV yaaay tris! Feature david on subsaturday. I actually love him :D

  • he's handsome.

    and eloquent.

    as always.