Always interestedin a Kermodia rant but thre is no way you could make an interesting Wicker man film in my opinion becaue the original one was so boring anyway. Its just Edward Woodward banging on about God and Jesus, Christopher Lee coming on in stentatorian fashion and banging about how he believes in spirits. There were some good set pieces, like the women trying to tempt Woodward, but the characters were so wooden and one dimensional I just didn't care when Woodward was killed.
Yes, the remake was a pile of cack, but the searing reviews are wonderful. I can almost forgive the remake, 'cos it let Mark Kermode do his thing on it.
Wicker Man remake is disgustingly terrible. Its a pure example of how Hollywood "Stylize" films to suit wot they think the generation wants and expects today. Make sumthin dark and gritty and they cant handle it lol. Wot wud a RoboCop remake b like today. Murphy's torture wud probably involve him being tied to a chair, matches forcing his eyes open, being made to watch re-runs of Glee all day. And I know RoboCop and Wicker man r 2 diffo films, and it went off track but its just a point.
I just love the original Wicker Man - so creepy and haunting with great music and acting throughout - one of my all time favourite films. The remake however, just sucks. How did that thing even get made?!
heh he nice one Mark, I've never bothered with the remake, mostly because I can't stand Nicholas Cage but also because I love the original, and can't see how any sort of remake could bring anything new to the story.
@JamesOhGoodie Well remember, "Not the Bees" is part of the alternate ending that is only avaliable on DVD. I saw the film in theatres for a laugh and it cut that whole scene out, opting to have "Killing me won't bring back your goddamn honey" in voiceover.
And, to be honest, if you don't know what happens at the end of the Wicker Man then where have you been living for the last forty years, in a stranded hut in the middle of Antarctica? It's like the ending of Citizen Kane, or The Empire Strikes Back, or Planet of the Apes - a twist so well known it's gone through cultural osmosis and been referenced/parodied in everything from the Simpsons to Garfield. You might as well be complaining about people spoiling the New Testament.
"The Wicker Tree" is supposed to come out this year. Directed by the original director, and based on a book by him. Apparently it's part of a trilogy.
The thing is, the men vs women angle could have worked. There's this idea that women are taking more and more places in the workplace and men are immasculated more and more. It could have worked and Labute has worked on this subject before. But he makes this incredibly boring movie here.
There are more islands off the coast of the US than you might think, especially off the coast of Washington. Also, cell phone coverage is still spotty across much of the US.
I have never watched a film because of Nicholas Cage. In fact, the fact that he is in it should surely mean it doesn`t require reviewing. He is to me on a par with Keanu Reeves.
He has a handful of solid films: Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, Raising Arizona, Wild at Heart, Bringing Out the Dead, Matchstick Men. Recently, he gave a terrific performance in Werner Herzog's remake of Bad Lieutenant. Yeah, he's done a lot of garbage, but I don't like to write him off completely. And at least when he's bad, he's interesting whereas Keanu Reeves is just a plank.
@TulseLuper Keanu is pretty solid in Thumbsucker and The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. But in general I agree. If you were to cut him in half, he would have rings.
@UlsterWinger Actually, that's true. He does have his moments. He's also excellent in The Gift, and of course, Bill & Ted because of the perfect casting.
@TheEvilelvis89 Absolutely. I forgot about that one. He does have his moments for sure, and I can think of worse actors: Orloondo Bland, Michael Pitt, David Caruso...
@TulseLuper "The Gift" is perhaps the only movie where Keanu Reeves actually comes off as genuinely menacing. Sam Raimi deserves HUGE credit for getting that performance out of him.
Yay! Iv seen this movie. The new one = not good! I can't even remember this one, just remember everyone is strange in the village, got scared when i saw the two twins who were blind. Same woodish acting from Cage!
nicolas cage isn't a chameleon. he acts the same in each movie.
PcGamingRig 4 days ago
Nicholas Cage is a crashing bore
randomdave30 4 days ago
Always interestedin a Kermodia rant but thre is no way you could make an interesting Wicker man film in my opinion becaue the original one was so boring anyway. Its just Edward Woodward banging on about God and Jesus, Christopher Lee coming on in stentatorian fashion and banging about how he believes in spirits. There were some good set pieces, like the women trying to tempt Woodward, but the characters were so wooden and one dimensional I just didn't care when Woodward was killed.
BelatedCommiseration 1 week ago
Oh God, not the critics! NOT THE CRITICS! Blaaaarglarglarglarglar pfffth pfffth ahhhhhhhrgh.
TheHuntress144 3 weeks ago
@TheHuntress144 They're in my eyes, oh god, there in my eyes!
Doug31415 2 weeks ago
the idea of replacing it with men vs women was not a bad one but the execution was atrocious
skinwalkerxxx 3 weeks ago
I'm surprised he didn't mention the bearsuit or sidekicking teenage girls.
squamish4244 1 month ago
The bees, not the beessssss arggggghhhh
gatwick123 1 month ago
Yes, the remake was a pile of cack, but the searing reviews are wonderful. I can almost forgive the remake, 'cos it let Mark Kermode do his thing on it.
