Thank you hon forthat very emotional video. I am in the infant stages of transition for me, not yet on hormones ( have letter). Out to all my firends but not work. I feel these things now, without the hormonal influence and the issues of living full time yet. It appears your internal woman is havigng to catch up with your external. Maybe the internal woman should lead the way...........
Self examination is hard and sometimes scary. You may not feel you know yourself but the crazy thing is...even with the impact of your transition altering your life so much...we really never know who we are 100% of the time. The reason being is that, internally, we're always changing. We learn new things, make mistakes and gain knowledge, building and growing from the foundation of the people we have been and currently are. Don't be sad that you don't know who you are yet, you will find her.
I have an idea of what your going through. It's different for all of us. I am just now realizing in my transition how much I need other women in my life. Im lucky enough to be welcome at a Women's center that I can depend on. Hugs it will get better.
trying to get this videoresponse posted here; hrrnn...darn; don't see the post a videoresponse knob...love your hair in this one; girl you can wear just ANY hair and ALWAYS look so gorgeous.
GOD how pretty you look i have to say first. Then, i ALWAYS feel the need to make an immediate videoresponse to the emotional tides you define so eloquently, but crumble in awe of that, and start criticising myself and become too demented to be able to post them. But this time i will; i may not be so able to say it all in 10 minutes, hence my self destructive blatancy to fill the magical, frightening, truthful pull of the big black void of infinity...i'll call back to you, you inspiration, you..
I realize that I am transitioning at work next week and this is exciting.
I am ready because I took years to deal with an ugly childhood and then years of self hate. No I see my life as a world of discovery. My journey has been hard, but so is everyone'journey.
You should look at yourself and embrace your beauty, and then seek the next step in your journey. It is never over.
@KristenMac100 Kristi, Please put the self hate behind you, and believe that you are worthy of acceptance and love. I hope that all goes well with you at work. I believe that what works best is to make the minimum of fuss and just carry on getting the job sone without expecting special understanding or favour. Best wishes, Mark
Vixie anyone that even came close to walking down that same path that you have knows exactly or at least clostly what you are feeling I know i do and im pretty far from your place, life is life dont ever let it get the best of you. Best of luck
allways so inspyring to listen to you, this is only the begening of the rest of your life, you have so much to live for now, girl pay you a favor and enjoy every minute of it, your'e worth it. But i do feel you when you say that ther'es silence now, it takes a sort of a pause after such an important step as you did, give yourself a brake and enjoy the silence
my thoughts and prayers go out to you. A friend introduced me to your videos and you have become a great inspiration to me. I am a male to female transgender woman from Louisville and i just wanted to tell you that you have helped me. at times my transition has been tough and your videos have helped. I just had my 1 year rebirth day and things seem to be going so slow. when you said that its only been 3 years for you it gave me hope that it COULD happen to me. thanks again. hugs from Kentucky.
That silence is exactly where we find ourselves. I spent 20 trying to do away with my transgender nature and found that this journey is exactly what I needed to grow and become who I really am. It gave me courage enough to transition and pay the terrible price I have had to pay. Girl, keep walking the path and you will not be alone. There are thousands of us walking beside you.
Everything you say is so resonant to what I too have felt. Thank you for being so generous. You've had many gifts and you've paid them forward every one! Take your time. Print out what MayaTran writes below and put it right over your pillow! Listen to your silence - your whole world, your soul is singing in there! :~)
I understand fully where your coming from, and your video made so much sense to me right now just when I needed to hear it. Sweetie we will figure ourselves out when the time is right. So for now i'm sending you a giant hug from myself.
You are lovely, your video is lovely. It left me with a calm vision of waves washing ashore & returning to the sea. I will have a more peacceful day for having seen it. I do believe you will find your way. Best wishes.
Hugs. That's Gender Dysphoria, alright. It was always there, messing up what would be a normal life's progression. When actions are taken to eliminate the GID, the dysphoria goes away and for the first time you get to see and know who you are.You said that there is a kind of quiet now and you have all these rooms to explore. What I found after I got surgery was that life was still the same shit pile it was before my surgery, but now, I really liked myself. Now I can do the work to fix things.
