Sunday Night Live - Deep Thoughts

[jurassic512]

the voice is way off.

[a4riplegic]

2nd one was my fav haha

[bigEweil]

Like This video?

[ChickenVendetta]

Love is a snowmobile racing through the arctic tundra until it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come...

[SuperKingOfSwing1]

If my car ever goes off a cliff while I'm driving in it, I think it would be funny to yell, "the brake isn't working!"

[LittlePinkCar132]

If you go parachuting, and your parachute doesn't open, and you friends are all watching you fall, I think a funny gag would be to pretend you were swimming

[mrfilmnoir68]

"If you were a gangster who was out on a date with a girl for the first time, i bet it would be real embarrassing if someone tried to wack you."

[piercechan]

LOL, awesome!

[meglaw69]

The crows seemed to be calling his name thought Caw

[joshgret]

"I think that would be fun to go skydiving sometime before i die ... ... ... just not right before." - one of mine, see my channel for more, Jack Handey is my hero!

[Marcaveli7]

I really have to check out this SUNDAY Night Live, it sounds a lot like the show that plays on SATURDAYs

[AK74inCali]

What's up with the pea soup background and voice over? I'm guessing it the copyright? 

[MrMichelleMoonlight]

@SiriusMined

Can I just say: you made my day....

[bostonbaby85]

i must have mixed up harry caray with jack handy and when i read the quotes i imagined them in harry carays voice. they were way funnier in carays voice

[Zerofire18]

My favorite: It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

[Zenkai76]

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the persons house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

[smile221]

jack handey's deep thoughts are SO much funnier written down. the way i read them in my head seem to have much better comic timing. also they're not in this shitty annoying voice

[hotbbojbud]

@smile221 this is JACK JANDEY's voice /..... shiiit

[SiriusMined]

1st one - lame

2nd one - funny

3rd one - funny premise, poorly executed

4th one - funny

[kaiYadig]

@SiriusMined k joke police.

[SiriusMined]

@kaiYadig

When one posts things for public viewing, people get to form their own opinion of what you post.

[Muherdon]

@SiriusMined To be honest mate, no one really gives a fuck about your ratings, You may form your own opinion, that's fine. But don't fucking list them, no one wants to read that shit.

[SiriusMined]

@Muherdon

The irony of your reply is massive.

[BruceLeDouche]

@SiriusMined You guys are both morons and should shut the fuck up.

[SiriusMined]

@BruceLeDouche

"Le Douche" is a good name for you...

[Helllocutiepie]

@Muherdon lmao

[ghostrecon755]

I humbly turn the other cheek only to get what's actually coming.

[FullyAutoMathmatics]

I never really appreciated this kind of humor as a kid but now its really the only kind im entertained by.

Check my stand up comedy on my page yall if u wanna see some oldschool one liner type shit.

[newscoob]

@FullyAutoMathmatics Hey man, I checked your page after I read your comment, and thought it was pretty funny. Good job dude.

[wondersponge]

where the fuck is stuart smiley???? jack handy what in tarnation is a jack handy, you sir need to stop fuel the fire for retardation, and go fly a kite

[xmixaplix]

I can picture attacking that world too Jack, I can picture it too :P

[rongdisk23]

the second one made me giggle :)

[shagingmaster35]

meh

[AndresDX1]

this guy's a retard

[thedizzit]

@AndresDX1 your a retard for not understanding the humor

[AndresDX1]

@thedizzit yo momma

[jtgober87]

It makes me mad when I go to all the trouble of having Martha cook up about a hundred drumsticks, the the guy at the Marineland says, "You can't throw chicken to the dolphins. They eat fish."

Sure they eat fish . . . if that's all you give them! Man, wise up."

— Jack Handey



[TheAustinJack]

what is up with the audio?

[psychopomp88]

@TheAustinJack

I think someone just recorded the lines themselves, through the computer.

[tweetydean1998]

@TheAustinJack who cares?

[tracky3207]

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw. :D

[tracky3207]

One of my favorites is:

"If you drop your keys in a river of molten lava, forget them, 'cause man, they're gone".

:P

[tracky3207]

This is from SNL.

[jimbox114]

If you are ever high up in the mountains and think about stepping onto a cloud DON'T, you will probably just fall through.

I made that one up. I feel special lol.

[jimbox114]

I feel so enlightened.

[aslin81]

Attention Churches, don't try to be funny, or clever, or hell even intelligent... The fact that you believe in fiction proves that you can't be.

[dupontproject]

this isn't from snl. you are a fraud.

[gravityisweak]

@dupontproject You obviously don't watch SNL. This used to be a regular feature segment.

[dupontproject]

@gravityisweak i remember the segment, moron. but it was not THIS. This video was created by someone typing out the text and adding a stupid background. it's not jack handey's voice.

[gravityisweak]

@dupontproject Just like the 50,000 other Deep Thoughts videos on Youtube. Are you going to post on each one of those videos saying they are frauds too "moron"?

