Beanie John's Love Advice

[FiveOhToo]

Oh my god you quoted Depeche Mode on the front of your journal.

[TammiBloo]

I love reading my old journals from middle school and laughing at all the ridiculous stuff I used to believe. XD

Like the fact that I had a hard core crush on Hal Sparks.

What 12 year old has a CRUSH on Hal Sparks?!?!

[Snapesservant77]

"I swear I'm not making this up."

Well, John...you actually did make it up. :D

[TheMaggiePZ]

there is a camel on the top of his beanie. 'tween the beanie itself and its propeller. the best place for a camel.

[jessicahubbs]

I like black nationalist rap should be a shirt.

[jellybelly98rox]

@Otherwisedull Yay!

[eflores1804]

"She's so flat"

I just laughed through this entire thing. 

[sambowman91]

Suprise.

[peerieweirdo]

I just found out that he is my age when this was written. Know that I know how boys my age think, I am slightly worried. And to think that John is one of the sensitive nerdy ones...

[plushalligator]

@Otherwisedull oh my god! i thought i was the only one! so cool!!! DFTBA!!!

[XxiloveGWxX]

I AM HYSTERICAL 

[Otherwisedull]

EIGHTH GRADE NERDFIGHTERS UNITE!

[Mistiewell]

@Otherwisedull Hey, I'm in the eighth grade... :) DFTBA

[peerieweirdo]

@Otherwisedull I don't know if I'm in eighth grade because my school system's weird, but I think I am... 

[cocaotheobromida]

I'm an eighth grader. I keep a diary and fill it with descriptions of every-day life diffused with the most ridiculous gossip I can find at my school just so I can stumble upon it in later years and ask myself, what the heck was I thinking. I can only hope that you did the same.

Best wishes!

[NicoTheSecondDoctor]

@cocaotheobromida I keep finding 8th grader Nerdfighters... CHEESE FOR EVERYONE! I'm actually thinking of doing the same. I like making myself laugh. Ha.

[taylorisneato]

i laughed the whole video.

[evetreez]

I'm now realizing that it's a blessing I'm too noncommittal to keep a journal of my 8th grade year...

[evetreez]

Well, that description of Whitney is a great deal different from descriptions of Alaska... Funny...

[AsbjornOlling]

0:05

Is that the mountain goats?!

[PassTheMarmalade1957]

'Dear John,

By the time you find this journal, you probably won't remember writing it. This is because you are in fact a clone, created after I, the original John Green, was killed by Hank with a hammer after I discovered that he had put dog poop in the Nintendo. AVENGE ME!

DFTBA,

John Green #1'

[ditchfairy]

I was laughing so hard during this video that my grandma came in and asked if i was crying

[rebchin123]

At first when you said Whitney was so "flat" I just assumed you meant that she had a two dimensional personality and wasn't sufficiently intellectually rounded for you.

my bad.

[thedarkhands]

@rebchin123 I thought the same thing and didn't get what he really meant by "flat" until now.

[ramseyfirefly]

@rebchin123 I thought the same thing. And this is probably the tenth time I have seen this video. I just got it.

[godessshannon]

writing down song lyrics trying to fill up space. I always do the same xD

[peerieweirdo]

Hey, I'm an eighth grader! ... I think. My school system's weird!

[natsays9]

Face at 2:33 is priceless ^^.

[DyingPickle]

I really like this video:)

[Amyable711]

"Frankly, I hope that I made it all up in some kind of fever dream."

Hilarious.

I'm going back through and watching random videos.

It's loads of fun.

[ephemerastrings]

@Amyable711 so much fun:D

[PeriwinkleJanelle]

I'm just out of middle school, but over the summer I read my journal from seventh grade...

Suffice to say, I wanted to go back and slap myself a couple of times. It was awful.

[toripup1]

@stuse444 it's called Turner Syndrome, it's where you only have one x chromosome instead of xx or xy. I have it to. It's not that she can't grow breasts, it's that her body doesn't make the hormones to start breast development. However, you can go on hormone replacement therapy, and then you develop an adult female form.

[wishthiswerewitty]

I'm an eighth grader and now I'm seriously worried what I'll think about my journal if I ever read it as an adult. And that I'll post online for the whole world to see...