Jane, Thoughtful video. How do we move on ? We listen patiently for a quiet voice of encouragement. We try not to be so busy and noisy that we miss that quiet voice.
I got alot out of the video, as always from all that you post. You have been for many in the Transcommunity a wonderful brillant beacon. Dispensing Knowlege, humor and as always your excent wit. I agree with TRANSsk8r420, perhaps that is it as they suggest, you have reached a goal your lifes goal.. I like many will watch and listen and comment no matter what you wish to speak on, Its not about the transition, we listen because we like you as a person.
"We need not fear stillness. It is not the silence of self-censorship. Instead, let's look for the places where quiet resides deep within us and in the natural world. Let's deliberately turn to those places for rest and refurbishment. Let's renew our sense of self-hood and purpose, un-distracted by the conflict and clamour of other's demands and of our own stream of thoughts. In the depths of stillness, we can find our own voice. Today, I create the quiet that nurtures me."
As in Star Trek movie - Veger asked "is this all there is? is there nothing more?" When the "ultimate goal" has been reached, what now - life without the need to get that one thing done can be empty. Realization of the goal creates a need for another big thing in your life but deciding on what that is can be confusing when the last goal was so clear.
Living well as who you knew you were is that goal. Proving it wasn't a fantasy but an affirmation of your being.
please dont feel so down. ur just feeling restless cuz you reached your goal in transition. it doesnt have to do with being trans, all people who reach their life goal feel this. "a person who worked all their life to be a surgeon finally reaches their goal. then what?" you just have to keep giving yourself goals. experience more, learn more, grow in other ways. just live
One of your most profound messages. Do we have to lose ourself to find ourself? If we are bound in preconceived notions and beliefs about ourselves are we truly open to what is the new reality? To know myself with certainty what my purpose in life is, beyond a checklist of surgical procedures is an important goal. I think the most important things in life are sharing love, feeling appreciated, and making a difference in the world.
Out of order... Continued from my earlier comment. I want you to continue to deal with the issues at hand but I need you to also take time to view & embrace the good things too. One step at a time... You may also like to read the book; "Who Moved The Cheese". Sometimes the anticipated goal is only an "over sized milestone". Continue to work your way through & know you are loved & valued. Don't let the dark side take you from the good things in life. Hugs & Best Wishes.
Jayne, great title & use of the ebb & flow of life... Everyone has this ebb & flow in their lives. You're also correct to point out the relative speed of your GRS & becoming a beautiful "young" woman with a lot of transition left to go. I think you're aware of those boxed up issues & should handle them individually. You have a lot of life to live as well.
Hi Jane good to see you. yes your vid i understand. in life we must live. i guess it really dont matter the little things. living it is where we find ourselves and by living it is how others come to know us too.try not to think to hard of it just live this gift and seek out the happiness. much love Katie
Finding ourselves is hard enough without any excess pressures and challenges so I can't even imagine figuring transition into all of it. My wife and I talked a lot about how fast that I came out and changed my entire life bu then had that "ebb" happen a few years later. Do you think that we might have to have that momentum to help us keep our courage at first? Things even out...thankfully...eventually. In the void, you keep doing what you know is right & follow that to the next right place.
May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses. May those frightened cease to be afraid, and may those bound be free. May the powerless find power, and may people think of befriending one another.May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness– the children, the aged, the unprotected– be guarded by beneficial celestials, and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.
Change in life is inevitable. Without it, things would get boring. Sometimes, change has to be forced in order to clear the decks to allow ourselves to grow as the people whom we are meant to become. You will be okay. Here is something that will hopefully help you out as you make your way in life ...
How I cherish you....that silence you mention is something I felt at a similar moment and even now, years later, I find it has returned for me, as I face those same choices, that constant sense of standing at once at an abyss and a beginning, always already beginning and ending. Much love....Sarah
One thing that has helped me through difficult times has been allowing my feelings to unfold naturally and fully as they are being felt. I find it helpful and enjoyable to develop ways of communicating with myself nonverbally, like with art. Be gentle with yourself. The kindness, love and compassion that you bring yourself now comes back when you need it most. :)
Wow, Thank You. Very touching. I can see were thoses questions will arise as transition be comes less of a project an folcal point in my life. Maybe with this insight I can perpair myself a bit better. Thank you.