[dupontproject]

@gravityisweak Wow! That's alot of videos! And maybe i want to find a Deep Thoughts video and i find fake garbage. I will comment in the comment section if i want. why do you care what the fuck i do with my time? fag

[gravityisweak]

@dupontproject Ok whatever, mr internet tough guy. Whats next, you're gonna call my dick small or say you could beat me in a fight? Congrats in showing everyone how small children shouldn't use the internet without their parents nearby.

[dupontproject]

@gravityisweak "mr internet tough guy?" what does that mean? and what would i know about your dick or if you can fight?what are you even talking about? what a moron.

[gravityisweak]

@dupontproject Keep going, every time you type something you prove my point further. Write a few more deep thoughts of your own. So far the deepest you can get is moron. Your mom is proud of you.

[dupontproject]

@gravityisweak i don't even know what you are saying anymore. are you disputing that this video is an ACTUAL snl clip? do i have to call you more names than "moron" in order to have a deep thought? you don't make sense. i hope you never try to get into law school. what exactly IS your point that i keep proving? moron.

[tracky3207]

@dupontproject  This is from SNL from the 90's. It was one of my favorite segments they did.

[dupontproject]

@tracky3207 no it's not, idiot. its not from snl.

[doylefilm]

whenever i see something screech across the room and latch onto someone's neck, and they try to swat it off, i have to laugh, because, what is that thing?

[Youbian]

If I had a giant house, I would host a large group of travelers stranded by the Icelandic ash-cloud, We would stay up all night reading about science and volcanoes, learn about each others culture, and just have fun. Once the ash cloud abated and it was time for goodbyes, I would lock the doors and block the entryway with a woodsman's axe, but then I'd say,..... 'just kidding, you can leave.'

[jpeanrkode]

No, it's definitely not.

[jpeanrkode]

What song is playing?

[jamesinho]

not sure, i think its people = shit. but its definitely slipknot

[whitleyboo]

yesss!

[beers2257]

these were the greatest lil bits on snl , theyd throw this shit into the mix before the commercial and would make ya sit there for a minute sayin what the fuck was that lol, sprockets was cool too

[janglar]

Deep Thoughts with Jack Handey should be scrawled across the entrance to the Smithsonian

[DoctorLinst]

It isn't even SNL. Its just a cheap knockoff of the original SNL stuff that wasn't that funny to begin with.

[evilsinzy]

you infinite tard of uselessness, he wrote a billion of these. Of course SNL isn't going to do a skit on each one. SNL just picked the more popular ones. Now go hush and then shut the fuck up at the same time.

[DoctorLinst]

You missed the whole fucking point 'evil'

[evilsinzy]

well, I still don't like you.

[DoctorLinst]

That's OK.

[LiquidPopperoni]

lol

[supercmc]

stupid ass its saturday night live

[psychopomp88]

I think it's a joke

[snewso]

the first 3 were funny, the last one sucked

[ohhemma123]

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is God is crying. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is Probably because of something you did.

that's my favorite.

[300daysandnights]

If God dwells inside us like some people say, I sure hope He likes enchiladas, because that's what He's getting

[RainbowManification]

@300daysandnights lol.

[konman001]

@300daysandnights - Bible does dwell in some people, but majority of people have to contend with a wicked and adulterous heart that is inside of them.

By the way - there are no enchiladas in HELL.

[300daysandnights]

@konman001 it's people like you that don't show Christ's love and turn people off from Christianity. your like a rage filled wealthy Buddhist, a complete contradiction.

[konman001]

@300daysandnights - you are like a child who shows a hate-filled face to his father . . . a father who just spanked that child for not listening to his warning and running out on a busy street after the ball.

[300daysandnights]

@konman001 you're retarded.

[superrandomcreeper]

when i was a kid my friends and i use to play at uncle tom's cave after school and he sometimes killed one of use. It wasn't till late that i realised uncle tom was a bear.

[Saromatae]

I learned today that leaping a tall building in a single bound and leaping "from" a tall building in a single bound have really different meanings.

[Saromatae]

One night I went out into the street and lathered myself up with soap during a meteor shower. But it just wasn't the same. Then the police came.

[ddcrocks]

Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a

dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look

out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."

[Shannon1078]

Even though I was their captive, the Indians allowed me quite a bit of freedom. I could walk about freely, make my own meals, and even hurl large rocks at their heads. It was only later that I discovered they were not Indians at all, but dirty clothes hampers.

Of all my imaginary friends, I don't think there was one that I didn't end up having to kill.

Jack Handey Rocks!!!

[cbr4]

"That's funny. Those crows seem to be calling my name," thought Caw.

[xthatfatguyx]

i suppose ill join the fun........

When this girl at the art museum asked me whom I liked better, Monet or Manet,

I said, "I like mayonnaise." She just stared at me, so I said it again,

louder. Then she left. I guess she went to try to find some mayonnaise for me.

To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you

walk around. That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you

can say, "Sorry, got these sacks."

[xthatfatguyx]

I think it's high time we started questioning the old cliches like "Grunt big

for Daddy"

Folks still remember the day ole Bob Riley came bouncing down that dirt road

in his pickup. Pretty soon, it was bouncing higher and higher. The tires

popped, and the shocks broke, but that truck kept bouncing. Some say it

bounced clean over the moon, but whoever says that is a goddamn liar.

Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo.

hahahahaha im in tears haha

[altman5375]

my favorites are.....

It was as if the crows were calling his name, thought Caw

If a child asks me why it is raining i tell him, "Because God is Crying" if he asks why God is crying I tell him, "Probably because of something you did"

[tracky3207]

@altman5375 Those are 2 of my favorites too. :D

[BNL07604]

This guy is BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!!!!

[andros1984]

A couple of my favs:

I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver.

And since he's so busy, you'd probably have to run up to him real

quick and hand it to him.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flippy, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flippy, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone.

[MedicalOfficer]

If youre in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe itll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them." -Jack Handey

[GatesJJ92]

LMAO! the 3rd and the last one are the best!

[Zeuts85]

Rofl. The last one is my favorite.

[Horsenibbler]

Jack Handey is hilarious

[angelmassb]

"If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go, because, man, they're gone." ~Jack Handy~

[Merkaba334]

these are all classics. especially the third

[chaya89]

why.

[jackulator2]

nice job man - at first I was put off because it wasn't Al Franken's voice, but you picked four really good ones, and did a good job of reading the lines :D

[mgm319]

Jack Handey, who is a real person btw, was the one who actually read the Deep Thoughts and not Al Franken.

[jackulator2]

oh thanks - that's cool to know

it's been years since I saw an SNL from that era - just thinking back I thought it was Franken

I'm glad you told me though - the actual guy deserves credit

[hogiewan]

I thought someone would have some original deep thoughts.  why not just play the SNL clips?

[Jagerbomb79]

why does the ranking say -10 or better? awful, what is this shit? It is text on a screen, with some douche reading from a script

[asaguy]

Too bad SNL and NBC are money grubbing butt holes. All I wanna see is free reruns...

[heathlovesgina]

the real guy is much funnier than this, this is just stupid.

[ThiefInLaw]

leave it to some corny-ass church people to go and fuck up something like Jack Handy

[Slater0311]

I think that place with out war or hate is Canada, we attach at dawn

[Slater0311]

I think that place with our war or hate is Canada, we attach at dawn

[flukenews]

"You know it takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man."

[sshelget]

@flukenews I remember this one - the one you quoted!! In fact, that is the "Deep Thoughts" I came to YouTube to try and find!!

[mbepi1121]

For those mad scientists that keep human heads in jars, heres a tip, why not add a slice of lemon for freshness. hahahahaa

I have both of the books!

[Reesy257]

Are these supposed to be funny? theyre fuckin retarded.

[TastyBurritos]

AMEN!

[potatoes1256]

heres a good one: "As I bit into the peach, I was overwhelmed by the sweet juices that filled my mouth. I then realized that it was not a suculent peach, but a HUMAN HAND."

[landtastic]

"As I bit into the nectarine, it had a crisp juiciness about it that was very pleasurable - until I realized it wasn't a nectarine at all, but A HUMAN HEAD!"

jack handey has got to be one of the most misquoted/misappropriated dudes on the internet

[gotravgo]

WOW! thats not Saturday Night Live , why do so many idiots name their videos the way they do????

[swansonhungryman]

These were on SNL

[INGRox]

If you're driving you're car on a bridge and you suddenly fly off the bridge, do you still slam on the brakes?

[Scumdog]

Fuck church.

[potatoes1256]

screw that!!! it only closes your internet window, don't listen to him people!!!

[7beers]

There is nothing in this world funnier than Deep Thoughts and Jerky Boys.

[ilcapo92]

the last 2 are pretty funny

[leche09]

isnt it, uhh, saturday night live? not sunday?

[nachopony]

It's not quite the same, but tender-thoughts(.)com has some good "Jack Handy"-like quotes.

[KDAWGx7777777]

when i see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk i laugh,but then i think...what if I were an ant and she fell on me? then it wouldnt be quite so funny.

[brothersneakybitch]

thats the only one i can remember!!

[travegas]

why did someone feel the need to try and re-create something that was done so well before.

[sirjunjun]

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to a long stick.

[kshack]

"When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear"

[OnlyStar0z]

I love him! so funny

[moldypotatochip]

lol.... I love Jack Handey!

[danielhigdon]

Trevor???

[OgenB]

No these are the real ones.

[teafourtao]

i remember these being funny...however, these are extremely UNfunny, don't you think?

[preteenpoultry]

no man, these aren't UNfunny.

[shopaholic953]

yeah.. i agree

[dander337]

"The mountain holds many secrets, but the biggest is this, I am a fake mountain."

[MajikBooBear]

ive heard these all my dad has all the books from this man!!!LOL!!!! me and my parents read these and its funny...We have all his books!!!

[tastemirainbow1122]

classic

[lemoncurry19]

I don't get it... why was this shown in a church?

I wish I had a kryptonite cross. That way, I could keep both Dracula and Superman away.

[onemileaway]

It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man crying.

[MajikBooBear]

its actully it takes a big man to cry,but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man