KapStuf 2 months ago
wicker man (2006) sucks cow pat.
spyrothedragon590 2 months ago 2
NOT THE BEES!!!
291rachel 3 months ago 3
how can you not know if you've seen the wicker man or not?! Stupid hole.
dontleademsomuch 3 months ago
They're in my ass!
MY ASS!
YAAARRAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!
zionravescene 5 months ago
Wicker Man remake is disgustingly terrible. Its a pure example of how Hollywood "Stylize" films to suit wot they think the generation wants and expects today. Make sumthin dark and gritty and they cant handle it lol. Wot wud a RoboCop remake b like today. Murphy's torture wud probably involve him being tied to a chair, matches forcing his eyes open, being made to watch re-runs of Glee all day. And I know RoboCop and Wicker man r 2 diffo films, and it went off track but its just a point.
RaikenXion 5 months ago
lol, what his kermode doing in that photo at the end?
clockworkscott 6 months ago
@clockworkscott All I know is that he's with Andy Serkis there. As he's taking a bow, I always use it as the final photo in these.
TulseLuper 6 months ago
Nick's almighty karate kick was the best scene in the film and a classic Cage moment.
JerkyFraser 6 months ago
Oh that Edwoodwoodwood
DulBeat 7 months ago
I just love the original Wicker Man - so creepy and haunting with great music and acting throughout - one of my all time favourite films. The remake however, just sucks. How did that thing even get made?!
livee89 8 months ago
You didn't hate it enough Mark. C'mon, I thought you were a fan of the masterful original.
allaboutdmagic 8 months ago
OH a matriarchal CULT. Thought Kermode had said something entirely inappropriate for 3pm radio for a second there...
JackBrindelli 9 months ago 3
Comment removed
Passerby7392 10 months ago
heh he nice one Mark, I've never bothered with the remake, mostly because I can't stand Nicholas Cage but also because I love the original, and can't see how any sort of remake could bring anything new to the story.
tjf4375 11 months ago
On the upside, they made a great comedic gem here.
Jcolinsol 1 year ago
How'd it get burned? HOW'D IT GET BUUUUUUUUUUUUURNED how'd it get burned?!
FunkyLobstah 1 year ago 6
Killing me won't bring back your GODDAMN HONEY
ehmazin 1 year ago 2
Actually the best line in "The Wicker Man" was "Step away from the bike!"
mastershake99999 1 year ago 3
No not the BEEEESSSSSE!
Gandalfgrey93 1 year ago 2
Any chance we can relaunch 'Take the High Road' with Nic Cage?
"OOH NOO!"
PurushaDesa 1 year ago
just watched the original really no where near as frightening as mark made it out to be
roloug95 1 year ago
I really do wish Simon Mayo would shut the f**k up!
defmutestudio 1 year ago
"STEP AWAY FROM THAT AWFUL REMAKE !!"
666nours666 1 year ago 3
Best bit is when Nic' punches some woman in the face lol
mackychloe 1 year ago
I love ya Mark, but the best line in that movie is *deep breath* NOT THE BEES!!!
JamesOhGoodie 1 year ago 10
@JamesOhGoodie Well remember, "Not the Bees" is part of the alternate ending that is only avaliable on DVD. I saw the film in theatres for a laugh and it cut that whole scene out, opting to have "Killing me won't bring back your goddamn honey" in voiceover.
TulseLuper 1 year ago 4
@JamesOhGoodie
They're in my ass! they're in my ass!
Jcolinsol 1 year ago
@JamesOhGoodie i refute, i think after his legs are broken and he goes 'ow, my legs'
also mark's impression of cage sounds like sly stallone
tarongaleela 8 months ago
Take the fire within you... make the baby grooooow!
Creepy as fuck.
pgl0897 1 year ago
The best line of the film is
"""".. KILLING ME WONT BRING BACK YOUR GODDAMN HONEY!!""""
mcfarlanerd 1 year ago 5
@mcfarlanerd
Actually my personal favourite is just before that with the exposition par excellence of :
"THIS IS MURDER! MURDER! YOU'LL ALL BE GUILTY! AND YOU'RE DOING IT FOR NOTHING!"
TheConciseStatement 1 year ago
Why the fuck did they remake 'the wicker man' - one of the best films there is
dowling1981 1 year ago
About the original Wicker Man: there is nothing, nothing, nothing scarier than Christopher Lee prancing around a fire with long hair. Trust me.
RIP Edward Woodward, a man whose name he said sounded like someone farting in the bath.
sulijoo 1 year ago 2
Massive spoilers here from Kermode, basically tells you the ending of the original and thus the remake!?
OpenCasketMaterial 1 year ago
Very broadly. He says that there is a confrontation with the wicker man but not much else.