[BubbleHasSock]

That just made my night! Whenever I get sad, you guys make me happy! :)

( You have just witnessed the prepiest thing I have said in my life)

[JibertyKataangisLove]

Ahaha John, you should keep that thing forever. MINE, now I found my diary/journal from middle school and I was so appalled by my attitude I ripped it into little shreds. Two completely. Different. People. Then and now. O.o

[TheGummyBearOverLord]

i just esacped the basement of my school (that's where the 8th grade was). it was pretty bad but i had you and hank yo guide me so i turned out alright

[19ladybug95]

your handwriting stunk. one of the only (and certainly the first) words i was able to decipher was the F word... naughty naughty john. lol

[19ladybug95]

@19ladybug95 at 1:24.. in case you were wondering.

[carpediEMILY]

this is one of the greatest vlogbrothers videos of all time.

[dylanthechameleon]

I'm in middle school, and it's awesome to know that it's exactly the same for everyone. XD

[dogluver92]

I almost died laughing.

[Hera2315]

That was too funny. I would love to hear more!

[flyifyouwanttofly]

This is the first vlogbrothers video I ever saw. ...it is also my favorite. This is probably my seventh time watching it, not counting when I've showed it to friends or posted it on my facebook.

John, this video makes me laugh. So much. It's fantastic. Thanks for being awesome.

[LifesBlackSheep]

It occurs to me that John could probably pay Henry's entire college fees from the proceeds of photocopying and selling that diary

[novelista14]

@LifesBlackSheep I'd buy it

[tehMetroRanger]

@LifesBlackSheep

The proceeds of publishing his diary could account for the lack of fishingboat proceeds

[FlargTheKitty]

@LifesBlackSheep Oh my God, you are right!

[LegitBenDustman]

I love how the word fuck so stealthily caught my eye when he turned it around to show us the page.

[CornwalltheOmni]

Perhaps you meant flat in terms of character?

[sweetducky12]

I started crying when you said, "I don't know why I like her, she's so flat" Hilarious, I just got out of the 8th grade this past year and I wasn't surprised at all.

[mariahrose210]

"To My Surprise With Half Closed Eyes"

New book title! John, get cracking!

[XkittykatkidX]

this is definitely one of my favourite vlogbrothers videos

[ProgressiveBoink]

john, i too like black nationalist rap.

[alyoucha97]

Imagine if Whitney was a Nerdfighter, and she was watching this and remembered you

[dudejohnny]

I'm a fairly smart kid so by the time I was in grade 8 I realized that a relatively flat chested woman is a lot better than a veiny over-sized breasted woman. Therefore, then and now, if I had to choose, Small-medium is my preference.

[mellenish]

@dudejohnny not the point, dude.

[dudejohnny]

@mellenish

I was making my own point, dude.

[YourUglyFantasy]

A boy called me flat once and I asked him how I could grow a pair of boobs like his...

[surferpenguingrl]

@YourUglyFantasy

Oh god you stranger, are absolutely fantastic

[radioactivecakeX]

@YourUglyFantasy You awesome person! That is just brilliant

[thesuperchony13]

WHAT DOES FLAT MEAN?!?!?!?! ugh I feel so stupid...

[EbonyShadow07]

@thesuperchony13 Flat chested.

[thesuperchony13]

@EbonyShadow07 oh.. ahahaha

[GONEmypurpleflapjack]

@thesuperchony13 It means she did not have a significant busom.

[RaynaOfSunshine]

@thesuperchony13 It means you have no bewbies, jugalugs, titties, etc...

[thesuperchony13]

uhm... what does flat mean?!?!?!

[biccy1muncher]

John's face in the last 10 seconds...

[Bosoxgalaxy]

This is the script for Wonder Years

[babyinblack]

lol I haven't lied THAT much in this journal XD omg that was great

[JuniWolfspirit]

You can rest assured that in many many years after you publish many more fantastic works of literature and are immortalized in English classes, high school and university alike, someone will find that journal and have it published.

[bakerclara22]

I'm going into tenth grade this year, and already I am ashamed of what I have written from six months ago, let alone eighth grade.

[storyofsarah]

Reading about your old self is always entertaining... haha.  I read my old journals, too, and I'm like..."WTF? Did I actually think like this?" haha.