All your viewers demonstrate that there is a lot about you that's very special, and it's not just the transition aspects. Perhaps you can find ways of tapping into those special aspects and run with them. You may want to tap into some of the activism aspects of you to forge a path in other directions. Cheers. ^_^
@tobyr3 Thank you sweetheart. I've been dipping my feet into the stream that is "me" and now its time to submerge and be carried :) - This is even kind-of poetic!
This year is of great change not just for you , but the world smile ,cry be happyand be sad its beautifull life is and you are part of this life . So that makes you beautifull. Sorry for the spelling : )
We walk thought the void, and feel what is going on inside of us. The onlything we can know to be ture is change. No matter if it in us are outside of us........
As I walk, as I walk
The universe is walking with me
In beauty it walks befor me
In beauty it walks behind me
In beauty it walks below me
In beauty it walks above me
Beauty is on every side
As I walk, I walk with beauty ------- Traditional Navajo prayer
Your gratitude is a admirable personality trait. Three months, life slows down and then we live life again for real again. We now begin to sort out direction for ourselves and yes love you are again at the beginning. This time you get the chance to set things straight and experience life as you yourself decide who Jayne will become and who she is and how she got to this place of self contempaltion. I am so proud of you and I know in my heart that you be the person you were meant to be, huggerz
Transition leaves us very vulnerable - not only to others but to the depths of our own selves. But that is really the only way of growing and coming to know yourself, to think for yourself. Its hard, but so worth it, and even beautiful - hidden somewhere between the tears.
I think this quote is attributed to Tim Leary: "To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself."
I know EXACTLY what you mean by ebb and flow of transition. I've always thought of it as fractal iterations, with each time around building upon the past, with the mundane sandwiched in the middle. Kind of like rings on a tree. Each ring of growth makes the tree thicker and more complex, with the dead rings marking the passage of time as a measurement of growth.
Thank you hon forthat very emotional video. I am in the infant stages of transition for me, not yet on hormones ( have letter). Out to all my firends but not work. I feel these things now, without the hormonal influence and the issues of living full time yet. It appears your internal woman is havigng to catch up with your external. Maybe the internal woman should lead the way...........
SophiaAphrodite 3 weeks ago
Self examination is hard and sometimes scary. You may not feel you know yourself but the crazy thing is...even with the impact of your transition altering your life so much...we really never know who we are 100% of the time. The reason being is that, internally, we're always changing. We learn new things, make mistakes and gain knowledge, building and growing from the foundation of the people we have been and currently are. Don't be sad that you don't know who you are yet, you will find her.
glyphreader 1 month ago
Your best enrty to date. Thank you,Jane
jazzmanchazz 1 month ago in playlist More videos from TransLifeandBody
I have an idea of what your going through. It's different for all of us. I am just now realizing in my transition how much I need other women in my life. Im lucky enough to be welcome at a Women's center that I can depend on. Hugs it will get better.
erallen97 1 month ago
trying to get this videoresponse posted here; hrrnn...darn; don't see the post a videoresponse knob...love your hair in this one; girl you can wear just ANY hair and ALWAYS look so gorgeous.
loetje 1 month ago
I am sorry.
StacyTood 1 month ago
GOD how pretty you look i have to say first. Then, i ALWAYS feel the need to make an immediate videoresponse to the emotional tides you define so eloquently, but crumble in awe of that, and start criticising myself and become too demented to be able to post them. But this time i will; i may not be so able to say it all in 10 minutes, hence my self destructive blatancy to fill the magical, frightening, truthful pull of the big black void of infinity...i'll call back to you, you inspiration, you..
loetje 1 month ago
I realize that I am transitioning at work next week and this is exciting.
I am ready because I took years to deal with an ugly childhood and then years of self hate. No I see my life as a world of discovery. My journey has been hard, but so is everyone'journey.