TulseLuper 1 year ago 2
@TulseLuper
And, to be honest, if you don't know what happens at the end of the Wicker Man then where have you been living for the last forty years, in a stranded hut in the middle of Antarctica? It's like the ending of Citizen Kane, or The Empire Strikes Back, or Planet of the Apes - a twist so well known it's gone through cultural osmosis and been referenced/parodied in everything from the Simpsons to Garfield. You might as well be complaining about people spoiling the New Testament.
TheThing88 1 year ago
@TheThing88 Maybe he's been living on Summer Isle?! lol
BlowDeBloodyDoorsOff 1 year ago
"The Wicker Tree" is supposed to come out this year. Directed by the original director, and based on a book by him. Apparently it's part of a trilogy.
pooh1234567890 1 year ago
Hilarious!
alabam5 2 years ago
The thing is, the men vs women angle could have worked. There's this idea that women are taking more and more places in the workplace and men are immasculated more and more. It could have worked and Labute has worked on this subject before. But he makes this incredibly boring movie here.
skinwalkerxxx 2 years ago
This comment has received too many negative votes show
Kermode is SUCH an obnoxious, smug, self-serving TWAT!!!!!
jackal2071 2 years ago
What, you actually liked the Wicker Man remake?
TulseLuper 2 years ago 3
jackal's got a point.
He does come off as annoying at times.
dante1562 2 years ago
@jackal2071 Self-serving? Do explain.
Gaalsien 2 years ago
NOT THE BEES!
TheCyberToad 2 years ago 5
God, Kermode, your hands are massive.
Herobelle 2 years ago 4
@Herobelle That's because he plays the Double Bass, you need big, strong hands to play it.
BlowDeBloodyDoorsOff 1 year ago
There are more islands off the coast of the US than you might think, especially off the coast of Washington. Also, cell phone coverage is still spotty across much of the US.
Still a good review though.
TheSilhouette 2 years ago
I have never watched a film because of Nicholas Cage. In fact, the fact that he is in it should surely mean it doesn`t require reviewing. He is to me on a par with Keanu Reeves.
PhilipPorter 2 years ago 5
He has a handful of solid films: Leaving Las Vegas, Adaptation, Raising Arizona, Wild at Heart, Bringing Out the Dead, Matchstick Men. Recently, he gave a terrific performance in Werner Herzog's remake of Bad Lieutenant. Yeah, he's done a lot of garbage, but I don't like to write him off completely. And at least when he's bad, he's interesting whereas Keanu Reeves is just a plank.
TulseLuper 2 years ago 6
@TulseLuper Keanu is pretty solid in Thumbsucker and The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. But in general I agree. If you were to cut him in half, he would have rings.
UlsterWinger 1 year ago
@UlsterWinger Actually, that's true. He does have his moments. He's also excellent in The Gift, and of course, Bill & Ted because of the perfect casting.
TulseLuper 1 year ago
@TulseLuper
can I also add "my own private idaho" to the list of good keanu movies and performances ?
TheEvilelvis89 1 year ago
@TheEvilelvis89 Absolutely. I forgot about that one. He does have his moments for sure, and I can think of worse actors: Orloondo Bland, Michael Pitt, David Caruso...
TulseLuper 1 year ago
@TulseLuper
funny enough, I like michael pitt lol but anyway to each their own. but I agree ehole heartedly with david caruso. my god he's awful....
TheEvilelvis89 1 year ago
@TulseLuper
funny enough, I like michael pitt lol but anyway to each their own. but I agree whole heartedly with david caruso. my god he's awful....
TheEvilelvis89 1 year ago
@TulseLuper "The Gift" is perhaps the only movie where Keanu Reeves actually comes off as genuinely menacing. Sam Raimi deserves HUGE credit for getting that performance out of him.
JamesOhGoodie 1 year ago
yep, if you threw nicholas cage, keanu reeves and clive owen into a forest you wouldnt be able to tell between them and the trees.
soupie 2 years ago
One of the wost films I've ever seen
indianna22 2 years ago 2
I like that Mr. Kermode noticed that they so butchered the setup and execution of the end of the remake that they had to add a shitty denouement.
Jcolinsol 2 years ago 2
RIP Edward Woodwood
Flipflopab 2 years ago 46
@Flipflopab woodward*
roloug95 1 year ago
"Oooh noooh!"
TheConciseStatement 2 years ago 5
Step AWAY from the bike!
RockBottomRiser21 2 years ago 25
Hilarious film. The most I've ever laughed, honestly.
rherrick123 2 years ago 6
haha! which version of the wicker man, made yeh laugh?
bladrunner6 2 years ago
the one he's talking about (the remake).
rherrick123 2 years ago
Yay! Iv seen this movie. The new one = not good! I can't even remember this one, just remember everyone is strange in the village, got scared when i saw the two twins who were blind. Same woodish acting from Cage!
deco7869 2 years ago