[DinoTubz9638]

This has inspired me to write a journal.

[JessicarVroomVroom]

Bahaha I've had similar experiences with old journals, except they're only from a few years ago :P

[alexis474542]

I wanna read that journal xD just saying

[ReKrisB]

Oh, my, your past self is lying to your future self.

Well played, Middle School John, well played.

[TheSNUGGLES2011]

I think I'm going to pee my pant that was so hilarious!!

[animist98]

I'm dying. This is hilarious.

[beakybug]

"I was doing fine until James and Bryan came along and they told Jennifer I said I was going out with her. Which I did say, but they shouldn't have told her!" Hahaha that is middle school in a nutshell.

[morganjw224]

1:54 "I don't know why I like Whitney, she's so flat" ROFLMFAO

[eliultimasora]

FAO Schwarz FTW

[TheEllieburger]

I have now watched this three times in the past 20 minutes, and each time I found myself in stiched over "I like rap. I like black nationalist rap."

[trublu42w]

OMG MY NAME IS WHITNEY AND IM IN 8TH GRADE!

sOMETHINGS GONE WRONG WITH THE MATRIX

THIS WORLD ISNT REAL

orbis terrarum est super!

AHHHHHH!

[singlexfilexisxlove]

There's a camel on his head.

[LMNOP1214]

lol. just lol.

[musicalmissy13]

FAO SHORTS HAT FTW XD

[Hummol]

Amazing. But you know that, right?



[SlipperehPuppeh]

Me and John have both liked girls named Whitney. I feel as though we're now kindred spirits.

[dulcepekpek]

rotfambo

[HalbleeresGlas]

did anyone else stop the video at 1:23 and try to read the scribble and then failed terribly?

[dolphin64575]

@HalbleeresGlas "It cost about 1.65 bucks a -something- that's not too bad considering -something- I have to pay for everything..."

Is that the F word by his thumb?

[HalbleeresGlas]

@dolphin64575

ooh, i'm beginning to decipher john's scribble "it cost about 1.65 [or is it 165?] bucks a month. that's not too bad considering what it could be [?]. i have to pay for everything." =)

you could be right, looks like "...From a B in Science. Fuc* ..." (it really looks like a star to me)

=P

[TheCurly1998]

It took me a couple minutes to figure out what john meant by ''flat''.

[AttackoftheLuls]

John - can you publish this diary? You may obsess over it being bad writing, but it will be perfectly in character, telling a real story, and documenting a person overcoming troubles through their best and worst moments. Publish it under a pseudonym if you'd like.

[liltinklvr]

I'm an 8th grader :D I think I'm much worse then 8th grade John though. XD

[LauraCuthbert]

I watched this on International Women's Day. Way to go John.

[EbonyShadow07]

One time a boy told me I was flat. He even pointed it out to everyone else during class. I went right up to him, jabbed my finger in his chest and told him I didn't appreciate it and deserved more respect than that. We were in 7th grade, I was 75 pounds, and he was the biggest guy in school. But he never bothered me again. :)

[sugarpuff194]

@EbonyShadow07

I am going into seventh grade and I am turning 12. Oh F- - -k

[flyifyouwanttofly]

@EbonyShadow07 For that, you are my hero.

[stude444]

@EbonyShadow07 Thats pretty messed up, good job pwning that douche. Reminds me of this time that this guy was making fun of a girl at my school because she was "flat", for lack of a better term. And guess what? She had a medical condition in which she couldn't physically develope breasts, or even reproduce because of some sort of chromosome thingy (don't look at me like that, I'm a writer, not a scientitian). She punched him in the face, and I was proud.

[RaynaOfSunshine]

@stude444 Hehe. Scien'tit'ian. Hehe.

*Runs away from tomatoes being thrown* IT HAD TO BE SAID!

[stude444]

@RaynaOfSunshine KEEP IT ON FACEBOOK! -Throws more fruit and a 9 Volt battery-

[Nani101]

I'm sure Hank is fine with not being mentioned in, uh, that.

[lilylpotter3]

well, seeing as i am one of the dorkest 8th graders out there, yeah its gonna be tough.