You should look at yourself and embrace your beauty, and then seek the next step in your journey. It is never over.
Hugs
Kristi
KristenMac100 1 month ago
@KristenMac100 Kristi, Please put the self hate behind you, and believe that you are worthy of acceptance and love. I hope that all goes well with you at work. I believe that what works best is to make the minimum of fuss and just carry on getting the job sone without expecting special understanding or favour. Best wishes, Mark
markreilly52 1 month ago
Iam glad you like ...
earthpilgrim0 1 month ago
Vixie anyone that even came close to walking down that same path that you have knows exactly or at least clostly what you are feeling I know i do and im pretty far from your place, life is life dont ever let it get the best of you. Best of luck
8315121 1 month ago
allways so inspyring to listen to you, this is only the begening of the rest of your life, you have so much to live for now, girl pay you a favor and enjoy every minute of it, your'e worth it. But i do feel you when you say that ther'es silence now, it takes a sort of a pause after such an important step as you did, give yourself a brake and enjoy the silence
francemtl 1 month ago
my thoughts and prayers go out to you. A friend introduced me to your videos and you have become a great inspiration to me. I am a male to female transgender woman from Louisville and i just wanted to tell you that you have helped me. at times my transition has been tough and your videos have helped. I just had my 1 year rebirth day and things seem to be going so slow. when you said that its only been 3 years for you it gave me hope that it COULD happen to me. thanks again. hugs from Kentucky.
sarahmbrown82 1 month ago
wow that made me so sad. thank you for sharing . i do not share this same experience but you have helped me understand. thank you.
84source 1 month ago
keep up your strength! your the greatest... thank you for your videos, they give me strength!
thank you
blnami 1 month ago
That silence is exactly where we find ourselves. I spent 20 trying to do away with my transgender nature and found that this journey is exactly what I needed to grow and become who I really am. It gave me courage enough to transition and pay the terrible price I have had to pay. Girl, keep walking the path and you will not be alone. There are thousands of us walking beside you.
Edelweiss1424 1 month ago 3
I see joy sparkling in your tears!
jeaniewallenstein 1 month ago
Everything you say is so resonant to what I too have felt. Thank you for being so generous. You've had many gifts and you've paid them forward every one! Take your time. Print out what MayaTran writes below and put it right over your pillow! Listen to your silence - your whole world, your soul is singing in there! :~)
jeaniewallenstein 1 month ago
I understand fully where your coming from, and your video made so much sense to me right now just when I needed to hear it. Sweetie we will figure ourselves out when the time is right. So for now i'm sending you a giant hug from myself.
CharleneMarks 1 month ago
You are lovely, your video is lovely. It left me with a calm vision of waves washing ashore & returning to the sea. I will have a more peacceful day for having seen it. I do believe you will find your way. Best wishes.
Falseharpist 1 month ago
thank you, it made allot of sense -- allot to think about -- thanks again
TGlife4Jessica 1 month ago
Hugs!!!
elvis3700 1 month ago
Hugs. That's Gender Dysphoria, alright. It was always there, messing up what would be a normal life's progression. When actions are taken to eliminate the GID, the dysphoria goes away and for the first time you get to see and know who you are.You said that there is a kind of quiet now and you have all these rooms to explore. What I found after I got surgery was that life was still the same shit pile it was before my surgery, but now, I really liked myself. Now I can do the work to fix things.
Leona1950 1 month ago
Hello Jayne, no big words today just a big hug sweetheart xx
TheRavenlament 1 month ago
Jane, Thoughtful video. How do we move on ? We listen patiently for a quiet voice of encouragement. We try not to be so busy and noisy that we miss that quiet voice.
markreilly52 1 month ago
BEAUTIFUL!
vzballa 1 month ago
Thank you,
I got alot out of the video, as always from all that you post. You have been for many in the Transcommunity a wonderful brillant beacon. Dispensing Knowlege, humor and as always your excent wit. I agree with TRANSsk8r420, perhaps that is it as they suggest, you have reached a goal your lifes goal.. I like many will watch and listen and comment no matter what you wish to speak on, Its not about the transition, we listen because we like you as a person.