[FlargTheKitty]

@lilylpotter3 hey, it's alright!! I'm right there with you :)

[lilylpotter3]

@FlargTheKitty dorky 8th graders UNITE!!!!!!! lol

[WakingEmptyx]

As a Whitney, I feel like I have to stick up for the Whitney you liked in middle school, even though she was flat. I'm sure you liked her because she was awesome. Whitneys usually are.

[vinceandlilly]

Someone should go back in time and show John this video.

[HillyP123]

John, I have the same office chair as you. It's quite comfy, no?

[mollyherondelaney]

this is the best vlogbrothers video

[omfed74]

You blinked. 1:38

[QueenOfTheAubergines]

I write a diary thing and I looked back at my old ones (I have filled up LOTS of diaries) from when I was 9 or 10 or something, I seemed to be excited a lot. A LOT. Like, every other entry was "I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited" "We're going camping tomorrow! I can't wait!" etc etc etc. Now my diary mentions you two, Youtube, Merlin, school and more Youtube every day. Tehe.

[iluvlost09]

@QueenOfTheAubergines LOL my old diary entries are so stupid. It's fun reading them, though.

[annkateri]

Maybe you did not mention Hank because your journal was mostly falsifications, and Hank is not a falsification.

[annkateri]

Maybe you did not mention Hank because your journal was mostly falsifications, and Hank is not a falsification.

[PotterPerson44]

This makes me wanna start a journal and then look at it when I'm an adult. Perhaps I shall.

[animelattack]

Nice, Depeche Mode lyrics on the cover! Haha, I love John, and Black Nationalist rap.

[flyifyouwanttofly]

...this is my favorite vlogbrothers video.

Well, one of, like, ten. Because how could you ever have just ONE favorite?

[NeglectedApples]

I have decided to start writing a journal for the sole purpose of being able to read hilarious entries like these when I am John's age.

[HPwrocks]

seventh grade... hey while your advising about love, tell us what to do when a friend suddenly tells you while you're sick in bed via text that your mutual friend (who is the best friend of her crush- who probably has a girlfriend but they're both heavily in denial) has a big crush on you, and you think he's adorable but you don't want to go out with him, you just want to be buds?

[NerdfighterSara]

I love Nerdfighteria!

[Bosoxgalaxy]

that is actually the script for Wonder Years. IT IS EXACTLY LIKE IT

[NoHeadsProduction]

She's so flat

Thank you John for making me cover my laptop screen with a spray of Mtn Dew

And i am in 8th Grade

I will totally keep a journal and fill it with profound entries, only to be dissapointed at myself when I read it at your age, John :3

[OrangeQuiky]

LawL.

[GoodMorningMarcus]

John Green, let me explain how nerdy I am.

For the first five times I watched this video, I had absolutely no doubt that your "she's so flat" quote referred to character types...such as static, dynamic, round, etc.

I get it now...oh, how I get it.

[notamuggle11]

@GoodMorningMarcus I THOUGHT THAT TOO!! :O HOO HA NERDFIGHTERS! xD

[totallyleafy]

@GoodMorningMarcus

That was my first assumption, also.

As a band geek, my second assumption was that she played an instrument off-tune.

My friends had to inform me of the truth.

[miasophiaalice]

she's so flat

[HoboHero13]

this video made me start writing a journal. ill read it in like 10 years LOL

[IreneAdlerCrazy]

I could not stop laughing... the whole idea of not remembering writing something and then having yourself say in that piece of writing that you were lying for a good bit of it and then being forced to guess what you were making up is hysterically funny.

[ferngirltlc]

Heheh. I like your journal!

It's always amusing to find something you wrote a very long time ago, especially if it's based off real life. I remember I recently found some papers that I wrote in elementary school. Some of that was pretty shocking. 

[hippyfriend]

According to the captions John hopes he made up his journal: "in some kind of hubert green". Is this another Green brother? We must know!

[otakubabe555]

@hippyfriend Um...I think it was "in some kind of fever dream."

[hippyfriend]

@otakubabe555 I know, I was laughing at how bad the youtube captions are :)

[otakubabe555]

@hippyfriend Okay sweet, just you never know...:P That would be pretty funny though.

[MarauderNumberFive]

I have provided about 20 of these views. Favorite vlogbrothers video ever.