AtomikAppleYT 1 month ago
"We need not fear stillness. It is not the silence of self-censorship. Instead, let's look for the places where quiet resides deep within us and in the natural world. Let's deliberately turn to those places for rest and refurbishment. Let's renew our sense of self-hood and purpose, un-distracted by the conflict and clamour of other's demands and of our own stream of thoughts. In the depths of stillness, we can find our own voice. Today, I create the quiet that nurtures me."
TheMayaTran 1 month ago 7
@TheMayaTran That's so beautiful!!! Thank you!!!
loetje 1 month ago
As in Star Trek movie - Veger asked "is this all there is? is there nothing more?" When the "ultimate goal" has been reached, what now - life without the need to get that one thing done can be empty. Realization of the goal creates a need for another big thing in your life but deciding on what that is can be confusing when the last goal was so clear.
Living well as who you knew you were is that goal. Proving it wasn't a fantasy but an affirmation of your being.
10susan10 1 month ago
please dont feel so down. ur just feeling restless cuz you reached your goal in transition. it doesnt have to do with being trans, all people who reach their life goal feel this. "a person who worked all their life to be a surgeon finally reaches their goal. then what?" you just have to keep giving yourself goals. experience more, learn more, grow in other ways. just live
TRANSsk8r420 1 month ago
One of your most profound messages. Do we have to lose ourself to find ourself? If we are bound in preconceived notions and beliefs about ourselves are we truly open to what is the new reality? To know myself with certainty what my purpose in life is, beyond a checklist of surgical procedures is an important goal. I think the most important things in life are sharing love, feeling appreciated, and making a difference in the world.
netnut7 1 month ago
Your a true blessing to us, LadyV! :)
redeemdangel 1 month ago
even if it may seem nonsensical to you, there is definitely some good stuff in there. I always enjoy your messages. Be well :)
elind85 1 month ago
Out of order... Continued from my earlier comment. I want you to continue to deal with the issues at hand but I need you to also take time to view & embrace the good things too. One step at a time... You may also like to read the book; "Who Moved The Cheese". Sometimes the anticipated goal is only an "over sized milestone". Continue to work your way through & know you are loved & valued. Don't let the dark side take you from the good things in life. Hugs & Best Wishes.
FirehouseMike 1 month ago
Jayne, great title & use of the ebb & flow of life... Everyone has this ebb & flow in their lives. You're also correct to point out the relative speed of your GRS & becoming a beautiful "young" woman with a lot of transition left to go. I think you're aware of those boxed up issues & should handle them individually. You have a lot of life to live as well.
Hugs & Best Wishes.
FirehouseMike 1 month ago
Hi Jane good to see you. yes your vid i understand. in life we must live. i guess it really dont matter the little things. living it is where we find ourselves and by living it is how others come to know us too.try not to think to hard of it just live this gift and seek out the happiness. much love Katie
msseabreeze1 1 month ago
Finding ourselves is hard enough without any excess pressures and challenges so I can't even imagine figuring transition into all of it. My wife and I talked a lot about how fast that I came out and changed my entire life bu then had that "ebb" happen a few years later. Do you think that we might have to have that momentum to help us keep our courage at first? Things even out...thankfully...eventually. In the void, you keep doing what you know is right & follow that to the next right place.
PaintedRavensong 1 month ago
A Buddhist Prayer for Peace ~
May all beings everywhere plagued with sufferings of body and mind quickly be freed from their illnesses. May those frightened cease to be afraid, and may those bound be free. May the powerless find power, and may people think of befriending one another.May those who find themselves in trackless, fearful wilderness– the children, the aged, the unprotected– be guarded by beneficial celestials, and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.
Much love,
Hugs/Kisses
mystriousgrl 1 month ago
Jayne~
Change in life is inevitable. Without it, things would get boring. Sometimes, change has to be forced in order to clear the decks to allow ourselves to grow as the people whom we are meant to become. You will be okay. Here is something that will hopefully help you out as you make your way in life ...
(Part II to follow ... )
mystriousgrl 1 month ago
How I cherish you....that silence you mention is something I felt at a similar moment and even now, years later, I find it has returned for me, as I face those same choices, that constant sense of standing at once at an abyss and a beginning, always already beginning and ending. Much love....Sarah
unmeasuredinstances 1 month ago
Hi sweetie!!! Thinking of you !!! I hope you are well. You look lovely as always!!!
elvis3700 1 month ago
you totally are beautiful i really admire that. Thank you for your authenticity in this video it certainly made sense. :) and i got alot out of it.
PaperStory 1 month ago
Thank you so much for sharing. *Hearts and Hugs*
One thing that has helped me through difficult times has been allowing my feelings to unfold naturally and fully as they are being felt. I find it helpful and enjoyable to develop ways of communicating with myself nonverbally, like with art. Be gentle with yourself. The kindness, love and compassion that you bring yourself now comes back when you need it most. :)
Wishing you all the best.
♥Andria
Gamercat01 1 month ago
Wow, Thank You. Very touching. I can see were thoses questions will arise as transition be comes less of a project an folcal point in my life. Maybe with this insight I can perpair myself a bit better. Thank you.
meottome 1 month ago
Electrolysis? Girl, if its not an issue, don't make it one. Buy one of those new facial hair removal balms from olay and save yourself a headache :P
ApplesThatRead 1 month ago
@ApplesThatRead I've never heard of this facial hair removal. Have you tried it? Does it work?
TransLifeandBody 1 month ago
@TransLifeandBody Only about as permanent as Nair, just minus the skin damage.
ApplesThatRead 1 month ago
All your viewers demonstrate that there is a lot about you that's very special, and it's not just the transition aspects. Perhaps you can find ways of tapping into those special aspects and run with them. You may want to tap into some of the activism aspects of you to forge a path in other directions. Cheers. ^_^
tobyr3 1 month ago
@tobyr3 Thank you sweetheart. I've been dipping my feet into the stream that is "me" and now its time to submerge and be carried :) - This is even kind-of poetic!
TransLifeandBody 1 month ago
This year is of great change not just for you , but the world smile ,cry be happyand be sad its beautifull life is and you are part of this life . So that makes you beautifull. Sorry for the spelling : )
earthpilgrim0 1 month ago
@earthpilgrim0 Wonderful way to think about it! Thank you!
TransLifeandBody 1 month ago
We walk thought the void, and feel what is going on inside of us. The onlything we can know to be ture is change. No matter if it in us are outside of us........
As I walk, as I walk
The universe is walking with me
In beauty it walks befor me
In beauty it walks behind me
In beauty it walks below me
In beauty it walks above me
Beauty is on every side
As I walk, I walk with beauty ------- Traditional Navajo prayer
earthpilgrim0 1 month ago
@earthpilgrim0 Thanks for sharing this prayer. I really like it! <3
TransLifeandBody 1 month ago
Your gratitude is a admirable personality trait. Three months, life slows down and then we live life again for real again. We now begin to sort out direction for ourselves and yes love you are again at the beginning. This time you get the chance to set things straight and experience life as you yourself decide who Jayne will become and who she is and how she got to this place of self contempaltion. I am so proud of you and I know in my heart that you be the person you were meant to be, huggerz
Jenna08848 1 month ago
@Jenna08848 Thank you momma! You are such an inspirational person in my life. I can't wait to see you again. Miss ya!
TransLifeandBody 1 month ago
Transition leaves us very vulnerable - not only to others but to the depths of our own selves. But that is really the only way of growing and coming to know yourself, to think for yourself. Its hard, but so worth it, and even beautiful - hidden somewhere between the tears.
I think this quote is attributed to Tim Leary: "To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself."
ShadowDensity 1 month ago
I know EXACTLY what you mean by ebb and flow of transition. I've always thought of it as fractal iterations, with each time around building upon the past, with the mundane sandwiched in the middle. Kind of like rings on a tree. Each ring of growth makes the tree thicker and more complex, with the dead rings marking the passage of time as a measurement of growth.
ShadowDensity 1 month ago
@ShadowDensity Wow that is so beautifully put! Thank you for sharing!
TransLifeandBody 1 month ago