[jessatrike]

"She's so flat."

LOOOOOOL.

[evanafter]

The face you make at the end is pretty freaking hilarious.

[venavanavona]

Black Nationalist Rap HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M DYING I CAN'T BREATHE. Too funny. Too, too funny. OMG, I wish I knew 14 year old John.

[tumblebard]

this is possibly my favourite. ever.

(also, I am going to go and look for my 13-year-old journals now, because I'm 18 and already I can't remember what they say.)

[FrenchieLeToast]

XXXXDDD Omigord, the "Black Nationalist Rap" statement! I need to stop watching vlog brothers while I eat breakfast! Almost lost my Kashi...

[itsmehannahlily]

I was laughing at this so much it turned silent. Scrap that, I'm STILL laughing at this so much that it's silent :D oh and I'm crying. But I don't think it's actually crying? But you know what I mean. P.S the nerdfighters should have a special handshake xD

[thesorcerersstoned]

John, watching your videos makes me feel as if, even though everything's crap now, I will be okay.

[frankensteinmoneymac]

I need some love advice....I have fallen in love with my own ass! Has this happened to anyone else?!?!? I dont know what to do? Does anyone have any advice on how to ask my ass out? I am so afraid of being rejected! What do I do?!?!

[dmt543nerd]

Okay so, I'm a HS senior, and sometimes I wonder when hearing what guys are actually thinking I wonder if there is a chance for someone to actually look at me and get to know me and just love me for my nerdfighter super awesomeness.

[ScaryMara]

@dmt543nerd

I could say "yes, that day will come"

But I am a college senior and I am still waiting for that to happen for me.

So, I don't want to lie to you. But I do want you despair either. Just keep being you. Because being you is way better than having a boyfriend, if you have to choose.

[g2theIrishPianist]

Somebody's probably pointed this out, but not only is there a propeller beanie, but said beanie has a camel on it. That's just awesome.

[narnianqueen96]

What you said in your journal was a hell of a lot better than Edward Cullen!

[BeatlesSixtyFour]

Congrats, John. You actually managed to turn an oblong peace sign into a grenade.

Irony?

[landlvids]

middle school journals FOR THE WIN! hahaha this was amazing and i hope when i'm thirty i will look back at my middle school journals and read them to on the internet going "did i really write that?!?!" because that is amazing and immensly hilarious! oh man i'm going to be watching this video many time over XD

[layray210]

it's awesome how your books sound just like how you talk in your videos <33

[MarleyMe95]

LMFAO!!!

"I like rap, I like black nationalist rap."

I had to stop the video in order to collect myself.

[pbarnicles]

@MarleyMe95 I don't get it! Oh boy... Somebody please explain. Did he mean Whitney was boring, or was John referring to her body?

[superhotpink17]

lol!!

'i like rap. i like black nationalist rap.'

[MorgBorg14]

I had stopped watching you guys for a while, because I had a lot of college stuff to do and now I am really behind on videos. I am SO glad I started back up again, you brighten my day!

[TransfigureThis]

This is HYSTERICAL. And it's double hysterical if you turned on the "transcribe audio" captioning- you can "hear" John say things like "I like black nationalist rack," "she still flat a home on a donkey," "boys, when you buy a good girl, be nice to her," and "I turned out all right, I mean I'm a grown man wearing a bikini."

WIN.

[TheAcademyGirls]

how do you do that?

[hippyfriend]

@TransfigureThis

You may be interested to know that while the captions have improved somewhat it now reads, "I like black nationalist Iraq"

[TheSqueakyPickles]

"And I turned out alright, I mean I'm a grown man wearing a beanie... making videos on the... inter... net... Hank I'll see you tomorrow. 8D"

LOL. JOHN I LOVE YOU.

[pseudocaveman]

I lost it when you started quoting Vanilla Ice lyrics and said "I like rap. I like black, nationalist rap."

You are amazing, John.

[audidita]

to my suprise with half closed eyes?

[aerofreak44]

im an eighth grader, and its that bad. i look back at what ive written and im like. wtf, why did i write this. i like writing fiction short stories and they turn into the most retarded things ever. im so painfully wierd.:\

Romeo Oscar Tango Foxtrot Lima Mike Alpha Oscar!!!!!!